:: Dear Diary..... I feel sorry for Nello. I have to take this crash course lesson from the Dwarf Clerk who works at the guild I’m with. She’s scary when she needs to be, but I’m surprised how patient she is when trying to show me how to properly manage my character points, improving my stats, as well as suggesting which skill would be best for me based on my fighting style….Oh right, before I go, I should ask for her opinion on which Class I should take. I’m already past Level 5. Maybe she could help me there. By the way, what was her name again? ::
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<< GUILD SCAN, EMPLOYEE CODE AUTHORIZATION AC1980......... APPROVED >> << Pastrache Mooneye has upgraded to Level 8. Currently has 2018+1 Character Points. >>
“Simply put, I don’t believe you honestly collected this absurd amount of experience points. You stole them by gutting a fellow party member in their sleep, didn’t you? And why is there a +1 at the end? Did you steal mine too!?”
“No! Of course not! Do you see my Achievement list carrying the title of ‘Backstabber'!? No. Nello and I are in a party, and he’s stronger than me. So whatever he ended up killing is shared with me. It just so happen our enemies are 10 times higher level than us!”
“……….You’re still sweating in the cleaveage. You’re definitely lying.”
“That’s only because of how hot this god-forsaken staff lounge is! Wh-where is an Ice Crystal to keep the temperature cool! A-and why is using this contraption that gives out ridiculous amount of heat necessary to display images on the wall!?"
"It's called a Corona Projector. I spent half of my Wedding Savings to purchase this as part of my work requirement. So please save your complaints until 100 years after you're old and withered."
"G-guh!? I-is that some kind of supernatural curse!? R-Red Cross! Red Cross!"
Pastache could be found dragged into the territory of the guild known as Staff Lounge #3. As mentioned in the name, there were three types of leisure rooms for employees. #1 general humanoid and small-medium sized employees who manage the everydays of the guild (kitchen staff seperate). #2 was dedicated to the Guild Manager's officer (#PrivateMeetingWithSexySecretaryAndSoundProof). And #3...Well...voila. This one was different, as it belonged entirely to the Dwarf Clerk.
There was a plaque to proof it was hers. 'E. Cogez's Room. Zero Tresspassers'.
Whenever she would mentioned Staff Lounge #3, everyone who knew her would tremble. That was the famous ‘staff lounge’ where she would drag in impolite adventurers to discipline them. After three hours inside, they will come out as a totally different men and completely docile women.
However, this private resting chamber wasn’t all about violent re-programming.
"Miss Dwarf lady. Not to be rude but, what's that wierd smell?"
"Air freshener. Jasmine herb."
"J-JASMINE!? N-NO WONDER—BACHUUU!—I WANT TO SNEEZE!—BUGFFCHUU!—SO BADLY! I-I'M ALL—KABCHUU!—ALLERGIC TO JASMINE POLLEN..A...aaaahnn..aaaa——PIKACHYUU!"
"...With all due respect Miss Adventurer, get out. I don't want a pocket-sized monster spreading germs in my room. My immune system isn't as strong as an Elf or Human."
"I-I'm serious! BAKU-THOR-HEHMSWORUTH--CHUUUU!"
90% of the time, the Dwarf Clerk like to use this secluded guild section as a temporary bed room, for her to survive the night shifts. To make sure no Jo-Blow would even dare about walking in on her when she was napping or changing into her uniform, she had this hook on the front of the door to let her hang a ‘Do not Disturb or Die’ sign whenever she needed it.
Which acts as the 'arming mechanism' to make the knob on the front door deliver 10 000 volts to possible tresspasser / peeping tom.
Today, she converted that makeshift dicscipline chamber / bedroom into a classroom. Her one student, the Half-Elf Girl, was trying not to fell asleep as to how stuffy the small quarter was.
“Uughnn...Didn’t you think about installing a window?”
“It can’t be helped. I’ve been trying to persuade the manager for many years to offer me a personal quarter to keep my work efficiency at an optimum level. For him to cut out a room right behind the kitchen gallery is already a blessing. As a regular guild clerk who has zero interest in warming up his bed or desk, I can’t ask for anymore.”
“……….Wait, that thing in the corner. Isn’t it one of those air purifiers that uses magical currents to draw in moisture and filter out bacteria and pollen from the room…Aren’t those super expensive?”
“When you work with a manager who spends 90% of his work day doing this and that with his three secretaries, you get special leverage from both him and the wife.”
“I see. So essentially, you're a regular guild clerk by day. But at night, you making your true living as a double agent.”
“Back to the lesson.”
Miss Cogez cleared her throat to end their conversation there. It felt like a cliffhanger for the Half-Elf Girl, but she didn’t press on. She could already see the serious and deadly look in the Dwarf woman’s eyes that were hiding behind those exotic glasses.
“…Why do you look like you want to kill your husband for infidelity?”
“Bffffft!? Wh-who said I was married! Th-th-this how I always look when I spent time teaching children at the local school as volunteer.”
“Are you trying to raise little kids to think the world is scary and have them face the reality at the age of five!?”
“If you keep running your mouth, I’ll punch your chest with my mace.”
"..............N-not my darlings!"
Once more, their conversation ended on that note, with a certain Half-Elf guarding her beloved bosoms.
“Anyways. Cough. As you see on the slides I’ve projected, the matter isn’t whether or not your character stats evolution is broken. You have to manually update it and invest the right scores into the stats you wish to grow. It’s really a number game if you simmer it down into a fine paste.”
“…Is that what you say to most adventurers when you drag them in here.”
“Where!? Where the h*ll did I put my mace?”
<< CONGRATULATIONS! You learned a new skill: Sleight of Hand Lv. 1 >> << Seight of Hand SUCCESS. You 'borrowed' Miss Cogez's Iron Mace. >>
Pastrache tried not to laugh, as she intentinally covered the weapon with the cute @ss she was sitting on. When Miss Cogez couldn’t find her favourite weapon, she gave up and continued.
“So in a nutshell, you have to add in the character points you’ve accumulated from your past missions and battle. Please open up your character sheet again for me.”
“Like this? Open Sesame!”
Name: ---- PASTRACHE MOONEYE
Gender: -- FEMALE
Age: ------ CLASSIFIED INFORMATION
====== LEVEL: 8
CLASS: (Class Selection Available, Please Select)
RANK: Adventurer, Novice Rank 1
This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.
CHARACTER POINTS: 358
STATS:
STRENGTH 9 DEXTERITY 12↑ PHYSIQUE 9↓ INTELLIGENCE 7 WISDOM 6↓ CHARISMA 12↑
SKILLS:
Professional Negotiator Lv. 1 -- (Bonus Charisma Checks) Housewife Level. 1 (Inherited Skill) -- (You can cook Home Meals) Poledancer Lv .1 -- (Swing it Baby) Groin Kicker Lv. 1 -- (Bonus Damage to Groin Area) Stealth Lv. 2 -- (Ability to avoid detection) Sprinter Lv. 10 MAX -- (Bonus Dash Action, Double Movement Speed) Rifleman Lv. 1 -- (You can use long Firearms)
“…It’s Open Stats, but close enough...Wh-why the h*ll do you have a dangerous skill set like Pole Dancer Level One!?"
"I-it's not what you think! E-even now I don't know how borrowing my friend's shoulder to grab a crabpear ended up with such a useless Achievement!"
"C-cough! F-forget it. I don't want to get into more of your fetishes."
"I DON'T HAVE A THING FOR DOGS! I CUDDLE THEM, BUT NOT THE MANNER YOU'RE THINKING YOU PERVERT?"
"...Did you say something little child."
"Meap! I-I'm sorry. I'll shut up now, p-please don't sh-sharpen your nails! I-I want to keep my eyes and my cheeks where they are!"
"...Tch. Such a nuisance...Back to the lesson."
"Fuuuuuh..."
"Ahem. Now, you see that number next to Character Points? Think of it as coins. Now, you have to invest those coins into a company to make it grow and proliferate….Meaning your stats.”
“Oh I see. I thought you were actually wanting me to go into business…Hmm…I wonder if I should open a mechanical repair and maintenance shop with Nello…he should have knowledge how machines like himself work.”
“I think I’m starting to hear something I shouldn’t be exposed to. Moving on.”
One by one, Miss Cogez the Dwarf Clerk continued the small lecture. In clicking a button on a device in her thumb, she had the traditional projector slide machine revolve its glass plates to display various images onto a blank wall in her room.
It was summary of how an Adventurers would properly level up and spend their character points they've acquired over time. There was even two pages worth of safety measures that had to be taken account, but for the interest of time they decided to say they did it and skipped that part.
“So you understand what you need to do?”
“Um. If I want to become super strong, do I dump all the free numbers into my Strength score?”
“If you want to splurge your hard earn points, go ahead. Even if you threw in all of your coins into a single base stat like Strength or Dexterity, it will eventually reach a maximum of 20 until you level up again. If you spend all 120 points into that one category, only 11 will be used and the others will be nulled. You would effectively be throwing 109 points into a salt water pond.”
“Guh! I-I can’t do that! N-not when I need it to fuel my other stats! Look how ridiculously low my Physique and Health stats are! I-I have to save them!”
“Exactly. So spend your points wisely. Not even a professional clerk like me could tell you what to boost and what to overlook. This all comes down to how it affects your ability in future combat and dealing with stronger enemies.”
Pastrache took in all that information into her mind that had an intelligence score of 8, or sorry it went down its 7 now. In the end, she felt that this was a math test and she had to figurre out what was the best formula to use in various physics related questions.
After thinking for 30 minutes, she made a decision.
“I give up. Can you help me.”
“Where is my mace!?”
The Dwarf Clerk gnashed her teeth as she struggled to look for her beloved mace. She was small, about four feet, yet she still went down on all fours to peek under her office bed, desk, tables, and other narrow spaces to find where her weapon had went to.
All the while, Pastrache switched her legs around to sit more comfortably, all the while shielding the said weapon with her cute @ss.
<< __ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!__ >>
~ She's a Pirate! ~
You 'borrowed' your friend's item with every intention of giving it back.
--- << You earned 500 EXP for Stealth Check. Congratulations, your Stealth is now Level 3! >>
“I honestly don’t know where to begin, Miss Dwarf, cough cough. Would it not be better to watch someone with experience in this field to demonstrate~♫.”
“Tch. This is a pain. Fine, I’ll help you. But this is the last act of charity I can offer. Son of a b*tch, did I leave my mace outside or something? Sh*t, that rod-obsessed Catgirl must be using it right now to sate her personal frustrations!! Eeeck. I have to sanitize it thoroughly in with steam and holy water if I find it in her bed!”
Pastrache covered her mouth, as if to look appalled by this possibility. Really, she was hiding the fact she was biting her lips to keep herself from laughing while fidgeting in her seat. After Miss Cogez calmed down and smoothed out her dame's bun, she let out a sigh.
“Let’s keep this session simple. Otherwise this will take for hours. What are your normal combat tactics or fighting style? Duel Wielder? Wisdom Focused? Healing? Steam Bike Mounted Archery?”
“Uh…Well…I like to use a crossbow.”
“Then you should strive to go with stats leading to the Ranger Class.”
“However, I find that my aim is terrible.”
“Given how high your Dexterity already is, I think you could make for an okay Duelist or Fencer.”
“But I still like to hit things from afar.”
“Maybe if you boost your Intelligence or Wisdom, considerably, you could take up a Spellcasting class and throw magical projectiles at the enemy.”
“And I like to have a weapon that’s practical.”
“Make up your mind you idiot Half-Elf! This isn’t exactly picking out a lingerie to show off to your boyfriend!”
“Geeegh! Wh-who would want to do something that stupid? A-and the only boy in my party is Nello, but given that he’s a tank I don’t think he’ll get riled up if I were to go with the blue colored baby doll negligee.... will he?”
“Again, I don’t understand a word you’re talking about! Just make a choice already and get out!”
The Half-Elf and the Dwarf Clerk were about to butt heads with each other, like bulls in mating season. Only instead of winning the affections of a maiden minotaur, they just wanted to cut each other throats out. However, given that character cheet improvement was important in this cruel world, they both came to a shaky truce and end up huffing in frustration.
It was only after 10 minutes of cooling down her raging hormones, that Pastrache spoke up.
“Is there any class, you know, use a rifle?”
“A rifle?”
“Like those matchlocks or arquebus.”
“…Hmm…I think there is. But usually that’s only common in the other Capital Cities in the East where men and weapon who specialize in long-range firearms are more prevailing.”
“So, could I still go for that class?”
“…Wait…I think that’s a possibility. Since you might be the first person to pursue this category, I could work out a deal with the manager to give you extra bonus equipment and experience points. However, as proof that you are capable of fulfilling the requirement, I need you to show me something.”
“……………I…it’s…35-24-30…I…I want to keep my first time for my future husband so… please be gentle with my back door.”
“No. I’m not my manager, please tie up your god-d*mn corset.”
“Oh goddess, thank you! I was worried I’ll be walking awkwardly for the next few days as if a stick ran up my @ss.”
“………………………..”
Miss Cogez stared blankly at Pastrache who was adjusting the ropes on her clothing until it was back and snug on her bosom. Once she pressed out the creases from her dress, the Dwarf let out a sigh.
What happened next, decided the fate of our heroine.
“Do you have a matchlock at hand... is what I'm trying to say.”
“Not exactly. But what Nello gave me here kind of works like that.”
“…..What the h*ll is that staff you have in your hands? Don't tell me you're like that rod obsessed cat girl too!?”
“BFFFFT!? O-of course not, I-I don't..do that—It’s called Moxie-Negligee…Wait, No, no…Mo...Mobile...Ah! I remember now! Mosin-Nagant! Yes. It's a Russian Rifle!”
<< __ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!__ >>
~ ...Say that Again? ~
You stupefied a colleague with your big words. Bravo. Bravo.