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1% Life's Real (a 1% Lifesteal parody)
B3 - Imperfect Relationships

B3 - Imperfect Relationships

What prank are you talking about? That talk about matchmaking us?" Robert asked.

“Yeah! She was trying to make you so disgusted with the idea that you would never lay a finger on me!”

Robert ignored the perceived innuendo. Whether it was actually there or not. But she took his silence the wrong way. Amanda sniffled and wiped a tear.

“Sorry,” she mumbled.

“For what?” He asked. “I am not offended and Mrs. Samson’s manipulation became yesterday's news after our first meeting back during my first month as your bodyguard.”

She nuzzled her cheek against his sleeve like a cat marking her territory. He worried about her makeup but between the silent tears and his symbiote, the former had more destructive power.

“Why?” She asked.

To Robert, that question had a range of applications so broad it might be out of context. He had no idea what he should say or do but he knew that if he acted in his impulses there would be hell to pay.

“Why what?” He finally decided to ask.

“Why do you hate me?” She drawled, letting her emotions get the better of her.

“I wouldn't be here with you if I hated you.” He replied matter of factly.

“Liar! You are mad at me,” she said, misreading the perceived emotion in his tone as irritation rather than taking his words at face value.

“No.”

Robert tilted his body to lie down, dragging her down with him. Amanda naturally shifted and became the small spoon. She took his arm and wrapped it around her stomach.

“You are mad at yourself. And you shouldn't be mad at Amanda, Amanda. She did nothing wrong.”

Amanda rubbed the hand, feeling the long pinky. It was one of those things that once seen or felt, became an obsession.

”Say you don't hate me,” she challenged. What she really wanted to say was “prove it to me”. But she wasn't that brave.

He didn't. Instead, Robert let his inner wolf one step closer to Granny Titania's door and smelled Red Riding Hood’s nape. The perfume she was using was so enticing and sweet that it might have come from a red vial with a nine stamped on it. his arm tightened against her stomach, pulling them closer.

“If I asked you to abdicate from your position with Samson and elope with me deep into the Interspace, would you say ‘yes’, right now?”

Because that was what she was asking of him. But he didn't say that part out loud.

Amanda hesitated to answer as she trembled. Two conflicting sides warred in her head. But she found that she couldn't. Abandoning Samson was one thing but leaving society behind? She missed Robert's point but that was expected.

Both were imperfect creatures, conveying half-baked versions of their feelings as they lost a lot of fidelity in the translation into words.

He closed his eyes and relaxed his body. Robert wouldn't sleep, not when the slight slip would allow the void to kill Amanda.

“I don't know,” she bawled.

“It's okay,” he replied, his breath tickling her neck and sending a shiver down her spine.

“I can't elope into the deep Interspace,” she admitted. “But I can give up on Samson, no problem. Between the two of us raiding and taxing for the use of the passages we own and the money I'd get from selling my shares, we can live outside the Arcology’s shadows.”

Robert laughed silently, the movement of his belly shaking Amanda. He hadn't thought about it under that prism.

“Would the other factions leave us alone?”

She sputtered a scoff-laugh. It was the evilest thing Robert ever saw her do. And she had threatened to assassinate Camille out loud.

“Hell, no. You would have to kill one four-star upstart a day until the Empress declared us off-limits to save the empire's strength.”

"Would she do that?"

"No, she would probably have us killed for disturbing the order."

“Would your great-grandmother leave us alone?”

“Would you defy her for my sake?”

Robert was pretty sure he had already done that but he went along. “Sure.”

Amanda didn't believe him. She broke eye contact and left Robert wondering whether he had given the wrong answer. The truth was, Amanda would be disappointed either way. A yes meant he would harm her family, and a no meant he wasn't that invested in her. He missed the only correct move which was to give a vague answer or none at all.

The conversation kind of died in that moment.

*

*

After several minutes of silence, the tension left Robert's mind. He felt it was time to shut down for maintenance.

“Amanda.”

“Yes?”

“I am sleepy. Let's tie the knot.” He said.

She totally misunderstood what he said. Then she saw the silk rope in his hand, the same they used to bind themselves together.

“We what? Oh, do you want to sleep?”

“I need to catch a few Z’s, yes.”

They were awake for about two days nonstop. With all the excitement and the funny stories Mickey told, it was easy to remain awake. But the heavy conversation about politics and their potential relationship sapped Robert's remaining endurance.

He tossed an end of the silk rope to her. “Tie this to your wrist.”

She did, begrudgingly. The other end was tied to the hand on her stomach. Amanda slumped on the mattress and grunted.

“Are you okay?” Robert asked, worried she was having another episode of cabin fever. She never adapted to staying confined in the liminal void.

“Yes, I'm fine,” she lied.

Silence. Robert waited to see if she was going to say more.

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

“Do you hate me?” Amanda asked, seeking reassurance.

“I wouldn't take you here If I hated you. Unless it was to kill you, then I'd hate you lots. Are you still alive?”

“I guess?”

“There's your answer.”

More silence. He wanted to sleep but he had to make sure she got everything out of her system.

“Do you like me?” She asked with a faint wheeze. Unfortunately for her, the liminal void didn't have background noise.

“Yeah. I'm all into hugging girls I dislike,” he said with a fake sneer. Then he squeezed her against him.

After the initial shock, Amanda figured out he was being sarcastic and that he said the opposite of what he meant to tease her. It felt like the best compliment ever.

“Let's elope,” she proposed.

“Nope,” Robert shot the idea down even though he had been the first to bring it up. “We need to attend the ball. Won't leave the Empress hanging. We miss this ball and we are running straight to some fetid depth ten swamp realm. Then we built a wooden cottage and you can play the witch, while I became a hermit on some nearby dry land. And even then I wouldn't trust my luck.”

“After the ball, then.”

“Yup. Let's see if we can give Titania a heart attack or if all the supreme-quality healing she receives to keep her alive makes her immune to such ailments.”

“They will send a hit squad led by Tyrone after you,” she said.

“Good. He will make for a worthy parting gift. I could kill Tyrone six months ago when I was a weak-ass one-star. Now, that I am a god?” Robert scoffed and harrumphed theatrically.

Chuckles and giggles.

Then more silence.

“Robert?”

“Yes?”

“Are we dating?”

“Do you want to try dating?” He asked.

‘Stupid question,’ both of them thought at the same time.

A longer spell of really awkward silence. None of them could move because they were hyper-conscious of how close they were and of what could follow some thoughtless statement.

“You need to fire me first,” he said. “And offer me a nice severance package, including the rest of my scholarship here and a no-hit squad agreement. And I still need to take Titania to the liminal void for ten years in here.”

Amanda felt envious of her great-grandmother. No. It was impossible. Her Granny, of all people, wouldn't try to steal her Robert.

During the next spell of silence, Robert fell asleep.

*

*

Amanda soon noticed the trap in Robert's counter-offer. Was he being serious or just playing with her. No. It was the other way around. She was the one playing with her. He took her to the liminal void on a whim, had his deepest secret laid bare before her, and now this.

He was asleep behind her. Robert didn't snore. At least, not in the liminal void. But then again, he seemed dead. No breathing, no heartbeat. But she knew he wasn't. If he died, the protection his talent extended to her would vanish and the void would consume her soul.

The final barrier between what they were now (nothing) and what they could be was impossible to surpass on her own. She couldn't fire him. Her position in the Samson totem pole was too low for such decisions. Only her father or Granny. Bit fat chance of them doing that, when they didn't want them to date. It was unfair. Though she didn't blame Robert. He was nice – too nice sometimes – and wanted to do things the right way. But his recent victories made him more confident, more assertive, more manly. Amanda liked this new Robert. Maybe even more than the old one. Definitely more than the old one.

It reminded her of what Granny told her. That she needed to find a man who was more powerful than her, one who could stand by her side and protect her. Didn't Robert fit the bill? He wasn't a three-star Arch yet but that shouldn't be too far away. All he needed to do was to find the right challenges, defeat someone strong... which he already did, and gather the aura to ascend.

Easy-peasy. A three-star Robert would be enough to convince Samson to let them marry. And then...

With her mind in the gutter, Amanda forgot to sleep. She daydreamed of things only those privy to her heart of hearts could know.

*

*

Twenty-three days was a long while to just dance. With the magic gone, all they had was time and boredom. Robert was fine, he had hundreds of books to read in his intellect fortress and an imprint to finish but Amanda was a social animal.

"If you spend ninety-nine days locked in here between every day out there, how do you keep track of what's happening?" She asked.

"I keep a journal where I write down everything that happened, every thought I had, and even record some images."

"Oh! Where? Can I see it?"

Robert tapped his head. "It's in my mind palace."

She made a dismayed face that appeared to also be half-bored. "The same with Granny."

"But I avoid letting it accumulate the full ninety-nine days. I usually make much shorter visits. Hey, do you want to see a neat trick?"

"Sure."

"What's your favorite animal?"

"A ferret."

Robert held the rope tethering their ankles and took his fairy form. From there, he climbed on Amanda's leg and turned into a ferret. His symbiote fell down since this kind of animal didn't wear clothes.

"Ta-da!" He sent via telepathy. "I'm Roberret!" She squealed and picked him up. "Careful! You cannot lose physical contact with me."

"You look so cute!" She got stuck in full 'kya-so-cute' mode. She pressed his snout to her nose, brushed his fur, cradled him against her chest, and then kissed his belly and nose. Robert thought she'd forgotten it was a person and not an animal. Though getting petted felt nice. Really nice.

"Wait!" She exclaimed after a long petting session. "You did say I could pick my favorite animal, right? What else can you turn into?"

"Any small animal," Robert replied.

They re-enacted the scene from the classic puss-in-boots fairy tale. The one where the puss asks the giant sorcerer to turn into several animals, ending as a mouse inside the cat's belly. The limit for those transformations was around three or four pounds. Any animal heavier than that was off-limits but for some species, he could turn into a small version or an infant version. For example, when she asked him to turn into a cat, he became a kitten instead.

Robert could turn into fish and other marine animals too. And since nobody needed to breathe in the liminal void, he didn't suffocate. For some mysterious reason, Amanda didn't ask for any mollusk species.

"What about a butterfly?" Amanda asked.

"Not happening. No bugs. The odds of us losing physical contact are too high."

*

*

They talked about almost any subject but where they stood about each other. Robert had made his conditions as clear as a sunny day and it was up to Amanda to make up her mind.

Between talking, sharing stories of their youth, and petting sessions with Roberret, Amanda's days involved a lot of sleeping. Finally, the time to depart had arrived. He took her things out of his storage ring and let her do her business in peace. Robert had to hold onto Amanda's hair again and look away. It was the easiest since all her clothing could be donned and removed through the bottom. Except for the shirt. That she just removed and passed over her head and onto his arm. But after an hour or two, Amanda was exactly the way she left the dorm.

And they were back on their way to the ball. Robert considered dropping them right at the door but he wanted to keep walking with her. He tried but failed at recapturing the magic of that first walk, the elation, the dance that sprung out from their very beings. It was all gone now, a fading memory if not for his mental palace.

He had a VHS tape with them dancing. He could revisit that feeling anytime he wanted but he promised himself to only do that on the anniversary of this ball. Otherwise, that too would become mundane.

*

*

An Imperial Knight noticed them as they alighted before the convention center doors. "Champions Blaze and Samson. This way."

They were led to a waiting room where maids from the Imperial Palace did the final touches on both of them. Makeup, hair, clothing, decorations. It was all adjusted and perfected. It eased one of Robert's worries, that somehow someone would notice even a hint of slovenliness on her.

Robert's Force brooch was already depleted, despite only having it for a day. The time spent in the liminal void counted for the transfer and adaptation of his soul since it was only the bodily functions that stopped in that (almost) timeless dimension. The same was true for Amanda's lightning fruit. She could use the Lightning affinity just as her three native ones.

He also felt cleared to use his satellite core but decided against it.

After another hour of preparations, they were told to wait in a sitting room. The servants brought refreshments but they were mostly left alone. Two maids stood, one behind each one of them, making any conversation they had public business.

Using spells under scrutiny for such frivolous reasons was frowned upon. The Imperial Knights had detectors for external essence and we're known to diligently investigate all leads. It defeated using telepathy to make a conversation private.

Despite the sound isolation wards, they felt when the ball started. The vibrations carried through the very building. Protocol demanded that all guests should be admitted into the venue in ascending order of importance. Then the Empress would make her grand entrance and take the throne on the stage opposite the orchestra.

Then dignitaries and persons of interest would present themselves to her and earn her blessing. Only after that would they bring them out, parading them across the center of the venue and before the Empress.

So they waited. Two, three hours. At one point, Robert felt he was being punished for winning. If Amanda's analysis of the politics involved in the end of the tournament was accurate - and he didn't doubt it was - then it was a coin toss.

Finally, two knights in formal dress uniforms entered. They bowed slightly to them. "Champions, it's time."

These two knights formed up in front of them. As they put some distance from the door, another six closed in from behind forming a procession.

They went down a corridor with several multipurpose rooms, most of them configured for conferences and lectures. Then the doors opened. They were at the bottom of a red-carpeted aisle, with everyone to the sides and the Empress on the other end, sitting on her throne.

It was time to face the music.