:: Dear Diary…… I’m suddenly excited. I never thought I could ever be this happy in seeing this shady city in the middle of a barren wasteland and corpses hanging on the front gates like greeting bells… I’m not sure why I’m so eager to run in and say hello world….. F**k, i-is my delirioum status kicking in already!? SH*T! ::
[https://66.media.tumblr.com/572f45ad3ccb6622a0d8a75591cbb043/tumblr_pnr1czw6jv1wqnuuso1_1280.pnj]
"... Sh*t... It's a Trap."
"B-Big Sis... L-let's go home."
Nello was unnsure how to react.
In all his years (five days) in serving the former Soviet Army and in the Battle of Stalingrad, he was foced to see frightening things no baby tank should ever witness on their first day of roll out. He was used to trampling over enemy soldiers and rip through the armor of enemy tanks.
His job was to shoot and crush anyone who bared their fangs at his homeland in Stalingrad.
However, the poor baby tank felt like he was a fish out of water, when he walked into a city full of undead creatures.
"Rat f**king b*stards... d-did they intentionally write the words 'Free Water' as a way to lure us inside the wolf's den... The rotting @ssholes!"
"........................................"
"I hate to admit it, but this is pretty clever. Knowing that any living being would be desperate for water, the second they're offer the chance to just moisten their throats, they'll throw away all logic. It's the ultimate trap in a setting like this....I was too careless."
"......................................."
"Nello. Whatever you do, don't look at them. Just turn your eyes to the ground and back up, nice and slow. I-if I'm correct, Zombies won't react to you unless you make loud noises... So... whatever you do, don't scream or call out okay?"
"......................................."
"...............Nello? Psst? Nello! A-are you listening to me?"
"..............................Uuuh...S...So many dead people."
"N-Nello? Wh-what's the matter!? I-is it an earthquake!?"
The T-34-85 Russian Tank was shaking.
It didn't dare to switch on his engine, but his body was already rocking back and forth from whatever emotions he was experiencing.
The city was dead, literally. It was void of all life, not so much as a drunk man barrle his way back to his hotel or a stray dog scratching the dirt for food. But that didn't mean it was void of all movement.
"...Uwa-uwa..."
Everywhere the Tank would look, there were human figures and creatures prowling those bare streets.
SKELETONS walking around with a hat and neckrag, seeing who can shoot off each other's femur bone the fastest; ZOMBIE HORSES eating collected animal brains from wooden basins, a rotting caretaker pours in more... fresh meal; GHOULS crawling up walls to paint graffiti across the surface, with freshly collected humanlood; VAMPIRES playing the good old knife game and hand filleting their own fingers, laughing as the digits regenerate.
A regular day in the Wild West... only they were all dead.
And the Half-Elf and Tank were standing right at the edge of the front gates.
Maybe their Dex scores were higher than their WISDOM or Passive Perception, no one seemed to notice or take too much care to them standing in the open.
Seeing how 'occupied' the undead townspeople were, you could suit up in a gorilla suit, walk down the road, dance a bit, and no one will give a sh*t... They might even go, hey Bob, how's work (it's okay to run at that point, they know Bob isn't a people person).
The T-34 turned his turret head left... then right... left... then center. He made a decision.
"... Big Sis, I really need to pee."
"H-hold it in, Nello! W-we're going home RIGHT NOW. Y-you don't have to work hard today, okay?"
"B-but what do we do? I-I mean, I'm really scared b-but what about the Chieftain's daughter? We promised to bring her back home. I-I really want to help the Dog People!"
The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.
".......F**k! I hate heroic dilemmas!"
"Th-this place doesn't look so nice... an-and we can't just leave Lily Tiger here... what if she gets eaten by the wierd horses... I would feel bad."
"... Nello...Why...just when I was about to get out of this messed up assignemnt, why are you pulling me back in!?"
The Tank from WW2 turned around with his turret head.
Most people at this point, would have the urge to just open up and unload the whole cartridge of the onboard DT anti-infantry Machine gun, and go ham with the 3 meter tank cannon.
However, Nello wasn't most people. He would feel bad if his enemy didn't have a fighting chance... that, or he was confused as to who to really shoot, without someone smart to tell him which were the true targets in the war.
Not to mention, undead people going about their daily lives... shooting each other's hip bones off, or tossing knifes to see how many flip its can do before it landed through their skull. Even Tarot cards were used in place of regular poker cards, and preserved colored eye balls in place of regular poker chips.
It was a truly evil place... but they were just lazing around like any evil person.
"Big Sis... Can we at least come back when it's day again?"
"According to my Notification Screen, it's 6:30 AM in the morning. The only reason why it look so dark out here, is the natural weather phenomon that bolsters the stats of Undead Creatures. Essentially, this is a country meant for liches, zombies, and vampires... It's either now, or never. I honestly vote never."
"...Uwa-uwa-uwa. I-I'm not good with night battles."
"Neither am I when I'm drunk in a bar full of lonely men. My body gets sore in the morning from throwing them out the windows and cr*p."
"So...what should we do? Th-there's no window for us to use."
"... I suggest we walk out. Slowly. Find a cactus that doesn't belong to a Mega Burrowing Spider and have a proper war meeting. Then go home. At least, we can tell the Chieftain, we 'attempted' to rescue his daughter, but the opposition was too heavy."
"... Wouldn't that be lying?"
"Do you want to go in there and ask if they've seen a little puppy girl, Nello?"
"....................................................................Can I do it tomorrow?"
"Then let's go home."
"A-after the war meeting right?"
"F**k it. Let's skip that battle phase and go home."
".......O-okay. W-we'll be right back Lily Tiger!"
"NELLO! What did I just say!? Retreat, quietly! Sssssh!"
The 3 meter cannon nodded at the Half-Elf and proceeded to back away. Running his engine at the lowest power possible the tank began to move in reverse to try and leave the city all together. Doing the same with minimum energy, the Half-Elf began to walk backwards herself. They were about to successfully exit out of the non combat situation....
If only the same Scottish Terrier they found in the desert didn't up and pee on Pastrache's other boot.
"F**K YOU, TOTO! GO PEE ON A REGULAR FIRE FOUNTAIN! DO YOU KNOW HOW RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE THESE DESIGNER BOOTS ARE!? I'LL F**KING NEUTER YOU, YA LITTLE---NELLO! STOP TAPPING MY SHOULDER WITH YOUR NOSE! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M IN MOURNING OVER MY SHOES!?"
"Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis..."
"...Nello. Why do you sound like I stepped on a mouse's tail. I'm not that viol----Son of a b---"
<< Skeleton Ranchers Lv 30 Detected You. >> << Ghoul Delinquents Lv 25 Detected You. >> << Vampire Cowboys Lv 50 Detected You. >> << Zombie Mustangs Lv 40 Detected You. >> << Lich Head Marshall Lv 70 Detected You. >> << Necromage Sheriff Lv 60 Detected You. >> << Lil'Franken Deputy Lv 15 Detected You. >> << Saloon Keeper Sadako Lv 150 Detected You. >> -----
{__ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!!__}
~Foxhound Dropout~
You did something incredibly stupid to make everyone notice you. Bravo.
Iron Snake Called, he wants your Badge back.
"...F******************************************k."
"...B-Big Sis... they're staring at us... What do we do?"
The daily life in the Undead Town, came to a halt.
Skeletons stopped shooting each other in the femur, Zombie Horses didn't bother to eat more fresh brains, the Ghouls were hanging still from their ledges frozen in mid-graffiti, Vampires missed their timing and stuffed knifes through their hands. Even a woman with long black hair crawled out from under the space of the swinging double doors to her saloon to see what was going on.
... They turned from their lazy routine... to a certain Adventurer and a big round Tank.
A Mexican Standoff.
[http://i.imgur.com/1Puk2XQ.gif]
... Before anyone could twitch for their claws, fangs, or rusted matchlock pistols.
The T-34 drew first... and popped open his crew hatch.
"Quick! Big Sis! Climb inside me!"
"OH MY GODDESS, I LOVE YOU NELLO!"
Pastrache bolted up the armor and dove into the crew compartment, breaking a new record. But she didn't get her long legs inside, when a volley of matchlock bullets, rusted crossbow bolts, and lich bolts started to bounce off the Tank's armor.
And so begins... the march of the Wild West Dead.
"CHARGE THEM! CHARGE THEM! RUN THEM OVER WITH YOUR IRON WHEELS! SHOOT THEM!"
"I-I'M TOO SCARED TO DO THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!"