That Time I Got Sent to Another World Where All of the Girls Are Super Hot and Super Into Me Because I Am Super Strong and Have Very Powerful Abilities that God Gave to Me Because Me and Them Were Friends When I Was in Grade School and God Is Actually A Loli Who is Also in Love with Me Because I Am A Super Epic Person Who Will Defeat The Demon Lord Who Threatens The Entire World but the Demon Lord Actually is in Love With Me and the Demon Lord is a Super Hot Busty Babe Who is Actually Just Trying to Get My Attention Because I Have a Cellphone That Can Contact the Internet and Can Get Anything Shipped To Me Within 2 Days But I Barely Need It Because I Am Actually the Most Strongest Guy Alive Because I Have Super Strong Powers Like Being Able to Lift Your Mom Really Easily Which is Nearly Impossible Because Your Mom is So Fat But is Actually A Secret Anime Busty Babe Who is Really into Me Because I Am Super Cool and Better Than Your Dad Because He is Super Lame Which I Am Not:
Chapter 16: That time I was resurrected into another world and entered a cooking competition
I quickly took stock of the situation. The chef across from me was sharpening his knife, as his cooking minions worked around us to mis our en place for the cooking showdown that was to come. The chef leered out the little window that they used to pass food, cartoonishly letting his tongue loll out as he looked at Wanda. The beast-animal-ears-folk-person [Slave] in question was currently leaning back in her chair, her eyes glazed and nose bleeding, presumably out of boredom.
"I can't wait to get a [Slave]!" the chef said lecherously. "I'm going to make her do this and that and the other."
I looked around at the kitchen, wondering why he wanted her. It seemed like he had plenty of assistants already. Maybe he was just interested in cutting costs. In any case, I had no intention of actually letting him get Wanda! That would mean I would have to lose, and that would be devastating to my ego, and also not possible.
Still... I hadn't ever cooked back in my world. I had to hope my [Skills] would be useful enough to get me through it! Incidentally, I had practiced making a piece of toast and had unlocked a few new skills, as well as learning a few manually through my [Instantly Learn Skill] skill. Here's how my status looked so far:
Name: Hiro ♥ Protagonist
Level: 2
EXP: 63/125
Skill Points: 100005
Gold Stars: 51
Gacha Coins: 1,000,000,099
HP: 69425/69425
MP: 1337/1337
SP: 9999/9999
FP: 1/1
Attributes:
Stranth: 20000
Dexterity: 20000
Swoleness: 20000
Magic: 20000
Karma: 510
Mojo: 99999
Luck: -99999
Skills:
[Jumping Supremacy - Lvl 10] [Hopmeister] [Running Supremacy - Lvl 10] [Windrunner] [Climbing Supremacy - Lvl 10] [Cliffwalker] [Crawling Supremacy - Lvl 10] [Crawldad] [Swimming Supremacy - Lvl 10] [Motorboat Legs] [Cooking Supremacy - Lvl 10] [Godly Chef] [Divine Heavenly Chef] [Punching Invulnerability] [Slashing Invulnerability] [Projectiles Invulnerability] [Stabbing Invulnerability] [Crushing Invulnerability] [Toe-stubbing Invulnerability] [Burning Invulnerability] [Lightning Invulnerability] [Fish Invulnerability] [Shadow Invulnerability] [Surprise Invulnerability] [Light Invulnerability] [Heavy Invulnerability] [Greater Invulnerability] [Wind Invulnerability] [Water Invulnerability] [Earth Invulnerability] [Sleep Invulnerability] [Pain Invulnerability] [Silence Invulnerability] [Curse Invulnerability] [Emotional Damage Invulnerability] [Seduction Invulnerability] [Wisdom Invulnerability] [Shame Invulnerability] [Heat Invulnerability] [Cold Invulnerability] [Itching Invulnerability] [Discomfort Invulnerability][Alcohol Invulnerability] [Drug Invulnerability] [Spicy Invulnerability] [Cringe Invulnerability] [Absolute Invulnerability] [Arrest Resistance - Lvl 1] [Plot Armor] [Indomitable Will] [Greater Maneuverability] [Swooce Supremacy] [3D Maneuvering] [4D Maneuvering] [Noclip] [Greater Fisticuffs] [Fisticuffs Supremacy] [Kill Anything In A Single Punch] [Elemental Punches] [Flaming Energy Ball] [Stunning Blow] [Poisoning Blow] [Silencing Blow] [Surprising Blow] [Fisherman's Fist] [Cursing Blow] [Stunning Slash] [Poisoning Slash] [Silencing Slash] [Surprising Slash] [Fisherman's Blade] [Cursing Slash] [Sexpert] [Ultra Fabio] [Expert Swordsman] [Dual-Wielding] [Triple-Wielding] [Sword Saint] [Energy Blade] [Expert Spearsman] [Spear Extension (All natural supplement)] [Triple Thrust] [Expert Hammersman] [Ultra Crush] [Whirlwind Smash] [Expert Archer] [Multishot] [Homing Shot] [Penetrating Shot] [Ricochet Shot] [Curving Shot] [Splitting Shot] [Returning Shot] [Explosive Shot] [Dual-Wielding (Bows)] [Instant Reload] [Tennis Master] [Ultra Serve] [Devil Serve] [Hell Rally] [Dakimakura Supremacy] [Dakimakura Expert] [Bar Fighting Supremacy] [Brawler] [Drunken Master] [Expert Staffsman] [Spinny Boi] [Crushing Staff] [Helicopter Staff] [Acrobatic Flipwaltz] [Fishing Supremacy] [King Angler] [Snap Cast] [Casting Supremacy] [Casting King] [Handsome - Lvl 10] [Perfect Hair] [Imbue Weapon] [Enhance Weapon] [Create Weapon] [Repair Weapon] [Sell Weapon] [Trick or Treat Room] [Time Slow] [Time Stop] [Win Almost Everything But Not Everything] [Win Everything Else] [Speak With Animals] [Speak with Plants] [Speak with Monsters] [Speak with Idiots] [Speak with Walls] [Greater Speaking] [Appraisal (but secretly infinite knowledge)] [Greater Vore] [Shield Supremacy] [Shield Saint] [Dual Wielding (Shields)] [Dual Welding] [Arch Welding] [Godly Welding] [Instantly Learn Skill] [Regeneration] [Super Regeneration] [Ultra Regeneration] [Max Regeneration] [Ultra Max Regeneration] [Clown Resistance] [Smoke Ring Basics - Lvl 2] [Steal] [Burgle] [Purloin] [Stealth] [Greater Stealth] [Sneak King] [Invisibility] [Demon Lord - Lvl 10] [Hero - Lvl 10] [Sidekick - Lvl 10] [Evil Vizier - Lvl 10] [Greater Stranth] [All Natty] [Greater Dexterity] [Skanda] [Greater Swoleness] [Bloatlord] [Greater Magic Casting] [Greater Magic Perception] [Greater Magic Intuition] [Greater Magic Licensing] [Greater Magic Conscription] [Parliamentary Recess] [Height of Occultism] [Greater Flame Magic] [Heat Miser] [Greater Wind Magic] [Tornadist] [Greater Ice Magic] [Snow Miser] [Greater Earth Magic] [Rockhaver] [Greater Light Magic] [Dayman] [Greater Dark Magic] [Nightman] [Greater Surprise Magic] [Magic Magician] [Greater Dimensional Magic] [Space Folder] [Greater Death Magic] [Overlord] [Lesser Flavor Magic] [Psionics] [Greater ESPer] [Mind Bullets] [Telekinetic] [Telepathetic] [Teleportation (Minor)] [Instant Transmission] [Greater Mojo] [Funklord] [Bargain Hunter] [Dealsmith] [Hagglemeister] [Greater HP Regeneration] [Automatic Resurrection] [Lesser MP Regeneration] [Greater SP Regeneration] [Greater FP Regeneration] [Dragon Power] [Dragon Breath] [Dragon Wings] [Greater Fursona: Dragon] [Ninja] [Divine Blessing] [Mental Dictionary] [Mental Rolodex] [Mental Thesaurus] [Mental Encyclopedia] [Mental Almanac] [Mental Coloring Book] [Brain Cell Phone] [Inter-dimensional Cell Phone] [Demon Eye] [Evil Eye: Curse] [Evil Eye: Killing] [Evil Eye: Poison] [Evil Eye: Itching] [Evil Eye: Surprise] [Evil Eye: Silence] [Evil Eye: Cringe] [Evil Eye: Laser Beams] [Binocular Vision] [Telescopic Vision] [X-Ray Vision] [Heat Vision] [Clairvoyance] [Periscope Vision] [Supervision] [Expert Hearing] [Double-Ear] [Long-Range Hearing] [Expert Smelling] [Sniff Supremacy] [Expert Taste] [6 Foot Tongue] [Skeleton Detection] [Manifest Wings] [Manifest Horns] [Manifest Extra Arms] [Shapeshifter] [Trainer] [Personal Trainer] [Slave Owner] [Slave Friend] [Monster Tamer] [Monster Friend] [Monster King] [EXP Share] [Monster] [Instant Change (Outfit)] [Greater Color Coordination] [Wrath] [Pride] [Lust] [Greed] [Envy] [Gluttony] [Sloth] [Chastity] [Temperance] [Charity] [Diligence] [Kindness] [Patience] [Humility] [Defy Gods] [Defy Parking Ticket] [Flying] [Greed is Good] [Greater Monologue] [Monologue Supremacy] [Instant Monologue]
Titles:
[Emperor] [Ollie King] [Jump King] [Climb King] [Running King] [Crawling King] [Mystery Chef] [Angler King] [Ultra Mage] [Seven Deadly Sins Master] [Seven Heavenly Virtues Master] [Super Mage] [Great Warrior] [Demon Lord] [Hero] [Champion of the Sun] [Karate Master] [Evil Vizier] [Good Vizier] [Sword Saint] [Spear Saint] [Shield Saint] [Hammer Saint] [Bow Saint] [Fashion Police] [Monster Trainer] [Monster] [Tennis Master] [Furry] [Dragon Slayer] [Dragon] [Coward] [Bully] [Cad] [Thief] [Staff Saint] [Expert Driver] [Ace Pilot] [Horseman] [Heretic] [Anti-Pope] [Pope] [Double Jesus] [Photographer] [ESPer King] [Inventor] [Gourmand] [Entrepreneur] [Ultrapreneur] [Enchanter] [Drunkard] [Small Business Owner] [Cell Phonetrix] [Sk8r Boy] [Ultra Sk8r Boy] [World Savior] [God's Favorite] [Skeleton Killer] [Slaver] [Slave Tycoon] [Emancipator] [Great Emancipator] [Human Killer]
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Cell Phone Artes:
[Minesweeper] [Internet Browser] [Calculator] [Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2] [Sahara Prime] [Monster Catching] [Camera] [Dating App] [Future Diary] [Cell Phone Sword] [Status HUD] [FoodHut] [Infinite Wallet] [UPC Scanner] [Pocket Storage] [Affinity Chart] [Headphone Jack] [Infinite Battery] [Solitaire] [Snake]
Slave Artes:
[Boost Attributes (Physical)]
[Skill Synergy: Dragon Forme]
[Skill Synergy: Pro Skater Forme]
[DLC Costume Shop]
Board Artes:
[Kickflip Slash]
[Eternal Grind]
[Biggie Head Mode]
Spells:
[Blaze Ollie - Lvl 10]
[Thunder Grind - Lvl 10]
[Frost Tycoon - Lvl 10]
[Malamphosicet's Greater Illusion of 1000 Blades: Sword Art: Spell Sword: Magic Slash: "The Dusk Calls Me At Last, Onwards (Requiem) - Lvl 10]
[Wind - Lvl 10]
[Warp Reality]
[Dimension Box]
[Greatest Healing - Lvl 10]
[Resurrection - Lvl 10]
[Lightning Spear - Lvl 10]
[Dark Blast - Lvl 10]
[Dark Lash - Lvl 1]
[Self-Destruct - Lvl 10]
[Earthquake - Lvl 10]
[Explosion - Lvl 10]
[Dispel Curse]
[Add Curse]
[Unslave]
[Charm Person]
[Mind Lash]
[Spirit Bomb]
[Deus Ex Machina]
[Meteor Storm]
[Biscuit Hammer]
[Cloudkill]
[Summon Dakimakura]
[Light]
[Make Cube]
[Create Shadow Clone No Bunshin]
[Force Cage]
[Create Food]
[Bestow Flavor: Spicy]
[Bestow Flavor: Umami]
[Cloud of Cinnamon]
[Create Scrumptious Reagent]
DLC Perks:
[Vending Machine] [Gacha Emperor] [Cosmetic Pack 1] [Cosmetic Pack 2] [Battle Pass (Fall 2069)] [Alternate Costume: Clown] [Alternate Costume: Heavenly King] [Alternate Costume: Sexy Maid] [Doggirl Companion] [Companion Costume: Sexy Cowgirl] [Companion Costume: Sexy Maid] [Companion Costume: Sexy Shinobi] [Companion Costume: Sexy Nun] [Companion Costume: Sexy Actuary] [Companion Costume: Sexy Hazmat Suit] [EXP Boost] [Warp Reality]
I nodded to myself as the prepwork was finished. Two uncooked steaks sat on equal plates, and the chef was looking at me, the height of arrogance (6'0").
"Well!" he scoffed, grinning a smile in cocky style. "Have you ever even done an Anime Cooking Challenge Wars Fight before? You don't have a single tattoo, or a hat."
The rest of the cooks in the kitchen laughed long and hard at me, but I struck a cool-guy pose and they stopped instantly, looking at me with newfound respect. I closed my eyes, then opened my eyes and looked up at the Chef, causing him to take a step back in what was probably admiration.
"A wise, brave, and above-all kind man once told me," I soapboxed, "It's not about the tits on the outside, but about the tits on the inside."
I clenched my fist ahead of me, like I was trying to casually grab a mosquito, or destiny. "The same is... probably true for hats. (TL Note: "Probably" means 'tabun')
The cooks immediately burst into treats, overcome by emotion. However, the chef was undeterred.
"Tch," he tched. "Let's see if you've got the tits to back up your words, then."
"Who's going to judge?" I asked. In a suddenly blast of narrative convenience, the doors opened up, and an old man walked in, a long white beard blowing in the indoor breeze.
"I will," He said, his voice thick and rough like a milkshake made of granite.
I gasped at the appearance of this sage-like man. He had a quiet dignity about him, like some ancient king, or a master who had been training in the mountains for the past 70 years. His long gray robe flowed behind him as he moved with a sudden grace, as if he had the [Sudden Grace] skill that probably existed, because I just learned it using my [Learn Any Skill] Skill.
The old man gave an approving nod to a basket of vegetables, picking one up and grunting before tucking it into his pocket for some unknown purpose. He ran his hands across the flat-top grill, ignoring the smoke coming from his burning fingertips, and grunted again.
I fell into a hush, clearly in the presence of some kind of master. It looked like this was shaping up to be one hell of a competition! Still, I had to win this, so I had to know more about him. I should ask him questions, or wait to hear some kind of cool-ass monologue or kung-fu backstory, but there was also another option I could use instead. I appraised the strange old wiseman with my appraisal skill, [Appraisal (but secretly infinite knowledge)].
Dusty Pete
Active Title: [Hobo]
Faction: Truant King Lawrence the Unwashed
Level: 3
EXP: 13/300
Skill Points: 5
HP: 15/15
MP: 5/5
SP: 20/20
Attributes:
Stranth: 3
Dexterity: 4
Swoleness: 5
Magic: 2
Karma: 13
Mojo:25
Luck: 99
Skills:
[Rambling Supremacy - Lvl 3] [Panhandling Basics - Lvl 8] [Larceny Basics - Lvl 2] [Beard Mastery - Lvl 2] [Guitar Mastery]
Titles: [Hobo] [Beggar] [Guitarist]
Hobo Artes:
[Detect Spare Change]
"Oh," I said, disappointed. Maybe... he wasn't a master after all. Suddenly, I heard the wise words of Dick Bastardly echo in my head:
"Slavery is great! It's good for the economy!"
I don't think that particular bit of wisdom applied here, but it reminded me of the other thing he said, about judging tits by their appearance or something. I felt a little guilty. I shouldn't judge this guy just because of what my borderline-omniscient Skill said about his character, abilities, and past deeds. I should give him a chance. Maybe he was secretly a great culinary genius and judge!
Dusty Pete sagely sat at a chair somebody had pulled out and set in front of an official folding Judge's Table. He pulled out the raw radish he'd swiped earlier and took a bite.
I looked down at the raw steak before me, and the mis en place that had been prepared. I pulled out Wanda's [Slave Card] and looked down at her smiling face and steeled, ironed, and bronzed my resolve.
"This one's for you, Wanda!" I declared.
"What's for me, wan?" Wanda asked, appearing at the window. I shook my head, refusing to make eye contact and ignoring her in what I hoped was a manly way. I didn't have time to discuss things with her. I had to focus.
It was time to grill.