:: Dear Diary…. I spent the whole day examining Nello’s exterior and interior. Like he told me when we firs met, he surely wasn’t a golem. Golems are artifacts made with magic, connected with wired spells and move based on simple command protocols integrated into magical circuits. Nello has none of those basic requirements yet he could think and act independently, even without a wizard. This is incredible. However, his veins, his muscles, and his organs are too confusing. Most of them are completely foreign to me. Like this big box with nozzles and iron cables he calls the engine; the metal sticks and flaps he calls levers and switches; also, none of the symbols painted inside of his interior are written in Common, they’re all in his language, Russian, so I can’t even eye ball and improvise. Sigh. Maybe I should take a break first, and have a Cheshire Salmon Burger or something... Then we’ll move on to checking Nello’s nose and eye. ::
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<< Your party has entered PSEUDO_COMBAT!! >> << All Passive Combat Buffs have been automatically applied!! Good hunting!! >>
“Okay Nello. Go for it.”
“A-ATAKA!”
*BTOOOOOOOOOM!*
A T-34 Soviet Tank built for the Second World War could be found sitting upon a hill.
Despite how everything behind it was covered in emerald grass, the hills slope and the and within its forward view was completely covered in fresh sand and deserts with bedrock mountains that reached up to the horizon. Like the two pages of the same book painted in completely different colors.
The armored vehicle fired its 76 mm cannon without hesitation, the artillery round flashing in the distance. Followed by a fiery pop and a small clap of thunder.
<< Nello used 76 mm CANNON on INNOCENT BEDROCK >> << Nello dealt -9999 Piercing and Fire Damage. >>
“…Oh! You’re reach is farther than I calculated! Good job Nello!!”
“Thank you, Big Sis… but… are you sure we should be test firing here, I mean… what if the people who live in the sand get very angry, then come up to us and say ‘We declare war on you’…Uwaaah. I-I just left behind the fight in Stalingrad, I-I don’t want to go back and fall into another trench again!”
“Don’t worry Nello, this part of the region is safe. I know, because the Dwarf Clerk lady with glasses back at the Guild showed me this part of the map. It’s nothing but monsters that we have to fight anyway, not to mention the infestation of giant sand worms and Sarmaac Pits.”
“…Sarmaac pits?”
“Mmm…They’re like this giant slug with a bird like beak that lives under the sand. It’s easy to spot them, they’re the center of a sink hole that has lots of nasty razor sharp teeth that look like a Lantern Lamprey in the lake.”
“……. I don’t know how either of them look, but they sound scary.”
“…How should I put it...Ah yes. They’re as frightening as the German Tiger tanks you keep mentioning."
“NOW THAT IS SUPER SCARY! I DON’T WANT TO GO NEAR IT!”
The T-34 Tank could be seen revving up his engines and went in full reverse to initiate full retreat protocol. If this narration was a video camera, we would then be seeing an empty hill in real time.
10 seconds later, after a bit of lovely persuasion, a crying Tank could be seen returning back to his sniper’s perch.
"Please take this training exercise seriously, Nello! If we don't test out your limits right now, then we could be stuck in a bad situation during real combat!"
“Noooo! Sniff! I-I don’t want to fight German Tiger tanks any moooooore! Sniff! Th-they punched my head open with their cannons! Uuuuuuuh! They're really mean to me! Sniff!”
“N-no! I-I was using it as an example! Th-there is no such thing as German Tigers! Y-you’re the first tank I’ve seen in this world so-so you’re okay!”
“…Sniff...P-Promise?”
“Yes. And you know Big Sister loves you.”
“I-I love you Big Sis…Sniff.”
Pastrache sitting inside across the driver seat patted the walls of the tank, as soft as she would to either a newborn kitten or a baby owl…whichever you find fluffier. She would even stroke it with her finger and go:
“Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Goo-chi~♫. Goo-chi~♫. Goo-chi~♫.”
“Ha-ha-ha! B-Big Sis! Th-that tickles my switches!”
On the outside, the T-34 Tank could be seen swivelling his turret head left and right, his noses flapping up and down. As if mimicking a child avoiding the dreaded tickle attack!
“Alright back to work.”
You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.
“Oooooooh (TxT).”
After a moment of depression, the tank on the hill straightened its barrel. He continued to look at the desert horizon in its front, ignoring the green rolling meadows behind him
“…Now what?”
“Well I can see how far you’ve shot.. by my estimation…11.2 kilometers give or take.”
“HOH! B-Big Sis is amazing! Y-you didn’t even have to use any instruments or go through advance tank training to calculate the distance to target.”
“Oh-ho-ho! What can I say, Nello. It runs in my Elven Blood. Praise me~☆!”
“Big Sis is sooooo cool!!”
"Nyaa-haa-haa! I love this sweet sensation caressing in my heart!
Pastrache has this lovely smug look on her face as she flipped her hair like a rich girl would to her highschool posse.
However, she just remembed she was sitting inside of Nello’s tummy. Her prepared action to score popularity points had been wasted... Meh, at least she lived the dream of being the most popular girl in school... even for three seconds.
“….Cough. Okay, now Nello. I want you to fire your nose as fast as you can until you can’t shoot anymore.”
“Oh! I got it, a rate of fire test! Okay okay!”
Being a tank was one thing, being part of the Soviet Army during war-time was another.
Understanding what he needed to do, the vehicle prepared its barrel and held it straight in parallel to the ground. Inside, Pastrache could see the automatic levers and gears running at full speed.
Clamps would bend down to grab a shell that was stored inside the tank, load a satchel that smelt of gunpowder and fuse into a socket, then shove the shell and satchel together into the chamber the fed the cannon.
“…Ready Big Sis!”
“Okay!”
Pastrache then nodded to herself, and adjusted the ear covers she already had on her pointed Elven ears. For the record, they wore simple ear muffs you could get from the local Dollar Store on a Winter Special. The one she bought was the fuzzy bright pink ones.
Like the fur of an energetic bunny that keeps going.
The Half-Elf Girl gave the signal, and slapped her hand into the tank wall.
“Aaaaaaaand---OPEN FIRE!”
“ATAKA!”
*BTOOOOOOOOM!*
<< Accessing NELLO's ACTION CAM for 'Travelling Reader'........................ COMPLETE!! >> [https://thumbs.gfycat.com/NegativeIndelibleAmericanbobtail-size_restricted.gif]
The barrel erupted at the tip and out shot another shell flying at Mach 2. Before it even hit a nearby bedrock mountain, Pastrache turned to see the automatic gears moving again.
“REEEEEEE-LOADING!”
The mechanical clamps and arms twisted around again. With swift speed they grabbed the next round and shoved it into the end of the barrel and plugged it with a gunpowder fuse and ballistic seal.
*BTOOOOOOOOOOOM!*
“REEEEEEEE-LOADIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!”
Pastrache didn’t bother to look as to where that shot went, she only watched the mechanical arms working at full throttle.
*Vrrrrrr-Grrrrr-Klank-Vrrrrr-Ricka-Ricka—Guuuuuuu-CLONK. Click.*
*BTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*
“REEEEEEEEEE-LOADING!”
*BTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*
“RE--REEEEEE-LOADING!”
*BTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*
“R-Ree—cough cough. L-Loading!”
*BTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*
“Hack…Cough…L…Load…F…fre!”
*BTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*
“……….O-ow.”
*BTOOOOOOOM!*
“…………………………………………………..B-Big Sis, my nose is bleeding.”
“O-okay that’s enough Nello. Good work.”
The entire time Pastrache was inside of the tank, she felt the entire craft quake from every blast of the cannon. She was both astonished and horrified, thinking about the original crew that used to commandeer her friend during their war time back in his original world.
To have four grown men be stuffed insides this cramped space, constantly firing cannon that could essentially make them deaf earlier than old age. Worse, she tried simulating some images of Nello-Copies attacking Nello in a firefight.
The thought of being slammed by one of these high impact shells that fly at Mach 2 made her intestines twist.
Not to mention, she realized just how big a hole the T-34 tank could make into the bedrock mountain. 11.2 kilometers away, 10 holes, roughly 15 meters in diameter each.
“…………………………………………..”
“….Cough…I-I’m sorry Bi-Big Sis…Sniff. I-I can’t sh-shoot any more…m-my nose…sniff…is too hot.”
“I-it's alright Nello, I made the count. You can shoot 10 times per minute. Th-that’s amazing!!”
“…Oh…Thank you….b…but I already know I could shoot that much…But German Panzer and Tiger tanks are too fast for me to reload…I always get beaten up before I knock them out... It's no fair. Cough!”
A big wad of smoke flooded from the T-34 Soviet Tank’s barrel. It was piping red hot too, so it was best no one touched it until it cooled down. The temperature at that point in time, could not only cook an egg the second the yolk and egg white touches the steel – it will turn it black and crispy.
That’s how hot Nello’s nose was… temperature wise (#NotInnuendo!!)
“…………………..Do you want a break, Nello?”
“Y-yes please—BACKACHUUU!”
Boodz zda-rov (Bless you).