That Time I Got Sent to Another World Where All of the Girls Are Super Hot and Super Into Me Because I Am Super Strong and Have Very Powerful Abilities that God Gave to Me Because Me and Them Were Friends When I Was in Grade School and God Is Actually A Loli Who is Also in Love with Me Because I Am A Super Epic Person Who Will Defeat The Demon Lord Who Threatens The Entire World but the Demon Lord Actually is in Love With Me and the Demon Lord is a Super Hot Busty Babe Who is Actually Just Trying to Get My Attention Because I Have a Cellphone That Can Contact the Internet and Can Get Anything Shipped To Me Within 2 Days But I Barely Need It Because I Am Actually the Most Strongest Guy Alive Because I Have Super Strong Powers Like Being Able to Lift Your Mom Really Easily Which is Nearly Impossible Because Your Mom is So Fat But is Actually A Secret Anime Busty Babe Who is Really into Me Because I Am Super Cool and Better Than Your Dad Because He is Super Lame Which I Am Not
Crash 2.43 (p. 1)- That time I was reincarnated into another world and had a tragic boating accident
The glowing ghost ship of Ghostbeard the Pirate floated spookily in the water ahead of us. After all this time... it looked like my quest for revenge was finally reaching its conclusion! Soon, this ghost would unlive to regret what he'd done to me! I didn't really remember what exactly he'd done, but I do remember being really embarrassed, and it probably being his fault! The only suitable punishment? Death.
I drew my katana, throwing it over my shoulder. I hailed him, shouting loudly over to his boat.
"GHOSTBEARD!" I roared. "PREPARE YOURSELF! YOUR REIGN OF EVIL AND/OR TERROR ENDS HERE, YOU..." I hesitated, leaning over to whisper to Wanda.
"Psst. What's a good pirate slur?" I asked.
"Wan! Mangy cur," she replied. I gave her a quick headpat as thanks and stood back up.
"YOU MANGY CURD! YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES, AND I WILL BRING YOU TO, UH, JUSTICE AND THINGS LIKE THAT!"
I could see him floating on his deck, zooming in on him with my [Telescopic Vision]. He was sitting there, defiantly staring at my ship while his shark crew scurried about behind him. T-that bastard! Was he really ignoring me?!
"TEME!" I shouted, "ARE YOU REALLY IGNORING ME?!" (TL Note: Teme means Mangy Cur)
"H-Hiro-san..." Bonbon said quietly, a single sweatdrop rolling down the side of her face. "I... I don't think-"
"Shh, wan!" Wanda silenced her, tapping her lips with a finger. "He's having fun, wan."
"YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED, GHOSTBEARD! AND THAT NUMBER IS ZERO, BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO KICK YOUR ASS RIGHT NOW! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT?!"
I crossed my arms, fuming, as I awaited his response. We'd drawn a bit closer to his ship, but so far he hadn't responded. I saw him turn to one of his crew, his lips moving. D-damn it! I bet he was badmouthing me! I activated [Long-Range Hearing] in time to see him cup his hands over his mouth and shout back.
"what?"
"I SAID: YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED, GHOSTBEARD!"
"i cant hear you"
D-damn it! I couldn't quite make out what he was saying, but he was probably shouting insults at me! I wasn't about to sit here and take that.
I looked over at my [Slave]. After she'd given enough orders, the Robo-Kamiko voice had offered to give her the [First Mate] title. I'd declined, of course. I didn't know if I was ready for that kind of commitment or responsibility yet. I mean, we hadn't even k-kissed! Wasn't that moving way too fast?!
"Wanda," I ordered her, "get us closer to him!"
She barked, then barked a few orders to Ciel and Bonbon. My crew worked at the various workstations long enough for the progress bars to fill up, and we began rushing towards the ghost ship.
I tapped my foot impatiently. Communication issues were for romance, not thrilling combat against a bitter rival! Finally, after several agonizing minutes, I drew close enough that I could see Ghostbeard without my [Telescopic Vision].
"YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED, GHOSTBEARD!" I shouted again. "THERE WAS SOME OTHER COOL ONE-LINER TO GO WITH THAT, BUT I FORGOT ALREADY!"
"[Captain] Protagonist!" he shouted back, bellowing over the sound of the wind. "Do ye really think ye can stop me? Did ye not already try that before? Give up on ye fool's quest for revenge. Ye cannot avenge yerself 'pon a dead man, Hiro!"
I grit my teeth. This guy was really looking down on ye! I mean, on me!
"You might think that, Ghostbeard! But I've got a secret weapon!"
There was a long pause. In the distance, the tiny figure of Ghostbeard turned and spoke to one of the mansharks again. I wasn't sure why he was talking to it. They hadn't said any words that I could recall. They had mostly seemed like mindless goons? Could it be possible that they were intelligent, with feelings, thoughts, and aspirations? I shook my head. If they were actually people, then killing them would be morally grey at best. Most likely, Ghostbeard was just using the shark as a captive sounding board, like a rubber duck or a telemarketer you refused to hang up on.
After a (probably one-sided) conversation, Ghostbeard turned back towards us.
"Did ye bring... that [Paladin] girl with you?" he asked.
I blinked in surprise. [Paladin]? I was pretty sure he must have meant Ciel. Why was he asking about her, when I was way stronger? Unless... I gasped. Did he... like her? While that was kinda cute, Ciel was pretty firmly in my harem, thank you very much! I didn't get reincarnated into a badass fantasy world just to be cuckolded by a ghost!
I opened my mouth to tell him that she was left behind, but was beat to the punch by the [Paladin] herself, who lifted her mace and shouted angrily as she leaned over the railing.
"YEAH, I'M HERE, YOU SON OF A BANSHEE! GET READY TO GET YOUR FACE CAVED IN!"
I sighed. Great... he knew she was here. Now I'd have to kill him even harder to assert my dominance. I shook my head in Ciel's direction before looking back at his ship. Huh? I stared in confusion, furrowing my brows and leveling up my [Furrow Browsics] skill to Lvl 5. The ship was... turning?
"Heh..." I hehed, crossing my arms arro-gallantly. "Looks like he's too scared to face us. He's turning around."
I was going to catch up and kill him anyways, but I'd still gladly watch him run! There was nothing better in life than seeing your enemies driven before you before crushing them. I waited as he turned, then started to frown. They'd stopped turning about halfway. Had he... changed his mind?
"Wan!" Wanda shouted suddenly. She jumped up from her little bed and yanked on my sleeve. "Master! Take evasive action, wan!"
I quickly dodge-rolled behind the chair on instinct. As I crouched next to Wanda, I did my best to ignore how close my face was to hers.
"Uh, okay?" I asked her. "I did. Now what?"
She rolled her eyes rudely at me. Unimpressed, I gave her punitive headpats for her insolence.
"Wan! Not you, Master! The boat! Turn the boat!"
I stood up and looked on in confusion. Why did I need to turn the boat? Sure, Ghostbeard had started moving a bit closer to us, but there was no way that he was going to run into us! I mean, he was basically circling around us, we were angled about as close to the side of his ship as was possible.
"We're about to be broadsided, wan!"
Broad...sided? I wasn't sure what that meant, but it sounded kind of hot, albeit a bit sexist. I quickly activated [Mental Dictionary] to look up-
THWOOM
A sudden explosion rocked the ship, sending me stumbling to the left, face-planting directly into Wanda's chest because why not. I closed my eyes in anticipation of a slap, punch, or hammer out of nowhere, but instead of hilarious slapstick, I was met instead with another ship-rocking explosion. How hard had she hit me?! I opened my eyes and looked around.
!!!
W-what the hell?! To my horror, all kinds of magical spells were flying from Ghostbeard's ship, crashing into the side of my boat! Wood and splinters were flying everywhere as his bullshit magical assault tore the side of my ship to shreds! D-damn it!
I jumped onto the wheel and jerked it hard to the side, veering the ship away and tactically retreating until we were out of range of Ghostbeard's spells. D-damn it! I wiped blood from my mouth that I'd gained either from damage sustained through my sympathetic link with the ship, or when I'd accidentally hit myself in the face while spinning the wheel.
This was tougher than expected! Ship-to-ship combat was always a fun minigame in my RPGs, but it wasn't exactly fair if I didn't have any weapons!
"We need to fire back!" I shouted.
"Cast a spell, Hiro-san!" Bonbon shrieked, still clinging to the rigging. "Use your [Meteor Storm] or something!"
I gave Bonbon a look of disapproval, shaking my head. "Bonbon... this is ship-to-ship combat, not a battle. I can't just use spells in the middle of it. That wouldn't make any sense!"
She clearly was new to the finer details of proper ship deathmatch etiquette, but I had more important things to do than give her a lecture. That could come later. I had to find some way to attack Ghostbeard back!
Hmm... still... casting spells... Of course! That was it!
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"Ciel, go below-deck and get the Catapult!" I ordered her. She gave me a crisp salute and ran for the door. We may not have had cannons, but I hadn't thought to check for catapults when I was searching the ship. That seemed much more the sort of thing that a shitty primitive ship might use for combat, so we probably had one! But... for some reason we didn't seem to be carrying a pile of useless rocks to hurl. I'd need to throw something else. And I had just the idea!
I quickly opened my [Dimension Box] and dumped out that pile of swords I'd grabbed earlier. Throwing a sword with a catapult was pretty badass on its own right, but I had big plans for these swords!
I picked up the closest sword and activated [Imbue Weapon]. This would normally let somebody imbue an [Element] or [Status Effect] into a weapon to mildly enchant it. However, other people weren't me, and my [Enchanter] Title let me do so much more! I could properly enchant the weapon, imbuing it with a [Skill] that could be activated by the wielder, or the effects of a spell!
I chuckled to myself, remembering a cool trick I read about in a book once. I poured a fraction of my mana into the sword, and quickly imbued it with [Self Destruct - Lvl 10] and [Explosion - Lvl 10], I activated my [Ultimate Magic Arte: Quadruple Cast] while casting, creating my ultimate munition! I appraised it using my appraisal skill, [Appraisal (but secretly infinite knowledge)]:
[Ultra][Explosive][Fragile] Scimitar:
Might: 150 (25+125)
Effects:
On hit:
Cast [Self Destruct - Lvl 10] (weapon)
Cast [Self Destruct - Lvl 10] (weapon)
Cast [Self Destruct - Lvl 10] (weapon)
Cast [Self Destruct - Lvl 10] (weapon)
Cast [Explosion - Lvl 10] (target)
Cast [Explosion - Lvl 10] (target)
Cast [Explosion - Lvl 10] (target)
Cast [Explosion - Lvl 10] (target)
This Item is destroyed.
I grinned a smile. Yeah. That would do the trick! I quickly enchanted the rest of the twelve-or-so swords, neatly dropping them in a pile near the edge. Now I just had to wait for Ciel to come back with the catapult. I leaned against the railing, letting my MP regenerate, until the [Paladin] came rushing out of the door, an adorably frustrated and embarrassed look on her face.
"Hiro-kun, I uh... couldn't find the catapult!" she admitted, her voice equal parts sheepish and urgent. "Where was it?"
I blinked at her. "Huh? Why would I know? I just got this ship today."
"Wait, what?"
"Damn it..." I swore, clenching my fist and causing a dangerous squeal to emit from the enchanted sword in my hand. I angrily tossed in into the pile with the rest. "Those sailors! They must have taken the catapult with them when they left!"
"Looks like we're outmatched, wan!" Wanda said, throwing her arms up into the air. "We should go back and get the catapult, wan!"
Tch... as much as I hated to admit it, she might have a point. Without a catapult, we'd be a sitting duck against Ghostbeard! I gave the boat an ocular patdown, scanning over the deck. As cool as this ship was, it wasn't suited for combat after all. It's not like it had any... weapons...
My eyes paused on the giant stick mounted at the front of the boat. Wait a minute...
We DID have weapons! Thinking quickly, I scooped up the enchanted swords, tucking them in a bundle under one arm. I used [Telekinesis] to unsheathe my board and hopped onto it, skating across the deck I ducked and scooped up a thimble of rope as well.
"Looks like we'll only have one shot at this!" I told my crew, hopping off my board and landing on the front-stick. "I don't think the ship is going to be fast enough on its own, so Wanda, you'll need to steer!"
I quickly lashed the swords to the end of the stick, until the sharp points stabbed from the end like a cool sword-based thagomizer. I gave the swords a couple quick hits with my katana to make sure that it was secure. They didn't budge at all when I hit them, they just gave out an ear-piercing wail and glowed for a couple seconds before going back to normal. I nodded in satisfaction. Looks like my knot practice montage segment had paid off!
I hopped off the stick and back onto my board, skating towards the back of the boat and grinding up the banister to the raised section near the back. I hopped off the board next to Wanda, who was standing in front of the steering wheel and looking grim.
"Alright, Wanda!" I told her. "I'm counting on you! I'm going to boost the ship, so I need you to ram us directly into Ghostbeard!"
My doggirl trembled slightly, her ears flattening against the top of her head. She glanced towards the cluster of swords on the end of the stick.
"Hiro-san... what did you do to those swords?"
"I [Enchanted] them," I mansplained. "When we hit Ghostbeard's ship, he's gonna be in for a big surprise!" I pantomimed an explosion, making big hand gestures and assorted cool explosion noises with my mouth for a few seconds.
Bonbon paled, looking at the front of the ship. "W-what?"
"It'll explode," I sighed, putting it into words she could understand. "I enchanted them with [Self Destruct] and [Explosion]."
"Uh... hang on a sec, Hiro-kun..." Ciel asked, rubbing the back of her neck. "Won't that, like, blow us up too?"
I frowned at the idea. "What? Of course not!" That... that was ridiculous! I could see why she'd be worried about it, but what kind of Badass LitRPG Game-like system would it be if your enchanted weapons could hurt you too? We had nothing to worry about. The explosion would just harmlessly pass over us. I was pretty sure I'd already confirmed that friendly-fire was off in this world anyways, so my harem members would be fine too!
"W..wan..." Wanda trembled. I felt a flag being raised in the back of my head, and knew that this was my opportunity! I stepped towards her, and wrapped her into a hug, squeezing her reassuringly against my chest. I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of her trembling body, and the beating of her heart. I lowered my face to her ear, hesitating before deciding on the dog one. The scent of cinnamon and vanilla danced across my face.
"Don't worry, Wanda..." I whispered. "I believe in you!"
"..."
I squeezed her a little tighter, careful to only use a fraction of a fraction of my strength to make sure I didn't split her in half like a twig.
"H-Hiro-san... that's..."
She looked up to me, an indescribable expression on her face. I quickly let her go and walked away before I broke down into tears from the emotional stress of hugging a girl. I couldn't afford to show weakness like emotions or personal attachment right now! It was time to be cool and manly! I quickly activated [Fluff Resistance - Lvl 3] and [Stress Resistance - Lvl 2], telling my beating heart to shut the fuck up.
I took my captain hat off and tossed it onto Wanda's head, before shrugging off my coat. They were both cool as hell, so I didn't want them to get damaged at all. I quickly used [Instant Change (outfit)] to change back into my standard tracksuit-like-outfit. I'd need something comfy and easy to wear for this next part. I walked to the very back of the ship, hopping up onto the railing. I turned back to give one more order to my reliable [Slave].
"Remember, Wanda! If you miss his ship, the swords won't go off! We only have one chance! Bonbon... Ciel... brace for impact!"
With that, I hopped off the ship, diving into the ice-cold ocean behind it. I spotted a [Sea Monster] quickly approaching us, and I quickly activated [Monster Friend], convincing it to fuck off. I was a little irritated. It had had ample time to attack us earlier, and it was choosing now of all times? I shook my head in disappointment as it fled, before turning back to the task at hand.
I swam towards the boat, gripping the ass of the ship, my fingers digging into the wood. I activated my [Motorboat Legs] and [Swimming Supremacy - Lvl 10], turning my legs into a whirling dervish of kicks. I shoved against the boat, straining with my arms and legs as the ship slowly began to speed up. Haha! It was working! It was really working!
I activated [Dragon Power], [Wrath], and [Monster], boosting my stats to the straining point! The boat shot forward, quickly accelerating. With this giant boat in the way, I had no way of telling where we were aiming! I'd just have to trust Wanda to steer us correctly! I grit my teeth and kicked harder, until we were shooting forwards through the water, almost as fast as a car! Wanda... you can do it!
----------------------------------------
Wan Siduri sat at the wheel of the ship, her hands gripping the handles tight enough to turn her knuckles white. Hiro had just leapt overboard, and while she wasn't sure what he had planned exactly, she could tell that the boat was quickly speeding up. What... what should she do? The Death Notice hadn't said much beyond 'shipwreck'. Ramming a cluster of exploding swords at full speed into another ship definitely fit that profile. She gripped the wheel.
Hiro had left her in charge. They were rushing towards Ghostbeard's ship now, and large-scale spells started soaring through the air towards them. Wanda spun the wheel, veering out of the way of a massive fireball. It erupted on the surface of the water, rocking the boat. Spells continued to launch into the air, and Wanda jerked the boat to the right to avoid a blast of darkness the size of a horse.
"Wan!" she shouted to Bonbon an Ciel. "Hold on tight!"
Magic blasted, electrocuted, froze, and turned to confetti the sea around the ship as Wanda took evasive action.
Skill Gained: [Evasive Maneuvers (Ship) - Lvl 1]!
Wanda grit her teeth. Any one of these spells might end them. She serpentined her way through a cluster of frost blasts, narrowly avoiding a giant icicle, which sheared a foot of banister off one side of the starboard stern. Could she make it through? Even if they reached the ship... if she slammed into it, wouldn't that just be ensuring Fate? If she missed the ship... they could probably board without exploding both ships. Would that work?
They were speeding up even more now, so that the spells were landing behind the ship. A sudden blast of slow lightning shot towards them, skating across the water's surface. She jerked to the side, the electricity scraping past the hull, singing and cracking boards along the side. She was running out of time. Would she ram the ship, or dodge it? Dodging would probably give the better chance of survival, right? Unless it just led her directly into a point-blank salvo from Ghostbeard's ship spells.
Wanda felt the boat jerk to the side and looked up to see the sails shaking, actively working against Hiro's thrust. She stabbed a claw towards the forward thrust sails.
"Wan! Unhaul the mainsail!" she ordered. "Avast the jib and tack, wan!"
Ciel and Bonbon sprang into action, lowering most of the sails, while leaving only the designated steering-sails and rudder active. The ship sprang forward, narrowly avoiding another fireball. They were getting closer now... it was time to make a decision. Ghostbeard's ship was drawing closer, and Wanda could begin to make out the look of shock on the ghost pirate's clean-shaven face.
Wanda tightened her grip on the wheel, selectively using her [Drug Invulnerability] to allow only a specific combination of the handful of drugs she'd consumed earlier affect her. Time slowed down as the effects kicked in. An orange, kaleodoscopic haze settled over the edges of her vision. More time to think. Precious seconds. What would she do?
Charge the boat, and embrace destiny? Or turn away, and hope for the best? Was... was it even worth fighting against the flow of time? Hadn't she given up? If she went with the flow, she knew that she wasn't in any real danger, with as much certainty as she knew that the shipwreck was bound to happen. Why bother trying to struggle against the inevitable? What did she even stand to gain?
She looked down at the other members of her party. Ciel had one arm wrapped tight around the rigging, her mace held at the ready in her free hand. Bonbon was kneeling on the deck, her arms wrapped around the mast as tears flowed freely from her eyes.
Wanda closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Then spun the wheel to the left.
The ship shot past Ghostbeard's, the hulls scraping together momentarily. Wanda let out the breath she'd been holding as the boat sailed into the open water beyond their enemy. Her angle had put them aligned with the back of Ghostbeard's ship. At the speed they were going, they would be able to make it out of firing range by the time he could get an angle on them. Had... had she done it? Were they safe? If she could just get out of range, then she was sure she could convince Hiro to try a different tactic. One that kept the boat intact.
Wanda went to turn the wheel, and suddenly felt it seize up, holding firm in her hands. H-huh? She shoved herself against the wheel, and felt a sudden jarring motion, as it shoved her back. The doggirl stepped away from the wheel, pulling her hands clean as it began to spin by its own volition. Her throat clenched up, and her heart stopped. Was this... the hand of Fate? Had it all been useless after all?
The ship turned sharply to the side, the prow rising from the water and the entire ship listing violently as it executed a sudden about-face. It hadn't mattered what she had decided. The boat was heading for a collision all on its own. The swords at the end of the bowsprit glistened in the sea spray. They seemed to be shining with a brilliant light.
"W-wan! HOLD ONTO SOMETHING!" Wanda screamed down to the others. Ciel and Bonbon clenched tight, holding on for dear life. Wanda turned and dove behind the Captain's Chair, peeking around its edge. The ship surged forwards, ramming the bowsprit directly into the side of Ghostbeard's vessel. The enchanted swords plunged into the interior of the ship. Wanda clenched her eyes shut, ducking behind the chair and holding on tight.
The ships collided with a sickening crunch.
And then the world exploded.