Novels2Search
1% Life's Real (a 1% Lifesteal parody)
Look, Sir. If it's Made out of Paper and is not Nailed Down, We're Taking it.

Look, Sir. If it's Made out of Paper and is not Nailed Down, We're Taking it.

Instead of the Samson arcology Grand Mall, they went to the District Twenty-four Mall. Amanda was wearing a sleeveless cotton sundress with lots of bracelets, two collars, sandals, and sunglasses. Robert went with an Oxford sweater, shirt, formal pants, and shoes. They both wore gloves to hide their rings because only the ones they got from Samson had the stealth feature.

He also took the puffblooms and Freddy, though the Taulusian was cloaked by his talent.

"Would it hurt you if we pretended to be on a date?" Amanda asked after Robert refused for the third time.

"I'm working, Amanda," Robert replied with the same thing.

Amanda clicked her tongue at him. "No. You are my shopping mate for this trip."

"I don't know how much I have to spend."

"Oh," she grinned. "You haven't checked your bank balance yet? Robert, Robert. Let's get to a terminal so you can see it for yourself. You got almost four months of back pay, including hazard pay and compensation for your lost PTO, since you were working twenty-four-seven during the whole expedition. I believe your net worth is in the high eight figures right now."

Robert facepalmed. He had completely forgotten that he earned a salary while protecting Amanda, which was basically all the time. But eight figures?

"Really?" He asked, shocked and in denial.

"Maybe you should visit our therapist. She could work those kinks in your mind," Amanda suggested, tapping a finger against her lips. "Then maybe not. You're going to give her talent fatigue just from peeking into that mess up... here!" She tapped the finger against his cheek.

They entered the mall. Robert recognized the security guard, the same that was kind to him when he showed up like a hobo.

"Hey, good afternoon," Robert waved at the guard. "See? Good clothes now!"

The guard stared at him, not recognizing Robert. It was true that ascension improved the Archhumans' bodies but Robert hadn't changed that much. He was only eighty kilograms heavier, and most of it was muscle.

Amanda giggled as she remembered the story.

"Oh," the guard finally recognized. "You were the guy with the cursed clothes. Good to see you, how's life treating you?"

Amanda interlaced her arm around the crook of his elbow. "He can't complain officer. If he does, arrest him!"

"Yes, yes. I see. Well, you two have a wonderful afternoon date!" The guard waved them past.

Amanda laughed, her voice sounding like bells. It seems she got her pretend date, one way or another. But now he couldn't extricate his arm away without appearing rude. What was the deal with his mood?

Robert thought that maybe he should seek professional help. Amanda was back to her energetic self, without a care in the world. They both got messages from Noah saying that they didn't need to worry about the qualifiers and they would be seeded at the bottom.

That was good because the only way Robert would have to fight Amanda was if they both reached the finals. And even then, Robert would have to concede the fight because of a conflict of interest. But it was bad because those seeded as bracket fillers usually got the strongest competitors straight away. But it was good in a sense because they would become the dark horses of the tournament. Without a duel record, beating the strongest contenders in the lower brackets. And it was bad in a sense because these losers would cry wolf and say the matches were rigged. If that made sense.

"Yes, most likely. I got a lot to unpack," Robert admitted with a sigh.

She wagged a finger, "No, nope, not! We don't deal with negativity in here. If you feel down, just spend a lot of money!" She did a twirl, ballooning her skirt.

"Can I pick the first place, then?"

"Sure! Let me guess," She studied his face and then sighed. "I know, I know. The bookstore."

They went to the bookstore. The same he was once accosted by a Kraven acolyte. That story really didn't age well. But the sight of books, especially new books that were just released did wonders to lift his mood. He started to check them. Robert would take one book, take a look at the first few pages, and then add them to a pile he was balancing on his left arm.

"Please, sir. Allow me to help you!" A female voice said from his left. Two delicate hands appeared to take the ever-growing pile of books from him.

"Yes, sure. can you hold onto these for me?" Robert asked. When the books moved, he recognized her. It was the same salesperson that helped him before the Kraven dude came to crash his fun. "Hey, hello. Long time no see!"

"Welcome back, sir," her reply was generic, meaning she didn't recognize him either. Robert didn't care. She looked at the puffblooms. "What are these monsters? Are they tame?"

"Yes, I got their license here with me if you want. They are puffblooms from the eponymous island realm. Say, do you have any book on that realm?"

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"I'm afraid I didn't recognize the name straight away, sir. I can research it for you. What's the realm's full name or its standardized Imperial code?"

"Puffbloom Islands."

"Puffbloom. Okay. Is the realm full of these critters? They seem adorable!"

Amanda cleared her throat, clinging to Robert's left arm, now free of books. The salesperson moved a bit further, unfazed by the jealous young lady.

They went to a terminal and waited while the salesperson researched the realm. "Sir, I see there are three books on the realm, but all of them are unfortunately out of print. We can put an order with our used book resale partners to see if they have any copies in stock."

"Please do," Amanda said. "Have them shipped to this address on the Samson arcology." She gave her address.

"Of course, miss. Is there anything else I may help you with?"

Robert smiled and nodded. "Yes. I want one copy of each and every new book release in the last five years, delivered to that same address. If you can give us an estimate, we will pay for it in advance. Anything above the total price can be converted to store credits."

Amanda hummed with approval. "See? You are already feeling better. I told you, spending copious amounts of money can be therapeutic!"

"Every release. Did I hear it correctly?" She asked.

"Yes, ma'am," Robert replied, addressing her in a way to put some distance and keep Amanda from acting up. "Any genre, type, a copy each. Paperback or hardcover."

"We can certainly do that, sir," the salesperson's eyes were shining with imaginary dollar signs. Her commission for this sale would be record-breaking.

"Double that order," Amanda suddenly said. "And donate the second copy to the district twenty public library."

The salesperson took some notes on a crystal Ethertech tablet. "On whose behalf should the donation be?"

"Amanda Samson," Amanda Samson said.

Realization dawning on her, the salesperson fluttered her eyelids at Amanda while her brain rebooted. "A pleasure to be of service, Miss Samson. I heard about your adventure in the news."

"Yeah, we went quite deep in the interspace," Amanda bragged. "But now we are doing a shopping therapy session, you know?"

"I understand completely. Is there anything else I may help you with?"

"Can we visit the restricted section?"

"You most certainly can. We just need to verify your identification."

"Sure," Amanda said first, pulling a card from her dress pocket. "Here's mine."

Robert saw the ID. Amanda's papers already flagged her as a two-star. He took his. One-star. Amanda peeked.

"Robert! Why didn't you update your documents yet?"

"I was supposed to do it this morning," Robert grumbled. "But your grandma..."

"Say no more," Amanda said, taking his ID from his hand. "Here you go!"

"I verified your status, now please, follow me." She returned their IDs as she led them to the restricted section.

*

*

"Welcome to the restricted section," An opportunistic man said as they went through the security doors. "Veronica, thank you. I'll take it from here."

"Actually, we'd like to have Veronica with us, if it's possible," Robert said.

"If not, we can surely visit another shop," Amanda added, sounding bored and annoyed. She didn't even make eye contact with the man, instead looking at Veronica.

"I'm afraid Veronica isn't qualified to work in the restric—"

"A moment, please!" Amanda interrupted the man least rudely. She now seemed flustered. "Veronica, my dear. Are you qualified to work as a private librarian?"

Amanda's eyes begged the other woman to say yes.

"I don't have a degree if that's what you're asking," Veronica said, flustered.

"That can be fixed with the right attitude and a little bit of time," Amanda said. "Do you like to work with books, Veronica?"

Flabbergasted, Veronica raised a hand to her chest. "Yes, Miss Samson. I believe I'm the second biggest book lover in this whole mall right now," she spared a glance at Robert.

The opportunistic man flinched when he heard Amanda's surname.

"Then you are hired, effective immediately," Amanda said. "My people will handle your severance package and any other details, without any loss on your part. Let's see your manager! Former manager, I mean!"

The three of them turned around, leaving a befuddled opportunistic man behind. Finding the manager was trivial because by now the bookstore grapevine was in full throttle, because of the VIP shopper. Amanda found the guy after asking Veronica and flagged him. The manager hurried to answer such august summons.

"Miss Samson, welcome to our humble bookstore," the manager said. "How can I be of service?"

"We poached Veronica. She works for me now," Amanda stated with undertones of arrogance in her voice. "But she will process our order as her last task here at this bookstore. I also want to register a complaint. Does this shop follow the adage, 'the client is always right'?"

"We certainly do."

The real, complete quote was "The client is always right, in matters of taste", Robert reminded. But dropping the last part was what gave birth to Karens everywhere.

"You see, the issue was that we wanted Veronica here to be our exclusive salesperson, but we were informed it couldn't be."

"No, no. Whoever told you that was completely wrong. I apologize, Miss Samson. Veronica has clearance to work anywhere here in our shop."

"Not anymore, she doesn't work for you after she finishes or orders. Apologies accepted, anyway," Amanda said with a scoff. "I hope you don't make the transition more difficult because of that little misunderstanding."

"Of course, not!"

The manager said with a dip of his head. He then glared at the opportunistic man standing by the doors to the restricted section. The other bookstore staff was quietly gossiping while the shoppers were watching the scene with rapturous attention.

Robert was sure the opportunistic guy would get an earful but it was his fault for treating Veronica badly. He also had to make sure Amanda wasn't hiring the friendly salesperson on a whim only to discard her later. On second thought, he dismissed such worries. Amanda could afford hundreds of servants if she wanted.

"Veronica, my dear," Amanda said, lightly grasping the woman's wrist. "Why don't you stay here and finish processing our previous order, we will go with Mr. Manager here to the restricted section. He will add the commission of this sale to your account, won't you, Mr. Manager?"

"Most certainly, Miss Samson. Veronica, we count on you."

"Thank you for the confidence, Mr. Fabian."

They went back to the restricted section.

*

*

The opportunistic man decided it was a good moment for his break and made himself scarce. The manager extended an arm to show the bookshelves full of tomes and scrolls for Archhumans.

"How may I help you, Mr. Blaze?"

"I want a copy of each tempering technique ether scroll you have. Regardless of affinity," Robert said. "Four different basic spells and abilities for each affinity, your choice. I also want one of each spell, technique, and ability you have for the eight basic affinities, plus time, space, holy, unholy, nature, lightning, and ice," He paused to think, then continued. "Advanced tomes on all these affinities too. Also every book on interspace passage realms and esoteric affinities."

The manager needed half a minute to remember to breathe again.