:: Dear Diary..... I regret thinking I was bored. I ended up wasting my entire day in reading a contract as thick as my thigh AND arm. By the time I got to page 20 and reading the size nine acrylic font, my eyes burn. I don’t know if I can see anything farther than 10 feet now – and I have elven blood running in me!!…Sob. Ancestors, I’m sorry. Being born as a Half-Elf has hurt your bloodlline, now this Dwarf Woman making me read three phone books in one sitting is removing my last shred of pride I have for you…Sob...F**K, DIARY WHY ARE YOU SMIRKING!? ::
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<< You received ongoing -20 Psychological Damage. Your Intlligence Score has decreased by 2. >> << Your Mental Health has reached critical. Please take up another hobby and recover. >> << Your Reeding Speed has decreased from 100 Words / Minutes to 10 Word / Hour. >>
“For Goddess sake, Pointy-Ears. Stop crying like a sullied woman and read. The next page is Division 525, Arrangement for Next of Kin in case of a Fatal Accident.”
“N…no more… my eyes… my hands… my body… even my lips… th-they’re worn and chapped… l…let me go… I…I want to see the light of day again…. M…my youuuuuuth (TдT).”
“Oh buck up, little Elf. If you seriously read through the entire thing, you will be done before the next sun rise. Stop procrastinating.”
The Dwarf Clerk clicked her tongue.
She was taking time off from her duties as a Guild Receptionist in order to train a certain Half-Elf in the Art of Reading Fine Print. She had dragged her cute and sorry @ss into her ‘private staff lounge’ that was specifically her resting area for long work hours and long graveyard shifts.
The room was re-purposed so the Guild Clerk could also drag in any member of the Guild who have been misbehaving or acting especially rude to their own receptionist, and properly ‘re-program them’. So ignore the mace, the whip, the cat-o-nine flog and some questionable chains and leather straps, they’re only for the bad boys and girls in the guild hall.
However, due to a certain arrival of a certain Half-Elf girl, she re-re-purposed this rest / torture / discipline chamber into a make shift lecture room. A classic film projector was inside, but sitting in a corner right now. The Dwarf Clerk had clear her coffee table for Pastrache to collapse over it, the latter's face buried in the bosom of a opened contract book.
As mentioned, it was as thick as the Half-Elf’s full thighs and an arm.
“No matter where you go, the rules and regulations for being an Adventurer are all the same. This format you’ve signed can be found on the Ethereal Net Drive system. Heck, the Guild Manager downloaded this copy and has been using it ever since it was put into service 15 years ago… There’s very little ammendments to the contract, so reading the copy here is universally the same as any other Guild you would transfer to the future. Now finish it.”
“…I am finished. M-my body can’t take it any more. M-my brain is splitting in places no woman should ever dream of splitting… i-is my face melting in a weird way.”
“Not the way I want. There's no buring lust at all.”
“.........Wh-What?”
“Read.”
<< Dwarf Clerk cast non-magical COMMAND on you.>> << You are forced to follow her instructions. Super Effective. >>
“Sob. Spare meeeeeeee..."”
The Dwarf Clerk ignored the Half-Elf’s whine, all the while sitting on another counter. She had the expression a school teacher would give to a child in detention, and she crossed her short legs the same way a dominatrix would to earn absolute obedience in the situation.
The icing on the cake was the horsewhip she had in one hand, and tapping the leather flap end into her other palm.
Even if the Half-Elf was two times her size, the fire of rebellion could never ignited under these circumstances. Like wet powder.
Win the war before it starts. Genius (#SunTzuProud).
“… Say, Elf.”
“Half-Elf……..Somehow I wanted to say something cool to make myself feel better, but remembing I’m half-blooded has only make me more depressed…Sob…”
“Stop crying on the pages. If you get them wet, I’ll produce another copy for you to read, BEFORE you sign…From the beginning.”
“…………..Sniff.”
The Dwarf Clerk let out a long sigh. Something was troubling her, and it wasn’t the fact that someone outside at the reception desk was hitting the bell over and over again to get some service. She simply ignored it, and looked at the Half-Girl resisting the urge to cry from reading her Adventuring contract.
“The friend, that you mentioned before. Nello was it? Why isn’t he a registered Adventurer?”
“Hmm?... Oh, Nello. Right. Well, it’s hard to say without spooking you… rather, hard to say without convincing you I’m not crazy.”
Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.
“(If you take off your top three buttons, you have my undivided attention.)”
“…Sorry, I didn’t hear you. You were mumbling again.”
“Try me. Cough.”
Pastrache took a break from reading the nine point font of the contract she had opened like a phone book on the table. She stretched her arms above her head, which let her soft bosom puff out in the right direction. There were zero men inside the room of two woman, yet there was a pair of hungry eyes staring like a lion to a zebra.
“Nello is… well… he’s not from our world.”
“Oh. Another Transmigrator? Honestly, I see them coming in like waves ever since our kingdom has opened up the Immigration Acts beyond the border of our reality. It's because they keep miscalculating the true population of the nation that they've falsely estimated a sharp decline in birth rates. Knowing that they royal government are now dragging in horny humans from the Other World as a form of solution, just p*sses me off. Not every Elf, Dwarf, or lady monster wants to do it like rabbits!"
“Hmm. I agree. Humans can be nice, but 99% of them are just rat b@stards - especially the guys. If they don't try and coerce you to become their 'love slave' or 'harem concubine' it's definitely them taking advantage of you as a weapon when they go on a grand quest! Why just the other day, some @sshole human from the other world thought he was the Goddess's chosen champion and forced me to join his team, and be his mate!"
"What did you do?"
"I kicked his @ss and dropped him in front of the Royal Constables."
"Good call. Don't let these humans from the other world get the best of us!"
"Here, here!"
On that... note, the Dwarf Clerk and Half-Elf Girl exchanged high fives... then the former shoved the latter's face down to continue reading the contract. Looks like break was over, shrug.
“...Wait. Hold on for a second, Pointy Ears. If you say 99% of the otherwordly humans you meet are terrible or carrying perverted ideals... Why do you sound so familiar with this Nello person?"
"Well. Nello is different. He's really sweet. He even saved me from becoming a community wife for Dire Wolves. That should mean something, right?"
"That's just a front. You know he's faking sweet innocence and being the hero in your messed up fantasies, just so he could lower your defenses. The moment he gets you drunk or forcefully drugs you with Dragon Whisker powder to render you completely vulnerable - he will ram you inside out until you're nothing but a hot slobbering mess!"
"................................Pfffft."
“I’M SERIOUS! All HUMANS FROM THAT F**KING WORLD CALLED EARTH ARE NOTHING BUT DEVIANTS WHO WANT TO MAKE THEIR OWN HAREM! SO WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING!?”
“Pa-ha-ha-ha-ha! I-I’m sorry! I-I’m super sorry! B-but, but imagining Nello being evil and taking advantage of me…Pffffhaahahahaha! H-he’s the type of person who feels incredibly guilty in running over a cockroach! Ha-ha-ha!”
“…R…running over? D-don’t tell me… He’s a transmigrated Shape-shifting car?”
“No. Nello’s a Tank from Stalingrad.”
“……………………………………………………………………………………”
The Dwarf Clerk didn’t know what to say.
The reality the two fantasical ladies could be found was different than the, ahem, 'Other World'. The idea of World War any number or advanced scientifice and digital technology did not exist in their field of reality. So it would make sense even a Dwarf Receptionship of an Adventuring Guild would not recognize what a 'tank' was...
... Yet she had this awkward stare on her face. Awkward as in she suddenly left the table, went to her bookshelf, pulled out a large hand-carved wooden tablet, and showed it to the Half-Elf.
The engravings of what looked like an awkward looking rhombus that was rolling on its side...
...A British Mark V Tank from World War 1.
<< Accessing COGEZ ROOM CAMERA for 'Travelling Reader'........................... COMPLETE >> [https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/02/British_Mark_V_%28male%29_tank.jpg]
“So, a tank like this?”
“Hmm, no, no. He’s much bigger than this puny guy. Uuuh, has thicker armor, looks more like a shoe box than a diamond, with a head sitting on top and can turn a full circle and one super long nose about… this big.”
Pastrache held up one hand to her maximum reach. She then fidgeted in her seat in an awkward angle, so she could raise her beautiful leg at maximum reach. Palm to sole, do the math.
“Just add one more of my leg to the measurement and that’s how long his nose is.”
“........ Liar. You made that up.”
“SAYS THE WOMAN WHO PULLED OUT A DIAGRAM OF A RIDICULOUS LOOKING DIAMOND TOP!”
“THIS, IS THE REAL DEAL! I SAW THIS CREATURE WITH MY OWN EYES! IT FELL IN MY GRANDFATHER’S VEGETABLE PATCH AND IT WAS ALL SMASHED UP AND SH*T WITH HOLES AND MUD!”
“OH YEAH! WELL HOW COME NO ONE HAS EVER HEARD ABOUT THIS PHENOMENON IN THE PAPERS, HAH!?”
“BECAUSE GRANDPAPPY BRONZEKILT REALIZED THE MUD FROM THE TANK WAS RICH WITH NEWFOUND NUTRIENTS, AND KEPT IT SECRET SO HE COULD WIN THE VEGETABLE GROWING COMPETITION!”
“THEN WHAT HAPPENED!?”
“THANKS TO THE MUD FROM THE TRANSMIGRATED CREATURE, HE WON THE GRAND PRIZE! 10 YEARS IN A ROW! IT PAID OFF HIS MORTGAGE, GRANDMAMMY CAME BACK TO HIM, AND HE FINALLY ENTERED RETIREMENT AT THE AGE OF 120!”
“WHY ARE WE YELLING OVER SOMETHING SO STUPID!?”
“BECAUSE MY OFFICE IS RIGHT BEHIND A D*MN KITCEHN AND IT’S THE LUNCH HOUR RUSH! THE KITCHEN IS SHORT-STAFFED AGAIN AND IT’S ALWAYS A BATTLE ZONE BETWEEN THE CHEF, THE SOUS CHEF, AND THE WAITING STAFF! ESPECIALLY WHEN THE HEAD CHEF SHOUTS RED TEAM, BLUE TEAM, AND DONKY ALL DAY LONG! NOW GO DRINK SOME WATER!”
“DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! YOU’RE NOT MY MOTHER!”
“I’M SERIOUS! WITH THE KITCHEN RUNNING AT FULL HEAT, IT WILL INCREASE THE TEMPERATURE IN THIS STUFFY ROOM! STAY HYDRATED OR WE’LL BOTH SERIOUSLY BECOME DELIRIOUS!”
“…..F**K THIS!”
“WHAT?”
“I SAID F**K THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!”
<< One Day Later >>
“Oh! Big Sis is back! I-I was so worried that you didn’t show up when the sun came down and is rising back up! H-how did it go? Did we get a new job?”
“……..F**k…”
“How come Big Sis sounds like a sick frog?”
".........F**k..."