"Krys! Pan! Let's go on a quest!"
Stercus jumped and waved in front of the quest board to get his friends' attention, but they stayed sitting at their table and didn't budge.
"Not now," Krys said. She was in the middle of telling Pan that using magic dice in order to always roll a six in a board game was not the best idea.
"I can accompany you tho-"
"SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW!"
"...yes ma'am..." Krys was quite pissed at the moment due to Pan's cheating and it looked like they'll be there for a while. "Go on without us then," Pan said. Stercus took the advice and looked for a quest.
"He can't go by himself," Krys said. "What if he gets a dangerous quest?"
"Relax," Pan said. "He wouldn't be able to with the new system the guild established."
This new system Pan was referring to was the new rule added to the guild's rulebook. Yes, the guild had a rulebook, with rules like don't fight in the guildhall, don't smoke inside, don't pee on others, and don't attack anyone else unless they dared to vote against whoever the guild master voted for and if they did you are free to bully them in all ways you can think of. This new rule was put in place thanks to low-level adventurers taking quests that were too high level for them, shitting themselves and running when they realize that, and the quest never getting done because they never complete or cancel it.
Now to combat it the guild did two things. First, they categorized the quest board based on content and difficulty. There are small sections for dangerous kill quests, fetch quests, mundane quests, and etc. Secondly, if a group of idiots wanted to do something as dangerous as kill 10 dragons for no reason other than stupidity, they'll have to pay up. Before going on the quest they'd have to pay an amount proportional to the quest's difficulty before leaving. Unless the quest said otherwise then they would have to come back in 30 days to mark the quest complete and get the money back. If they don't come back in time then the guild will keep the money and cancel the quest automatically.
Since Stercus didn't have much of an allowance then he wouldn't even be able to take the more dangerous quests and Krys could worry about nothing.
Now that I think about it I probably could've just said there was a quest insurance fee that Stercus didn't have the money for, but whatever.
"I know about the rule," Krys said. "But Stercus was just involved in a scary situation."
"You mean that time with the boomerang stickers?"
"Yeah. I'm not sure if he should go back so soon."
"Relax, he's fine. He does freak out a bit to see stickers, holes, blood, or random flying rocks, but he's okay."
"I'm pretty sure that's not okay."
"But it's funny. Watch this." Pan grabbed a small pebble off the ground and tossed it at Stercus. Stercus, upon seeing the pebble, fell on his knees and had Vietna- I mean Jabberwocky arc flashbacks as he clutched his head and closed his eyes in a clear state of panic. He shook uncontrollably and opened his mouth to scream despite no sound coming out.
"Well..." Krys had to think about this. On one hand, this was clear damage to the young boy's psyche and could hinder him for many years and may lead to something more serious like PTSD. On the other hand, she had to admit it was quite funny.
"Anyways," said Pan as he rolled the dice. "It looks like I win again."
Krys was a sore loser about this. While she complained to Pan Stercus started to calm down from his panic attack. Mainly because the receptionist threatened to kill him if he didn't stop since he was starting to get loud. But since he was okay he went to get a quest. He went past the section of lame quests like helping people with housework or getting groceries for them. He passed fetch quests like collecting wild mushrooms or leaves. He went to the kill quest section and found one where he had to kill 10 small chimeras located throughout the city. He put out his hand to grab it but another hand also grabbed the quest.
This hand belonged to a young girl around Stercus's age. She had dark brown skin that wasn't common in the area so it was likely she came from another country. Her eyes were a hazelnut color with curly hair being unkempt and stood up like a weird bedhead style. She wore a lab coat over a black shirt and a short black skirt that was lined with small sacks around the waist. The messy appearance of the lab coat and the goggles on her head made her look like a mechanic of some sort. One hand grabbed onto the quest that Stercus grabbed, and the other held many papers which appeared to be other quests.
This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.
"Sorry," Stercus said as he took his hand off the quest. "You trying to kill some chimera as well?"
"Yeah," the girl said as she grabbed the quest paper. "I really need the money after all. This one is offering 700 genty for these chimeras after all."
For reference 200 genty is around 1 US dollar. Then again these are kids so they don't realize how little 700 genty is.
"Why don't I come with you?" Stercus proposes this in an excited manner. "I can help kill the chimera."
"The chimera quest isn't the only quest I'm doing though."
"I can help you with those as well."
The girl stared at him with a suspicious gaze.
"Put your hand in a fist for me."
"Yes ma'am!" Stercus did as he was told.
"Okay then," the girl said as she stared at the fist. "Since you leave your thumb on the outside when you make a fist instead of the inside that means you are quite an intelligent person. So I'll allow you to come."
"Really!?" Stercus's eyes sparkled and he made the purest smile one could ever see.
"Yes really. My dad puts his thumb on the inside when he makes a fist and he's really dumb. One time I splashed lemon juice on my face and everyone knows that lemon juice is used to make invisible ink. Thus I was completely invisible, but my dad was so stupid that he thought that he could see me. Do you realize how dumb you have to be for that to happen?"
"That sounds really stupid."
"I know right? Another time I looked in the food cellar and found eggs. Eggs are dangerous because they have mini-suns in them so I tried to throw them out. But before I could my stupid dad put all the eggs back and locked the place so I couldn't get in. Doesn't he realize the danger we were in?"
"I've never seen someone so dumb."
"Luckily unlike my dad, I'm the smartest person I know." She put her hands on her hips and smiled so proudly one could almost feel the pride oozing out of her.
"How smart are you?"
"Really smart. So smart that I even figured out what the Krabby Patty Secret Formula was!"
"Don't know what that is, but that's amazing!"
"Uh-huh. With my guidance, I can make you an absolute genius!"
"Really?"
"Yep. It will be a hard road, but you'll soon go from smart to genius. Let's begin this journey of self-discovery and intelligence right now."
"Alright, let's go then!"
The two skipped hand in hand to the receptionist's desk in order to go on their various quests. Upon seeing them the receptionist's face became one that seemed to say "not these kids again" or something like that.
"What is it now Scitus?" The receptionist said this with a groan. "You've just got signed up, now what?"
"I wanna do some quests! All of these please!"
She handed the papers to our unnamed receptionist lady here, who looked through the large stack and sighed.
"You know you have to get this all done in less than thirty days right?"
"I've got plans for it, don't worry."
"Well, that doesn't disregard the fact that you have many high-level quests here. Thus it seems that in order to take on all of these quests you have to pay 600,250 genty." For those who don't do the math, that's around 3,001 US dollars, which is more than 50 times what these children have, which also happens to be 0 genty.
"Do you have the money for this Scitus?" Stercus looked genuinely worried.
"Nope," was Scitus's response.
"What are we supposed to do then?"
"Don't worry, I've got a plan."
"You know I can hear you right?" The receptionist starts to wonder how stupid these kids actually are.
"You see," Scitus says. "There is a loophole in this system that will allow you to do any quest free of charge."
"A loophole?" Stercus puts his hand to his chin and ponders on it for a moment. "What's the loophole."
"Just watch this."
Scitus snatches the stack of quest papers out of the receptionist's hands and walks out the door.
"The rule said I have to pay, but there is nothing they can do if I don't. That means we can just walk out with these papers in hand."
"Genius!" Stercus followed closely behind the young girl with sparkles in his eyes. "There's no way that they could counter that!"
The receptionist just sighed and facepalmed before contacting the guild master with a communication spell. After a talk about the situation happening for a while, the receptionist decided to contact the city guard, which is basically the town's law enforcement.
"What is it now ma'am?"
"I have two children taking some quests without paying the insurance."
"What is the penalty assigned by the guild for such an act?"
"Death."
"But they're chi-"
"I said the penalty was DEATH!"
"Okay miss, I'll get them right away."
The guard sighed. He really needed a new job.
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General Info Stats Spells
Name: Scitus Beescube STR 43 Unus Centum Glacies Species: Human DUR 2 Stat Redistribution Give and Take Ice Swimming Age: 13yrs 123days INT 1 HP: 40/40 SPE 2 Level: 5 Exp: 8/32 Spells Known: 3 Armor: Cursed Anklet