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1% Life's Real (a 1% Lifesteal parody)
B3 - You Touched my Hand Chuck! You Sly Dog!

B3 - You Touched my Hand Chuck! You Sly Dog!

They walked down the aisle with everyone’s attention on them. Students, family members, and important people from top clans and organizations. Amanda grasped Robert’s hand, drawing some eyeballs to the gesture. Neither cared about what people thought. Caroline joined them and stood on Amanda’s left.

The Empress’ gaze locked onto them. Instead of the beauty, grace, and magnanimity of yore, Robert only saw a predatory stare, one that treated people like pieces on a chess board, ready to be discarded if it suited some grand strategy. As per the instructions they received previously, they stopped thirty feet from the throne and knelt.

“Champions,” the Empress called. “You trained your bodies and souls to the peak and surpassed many challengers. This ball is in your honor. Never stop seeking glory.”

“Thank you, your Imperial Majesty,” they said in unison.

“Now, the first dance. You may choose your partner among those in attendance.”

The crowd formed a circle as the red carpet vanished. Usually, the three would pick important people in attendance. Caroline went to get Professor Actus. Amanda looked at her father and smiled at him. Then she turned to face Robert.

Their choice could be interpreted in two ways. All three were now students under Noah. Given how much the rest of the Academy hated Noah and his unconventional methods, it could be the students spitting in their face. And another was that Caroline felt so isolated she had to dance with her teacher and that Robert and Amanda were an item now.

Speculations aside, neither of the three students knew how things ended that way. They just enjoyed the dance and the attention. It was their moment of triumph. But it also was ephemeral. The blessings of victory only ever lasted until the next battle.

The dance ended to roaring applause. That too was protocol. Though openly declared for the champions, this event was for the Empress, patron of the Academy.

“Unfortunately, this is where we part,” Amanda said. “We need to mingle and forge connections,” she took her fan and tapped it to a slip he had in his breast pocket. It looked like a bookmark but it was his dance card. It marked when and with whom he should dance.

As they parted, many ladies waved their fans at him. Amanda went straight to her father, who had been left standing up by her when she decided to rob two people of their dances.

Robert had mixed feelings about having random dance partners. In his mind, the party would be a time to bond with his close friends. But this was a social event of the highest pedigree in the land. And he was the main dish.

He made several appointments with ladies that seemed to be other students and ladies that seemed like guests. With all the glamour magic, good old makeup, and healing magic, telling a person's age was a fool's endeavor.

He noticed that none of them picked the next spot. And that all of them seemed to glance at a spot behind you. He couldn't turn, however. His spatial senses failed to pick people's true faces, also because of the glamours, padding, and prosthetics.

In this august event, appearances and opinions reigned supreme. Being open and honest was a sin of the highest caliber.

Once all of his slots were full for a long night of ladies pretending to be clumsy and stepping on his feet just to get a reaction out of him, he turned.

Lo and behold, the lady behind him was none other than Titania Samson. She looked at least a hundred and thirty years younger. Robert was sure she was ancient before the world became magical.

"Would the gentleman give me the pleasure of the next dance?" She asked, all demure and giggly.

"Of course," he lied and offered her his slip.

These dance cards were important later on as bragging rights. He only hoped that dancing with him wasn't the highest point of any of these ladies' lives, present company notwithstanding.

Titania tapped her fan to his slip and offered her hand. The next dance was about to start.

Despite Robert's prejudices, Titania was as graceful as a wind pixie on the dance floor. She let him take the lead and fluttered on the dance floor. Her dress was black, gold, and silver. Despite the palette, it was easy on the eyes and projected an idea of veiled power, delicate and yet unwise to provoke.

The fashion choices in such an event were like balancing on a razor's edge. One didn't want to present themselves as plain and boring but also couldn't outshine the Empress. Each dress had to adequately portray the guest's standing.

Titania, as a four-stars and leader of a major faction, could afford to be ostentatious.

"Say, boy," Titania called as the music went into a piano. "What's the deal between Amanda and you?"

"We're going to elope during the summer vacation," he replied with a mischievous grin.

Titania laughed. Robert did not.

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She stared at him. He kept his eyes between her and the other couples, trying not to cause a collision.

"You know Amanda's mind." He stated.

"Silly infatuation of a maiden's heart."

"You also know that I turned her down many times."

"Bah," Titania scoffed. "At least you know your place. She's too good for you."

"Not your choice to make."

"Do you want to get fired, boy?"

"It was one of the conditions I set."

"You still owe me ten years of your time."

"And you shall have it. Do you have the deeds?"

"In a month. When I showed interest, people decided to double-check. It takes time because they don't want to pay to lift the block on the passage. Soon they will find my next offer smaller than the previous. And if they get too greedy, we can always take it by force. They would be fools to defend a dead realm."

"I see."

"And talking about dead realms, I want a report on the fish-men planet."

"What is it to you?"

"A dozen billion dollars, at least."

"I already reported everything to Amanda."

"And I'm telling you to report to me. I'm the damn CEO."

Robert grinned. "Just fire me."

"I'll have you dead before that."

"Sure."

She abandoned that line of reasoning and changed gears. "Did you get the shirt? I had one sent to each student as a celebratory gift."

"Thank you. I let Amanda use it as a pajama before the ball."

Titania laughed. Robert didn't. The old woman became very suspicious.

"When can I expect children?" Titania asked as a curve ball out of the left field.

"In a hundred years. No need to worry."

Robert laughed. Titania didn't.

"Do you love her?" She asked in a hushed tone.

"How many billions is she set to inherit?" He asked in the same tone.

"You can't fool me," she smirked. "You don't care about money. You believe that you have enough."

"Money for an Arch is like water for someone living in the Amazon rainforest. They will die without it but it is easy enough to obtain."

"That's where you stand. You got the money, now you obtained the power. Finally, you want the women," Titania scoffed. “Typical male fantasy.”

"Haven't you heard? There's a new philanderer in town, apparently."

Titania laughed. Robert laughed.

"That animal shelter lass, Camille. I stopped three assassination attempts on her already."

Robert paused and missed a step. "What?"

"You don't have to thank me."

"Thank you anyway. And I mean it. But who would want to kill Camille?"

"You'd be surprised. Your bloody ascent in the tournament earned you quite a roster of enemies. They will do anything to get to you. Or did you think you could send more than a billion dollars’ worth of investment to the morgue with impunity? Ha! Not even I can. The woman is safe and I had her shelter get a new sponsor, me. Not Samson, me. Now, tell me. What are your intentions with her? Are you trying to make a harem?"

"Absolutely not."

"It's more common than you think."

"Not in my book."

"Good. I'd hate to kill her. Look, lad. If you want the best for Camille, never again show your face in front of her. Let her file what you had as something that happened on a whim. You met her and she showed interest, you took her to Seoul, gave her a night of dreams, and poof. When dawn came, the magic was gone."

Robert looked dismayed.

"Lesson. Don't toy with a lady's heart if you don't want blood in your hands."

And with that warning that sounded more like a threat, the song ended. Titania did the final greeting and vanished in the crowd.

*

*

Between each dance, the guests had ten to fifteen minutes to get refreshments, air their crushed feet, find their next partner, or go to one of many balconies to have a secret rendezvous.

To Robert, dance slave and heel mule, the other options were grayed out. He never had to find a single lady. The prospect of being ditched by the champion and getting mocked by the vultures in petticoats who were too eager to turn one wobbly wine flute into an international crisis was too dire.

So, he danced. He entertained the ladies inane chatter, mostly stale gossip, answering with blank and noncommittal statements. He got their business cards and vague promises, some of them of a carnal nature.

He lied. Most of the ladies - save for Titania who only talked about the company - openly stated that they wanted to have a taste of his "void lance." In a secret balcony rendezvous.

At a point he firmly believed their dresses had special adaptations to facilitate said secret balcony rendezvous, because he saw no way of doing anything without taking off all those dozens of pounds of skirts, petticoats, and lace.

Robert shrugged, politely declined, and fled to the nearest refreshment station to get some peace. It was an unspoken rule to not start a conversation with someone who was eating.

If anyone asked why he was eating so much, he would answer with "Life tempering".

*

*

He finished the last dance of the night. His sense of time told him it was five thirty in the morning and that, should he look to the east, the first oranges of dawn would be present.

Half of the guests were missing from the main hall. They had long fled to the side parlors, home, or were in the balconies having, you guessed, secret rendezvous.

That was a lot of balconies. He scanned the thin crowd and found Noah. Without anything better to do, he went to meet his teacher.

"I admire your resilience," Noah said. "A full dance card is the stuff of legends. Keep it well."

"Jade mind tempered ten percent tonight. And that's after I added a concept."

Noah offered a fist. Robert bumped it.

"How is Caroline?" He asked.

"She's still adapting to my teaching style. I had to give her some supplementary lessons so she knows what to do during summer vacation. Though it seems she intends to stay on campus. What about you guys?"

"We are hitting the Gurglocks for all their Ether's worth. I mapped several interesting passages."

Noah let his head hang, then shook it. "I wished I could go with you."

"Alas, you seem to have a grand quest ahead of you, Sir Actus."

Noah stared at him in silence.

"It was rather obvious if one had enough clues."

"Enlighten me."

"The Academy staff wants nothing more than to get rid of you, but you are tenured. You promise Amanda a ridiculously rare treasure and it pops up in the Empress' hands, no more, no less. You hinted several times to your connections to the Imperial Knights. And more."

Robert gave the masked teacher a glare, daring him to deny. He still had a few clues he hadn't said out loud.

"You caught me but I'm retired. Old war wounds, cursed item, and bam. Here I am, babysitting murder machines."

"Did you have anything to do with the politicking that took place in that last fight at the stadium?"

"None at all. Scout's honor. I just wanted to keep Amanda safe and if you hadn't seized the opportunity, I would've killed Shayver myself."

Noah pulled apart his shirt to reveal the Samson Security meme shirt underneath.

Robert went to find a balcony. Perhaps he'd have better luck there.

On second thought, the Empress had already left. It was a minor faux pas to leave before her but with so many places to disappear into, nobody would know you left unless you made a statement. Since he couldn't find Amanda anywhere and she wasn't answering his silent messages, Robert used his primary talent and went home.