[ Clerk Entry #676, Supplement.]
After working in the guild for over 80 years, I still don’t understand why the newer and newer Adventuring Generations could be so calous and obnoxiously rude. Just today, there was this pipsqueak Adventurer who was a fresh dropout from middle school. He was saying all sorts of ridiculously crude things. For example: ‘Hey honey, your body lights my body on fire’; ‘Hey babe, why don’t we skip the tutorials and go straight to the X-Rated content?’; ‘Yo, what’s up, let’s f**k like rabbits girl!’… Sorry, that last one belonged to some human who was recently transmigrated from another world, I think called Earth (#EarthlingsArePerverts). I shouldn’t lump a bad apple to the rotting pile like that, it wouldn’t be fair… However, I can’t stop thinking about that girl. Sure she’s rude and uptight, but at least she knew how to respect a fellow woman. Just last night, one drunk War Witch tried to bury her face under my skirt. I lectured her with my mace to make her reflect on her misdeeds.... Honestly, current generations these days.
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“So as you can see, I’m bored. Sing for me my brother.”
“I’m a f**king blacksmith. Not an Opera house star. Give me a break already, it’s happy hour!”
It was the end of the day.
All the stores were starting to pack up and pulling down the iron shutters to protect their store fronts. There was a strict curfew at the 8th hour of dusk, so no one was allowed to be wandering past the eight chime of the eight bell of the eight clock tower.
Or else, a frustrated drunk woman would violate you… no, that was not an urban legend to scare children,
Many men were found curled up in the back of an alley, their ankles mangled and their knees twisted, with their hair turned white from shock. Pantless.
“Fuu. I don’t like this time restriction. Just because everything stops at eight o'clock doesn’t mean our lives should.”
“Which is exactly why you need to shut the h*ll up or else the Night Watch of the Royal Constabulary will arrest you. The last thing I want, is to have our secret midnight hangout to be torn down again. If that happens, I’m disowning you for sure this time.”
“But we’re sibligs. You have no parental right to do that.”
“Since we were children, I’ve been the mature one in the family since our parents went overseas for business! This makes me the power of attorney and essentially, the only person who has the right to disown an irresponsible and messy child like you!”
The Dwarf Clerk who worked at a certain guild frowned.
Normally, whenever she was behind the desk, taking down names for new adenturers or handling information with experienced veterans, she would always be seen with this stoic and professional appearance. Even at the end of the day, or at the end of intercepting a bar fight in the guild, not a hair will ever go out of place on her head.
Yet somehow, she could be found lying across a large wooden table, her glasses off, her hair bun half pulled and half tucked, and all sorts of sexy strands of hair covering her small round face. She no longer cared how she looked now.
It was because she was drinking out her stress in the middle of this shady looking open-roof tavern that was located in a national park somewhere in the city.
"I'm bored. Dance for me brother."
"Nein. I'm not in the mood to play along with your messed up delusions."
"I'll persuade you with my mace."
"Please, you're drunk as a Matchlock Beaver. You can't even lift your own head on your shoulder let along a simple beer mug. Even if you had a spray bottle of pepper mace, you still lack the hand-eye coordination from splashing your own face in white gas."
".........I'll punch you."
"Be my guest. My abs needs the workout. Tch. *Gulp Gulp*"
As mentioned there was a strict curfew around 8 o clock. Any one who come half-dead and seek medical attention are turned away, tourist who are outside right before the eight chime are locked out and forced to sleep on a public bench, and all stores awere sure to have closed by 7:45 PM or else.
But life wasn’t fun if you lived by the rules (#PleaseDon’tBreakTheLaw).
There was a large park full of trees that were under protection for endangerment, due to historical logging and what not. Somewhere deep in that protected forest, a band of merry men and woman would gather every night from 8 in the night to 6 in the morning, drinking themselves under the table or playing games.
Everyone need to let their hair down once and a while. This included the messy looking Dwarf Clerk who took off her fake glasses.
"...Do something for me."
"Fine. Hyup! Is this your card little lady?"
"No. That's your business card you pulled out from your leather apron... you still haven't changed your Ethereal Net Address on it?"
"Bah! I don't care. Do you know how expensive it is to produce these ridiculously fancy cards. I even got overzealous and chose the egg shell white with Roman Patterns on it. Do you not see these fancy letters, it's written in something call Silian Grail! It was to the point where I splurged too much on the customization, and ended up with a prism hue and subtle coloring... I nearly bankrupt myself just to make 20 of these! I'm not changing anything! Even if the @ssholes at the printing shop spelled my name completely wrong!"
Sitting next to the Dwarf Clerk Lady was a Draenei.
For those of you who don’t know what a Draenei is, don’t look it up if you’re younger than 20 years old. Don’t. If you didn’t listen to this bunny narrator and went up there anywhere…sigh…Normally you would see a lot of beautiful pictures of this blue or pink colored humanoid woman with head horns that look like solid tails flicked up, a short and soft lizard like tail dancing from the hip, and her legs would be reverse joined like a goat.
However, this Draenei in question wasn’t a beautiful women straight out of every transmigrating hero fantasy.
It was a man. Sorry to disappoint you… unless you’re into gender bender.
Also, the business card he had plucked out to attempt a false card trick fell to the their table, his name facing up and dripped with splattered beer and foam.
N. Cogez. Specialty Blacksmith.
“Honestly, how dare you call yourself my little sister! I simply don’t understand why so many people in town have this crazy fetish for their female sibling! They all keep saying ‘there is no way she could be this cute, let’s make out lie lovers’. The idea sends chill down my spine!”
“I’m not in the mood to make your fantasies a reality. Let me drink my Clam Oil Ale in peace, pervert.”
“WERE YOU LISTENING TO A SINGLE WORD I WAS SAYING YOU DEPLORABLE WOMAN! LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND APOLOGIZE!"
“I see nothing but moon in your face.”
“NOW YOU’RE BEING RACIST AGSINT MY BLOODLINE AS A DRAENEI! IT'S NOT LIKE i CHOSE TO HAVE MY EYES GLOWING LIKE SOME MIND-CONTROLLED ZOMBIE! SERIOUSLY APOLOGIZE TO YOUR HONORABLE OLDER BROTHER!"
The Draenei man was slapping his mug onto the table and it almost collapsed and flipping into his face. It wasn't because his STRENGTH stat was over the roof. No. It was around 15 - 18.
The reason because the table was essentially a round piece of plywood that was balanced on top of a barrel. So if you push down on it, it will surely hit you in the face like stepping on a rake.
Seeing how it almost capsized, the Draenei panicked and grabbed the edge of the table to calm it down. He was safe, for now. But the Dwarf was bopping up and down on the table, burying her face into her arms as if wanting to nap. Even when her head and folded arms catapulted 5 inches into the air, she plopped right back down to continue her semi-drunk-nap. That was how deep she was in her drink.
The Draenei just cringed.
“If you hate your job, just quit and work somewhere else.”
“I don’t hate my job. I hate adventurers.”
“Then get transferred to an Adventuring Branch in Mimico, Ottaweeaboo! I heard that province have female-only Guilds you can choose from. Surely you can find solace and warm bosoms there! (Lucky b*tch)”
“It’s no good. If it’s not the guys who want to throw this Dwarf into bed with them, it’s the woman who want to bury their face between my legs.”
This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
“…Are you seriously drunk or is everyone in your guild a f**king crackpot?”
“The latter.”
“Just resign and go to Mimico. It’s better there.”
The Dwarf Clerk finally rolled her face up across her arms. She didn’t bother to look at the Draenei who she called a brother…(wait, hold the phone), instead she just moaned. Not sexually.
“I want a cat.”
“I told you 59 times. I will not allow you to bring a Siberiana Tigress in my apartment! My building allows zero animals or mounts! Just last week, the Dorm Lady who swings around her iron broom just ejected this Warlock Woman who was hiding a Shoggoth Pet in her house. Do you not understand the seriousness of the situation I’m in if you bring in any animal whatsoever to my personal living quarters!”
“Wolf Krone.”
“Oh h*ll no! You are not bringing in a spider to live with me!”
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oh1aY57rilE)
“I meant the Pony that shoots Rainbow from its Three horns.”
“Weren’t you listening about the story of the Warlock being kicked out for having a Shoggoth Pet!? Please, sober up! Waiter, Prairie Oyster here – NOW!”
(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prairie_oyster_(cocktail))
The Draenei turned to the man who was manning the… bar counter?
The reason why there was a question mark was real simple: the bartender was this creature made of 1000 octopus tentacle and had a squid like head. His arms would dance around, grabbing glasses and bottles with its octopus like appendages. He would regularly flip, tumble, or spin each alcohol beverage around to shake, mix, stir, before serving them across the counter with the speed of a Vickers Machine Gun.
...D*mn, he's good...
Spotting the Draenei, he would wave one tentacle in the air. A signal to say, give him a minute with this order. He’ll be right around. So the Draenei killed time by punching his little sister across the head.
“GUBYAFGGGGGGFFFFFFF! F**K! H-HOW HIGH IS YOUR AWARENESS LEVEL, BRATTY DWARF!?”
“…Please just let me wallow in my despair like this… I don’t want to get too drunk that any of these beast folk or human rogues will take advantage of my zero constitution and I wake up in bed naked the next morning, my @ss feeling like it fell down 100 stair steps…Sigh.”
As the Dwarf Clerk said all that, the Draenei was screaming. He tried to attack her skull the same way a Big Brother would flick the forehead ofh is Litter Sister, only to have said little sister throw a silent revolt and squeezed his wrist.
The best way to imagine the damage, was putting 1500 pieces of paper under a 144 ton Hydraulic Press. Let her rip.
<< Dwarf Clerk uses NORMAL WRIST SQUEEZE on Draenei Big Brother. >> << It was super effective!! Dealt -700 Crushing Damage. Draenei's Health is now 100 / 800. >> [https://boygeniusreport.files.wordpress.com/2017/07/paper.gif?w=782]
“GAAAAGH! GAAAAAG! I-I SURRENDER! I GIVE YOU MY UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER! L-LET MY ARM GO! M-MY RIGHT HAND IS MY LIVELEY HOOD AS A BLACKSMITH! W-WITHOUT IT, I’LL GO BANKRUPT! HGAAGG! L-LET ME GO! SWEET LITTLE SISTER, LET ME GOOOOOO!”
“…………………Say it properly.”
“WHY CAN’T MY LITTLE SISTER BE THIS CUTE!? NOW LET THE F**K GOOOOOOOOO!"
The 144 ton Hydraulic press spared the remaining 500 pieces of paper and released the crumpled arm.
“…F***k….M-my status screen reads I’m crippled and enemy have advantage over me. C-Compensate for my damages!!”
The Dwarf Clerk disheartently threw her bag of coins onto the table. She didn't give a f**k.
“WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR!? A WOMAN YOU PAY OFF AFTER DRAGGING HER TO BED!?”
“………………………………………………………………..:
“………………Odd. Right after you half-paralyze my arm, you’re normally at the point where you would pull out your horsewhip and go on a full BDSM style rampage…Are you sure you’re not drunk?”
“……. Leave me alone?”
“Nuwooooh!! Fo-for you to give up so soon! S-something is definitely wrong!”
The Draenei waved his hand up in the air, for the Squid-like bartender to see. He gave him a series of finger signs (not the middle finger), which connected together formed a signal. Like how people in LAPD SWAT would do before kicking the door down.
The Squid Bartender raised up a tentacle: Monty Pythagoream Rum with Lemon Citrus Plus, no rocks, double shot, coming right up.
“…………………………………………………”
“……………………. Do you wan to confide in your big brother?”
“We don’t have the same mothers.”
“Yes, but we still have the same father who literally worships a certain Greco Thunder God. At least, we share half of the same blood, right?”
“………………………………Sigh.”
“What’s the matter, my dear little sister?”
“... There's this girl.”
“I knew it.”
To simplify her emotions, the Dwarf Girl threw her leg out to kick her brother in the knee…Only to fall short by a ruler length. Maybe pitying her Dwarven feature, the Draenei intentional stuck out his knee to cover the gap and took the hit like a trooper.
<< You let Dwarf Little Sister KICK YOU. She dealt you -0.1 Temporary Damage. >> << Please ask her to seek counselling for her weak STR. >>
“GOWUUGH! How dare you hit me! It hurts!...........….Now can you tell me?”
“Pastrache. There’s this girl name Pastrache. She’s this new Adventurer I met recently.”
“Don’t tell me…She took your first?”
“………………………….:
“…I was expecting you to kick me again like this Tsundere Heroine – but why are you turning red and looking away from me! D'don’t tell me you’ve fallen for her!?”
“I wonder, if she’s into women…or…that she’s into Dwarf women.”
“You’re serious!? You’re seriously considering to abandon your straight life like that!?”
“I am bisexual.”
“Stop. We may be half blooded, but we’re still siblings. Let’s not go into any more detail about… stuff. Ahem. WHERE IS THAT MONTY PYTHAGORUM RUM!?!”
The Dwarf Clerk sighed and lazily swung her short legs under the table as she kept her head low into her folded arms, ignoing the Draenei’s screaming. All the while, she kept staring at the knots and scratches on the thin ply wood used as a makeshift table to hold their drinks. A little bored, she started to poke one of the 20 empty bottls that sat in front of her.
FYI, the Brother Draeinei had about 3 and a half cans in front of him.
“……To be honest… I never knew I was truly into women, until I met her.”
“Wow. Is she hot as f**k?”
“Yes…maybe it was because of how curved her half-elf body was, or…how her golden sun hair would sweep over her petite shoulders… her pointed ears as sharp as the crescent moon’s tail…”
“……………………………………………”
“…She’s mine.”
“Right. Sorry. It’s been a while since I thought of an exotic woman. Ahem. Sorry, please continue.”
“……….Right now, I’m not even sure if this is a fleeting moment of passion, or will this same feeling die down and I go back to hating men and women alike.”
“…………Well…I should think—“
“No. I’m not going to drug her and take her to bed. That’s too much work.”
“Listen to me, you bratty Dwarf!”
The Draenei snapped at the Dwarf Girl who he called his little sister.
At the same time, two long octopus poked out from two portals made of mystical black shadows across the plywood and they rested their ordered drinks across the table. The Dranei didn’t both to look and he dropped some gold coins into their octopus grip, before they shrunk back down into the portal and closed itself.
“……Alright. I’m listening…Brother.”
“The next time this girl, this Half-Elf, you mention ever come back. There is only three things you can do.”
“…What?”
“First, make a small gift the size of your hand. Second, take her to the rooftop of your guild, and three – tell her ‘I’ve always admire you from a distance. Please go out with me!’”
“……………………………………"
"... That it's. I don't have any other ideas left to say."
"THE F**K!? DO I LOOK LIKE THIS CLUMSY HEROINE FROM A HIGH SCHOOL LOVE COMEDY!? THAT'S AN OVERUSED CLICHED PLOT TWIST TOO!”
“Hey, it works! About 99% of my the guys in my senior high all watch cr*p like that and re-enacted it! It works 100%! Even the cool and level headed Snow Witch girl Student Council Presdient had the walls surrounding her distant heart shattered in a single strike! She's already half away around the globe, eloping with that bravely stupid 4 foot Halfling!"
"..... G-gggffuh!?"
"Seriously, I'm the 1% who didn't believe in cr*p like that and now look at me! Single! Haven't touched even a woman's manacured fingernail with my own hands, and a blacksmith too! Who would want to date a guy who reeks of iron and charcoal! I highly doubt that is a new fetish in town!"
"................And... you're final answer."
"Either go with that, or use your original fall back plan. Get her real drunk and drag her back to your--"
“SIT BACK DOWN AND LET ME CLUB YOU TO BITS!”
“NUWOOOH! W-WAIT! Y-YOU FORGOT THE HOUSE RULE! N-NO WEAPONS ALLOWED! NO WEAPONS ALLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWED!”
In the end, there was this brawl that was isolated between a single Dwarf Clerk girl and a Draenei Blacksmith. Everyone was savouring their expensive drinks, so there was no need to intervene. Besides, the Dwarf wasn’t using any weapon, legal or illegal.
She simply used her own chair to vent out her lonely frustrations.
"DON'T - EVER - TEACH - A - LITTLE SISTER - CORNY - RIDICULOUS - LOVE - CONFESSION - TACTICS - EVER - YOU F**KING DRAENEIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!"
"GUGGFF!? NOT CUTE! NOT CUTE! DOOGUUFF!! I DON'T CARE WHAT THE WORLD SAYS, MY LITTLE SISTER ISN'T CUTE AT ALL! POFFGGF!! NOW STOP HITTING MY CERVICAL SPINE YOU BRATTY DWAAAAAAAAARF!"
University students, please do not try this at home. They are professional fantasy siblings.