:: Dear Diary…. If you had a million gold, what would you do? Maybe asking you this question might sound stupid, you are after all an Artificial Intelligence system that records what I say. It’s not like you have the same needs like humans or—Hey! Ow! Stop, wh-why are you ripping my cheeks! P-pay attention to me, th-this is incredibly important! ::
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“Hey, Nello. If we become super rich what would you like to do with the money?”
“Send it back to Stalingrad.”
“……………………………………………..All of it?”
“I-I don’t know. I keep hearing that’s what soldiers do when they were out in the Eastern Front. They would save up money and put it in a letter to send it back to their family... Did I answer right?”
“… No. That’s now how it works here. Also, there is no advanced banking system that could transfer your cheque via a transmigration system.”
“… Oh… Then, I’ll think of something else.”
Pastrache nodded.
She felt that her words alone would provide a decent amount of wisdom to her friend that day. It was important to plan for the future, and spending all of her hard earn gold would definitely lead into a major financial crisis that no economy could ever recover from…
… Sorry, too soon?
“…Sigh. If only pretty dresses made with products that don’t make my skin turn into a puffy tomato weren’t so expensive. Not even a Queen could save her pocket money after selecting three or four negligees, despite it being on sale these days.”
“… What was that, Big Sis? I-I didn’t understand.”
“Come on, tell me. What do you want to do when you get 1 million gold.”
“Aaaah. I-I’m still thinking on that.”
Pastrache looked down at her friend. It wasn’t in a demeaning manner, neither was it to step on his confidence to raise herself with pride. Rather, she literally was sitting on his head while swinging her legs back and forth in front of his face, as if sitting in a child’s swing.
For those of you reading this for the first time – no, Nello was not a Giant. Neither was he a certain two headed ogre with the head of a boy and a head of a princess that was all a rage these days.
Simply put, Nello was a T-34 (ex)Soviet Tank.
It made sense for a beautiful Half-Elf girl to sit on his head and swing her legs back and forth as if on a child’s swing.
The girl would watch as trees rolled past them as they continued down the road. In the distance was a large walled city made of iron, bricks, and some new material called stainless steel. It was a Capital city of this fantasy world and they were on their way in returning from their last job request.
“…Big Sis, I thought as hard as I can, but I don’t know what I would do if I get 1 million gold... I-I haven't even used one gold piece while I was still back in Stalingrad.”
“That’s fine Nello. It’s not like the last guild mission of slaying a harbor beast was going to rain gold coins from the sky or something. We barely earned enough for a decent rent in a shabby tavern with a food rating that even my Guild's head chef would say 'oh my god'. Honestly, citizens these days are so cheap when they call on for a hero like us.”
“……. Um…Was it because I accidentally blew up their ship with my nose?”
“N-no! O-of course not, Nello! Th-that Kraken was about to do all sorts of wicked things to my chaste body. Y-you only acted to protect me! I-it’s not like we knew beforehand that the 20 legged sucker had a Dexterity of over 100 and a bonus Dodge Action! I-it's definitely not your fault that the Kraken moved out of the way for your nose to rip through the harbour master's favorite ship! Besides, he has 39 more of them, why should he punish us for sinking one!?"
“….......I still feel bad.”
“P-please don’t! It’s really the perverted Kraken’s fault that got us in trouble, okay? So please, don’t feel so guilty.”
<< You used FAKE SYMPATHY on Nello. Dealt -1000 Emotional Damage. Super Effective. >> << Nello's Spirit is now Prone. Anyone has Advantage over his Will Checks. >> << Your Relationship with Nello is -2%. You are now Chaotic Messed Up, please seek counselling. >>
"F*CK YOU NOTIFICATION SYSTEM! WHERE IN MY DIALOGUE HAVE I EVER SOUNDED INSINCERE! I'LL GUT YOU! I'LL DEFINITELY FILE A COMPLAINT TO WHATEVER INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY GODDESS THAT IS RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR PROGRAMMING, AND GUT YOU!!"
"... ...Who... me?"
"N-no, Nello. I love you. Here, let Big Sister give you a big warm hug!"
“……………………Thank you Big Sis....... but I still feel so useless…Sob.”
“Want some ice cream to cheer you up?”
“...What’s ice cream?”
“Medium Price Gasoline it is.”
“Um… Big Sis, I’m grateful but… my body can regenerate fuel if I rest so… I don’t want to waste your money.”
“Oh my god, Nello! I don’t know if I should fall for you or berate you for not thinking more about yourself! Y-you’re too kind hearted, even if you don’t have the actual organ to pump blood!!”
“……………………………………I’m confused now.”
“J-just keep going straight, Nello. And avoid the pot holes, they hurt my butt.”
“Nn. Okay.”
Nello the T-34 Tank nodded, by bobbing his 3 meter cannon up and down.
The Half-Elf sitting on his head continued to swing her legs back and forth, all the while whistling a small song that sounded like 'If I Were a Rich Half-Elf' (#Coincidence?). Somehow that melody alone was enough to recover her spirits left broken from the last job.
The sky was bright and clear, so she would always end up staring into the deep blue yonder. And nothing much was happening at the time. The road had a couple of wagons that transported goods from one merchant town to another, as well as the usual small carriages that go from one place to another. Nowadays, public transportation had evolved to the point of creating large inter-city carriage busses, to make rides between one capital city to another more convenient.
However, every driver and passenger could not help but stare at this giant metal creature that moved on two wide legs full of rolling metal plates, a head that could turn a full 360 degree, and one long nose that would move up and down to wave at them.
One or two children in the inter-city carriage busses would often wave back. Maybe even draw Nello onto their notepad, then 10 years later before going to college they would recover this old notepad and reminisce at the memory of how they waved at a great big dragon!...
…Ah… how great the youth can be……Sob (TxT).
“Why are you crying, Nello?”
“Hmm? I wasn’t crying. Are you?”
“… No…Hah. Must be my imagination.
*Sound of Bunny Narrator blowing her nose*
“… By the way Nello. That question I asked before… If we really did magically get 1 million gold to spend… what do you want to buy with it?”
“Wh-what do I want?.........I-I don’t get it Big Sis.”
“You know. Is there anything in particular you would like? With this amount of money, you could essentially get anything you want in this world.”
“……………………………”
The T-34 Tank rose his cannon up into the sky at a 45 degree angle. From a distance, people would think it was calculating the angle of attack to shoot down a Junker 88A-11 Heavy German Bomber right out of the sky. When really, the gesture was exactly the same as anyone looking up at the ceiling while in deep thought.
Body language can be fickle sometimes, especially if you’re a tank.
“…Oh! I know! I know! I want to become a Petlyakov Pe-8!”
“What’s that Nello? A fruit?”
“No, no! It’s this super cool Russian Bomber with four big engines!”
Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.
<< Accessing OTHER WORLD FILES for 'Travelling Reader' .................. COMPL--HOLY SH*T >> [https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/YLsAAOSwxYxUrkVX/s-l300.jpg]
“………………………………………………………”
“Yeah, yeah! It’s super big and it can fly way up high into the sky, even out of the range from enemy anti-air flak guns or land artillery! Why, no German Tank could ever jump up and bully me anymore! I would look so cool when I punch them back with bigger ordinances and no one will laugh at me!”
“…......Pfft.”
“Big Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis (TxT).”
“S-sorry. Th-the way you said it sounded too cute. But all in all, pffft, I don’t know what a Bomber is, so I have no idea what you would look like in your evolved form. Also, there is no way something as big as you can fly in the sky with four large engines pulling on two flimsy wings. Even Dragons can’t higher than 3000 ft in the sky, they get tired from how heavy they are.”
“B-but it’s true! R-Russian Bombers are real! I-I’m not making it up!”
“Yes, yes, yes. I believe you Nello. However, you’re already super cute like this. I can’t imagine you becoming scarier if you grow bigger like that. So, don’t change Nello, ever.”
“…………Big Sis is still laughing at meeeeee (TxT)…”
The cannon on the tank drooped down. It didn’t lowered, it didn’t adjust its attack angle to shoot a land mine right in front of it, it just dropped. Like *FWOOP* dropped.
It even stuck into the ground by accident, the same way an Olympian would during the Pole Vault competition.
“NUWOOOH! N-NELLO! P-PAY ATTENTION TO THE ROAD! D-DON’T FALL ASLEEP AND DRIVE AT THE SAME TIME! LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID, I'M FALLING!”
“Ah! S-sorry Big Sis! I-I didn’t mean to—Tee-hee! Ah-haa! B-Big Sis, m-my nose tickles! L-let go!”
“I-I can’t! I’ll seriously hurt myself if I give up and let go right now. I'll be bouncing off lots of layers on your iron body before I hit the ground, I don't want to throw out my hips while I'm still young!”
Due to the miscalculated Olympic pole vault, the Tank had bucked forward into an abrupt halt. It was hard enough to throw its one and only passenger on the turret head and into the air. As she had no seat belt, it was obvious where her trajectory would go.
Even Dummies in Crash test know you always wear a seat belt, like come on Half-Elf Woman.
“Nnng! B-Big Sis, y-you’re legs are ru-rubbing my noise in a weird way! I-it’s super warm and feels funny.”
“P-please don’t peak at my butt! J-just because I’m wearing shorts doesn’t mean you can look up at me! I-it’s not like I wanted to be in this obscene angle. Nuwoooh! D-don't move, Nello, I-I'm slipping!"
To summarize, Pastrache could be found hanging by her arms and legs across Nello’s 3 meter tank barrel. She clutched onto it with her shaking limbs, harder than a professional Koala certified by Australia. She could feel her gloved fingers already losing their grip.
“Set me down! Set me down!”
“O-oh okay. Going up! Hang on Big Sis!”
"...U-up? W-wait---HYAAAGGGUUUUNN♥♥♥!?"
<< Your Arousal Level has increased from 20% to 99%!! >> << You gained 1000 EXP for pipe swinging. Congratulations, your Pole Dancing Skills is now Level 5!!>> ---
<< __ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!!__ >>
~Queen of Improvisation~
You used everyday items to increase your stats, especially the passionate ones. You go Girl♥.
--- << Special Title Unlocked: NAUGHTY ELF OF THE POLES. Please seek counselling. >>
“N...nyaaaahnnn♥....I...I almost...Geh!? Nello! I-I said put me down, not pull me up! F**k! I-I'm sliding down like a firesaver! I-if this keeps up, m-my Pole Dancing Skill will continue to soar to new heights! I-I seriously don't want the experience points for something this obscenely stupid! Put me down, put me down - PUT - ME - DOOOOOWN!! [>///<]"
"...O-oh. Sorry Big Sis. I-I thought you wanted to grab at the crab shaped fruit in the tree while you at it. M-my bad."
In the end, Pastrache was carefully lowered back to the ground, the same way a firefighter on a ladder would set the one they rescued on their feet. She punched close all of the notification screens that popped up around her with her tiny fists, as if the face of lecherous drunk men. After smashing 'exit' on every screen that congratulated her on levelling up her 'profession', she tried to calm down by straightening her clothing as well as her beloved side-tail.
“… Hey Big Sis.”
“I’m mad, Nello. Not ‘I won’t talk to you anymore' mad but ‘p*ssed’. Please pay attention when driving.”
“Y-yes, I-I will but… What does Big Sis want if she gets 1 million gold?”
The fingers combing the blonde side-tail stopped. It wasn’t because it got caught in a tangle or two. It just up and lost motivation to continue. A small lip twisted and bit itself. Not to entice a man.
But to decide whether or not to shrug the question off with a ludicrous wish, or her honest desire.
“… I…I would want a big house, with five rooms. A bright living room, a large kitchen and dining area, and three bathrooms...ah yes, and they must have both a standing shower and a bath, that can spit out magical jets of water to massage my body. Yes.”
“…Why Big Sis?”
“So I can move in with my mother, and get away from the town that hates us.”
“…………………………………………….”
“Being away from her as an Adventure is difficult. I often yearn for her warm touch, regardless of how painfully blunt she can be in her attempts to groom my body to rival her own features. I really miss her cooking and I know she always wanted a big kitchen… not like the tiny fireplace she uses to cook stew with.”
“… Um…Why five rooms, if it’s just you and mother?”
“Five rooms. One for me. One for mom. One for… father, if he decided to come back all of a sudden---OR his reason for leaving us alone is properly justified.”
"Wh-what do you mean by properly justified?"
"Well several possible choices. One: he left home to make sure the people from his shady past don't come after us; Two: the organization he left behind is calling on him again to save a king or queen and prevent another global conflict; Three: he's this super impossible spy working for a classified government agency and is going about in saving the world from evil @ssholes....."
".....................................................Oh... What?"
"Hmm. If he does come back based on those various hypothesis...should I throw my body into his arms like I did when I was only as tall as his knee?... Wait no... he'll feel my bosom and start fantasizing in the wrong direction, like always. Mother would definitely pinch them."
“…....One...two...three...Um, won’t there be two rooms left empty?”
“No. If father comes back and makes up with mother… then they’ll definitely 'get it on' and pop out a baby brother or sister. Knowing them since I was a child, it's expected after many years in being apart they'll get... passionately violent.”
“………………. Oh… Okay… Oh! I get it! Room number five is so they could store away their luggage, right?”
“No, silly. Room Number Five will be as big as the house. A room only for you!”
“…………………………..Me?”
The T-34 perked its cannon up into the sky. It was staring at the deep blue yonder, as if deep in thought. It was the same way when a man reflects on the hidden message of the woman he loves, contemplating on the nuances and the insinuation she was trying to eloquently tell him.
A normal man would never be able to reach such deep answer in 10 years (#MenWorkerHarder)… somehow, Nello picked up the message in less than a second.
“….Heh!? A-a room for me? A-am I going to be Baby Brother number two!?”
“Yes! Of course, Nello! Although we’ve only known each other for close to a month now, I already see you as part of my family. I want to treat you as part of my kin! My mother might faint or start touching you in awkward places, but I know she’ll accept you as if her own child.”
“… But… I’m a Tank.”
“My mother isn’t picky as to what pops out from her belly. Just look at me, I'm a Half-Breed and she doesn't really give a sh*t. So long as I look pretty... Yes. Praise me.”
Pastrache nodded.
Heck, she even planted her tiny fist to her wide hips, puffing out her bosom with a send of pride. She felt that saying the words were not enough, she had to back it up with action. What better way than to give a firm nod to the T-34 Tank that sounded confused and unsure.
“Nello. From here on in, you are part of my family! The Mooneye Family! We’ll become the richest and the strongest family there ever was! Heck, we’ll knock down every other noble family in the world and sit on a throne of swords to rule then all! Nyaa-haa-haa!”
“………………………………..Family?”
Nello looked up at the sky in deep thought. Then he looked at the ground as if making a decision…only for the cannon to stare back up into the blue yonder to think over his decision… Looking back down with a firm nod…………Back up one more time to really think it through.
“…Or… perhaps… Nello doesn’t… want to me my little bro—“
“WAIT! I WANT TO BE BIG SIS’S LITTLE BROTHER! LET ME—”
*BONK!*
<< Nello used 76 mm CANNON on your Face. Dealt you -59 Bludgeoning and 0.5 Concussion Damage. >> << Your Status is now Prone: Enemies have Advantage over your Body. >> ---
<< __ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!!__ >>
Iron Skull
You received so much damage to the head, you gained +2 DEFENSE against Head Shots. Congrats Bro.
“BUGYAAAGFFF!?”
“—LOVE YOU—Ah…My nose.”
In all the excitement, the moment the T-34 swung its turret head around to shake Pastrache’s hand… His 3 meter long 76 mm iron cannon barrel slapped into the side of the Half-Elf’s face.
Flop. Down she goes.
“……………GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! B-BIG SIS! BIG SIS! I’M SUPER SORRY! I DIDN’T MEAN TO HIT YOU WITH MY NOOOOSE! P-PLEASE DON’T DISOWN ME FROM YOUR FAMILY! N-NOT WHEN I JUST GOT IN!”
“………………………….G…gufffgg…”
As if to answer the frantic tank’s voice, a feeble hand raised up to offer a thumbs up… then flop, down it goes.
“BIG SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!”
Don’t worry Tovarisch, her health points are 0.5 above zero. She’ll be fine.
<< Your Relationship with Nello is now 300%. Level 1 Maxed Out. Now Relationship Lv 2!! >> << CONGRATULATIONS! Nello is adopted into your Family. He receives same Kin Benefits from you. >> -----
<<__ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!!__ >>
~We Are Family! OPA!~
You have Bonded with another Party Member in Familial Terms. A Mutual Love Greater than Steel.