That Time I Got Sent to Another World Where All of the Girls Are Super Hot and Super Into Me Because I Am Super Strong and Have Very Powerful Abilities that God Gave to Me Because Me and Them Were Friends When I Was in Grade School and God Is Actually A Loli Who is Also in Love with Me Because I Am A Super Epic Person Who Will Defeat The Demon Lord Who Threatens The Entire World but the Demon Lord Actually is in Love With Me and the Demon Lord is a Super Hot Busty Babe Who is Actually Just Trying to Get My Attention Because I Have a Cellphone That Can Contact the Internet and Can Get Anything Shipped To Me Within 2 Days But I Barely Need It Because I Am Actually the Most Strongest Guy Alive Because I Have Super Strong Powers Like Being Able to Lift Your Mom Really Easily Which is Nearly Impossible Because Your Mom is So Fat But is Actually A Secret Anime Busty Babe Who is Really into Me Because I Am Super Cool and Better Than Your Dad Because He is Super Lame Which I Am Not
Chapter 1.1: That time when I died performing a really cool trick and was thusly reincarnated
"Ufufufu" Kamiko ufufufued. "You still don't understand what has happened to you, do you?"
I pondered her question. What had happened to me? The last thing I remember was doing an epic sicknasty kickflip and thoroughly impressing both of my friends. And then... the train. This must be some kind of afterlife or something like the pre-game to an afterlife, which presented some pretty deep philosophical questions about the nature of life and religion, as well as whether there'd be a keg at the afterlife, or if I should look for a pre-afterlife liquor store or something. But now was not the time to be having worldview-upending revelations! There was something much more important to focus on than that!
"Kamiko, is that you?" I asked, staring at the mysterious figure who looked exactly like my grade-school childhood friend.
"Yes," she replied. Well, good, that cleared up about all the questions I had.
She snapped her finger, and suddenly the TV changed, from displaying VIDEO 1 in the corner, to a live feed of... my life?!
"You have died, unfortunately. But all hope is not lost for your sad sorry soul, you pathetic loser~" she teased, her fang glinting maliciously as she winked with one of her multitudinous eyes that spun about her head in geometric patterns.
"Fucking brutal," I replied. This girl! She was always taunting me, even in grade school. But, as soon as I thought about that, more questions suddenly popped into my head again, like remembering you forgot your keys as soon as you lock your front door.
"Chouto mate a second," I said, "But if you're Kamiko... then... why are you here?"
Kamiko grinned a smile at my confusion, gesturing to her lectern, and to the TV, and to the fog machine in the corner that was currently set to "ethereal, ominous mist".
"As I said. You have died, and I am here to minestrone over your soul."
"Do you mean administrate?" I asked. "And why do you get to minestrone over my soul? Shouldn't it be like, God or a hot anime girl or something?"
"You fool!" she bakaed. "Don't you realize yet? I am a God!"
I stared at her in confusion. "A... God? What does that mean?"
The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.
Kamiko smiled, flexing her tiny arms. "Omnipotent. Omniscient. Sovereign. Immutable. A God!"
My confusion doubled as I frowned at her. "Explain further," I requested.
"I am an all-powerful being, with extradimensional presence, and otherworldly duties."
"I don't understand."
She sighed. "I am a kami."
"Oh, okay. Thank you for explaining." I said.
The realization rocked me like a hurricane. Kamiko was... a... a God? There was no way. I had gone to great lengths to count the ways this could be real, but I must have missed one, probably in the back of the fridge or something. I couldn't believe that she was telling the truth, but yet for the sake of the narrative, I must accept her claim at face value!
"Congratulations," I replied. "I knew I should have studied better in middle school."
She teleproted behind me and hit me with a comically large hammer she pulled from nowhere, causing a fractured skull, several shattered vertebrae, and most importantly a hilarious visual gag as I was sent flying.
"I was always a God, you dummy!" (TL Note: dummy means fool)
I ricocheted calmly through the small infinite space, my mind whirling. But something about what she said didn't make sense, and it wasn't just her claim of deific status.
"But... if you were a God, what were you doing in my grade school? And... why are you still ten?"
Kamiko rolled her eyes at me. " 'Why am I ten?' You think I'm ten? What a grand and intoxicating innocence! I'm a God! My true age is beyond your comprehension, puny mortal!"
"How old are you?" I asked, uncomprehending.
"Fourty-seven," she replied. My head spun, my eyes rolled in my head, and my heart literally exploded out of my chest, but that last one was probably because she had hit me with the hammer again. If what she was saying was true... then we didn't have to sneak into that movie theater! But wait, no... there was a more important question to ask!
"If you're a God, why were you pretending to be a grade-schooler?"
"My goals are beyond your understanding," she explained, carefully kicking aside a pile of restaurant fliers that advertised "Kids Eat free!"
I came skidding to a halt, the violent aftermath of her attack finally subsiding. With a snap of her fingers, my broken body unbroked itself, and I was back to my prime condition.
"But we've wasted enough time!" she huffed, walking back over to the lectern and hopping up behind it. "It's time to get you sorted out for the next step."
"What is the next step?" I asked, a pit opening up in my stomach (not a literal one, that had been healed two paragraphs ago). I was worried about what my future might hold. Maybe I would get into heaven, but what if I didn't? What if I went to H-E-double hockeysticks, or someplace worse, like Detroit. What if I had to replay my life over and over, unable to change anything, and unaware that I was replaying the same life, in some sort of sick endless cycle. What if I owed taxes? I stared up at the girl who would be minestroning my life, waiting with bated breath.
"You will be reincarnated," she said in a hush, "Into a sick-ass game-like fantasy world."
Whaaaat? I was going to be reincarnated into another world? This was just like one of my favorites animes, or like one of the many stories online that I've read before, housed on such places as royalroad.com. Was this truly the fate I was going to get? What had I done to deserve this prize? I was just an average guy. Suddenly, I thought I had an idea!
I sighed in relief. "Is it because I heroically sacrificed myself, even though it wasn't my time to die?"
The God at the lectern shook her head. "No, that actually was your fated time to die," she explained. She leaned in, giving me a sly smile and a thumbs up.
"But, that was a really sicknasty kickflip you did there right before you died, so you get a second chance."
"Oh!" I said, surprised. "I thought you were going to say something like you were actually in love with me, haha."
She turned bright red all of the sudden, for no reason. She must have bitten her tongue. I stared at the TV, which was now showing a sizzle reel with dragons and hot busty anime babes and magicians and hot busty anime dragons and all sorts of things you expected to see in a fantasy game-like world. There was even a dwarf!
"So... this game-like fantasy litRPG world..." I mused, "Will I have a really super awesome cheat-like ability?"
Kamiko recovered from her blushing and nodded.
"Of course! And that's exactly what comes next. We're going to figure out what power you're going to get in order to defeat the wicked, all-powerful Demon Lord."
"Oh, cool!" I said. This was exciting! I couldn't wait to see what ability I would get to beat the Demon Lord...
Wait... Demon Lord?!