“At first, art imitates life. Then life will imitate art. Then life will find its very existence from the arts.”

~ Fyodor Dostoevsky

7:49 a.m.

"Good morning! Still sick. I don't want to get u sick! How r u?"

ME: “Good morning! I’m good! Sorry to hear you’re still under the weather. Would still love to see you. I’m impervious babe!”

ANYA: “Okay!!! Don’t blame me if u get sick! I’m excited to c u! Can’t wait! C u at noon!”

Like a lack of food or sleep, my heart needed her. I hadn’t seen her in eleven days, nearly two weeks, the longest period of time apart from her I’ve experienced in seven months, as it was hard to believe I lived without her in my life for thirty-six years yet only eleven days separated us and it destroyed me inside. As determined as I was to save her from a godforsaken marriage to a god awful man, and as much as I trusted Anya’s love was real, the failures from my past and my bouts with low self-esteem were just as real too. My past heartbreaks had me in a python’s grip for years so not only was there a battle between a difference in ideals with Jackson Caiaphas, but also a battle within myself, and my distorted self-perception. Before I met Anya, my mind overtook my heart, and solidified its insurgency as it laid claim to its new territory, but now my heart rebelled to gain back the ground it once controlled. My mind however refused to give it up, hunkered down and wanted back what it lost. It wanted me to accept earth again, but I didn’t want to go back there as I held on to the belief my soul, my heart, and my innate being was reality.

Even though I was involved in an extramarital relationship, I was not an advocate for divorce. I always believed if people were able to work things out between them then you should allow them to. After seven months though, my view no longer applied to Anya’s situation especially when she told me about the three things no one should ever give up on in life, that being with me was her hope, wish and dream. If her husband had been a husband other than by contract, even now after seven months, I would push her to him, but he was only a father, and not a husband nor had he truly ever been one. Furthermore, if there was a God, he lied to him too through his wedding vows, and continued to spit in His face even years after they were made. Notwithstanding another important fact; I was also the second man Anya dated in her marriage so I felt our relationship was not a mistake as she even informed me she’d have zero regrets no matter what happened. That was a huge statement to make in a laundry list full of huge statements over the last seven months as her words simply told me she wanted to be real too, and she didn’t want to be a fraud like her husband. Not one time did she ever tell me she still loved him or wanted to be with him as she just went through the motions to make her kids feel safe. It bothered me she lied to her kids but I knew she only did so out of fear. She wasn’t trying to hurt them but protect them, and I understood that, but I also felt if she came clean to them, didn’t treat them like they were too young to see or feel the tension around them, they wouldn’t hold it against her later because kids weren’t dumb and they could pick up on things. I felt I had to give her some time to work on this for herself though, and not to pressure her. Unfortunately, my mind wanted to advance on the ground my heart now held, and it was tough to fight off.

10:36 a.m.

“Here!”

My heart began to dance inside my chest when I received her text and when I saw her at my gate for the first time in eleven days, in hot white pants and a purple top, the butterflies inside burst from their cocoons. After my personal declaration, what if her feelings had diminished for me? I also decided not to mention anything about her husband. I feared if she knew he was a client of my firm, she’d grasp at it, and choose to stay in her marriage out of fear forever. If I was truly committed to fighting for her, I had to keep it to myself until the right time came as I believed the more time we spent together the more she’d be inclined to work things out for us to be together. When the kids were in school, she could at least hide her emotions from them, but when they were out for the summer, it was difficult so I had to take the high road at least for now and keep the knowledge I held about her husband a mystery. As long as Debbie didn’t spill the beans to her it was a good strategy, as I believed I gave her the impression on the night of the recital Anya already told me who her husband was.

We wasted no time getting reacquainted, and it made me laugh inside about the fear her feelings changed for me. We were separated by five months at one time, and nothing changed between us then so why now after the seven greatest months of our lives? After a lengthy session of affection, we settled in each other arms like snug pebbles on a sandy beach. I really enjoyed our talks in bed after we made love, but it made me nervous at times because I feared she might reveal something that could still my heart and stimulate my mind. I felt we both risked everything now to be in this relationship, and the last thing I wanted to hear was any negativity.

“I’m sorry, but I have to leave my phone on now.” she said to me. “He’s starting to call me at lunch time. I guess I didn’t answer my phone at lunch a couple of times he called.”

“Well, I guess a cheater would know about those kinds of things.” I said annoyed by his hypocrisy. “How does it make you feel?”

“To be honest babe.” she said as she looked up into my eyes. “It pisses me off.”

“Good, because I think it should.” I said. “I totally understand his curiosity, but he also knows the score. You’ve told him you’re only there for the kids, and you’re not in love with him. I feel at this point he chooses this life, and his only goal is to make you feel bad for his mistakes. You think he’d know by now if you don’t have trust in a marriage, you don’t have one.”

“I agree babe.” she said. “There is no marriage.”

It’s a sad statement, but that’s what I wanted to hear, and it was the truth. There is no marriage because there is no trust. A real marriage is not only recognized by our society but also by God, and trust is everything.

“I may be wrong but it’s why I wouldn’t consider you an adulterer, babe. There’s no real commitment anymore because of what he’s done, and if there’s a God, I don’t believe he recognizes your marriage because he’s an advocate for people in love.” I said. “Now if his philandering ways had not chipped your heart away for him, I believe this is an adulterous act and I would push you towards him, even now after all we shared. I just hope you know I’m not an advocate for divorce, I think it should be the last resort, but I feel I exist in your life for a good reason.”

“I know, babe. You’re a special man.” she said as she leaned in to kiss me. “Thank you for being in my life.”

“Thank you for being in mine.” I said, beginning to play with her hair.

“I went and saw “Sex and the City” with the girls last night.”

“You did? How was it?”

“It was great! We loved it!”

“My mom wants to see it really bad. She watches the show religiously. She tried to get me into it, but I couldn’t do it although I must admit, I do know the main characters now.” I came clean. “She doesn’t leave the house much anymore so I’ll just buy her the DVD when it comes out.”

“How is your mom?” she asked.

“She’s doing good, you know.” I said. “I mean…she still has the lesions on her skull, but the drugs are effective, and they’re keeping an eye on it. Whatever she’s been taking is working so there’s been no further evidence of the Cancer.”

Anya looked into my eyes with a deep concern, a feeling that gave me goosebumps, almost as if she knew something I didn’t know.

“I’m sorry to hear about your mom. I’ve not asked too many questions. It’s extremely personal and I don’t want to overstep my boundaries.” she explained. “But I’m here for you.”

“Thank you. I don’t talk about it much, but if there’s anyone I’d feel comfortable talking to about it would be you. I just don’t want to burden you with it.” I said. “I don’t think it’s right when you have a lot going on with your kids and everything else. I don’t want to take you away from them with my burdens. I’d feel bad.”

“Don’t feel bad. I want to hear about it and be there for you.” she stated. “I’m sad for you and your family, but I don’t worry about you like I do when I know I’ve hurt you.”

“I just try to be there for her as much as I can. I don’t go out anymore on the weekends. I spend the time hanging with her. I just wish there was more I could do.”

“What is happening is out of your hands and control. What you’re doing is the best thing. You’ve been at your mom’s side. Just being there means a lot. You’re a good son.”

“Thanks babe. I try.” I said. “I also know you’d never hurt me intentionally so please don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”

“I would never hurt you intentionally.” she said. “When you hurt, I hurt.”

I really trusted Anya never hurt me with any intent. The situation called for her to do certain things at this time, and I had to take the pain, to be a man about it and to understand this was a temporary thing I felt. There was a greater goal in life here, for some it’s to go to heaven, but for me, heaven consisted of a bent knee beneath a golden lighted Tower in Paris, France, and just like in heaven, there would be no more pain, just love.

“Have you ever read “The Bridges of Madison County?” she asked.

“I never have. Is it any good?”

“Any good? It’s one of the most popular novels written of all-time!”

“I’ve heard about it, but never thought about reading it. What’s it about?”

“It’s a story about a housewife who falls in love with another man.” she said. “The story reminds me of us.”

“What? And here all this time I thought it was about a bunch of bridges in Madison County. What a sham!” I joked. “I guess it’s a good idea to read it now.”

Anya then leaned in to kiss me as she struggled to hold in her laugh while she pressed her lips against mine as she spoke.

“I think you should watch the movie instead. Not as good as the book, but I know how busy you are.”

“I’ll tell you what. Let’s make a deal.” I said.

“Ok, what’s the deal?”

“I’ll watch the movie about bridges that’s not about even a single bridge, and you watch the movie “As Good as it Gets” with Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton because I think that movie reminds me of us too.” I countered. “Not that we’re old or anything like them, but the romantic scenes I could totally see ourselves in. Deal?”

“Ha! I can’t wait to watch it!” she said. “I love you, Landyn Lastman.”

“I love you too, Anya…Lastman.” I said with a nervous laugh.

“That’s my dream!”

“Thank God.” I said as I leaned in to kiss her again. “Mine too.”

When she left that day, even though my left arm pulled her back a few times back in bed as she tried to escape, I felt a great sense of relief as her visit solidified the decision I made to fight for her against all these odds in front of us. It was just really nice to know we picked up right where we left off, and the love between us never blinked.

I felt even more love from her a half hour later when she arrived at home.

2:12 p.m.

“IT WAS VERY NICE TO C U! I THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY CUTE WHEN YOU TOLD ME YOU HAD BUTTERFLIES. I HAD A GREAT TIME W/U! I WAS SO HAPPY! I MISS YOU ALREADY! I LOVE YOU FOREVER!”

ME: “I feel everything you just text me! I’m on Cloud 9! I love you forever! By the way, who wrote “The Bridges of Madison County?!”

ANYA: “Robert James Waller. The story only reminds me of us because they fell in love so quickly, instant connection. She didn’t know how unhappy she was until she met him.”

ME: “I’ll watch the movie but thought I should at least know who wrote it.”

ANYA: “Ok, babe. You won’t like the ending though. She ultimately stays with the family but she really wanted to leave with the photographer. Sad.”

I really didn’t know what to make of her “you won’t like the ending” statement because I felt she shouldn’t care much for the ending as well. Before I erred on the side of my sensitivity, I figured I should watch the movie first then see how it made me feel, but her statement left me curious about one thing.

ME: “Did you want her to leave with the photographer?”

ANYA: “I did, but like her I was willing to accept it. I love you!”

First, Anya told me the only reason the movie reminded her of us was because of the instant connection, but now she mentioned like the housewife she too was willing to accept it? I began to fear Anya felt a parallel existed in the movie between her and the housewife, and it began to worry me. As crazy as it sounded, I now desperately needed to see this flick. I understood it was a work of fiction, but art at times was known to imitate life, as I thought it could provide me with some insight into how she truly felt about our situation.

The next day was Independence Day, a day to celebrate the birth of a country, but little did I realize it also marked the birth of my knowledge of Anya’s struggle at home.

8:36 a.m.

“Good morning! Happy 4th baby! Have a fun and safe day! Prayers for u and ur family! I love you! Xoxo!!!”

The Fourth of July brought with it a special day for her; the day her son was born. I wanted to respect their time together as her son had a list of things he wanted to do so I expected to hear very little from her if at all, but unknown to me, this day would bring out emotions in her I had never seen. I rarely did anything on the Fourth of July, as it was usually a day I spent with my parents, but on this day, my good childhood friend Vance, who I hadn’t seen in a few years, invited me to his home in Palos Verdes for a barbecue and to watch the fireworks. Vance and his wife lived on top of a hill and literally almost every firework show in Los Angeles County could be seen from his house as I accepted his invitation without hesitation. He was truly a happily married man and a perfect example why I always believed marriages were realistic when people were with others for the right reasons.

At this point, my mother was the only one I told about my relationship. I told no one else, not out of shame, but out of respect for the situation, but I was also honest to a fault. I understood little white lies, but overall, I hated dishonesty, and I felt if people burned to know the truth about something, you respected them enough to not drive them crazy, and you gave it to them. I knew one thing for certain though, Vance was going to ask me about my dating status, always a hot topic among my friends because they were true friends, and they cared about me. They were friends I had known my entire life, and not just people I met because I lived in the same neighborhood or through business or money. Not that those kinds of people could never be true friends, but there was something to be said about people you’ve known your entire life and to maintain those friendships over twenty-five years displayed a special kind of loyalty and trust that’s hard to find. Although most of my friends were married, and we never hung out or talked as much as we used to, we could always still pick up the phone at any time and be right where we left off even years later, and it wasn’t even ten minutes after I arrived before “the question” flew my way.

“I am. If you can believe it.”

“Really? How long have you been seeing her?”

“About seven months now.” I said. “but we’ve known each other for over a year.”

“Is it serious?”

“You can say that.”

“Oh wow. So when do we get to meet this lucky lady?”

“Umm…unfortunately it’s a little bit complicated, Vance.”

“Logistics?” he asked. “Does she live far away like the girl you met on the cruise did? Just let us know when she’s in town and we’ll have you guys over for dinner. It would be no trouble at all.”

“Logistics.” I laughed half heartedly. “I wish it was just a matter of distance.”

“What else can it be then?”

“Well Vance, she’s sort of…” I stammered. “she’s sort of married at the moment.”

“No way.”

“Yeah, she is. Crazy, huh?”

“Knowing you my entire life and knowing how picky you are, that’s really hard to believe.”

“It’s not something I jumped into without a great deal of thought and consideration, I can assure you. In fact, it’s been really hard on me because I can’t talk to anyone about it. Her husband has been unfaithful to her several times, even when she was pregnant with her son. He even cheated on her with another married woman and wrecked that marriage. Over time, I just got to know her and she ended up being this really wonderful person, Vance. There’s a lot of love between us, and she told me she would only leave him if someone was there for her, so here I am.”

“Her husband sounds like he has some major issues.” he said.

“Well, luckily for him he has money and kids so he can hide them.” I said. “There’s even more to this story, but I don’t really want to get into it if you don’t mind.”

“I totally understand.” he said. “Do you think he’ll come after you if he finds out?”

“I don’t think so.” I said. “He has too much to lose.”

“I see. Well, I really hope it works out for you Land. I worry about you though because you’ve had some shitty luck but I’ve known you my whole life and I know how you are. She must be really special.”

“I appreciate that and yes, she is. It’s not easy being single these days. It’s a lot different now than it was when our parents grew up. Even though we have more outlets to meet people than they did, we have more of a pool to choose from and I think it makes it more difficult to meet people. It would have been much easier if I met someone in high school or even college but I never did. A lot of single women just don’t get it until after they’re married. I’ve watched them go for all the wrong things in men and after a while of just spectating because you don’t trust the games they play, you become jaded and opinionated. I thought for me to ignore someone who came to me; I never pursued her, I felt I’d be neglecting the universe’s plan for me, and I needed to pay attention to it regardless of her situation. To me, it was like leaving a stray puppy out on a busy street. There are so many jerkoffs out there who would hurt her just like a speeding careless driver, but she came right to me and I felt if I didn’t take this woman into my heart it would put her in harm’s way. Like a stray puppy she couldn’t see the dangers out there like I did because I’ve been out on the busy street most of my life, and I couldn’t leave her out there to get hurt, again. If I didn’t believe she would leave her husband, I would not be in her life, but she told me if she fell in love with me, she would be with me. So, I feel it’s just a matter of time now.”

“Land.” said Vance as he put a hand firmly on my shoulder. “I really hope I get to meet her one day.”

“I hope so too.”

For the first time, I got to open up about the beat of my heart as I shared all these great feelings for her I held inside for seven months, and for the entire late afternoon, I couldn’t stop singing her praises as I’m sure Anya’s ears were ringing when she text me.

3:51 p.m.

“Hope ur having a good 4th! I miss u! I love u!”

I always loved to receive her uninitiated texts. They meant everything for me to see and to know, but they were especially nice to receive in the company of my friends, the only thing I was missing was her.

When the sun finally went down at around eight, it sounded more like an invasion than a fireworks show as I didn’t know whether to grab a lawn chair or to start digging a fox hole. When I finally sat down to take in all the various shows around me over the city lights, and even among my closest friends I began to feel alone and saddened Anya could not be with me. As the neon blues, greens and bright reds lit up the sky, all I could do was sit there under the same dark sky and wonder if she could see the same shows I did, as I searched for the show she probably could see so I could pretend to enjoy it with her. After twenty minutes, it just got to be too much and while all the couples sat outside, I quietly walked inside Vance’s house to take my mind off the missing.

When it seemed the celebratory bombings neared their end, Anya sent me a text.

8:45 p.m.

“Xoxo!!!”

As greatly as I missed her, I didn’t want to distract her from her son’s big day so I text her an “Xoxo!!!” in response. She didn’t need to know I missed her at the sight and sound of each and every firework, but it was nice to know she might have felt the same thing I did.

She then sent me a text that summed up our struggle.

9:30 p.m.

“Just came home alone. I left a party early b/c I missed u and couldn’t stand pretending I was having a good time! I hate it! Goodnight! I love you!”

When I read her text, it shocked me and broke my heart at the same time. I loved the fact she left because she couldn’t stand pretending, but the last thing I wanted was for her to bail on her son and for anyone to suspect anything because she left a party early. I wanted and needed her to enjoy herself whenever she was out with people, and to not think of me or us, but I felt the same thing she did so I knew it was impossible. Even though I was in PV with the best of friends, I felt alone simply because I wished she was with me, and I wanted so badly for my friends to know this wonderful human being who not only made me elated about life, but who also in many ways saved my life. As much as it saddened me to receive her text, I felt this also represented a breakthrough. A significant moment in our relationship, and one I yearned for; a leaning towards the truth, as we were both honest people in a dishonest situation and that’s what made it extremely difficult. In my eyes, this woman was not the cheater; Her husband was the real cheater as he used fear against her and not love throughout their marriage as he instilled a dread in her that even her own kids would hate her if she left him versus the truth that her kids would always love her for the simple undeniable fact she was their mother.

Her text however provided me with an opportunity to share what I thought our relationship was mostly about; if not all about.

ME: “I’m sorry baby, I’ve thought of you all day. I talked to my best friend about the old times but I didn’t care about talking about them, no matter how fun they were. Instead I wanted to tell him all about the most wonderful human being I’ve ever met and tell him all about the truest love I’ve found in her that most people can only dream about. Sometimes babe, I feel our relationship is a lot more than just love. It’s about you not having to pretend anymore. It’s about being honest with yourself so u can be honest w/all those around you. So you can just be real, free and to feel again b/c whether you want to believe it or not, that is really important to you. I know this because I’m in your life, and I feel extremely lucky b/c I get to know the real Anya. I get something I believe no one else does, I get the real Anya every day; the sweetest, most considerate, most unselfish woman I have ever met and b/c of that alone you will always be the most beautiful woman I have ever met. I love you forever. Goodnight.”

After I sent this text I wondered how she would respond to it. I even began to fear in the morning after she had settled down, she might grasp at it in some way, but her text gave me a chance to express myself and I had to seize the moment no matter the outcome. I knew without a doubt, she wouldn’t have taken a chance with me and risked “everything” if she didn’t want to be real or normal again. When she left the party early, it proved to me she was just too good of a person to be fake as I believed our love opened her eyes about the falsehoods around her.

7:57 a.m.

“Good morning! Thank you for the sweet text last night! Hope u had a good time with your friends. Hope ur not sick!”

ME: “Good morning! Ha! I’m impervious babe remember? I left my friend’s house before the fireworks ended as well. What did you tell your friends when you left the party early?”

ANYA: “I told them I had sinus pressure. Glad u didn’t get it! Still impervious! You did? Really? Did your friends say anything?”

ME: “Not at all. It was a long day. They understood.”

ANYA: “Oh I c. The fireworks made me sad because I wanted to watch them with you.”

ME: “They made me sad too babe, for the very same reason. I imagined watching them with you in my arms. I actually had to get up and walk inside the house because it got that hard. I just stayed inside and listened to them. I just couldn’t stand to watch them without you.”

ANYA: “Isn’t it amazing how our emotions and feelings r so mutual?

ME: “That’s why what we have is so special. It’s not always like this for most people.”

ANYA: “I agree. My friends asked me this morning why I took off last night. I used my sinus headache as an excuse when it in fact it was b/c I was missing u.”

Our show of emotions was the real fireworks spectacle to behold as Independence Day now held an entirely different meaning to me. The Fourth of July brought with it a testament to the depth of our love as we both sought independence from our situation, a circumstance that became increasingly difficult to accept more and more each day.

After our Saturday morning exchange, I decided to go out and buy “The Bridges of Madison County” DVD. The movie started simple enough as two adults, Michael and Carolyn, return to the farmhouse of their recently deceased mother to figure out how the estate would be settled. As they open the safe deposit box, they learn their mother’s burial wishes were not to be buried next to their father but to have her cremated and for her ashes to be thrown off a nearby covered bridge in, you guessed it, Madison County. As they go through the contents they learn their mother, Francesca Johnson played by Meryl Streep, had an affair with a man by the name of Robert Kincaid, played by Clint Eastwood. Michael, however was quick to judge and greatly upset by the discovery, but Carolyn doesn’t rush to judgment and digs deeper to learn all behind their mother’s request. The movie then tells the story of how during the time her husband took Michael and Carolyn to the Illinois State Fair for a few days, Francesca innocently meets and then falls in love with Robert, a freelance photographer with National Geographic who came to photograph a covered bridge in, of all places, Madison County.

As the movie concluded, I had very mixed feelings about it. I agreed with Anya; it did remind me of us because of how quickly they fell in love, but although I thought I would, I didn’t find it too sad when she decided to stay with the family simply because Francesca Johnson’s husband was such a good man. I just felt if she left with the photographer after knowing him for only three days she would be abandoning not only a good man but her kids as well. Robert didn't live just down the block; he was pretty much a full-time traveler so where would the beauty in this story lie if she left with him? I felt bad for Robert Kincaid, but I guess I'd have to be a female to feel any sadness for Francesca Johnson.

When Francesca informed Robert she decided to stay with her husband she stated that “when a woman makes her decision to marry and have children she has to fulfill that obligation.” In Francesca’s situation with Robert, I agreed with her, but I was troubled when I began to consider the possibility this reason applied to all women who decide to marry and have children. When a woman is emotionally abused for years and been cheated on numerous times by her husband, I felt this statement had many fallacies, as in Anya’s case this could not be communicated with an ounce of understanding from me. If Anya was sad about Francesca’s decision to stay with the family after only a three-day love affair, how would she feel after a seven-month relationship? Not only would it be sad in Anya’s situation if she stayed with “the family”, it would be absolutely tragic.

This movie was an example of something that would never illicit or evoke any kind of feeling in me before I met Anya, and I would even go as far to say, I would’ve never cared to watch the movie or read the book if I hadn’t met her. In the end, the message Francesca’s kids seemed to take from learning of her mother’s affair was to pursue happiness, and life was too short to be unhappily spent. The spirit of her mother’s story gives Carolyn the courage to end her own troubled marriage, and helps Michael become more appreciative of his own family he appeared to neglect. Francesca Johnson did the right thing by staying for the sake of her children as three days with someone hardly qualified as a reason to leave a truly loving husband and family behind. In Anya’s case, I didn’t believe staying with her family was the right thing to do because of her husband. Francesca’s husband was a faithful and loving spouse. Anya’s husband committed the greatest crime in any marriage, and he did it more than once, and the price should be her love. If Francesca’s husband was Jackson Caiaphas and she stayed, I would have loved to see how the readers and audience would react to that, and how the popularity of this novel would be affected.

After I watched the movie, the message to Anya was simply this; be true to yourself so you could be true and real to those around you. She was too honest of a person for our kind of relationship and when she left the party early it only proved my point. I believed if she left him, the message to her kids would be a great one; to pursue happiness and a real love in life. Do not chase money. Do not settle. Marry for the right reasons. If you make a mistake in life, you can change it. Be courageous; change is a natural thing. If Anya stayed in her marriage, I felt she would send the wrong message to her kids as they would become victims and slaves to fear, not progress. If Anya was not truly happy how could any happiness be reflected upon her children? They already thought she was unloving. Anya unloving? I couldn’t fathom it. What could be a greater message than leaving money for true love? If she stayed, her kids would think money was the most important thing to have in life. They would end up not doing anything for the sake of their own sanity and end up in an “unrealistic” marriage. How could Anya want the kind of marriage she has for her own kids? A marriage that allows a spouse to feel compelled to approach people in bars because their unhappiness is so great? If Anya chose to stay in her marriage, she would in essence be choosing to be dishonest with herself and those around her, including her kids. How could she ever make such a decision? At least she had a valid reason for going astray much more than Francesca Johnson did, and women all over the country, probably the world, fell in love with this story, even felt saddened when she didn’t leave with the photographer.

Later that evening Anya sent me a thoughtful and sweet “I love you” text out of the blue and then followed it up with another one about a half hour later that put some fear into my heart.

This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

10:16 p.m.

“R u there?”

ME: “I’m here, babe. How r u?”

ANYA: “Took Andrew to see the “Hulk” movie. It was good, love story. It reminded me of us. He’d do anything for her. I cried. I don’t know why I’m so sensitive right now. How’s your mom?”

ME: “” The Hulk” really made you cry? I’m sorry, Sweetheart. How did “The Hulk” remind you of us? Mom is doing well. Very sweet of you to ask. By the way I watched “Bridges of Madison County” today.”

ANYA: “U watched it! What did u think? Sad huh? Hulk was a love story b/c he wanted to be “normal” again so he can be w/his love. He was willing to do anything to be with her.”

ME: “I enjoyed it. It’s sad, but I think she made the right choice to stay with the family. It sure makes you think though.”

ANYA: “Babe, I’m really having a hard time right now. I just miss u so much I can’t handle it. I miss our closeness. Can u have tea tomorrow if I can get away?”

This was what I loved most about her. She felt the same things I did, and she was honest about it. No pride. Just love.

ME: “Please don’t have a hard time Sweetheart. I’m here, my love. Of course I can. I miss you just as much, if not more. Let’s do tea tom if you can get away.”

ANYA: “I love you forever.”

I knew nearly every second of every day how this hard time felt like, and it was easy to see how she related to the Hulk; how like him she longed to be normal again, free from her marriage so she could be with the one she loved, but she feared her kids would hate her if she left now, and I had to understand her struggle as hard as it was on me too. I sure in the hell wasn’t going anywhere, but my heart broke for her every time she struggled. As much as it broke my heart to see her have a hard time, it also made me feel safe with all the feelings I held for her, and for a man with a lifetime full of low self-esteem to draw from, it meant the world.

The next morning, she sent me a text to let me know if she could make tea.

8:04 a.m.

“Good morning! I hope ur still impervious b/c I’m still sick! 10:30 ok w/u?”

ME: “Still impervious over here! See u at 10:30!”

Any day I’d get a chance to see her also marked the impetus of potentially one of the greatest days in my life. If I had a top ten list of my life’s greatest moments in the last thirty-seven years, at least eight of the ten came with Anya over the last seven months. It was crazy how much her beautiful smiling face in my line of sight made my entire day. She was like a million-dollar winning lottery ticket; the only thing I ever won in my life.

I showed up ten minutes early at the “Good Morning Café”, and went in to buy her an unsweetened passion iced tea and a hot green tea for myself to avoid her presence in the public eye. As usual she showed up on time and when I saw her she waved excitedly at me as her beauty powered my heart beat. She then literally jumped into my car and leaned over to kiss me as I breathed in her sweet fresh scent. She held my right hand as we drove off to our sacred spot by the children’s park and the high brick wall. When I stopped my engine, we both stopped our light conversation to reach for each other. This time though we just could not stop kissing. You would think this kind of thing got old after a while, but it never did as it always felt like the first time while we treated it as if it could be the last time. She then ran her fingers through my hair and began to massage my scalp and it stopped me in my tracks because it felt so good. I then crashed my lips deeply into hers as I ran my hands through her silky long dark hair. After forty minutes of unbridled affection, we decided to take a breather as we both felt relieved and refreshed to be together once again. She then drove her lovely eyes into mine to inform me of some news.

“I had to tell my friend, the one who just got divorced, that you and I are just friends.” she said. “She asked about you. About us. Her husband is friends with my husband.”

“Ok.” I said a little disheartened.

“Well, that’s what we really are. Just friends.”

“Sure, we are.” I said with a forged smile. “Friends always do the things we do with each other.”

“Well, you know what I mean. Are you okay?”

“I’m sorry babe, I’m okay. I understand. I know technically we’re just friends.” I said. “It’s just, well…you know. After all we’ve shared it’s tough to hear. I know you have to tell her that though. Thanks for letting me know.”

“You don’t have the “Seven Month Itch” do you?” she asked.

“The “Seven Month Itch”? What’s that?”

“Well, people actually call it the “Seven Year Itch”.”

“I don’t get it. Why do they call it that?”

“People say after seven years in a relationship you get an itch and you need to scratch it.” she explained. “That after seven years you get tired of your partner and you start to look for ways to get out of the relationship.”

“If that’s the case can you do me a favor?”

“What babe?”

“Can you at least give me another six years and five months before you ask me this question again?”

“Ha!” she laughed. “Okay, babe!”

“Do you have a “Seven Month Itch” that needs scratching?” I said as I playfully began to scratch at her.

She did not say a word, she just shook her head and laughed heartily as my hands made her feel ticklish.

“I can’t fathom ever having a need to scratch this itch even after seven decades let alone seven years.” I said. “My love for you is anti-itch.”

She then leaned in to kiss me as she struggled to hold back her laughter, and after another twenty minutes of uninterrupted kissing and caressing, I then reluctantly began the gloomy drive back to the shopping center where her car was parked.

After one final kiss goodbye she exited my car, but just as sudden as her visit came to an end, she abruptly reappeared and began to tap on my passenger side window.

“Babe, I left my sunglasses.” she said after I rolled down the window.

“Okay.” I said as I began to search for them on my passenger seat.

In the middle of my hunt however she suddenly opened the door and jumped back into my passenger side seat as our lips met once again. A few minutes later, I slowly pulled away and began to lightly touch the side of her face to look at her as her eyes took me in. As I absorbed all the love in her eyes, for the first time I didn’t see someone I loved, but I saw my entire life. It felt as if she was my wife, and here we were together right in the middle of life to take each other away from the stress of it. Two people who truly leaned on each other, who found solace in our feelings and who pounced on a special spontaneous moment before us. She stayed an extra ten minutes with me before she finally retrieved her glasses and it was the most memorable part of the time we spent together that day, if not the best part.

She then sent me a text a couple of hours later that announced how she felt and captured all I did.

3:00 p.m.

“I miss you and love you very much!!!”

ME: “This might surprise you if you take into consideration the 7-month itch, but I miss you and love you very much too!”

ANYA: “Ha! Glad you don’t have the 7-month itch! I couldn’t kiss you enough today. I wished we were back in your room! I miss our physical touch. I am so in love with you. Can you go home for “lunch” on Wednesday? If you can’t, I’ll drive to you.”

ME: “Is this a trick question or something? I can get away for “Lunch” on Wednesday! Thanks Babe! Words alone could never begin to express how much I love you.”

ANYA: “I love you more than you know.”

ME: “I know babe. I know more than you think I do. I’ve seen and felt your struggle all week. No 7-month itch here, I promise you.”

ANYA: “Maybe if we had everyday together for 7 months???”

ME: “Well, I can’t speak on your behalf. You might lose interest in me, but I would never get tired of you, simply because you’re more than someone I’m just fond of, you’re also my best friend. That’s what makes all the difference in the world. We could always find something to do or talk about if we got bored because we enjoy each other’s company and have a lot in common. I’ve never felt this strongly about anyone or anything before. Unless you cheated on me or lost interest in me, there’s no way I’d ever lose interest in you.”

ANYA: “I could never lose interest in you. I would never cheat on you.”

ME: “Then we’d last forever babe b/c I would never do the same! Ever! I truly love you more than I love myself. I truly believe if we spent everyday together for the last 7 months, we would only find ourselves deeper in love. More memories, more fun, and less frustration all equates to that. Remove the situation and we’re in heaven, just you and I.”

ANYA: “I agree babe. What a dream! I think I’ve just graduated from one wooden leg to two wooden legs!!! That’s big for me!”

ME: “I’m still a little insecure though. Can you throw in a hook for good measure?”

ANYA: “Okay! Throw in the hook! What the hell at this point! I love you forever!”

I knew I was her dream, but the truth was I didn’t want us to be just a dream; I wanted us to be a reality. The end of this day brought with it a good feeling though as it was good to know if I ever lost a hand and two legs, I’d still find myself in pretty good shape.

In just three days, Anya would be leaving with her daughter for New York City as we planned to see each other on my lunch hour the day before she left. Anya told me she hoped to leave her laptop at home on her trip, but she feared something would come up as something always did because of her job. With a suspicious husband who was also her boss, I figured she’d have to bring it as much as she hoped not to. On the day after we met for tea, she sent a text to inform me her son’s all-star baseball team was winning its game twelve to three in a double elimination tournament. She also told me before his game, Andrew gave her a hard time about the attire she wore at the game, which struck me odd because it sounded as if she dressed ostentatiously at his games. It threw me off only because Anya always exuded class in her attire whenever I saw her. It then led me to wonder what she wore to his games but for him to be affected enough to mention it to her, it sounded like something I had never seen her in.

6:25 p.m.

“Hi babe! We’re still winning. At the game here in “mom” wear! I had strict orders from Andrew and I’m afraid this is just the beginning! I miss u very much! What r u up to tonight?”

ME: “Ha! I have to side with Andrew on that one. It sounds like he means business! I’m just staying home. I’m wiped out. No plans. How about yourself?

ANYA: “I’m going over Debbie’s later to watch the “Bachelorette” Finale w/the girls! I know, pretty lame huh?”

ME: “Not if you like those shows although I’m not a big fan of them personally. They all just seem pretty fake to me.”

ANYA: “The shows r fake but entertaining!”

I knew they were popular, but I never gave much consideration to watch the “Bachelorette” or the “Bachelor” shows until Anya mentioned it. There was this one show I really enjoyed similar to “The Bachelorette” called “Average Joe”, however the woman chosen to be the star of the show had to make her choice from a pool of average to below average looking guys. On the first episode she spoke excitedly of meeting her dream man, but instead of meeting a throng of handsome men, she was greeted by a busload of undesirable ones. After she saw what stepped off the bus, she ran off the set and threatened to leave the show, but the producers coaxed her back in with the promise to bring in a more attractive man later on. Although she still seemed hesitant, the promise of a man she could potentially fall in love with opened her up into being more cordial with the unattractive man pool. In the meantime, she got very close to this one particular average joe. She began to learn not only was he intelligent, but also extremely humble as she found out he was successful and doing well for himself without him saying a word to her about it. After a few weeks passed, the show made good on its promise and flew in an attractive one for her to meet and date. The show allowed them to get acquainted as she spent some time with him as well, and in the end, she had to choose between the average joe and the above average jock. When she chose the above average jock, it was heartbreaking to watch as all three of them struggled with her choice as astonishingly it appeared to be a genuinely hard one for her to make. Compared to “Average Joe”, I guess I never cared to watch both “The Bachelorette” and “The Bachelor” because they glorified vanity and everything else I felt that was wrong with our world today. With the knowledge Anya planned to watch the finale though, I thought it best to lay to rest my cynicism. If my best friend found enjoyment in the show, I was certain I could too as I wanted to feel closer to her. Anya wasn’t a football fan yet she watched and text me throughout the entire Super Bowl just to feel close to me and here was my chance to return the gesture as any solid relationship could never be about just “me” but only “we”. I sent her a text just before the show started.

ME: “Did Andrew’s team win? Are u at Debbie’s now?”

ANYA: “Yes and yes babe. I miss u so much. We won 20-4.”

ME: “I miss u very much too. I guess I will tune in and see what people think love is these days! I love you!”

ANYA: “I love you! The girls r getting loud! Time to turn the TV on! U mean to tell me u don’t believe one can find true love on reality TV?”

ME: “It’s too much of a popularity contest in my opinion. They aren’t their real selves. No one knows what they’re getting. Money could be exchanging hands for all we know. I believe the people on these shows are more concerned about their image and a possible acting career more than genuinely falling in love. Oh and not to mention ratings! That’s what I think anyway. I could be wrong.”

ANYA: “I agree babe. It’s fun to watch though. Maybe it’s a chick thing!”

ME: “I don’t know about that because I like these kind of shows too though for the entertainment factor. They are definitely entertaining.”

ANYA: “Yep! I miss u. I can’t say it enough because I miss u every min of the day!”

ME: “I know the feeling. Thank God you forgot your glasses in my car the other day! That extra ten minutes helped!”

ANYA: “Awe hun. Maybe I left my glasses on purpose! JK! So you know while you’re watching the show, I think she should pick the guy with the son!”

I didn’t know the people on the show well enough to give an opinion, but if Anya felt she should pick the guy with the son, I had to side with her since she watched the other episodes before the finale. About an hour into the show, she checked in on me.

9:39 p.m.

“R u watching! We r having sooo much fun!!!”

ME: “I’m watching! I’d hate to be in her spot.”

“The Bachelorette”, Deanna, had a choice to make between two really good guys. Jason, the man with the kid who Anya liked, and Jesse, who Anya probably liked too but not as much as Jason. Jason looked to be a pretty clean cut guy while Jesse with his longer messy hair appeared to be a carefree spirit, at least by his appearance. On his way to see Deanna in a white stretch limo, Jason sat upright while he confessed his feelings and then shared his plan with the audience to propose to her as he felt extremely confident she would choose him. As he exited the limo, Deanna, a thin pretty blue eyed brunette who looked like Tiffany Amber Thiessen, stood before him with the ocean as a backdrop. When she saw him they hugged and kissed, and when she commented on his orange tie, he revealed his son picked it out for him to wear. Without hesitation and with all the confidence in the world, he got down on one knee to propose, but unfortunately he did so before her choice was made as she tried to help him back up and told him she “can’t”. Dejected he reluctantly rose to face her truth and sought an explanation as he doubted all she ever told him and all she ever felt for him. She informed him her feelings were truly genuine but although she was falling in love with him, she was already in love with another man. He then gave her an expression that seemed to say “Who could it be”? which I found pretty funny only because who else did he think it could be? The comedy ended quickly there though when he returned to the limo as he sunk deeply into his seat and sat slumped over, broken. When he began to speak, his words hit me hard.

“I’m completely shocked. I feel like I’m a good enough guy who cares about people genuinely. I was so ready to be in love again. I was so ready to be there again. It really hurts to be so close to somebody and for them to say “no, you know what I do like you a lot, but I like him more”. She wanted something that I couldn’t offer her. She wanted this alternative world or she thinks she wants him. You want safety and security, once you have safety and security you want to live on the edge, but once you live on the edge you want to go back to your safety and security. And the best person is the both, you know, the one who has it all. I thought I did. I think I do. I don’t wanna fall in love. I’ve had this huge hole in my heart now for years. Somebody looks at me and can see the safety and can see the fun and the adventurous side but is okay with all me then it’s gonna be perfect. That was okay with her. It just got me hurt again. I’ve had body armor since my ex left me. I thought it was coming down. Now it’s up. The only for sure thing I have is my little boy.”

The last thing I ever expected when I decided to watch the finale was to identify with any of the men on the show, but it was impossible not to. After Denise left me, my armor went up as well for years and it took nothing less than a miracle to find myself in love again with anyone, let alone someone in a situation such as this. It seemed Jason and I travelled somewhat the same path, and when I saw and heard this broken man speak, it brought a great fear within my heart, that if things didn’t work out with Anya, the armor would go back up and I would never want to fall in love ever again. And to me, a life without love just wasn’t worth living especially if I ever lost a love like this.

After Jason had been brusquely dismissed, Deanna began to talk of Jesse, the man she loved.

“My connection with Jesse is so strong. I feel like I cannot live without him. I can definitely see Jesse by my side for the rest of my life. I see a life that is full of love, excitement. He is someone that gets me. He’s someone that makes me want to be a better person. I believe Jesse and I would have a great future together. Today I am ending up with my soulmate. I’ve found the man of my dreams.”

When I heard Deanna’s words, I found how strong her feelings for Jesse were as they were similar to the way Anya felt about me, and I instantly felt safe again.

As Jesse arrived in the limo, his thoughts and words mimicked Deanna’s sentiments.

“I’ve never felt so full of love. I don’t put myself out there like this. It’s beyond heart wrecking to put your heart in someone else’s hands. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I really think she is my soulmate.”

Soulmates, exactly. Jesse and Deanna were meant to be together as Deanna was Jason’s Denise, not his Anya, and when she greeted him at the same spot Jason had proposed to her just minutes before, Jesse then told his soulmate how he felt.

“The thought of not being with you kills me. I want to spend forever with you and I truly believe you are my soulmate.”

With all the same feelings I held for my soulmate too, Jesse then got down on one knee and Deanna ecstatically accepted his proposal. Even though I thought of Anya and I the entire time, I thought mostly about her struggle when the show ended. It was tough to watch, to know, something so simple for people to experience, to have, was out of reach for Anya and I at the moment as we watched the freedom all soulmates should have come to fruition. These two people got to tell each other in front of the world how much they loved each other and how much they couldn’t wait to show each other; it was really hard to watch. When she text me I feared she’d grasp at the way the show concluded as I tried to downplay how the show affected me in an effort to deny that it greatly dd.

10:33 p.m.

“Well, what did u think?”

ME: “I thought it was entertaining to say the least.”

ANYA: “Entertaining? I thought it was sad.”

ME: “Yeah. It was that too. It was hard to hear all the things Jason had to say.”

ANYA: “U ok?”

ME: “I’m Ok. I felt bad for her having to make that tough decision too. R u ok?”

ANYA: “Yes babe, I’m ok. I felt her pain. How do u feel right now about us?”

ME: “I feel very strongly about us. How r u feeling about us right now?

ANYA: “I want to be happy again. I only thought of you the whole time. I love you! Forever!”

The week brought with it a great testimony of her feelings for me, and nothing spoke more loudly than “I want to be happy again.” after we watched such a heart wrenching show. I wanted her to be happy again more than I wanted to be happy, but I also wanted her to be happy forever, not just for a period of time and I wanted that burden all on me. I knew I could do it because she valued loyalty, something not complicated all partners should have, and she deserved it. “I want to be happy again” spoke volumes to me; an unselfish want simply because she needed happiness in her life so it could be reflected upon her children. Notwithstanding the fact, most every human being deserved happiness too.

The next day brought a great anticipation for our last day together before she left for New York.

8:45 a.m.

“Good morning! How r u? I’m excited to c u tom! Xoxo!”

It never ceased to amaze me how the feeling was never contrived or obligated, but always mutual. She exhibited no fear, only safety, in my feelings for her as I was always grateful she could communicate her true feelings to me without dread. It opened my eyes to the fact I gave her something in just seven months that Jackson Caiaphas was unable to give her in twenty-three years; safety in her feelings. Jubilation might have been the most appropriate word to use to describe my own anticipation of her visit the next day as I told her I was fine and asked her how her morning was going. In return, I then received a candid response.

8:59 a.m.

“I’m fine baby! Katie just whined about going to tennis so not very happy w/her. She’s running instead. I guess that’s summer! Sorry to complain!”

It bothered me she felt it was a complaint, as if she was never allowed to. I may not have been one, but I knew it wasn’t easy to be a parent. Especially in a parenting arrangement like hers, it seemed the job was thankless most of the time, but that’s exactly what parenting was though, a thankless profession. One in which you don’t reap the benefits until years down the road when your kids finally begin to understand all you did for them. The last thing Anya ever did was complain even with all the heavy burdens heaped upon her on a daily basis, like an overburdened camel who had to trek across a ruthless desert. The more things she shared about her life with me though, the more I felt like her real husband.

9:01 a.m.

“I can’t wait for tomorrow! Thank you for making time for us! I’ll miss you when I’m gone. I love you forever!”

ME: “I’ll definitely miss you too, babe but just think you’re going to be in NYC in a couple of days and you get to spend some quality time with Katie. That’s everything right there.”

ANYA: “You’re very understanding! I love you for that! Xoxo!!!”

It never bothered me to finish second to her kids. I accepted it, I understood it and never wanted it any other way unless they were never born. I knew the relationships she had with her children were the most important ones for her to have right now. New York City with her daughter for a week carried a ton of potential memories for her, and I didn’t want to interfere with their production. Not to mention, I looked forward to sleeping much better at night knowing she was away from her husband so it was a very welcomed trip in my eyes. I really tried to connect with Anya on the relationship she had with her daughter before she left so she knew I understood this time she spent with Katie was more important right now than the time she could spend with me.

ME: “I know how teenagers are pretty well. I used to work with them quite a bit at the Daycare when I was there.”

ANYA: “Teens at Daycare? What kind of Daycare? Boys and Girls Club? I always thought you watched little kids.”

ME: “I watched kids from K thru 8th grade. Even coached the boys’ basketball team for two years. I did co-run the KinderCare program in the morning as well, but spent time around teenagers more. I worked at a private school’s daycare. It wasn’t a Boys and Girls Club; a church actually. So yeah, I’m really familiar with Katie’s age group. More than I ever intended to be that’s for sure.”

ANYA: “Awe babe! I had no idea! That explains it! You are just perfect!!! I love you!”

ME: “Haha! I wish I was perfect, but hey If you say so I’ll have to go with it! I love you too! Are u all packed and ready for your trip?”

ANYA: “Almost. I’m burning u my new playlist right now. It’s for my trip to NY. I get tired of my old playlists. I change every month or so. Just some cool tunes that’s all. Let me know if you ever get tired of my CD’s though. I’ll stop. I just burn them because it’s what I listen to everyday. It’s an extension of me!”

ME: “That’s exactly why I enjoy them so much, and I’ll never get tired of them; they are an extension of you!”

ANYA: “By the way, we can still be in contact every day, sweets. I’ll just be 3 hours ahead. I will miss u very much.”

ME: “Then you will hear from me very much because I will miss you very much too.”

ANYA: “Ha! K! I’ll be lonely for u so u have to keep contact w/me every day! I love you!!! Xoxo!!!”

I felt lonely for her every day so keeping in touch wouldn’t be a problem. Her thoughtful gesture of burning a CD for me always took me by surprise. Even though she burned music for me several times, I’ve just never had a girl do that for me before. It brought me back to a time when I used to make tapes for Sara, but it seemed like the songs I chose never resonated with her. In her defense though, my musical taste was unique to say the least. I was more into rock music than popular music as I preferred a ballad by The Scorpions over a ballad by Michael Jackson. Anya’s musical choices however were uniquely popular, and they all appealed to my senses because of the heavy emotions I felt through them due to how deeply I felt about her. I never cared for popular music in any sense however the songs she burned for me hit home, as I guess I could better relate to them now than ever before.

Later that evening, I decided to try a stir fry recipe I read about on the internet. I wasn’t much of a cook; I was more Freddy Crocker than Betty Crocker, but I always dreamt of cooking for someone I loved; or even cooking with someone I loved, and if Anya and I were together, I radically needed to improve my culinary skills. In the middle of my meal attempt more than prep, Anya sent me a text.

5:53 p.m.

“Having a spill w/Carolyn talking about u. All good things! What r u up to?”

I was kind of thrown off by her “all good things” description as I was unaware they possibly discussed any bad things about me. I then remembered how Carolyn’s knock on me was how I never raised kids of my own, so it led me to believe Anya informed her I used to supervise teens at the Daycare, and not just little kids. It was the only reason I could imagine what could have led up to a “good things” dominated conversation; at least, that’s what I thought. At any rate, I was just happy to hear from her.

ME: “Oh I’m just doing some light stir frying here! Please tell Carolyn I said hello!”

ANYA: “She said “Hello Landyn!” She thinks you’re the sweetest! I agree! Ur stir frying? That’s cool babe! I wish we were cooking together!”

ME: “I’m hoping we can do that one day together! That’s why I need to practice and get my stir fry on! I hope this turns out edible though otherwise I’m going to go to bed hungry tonight.”

ANYA: “I’m sure it’ll taste great babe! Did you take the whole day off tomorrow or just a half day?”

ME: “I took the whole day off so whatever time you want to come visit me, you can. Just let me know what time works best for you.”

ANYA: “Ur the sweetest babe! I’m sooo lucky to have such an amazing guy in my life!”

Strangely on this night, it was the last text I received from her as it was still pretty early in the evening. At this point in our relationship, she always sent me a text to say goodnight, and to not receive one from her was odd, especially when she was out with a friend. As peculiar as it was though, I didn’t dwell on it at all. I went to bed easily knowing she’d be in my arms in the morning, and when she left I wouldn’t have to go back to work when I missed her.

After the sun rose the next day, I received a series of unusual texts from her.

9:17 a.m.

“Good morning! R u there?”

Her “good mornings” were never followed by an “R u there” before which caused my stomach to feel uneasy as it usually indicated a problem.

ME: “Good morning! I’m here.”

ANYA: “R we still on?”

Another strange text from her. Why would she think we weren’t still on?

ME: “Of course babe!”

ANYA: “K. I can be there by 10. Ok w/u?”

ME: “10 is perfect.”

When we stopped texting, I still felt something was amiss, but I didn’t want to mention anything because it might worry her. I was beyond ecstatic I’d get to see her so early though, but rather than seeing her beautiful face forty minutes later I received another text in its place.

10:03 a.m.

“I’m so sorry something came up. Can’t meet till closer to 10:30ish.”

ME: “Not a problem babe. Take your time.”

ANYA: “K”

“K” texts from her I believed were a sign of either sadness, anger or anxiety. I then began to resign myself to the real possibility I wouldn’t get to see her at all. I understood her side of things, but disappointment naturally took its course. I really had no choice but to understand, but I had to realize she had never missed a date with me before, and that was quite the feat when you take into consideration how entrenched she was at home. No matter how badly I wanted to see her, I refused to pressure her or to communicate any disappointment I felt. I had to take into consideration she was going to be gone for a week too, and probably had a lot of packing and coordinating to do as you could never predict what comes up sometimes. This was also a very tough week for her emotionally. She ran out of a neighbor party because she missed me. She got emotional watching, of all movies “The Hulk”, and “The Bachelorette” Finale weighed on her heavily because it made her realize how unhappy she truly was. All this while in the presence of her two children and a suspicious husband so even if she was unable to see me, I knew she wanted to see me now more than ever, and that made it much easier for me to be understanding.

At ten thirty-six however my disappointment was trumped when I received a “here” text, and a huge smile broke on my face, one I’m sure would lead to many wrinkles one day. As elated and relieved as I felt when I received her text, and even after all this time, I still got so nervous around her as the butterflies were instantly unleashed. I know I didn’t see her everyday but after seven months you’d think it would’ve stopped by now, but she inspired butterflies with the most beautiful wings from within every time. When I let her in through the front gate, magnificence once again stood before me as she looked as beautiful as ever adorned in a light purple floral pattern sundress. When she snatched my hand in hers and brought it to her heart, it felt like I had just taken an opiate as the anxiety I felt began to melt away. I usually made up a mental list of things we could talk about when she visited me, but when I saw her and felt her beauty radiate inside me, I forgot all about what I planned to discuss.

When we reached my apartment, and after I locked the door behind us like I always did, she came into my arms and hugged me tightly. For the next few minutes we held each other as we whispered in a place we didn’t have to. After a few more minutes passed while our lips met, she then began to clue me in about her strange texts this morning.

“I’m sorry I was late, babe.” she said as she pulled away from our lip embrace. “Did you receive my “good night” text last night?”

“You sent me one?” I responded incredulously. “I never received it. Even though I found it really odd I never heard from you the rest of the evening because you were with Carolyn. I just thought you got tied up, and I would’ve sent you one but I was afraid to distract you.”

“Hmmm. Well, just before I left the house this morning to come see you, my husband surprisingly came home.” she revealed. “He said he had Andrew’s baseball stuff in the car.”

“Oh.”

“He looked me up and down to take notice of what I was wearing.” she said. “I’m afraid I might’ve accidentally sent my “good night” text meant for you, to him.”

“I sure hope not, babe.” I said as I realized the ramifications of her mistake for both of us. “but then again, I guess it’s possible since I never received it.”

“Sometimes…I wish I’d get caught.” she said. “He just makes me so mad.”

“I don’t think that would be a good idea.” I said knowing now who her husband was. “I’m not going anywhere, Sweetheart. So please, don’t give him the power to turn your own kids against you for mistakes he’s made. If it’s too much of a risk to visit, I’d totally understand.”

I nearly told her I knew who her husband was and why I did, but I felt her vulnerability. I then feared she would do the wrong thing, and choose sadness over happiness and lies over the truth. Although it was strange he came home, he probably did have Andrew’s baseball gear in his car, a valid excuse if Andrew needed it for his game that evening. Then again, Jackson Caiaphas knew cheaters better than anyone because he was simply one of the greatest of all-time.

“Can I give Carolyn and Debbie your phone number in case I’m in an accident or anything so they can get a hold of you?”

“An accident?” I said with great concern. “Of course. Don’t even think twice about it. I hope you’re not in an accident or anything though. I’d love to see you, but not that way.”

“Thank you.” she said as she came into my arms and buried herself into my chest. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” I said as I kissed the top of her head.

Anya was obviously rattled by her husband coming home. If Jackson were to find out about us, I’d still fight for her regardless of my promotion. I believed KSR valued me too much to lose me, and when the truth about him became known I trusted things would work themselves out. We kissed for a few more minutes before we decided to take our longing to my room. Although the passion was still great for each other, I restrained myself from making love to her because of the events of this morning. I knew how hard it was for me when she left my apartment so with his obvious suspicion, I didn’t want to take a chance things could be equally hard on her, especially after the emotional week she had. As she laid in my arms after we let affection pour forth from our souls, she began to tell me about her trip to New York City.

“It’s just going to be Katie and I in New York with thousands of other dancers. We’re leaving tomorrow morning. We’ve been busy planning our outings with other moms and dancers.” she said. “I’m excited to go because I’ll have quality time with Katie. I’ve booked theater tickets, museum tours and dinner reservations. It should be a lot of fun. You can text me anytime.”

“What a great mom you are.” I said. “I think it would be pretty selfish of me to text you while you and Katie get to bond. I don’t want to take you away from building great memories with her.”

“I still need to hear from you, babe.” she said as she leaned in to kiss me. “Have you ever gone away with your mom or dad before?”

“I went on an east coast trip with my Dad for a week almost twenty years ago through Baltimore, Boston and New York City.” I said. “It was mostly to visit baseball parks though. We saw Roger Clemens pitch as a Red Sox in Fenway Park, went to Memorial Stadium to see the Orioles play; Camden Yards was just being built, and we even caught a game at Shea Stadium, just a few years after the Mets won the World Series. We went to Yankee Stadium too, but the Yanks were out of town. I was eighteen at the time though and very introverted so I felt bad for my dad on the trip because I was in my own world experiencing it pretty much for the first time. I had my Walkman on pretty much the entire trip, so self-absorbed.”

“I’m sure Katie will be the same way.” she said.

“I doubt it. You seem to have a great plan and you’re closer to Katie than I was to my father.” I said. “and you’re doing everything girls like to do too.”

“We’ll see.” she said. “One thing I do know is that she’ll be using an IPod instead of a Walkman. That I’m definitely sure of!”

“She can borrow my Walkman; I still have it. She has to buy a couple of double A’s though.” I joked.

“You’re too much!” she laughed. “Do you really still have it?”

“No I don’t, I donated it to the Smithsonian while I was in New York.” I elaborated. “Can I ask you a question. It’s kind of personal.”

“Ok babe.” she said with a hint of reluctance in her tone.

“Can you even begin to realize how beautiful you are?” I asked. “I mean there are a lot of times, like now, when I literally can’t take my eyes off of you, and the crazy thing is you’re just as beautiful on the inside…if not more. You still give me butterflies even after all this time every time I see you. I could honestly say or text “I love you” every second of the day.”

“Aww babe.” she said as she lowered her head shyly then leaned up to kiss me. “Thank you. To answer your question, no. I feel the same way about you too, and I think that’s why I still get butterflies.”

“Really?” I said. “You do?”

She then got shy again and laughed heartily then softly kissed my nose as she laid her body on top of mine.

“I’ve never met a man like you.” she said. “You still make me blush every time you call me beautiful.”

“I think you better get used to blushing because that’s all I know.” I said.

“You know I’ve always believed in love, but never believed I could be so taken by someone.”

“I believe we’re soulmates.” she said.

“Without a doubt. You’re my soulmate. All those feelings Jesse and Jason felt for Deanna on “The Bachelorette” pale in comparison to all I feel for you.” I said as I leaned in to taste her. “Oh and in case you didn’t know. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

“Hahaha!”

“I love you. I love you I love you.” I continued. “See…I can’t stop saying it! Help!”

“I’m not going to help you. I’m your soulmate, remember?”

“Oh, That’s right. I’m in trouble.”

“I’m so pissed off at him, babe.” she suddenly stated.

“Well in his defense, I’m sure he’s curious.” I said.

“Like I told you earlier sometimes I just get so mad I want him to find out.” “What if he calls me?” I asked.

“What if he calls you?”

“Yeah. What if he has my number and decides to call?”

“We’re through. I’ll divorce him,” she said. “That’s crazy.”

“I think we’ve already established that about him after all the times he ever decided to cheat on you.” I said. “I think you’re so used to his mental abuse; you can’t even recognize it.”

Anya then looked up at me, smiled as her eyes became moist and softly placed her lips where my heart laid inside my chest. The one thing I noticed the most about her today, even more than her obvious physical beauty, was how she constantly smiled and laughed since she arrived, and it spoke volumes about the way she felt about her husband. It made me feel safe to know no matter his suspicions, and after her close call this morning, it didn’t matter; she still came to see me. To see a guilt ridden person feel absolutely zero guilt at all towards him inspired me more as I truly believed Jackson Caiaphas only delayed the inevitable. If Anya had done this to a flawed yet faithful husband, I would feel absolutely ashamed and be in full scold mode, but this was a vastly different scenario; she was no Francesca Johnson. He was successful in business but he failed as a husband, as her protector, and to me he failed in life because I believed being a husband and being a decent man was the most important thing to be successful at in this world. The fact whenever he told her he “loved” her and she refused to reciprocate told me Jackson Caiaphas was in complete denial; in denial of all he did, and in denial of who he truly was. A figment of even his own imagination. He made her unhappy by cheating on her for years and now when given the chance to right a wrong for her, he instead decided he would make her more miserable as he hung on and watched her in the hope she stumbled in a feigned effort in the audience of their children to save someone he had already shot dead. I felt Anya did not owe it to anyone to recover her feelings for him, including her children because of all the years of emotional abuse she endured. I felt she had every right to leave him and even more of a right to find love with someone who truly cared, who truly appreciated her, and who truly knew better than to ever make the mistakes he made. Although I was only flesh and blood, my soul protruded from my physical being in the form of the truth, and I planned to stay in that form until the very end as only a piece of paper and the judging eyes of society bound her to him.

After my left arm pulled her back into bed with me about five times before I was finally able to say good-bye to her, and as I walked out to the gate with her soft cool hand tightly in mine, I thought about the schism between how great I felt now, and how I would feel when the loneliness of my apartment got loud later. Her smile and laughter after her frantic morning however made it all worth it, as I learned and felt my importance in her life.

When I returned to my apartment, I went into my room to lie down, and began to daydream about another great moment that could make the top ten moments list in my life. About a half hour later I received a text from her.

1:27 p.m.

“Hi! Just leaving! I had a great time! Thanks for all the great things u said about me today. Still get shy.”

ME: “Don’t get shy, babe. They’re easy to say because they come from the heart.”

Her text brought me concern. She left my apartment complex a half hour ago yet she informed me she was just leaving? Roughly another half hour passed when she text me again.

2:04 p.m.

“Where r u?”

ME: “I’m here at my apartment, babe. Where r u?”

ANYA: “Call me.”

I immediately phoned her.

“Hi babe. Are you still here?” I asked when she picked up.

“I’m at the mall just down the street. I’m inside Nordstrom’s” she informed me. “Babe, I think my husband is following me. I think he’s waiting for me outside the store.”

“Don’t leave the store.” I instructed. “I’ll be right there.”