Novels2Search
1% Life's Real (a 1% Lifesteal parody)
Limited Offer: Robert the Kitten Plushies Merch (clickbait)

Limited Offer: Robert the Kitten Plushies Merch (clickbait)

Excited by what secrets the ornate vials held, Robert took everyone to the arcology. Amanda used her prerogatives as the third in command and demanded a private meeting with the appraiser.

"Miss Samson, thank you for the opportunity," the woman said as she entered the meeting room and took a seat. "How may I help you?"

"Good afternoon, Jennifer. Please make yourself comfortable. We got some treasure from a Dungeon," Amanda said. "We need to know what it is."

"I'd be happy to decipher the treasure's secrets, Miss. Where is it?"

Amanda took the chest out of her storage ring. The chest was beautiful and could be sold to collectors. The first rule of looting a Dungeon was to take everything that was not nailed down. If you were going to rob some monster's house, you better be thorough. She opened the chest and revealed the vials.

The woman took one and focused. "A potent elixir of insight," she said after a while. "After drinking this draught, you will understand more about your talent. Hidden nuances your Prime Vestige kept from you will be revealed."

Robert whistled. Noah nodded as he shifted his body to pay closer attention to the three bottles.

"What starter price would you set if you were to put one of these vials up for auction?" Amanda asked.

"Three hundred million, Miss. As a modest starter price. With the right advertisement and the right patrons, it could go as high as one can imagine."

"That's good enough, thank you, Jennifer," Amanda said. "Can it be taken halfway?"

"I'm afraid not. The magic would be lost unless you drink it all."

"Is the insight instantaneous or will it take time to meditate on it?" Robert asked.

"The elixir will wake your Prime Vestige up and compel it to speak the truth."

"I'll take mine, then," Robert said. He picked up the bottle he had uncorked previously.

Dungeons had a wide range of characteristics. Some were static, never changing and only resetting. Others were completely chaotic, changing layout, theme, and monsters every delve. Some granted the same treasure every single time, others cycled through a set of rewards, some drew from a pool of possible rewards at random and others were entirely up to luck.

But if this Dungeon gave such elixirs regularly, it would be worth setting up an outpost to protect the passage and house a dedicated team of raiders to farm the elixir.

"Can someone take this elixir more than once?"

"Yes but it will grant no benefit. A single use will reveal all secrets. Oh. Sorry. I misspoke. Yes, but only if the Arch has ascended to the next star or beyond."

Amanda lowered her eyes. "I think I'll sell mine to my father or to granny. I feel like my talent doesn't hold any secrets from me."

"Understandable," Noah said. "I too will gift mine to a friend."

With that, the chest was now empty. Amanda pointed at it. "Jennifer, you can keep the chest as a thank-you gift."

Jennifer smiled. She knew the chest was valuable as is but it would be even more valuable when the Dungeon it came from gained notoriety.

After finishing their errands at the arcology, Robert took his party back to the Academy. They each went their own way.

*

*

Robert sat on a grayscale park, one of the many relaxation spots scattered around the Academy campus. He looked at the vial in his hand.

"Blossom, do you think I should take this elixir?"

"You surely should," the unique Prime Vestige replied.

"Are you holding back any secrets from me?"

"Hey! A lady is nothing if she cannot keep secrets!"

Robert chuckled. "Sure. So?"

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I know you, Robert Blaze. Nothing I say will stop you from taking that draught. Besides, the Void bastard is surely keeping a ton of secrets from you."

"Here goes nothing, then!" Robert opened the bottle and chugged the liquid. It tasted like strawberry-flavored cough medicine. Thick and sticky. The flakes were real blood and metallic gold.

He found himself in his Ethercosm. Above his stars, the two Prime Vestiges hovered, tethered to a star each. Robert knew that was just a representation. Everything he saw here was just a representation of what was inside his soul. But he felt some force guiding him as if he was in a lucid dream.

Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author's preferred platform and support their work!

He looked to the 1% Life's Real Prime. "Reveal your secrets to me," Robert felt compelled to ask.

"We were fated to meet," the Prime Vestige said. "For we once were part of the same soul, a century ago."

Robert remembered what the haberdasher said when he went to get his measurements for a special suit. That it wasn't his first time on this Earth after the rift cataclysm. How did the old man know this was anyone's guess. It was rude to ask strangers about their talents.

"Who set this meeting up?" He pressed.

"Your past self. She was a master of the Void. You know her. Look inside yourself. She even made sure to get you to manifest this other one. Though it wasn't meant for your use. But what's done is done."

"What about my talent?"

"The Void is your demesne. Reality is just a place you visit. Travel without fear of getting lost but do not go into the abode of the old ones."

"Are you saying I can go to other realms? Without the need to go through the passages?"

"Yes. But it will take effort and time."

"Can I go to the deep void and gather wisps?"

"If you so desire."

"How can I tell if I'm near the abode of the old ones?"

"You do."

Robert couldn't argue. He knew he could sense their eldritch presence.

"Can I go back to reality before the set time to return?"

"Time is but a fleeting notion in here. Why would you care?"

"What if I want to send a guest back to reality? Before the set time to return."

"Guests of the Emperor should behave and wait patiently. It's not like they get any older in here."

"Why do you call me the Emperor?"

"Because you are the Emperor. The Void is your Empire."

"Any other secrets you aren't telling me?"

"No. That is all the knowledge I hold."

Robert shifted his head to look at Blossom. "Shall we?"

"Sure. It's not like I have much choice. What do you want to know?"

"Besides going invisible and flying, what other fairy powers do I have that you didn't tell me?"

"You missed the unaging body. Your fairy form doesn't age or wither." Blossom said.

"Very well. What else?"

"While in your fairy form, you can shapeshift into small animals. Your wings create fairy dust. You can make minor cosmetic changes to your form. You also can change faster. Honestly, seeing you transform is like seeing a snail race a mink."

"How can I change faster, then?"

"It's all in your mind," Blossom snickered. "You decided that the transformation should happen slowly, morphing your body part-by-part, instead of just going 'poof, I'm a fairy now'."

"Why did I start to behave like a fairy when I remained transformed for too long?"

"Where the body goes, so does the mind." Blossom recited.

"If I finish that imprint of my mind, will it keep me human?"

"Yes. Improve your willpower. You neglected that Jade Mind tempering. It will help too. Temper your shell with a concept to grant your willpower strength."

"Did the talent you granted me receive an upgrade at two stars?"

"No. You absorbed me after your ascension. Talents do not change except during an ascension."

That revived an old question Robert had. "Can a talent devolve during an ascension?"

"Yes, they can," Blossom replied. "But only if you are a dumbass and pumped your star full of artificial supplements. You are doing the right thing. Go out and wrestle power out of your enemies' dead corpses. That's the way. The true way. The only way."

That resonated with what Titania said about power.

"What can I do with fairy dust? And how do I collect them?"

"Ask your masked teacher. Just scrape your wings with something straight and collect the dust that falls."

Robert felt that the draught's effects were ending.

"Last question. Did you know I was reincarnated?"

"No. I became aware the moment I manifested. But I knew I should bond with the one destined to become your helper in your journey. Now you are on your own."

Robert was yanked out of his Ethercosm.

*

*

Back in the liminal void, Robert transformed. He kept the image Blossom gave him sharp in his mind. 'Poof, I'm a fairy'. He didn't feel his body change. One moment he was human, the next his clothes fell down as he floated in place. He'd already transformed with wings and stuff.

Next, Robert imagined himself as a house cat. 'Poof, I'm a cat.' His sight changed and he fell about two feet to the still-warm pile of clothes (hint: nothing changed temperatures in the liminal void), his body twisting to let him fall on all four paws.

"Meow!" Robert tested his vocal prowess. He looked down and saw his storage rings lying on his clothes. Oh. He didn't have fingers anymore, right? And these rings were so shiny... he wanted to paw them.

Robert then changed into a rabbit. A porcupine. Ferret. Robin. Mouse. Pinscher. Naked mole rat. Prairie dog. Crab. Frog. Newt. Owl. Falcon.

He couldn't become a koala. Too big. Tarantula? Ok. Butterfly? Perfect. Pony? Nope.

It was so much fun. He returned to human, sitting naked on his clothes. He put his rings back on his fingers. Then the clothes in the rings.

'Poof, I'm a fairy'.

He changed his hair color and length. The color and pattern on his wings. In front of a mirror, he changed some of his facial features, finding it hard the less he resembled himself. Then he went back to human.

Now, he tried to go straight from human to a marmoset monkey. It worked. And the rings remained on his fingers.

Robert then sat down and worked on his imprint until it was time to return.

*

*

Sunday Night. While most people were preparing to sleep, going to church, or just relaxing before a work week, Fairy-Robert was dealing wholesale genocide. He was on the opposite side of the planet, letting his curses reap the life out of the oceans as he fed all the essence to his void heart. His whole body burned and ached from the copious amounts of essence he was receiving from the curses down below and funneling to his black heart. While he managed to go from stage 0 to stage 1 in a single night, he'd need three or four to reach the cusp of stage 1. But he couldn't upgrade the void heart to stage 2 until he reached three stars.

His second star was churning a lot of primal Ether, or Aura as it was popularly called. It was slowly ticking upward, getting closer to the cusp where it would ignite into his third star. It would still take at least a year, even at this speed of growth.

He sensed he had several challenges in front of him. He had to grow powerful. As powerful as he could, as fast as possible. He needed to win the tournament but he would always concede in favor of Amanda, should they both reach the finals. What would he ask the Empress for?

An affinity treasure for any affinity that was not one of the common eight. Or an essence treasure. More of the former, less of the latter. Because he was going to try and open the Void Gates of Nirvana. Soon.

But all this essence had its drawbacks. Not only it burned Robert's body but some of it accumulated on his body. Thankfully, he could just go to the liminal void every two hours and spend more than eight days detoxifying his body. Then it was back to the grinder. Every time, his tolerance increased a little. His essence channels got tougher, better, and more conducive.

It was gruesome work but it paid off. Robert managed to grow his void heart storage capacity by twenty percent, leaving him with more Essence than any two-star (without such reservoirs) could hope to have.

But morning arrived. He went back to the Academy, for the final fight of the winner's bracket.