That Time I Got Sent to Another World Where All of the Girls Are Super Hot and Super Into Me Because I Am Super Strong and Have Very Powerful Abilities that God Gave to Me Because Me and Them Were Friends When I Was in Grade School and God Is Actually A Loli Who is Also in Love with Me Because I Am A Super Epic Person Who Will Defeat The Demon Lord Who Threatens The Entire World but the Demon Lord Actually is in Love With Me and the Demon Lord is a Super Hot Busty Babe Who is Actually Just Trying to Get My Attention Because I Have a Cellphone That Can Contact the Internet and Can Get Anything Shipped To Me Within 2 Days But I Barely Need It Because I Am Actually the Most Strongest Guy Alive Because I Have Super Strong Powers Like Being Able to Lift Your Mom Really Easily Which is Nearly Impossible Because Your Mom is So Fat But is Actually A Secret Anime Busty Babe Who is Really into Me Because I Am Super Cool and Better Than Your Dad Because He is Super Lame Which I Am Not

Lesson 2.41 (pt 3) - That time I was reincarnated into another world and won a contest by cheating

"Alright," Bonbon said, wiping her hands on her apron. "I think we've done about all we can for now..."

Ciel looked up, following Bonbon's gaze as she examined the cooks' handiwork. Ciel was the first to admit that she didn't know much about cooking, but it seemed like they'd improved.

A pair of elves was working at a frying pan, with one elf searing a filleted fish, while the second stood at the ready with a pail of sand just in case something caught fire. Another couple of elves were working at a prep table, half of them making the mango salsa, the other half cleaning boiled crabs and separating them into parts. One last group of elves was working on the dessert, a mixture of shaved ice, coconut milk, and pineapple chunks, with a third elf at the ready with a pail of hot water just in case something froze.

"I think they've gotten the hang of most of the recipes," Bonbon observed. "I wonder how Hiro is doing..."

Ciel looked across the molten-glass line in the sand that Hiro had carved earlier, to the other side of the kitchen. The cooks were hanging about with nothing to do. A couple of them were even dripping wet. It was possible that they could have had some really large-scale kitchen accident, but Ciel thought it was more likely they'd just been in the ocean. The saltwater scent in the room had increased a bit, and the slightly-crusted wet hair on one of the elves told her they'd been in the surf. Well, that and the fact that one of them was carrying a surfboard.

Ciel frowned. Did Hiro-kun finish quickly enough that they could afford to go take a surf break? Actually, now that she thought about it...

"Wait... where's Hiro-kun?" she asked, noticing that the [Legendary Hero] was missing again.

"Hm?" Bonbon asked, glancing over. "Oh. Yes, he teleported away several minutes ago."

Ciel chuckled at the joke, before realizing from Bonbon's expression that it probably wasn't a joke at all, actually.

"Uh, sorry? Teleported?"

"I'm not sure what he used, exactly. [Teleport] or maybe [Jaunt] or maybe [Instant Transmission]. He was talking to Wanda and then just vanished." The chef hesitated, crossing her arms across her chest and looking around the room suspiciously. "Unless he just went [Invisible]..."

Ciel wasn't really sure what to make of that analysis, so she just decided to settle on 'impressed'. "Sasuga [Legendary Hero]..." she muttered. (TL Note: [Legendary Hero] means [Yuusha]) But... why would he go and teleport away when they didn't have any food prepared on his side? Ciel didn't see anything, and she also hadn't seen anybody take any dishes out of the kitchen. I mean, maybe she just hadn't noticed. She had been pretty focused on her cooking tasks, after all. But she was pretty sure she would've at least heard something.

The only thing resembling food on their side was a pile of vegetables burnt to charcoal, in one of the bonfires. Ciel wasn't counting the soup pits, since those'd been there before they started. Also, they were only barely 'food', even to her. She stared at the carbonized veggies as one of the onions collapsed into ash.

"Bon-chan, is that some kinda fancy recipe or something?" she asked, pointing towards the bonfire in question.

Bonbon, who was teaching one of the cooks that you held the handle part of the knife and not the sharp end, glanced over before quickly doing a double-take.

"That's... not anything edible. Maybe it's... a religious thing? Do Kamikists do burnt offerings, Pareiso-san?"

Ciel shook her head. "We practice not burning her offerings, but that's kinda the opposite. Kamiko-sama's pretty picky when it comes to snackrifices."

Kamiko was picky about her food, but... it was still pretty cute!

"Her favorite food is strawberry parfait," Ciel explained, unprovoked. "I actually got to make one, once. They wouldn't let me make it from scratch, not after what happened the last time. But they let me put the ingredients together in the cup, at least! I think Kamiko-sama really liked it!"

"I-I see..." Bonbon chuckled nervously.

Ciel clenched her fist. She'd have to keep practicing at this. If she got good enough at cooking, she could make food for Kamiko all the time! She'd have to get good in a hurry, because Hiro-kun was gonna introduce her to Kamiko! Like, in person! Ciel could hardly handle it. She'd been humming Kamiko's theme song as a sutra to keep her mental focus. It was a thin wall holding back her fangir- er... devotion and piety from turning her into a manic, twitching ball of energy. Actually being able to meet her kami oshi in person?

Ciel shuddered, her hands shaking as she moved the completed plate to the "dining cart". They'd been given a table with two surfboards as runners, like a makeshift beach sled. They were meant to stack their food there to be taken into the Great Hall for testing. Ciel quickly moved plates and bowls to the sled, siphoning off from her Big Kamiko Fan energy to blur through the task without paying it much attention.

"Y'know... if Hiro-kun becomes the [Legendary Hero]... like... you know the original legend, right?" she asked.

Bonbon nodded. "Of course. It's vital to study for all roya- er... that is... Flavos was one of Ardrick's companions, so studies on the [The Legendary Hero's Journey] were part of my curriculum."

"Right?" Ciel confirmed, her expression indicating that she hadn't really heard what Bonbon said, and was planning to say the same thing regardless of what the answer had been.

"So, like... if Hiro-kun is the [Legendary Hero] this time, like... does that mean he and Kamiko are um, gonna get m-m-married?"

Bonbon's movements slowed as she set a bowl of tropical fruit salad on the dining sled. She turned and raised an eyebrow at Ciel.

"Isn't she like... ten?" she asked.

Ciel rolled her eyes. "No! Come on! Why does everybody think that? She's been around for like thousands of years! How could she still be ten?"

"Well, yes..." Bonbon admitted. "But, well... if you look at her, it's..."

Ciel sighed, rubbing at her nose bandage in irritation. People always did this. They always underestimated Kamiko based on her appearance. Hadn't they ever learned that one of the first tenets of Kamikism is 'Don't judge a book by its cover'? Well... No, probably not, actually. If they'd gotten that far, they'd already know that Kamiko wasn't a child. Ciel took a deep breath. Bonbon wasn't a jerk, she was just misinformed. No getting mad at her.

"Look, it's called branding, okay? Yeah, she's the Divine Brat most of the time, but it's only because that's... y'know, iconic! And it's cute! But, it's not like she's always in Brat Forme. Heck, last month she did a Visitation in-"

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

A loud, frenzied tropical rattling echoed through the kitchen. The [Beach Elves] didn't have any bells or alarms, so it seemed like the marimba player was giving their all to fill the role. Or possibly having a stroke.

A [Beach Elf Butler] walked in, wearing white gloves, a bow tie, and swim trunks with suit tails. He folded his hands neatly behind his back, standing as tall and straight as a palm tree with a bow tie.

"Ahem..." he ahemed, clearing his throat. "The time for judging the dishes is upon us. Please bring everything your teams have produced to the Great Hall." With that, he turned and indicated the way to the Great Hall. That is to say, he walked immediately into the Great Hall, which was just through the bead curtain.

Ciel stepped back as Bonbon did a quick circuit of the kitchen, making sure they'd gathered everything. She looked over to Hiro's side of the kitchen, frowning. Hiro was still missing. And the elves had no food at all prepared. Wanda-chan... she looked a little- oh. Actually, she looked fine. Ciel furrowed her brow. Wanda-chan was sitting cross-legged on the ground, leaning against one of the tables with a blissful look on her face. If she was that relaxed... did they have some kind of plan? Where WAS Hiro-kun, anyhow?

Ciel felt a fire fill her chest. She'd been worried that they might have won by disqualification, but maybe there'd be more of a proper fight after all! Ciel wasn't really invested in the outcome of this contest, but if there was one thing she loved besides watching Kamiko, worshiping Kamiko, praying to Kamiko, and forfeiting all mortal possessions to Kamiko, it was competitions!

She pushed the sled across the sand of the kitchen floor, into the Grand Hall. The [King] was seated at the head of the hall, on an enormous throne made of bleached white coral. It had been roughly shaped into a chair, with long fingers of the bone-white fish skeletons (as Ciel roughly understood coral to be) snaking up behind the [King]'s head. He looked uncomfortable. Maybe the sudden duties of ruling a 'kingdom' were weighing heavily on his mind. Ciel thought it might be more due to the fact that it didn't seem like anybody had smoothed out the seat parts of the throne, so he was sitting directly on the bumpy, thorny body of the coral itself.

"I'm excited to see what you have to offer us," [King] Noah said, rubbing his hands together and giving them a sharklike grin. A long table had been laid out before the throne, and the butler from earlier was directing them towards it. Ciel glanced behind her. It looked like most of the [Beach Elves] had gathered, and were waiting in a crowd behind a rope made of seaweed. They leaned over each other as Bonbon started unloading the dishes, eager to see what she'd made. Ciel helped unload the dining sled.

"Your majesty," Bonbon began. "I've taught your chefs a selection of recipes suited for the natural bounty of the region."

Ciel blinked in surprise. The elf chef had suddenly took on a completely new bearing, standing tall and speaking eloquently. She hadn't twitched or yelped once! It was like she'd become an entirely different person.

"For an appetizer, coconut-crusted shrimp, and fresh mussels. For a first course, king crab legs, served with clarified butter. For a main course, pan-seared whitefish with mango salsa and roasted potatoes. Finally, for dessert: tropical fruit salad, and sweetened shaved ice with coconut milk and pineapple."

The [King] stared down at the dishes, his eyes glazing over and a cold sweat forming on his brow. He seemed overcome with emotion, but Ciel couldn't really discern which emotion it might be. She held her breath, hoping he was impressed. The [King] gulped, and began nodding slowly, looking at Bonbon.

"Impressive. Very nice. Now let's see the [Legendary Hero]'s entry."

The bead curtain tinkled, and Hiro's team pushed their own cart into the room. The table was completely devoid of food. Instead, Wanda was laying on top of the cart, lounging casually. She'd changed out of her apron and had put on a skirt made out of grass and had some kind of bikini made of coconut shells. The [King] looked down at her and raised an eyebrow.

"Where... is the food? What's this?"

The [Beach Elves] looked bashfully at each other, stammering over their words as they tried to explain. The [King]'s eyes lingered on Wanda as he tried to unpuzzle whatever the hell he was seeing.

"Don't tell me... that she's your entry?"

"Why, are you interested, wan?" Wanda asked coquettishly.

The elves didn't really have a reply. It seemed to Ciel that even they didn't know what was going on. She frowned. Maybe... Hiro-kun didn't have a plan after all?

The [King] frowned, looking around the room with growing irritation. "Is this a joke? WHERE IS THE [LEGENDARY HERO]?"

Ciel was starting to get nervous. Hiro-kun... he hadn't really left, had he? She was-

----------------------------------------

"Not so fast!" I shouted.

I burst through the doors with perfect timing. A heroic wind blew in behind me, causing my hair to dance as a flock of doves took wing. The [Light] spells I'd set up ahead of time shone in through the mist, causing a cool heroic glow behind me. I strode confidently into the room, deactivating the [Dramatic Entrance] skill that I'd learned using my [Instantly Learn Skill] skill a few minutes ago.

I marched up to my side of the hall. I was glad that the [King] had decided to do the judging in a different room. I had been a bit worried about how to get back into the room if it had been in the kitchen. It was physically and legally impossible to make a dramatic entrance through a bead curtain. I could have gone for a tense or ominous entrance by slowly sweeping the beads to the side, but that wasn't what I was aiming for.

"There you are," the corpo [King] said, looking like he was mad for some reason. I guess Bonbon's food had just been that bad, huh? Well, that's more or less what I'd expected. These [Beach Elves] were completely hopeless. But... my secret plan took that into account!

"Your kingness," I said, giving him a quick bow. "I thought long and hard about how to win this competition to prove how cool I am. I tried teaching the cooks how to make hamburgers, but they just weren't getting it. But then I came to a realization. And this is my answer!"

I clapped my hands, and the Grand Hall's doors opened wide, as a fun-sized horde of skeletons swarmed into the hall, carrying cardboard boxes. I pointed at the empty side of the table at the front of the hall and they surged forwards, depositing pizza boxes onto the table, as well as various other containers of [Italian] food. Bonbon looked over in what could only be jealousy, as she read the words printed on the green, red, and white box.

"Skeletony Cornea's [Italian] Restaurant and Bi..." She turned to me, glaring. "Hiro-san?! You just teleported back to town to get Skeletony to cook for you again?!"

I crossed my arms, grinning a smile. "Of course!" I laughed. "You see... I realized that the contest wasn't to see who was better at getting the elves to cook... but was about who could improve the food the most."

"Huh?" Bonbon asked, shaking a bit as her eyes took on her usual cute bewildered expression. "That... no it wasn't, Hiro-san! It was explicitly about getting the elves to cook!"

I ignored her, chuckling as I reached into my shirt pocket and pulled out a small stack of paper menus. She could be jealous of my problem-solving skills if she wanted. I wouldn't hold it against her, I just hoped she might learn something from it.

"I convinced Skeletony to serve delivery! Now, the [Beach Elves] can order food from him any time they want!"

Skeletony walked in with the last few pizzas, pausing to drop a few 'Hey, how you doin'?"s at the more attractive beach elves. He arrived at the table, carefully dropping the pizzas before giving a quick bow the king.

"Your majesty, thanks for tha opportunity. I'd never thought about deliverin' food before, so when Hiro-san came over and said you guys were desperate for some food, I thought 'What the hell? Let's give it a shot!' "

The [King] looked down at the food, scratching his chin thoughtfully. He raised one finger towards the nearest cook with a menu. When the cook didn't seem to react in any way, he made a bigger, more obvious "come over here" motion. The cook scurried over, and he snatched the menu out of her hands. Skeletony glanced at me, stiffening a bit in anticipation as the [King] read through it.

"These prices..." the suited elf mused. "Let me try some of this food."

One of his cooks eagerly brought over a box of pizza, dropping to one knee and opening the box like he was proposing. The [King] used that as an excuse to get off that uncomfortable-looking throne and grabbed a slice. He took a bite and chewed it thoughtfully. His eyes widened, and he quickly wolfed the rest of the slice down, wiping his fingers on the cook's shoulder.

"Skeletony, was it?" He asked, casually walking over to the restaurateur with a practiced, intimidating gait. I tensed up. Was he about to reveal a hidden power and attack us? I warmed up my [Evil Eye: Laser Beam].

"Your menu says you're located in Kami Cove... that's almost a full day's ride away."

"Yeah," Skeletony admitted. "Hiro-san teleported us most of the way. We wanted ta make sure the food was hot and fresh when it got here."

"I see..." the [King] said, a hungry look in his eyes. "This is... quite the business model. I have to say. Very impressive. Have you ever thought about... franchising?"

Skeletony shrugged, scratching the side of his head. "Well, uh... yer majesty. If I could open a buncha stores, I'd be all over that, but the thing is... I don't really got the capital."

The [King] broke into a broad grin, his eyes widening and tiny ¥ symbols appearing in his eyes (TL Note: ¥ means $). He threw one arm around Skeletony's shoulder and started to lead him out of the room. "Tony - can I call you Tony?- let's you and I talk some business. What do you say?"

"Business? I'm listenin'..."

The pair started to talk about numbers and stuff you'd put in graphs, so my ears immediately shut their conversation out. Bonbon weaved her way through elves and skeletons and roosting doves to chase after the [King].

"W-wait!" she shouted. "The contest? Who won?"

The [King] waved dismissively without even turning around. "What? Yeah, yeah. Good job. Go uh, flip a coin."

Bonbon deflated as the [King] left the room, turning back towards us. She seemed kind of dissatisfied... I didn't like seeing my harem members looking sad! I could sympathize with her, it sucked to not have a resolution to the contest. But it was no time to give up now! I quickly reached into my pocket and pulled out a coin, flipping it into the air. It was the moment of truth! I quickly activated [Win Almost Everything But Not Everything]!

I caught the coin out of the air and slapped it on my arm.

"Heads..." I said, breaking into a smile. "I win!"