:: Dear Diary..... I realized I made a big mistake. I haven’t eaten or drank anything since I travelled all the way from home to the city. I did have the occassional biscuits my mother had prepared, but maybe I was too scared of another pack of wolves wanting me to bear their children, I had lost my appetite. Now, my status reads I’m suffering from Extreme Hunger and Dehydration. My wounds won’t heal over time, and if my water levels drop to zero, I might pass out and die. I can’t have that, I really don’t want to leave poor Nello behind in this cruel world. ::
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<< WARNING: Your Hunger Status is at 38%. Auto-Health Regeneration de-activated. >> << WARNING: Your Hydration Status is at 30%. Dexterity Temporarily Decrease by 2. >> << You use SIT ON at Nello. You dealt -1 Emotional Damage. >> << Notification: Nello's Arousal Level has increased by 10%. Ask him to seek counselling. >>
“G-gguuughgg! B-Big Sis is really heavyyyyyyy!”
“S-stop complaining, Nello! You were able to run over a pack of 6 Dire Wolves, three Orcs, and a pile of Goblins without a second thought, s-so you don’t have the right to question a girl’s body mass!”
Under the bright and warm sun, spotless from meandering clouds, there was a Half-Elf Girl trying to grab some fruit from a tree. It was impossible, really, because the tree in itself was about 7 meters high. The lowest branch available were at 5 meters height.
Despite the fact she was a Half-Elf and was taller than an average human, she was still 5 foot 8 inches (1.7 meters). She would not be able to reach it the same way as grabbing a jar of cookie from the top shelve. Not even if she stood on her tippy toes. There was still a 4 meter gap.
So she cooked up a plan. This involved borrowing the shoulders of her friend in her party.
Or rather, his iron nose.
<< You used FIDGET on Nello. You dealt -2 Emotional Damage. >> << Notification: Nello's Arousal Level has increased to 15%. Please ask him to seek counselling. >>
“Nuwooooh! B-Big Sis! Y-your butt is clenching my face! I-it feels weird!”
“S-stop making remarks to my @ss! I-it’s not that big, not compared to my mother that is! N-now stop talking and raise me up higher. Come on, Nello! You can do it! Lift me higher!”
“I-I’m trying, b-but I can’t see if your thighs keep blocking my eyyyyyyes!”
The T-34 Soviet Tank was Pastrache's solution in this problem involving physics and civil engineering. He had a large 76.2 mm F-34 Tank Gun, which was exactly 3 meters in length. As it's essentially capable of shooting 6.5 kg shell at 5 - 10 rounds per minute, it should be capable of lifting a person's body much like the ladders seen on firetrucks.
This wasn't exactly a rescue mission, to get children, seniors, or even kittens out of burning buildings, but the stakes were the same. If Pastrache doesn't get any food or water to sate her decreasing stats, her body function would end up failing, at worst go into shock and she would be paralyzed. Oh yes, and let's not forget about imminent death.
No hero or heroine would want to go out like that, isn't that right?
Hence why the lovely Half-Elf Girl could be seen riding on top of the tank barrel as she tried to reach out to grasp at the fruits in the tree. Her warm blossoming thighs clenching the iron between her legs for stability.
<< You used THIGH SQUEEZE on Nello. It's super effective! >> << Nello's Arousal Level has shot up to 30%. >> << Congrulations: You acquired Skill - Profiessional Pole Dancer Lv. 1 >>
"PFFFFFFFT!? SH-SHUT UP YOU STUPID WINDOW SCREEN! D-DON'T MAKE ME SOUND LIKE A SLUT WHO ENJOYS FLAUNTING HER BODY TO THE WRONG PEOPLE!! AND ERASE THAT BONUS FEATURE FROM MY CHARACTER CARD! ERAAAASE!"
"Aaaaah! B-Big Sis... d-don't g-grip my nose s-so tightly... y-you're legs."
"Ssssh! Nello! I almost had the crabpear! Just keep holding me up and stop fidgeting! Th-the more you shake the more you're nose is hitting me in wierd places!"
Plothole. Plothole. Some of you are probably sayin - wait the Charles Dickens she can't just climb a tank barrel like that. She'll fall right off, it's not a fireman ladder. People who post videos on the internet would be going 'I've tried it before and it turned into an Epic Fail, sending me to the hospital', or 'scientifically, her body has zero friction and she'll fall right off like snail on a grease pipe'.
The answer to those small questions was simple. She took this thick stick and tied it to one end of the tank barrel to make a ‘T’ shape. She crisscrossed the wiring she carried on her person, so that it would not easily slip down if the barrel were to even stand up 90 degrees straight. In otherwords, she made a compromise chair for her cute and lofty butt to sit on as the T-34 Tank rose her up on the barrel ladder. Even with gravity at play, she would not fall off.
That was S-M-R-T- smart (f**k!).
The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.
“Nnnng! I-I’m right at the branch level, b-but you need to turn me more to the left.”
“O-oh okay!”
“Wait. Too much! Go back to the right a bit.”
“R-right! Okay!”
“N-Nello! N-not too fast! Th-there is no way I could grab any of the crabpears if you swing me around like a merry go round. Gently, slowly, like touching a girl’s body.”
“………………………………….”
“Other than my body.”
“Um…I…I don’t have hands.”
“J-just turn gent—LYYYY!”
“Ah! Sorry, I’m trying by my hydraulics are not listening. A-and I still can’t see where you’re trying to grab!”
“D-don’t move around so-so hard! N-not when I’m sitting on you like—KYAAAAA!”
The T-34 misunderstood the next set of direction, or he pressed the wrong internal button, but the barrel of the tank dropped by 10 inches and stopped suddenly. That sensation you get when the plane goes into the first stage of turbulence.
“Aaaah…Aaauuhggggg...”
“I-I’m sorry, B-big Sis! I-I didn’t mean to do that. I-I was confused as to whether to go up or to the side.”
“I…it’s fine…pant pant…J-just…just lift me back up, nice and slo—OH GOD♥!”
The Half-Elf gave a squeal when the barrel flipped up. It as at a steep angle, so she had to hug her body close like a cat on a branch. At the same time, the jolt in itself knocked something into Pastrache… particularly, between her legs.
<< WARNING: Your Arousal Level is at 58%. Please ask yourself to seek counselling. >>
“G...go away s-stupid m-messaging board...Aaahnn...A…Aauuugaag…Wh…what is…this weird feeling? Nnng♥.”
“Hmm? Big Sis? Are yo okay? You’re breathing very hard. A-are you scared of heights?”
“N…no. I’m, pant pant. Fine.”
“…You sure?”
“L-let’s hurry and get the crabpears b-before my Hunger S-Status reaches a critical point….H-heh? Wh-why is my Hydration Status falling even lower!?”
“What was that, Big Sis?”
“Up. Raise me—Wait. No, I meant to the right—NYAAAGHHG♥♥♥!”
<< WARNING: Your Arousal Level is at 89%. Please calm down. >>
"Wh-why can't I t-turn th-this go-god-forsaken n-notification oooooooffnnnnnnggggg♥!"
The Half-Elf Girl found herself clinging tightly onto the barrel as if a pole, arms and legs wrapped around it intimately. She wasn't trying to show off her newly acquired skill, rather she was doing everything in her power to not fall down from a 4 meter drop. At this point, she was a cat who couldn't climb back down.
All because the T-34 Soviet Tank accidentally raised the nose of his cannon too high. She was practically balanced at a straight 90 degree angle. Worse, all of her weight was forced down on her body. Every ounce of her internal organ, her sitting mass, and the clenching of her legs around the cannon... wasn't helping to reduced the 'discomfort' she experienced between her legs. If she made one bad move, one way or another - her life will be over.
“Pant Pant pant…Please…n…no more…I…I can’t...Aaaahn♥♥♥…..”
“Hmm? Big Sis? Did you say something?”
“D…don’t…Mnn♥”
“Down? O-okay.”
“Haaah. W-waii—GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
The barrel flopped. Like a plank falling on its face. The sensation of the plane dropping 10 meters worth of freefall could be riding up our legs and body at this point. And just like the second phase of turbulence, your feel your @ss slam back into the chair when it stopped falling.
<< WARNING: Your Arousal Level is now 150% over critical. Purging Excess Energy. >>
“KYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUuuuugggggggnnnnn♥♥♥♥♥!”
“………………………..B…Big Sis? A-are you okay?”
“….A…aaaahnnn♥.”
The Half-Elf Girl gave a small sound. It resembled to that of a hamster whining when it had a fever. With a gaping mouth and hard panting breath, the T-34 could see the girl hanging limp over barrel, like a shirt on a cloth line.
Her legs gave up gripping the sides and with her arms they dangled. Her body was pressed across the metal, all of her soft parts squished like a lovely balloon. A warm colored expression was painted over her weary face, full of raw and unfiltered emotion that not even Rembrandt could capture.
“Big Sis? What’s wrong… And why does my nose feel wet?”
"..............."
<< Your Arousal Level has returned to 0%. You are exhausted from Energy Purge. >> << Your Relationship with Nello has increased to 20%. You are now Partners (Intimacy+1) >> << WARNING: Your Hydration Status is at 18%. Please ingest fluids, now. >>
"...K..kkkkkuuuhhhh--T-take responsibility for what you’ve done to my character status, Nello!”
“H-heh!? Heh!? Heh!? B-but, but I did as you ask me to!”
In the end, the T-34 Soviet Tank used the traditional method in trying to acquire the fruit to sate his friend’s hunger and thirst problem. Tying a longer stick to his 3 meter nose like a bayonet, he would turn it left and right through the lower branches in order to knock some of the fruit down. About 15 or so green pears the shape of soft-shelled crabs fell to the ground.
<< You ate 10 hearty CRABPEAR. You gain +10 HP. Maximum Health. > << Congratulations! You are no longer Hungry or Thirsty! All Health Bonuses are reactived. >> << Your current Emotional Status is: Frustrated. Please seek counselling. >>
“B-big Sis. Y-you solved your hunger and thirst p-problem right? Y-you should be fine now, right? S-so why are you still super mad at me!?”
“… Hmph. Nello is a dummy. *Munch-munch*.”
“Heh!? Wh-what exactly did I dooooooooooo!?”
Not able to understand a lovely Half-Elf Girl looking away from him, the T-34 Tank threw up his barrel in frantic surrender. The poor boy inside of its iron body will never understand the heart of women.