Novels2Search
1% Life's Real (a 1% Lifesteal parody)
Oh, I got those references!

Oh, I got those references!

Robert trained sword stances, guards, and moves for days in the liminal void. Since his body didn't get tired, he trained for sixteen hours straight, then slept for eight. Once he grew bored of the sword, he moved to the spear. Until his time in the liminal void ended and he was kicked out. Out in the real world, he gathered Life and Time wisps around the park. He got some of the former, and almost nothing of the latter. Rare affinities were a bitch to gather. He was lucky the void only created Void wisps otherwise he'd be screwed on that one. Actually, that one was a lie. Once he went back to the liminal void, he entered the Netherecho and found a Home wisp. What kind of Prime Vestige would grant Home affinity? Actually, never mind that. Prime Vestiges came in the weirdest types.

He now believed he wasn't in his right mind when he made a deal to increase his lifespan hundredfold but be forced to spend only one percent on the real world. Robert was bored out of his mind as he had to spend a month in the void just to see another sunrise. At least he got to read all the books he bought. Twice.

*

*

"Are you sure this is wise?" Robert's ethereal roommate asked.

"I need the money and the combat experience," he replied.

"Oh, boy. I won't stop you but I believe you should go after your dreams. Golly, look at me. Jimmly Crocket would be proud. Well, good luck. Just don't go overboard. Even if you can heal, some wounds can't be fixed with magic."

"Yeah, I got it."

Robert counted down the time, still missed by almost half an hour, but returned to reality, nonetheless. He made his way to the mall. He was low on funds but had a promising idea on how to raise more. What little he had left would not leave the mall with him.

There, he went to a little shop in an often-overlooked corridor, the place where the mall administration put all the key makers, clothing repair, and other less flashy businesses.

"Welcome to EtherealHeart Artificers." The sign said in a soothing female voice. The door opened on its own as Robert approached.

Inside, dozens upon dozens of gadgets and contraptions. All of them machined to a mind-boggling precision, works of art and mechanical engineering. Robert felt something awaken inside of him, a sense of childish joy and wonder.

"Hi, can I help you?" A redhead clerk asked.

"Sure, I want to commission an unique contraption," Robert answered.

This shop had an open challenge; if you commissioned a contraption they hadn't created before, you could get a unit for one percent of the retail price. Of course, they got to keep the idea but often these contraptions were so niche they only sold as a novelty to collectors.

The woman grinned, "oh, a new challenger appears! Just so you know, we charge a consultation fee of three thousand dollars if your contraption isn't unique."

Yeah, there went all his money. Despite Mickey's sensitive advice, he had to gamble.

"Sure," he replied.

"Let me flip the open sign and then we'll go to the office to talk. Name's Yolania, by the way."

She offered a hand, he shook it. "Robert."

Minutes later, they were at Yolania's office. The place was cluttered with several fancy machines and what looked like puzzle boxes. Robert couldn't tell what half of those things did even if his life depended on it.

"So, what is this thing you need?" She asked after confirming the payment.

"I plan to go to this realm where clocks don't work," he tapped his wristwatch. "Worse, things detached from me also stop. Water doesn't flow, fire doesn't burn or die out."

She leaned forward, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear.

"I need a reliable timekeeping device that can work while on my person. And it cannot use any ether or rely on electricity at all."

"Robert, sorry to tell you that but we've had mechanical clocks for centuries."

"It also needs an alarm function, make basic calculations on its own, keep track of a couple of time intervals, and detect when I enter or leave this stasis realm. Then it should manipulate these timers on its own based on preset rules. And it must be portable and resist being tossed around as the wearer fights without losing precision."

"Oh. That's more… sophisticated. Yet I don't think it counts as unique."

"Then sell me one of them now," Robert called on her bluff.

Yolania glared at him. Then she broke out laughing. "Consider your challenge accepted. It will take me a month to make it for you. Your deposit will cover the prototype. Just tell me, where is this realm?"

Robert stood up without replying. Yolania scoffed and waved him closer.

"Oh, keep your secrets. Just so you know, we don't reveal our sources unless a four-star comes knocking. Then all bets are off."

Realms interconnected by a labyrinthine network of passages. Between two given realms, hundreds of paths may exist and more were created as new passages opened. And humanity was exploring the passages for a long time. The odds of a brand-new realm getting connected to Earth was zero.

A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

But a new, more convenient path could skyrocket the perceived value of a realm. From just what Robert revealed, Yolania could connect the dots and figure out he had access to the liminal void. He knew that Mickey's former captors had access to it.

"That's fine," he replied.

From what Mickey said, even among those who could access that strange dimension, Robert's ability to move as he wanted was unique.

He talked with the artificer a bit longer, going into the minutiae of the requested device's functions.

When they ended, it was time to meet Chris's party and delve.

*

*

Robert wore his brigandine and sword. The spear stayed home because it was too bulky. He met his party in the lobby, the four of them sitting on a booth, sipping some drinks.

"Look at him, all suited up!" Chris lightly teased. The Earth Arch stood to shake Robert's hand, then punched him in the shoulder. The metal plates underneath the leather clanged loudly.

"And armed to the teeth too," Karla nodded and grinned.

Robert noticed a large leather bag slung over Chris' shoulder. "Is this..."

"Yeah, the bag of holding. We managed to borrow one and now we're thinking of staying overnight in the Mollusk Realm. Is this okay? If we fill this bag, we'll earn around three or four thousand each."

They waited for their slot and delved. Once inside, Liz matched Robert's pace.

"Do you know how to use that?" She asked.

"I trained for a month or two, so the answer is probably 'not'."

She chuckled lightly. "Perhaps it's enough to avoid committing suicide by incompetence."

"I can only hope." Robert replied. He noticed Liz wasn't intentionally abrasive though her words sounded so. He didn't sense any intent at offending him in either her voice or body language. He suspected that he could even... "Hey, could you give me some pointers when we stop to rest?"

She smiled, her distant and chilly air vanishing, turning one hundred and eighty degrees to show an angelical and sweet face. "It would be my pleasure!"

His mind went haywire. Robert ducked into the liminal void, making sure to freeze in place. He was getting good at playing the game of musical statues. In the liminal void, he cycled Lavi Flows to soothe and relax his body. He exhaled deeply.

"Damn. Get your thoughts out of the gutter," he slapped his cheeks. In his subjective time, he went a full year without any affection and even much human contact, much less of the... fairer sort.

And now he had little idea of how long he would need to stay in the void. A glance at the frozen watch on his wrist let him estimate he had around eighteen days and twelve hours of alone time.

Robert cycled his Essence using Lavi Flows, gathered void wisps, then removed his armor, set a bedroll, and slept with his back turned to the party. He split those eighteen days between gathering, training the sword, reading the primer on the Time affinity, and sleeping.

Once he felt his time was up, he packed up, took the same position as he entered, and waited. Colors suddenly returned to the world.

"I really appreciate that!" He replied, sounding totally artificial.

Karla spun and stared at him; one eyebrow raised. "Did you just... do that thing again?"

"Maybe?"

"You totally did!" She squealed. "I sensed as you disturbed the wind. Wait! Are we in danger?"

Robert checked with foresight. No dangers in the next minute, with almost absolute certainty. "No. I don't sense anything."

Karla glanced at the blonde swordswoman, then back at Robert. The archer grinned. "Never mind, then." She faced forward, wrapped her arms behind her head, and kept walking, whistling.

"Keep it quiet, please!" Chris asked from the front.

"I better go back to my place," Liz said as she started to jog, only to stop. "Then we'll spare at least half an hour to spar when we stop to rest."

Robert nodded and she went to take her place next to their leader. Xiao approached. The two let the others move further ahead as they slowed down.

"So..."

"Nothing to see here," Robert said.

"Sure. You seem to know what you are doing."

"I am. Learning how to fight so we can have better odds of surviving. Nothing else."

"Cool. If you want, I can help too."

"Appreciated and accepted. I don't really mind if it's not—"

"—a girl?" Xiao chuckled. Robert stared at the Fire Arch. Xiao ribbed him. "Almost got me fooled there."

Thirty feet ahead of them, Karla laughed. She peeked over her shoulder and poked a tongue at them.

*

*

They found another Mollusk hunting party. This time, it was three snails and three slugs, plus a floating squid that was a caster. Robert put Minor Haste on everyone and prepared Minor Slow in case he needed to assist someone out of a bad spot.

Winds sloshed around Karla as she fired arrows as fast as she could, the projectiles jumping out of the quiver and into her hands. Xiao flung cherry red throwing knives at the enemies out of melee range. Liz danced between two slugs, cutting them as she tried to get past the front line of enemies to reach the squid in the back. Meanwhile, Chris distracted two snails as he blocked their stone axes with his forearms yet suffered no cuts. Crescent-shaped dents appeared on the weapons where they struck the Earth Arch.

The squid raised three tentacles; eyes fixed on the archer. Ebony ink squirted out of these tentacles, flying over the landbound Mollusks. Karla huffed and three dust devils raised from the jungle floor, the swirling vortexes standing next to one another, catching the ink and becoming opaque. The loose foliage and twigs caught in the dust devils started to hiss and sizzle.

Robert wondered why these teens were so efficient at fighting the Mollusks. One would think they weren't greenhorns at all but seasoned warriors that trampled over these weak monsters. It couldn't be further from the truth. The thing was, these Mollusks were predictable as hell. People had been fighting them for decades and the strategies the deboned creatures used never changed. What the party was doing right now could be summated into rehearsed moves drilled into them by months of practice and mock battles. These strategies had a few variants, like the rolling flank assault they suffered yesterday. What went wrong then was that they expected the second snail to roll toward Xiao instead of Robert. The training against the snails was so ingrained they never even questioned whether Robert knew it or not.

Shaking his reverie and gathering his bearings, Robert cast Minor Slow on the squid to sap even more of its defenses. The monster staggered, then warbled violently and shook its tentacles, spraying ink all around it, forcing Liz to leap backward.

"Watch out!" She warned.

Another two leaps and she was back in front of the slugs. The ink splashed over the two wounded slugs and caused their backs to hiss. The monsters dropped their spears and tried to roll on the ground as if they were trying to put out fire on themselves.

"Cyclone Arrow!" Karla shouted.

Xiao and Liz ducked. Moments later an horizontal vortex pierced the inky tornadoes, suction pushing everything forward along with her shot. It drilled a hole through the squid's face in less time than the blink of an eye. Robert's jaw dropped. Xiao dropped the daggers on his hands and rushed to support Karla, who slumped like a puppet with the strings cut off.

Chris got distracted and gained a blunt ax slam into his stomach. He flew backward from the impact. Robert threw minor slow spells on the two surviving slugs and rushed to diagnose Chris. He counted the Mollusks as he went. The three slugs were down with Liz finishing the two that were burned by the ink, the squid, and one of the snails, all dead. All accounted for.

He waved a hand over the wounded Arch, healing hands doing their job and fixing his internal organs. It drained a lot of essence from Robert. The snails didn't wait for him to finish, Geneva convention ban on attacking medics or not. They snailed their way at a snail's pace, axes menacingly raised high.

Liz flashed between the snails and Robert, sabers shining. She slashed several times, leaving straight afterimages of her weapons in the air. Chunks of rubbery flesh fell from the creatures as she cut their arms, eye stalks, and finally, heads.