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1% Life's Real (a 1% Lifesteal parody)
A Hundred Parts Ye shall Mock, One part Audience Ye Shall Gain.

A Hundred Parts Ye shall Mock, One part Audience Ye Shall Gain.

He hovered over a spatial distortion and trained several spells at once. As the essence influx increased, he started to ramp up his essence usage. As it kept increasing and reaching plague levels, devastating the population below the waters, he started to train his spatial storage technique by storing and dumping Gurglock corpses that were floating everywhere.

Such carnage attracted predators. Giant monsters that looked like nightmares from minds like Junji Ito or Clive Barker came to feast on the corpses. Robert killed those with his void lances.

Whenever the essence flow became too much for his body to endure, he used his main talent to cut off all the ongoing curses down there. Robert had no idea how many lives he took. Only that he had used more than a hundred times his full essence pool working his skills and tempering techniques.

A regular two-star Arch using a gathering chamber could refill and spend their essence pool in about half an hour. Assuming they could work ten hours a day, he got five days' worth of dedicated exercise in just…

Checking his timepiece, he counted two hours since he started draining the ocean's denizens of their precious essence and life. He still had several hours before morning. Robert moved two thousand miles away and started the process anew.

But no gathering chamber could be overused as he did with the fish monsters. These chambers, even the ones at the Academy, needed time to recharge. So his two hours were more like two weeks or more to a wealthy Arch. Gathering chambers were expensive.

*

*

As he pushed his body's essence conduits with a deluge of stolen essence, those same conduits enlarged and toughened. Feeding Noah's ring enchantments would be trivial now. That also meant the time he could spend draining was bigger but he vowed to only spend two hours in each location.

Robert used his time in the liminal void to both build his imprint and map the Gurglock world. Realm wasn't cutting it anymore.

The skies of his mental palace now held a scaled-down reflection of this stormy realm, with the rain falling upwards and the lightning starting from the middle. Red circles marked the places where he harvested essence from while glowing golden question marks noted the passages he confirmed.

Watching his map, he decided to put a timestamp next to each red circle to know when he last visited that spot.

The map of the Maze Corridors remained there, now floating between the Earth-like ground and the chaotic stormy oceans in the sky.

By the time he had to return to Earth, he had harvested essence from seven different spots and marked twenty-five passages. All of them were in islands and none were under the water. The Gurglocks swarmed these passages, conquerors of other realms.

That is until Robert and Amanda decided to check what lay beyond those portals.

His goal was met. He advanced several of his abilities, tempered elemental attunement against the rain and lightning, and tempered his void heart to forty-eight percent. Most of the other spells he could use on either the Gurglocks or himself also improved.

Euphoria and sap stamina, for example, were ready to upgrade. Now that he had to deal with the reality of stage 1 progression, stage zero seemed ridiculously easy.

Robert departed. He had to go now if he wanted to make it in time for the day's debriefing.

*

*

"Good morning!" Noah said. It seemed that the teacher was in a good mood.

It was to be expected. The Academy had a separate contest for the teachers, where they scored points based on their students' performances in the tournament. With yesterday's results, the leaderboard had been updated, putting Noah in a very good position. After all, he had two students among the best twenty-four in the whole Academy. Few other teachers could say the same.

And it wasn't the end of it. Even if Amanda or Robert lost the next fight and didn't make it into the final twelve, they would still fight in the losers' bracket for those precious four spots to the round of sixteen.

However, between those eliminated in the round of sixteen, the ones from the losers bracket would always rank lower than those who only lost in the round of sixteen itself.

A win today meant that the lowest position possible for each of them was tenth place. The tiebreak between those with straight wins was the total time elapsed in their duels and both Robert and Amanda had excellent times, with Robert being the supreme leader in fast eliminations.

If only he could go all out.

They discussed strategies and the peculiarities of each opponent. Amanda had Robert take her to the arcology to requisition some special equipment.

At the arcology, Robert left the ornamental fish he captured with Samson's xenobiologist. He didn't dismiss the beast bonds and warned them, with Amanda by his side, that there would be hell to pay if any of these animals died.

Stolen story; please report.

With that, they were ready for the day's fights. Due to streaming contracts, they both were scheduled to fight in the late afternoon, where they would get more views.

"How about we go visit some new passages before our fights?" Robert suggested. "I found twenty-five new ones in the Gurglock world."

"World?" Noah asked just to make sure he understood.

"It isn't a passage realm,'' Robert explained. I have already mapped two hundred and eighty thousand square miles, with over fourteen thousand miles in a straight line. Tonight, I'll try to circumnavigate the world."

Noah asked Robert to draft a map. With Amanda's permission, he did, marking where the passage islands were. Most of the space islands he marked had passages with a few he hadn't visited or even gotten closer than twenty miles.

"On second notice, I think this realm has no islands that don't have passages in them. I need to check this too."

"Did you notice any time zones?" Noah asked.

"No. The sky is always overcast and rainy. But I didn't notice any changes in lighting."

"The world might lack a day and night cycle. Or perhaps it's always night and the lighting we see is a residual effect of the lightning glare bouncing between the clouds and the water, including the rainwater. The interval between visible lightning strikes is very short."

"I also manifested two Primes yesterday."

"You what?" Amanda did a double-take.

"Last night, I manifested two Primes after I killed possibly millions of Gurglocks and some other giant monsters."

"No way!" Amanda gasped. "Gimme, gimme, gimme. I am going to tax you from now on."

Robert laughed. He took the two orbs, one yellow with green eyes and the other silver with blue eyes.

Amanda trilled. She clapped her hands as she took the orbs with almost religious reverence.

"Prime Vestige," she asked the yellow one. "What is your talent?"

"Hundred parts you play the tiny flute, one part ye shall conjure prime calf meat!"

"Ha!" Amanda shouted as she laughed. "It's like yours, Robert."

"It surely is. I think I'll call this, 'one percent fifeveal."

"Huh. Prime Vestige, how Prime is this veal we are talking about?" Amanda asked as she licked her lips.

"The juiciest, tenderest, tastiest, most succulent, firm, and delightful veal of them all." The Prime Vestige boasted.

"Is the meat safe to eat?"

"Yes!"

"Nutritious,?"

"Like you wouldn't believe!"

"Does the meat get better If the music is good?"

"Yes. Marginally, though."

Robert had one more question.

"Is the meat so good it gives benefits to those who eat it? Like more essence, alchemical boosts, beneficial changes to the body?"

"Only to whoever holds me in their soul. To all others, it's just superb food."

Bloody hell. Robert was shocked. One more thing. "How long does one have to play the flute to get any meat and how much meat do they get?"

"A pound for every hundred songs played."

"And how short can a song be? Does it need to be different songs each time?"

"A song is a song. The artist knows! And no. Practice makes perfect. Play the same song as many times as you want."

"And what are your affinities?"

"Life and Song!"

I wonder how many others in this one percent series exist," Noah wondered. "And these are good affinities. The Song affinity is the realm of fantastical Bards and Minstrels."

Amanda stood up with the Prime Vestige in her hand. "One percent fifeveal! I declare you… not a dud!"

She sent the Prime to her ring. Then she challenged Robert to say anything with a glare.

Robert chuckled and shrugged. "Guess I am smuggling the next dozen Primes, then."

Amanda returned the 1% fifeveal with a pout. "Let me see the other one."

"Look, we can find a mortal who will agree to a contract in exchange for the Prime later. You will get your prime baby beef."

"Ha! Prime baby beef." Amanda laughed, then became serious. "Robert, my hand is empty. I see no new Prime Vestige on it!"

Robert tried to stifle his laughter but failed. He gave Amanda the other Prime. She asked in her usual sing-along voice.

"A hundred zombie servants ye may rise, one fanatic undead Draugr ye shall receive."

"Zombies?" Amanda wondered.

"Yes. Raise zombies." The Prime answered.

"What is a Draugr?" Amanda asked.

"A Draugr is a Nordic undead warrior," Robert answered when the Prime remained mum. "They are supposed to be intelligent."

"Maybe these Draugr can grow stronger?" Noah wondered.

"Yes," the Prime answered. "The Draugr my talent creates are all capable of growth."

"How intelligent are these Draugr?" Noah asked.

"As smart as the body used."

"Can the wielder of the talent tell when they will create a Draugr instead of a zombie?" Amanda asked, a bit spooked and completely in awe.

"No. Draugr are received, not made."

"Are the Draugr created out of Ether?" Robert asked.

"Yes."

"Are the Draugr loyal to the talent user?"

"Absolutely loyalty! No force may steal them away!'

"Can the talent user communicate telepathically with the Draugr?"

"If they can use telepathy, then yes. Otherwise, No."

"Can the user create zombies with the talent alone?"

"No. They shall do it through the Unholy affinity."

"What are your affinities?" Amanda asked.

"Unholy, Death, and Darkness!"

"Damn, that's evil." Amanda winced.

"Do the zombies need to be made with human corpses?" Noah asked.

"No. Any corpse will do!"

“I got its name,” Robert said. “This one shall be called…”

Drum roll.

“...1% UnlifeZeal.”

Ba-Dum-Tss.

"Are you confiscating this prime too?" Robert asked Noah.

"I need to consult with the Imperial Knight Corps. But most likely, yes."

"We want full compensation at market value," Amanda said as she reluctantly handed the Prime over.

"That shall be no problem."

"And we want the appraise to consider the reverse affinities and if the talent mentioned golems instead of zombies," Amanda continued with her demands. An army of self-improving fanatical minions? We're starting negotiations at one billion!"

Business Amanda was scary, Robert noted.

"Tell you what. Let the Knight Corps destroy this Prime and I'll get you a Lightning treasure," Noah rebutted.

Amanda drew a long sigh. "Professor Noah Actus, just who are you?"

"Or who you were before becoming a teacher," Robert added before Noah could reply.

"If Samson's intelligence agency couldn't find out, maybe we should let ancient dragons lie. I have some contacts, though."

"Bah. Keep your secrets. Are you sure you can get me a Lightning treasure?" Amanda asked.

"Absolutely. It will happen only after the tournament, though."

Amanda squinted.

"Just in case there's no Lightning treasure available with my sources, is there any other you would accept?"

Amanda stared at Noah. Affinity treasures didn't go up for sale and they definitely would go for several billions if they did.

"Void, Time, or Space are not options," Noah rectified.

"If there's no Lightning, I expect you to tell me which ones are available so I can pick one."

"And I pay you a billion dollars if there's none you find acceptable?"

"I expect you to do your utmost."

"On my honor."

"Fine. We have a deal."

Noah nodded.