Mirai and the principal waited for the last two girls of the special class to arrive as they drank coffee. Not because they were sleepy but because it was the first thing the principal found when he wanted to drink something in the morning.
Just as the sun was finally over the horizon a knock was heard on the door.
“Enter.” The principal said, taking a last sip of his coffee.
“Good Morning.” Shishen said as she entered the room. Narissa was seen for a moment but she waited outside.
Focusing on the cat girl in front of them, both Mirai and the principal could see why they received a warning the day before from Mathias. The girl was a mess. Besides being clean and dressed, you couldn’t say much more positive about her. It looked like she was in the middle of a mental breakdown and tried to fight herself and win to fix the situation.
“Sit here my dear. Also, I guess you two wanna do this alone, one at the time, right?” Mirai said, motioning for Shishen to sit besides her, something the girl did.
“...Yes.” Shishen said as she sat really close to Mirai.
“So, what do you have to report to us?” The principal said as calmly and warmly as he could.
“Well… I guess I need to start somewhere so let’s start with what I was supposed to do there. I spend most of my time healing soldiers and when possible civilians. I thought at first I would have a lot of downtime but by following a tip Mia gave me I managed to stretch my mana in ways I didn’t think was possible.” Shishen said neutrality. Once she mentioned Mia she began to look a little distressed. So once she finished speaking she took a moment to calm down before continuing.
“I would like to know what she told you because as far I am aware she is incapable of using healing magic.” the principal said.
“She told me that healing magic is inefficient and that I should divide what I am doing in parts. Start healing the deep parts of the wound first and go up instead of just using a spell on everything at once. It helped a lot. I managed to keep some people alive that wouldn’t have resisted the shock of get a powerful healing spell on them.”
“Looks like you didn’t manage to save everyone you wanted. Are you alright with that?” Mirai asked.
“...Yes, yes. I am a little sad about it but I was prepared. You can’t save everyone. I saved a lot of people though.”
“And after that?” The principal asked.
“... After that was when those monsters appeared.” Shishen said almost angrily, but also afraid. “We were going to welcome Mia back. She spent a lot of time in the dungeon alone so we wanted her to at least see someone familiar when she left. We found those guys from the Steps, right? They attacked us, I only ‘helped’ in the fight against the first one, the big guy. Then I mostly kept everyone in good shape with my healing. Out of everyone who actively used mana I think I was the one who used less.” Shishen said. Both Murai and the principal could see that she was visibly stressed while talking about what happened.
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“If you are not comfortable talking about what happened we can wait.” Mirai said.
“NO!no… I need to get this out now…” Shsihen said in a panic. Once she saw that they understood it and allowed her to continue, she did. “I can’t tell you much about how the fights went, what happened. It is all a blur to me now. What I can talk about is everything we did to Mia…We…I made a mistake. When I began to really focus on learning healing magic I always thought I would be one of those healers who would do anything to save their patients. The kind that would run into a battlefield, you know? But looks like I am a coward. The first chance I saw to leave that situation, I latched on. I kept telling myself that as a Healer I was more important than normal so I should keep myself alive. I felt some guilt doing it so I tried to take care of Mia but I wanted to live more.”
“It’s alright. You were afraid. Fear can cloud anyone’s judgment.” Mirai said.
“No! It’s not alright! I thought that I was ok with people dying for me but I am not! Not people I know, people I like! It took Mia to be beaten half to death in front of me for me to understand that! I should have said something before, then maybe she wouldn’t be in that state!” Shishen shouted as she lashed out mostly at herself.
“She is alive only thanks to you. Be proud of that!” The principal said.
“It wasn’t enough! It…It…! Principal, do you know about the first story they tell to everyone who starts to seriously train to be a healer?”
“I probably do but enlighten me.”
“If a warrior loses a fight, as long as he survives, he can train and try again. If a mage fails a spell, as long as he survives, he can study and try again. If a general loses a war, as long as he is not killed and the army still stands somewhat, he can learn and try again but as a healer you don’t get second chances. If you fail, someone will die so you can’t fail.”
“Yes. Not in those exact words but I do remember it. So what?”
“I failed. Just keeping someone alive is not enough, not if it is someone like Mia! I couldn’t stop her pain, physical or emotional. I couldn’t wash her, give her warm clothes, or even close her wounds. All I could do was keep her heart beating and her breathing. That wasn’t enough, not for me, not for her! Everyone says I am a prodigy. I was called a saintess. Kat herself more than once said to me that In a few years I could take her place and I still couldn’t heal the one time she actually needed it. I can barely sleep because I don’t know why that happened! I had to use my strongest spell, one that I could use to pretty much bring someone back to life and all it did was keep her barely alive! What if at some point someone important to me dies because I wasn’t good enough? I feel like a failure! I want to quit! To just leave this shame behind me!” Shishen said very emotionally, pouring all her sadness, anger and frustration out.
“Failure is a very normal and important part of life. What matters in how and what you learn from it.” The principal said.
“Is Kat really able to heal Mia?”
“Yes. We are receiving regular reports. Mia is in good health now. Just resting for the most part.”
“I want to talk with Kat! I need to learn how she is doing it! I need to know! She isn’t allowing anyone to even come to her floor.” Shishen said desperately.
“We can make sure that she will hear you out when possible. But you need to first take care of yourself.” Mirai said.
“What’s wrong with me?”
“What isn’t wrong with you? I understand that you are extremely distressed but haven’t you looked in a mirror?” Mirai said, trying to change the mood a little.
“I had to find something that could heal Mia! I looked everywhere! I couldn’t find anything so I also had to train! What if someone goes wrong and they need my help?” Shishen said with her strange desperation coming to the front again.
“There will be no need for that, at least for now. We don’t want to see you like that and neither would she so you should truly rest.” The principal said.
“...Ok, ok. I will do that. Mia doesn’t like dirt people.” Shishen said. Looking like everything was finished. Shishen got up and moved to the door. Narissa was on the other side and they soon passed each other.