“Umm…Anne…Why is Big Sis crying even when she’s asleep. Did something happen?”
[QAZTGB__SOBRFVEDC__FESTPLM]
Nello was confused that evening.
It wasn’t the fact how he saw the sky was turning from blue to green to orange to purple, pink, then indigo right before it shifted into a bluish-black night color. Neither was it the flock of pigs with falcon wings taking to the sky in a V-Wing Formation.
It was because his best friend was found curled up across the grass, fast asleep in the open. Normally, he knew she would rather spend the night inside of his tummy (read: crew compartment) as it was a safer alternate than setting up a tarp and tent to camp out in the middle of the cold empty road.
Not to mention, clenched in her arms was the Hologram Girl that was her living diary. For some reason, the Half-Elf had these thick trails of tears stained on her small face.
“Anne. Please tell me, what happened to Big Sis? Was it something bad?”
[EDXYHN__DONTQAZ__ASKWSX]
“I have to know. I-I want to help Big Sis. I-if someone is bullying her, th-then I have to tell them it’s not nice… E-even if it’s a German Tiger Tank, I-I won’t be scared and run away. I-I will tell him to s-s-s-s-stop p-picking on Big Sis!”
[TGB__STUPIDUHB]
“Th-that’s mean!”
The Hologram Girl sighed. She tried to wriggle her body out of Pastrache’s sleeping hug with the flexibility of a crossbreed between a cobra and a caterpillar (#GoodGodInHeaven). After her 55th attempt, she failed. Worse, the Half-Elf’s arms was wrapped around her chest, in a way that compressed on her lungs so she had trouble breathing… Hold the bus, this character was a hologram!
“Do…Do you want some help?”
[TGBYHN__NOWSX__DIYQAZ__!!!!]
“…I-I don’t know what you just said but… do your best.”
[UJM__IDIOTRFV]
“…Sob.”
Nello the T-34 Tank let out a noise like a boy who was being picked on by a girl in the playground. All the while the Hologram Girl ignored his wailing as she struggled to attempt her 56th escape. After seeing a breakthrough by plucking one arm out, she then ended up failing to yank her small hips out of Pastrache’s grip.
The Hologram Girl made a noise that was akin to cursing, but due to her voice box being on an alternate frequency, it sounded like a radio switched through 10 different channels back and forth.
No one understood her pain.
“I-I can’t help you. Here, use my—UGYAAAG! D-DON’T SLAP MY NOSE IT HURTS!”
[DIY__DIY__DIYWSXEDCUJM__!!!!!!!!!]
“Uuuuuugh…But…I don’t get it. Why is Big Sis crying and sleeping outside. She’ll catch a cold.”
[…………………………………………………]
“She told me she was only going to step away for a minute, so she could talk to you in private. I-I don’t know why she suddenly wanted to talk to you, but she looked super sad right before leaving me behind.”
[………………………………………………..]
“Please Anne. Tell me what happened. I-I really want to know. Maybe there is something I can do to help?”
[…………………………….SIGHWSX…]
The Holographic Girl wrapped under the Half-Elf’s arms clicked her tongue. She failed to escape for the 57th time and made no progress in moving her hips out of Pastrache’s hold. Feeling that there was no escape from this situation, she eventually gave up and accept defeat.
[….*Vvvvvvvv* - *Bzzzzzt* - *Click*-----Dear Diary…..Say, do you think I’m really a slut?]
“OH! B-BIG SIS IS TALKING!.......B-B-BUT, SHE-SHE’S NOT EVEN AWAKE!”
Nello heard a familiar sound, despite the fact he was a Tank born during the Battle of Stalingrad 1943. It was the noise an audio recorder would make, where the operator would rewind the tap *Vvvvvvvv*, stop the track at a certain point *Click* and then play the recording.
A recording of Pastrache’s voice.
Every time her voice spoke out into the air, the Hologram Girl would move her lips to sync with the vocal patterns. A living diary replaying a precious audio log made by her owner… not too long ago.
“B-Big Sis? C-can you hear me? Uwaa, so confusing. Sh-she’s sleeping right in front of me, but, but Anne is talking in Big Sis’s voice. Wh-what is going on!? (@x@)”
[…Diary, is it wrong to wear pretty clothing? I mean, I know I don’t have money to make myself look like a duchess or something, but I still have the right to look nice, don’t you think?…So, why does everyone think I’m intentionally wearing ‘skimpy’ outfits just so I can ‘nail a man’ for benefits…]
“…Heh?”
[I mean, why talk about my appearance? Has anyone else ever paid attention to the women of my guild? The Ranger shows off her thighs and her midriff like some kind of belly dancer. Barbarian Class warriors always adopt bikinis from micro, slingshot, to obscene dental floss. Even the Mages and Priestess wear clothing that’s practically see-through, their robes are just super long negligees! S-so why is everyone respecting them but think I’m the walking wh*re!?]
“……………………………………………..B…Big Sis, you’re not a who…Anne, what’s that?”
[I don’t get it… I honestly don’t get it, Diary. Why do all the guys think I would go to bed with just about anyone. And to say that I’m a gold-digger, above all things! Do they not understand how f**king expensive the economy is right now!? Just last week, Monster Repellent were sold at 10 GP and now they’re inflated to 100 GP in just seven days! D*mn it, even the rent in the city is ridiculous, it would brankrupt even a Tier 2 Adventurer without a discount! Of course I have to be smart and be a penny-pincher, I don’t want to sleep on the streets!]
“………………. Um. Big Sis, you could always sleep in my tummy. I-I don’t mi—“
[…Sniff…Hey Diary… tell me… Do I really look like a slut… I-I’m not revealing my cleavage so-so I could get guys to look at me, n-neither do I wear stockings to ignite men’s fantasy…I-I don’t even like it when the other girls pinch my @ss and whisper vulgar things into my ears… I…I’m not a slut! I’m not a wh*re! I-I’m not a prostitute god-d*mn it!]
“…………………………………………………………………………..”
[… Please, Diary. Please get a real voice and tell those @sshole in my own Guild that I didn’t sleep with 1265 men twice. You've been by my since I was five years old, so you would know what kind of person I am!… I-I’m not….sniff… I’m not that kind of loose girl everyone thinks I am…Uuuh….Aaahuuhh….I…I wish I can hug Nello… I really want to hold him and hear him tell me something nice and kind… but I can’t say it, I can’t tell him the things I hear every time I go back to the Guild… I… I just can’t…]
“…………………………………………………………………………”
[Sniff…uuuh…D*mn it all, Diary, s-stop walking away from me and listen to me properly! Sniff! Come and give me a hug for crying out loud, you little br—*CLICK*]
With a small sound, the recording of the day ended there. Thus, why a certain Half-Elf was curled up and squeezing the body of the Holographic Diary… her face painted in sorrow and dried tears.
“…………………………………………………………………………………”
[………………TGBUJM__UNDERSTANDQAZ?]
“Nnn…I get it now.”
[……………..?????__WHERETGB__GOINGQAZ__?????]
“Anne…Did Big Sis ever tell you where these people from her Guild would often go?”
[…………….YES---- *Vvvvvv* *Bzzzzt* *Click*-----Hey Diary, it’s me. I passed by a couple of @ssholes from the Guild I work with while on my way to find a job request from the main hall and they---]
----------------------------------------
<< Your Party has left the Sycamore Ruins. Would you like to Rest for the Night? (Y/N) >>
=> (A) Yes << Setting up Base Camp Point. Your Ether Files have been Saved. >>
“Hey guys. You know about that new Elf girl who joined the guild, She’s hot.”
“Hmm? Oh you mean the Thigh Goddess Pasta? Yeah, I dream about her every night.”
“Not to mention, just the way you imagine how her face will melt with pleasure as she eggs you on to go harder is a satisfying image right? Ha-ha-ha.”
Somewhere along a certain road, there was a band of hard working Adventurers.
They consisted of a Mopey-looking Ranger, a Starry-Eyed Fighter, and an Baby-Boomer Priest with too much years of experience under his belt. As it was already past the curfew established by the capital city, they had no choice but to camp out for the night and wait for morning to return to the Guild to collect their mission reward.
As it was a long night and none of them were that tired, they decided to gather around the fireplace to make hot cocoa. Even though it was close to midnight, they were not in the mood to tell ghost stories. Rather, they wanted to talk about 'other stories'.
“Say, Mopey Ranger. Ever thought of dating that Pasta girl? Surely her bed experience will give you a run for your money.”
“Yeah, I kind of thought about it Mr. Sword-Swinger, but you know... She's more than second hand, you know what I'm saying?"
"Ah, I heard about that from the Guild Paladin. Said she's already shared a bed with hundreds of guys. I bet her morals are looser than her skirt. Ha!"
The Priest gave a heart laugh as if he told everyone a silly joke about two Orc walking into a bar. The Ranger would stoke the fire with his iron arrow and the Fighter nibbling on his rations, both of them chuckling at that 'joke'.
"Come on, Sir Ranger. Surely you know better. You're definitely no saint when it comes to playing around with women."
"Now I confess, Mr. Priest, that I have been with both guys and girls, but I too have my own principles. Any women who's been with more than three guys in one week is a no - no."
"...Hmm. You guys worry about whether or not she has zero virtue. But I'm more concerned whether she's, you know... tainted. I mean, we do have Dragonborn and Tieflings in our Guild. Who knows what funky status they've have after messing around with 'other species', don't you think so?"
This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.
When the Fighter brought up that small point, the Ranger and Priest made a 'ah' sound. They ended up nodding together, agreeing to the seriousness of that thought. As if hitting a dead in while finding the solution of a complex Sudoku puzzle, they mulled it over with chins in their palms. All the while waiting for the kettle to boil.
... Then the Priest had this idea.
"I have an idea, cough... Would you two stop playing around with your toys and listen to me?"
"I don't know, Mr. Priest. It's already past midnight and the fire's not working on the makeshift pot you're using to boil the water. I think I'll turn in for the night. You guys can have my share of cocoa. I'm out."
"I agree with the mopey looking Ranger. I ran out of messaging scrolls to call my girlfriend and she must be p*ssed for not returning her dove messages. I have to make an early dash to the city or else she'll break up with me for good."
"Why don't we ask that Thigh Goddess to join our party!?"
"................ I don't know. She's hot and all, but super weak. Given her current combat level, she's pretty useless in a Level 20 raid."
"I concur. The last thing I want is her to get in my way when I'm swinging my bastard sword...I can't even say bastard in front of her, she'll start going into a perverted rambling to get my attention."
"Ahem. I meant 'join our party of three'..."
".........................................???"
".........................................???"
"......And then some."
"OH! THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!"
"H*LL YEAH! IT'S NOT LIKE SHE'LL CARE!"
As if confirming to how much of idiots these three high level adventurers were, the pot they were using to cook the water was reaching a boiling point. It so wanted to up and explode in their faces, and melt their sh*t eating grins off from a lecherous ideaology they carried with pride.
Unfortunately, the Mopey-looking Ranger plucked the little pot off the fire before it could erupt and deal serious amount of damage. Its fuel full of bubbling fury, was candidly dumbed out to fill three mugs full of prepared instant cocao powder.
"I said I've done it with a men and woman, but I never thought 'at the same time'. I can definitely cross off that idea from my bucket list!"
"Screw my girlfriend. What guy wouldn't want to party with girl like that Thigh Goddess, and then some. Count me in, old man!"
"Then it's decided! For fame, glory - and hot women!"
"You go, old timer!"
"Here, here!"
*SMAAAAAASH!*
Three iron cups full of hot cocao were slammed together. It was to carry on the cheer of the three idiot Adventurers who felt confident in their elaborate plane to 'play with' a certain innocent and chaste Half-Elf Girl. Obviously, they would be happy enough to throw their cups into each other for the contents to spill, of course.
But maybe they were too excited. The second they tapped their cups together, they shattered.
That, or there was a large muzzle of a 76 mm cannon that go in their way and their cups smashed onto its body instead. Thus, shattering them and spilling boiling cocoa everywhere.
The pain wasn't enough to bring the three idiot adventurers out of their dumbfounded stare.
".................. Are you three from Big Sis's Guild?"
"..........................................."
"..........................................."
"..........................................."
"................. You were saying a lot of mean things about her. Please take it all back."
"..........................................."
"..........................................."
".................................What?"
"TAKE BACK WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT BIG SIS, YOU BULLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIES!"
A monster. A beast. Never in the three Adventurer's life as wandering heroes have they ever seen such a magnificant creature. A mutant crossbreed between an Mountain Ogre and Rhino Beetle. With a body covered from bow to stern in in-organic iron, wielding a long iron lance that could pierce through a stone wall---
---The Iron Monster lunged at the Heroes!
"SKILL ACTIVATE! BONE CRUSH---"
*THWACK!*
<< UNKNOWN used IRON BARREL(???) on you. Dealt -1000 Bludgeoning Damage. >> << Your Health Points are now -10 / 990. >> << Your Status is now Prone: Enemies have Advantage over your body. >> << WARNING: Your Health Points is below Critical. You Fainted. >>
".....Gg..gagagkku..."
The Fighter was the first to go down. Among the team he was the one with the highest Reflex score. So it was obvious he would have attempted to activate his one hit special Attack Skill that could deal 100 points worth of damage to one target within his eye sight.
The second he moved his ankle to start standing up, however, a certain cannon muzzle had already swung and smoked him in the head. Like the swing of a homerun battle into a baseball.
...A non-lethal maneuver of course. His body could be seen engraved 10 inch deep across the face of a boulder.
"... H-HOLY SH*T! M-MR. PRIEST! TH-THIS THING JUST TURNED OUR FIGHTER INTO PUBLIC ART!"
"E-EVASIVE MANEUVERS! EVASIVE MANEUVERS!"
Before the remaining two Adventurers could move, the Iron Beast took its action first. The iron caterpillar tracks spung to life, something deep in its belly roaring like a chorus of lions, and thick grey smoke shot out from its spine. The monster of iron charged at them, trampling over the campfire, their gear, and their bedrolls they unfolded so neatly.
All save for one pot that was originally used to boil water.
"AOE SPELL - SHADOW VOLLEY! FIRE! FIIIIIRE!"
The Ranger said those words as he fumbled for his exotic gold and silver bow. Loading a crystal arrow to the string he pulled it back to the point where some twines burst before releasing it, eyes wider than a deer in the headlights. The second the arrow ignited with a flame the color of amethyst he was able to smile.
Because it exploded, and a shower of magical purple darts came crashing down like a volley of missiles! With the fury of an aerial gunship!
<< You used Area of Effect Skill - SHADOW VOLLEY Lv 20. >> << You dealt -0 Piercing and Burning Damage. >> << It was not very effective. >>
"....................Wh-WHAT!?"
Just as the Mopey-looking Ranger gasped at those very words, he choked on his own breath as to what he saw. The Clouds that were kicked up by his Shadow Arrows cleared... the entire field in a 10 meter radius stabbed with glimmering purple darts the length of an Olympic Javelin.
They all stood on the earth like a series of gravestone...All except for one pile of those purple arrows rolling off the steel carapace of the iron beast. Not a single scratch. The long 'iron stick' in his head that acted as an eye just wiggled the arrows off.
If this was truly a turn based strategy game - it was the metal beast's turn.
*RA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA!*
"UGYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGG!"
"MOPEY RANGEEEEER! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
The Priest was the last man standing. Watching his own comrade be swallowed up in a hail of shining bullets, his stomach sank. In all his many years in fighting and raising experience as a Priest who specialized in the Healing Arts, there was nothing a man could do to save someone who was turned into a beehive.
So, he was the last man standing.
"....................Ranger...Fighter...... This Priest of the Goddess of Honor shall avenge you..........URYAAAAAAH!"
<< You have Disengaged from Battle. You are able to Flee the Combat Zone. >>
"FORGIVE ME, MY FRIENDS! BUT I'M JUST AN OLD MAN WITH ZERO PHYSICAL PROWESS! AND I HAVE A PENSION TO THINK ABOUUUUUUUUUUUUT!"
With that, the last Heroic Adventurer turned tail and bolted.
His movements were faster than a Jaguar in full sprint for the hunt. Despite the man's over the top age, he was able to possibly out run the fastest man on earth. Of course, due to this occasion it was a one-time only. The Baby Boomber Priest knew that the next time he tried this stunt, he'll surely throw out a hip and may end up in a senior home ealirer than he exp--
*VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!*
"Hmm--GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Hearing an odd noise, the Baby Boomber running from the battlefield couldn't help but turn around. After being an Adventurer of so many years, surely he would know never to look behind you when you're running away from something that could potentially kill you.
"NOOOO! NOOOOO! PLEASE STAY AWAY! BACK DEMON! BACK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
The Iron Beast was right on his tail. The Priest was fast, given with an extra shot of adrenaline, even faster than an average man. But no matter what, everyone in our world knew you could never out run a motorized vehicle.
Even if it was an old World War 2 tank that ran at a maximum 53 km / hour.
"GODDESS OF HONOR! I WAS WRONG! I'M SORRYING FOR DITCHING MY COMRADES WHEN THEY NEEDED ME MOST! PLEASE FORGIVE ME, AND CAST SUPREME LIGHTNING FROM THE SKY OR THUNDER FROM THE CLOUDS ONTO THIS IRON DEM---Guwooh!?"
The Baby Boomer Priest made an awkward sound. Maybe it was because he was too busy praying to his Goddess (who was properly waving her finger going 'tsk, tsk, tsk') and didn't see the upturn root on the road. Of course he fell over, on his face.
With a crack, an OOF, and a bloody nose, the Priest ended up trapped right in front of the pursuing monster. The more its caterpillar tracks marched the louder he could hear its demonic bellowing gurgling inside of its iron gut.
"G-gegh-gegggaugg---HOLY SHIELD! ST. LACRIMA PENDANT!"
In a last ditch effort to save his skin, the Baby Boomer Priest shot out his hand. It clutched onto a short church staff with a diamond-shape gemstone on the head. The ornament quickly glowed and released a violent golden light into the air. With a wave of magic, it quickly formed a compact and 10 inch thick barrier framed together like the images of a Kaleidoscope. With holy patterns and sacred runes glittering on it, the shield stood its ground to protect the caster.
A magical anti-everything field.
"...H...ha-ha...HA-HA-HA! Y-YOU LOST, MONSTER! NOT EVEN A LEVEL 30 BRONZE DRAGON COULD G-GET THROUGH THIS IMPREGNABLE SHIELD! S-SURRENDER NOW AND TURN YOUR EYES TO MY GODDE---"
<< WARNING: Holy Shield Spell reaching 350% over Critical. All Systems Overloading. >> << Shield Spell Failed. Received too much damage. >> << You cannot cast this spell again in the next 24 hours.
"...F**k....FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU--"
After the Iron Beast casually ran through the Level 30 Holy Barrier like a pane of sugar glass, it proceeded to run the man over under its tracks.
Drowning out whatever noise the last Heroic Adventurer was trying to make towards his disappointed Goddess.
..............
..............
"..... Uwaaaah. D-did I overdo it?"
The voice of a small boy echoed in the road side that night. Even when all the Heroes were completely defeated, there was no one there to gloat over this one-sided victory. Just this large iron beast that looked like a shoebox with a long pole sticking out like a straight beak.
The creature suddenly pulled in reverse, slowly. Despite all the carnage, it looked like it was scared it would crush a bunny or cockroach under its tracks. In doing so, it showed the mess he made under its feet.
".........Brbbrbrbrbrbrbrbr."
The Baby Boomber Priest was foaming from the mouth. His mangled body could be found tucked into a human ball, clearly in between the heaviest set of tracks in the forest. From head to toe, not a limb nor hair were crushed under 90 tons worth of metal and motor.
".....Aaah...aaaaahhhuuh..."
The iron beast continued to move in reverse, passing by a half-dead tree. Curled up at the base was the Mopey-Looking Ranger, shaking like a hamster about to be swallowed by a cobra. A series of fresh bullet holes carved a silhouette around his tiny shape, some of it piercing through his cloak and hood. Other than the cut on his cheek from splinters flying everywhere, he was unharmed. Shellshocked, yes, but nonetheless unscatched.
".....G...guug."
Last, the sound of a certain Starry-Eyed Fighter moaned into the cold air. The iron beast had turned around on its tracks to give him a good look, seeing him engraved deep into the face of a bolder with his arms and legs mimicking the angles of an Egyptian heiroglyph.
".............I'm sorry for doing this. But what you said about Big Sis made me really mad...Y-you don't w-want to make me mad, s-so...Don't bully Big Sis any more!"
With that... the iron beast that had demolished three Level 20 heroes in a matter of 60 seconds fled the scene. It wasn't like RPG-based police was going to come and do anything, and the three victims weren't even dead - just need a lot of physcological therapy after this nightmare of an encounter.
However, what scared the monster most was---
----------------------------------------
"Nello! I'm mad. Really mad! Where have you been all night! Big Sister was worried pantless about you!
"S-sorry Big Sis, I... got lost."
"Don't lie to me! When a child says he's going out to get some candy from the market, they don't come back as if they rolled around in a puddle of mud for kciks and giggles. I'll let you think it over before lying to me again."
"............ I got super lost."
"Nello, be honest and tell me straight... W...were you out tomcatting with another carriage?"
"...What's tomcatting?"
"Oh good Goddess, Nello's purity is still intact. I-I wouldn't know what to do if you came back with a blushing coach carriage towing behind a bouncing baby wagon."
"......... Big Sis is making fun of me."
"Sigh. Well, now you're here I guess we should prepare for our next mission. This one is going to be tough, so we have to upgrad and---WHAT THE F**K!?"
"...What's wrong, Big Sis? You look super mad right now."
"NELLO! WHY IS YOUR STATS CONGRATULATING THAT YOU GAINED OVER 10 000 EXP!? AND WHAT IS THIS 'KILLIMANJARO' ACHIEVEMENT BLINKING IN MY FACE!?"
".......STATS! I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, BUT YOU'RE A TRAITOR TO RUSSIAAAAAA!"
"DON'T PUSH THE BLAME ON A CHARACTER UPGRADE SYSTEM, NELLO! NOW LOOK ME IN THE EYE WITH YOUR NOSE! DID YOU GO OUT AND GRIND FOR EXPERIENCE POINTS WITHOUT ME!? WE'RE A TEAM, A FAMILY REMEMBER!? WH-WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF A MONSTER HAD THE UPPER ADVANTAGE IF I WASN'T AT YOUR SIDE! I WOULD NEVER LIVE WITH MYSELF IF A BLUSHING MANTICORE BRIDE DRAGGED YOU BACK WITH A BOUNCING SCORPION-LION BABY ON YOUR HEAD!"
"UWAAAAH! PLEASE, BIG SIS! LISTEN TO ME! I-I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING BAD! I-I DIDN'T TOMCAT, WHATEVER THAT IS! S-SO DON'T PULL ON MY NOSE ANYMORE! I-I LEARNED MY LESSON! I WON'T BE A BAD BOY ANYMOOOOOOORE! (TдT)"
...All's well that ends well... maybe.