{ Dear Diary
- This is a draft I’m writing down on a napkin from the Guild Canteen because I left you behind with Nello by accident.
- I knew I shouldn’t have been rolling around in the grass to motivate myself to work hard.
- I’ve finished my shopping and I’m about to head back, but the local armor and adventuring gear shops have caught my interest. I haven’t properly find the right armor for myself.
- Now that I’ve reached Level 9, I should do something about not wearing bare clothing to a battle. They’ll break and the seams just burst open in the wrong places.
- Honestly, I’m not sure if the clothing designer for my top and pants is an old age pervert!? I’ll re-record this when I find you later.
Love, and sorry. }
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“Top of the morning to you dear lass. Fine weather we’re having, eh?"
“Sorry. I’m a lesbian.”
<< You dealt Constable -1000 Emotional Damage. Please seek counselling or get arrested. >> -----
<< __ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!!__ >>
~ Hey Constable Krupke! KRUP-YOU! ~
You insulted an Officer of the Law in broad daylight. Are you into Handcuff Play or something!?
“Gugh!? Wh-what makes you think I’m hitting on you! A-and look at my uniform! I-I’m really a Constable of the Royal Guards! M-my duty is to uphold the law of the city, n-not abuse my authority!”
“………………..I’m still a lesbian.”
“D-don’t shrug me off like that!? D-do I really look like a bad guy here!?”
Pastrache was busy. She had finished up buying some rations, water, and some supplies necessary for surviving in long-term quests or camping out doors. She was thinking over which missions to take when she passes by her Adventuring Guild. Some were high level above her, so she could get some bonus, but they would be difficult even with Nello’s help. Some were below her level, but after tasting the delicacy called levelling up faster, she can’t go back to regular grinding.
Not even an Anonymous Help Group could do anything to remove the thrill of skipping several levels in a LitRPG setting like this. It's... just too sweet to let go... Sigh.
"...Should I take the mission where I try and beat up Grey Orcs that have been preying on men in a local village during the mating season... or, should I take the mission where Mandrakes are preying on innocent women during their mating season. Hmm...Both offer really good rewards... Hmm..."
"I don't know what you're talking about both sounds awfully dangerous on too many accounts. A-and are you even paying attention to this Constable miss!?"
But Pastrache's choices weren’t just a flip of a coin or 'eenie meenie, miney moe, catch a tiger by the toe, if it hollers get the f**k out' type of situation. It was serious. One mission had benefits but more danger, and she lacked funding to buy suitable equipment to survive. Some jobs were easy, but she would feel it was a waste of manpower.
This is what Sun Tzu meant picking your battles. Know thy enemy and know thyself, and you can kick @ss every time you shake hands with the enemy. Quote this narrator.
“Listen here, young lady. If you try and cause any trouble for an officer for the law, I’ll have no choice but to—“
“POLICE BRUTALITY! POLICE BRUTALITY!”
“GEGGG! I-I’M NOT A POLICE! I’M A CONSTABLE! TH-THAT’S A DIFFERENT PROFESSION ALTOGETHER IN THIS CITY!! I-I SERVE THE KING!”
“CONSTABLE BRUTALITY! CONSTABLE BRUTALITY!”
“N-now see here, young lady. Don’t you dare cause a scene right now, I’m only two hours away from the end of my beat! I'm not in the mood to stay behind in the Station House to write up an unnecessary report, are you listening to me?”
The Half-Elf Girl was harassing a particular man in the middle of the street. Not the other way around. The gentlemen was true to his word and was in full uniform as he tried to calm down the misbehaving girl. Donned in a black blazer with golden buttons, decorated with a silver whistle tied to a lovely chain, and wearing what looked like a pith style helmet with a leaf like badge emblazoned on the front.
Almost like an officer of the British Armed Forces… during the Empire days. So to speak. Hmm.
<< You gain +200 EXP for causing CIVIL UNREST. You gained the Skills Rioter Lv. 1 >> << Your relationship with CONSTABLE ??? has increased by 10%. You are his Troublemaker. >>
“Please don’t make this difficult! I’m trying to make an honest living!! I only get 1.25 GP per hour! It's barely enough to support my little sisters! D-don’t just up and write down my badge number out of the blue with a complaint that didn’t even happen. It would look bad on my record!”
“I’m reporting you! I don’t care how nice you are or if you carry old ladies across the street! I’m reporting you for sexual harassment!!”
Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.
“……………………………………”
"...... Oh please don't miss. Th-this is the third time today a girl has made a false complaint about me so-so she could force me to pay her off. I-I don't have any more coins. I-if this gets back to the Inspector, he's going to make me eat my badge... And I'll have to say nickel and chrome don't taste very appealing."
"........... You tasted a badge?"
"Long story. There was this one time two summers ago, my Sister Ruby tried to run a side business in metallurgy for the church, and I would helped in sorting them out. But she didn't have a water basin to wash my hands, so I ate my sandwich as is and it taste very funny, made my mouth rather numb and---"
“Not my problem. I’m not your inspector, neither am I your sister waiting for you to come home to cook food, buy her cheap toys to please her, and read bed time stories to her every night.”
“………………… How do you know I read bed time stories to my Sister Pearl?”
“Oh my god, did I become a Psychic?... Wait, i-if that was true, wh-why didn’t I get the skill or the achievement!? I-I don’t uderstand. Is my Ethereal Notification System broken!?”
“Well technically about the the story part. There aren't any good reading material nowadays so I write my own to--"
“That’s even worse, making your sister a guinea pig! Not every girl is into being the protagonist of a shady @ss Dungeon Play!”
“Now look here, that was uncalled for! Do you have any idea that I could arrest you for—“
“POLI——CONSTABLE BRUTALITY! CONSTABLE BRUTALITY!”
"Oh please not so loud! Th-the other housewives are looking at us and shaking their heads at me! I-I'll end up being a bachelor for the rest of my life if they tell their daughters I'm no good!"
<< You gained +300 EXP for causing CIVIL UNREST+1. Your Skill is now Rioter Level 2!! >> -----
<< __ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!!__ >>
~ Adventures of Huckleberry Finn ~
You're the new Troublemaker in Town. Make your Predecessors Proud. Yeee-haaaw!!
The poor, poor Constable on a minimum wage felt defeated. Knowing he was once again fighting a losing battle, he had no choice but to submit in unconditional surrender. As part of his surrending terms, he would offer the Half-Elf girl five silver pieces from his shallow pockets.
"That's all I have left after the first two girls scammed me... I don't have anything else to persuade you."
“……..Oh, such a wonderful officer of the law. Oh-ho-ho~♪"
“Okay, that’s it. I’ll definitely—“
“CON—“
Another three silver pieces hiding in the ankle of his socks, and Pastrache shut up.
“By the way. As you are a man, I might need your assistance.”
“... Hold on now. You’re not going to make any more troube for me now? Look, I just want to go home and not have the inspector gut me alive for screwing up a simple beat again. Even my partner left me alone to the Mongoose and Ferret Tavern for a drink…I just... Don’t do this to me... please.”
“…If you call me Beautiful Princess of the Royal Family, I’ll consider.”
"........................"
The Poor Constable took a moment to look around. Any eyes that were on him and the girl were starting to fade. If he remains in Stealth Mode a little longer, he would be socially invisible.
"...Please no, that's treason."
The Half-Elf Girl nodded… and took one deep breath to prep her lungs for full auto speaker.
“Beautifulprincessoftheroyalfamilypleasespareme!"
[CONSTABLE SCREEN]
<< __ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!!__ >>
~ Tongue Twister Veteran ~
Recited a complicated Phrases that other people would bite their tongues on at 10 times speed.
First take. First try.
“Veeeerrry good, my loyal subject. Oh-ho-ho. Ahem. Now carry these bags for me."
"Guwaaaaahggg!?"
[ CONSTABLE SCREEN ]
<< WARNING: Inventory Overcapacity! You're carrying too much to run. >>
The Poor Constable stagged as Pastrache tapped a holographic screen to eject some of her packaged items and shopping material from a magical portal and onto the floor. The young man in uniform tried to catch it all, but they either tumbled off his arms or landed on his foot. Even with a steel-toed boot, he felt it break the join in his toes.
"W-wait! Y-young lady, i-is this absolutely necessary! I-I just want to go home and play with my cat!"
"Yes. In order to truly atone for what you did to my body...Sniff, you must obey me."
"You're crying is fake! Those tears were added with eye drops! Y-you can't fool this Constable!"
"Also. I need a man's opinion on an important matter. I can't figure out which Armor Set is most suitable for me."
"................................What?"
By the time the Constable was able to stack up all of the parcels and wrapped materials into his two arms, a vice that only an Alaskan King Crab could rival grabbed him by the wrist and hauled him after a pair of long legs.
To summarize, Pastrache was dragging her new shopping servant into this classy looking Armor Store, tailored for Women. Also known as 'the Shark Jaws' by men, conscious of their wallets.
“And remember, Mr. Constable. Tee-hee. You can't cause any trouble for this innocent civilian, or break anything in this shop. You still have one and a half hour before your shift ends, technically - you're still on duty... Oh-ho-ho! I'm a lucky gi~rl, I'm a lucky Half-Elf! I got me a new Caddy~NPC, it's me pride and joy! HEY!~♪"
“Mary Mother of….Sister Amethyst, please pray for me.”
Hang in there friend. One hour and 28 minutes left.
<< CONGRATULATIONS: You recruited CONSTABLE ??? as your Follower!!! >>