:: Dear Diary: … I f**ked up. ::
[https://66.media.tumblr.com/572f45ad3ccb6622a0d8a75591cbb043/tumblr_pnr1czw6jv1wqnuuso1_1280.pnj]
"...Nello. I f**ked up."
"I-is it because th-this dusty town looks super scary?"
"... That's the just tip of the iceberg, but close enough."
Pastrache Mooneye looked like she was about to vomit. She felt a tension in her gut that other people would have when they were about to perform on a grand stage for millions of people. Broadcasted live, in 4K.
Yes, the lead role in the 'Emperor's New Clothing'... Most of you are probably flinching from such a grand opportunity. No need to be jealous.
It didn't help to improve the tense atmosphere, when a cloud of dusty air got sucked into the Half-Elf's lungs. She coughed, like a cat with a hairball.
"Hack. Gag. Cough!"
"Ah! C-careful Big Sis. Please drink some water."
"Cough... I-I wish I could but... this place is so hot and dusty, all the water in my canteen just up and boiled over. The moment I opened the canister, there was nothing but pressurized steam!.... It got in my eye and it stills hurts. Cough."
"Uwaaah. Wh-what should we do? W-we can't live long without water."
"... Nello... You're tank."
"Oh right, I forgot."
"H-how can you forgot something that important!?"
The Half-Elf choked on the dry air again when she said those words. She was gagging so bad, her heels ended up stomping on Nello's armor while she fidgeted across the turret head.
"OW! OW! GUGH!? S-STOP TH-THAT HURTS, BIG SIS!"
"Uugh! Hack! S-sorry, I-I, geeegh."
Pastrache felt bad for hurting her little brother tank, so she quickly pulled out her canteen to drink something. Even when it was emptied like she mentioned before, another puff of warm steam escaped from the bottom of the canister.
Since steam was still essentially vaporized water she... well, inhaled it as hard as she could. Children don't learn from her.
"*Suuuuck*....Aaaaah.... th-that was enough water to keep my throat from splintering. I feel refreshed...Cough."
"Um... where do we go now, Big Sis. I-it's so dark here that I'm scared I might fall off a cliff."
"Hmm. That is surely a pickle."
The Half-Elf squinted her eyes, in hopes to improve her sharp eyesights to scan the horizon. No good, no matter where she looked or stared in, everything was all black. As if the heart of midnight.
Yet the timer on her Ethereal Notification System still reads it was only 10 minutes past noon.
<< Accessing Weather Balloon Camera Crystal...... COMPLETE >> [https://i.redd.it/i28b8taggtuz.gif]
By some strange phenomon, the badlands they entered was covered in a shadowy veil. It looked like it was night 24/7, and the only way to tell if it was 'day' or night' is by spotting a scarlet sun hiding in the sky.
It wasn't that the sun turned the color red. Rather, there was so much enchanted smoke and violet fog, that it forced the sun to be viewed as a deep shade of crimson... Like the aftermath of a large forest fire.
From the Half-Elf's position, the environment around her were nothing but rocky mountains, rocky canyons, and rocky crevases. Plain old desert flat lands that anyone could easily get lost in.
".......There's so many footprints around us, yet why do they suddenly end so short?"
"B-Big Sis? Wh-what are you talking about?"
Nello didn't understand what the Half-Elf was mumbling. He was too focused on the road, or whatever counted as the road in front of him. Despite a tank, he was careful in not running into small rocks or questionable bushes.
Maybe it was a coincidence, but he too noticed the various trails of foot and horse prints riding along side him. They all suddenly disappeared infront of those rocks, pushes, and watering hole.
"...Stop, Nello."
"H-heh? D-did I do something bad again?"
"No, no, no. You're a good boy and Big Sis loves you. Just stop your engine for a second."
"... O-okay."
Patting the Tank on the hatch of the turret head to make him halt, Pastrache stared to climb off the armored vehicle. With some nimble and grace, she was able to leap down the iron slope, all the while showing off the flexibility of her fine legs... Cough.
When she balanced her heels into the dirt, she would rub her foot across the ground.
The sand was soft. Enough for it to fly away with a small kick or a sneeze from the wind. She took a moment to wipe the sweat dripping down her forehead... and some that fell down the slope of her chest (very quickly before anyone saw her). But she still felt the sensation of her clothing plastered to her skin... saturated. Even in all her... womanly places.
If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.
No, it did not put her in a good mood.
".............................."
Pastrache tapped her foot, staring at thre objects that were sitting quietly in front of her and Nello. A large boulder. A large cactus. A large watering hole.
Common items to find in a desert scenario.
"........ Hmph."
"... Big Sis, should I--"
"Ssssh. Be a good boy Nello and wait here."
"... Okay."
Pastrache couldn't resist a smile and patted her little brother tank across the front of his armor. She then turned on her heels, hefting her Mosin-Nagant rifle over her shoulder and marched closer to the three regular oddities.
They were as big as her body mass, regardless it be a rock formation, plant, or a pool of clean water. With her sharp eyes, she could see distinct fresh trails leading directly towards those three objects... There were no return steps.
"...This should do."
So she picked up a rock, and tossed it. The pebble the size of her pinky plopped quietly across the ground, in between them--
---And THREE f**king Mega Burrow Spiders of Gold, Silver, and Bronze lunged from under their fake rock, cactus, and watering hole cover. To eat the small pebble.
"...............UGYAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! SP-SPIDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!"
"Hmm. Just as I thought. The desert is surely a mistress too wild to be tamed. We should---NELLO! WAI-WAIT! COME BACK! WE'RE COMPLETELY OUT OF THEIR ATTACK RANGE! IT'S PERFECTLY SAFE! NELLO!"
"NO! I DON'T WANT IT! I DON'T WANT! I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT A SPIDEEEEEEEER!"
[https://66.media.tumblr.com/572f45ad3ccb6622a0d8a75591cbb043/tumblr_pnr1czw6jv1wqnuuso1_1280.pnj]
"...Have you calmed down now?"
"Sniff...Sniff... Th-they were super scary! Th-those spider were as big as a German Tiger Tank!"
"I know. But we still have to get rid of them or else we can move on. I don't have a roll of newspaper sitting in my inventory. Sorry."
"Uuuuuuuuuh."
After wasting 2 hours chasing after a crying tank, the Half-Elf was back to square one with her current dead end. Although the desert was wide and flat, there were too many complications. There was a bush that was part of this ridiculous amount of fur on the back of a scorpion. A giant beetle that was snoring as a series of boulder. Not to mention there being a Mimic monster the shape of a travelling lodge in the middle of nowhere.
After calculating her odds, the Three Burrow Spiders the size of double decker busses, were the lesser of all evils.
"Big Sis... I want to go home. Can we pick up another mission."
"Of course."
"Yay!"
"Then you have to be responsibile in telling the Werewolf Chieftain that we failed to bring back his daughter... I recall you promised she will come back home safe and sound."
".............................Aaaah."
"Nello. I didn't raise you to be someone to break promises. People who aren't honest will never grow up."
"Meap! I-I don't want to stay small! A-A Tiger Tank might eat me one day!"
Said the T-34 Russian Tank wagging his 3 meter cannon up and down like frantic arms.
"So, you know what to do."
"... Now?"
"Yes, Nello... Now."
"B-but, i-it will get super smoky here... And... Shouldn't we give the spiders a chance to fight back?"
"Neelloooooooooooooooooooooooooo."
"...O-oh okay.....Aaah...ATAKA!"
*BTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*
[https://m.govexec.com/media/gbc/docs/pdfs_edit/tank-dust.gif]
The T-34 Battle Tank fired its main cannon. It launched its 76 mm armor piercing shell through the stale air, slicing open a hole clear of dust. The second the tip of the iron shell touched the groumd---
---All three giant Burrow Spiders LUNGED!
*FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!*
Like a match touching the pool of crude oil, everything exploded into billowing flames. Anything caught in its rage were either vaporized or burnt to a clean crisp. Figures were dancing, but it was too censored to truly see the details.
<< Nello used 76 mm CANNON on Burrow Spider Gang. Super Critical Hit! >> << Dealt -5000 Blunt and Piercing Damage, and bonus -100 for Stealth Attack >> << Burrow Spider Gang are on fire! They received -50 ongoing Burn Damage. >> << Burrow Spider Gang are now prone. You have advantage over their bodies. >> << CONGRATULATIONS: You defeated the Burrow Spider Gang Lv. 20. Party Receives +9000 EXP. >> -----
<< __ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!!__ >>
~One Hit Wonder~
You took out a band of enemies with One Punch. You are now a hero for a hobby!
----- << WARNING: Your Alignment is Chaotic 'What-The-F**k-Woman!?'. Please seek counselling, now. >> << WARNING: Your Alignment is Chaotic 'What-The-F**k-Woman!?'. Please seek counselling, now. >> << WARNING: Your Alignment is Chaotic 'What-The-F**k-Woman!?'. Please seek counselling, now. >> << WARNING: Your Alignment is Chaotic 'What-The-F**k-Woman!?'. Please seek counselling, now. >> << WARNING: Your Alignment is Chaotic 'What-The-F**k-Woman!?'. Please seek counselling, now. >>
"...Why is the last messaging being repeated over and over?... is there a bug in the Notification System?"
In the end, there was nothing but this large black crater... and some fried legs rolling around like tumbleweed. As if not wanting to show she was in the mood, the Half-Elf turned away with a hand over her nose.
"... Auugh. I am so not in the mood for barbecue boar right now."
"... Cough... Ow... My nose is super hot right now..."
"I guess it makes it difficult to fire your nose in humid climates like that. Sorry about that, Nello."
"Maybe... I was born in Stalingrad where it was snowing all day... Now that I think about it, this place is really too warm for me."
"Nn. Once we finish this rescue operation, we'll go home and have a nice cold bath in the Lake House."
"... But Big Sis... I'll drown."
"I'll personally clean you with an iced towel♥"
"Yay!"
With a small giggle, Pastrache bit the insides of her cheeks to keep herself from vomitting. The air was dry before, not with the scent of fried... stuff, it made her stomach do somersault. So she hurriedly climbed back up across the Russian Tank, and tapped on his turret head as a signal to move on.
After revving up his engines, Nello proceeded to dip through the black crater, clear of any dangerous obstacles. There was a lot of crunching sound.
"... I don't think I can eat cereal for a month."
"What was that, Big Sis?"
"North... Keep going North... and fast... My stomach doesn't feel good."
"Okay Big Sis. I'll do my best."
"Aaaw. Nello is the best!... Hurk!"
And so, the T-34 Tank and Half ventured deeper into the Shadow Badlandes... on their way to complete their important mission.