"Daddy! Daddy! I shot the bull's @ss! Praise me!"
"...Bull's eye, sweety. Bull's eye."
Once upon a time, there was a little girl who was no taller than a tavelleing boot. Although she was small, she had this big wide grin on her round baby face. Due to her short hair, her pointed ears were poking out from the side of her head.
However, they weren't as developed or as long as the splendid ears of a man who was on his knees, doting over the tiny creature with a hand on her fluffy head.
"So what did you learn today my darling?"
"If I put my mind to it, I can kick people's @ss!"
"Ha-ha-ha! That's my little girl! One day, you will grow up to become a fine adventurer!"
"Yeah, yeah! I want to be strong like daddy!"
"No. That's not the way to go, pumpkin. When daddy was younger, he was the strongest man alive. No one could touch him. All of his battles would end with one punch!"
"Wow! That's super cool!"
"But because the epic battles are always so short, there is no sense of fulfillment. Being the strongest, feels absolutely lonely."
"................................................................................."
"... It's okay, Babykins. You don't have to look at me with such a scared look. Being the strongest doesn't mean you're facing the boogie man or monsters under your bed."
"B-but there really ARE monsters under my bed! Last night, you just beat up something with lots of wavy arms. You know the one that looks like an octopus with bajillion eyes!"
"Tentacles. And that's what we call a wild Shoggoth. Aaaah, now that I think about it. I may have jumped the gun. Ever since your mother told me about the Fisherman's Dream, where the wife has this explicit affair with an octopus, I became super sensitive. I shouldn't have beat the shi---I mean dirt out of the poor guy. Turns out he was lost and wanted to stay warm from the snow outside."
".... Daddy's super cool!"
"Ah, that's my doodlge bug! Come and give papa a big bug-bear hug! Hoo-aaah!"
"Hoo-aaah! *Glomp*"
The little Elf girl hugged the man's shin. Because that's how tall she was. There was no way her tiny arms could wrap around his waist, even if he was as fit as an actor who stars in impossible missions.
With a small sigh, the Elf man reached down his hand to rub the litlte girl's fluffy head and delicious bed hair. His palm swallowed the entire circumference of her skull.
"... One day, I know you will grow up to be a beautiful woman. Just like your mother... only, hopefully taller than one meter."
"Why is Mommy so small? She never told me, why is that?"
"To this day, it's still a mystery. I've yet to crack the intel out of her with in our passionate interrogations. Even in blindfold play, she's a strong one."
"........Can I try Blindfold play too!?"
"N-NO! I-I mean, cough, n-no. I-it's not the same as swinging a stick to hit a paper mache doll to spill out guts and candy. O-or pinning a snake head to a chimera's rear."
".... Ooooooh. Still can I play?"
"............................Maybe when you're old---No, no. Mommy will strangle me if I suggest a passionate night for 2+1."
"Oh! I know the answer, I know the answer! That's 156!"
"..... I love you Snuggle Bunny!"
"Yay! Praise me more! Praise me more!"
[https://66.media.tumblr.com/572f45ad3ccb6622a0d8a75591cbb043/tumblr_pnr1czw6jv1wqnuuso1_1280.pnj]
"Hey dad, I want to ride your wild stallion."
"Hmm? You mean my Fantasia Mount? But it's level 200... Are you sure you can handle it!?"
It has been some time, apparantly.
It was made obvious seeing the boot-sized little Elf Girl being raised as tall as a mountain bicycle. Of course, she was not old enough to ride something as sophisticated as two wheels meant for mountainous terrain, especially when she never even had her first training wheel session.
Which is why Elf Man had this worried look on his face, when he exchanged glances between the bicycle high girl...
...And the Giraffe like creature he was grooming in the family stables.
......For those of you who do not know, Giraffes are real, they from Africa. The best way to describe how big they are, is equivalent to the ladder of a fire track - at full stretch... No, their necks do not retract. That would be silly.
Hence the reason behind Elf Man's frown.
"... Little Kitten, I don't think you're ready to even think about using my Magical Mount. It's been a while since he had a good gallop, or a good romp in the sack with a mate, so it's incredible frustrated. Also, unless you are me or a beautiful maiden, it will not let you ride on top of him like a dog."
"What do you mean? I'm beautiful right? You said so yourself!"
"I apologize for lying to you all this time dolly but....... You look like a boy."
"Fine, I'll stop cutting my hair with knife."
"Thank the goddess! Your mother was forcing me to abstain from her love until I figure out how to make you stop using my workship tools to cut your own hair!"
"...... For the next week."
"God d*mn it dumpling. Do you want a little brother or not?"
"Nein."
"D-don't say 'No' to daddy in a foreign language. It may sound cool but everyone is giving you wierd looks!"
"Danke!"
"You don't even know what that means, do you?"
"...... Obviously not 'up yours too', daddy."
"WHO HAS BEEN TEACHING YOU THESE REBELLIOUS WORDS!?"
As much as the Elf Man loved the little Elf girl, he had no choice but to pluck her off her ground, leaving her boots on the ground, and give her a good spanking.
After a full hour and half, he would carefully insert her bare feet back into the boots that were stuck in the mud. Like a sword into a scabbard. The little Elf Girl as tall as a bicycle looked like she wanted to cry, but her pride won't let her.
"... It's okay to cry hunny bun. Girls are allowed to cry."
"I'm a man!"
"Then try pee standing up--THAT WAS RHETORICAL, D-DON'T TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS!"
A political crisis was averted when the Elf Man plucked up the little Elf Girl again and forcefully tied up the strings on her pants into such a complex knot. Not even a demolition specialist would know how to pull it apart. When the girl's feet was slipped back into her boot, she had this defiant look on her face.
"Jiggle bug... why is my hand and lap all wet... wait.. ammonia?"
"...... I...really needed to go..."
"F**k."
After saying that word, the Elf Girl asked what that word to her mother... his father received lots of whipping afterwards and it was not the ones that would make him happy.
[https://66.media.tumblr.com/572f45ad3ccb6622a0d8a75591cbb043/tumblr_pnr1czw6jv1wqnuuso1_1280.pnj]
"Hey Dad. I want to ride a submarine one day!"
"... Don't tell me, you went behind your mother's back and bought one of those violent books from the market right?"
"Yeah. There was this man who said he came from Earth and told me lots of cool things that people from his world have that we don't. To make sure that no one thought he was crazy, he gave me this book about large military ships. Can I keep it?"
"Aren't you forgetting to add, 'the book followed me home' part?"
".........Dad. I'm 12 human years old. I'm not an idiot."
"I've been telling your mother that, but she still pulls on my nose every time I have a serious discussion about our finances...She needs to stop being a princess again and cease to splurge on buying shoes! I don't care if they're on half price! No one in their right mind wears glass for house slippers!"
Many years later, two maybe, there was a change in the lifestyle of a certain Half-Elf Girl and a Half Elf man.
The girl was no longer the size of a boot or a bicycle, but she was already the height of a regular 12 year old. Even though she was called the tallest girl in her Fantasy Grade 7 class, she has yet to experience her all-awaited growth spurt.
For the past year, she would measure herself with a classic crayon. She didn't loss height, but didn't gain it either......
Stolen story; please report.
Maybe that's why she still has this frown on her face, despite hugging such an important book in her arms.
"Miss Jellybean. We've talked about this. No talking to shady people trying to sell you mystery packages, or buying random items from the Ethereal Net Drive. You'll never know when the product is defective or used for criminal purposes."
"Then how come you keep ordering stuff to make mommy wear?"
"Because costume-play makes people happy. And fortunately for your mother, she loves to wear fancy dresses like she used to do during her Ball-going days."
"...Did you tell here only crazy people wear that cr*p?"
"Ssssssssssh! I-it's been my secret desire for the last 15 years, don't break the World Record!"
"Then stop calling me all sorts of random pet names. My real name is Pastrache! Pa-stra-che!"
"Calling you pet names is cuter that way! Goosie-goose!"
"WHO THE F**K CALLS THEIR 12 YEAR OLD ELF GIRL A GOOSE!? A-ARE YOU CURSING ME TO FATTEN UP!?"
The Elf Girl let out a sigh, because she was swept across the Elf Man's lap and was spanked violently. She said the 'F' word, so she deserved it. No, the F did not stand for Food.
".......I...I can't feel my butt."
"I told you not to use that kind of language in the house! Your mother will strangle me if she thinks I'm the one who has been corrupting you!"
"You're the one who drinks beer in front of a minor and cusses like a sailor at will!"
".... That's your mother's fetish. Don't blame me. Cough"
"Nice try dad. Because I'm of legal age, I've been connected to the Mythic Notification System. My Base Charisma is higher than your Bluff Check."
"VER-D*MMIT!"
"Hey, didn't you once told me 'speaking in another lanaguage doesn't make you cool, people will think you're stupid'? Who's the Cart pulling the horse now!?"
The Elf Man wanted to say something, pull at his hair even. However, one hand was covered in an oven mitt, his other hand was equipped with a spatula of Cooking Speed+1, and he was armored with an apron of Oil Resistance+5.
No matter what angle one would look at him, he looked like a stay-at-home Dad through and through.
It even has 'Dad's Are Awesome' on his apron... but some little f**ker in her rebellious phase added an arrow pointed to (NOT) in between 'Are' and 'Awesome'... like some kind of messed up movie title.
"...Anyway back to the main matter at hand. I want to ride a submarine."
"Cupcake, you can't. Submarines don't exist. That man who claims he is a new hero in a transmigrated world is lying to you. There is no such thing as ships that could swim under the water like a big@ss whale. It looks stupid."
"But the guy has all the science and details figured out! See, even the physics notation, the mechanical diagrams, the original blueprints. He mentioned something about being a designer for the U.S. Navy during the Cold War, whatever that means, and he sounded super serious. I want to build one and ride it like a Queen!"
"... So... you still haven't given up your true childhood dream?"
"Yes. I still plan on taking over the world."
The Elf Girl clutching the important book let out a small nod, her short side-tail bobbing with her. To praise her for her hard efforts in world domination, the Elf Man relentlessly spanked her, pouring in every frustration he had locked up as a father with only one child.
"D-d*mn it. I'm halfway to 300 years old, s-so why is my arm so sore!? I could swing a blade and kill wave after wave of Blood Orcs and even drink a glass of wine to pass the grinding hours... Yet why does my body feel like I ran my first 26 mile marathon! Sh-sh*t? I-is this real sweat on my forehead!?"
"Dad. Maybe you should take a break in attempting to pop a little brother or sister from mom. She's tired too you know."
The Elf man gave one last spank to the Elf girl on his lap. Knowing it was going to be his last one, he made sure it was extra hard.
"OW! I-I'M NOT MOM, DAD!"
"...Sorry...I was frustrated."
Somehow, the 'father and daughter' Elf ended up ending their abrupt war, sharing a truce by sitting on two stools in the middle of their house's kitchen.
The Elf Man rested his chin on the fist equipped with the spatual of +1 cooking speed, a small frown on his face that began to wrinkle. All the while, the Elf Girl clutched onto her important looking book, as if it was a life perserver in water.
"...Bitsy-boo... Why do you want to take over the world again?"
"Isn't it obvious? To make it a better place! So no one will try and kill each other or even attempt to conquer another country! I hate it when all it takes for nations to disappear is the greed of one man, be it the King of Emperor."
"... Let me guess. First day at Political Science didn't sit well with you."
"Can I drop it?"
"You need the extra credit to graduate."
"I have the Track and Field Club! I'm the best runner there is known in our village! The club is all I need!!"
"Then you'll be 0.5 credit short from graduating."
"Rat b@stards."
The Elf girl growled and stomped her small foot into the tiles. As she remembered she had already removed her shoes, she regret slapping her heel into the hard ivory tiles. It was hurting now, as if she stepped on a nail (god forbid).
"...........I don't want to listen to people talk about important things, when really it's nothing but idiots trying to backstab each other for personal gains... Even our class projects and exercises reflects on that fact. We're either embezzling crayons or acting as a spy for another rival group...... I really hate politics."
"You still need that 0.5 credit. And it's hard to change classes now since it's already three weeks in. Not all teachers like having a new face pop into their class, just when they've finally memorized everyone's names. They'll see you like an ex-convict or something."
"....I'll do anything."
"Now, now. Don't be that desperate. Or else people will take advantage of you."
"................................................................."
"......Sigh... You're mother will hate me for suggesting this, but take Engineering."
"Why would mom hate you for this?"
"Because she wants you to become a hot nurse... or a hot doctor... maybe a hot nurse practitioner...Regardless, she said it was either that one career route... or I will have to wear a chastity belt for the rest of my Elf life..."
"......................................................"
"...So what I'm trying to say is...Take Engineering."
"..............I love you so much, dad."
"Don't misunderstand. I want to see this submarine become a reality. So don't make my sacrifice be in vain... I'm counting on you to save my personal life from eternal frustration."
[https://66.media.tumblr.com/572f45ad3ccb6622a0d8a75591cbb043/tumblr_pnr1czw6jv1wqnuuso1_1280.pnj]
"Hmmm....Dad...It's already noon. Didn't you make breakfast yet?"
"..............................................................."
"... Oh god, please tell me you're not trying something new with Mother. A-at least give me a warning."
"....................................................................................."
"... Hold up, Mom's still in her bed. Sh-she's the one to ask me to get Dad to make breakfast..."
"...................................................................................."
"Dad?"
Once upon a time... rather, it was only the day after the Kitchen Affair.
It was decided the Elf Man will help drop the Elf Girl out from Poltical Science, and transfer her to the Engineering Class. Having been an Adventurer meant he had a lot of friends. Friends who had either age or marriage caught up to their youth, forcing them to pursue other careers. Particularly, some monster hunters turn school teacher. With some favors owed, he was confident he could tweak the odds in his daughter's favor.
That was the plan.
But it was the morning of the next day. No bed alarms were raised. No one woke her up. The teen Elf girl was forced to abandon her warm bed and cozy room, just to see why the main floor was so quiet.
Normally she would hear the sounds of pots and pan clapping around, like shoes on a swinging dance floor. Cooking in full swing.
Or, she would hear questionable sounds of... her parents clapping around on the counters... Loving in full swing.
Either audio cues were enough to tell the Half-Elf it was just a regular day at home.
But this morning... there were no sounds to tell her it was a regular day at home. Nothing.
It was just too quiet.
"...Dad?"
"..........................................................................."
"Th-this isn't a game right? I-I'm too old to play hide and seek."
".........................................................................."
"... J-just as a warning. I'm not mom. So please don't stuff me in a burlap sack and take me down to the basement for some shady play. Y-you'll regret ruining your daughter's future!"
"............................................................................"
"Dad? Dad! C-come on, this isn't funny any more..."
".........................................................................."
"......Aahh..."
The Elf Girl wanted to say 'Dad' again... but her throat locked up.
What would scare the living daylights out of her, was if she saw a pair of feet lying across the ground. That was why she was hesitant to run down the stairs. She stepped down, one by one, inching her visual stretch only inch by inch. The last step, would help her to conclude what happened in the main floor... one step... but she lacked the courage to make such a simple leap of faith.
".....Dad... I... I'm sorry about being rude to you. I-I know its a rebellious phase, I-I'll grow out of it!"
"........................................................................."
"Please. I-I promise to behave... F-fine, I-I'll wear the custom mini-skirt you've made for me! A-and I won't wear shorts under it! S-scout's honor!"
"......................................................................."
".....Dad! Mom is ready to have a baby brother or sister!"
The Elf Girl braced herself.
Using that trump card, she was expecting a monsoon or whirlwind of a sprint to crash into her and leap up the flight of stairs to dive into her parent's room. That split second window was the only warning she'll get, when the Elf Man heard his Human Wife was ready for him for... passionate interrogatoins.
.................................
Nothing.
No one crashing into the young Elf Girl. No one popped up behind her and pulled at her side-tail to surprise her. Not even jack@ss who would roll out of a closet to hold up a sign saying you've been punked.
No one came for that young girl who was no longer smaller than a boot or bicycle.
"Dad... I love you...... Answer me..."
"........................................................................."
"D-Dad. It's true, I really love you! S-so please...come back... where did you go?"
"........................................................................"
"Dad? I...is it because... I'm a Half-Blood... that you don't want me?"
"......................................................................"
"WHETHER IT'S A TRUTH OR A LIE, PLEASE SAY SOMETHING! DAD! DAAAD! DAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAD!"
[https://66.media.tumblr.com/572f45ad3ccb6622a0d8a75591cbb043/tumblr_pnr1czw6jv1wqnuuso1_1280.pnj]
"DAD!?"
"U-um. N-no, I-I'm not dad, Big Sis. I'm Nello."
".......N...Nello? Wh...what are you doing in my house? Wh-where's mom?"
"... Big Sis. You're sleeping in my tummy."
"............... Oh... Right... I'm... I'm an Adventurer now. Right. I'-I'm sorry for scaring you Nello."
"I-it's okay... but you've been crying out in your sleep. You even kicked my console."
"I-I did? I-I'm so sorry. Wh-where on your dials or levels does it hurt?"
"It's okay Big Sis, I-I feel better now... But um... Did something bad happen?"
"........"
"... Do you want to talk about it?"
"No."
"Meap! I-I'm sorry, Big Sis!"
"... No I, I didn't mean to be so harsh I... I'm tired... I'll go back to sleep... W...we'll talk in the morning."
"R-right. I-I understand... Good night, Big Sis. And please have a good dream."
"... Yeah... Good night, Nello...I'm...sorry."