Sitting alone in the darkness of the tree, hiding in the branches, as the moon sat high above as midnight strikes, apparently does wonders for calming my mind. That and the moon is somehow making my mind clearer. The trainers and their pokemon had long since gone to sleep and I probably would join them in the dream world if I didn’t feel so awake and needed the calm night to think.

Thinking back to my first two days in this world, the freedom to roam wherever I wanted was amazing. Nothing stopping me leaving to explore as I pleased, go wherever I wanted, as far as I wanted!

Complete, unrestricted, freedom.

Then there is my time with the twins. Being able to freely visit towns with a guarantee of someone to keep me company. Getting the basics to live is significantly easier and is also guaranteed! My life would be easier as long as a I followed. And at least with Jennifer and Oliver, I can do as I pleased within reason.

Restricted freedom with the benefits of safety.

I know the world well enough to survive alone easily but there is nothing granting me all this free. On the other hand, I could have food and shelter for free if I follow along and do as I want within reason. In the end, the main points for each are freedom over relative safety and company. Both sides equally desirable in my mind, each tugging at my mind while I focused on the other.

I hear a sudden loud gasp and I poke my head out of the leaves to see Jennifer’s shadow sitting curled up in her now lit tent. Oliver is probably still asleep. From my position in the tree, I can make out her movements and she looks like she is, crying? I go to drag my head back into the tree’s canopy but sadness seeps in as I watch. A minute passes before her hand reaches up and the light is gone. It is then I notice the water dripping down my face. No, they are tears.

I pull my head back into the leaves and sit there as a memory comes to mind.

I am walking through a forest of large gum trees and iron barks, wearing a tie dye shirt I wore when I was 5. I was heading towards a small ripped yellow tent that’s glowing. I can see a shadow along the tents door and hear sobbing from within while the shadow sits curled up. As I approach, I hear a crack and looking down, my foot had stepped on a twig and snapped it. The sobbing stopped as the light vanishes leaving only the almost full moon to dimly light the area.

“Hello?” I ask cautiously while moving slowly towards the tent. I don’t receive a reply. “Are you okay?” I ask moving forward which receives no reply. A few steps away from the tent door, I crack another twig which causes the tent to shake as the person inside likely flinches.

I reach the door as from behind me, I hear my mother’s voice and see two sets of lights moving back and forth. “Jace!” she calls. “Where are you!”

Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.

“Over here!” I yell in response and see the lights turn in my direction as I turn around and open the tent.

Inside I see a young girl in the corner, the same age I was in the memory, holding a small pocketknife. Her body was very small and skinny, covered in purple blotches and dark red lines that were visible through the cuts and rips in her shirt and shorts and along her arms, legs, and even face. She had pale skin which made the injuries stand out even more, dirty and messy long black hair, and two different shades of green for each fear filled eye. I can hear running behind me as the memory of how I first met M*ll3 ends.

Focusing back on my current situation, I look through the leaves back to Jennifer’s tent.

She reminds me so much of her, why? I say aloud to myself only to receive the calls of the night as a response. I notice how blurry my vision is and can feel two wet lines on my face tracing across my fur. Wiping away the tears, I go back to my thoughts. Even with my improved clarity, my emotions were a complete mess after that memory.

I hop down to the ground and move to stand in the open while staring at the moon.

Calm down. I whisper to no one while I take deep breathes and closing my eyes. Calm down. It was only a memory. I spent the next several minutes repeating this till I was okay and I opened my eyes to see the moon looking back down.

Thinking back to the original topic, I still couldn’t think of something that would favour the first over the other in my mind. The issue is I want both enough that I cannot decide which is better. The alure of complete unrestricted freedom matched the desire to live an easier life that could get me things I would likely never see in the wild. Honestly, I think the main reason I just don’t go with freedom is there is no guarantee for me to have any company or friends to join me. I could spend the rest of my life alone if I do it wrong. Granted there seems to be pokemon that are helpful regardless of what you are but, it isn’t the same. I guess I could always just go into towns at my own leisure but because of my traits, that could lead to people chasing me.

Even if I stayed with the twins, as proved by that asshole in the last town, that isn’t a fool proof plan to stay safe from greedy people.

I just keep going back and forth! I yell into the darkness surrounding me. My anger almost gets the better of me as I charge up Shadow Ball to just fire somewhere, anywhere, but I caught myself before I finished the move which had a second fully formed shot. Taking deep breathes, I once again calmed myself and returned to my thoughts after dispersing the move.

Another hour passed as my mind went back and forth, thinking of benefits to each while discounting parts of one choice while justifying the other. My anger almost boiled over again but I calmed myself once again.

I closed my eyes again and thought back to my old life, trying to draw on old experiences, memories, and emotions to help me decide. My thoughts eventually drifted back to the day I died, well, that morning. I had a choice that would decide my life that day and took the next step in what should have been the rest of my happy life. That morning, I had proposed to my fiancé Ruby. The choice of companionship and limited freedom. Of course, I had made steps in this direction 2 years before hand, but this made it official.

But here, in this new world, that follows new rules and laws of existence, should I take the same path of being with people, or should I choose to live another way? The choice of freedom.

Looking to the moon and stars as they sat above me in the darkness of space and closed my eyes, breathed in, and out, opened my eyes, stood up, and headed back to the tree, with my final decision.

Once morning is here, I choose my life. I quietly comfort myself as the night sounds around me.