That Time I Got Sent to Another World Where All of the Girls Are Super Hot and Super Into Me Because I Am Super Strong and Have Very Powerful Abilities that God Gave to Me Because Me and Them Were Friends When I Was in Grade School and God Is Actually A Loli Who is Also in Love with Me Because I Am A Super Epic Person Who Will Defeat The Demon Lord Who Threatens The Entire World but the Demon Lord Actually is in Love With Me and the Demon Lord is a Super Hot Busty Babe Who is Actually Just Trying to Get My Attention Because I Have a Cellphone That Can Contact the Internet and Can Get Anything Shipped To Me Within 2 Days But I Barely Need It Because I Am Actually the Most Strongest Guy Alive Because I Have Super Strong Powers Like Being Able to Lift Your Mom Really Easily Which is Nearly Impossible Because Your Mom is So Fat But is Actually A Secret Anime Busty Babe Who is Really into Me Because I Am Super Cool and Better Than Your Dad Because He is Super Lame Which I Am Not:
Rescue 2.11 - In Which A Catfight Breaks Out
Bonbon spun around in the center of the wagon, unintentionally letting out a quiet whimper as the Mean Girls crowded in on all sides.
"You..." Heart Eyepatch accused, her face a patchwork mess of running mascara and 2nd degree burns, "Are SUCH a bitch."
"Yeah," Pigtails added, applying a tourniquet to staunch the bleeding on her throat wound. "We were just gonna, like, rob and kill you, and you had to go throwing a little hissy fit."
"She stabbed me!" cried the one she had stabbed twice. "Twice! I am literally shaking right now."
Bonbon lifted her apron up protectively. The [Unbreakable Apron] skill was great when it came to defense, but it was mostly good against stabbing or slashing or elements. It only helped a bit against blunt trauma. Plus, it only worked if she could actually block with it. If somebody hit her from behind, she'd take the full brunt of the blow. Surrounded like she was, she had a whole lot of 'behind'. Bonbon swallowed, trying to force down the lump in her throat.
"What are we gonna do with this capital-b witch?" Stone Axe asked, drawing a knife with a long, thin blade. Bonbon recognized it instantly as a filet knife, perfect for skinning and trimming meat from the bone. She shivered.
The raider next to Stone Axe frowned. "Uhh, Becky? There's no 'B' in witch."
Becky's shoulders dropped and she rolled her eyes before leaning over to whisper in her friend's ear. Her friend blinked, then her eyes widened in realization.
"Ohhhhh! You're so clever!"
"I know, right?" Becky replied, half-mocking, before turning back to Bonbon, her face suddenly stony. She looked the chef up and down, tapping her fingers on the blade of her knife.
"Let's make her into a throw rug."
Pigtails let out an exaggerated groan of disgust, then snickered. "No way! She'd be gaudy as heck. I mean, look at her."
"We should make a wind-chime out of her ribs," another one suggested, lifting a fucking bonesaw she'd pulled from somewhere.
"We can mutilate her later," Heather told them, returning from having stepped away from the cart. "I have questions for her, first." She twisted and hurled Hiro into the cart. He drifted in a straight line as he was thrown, moving at a static speed, seemingly unaffected by gravity or friction. Bonbon watched as Hiro slowly drifted into the side of the cart's inner wall, her fear-addled mind blanking entirely at the bizarre spectacle. He bounced back a bit and slowed to a stop, hovering at a slight diagonal a few inches above the cart's surface.
"First question: What the hell is that guy's, like, whole deal?" Heather lifted the broken haft of her weapon."This happened to be a gift from King Ch-" She stopped suddenly, her eyes going wide with a sudden intensity, like somebody noticing they were about to walk into an open manhole. "... the King. How'd his dumb face break it?"
Bonbon wondered why she'd stopped and corrected herself, but knew better than to let her curiosity show on her face. "He, um... is extremely powerful," she replied instead. "I'm not really sure how or why, but he's got all kinds of ridiculous resistances and abilities."
Heather narrowed her eyes, tilting her head to inspect Hiro further. Her gaze rose to his skateboard, and his name, which was written on the deck. "Those characters..." She nodded to Heart Eyepatch, who was busy re-applying concealer to her burned face. Heart Eyepatch paused in her application to lean in close.
"...yeah," she agreed. "It's, like, the same alphabet the King showed us. Do you think this guy is a [Candidate] too?"
"[Candidate]?" Bonbon asked. Heather and Heart Eyepatch both ignored her. What did they mean by that? A candidate for what? It had also sounded like a [Title], the way they'd pronounced it. Did they know something about why Hiro was so powerful? Or why he was so, to put it gently, batshit insane?
She had plenty of questions she wanted to ask, but the raider behind her -the one she'd stabbed twice- was eagerly slapping a cudgel on her open palm, her bloodshot eyes begging Bonbon to give her an excuse. Bonbon wisely left the exposition for another time.
"I bet King Chad will know!" one of the other raiders suggested. At her words, a strange buzz of energy seemed to go through the rest of the raiders.
"OH. MY. GAWD! Of course! King Chad is soooooo smart!" one of the raiders exclaimed, her voice taking on a strange cadence.
"He's just, like, the best! I'm sure he'll know!" another sighed, glowing hearts in the center of her eyes.
"King Chaaaaaaaddddd!" Pigtails whined. "Can we just, like, kill this bitch already? I want to go look at King Chad!"
The rest of the raiders voiced similar opinions, moaning or gushing, or in the case of Heart Eyepatch, doing a little dance while holding her face and blushing. Bonbon was a bit unnerved, and her [Princess] skill was pinging her in the back of her head. This wasn't a normal reaction, for sure. Something odd was at play. Who was this King Chad guy? She had read the Big Book of Monarchs, and hadn't ever heard of a 'Chad'.
Heather, seemingly the only one unaffected, let out a long huff of a sigh, casting an irritated glance at the one who had first piped up.
"Girlfriends, CHILL," she commanded, activating her [Leadership Mastery] skill. The others jerked back as she spoke, and began to settle down. Heather waited until they'd all finished composing shitty love poems and screaming King Chad's name before she continued. "We should, like, take the guy in. The King will totally want to see him. As for her..."
She looked pointedly at Bonbon, and the [Princess] didn't need to be a genius to know what she had in mind. Bonbon glanced around, but it didn't seem like help was coming. Hiro still didn't show any sign of waking up. And she was too surrounded to make a run for it...
Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.
She glanced at the horse, who hadn't had much opinion on the events so far, but was staring kind of warily at the Rockatiels. Well... maybe it was time for a gamble.
Bonbon nodded sagely. "You're right. I should have surrendered from the start..."
Heather grinned a vicious smile. "Well, it's like, too-"
"I know," Bonbon said, giving her a determined stare and another nod. "it's too late for mercy. I attacked you first, and I'm prepared to face the consequences for my actions."
A cruel giggle went through the Mean Girls, who stared at Bonbon like she was a small filled chocolate, their eyes glinting in the moonlight, a predatory hunger settling over them.
"I just have one request..." Bonbon said, lowering her head mournfully. "Please, the one who kills me..."
She looked around at the group, her eyes filled with tears of anxiety masquerading as tears of remorse. She took a deep breath, looking from one unfriendly face to the next. Here goes nothing.
"Please let me be killed by whichever one of you is King Chad's favorite."
A quiet settled over the raiding party, and then a sudden tension, like a live wire suddenly snapping taut.
"Uh... I mean. That's obviously me, right? Like, yay, that's me!" Pigtails said, tilting her head in a cute way and pumping her fist into the air.
"Uh, excuse you? I'M obviously his favorite!" Heart Eyepatch retorted, placing her hands on her hips. Outrage was painted on her face, between the burns and coverup.
"That's a cute joke, guys. Has he, like, even talked to you for more than a minute? He's talked to ME for THREE minutes," Becky gloated, preening.
"Guys..." Heather said, walking forward to get between Pigtails and Heart Eyepatch, who had started to square off against each other. "Don't start..."
"Oh yeah?!" another of the raiders gloated. "Well, he had sex with me! I think that makes it pretty obvious! Duh!"
Heart Eyepatch turned and snorted. "Bitch, he's had sex with all of us. Don't even start."
Most of the raiders nodded in agreement. "Well, he ALMOST got my name right! He called me Kelly!" another added.
"Well, my name IS Kelly, so clearly he was too busy thinking about me," declared the raider that Bonbon had stabbed twice.
"Take a chill pill, guys! Like, seriously!" Heather demanded, losing her patience. Her [Leadership Mastery] skill's command ability was still on cooldown for the next 30 seconds. Things were starting to get heated. "I'm sure that King Chad loves us all equally, right?"
"PFF," Pigtails scoffed. "Heather, we all know you're just saying that 'cause you think YOU'RE his favorite. He didn't put you in charge because he likes you best, you know? He put you in charge because you're the most butch."
Heather's jaw clenched, Pigtail's comments legitimately hurting her feelings. "That's... I'm not... I mean..." Her hand subconsciously went up to her shoulders. Was the platemail too much?
"Hey!" Heart Eyepatch said, scowling at Pigtail. She shoved her in the chest, sending her staggering back a few steps. "You leave Heather alone! She may not be King Chad's favorite, but she's like, a billion times better than you are."
Not-Kelly held up one finger and gave the rest of the group a challenging glare. "Why don't we have a King Chad Trivia Contest to prove who his favorite is?"
"That's such a shitty idea," Becky growled. "That like, just proves who loves King Chad most, not who his favorite is."
"Wait..." Heather said, suddenly jerking out of her fugue as she noticed something. "Guys..."
"Well, at least I'm coming UP with ideas!" Not-Kelly snapped back. "Instead of just whining."
"GUYS!" Heather shouted, activating her [Leadership Mastery] again. A surge went through the raiders, and they blinked, their hostilities fading, leaving behind only a simmering unrest and a lot of hurt feelings.
Heather sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. She took a deep breath and looked up, making eye contact briefly with each of her ashamed subordinates. She held one hand out, indicating the now-horseless cart they were gathered around.
"Where did that bitch go?"
----------------------------------------
Bonbon was riding like her life was on the line, which was good, considering that it was. She wasn't sure how much time that little gambit would buy her, but she was just happy it had worked. Of course, if they caught her, they were going to be even MORE pissed.
They would probably kill her, and then kill her again. Maybe even kill her three times. Bonbon hyperventilated. She recalled there being some breathing technique to help calm oneself, but she couldn't remember the particulars, so she tried breathing a few different ways.
It didn't help. She was still panicked, but now her chest hurt. She was running along the road. There had to be an Inn ahead, and an Inn probably meant civilization, or at least a den of scum similar enough to civilization to scare off the [Valley Elves]. The road ahead curved around a bend, a tall cliff obscuring the view beyond it. It was maybe a few miles away. Once she was around that...
A loud screech pierced the night, and Bonbon looked in the horse's rearview mirror. Her heart dropped. The raiders were in fast pursuit, their Rockatiels flying low over the ground. They were still a ways back, but they were catching up. Fast.
"YOUUUUUUU BIIIIIIIITCH!" Heather shouted, swinging her backup mace over her head as she came within shouting distance.
"Eeeuugguughhh..." Bonbon whimpered back, which she had to admit wasn't her finest comeback. She was starting to come up on the cliff now, but the Rockatiels had landed, and were only 300 feet behind her. 250 feet. 200 feet...
"Come on..." Bonbon whispered, to nobody in particular. She clenched her eyes shut, praying to Flavos and Kamiko and anybody else she could think of. She even went out on a limb and tossed a few prayers Hiro's way, because you never knew. The raiders were closing in, and one of them ventured a hail-mary knife toss, which actually skimmed the back of Bonbon's thigh. She yelped in surprise and pain, digging her heels into the side of the horse desperately.
The bend was approaching, and the raiders were on her heels. The Inn was probably behind the bend! That was an obvious landmark, so all she had to do was make it, and she'd be home free! She turned wide around the cliff face and saw...
Nothing.
It was another long, empty stretch of road that traveled parallel to the cliff. It stretched, Innless, for miles ahead. Bonbon's heart sank.
"I... I guess this is it..." she said, her voice hollow. She reached for the knife on her belt. She wasn't much of a fighter, but maybe she'd find some hidden inner strength, and manage to overpower seven pissed off, experienced warriors that were probably all higher level than her. She took a deep breath, clutching the reins tightly. If she did a sharp turn, she could probably...
"[GIGA...."
A sudden voice interrupted the night. Bonbon looked around in confusion, but didn't see anybody. It hadn't sounded like a Valley Elf, it lacked that iconic intellectual void that they had. Had she just imagined the the voice? And what was that... whooshing noise?
"IMPACT]!" the voice finished, as the ground erupted behind Bonbon, sending her and the horse rocketing forwards. The elf chef went flying from the saddle, while the Horse did a nimble frontflip and landed to continue running down the road. Bonbon flew through the air, clutching desperately at her apron to block the worst of the gnarly wipeout that left several craters in the ground and deposited her upside down into a bush.
She blinked the dizziness, pain, and various leaves out of her eyes, to stare in confusion at the wreckage behind her. A massive impact had cratered the road, and shot up a wall of jagged earth, which the raiders had slammed into. A lone figure stood in the crater, a young woman wearing silver platemail and holding tight to a flanged mace which was embedded in the epicenter of the blast. With a swift wrenching motion, the woman hauled the mace out of the ground. She turned to smile at Bonbon, her short blue hair blowing in the breeze.
Bonbon blinked in confusion. She'd kind of expected, or at least hoped, that Hiro would wake up. At the very least, she'd held out a sliver of hope that Wanda might double back to help her. Who... was this?
The woman in armor shouldered her weapon and walked towards Bonbon. As she came closer, Bonbon could make out her pale blue eyes, and a bandage across the bridge of her nose. The woman grinned, a wide, toothy smile spreading on her boyish face. She thumbed her nose proudly with her spare hand, and struck the triumphant pose of a conquering hero, looking down at the flabbered and gasted elf she'd rescued.
"Kept you waiting, huh?"