:: Dear Diary…. I had the chance to arrive at the next town a little earlier than expected. Thanks to Nello’s smart thinking, we made a short cut by blowing open this passage way between some mountains that had been blocked up by a cave in some years ago. Nello’s fire nose sure came in handy. Once I find the client of the quest we started, then all will be well. Wish me luck! Kiss Kiss~♥. ::
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<< QUEST STARTED >>
~Construction Assistance LV 6~ BACKGROUND: The Mayor of Carnegie Hall Town is requesting Adventurers to lend assistance in the clearing of the Carnegie Hall pass blocked by an ancient landslide. In order to take on this quest, you need to have a Minimum of STR 10, WIS 10, and CHA 10. You will get bonus EXP if you have Blacksmith, Masonry, or Demolition Skills. You must arrived within 24 hours of accepting this quest offer in your to meet with the client. Base Reward for Completion of Mission: ----------------------- 10,000 GOLD
Bonus Reward for Blacksmith, Masonry, Demolition Skill: --- 80 GP
<< Alert Notification: The Mayor has CANCELLED this quest. Thank you for your submission. >>
“F**king stupid, @sshole, cheapskate, donkey-faced, frog-bearded, muscle@ss--“
“Um-um…Big Sis…It’s not healthy to curse so much… Also, it’s not very healthy to drink a lot of vodka while on duty. There were too many soldiers I saw back in Stalingrad who disappeared in the snow half drunk when the German Tank surprised us.”
“Ssssh! I’m cursing that cr*pface client that swindled us of our prize money! That no good for nothing turtle sucking…F**K!”
Pastrache didn’t mean to be this scary or frighten the pure and innocent Nello the tank.
As much as she disliked hurting her friend, she couldn’t control her irritation and ended up stomping her foot inside the tank’s crew compartment while she crossed her arms in the driver seat. However, the bitterness she felt couldn't be helped. What she went through the first thing in the morning upon arriving at the town to begin this important quest, did not start on the right foot.
In fact, it didn’t start at all.
“That rat fink b@stard! We rode over 100 kilometer worth of mud and dirt to come to this dingy town in the middle of nowheresville just to find out what did our client wanted us Adventurers to help him with. But by the time we did see him face to face, he just up and cancels our quest altogether! D*MN SLEAZE BUCKET WOODPECKER!”
“…He said that he wanted us to help his construction team to clear our the Carnegie Hall Pass of all the rubble that was left in a great earthquake 30 years ago, so they could build a road… How were we supposed to know the passage we cleared with my cannon was the same place.”
“Exactly! Exactly!? How were we supposed to know we cleared the mission before it was started! You think you woud get a bonus reward for accomplishing such a ridiculous feat, but NO!! Once he learned it was cleared and he doesn’t have to waste money on his worker to open the road – he immediately fired us the second we approach him.”
“…But… he doesn’t need help to open the passage…it’s cleared before we saw him…So…I don’t think the word ‘fired’ works right now.”
“I don’t care! He f**king looked at us like beggars and cast us out like children disowned from a noble family! And you should have see the smirk on his face! Now that his problem is cleared up, he didn’t have to pay for our services!....I’ll gut him! I’ll gut him real good!”
“Uwoooh! W-wait! B-Big Sis! Y-you can’t move my controls all of a sudden! M-my body is confused as to where I want to go! S-stop pushing th-the steeriiiiing!”
The T-34 Tank was sitting outside the edge of a homey little town full of two story wood and straw houses. A small hamlet that sat in an alcove by the base of a large mountain, made of basalt rock formations that acted as a wall that protected the rear. The front was forcefully opened from being a narrow cave to an open space, as the town itself was already in the middle of expanding more houses, commercial buildings, and modern industrial factories that melted fresh coal, iron ore, and even the basalt minerals.
It was starting to grow into an independant city than a cozy hamlet now.
All of it was about 200 meters left behind by the tracks of the T-34 Tank as it was following the road to go back to the Capital City. Because a certain Pistrache was so p*ssed off after meeting the town's mayor, she was in desperate need of a bubble bath loaded with scented oils and aromatherapy - right now.
She was already trying to keep her temper in check, by stomping her naked heel into the clutches below her feet. It kept forcing the Tank to skid to a halt, move---skid to a halt, move---skid to a halt.
<< You dealt Nello -0.00000000001 Bludgeoning Damage. Please seek counselling. >> << You dealt Nello -0.00000000001 Bludgeoning Damage. Please seek counselling. >> << You dealt Nello -0.000001 Bludgeoning Damage. CRITICAL HIT. Still seek out counselling. >> << You gained 200 EXP from kicking someone. You gained Sadist Play Lv 1. Really seek counselling. >>
“Gyaag! Gaagg! B-Big Sis! I-it hurts! C-could you kick the blanket—gegg! Instead? A-and where are you turning me!?”
“We’re going around. We’re going back to the passage where we took a short cut. We will leave this place entirely, AFTER we close up the god-d*mn route again.”
“….Heh? Y-you don’t mean?”
“Yes. We’re going to f**k up their mountain, clog it up, and walk away laughing like heroes!”
“THAT’S WHAT VILLAINS DO, BIG SIS! W-WE SHOULDN’T DO THAT! WH-WHAT IF THEY GET SUPER ANGRY!?”
“They left me no choice Nello! Why, if you were there next to me, you would have seen how ugly that rat called a mayor was smiling at me! He told me he couldn’t offer me the quest anymore. The passage was cleared by ‘an Act of God’ so by contract he is unable to fulfill the requirement to make it legitimate! And do you know what else he told me?”
“……What Big Sis?”
“No. You don’t want to know. You’re too pure. The last thing you need to hear coming from a girl, was how much he could pay me to suck his big fat ****...”
“…………………………………………………………..Let’s blow up the mountain Big Sis!”
This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.
“I love you, Nello! Let’s be great heroes and smite the villain!!!”
“URAAH! URAAH! URAAAAAH!”
<< ..................... >> << You and Nello are no longer Chaotic Vagabonds. Your alignment is: Lawful Justice. Go kick @ss. >> << Congratulations: You've been officially declared as Pirates with a Cause. Pillage that pervert! >>
Without any hesitation, the innocent tank and the gentle Half-Elf marched their way towards the passage where they had recently cleared. Although it was a shortcut to get back to their town sooner, there was still the original route they could use to return. It might take a day or two, but given the circumstances, a long scenic road trip back home didn’t hurt.
Not when they had each other to keep company.
“There it is, Big Sis! The Corridor Digit Studio!”
“Carnegie Hall Passage! Love and justice, here we come! Ready your nose, Nello!”
“Aye-aye, Captain Big Sis! REEEEE-LOADING!”
The T-34 Soviet tank was designed for three major purposes: Destruction, Destruction, Destruction. Despite the definition being the same, each had their own raison d’etre.
The First Destruction: was to eliminate any and all enemy forces that stand in the way of the Soviet Red Army; The Second Desturction: was to lay waste to your foes in the defence of cities that flew the red flag; And the Third Dustruction: allowed the ability to bombard cities from a long distance and see the crushing of thy enemy, see them driven before you… and hear the lamentation of their general throwing down their hats in surrender! DAH!
That is what the T-34 Soviet stood for……And that was why Nello took perch on a small patch of grass hidden in the forest edge. He had a clear and open view of the passage way that looked like someone sliced a giant piece from a square cake.
“Alrright Big Sis! High Impact Round is loaded into the chamber!”
“OOOOH!”
Pastrache was inside of the tank. Although she had zero armored weapon training, there were many parts inside of Nello that was running automatically. She could see a metal case slid open to reveal large bullet like shells the size of her thighs! Her thighs!
<< Accessing NELLO's INTERNAL CREW CAM for 'Travelling Reader'.................. COMPLETE >> [https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HcSauVXSeuM/VmT0acBzbQI/AAAAAAAAFUA/ivp-BI-CAjw/s400/giphy.gif]
A steel grip like a hand bent down to grasp the shell, lifting it up from an internal comparment under Pastraches feet. Another machine behind her leaned over her shoulder, aligning itself with the extended cannon shell. A box of powder was stuffed in the back, and the shell was inserted on top.
Various clicking sounds and spinning gears could be heard as the machine over Pastrache’s shoulder clamped itself shut to what looked like the beginning of Nello’s nose, the 3 meter long cannon. More gears and levers clicks, locking into place and adjusting its setting.
Peeking through the flaps of the driver seat, she could see the barrel rising up, calculating the best angle of attack that applied the same science behind the bullet drop. The turret head would turn to compromise for course adjustment, and moved its tracks to find the best stable spot on the ground.
The mobile artillery unit was ready.
“Target acquired. Locking coordinates into the calculator system. Attack angle had been adjusted and finalized. Wind speed is 12 km/h coming from South-East, South-South. Distance to target is 150 meters. Cannon is primed, repeat cannon is primed!”
“Wow…Nello. I never know you could be this serious!”
“Would you like to do the honors, Big Sis?”
“H*ll yes!”
The Half-Ef girl who didn’t fully understand what a World War 2 tank was, instantly leaned straight into the gunner seat and grasped the handle that resembled the trigger of a crossebow. She saw a pair of black goggles fused into the handle, so she ducked her head to seal her eyes onto it. To her shock, she had a magnified view of the Basalt rock formation up ahead.
The targeting reticle was focused on one side of the formation that had the most rocks leaning out from the base of the hill. If someone were to knock it out of place, it would surely cause another epic land slide like it had 30 years ago. Maybe.
“Ready Nello! Let’s make history as the strongest heroes!”
“Let’s do it, Big Sis!”
“READY!”
“AIM!”
“FI—“
*BTOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO OOOOOOO OOOOOOOOM!*
<< Your status is: AWESTRUCK TERROR. Your INT and WIS have temporarily decreased by 1. >> << Nello's 76 mm CANNON is charged. Would you like to fire? (Y/N) >>
“……………………H…hey…….Nello…I didn’t know you can sneeze without shaking your body.”
“…….Th…that wasn’t me this time.”
“…Ah!?”
Pastrache pushed open the hatch across the top of the turret. She wasn’t able to believe her own eyes as to what she saw, so she rubbed the dirt out from her eyes. Only to be slapped in the face by a wave of rock and dust.
“Ptooooo! Puuuu! Pffffuuu! Wh-what happened? A-are you sure you didn’t shoot Nello?”
“N-no! I was waiting for you to pull the trigger!”
“I-I didn’t get a chance to squeeze it when something went off…So….What?”
“…B…Big Sis… look…”
The Half-Elf Girl coughed out the dust from her mouth, before she braced herself across the top of the turret. In the distance, between the Basalt Rock formation of Carnegie Hall Pass, there was this large dusty explosion that filled the gaps. It was too distorted from small fires and heavy dirt clouds, it made it hard for even Pastrache’s Elven sight to look properly.
“B-big Sis! I think there is a pair of binoculars inside me! The spotter who cleans bathrooms always kept it under his chair in case he lost his first pair!”
“R-right! Uh. Rhino Cult!”
“…Binoculars.”
Pastrache didn’t care to what Nello said and duck down. She bent her well curved body inside the tight space, searching under everyone’s seats. When she found something that look like an awkward looking telescope that was broken in half and put together to mimic eye glsses. She picked it up and stood back out the hatch.
“…Um…I look through the big eyes or the little ones?”
“Little! Little!”
The Half-Elf didn’t waste any more time for a comedy act with this next tool, and she looked through the narrow eyepiece to inspect the inside.
Like the cannon gun, this could magnified her sights twice the power of even her Elven bloodline. She had a better look as to what was going on, she could even make out figures in the dust clouds that were starting to fade.
“……………………………..Oh…my goddess.”
“Wh-what? What is it Big Sis? D-did we really shoot the mountain but didn’t know?”
“N-no. Th-that was a premade explosion with gunpowder kegs!....And… oh no…”
“…What Big Sis?”
“…..Mercenaries…There’s Mercenary attacking the construction people!”