“Do you love Nicholas?” Those words echo in her mind time and time again as if she fell down a rabbit hole. That was the only question on her mind right now as the memories come back one at a time. All good memories and the difficult times, it’s like she’s transported back in time into the arms of her ex-boyfriend. She could almost feel his touch, his warm embrace as she melts away. She clings onto her chair tightly as she looks at Andrew, who is waiting for her answer.

“What does that mean?” Ann asks defensively. “First do I love Ben, then do I love Nick? Are you testing me or something?” Andrew then looks at Emma as she looks at her notepad and nods at Andrew.

“We’ll talk later,” Andrew says smiling as if accomplished something. He gets up and walks out the door and now Ann and Emma are left alone.

“Em, care to tell me what was that about,” Ann’s words are both aggressive and defensive but Emma smiles calmly.

“Nothing,” Emma replies. “Don’t be mad at him, I just wanted to test out something.” Emma then takes out some chocolates and offers them to Ann. “Don’t say you don’t want them, I got them especially for you.” Ann looks at her suspiciously but still takes them. She begins to eat one and then they proceed to talk about casual events, from the weather to work they touch upon everything. Ann truly forgets the emotional rush from about twenty minutes ago, that is until Emma asks.

“Ann, can you please tell me something about Nicholas.”

“But why?”

“Because you have hidden enough from me and as your best friend I have the right to know,” Emma’s playful smile lets Ann drop her guard and for the first time in a long time, she spoke about Nicholas to her hearts content. This time she wasn’t met with annoyed eyes or hopes of a different answer, she was just heard. She spoke about their time together, how he made her feel and how she felt so special with him, that she would choose her over everyone else.

“He really loved me,” Ann says finally at ease saying it out loud. Emma looks at her friend with a faint smile and asks.

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“And you loved him?”

“Of course,” Ann says and then pauses realising what she just said. “I mean, I moved on and now I am with Ben…”

“Let’s leave Ben out of this,” Emma says. “Let’s stay on Nicholas. You must have been hurt when he left.”

“Yes,” Ann replied. “But he said he would find me someday.”

“And you were hoping he would,” Emma says as Ann looks disappointed in herself.

“I love Ben,” Ann says. “I would never leave him and…”

“Again, let’s leave Ben out of the picture,” Emma says. “I am not questioning your relationship with Ben, but if you were single and he returned, would the two of you get back together.”

“Yes,” Ann says with a smile so small but bright. She then pauses for a moment and thinks about Ben and everything they had been through as a couple. She remembers his patience and kindness, how he never left her side, despite knowing she was covering up for his ex-wife’s killer. She cannot help but feel like she’s betraying Ben just by admitting she would have gone back to Nicholas if he wasn’t around.

“Ann,” Emma says regaining her attention. “Is there something you would like to share?” Ann looks at her best friend with tears in her eyes as Emma lends her a box of tissues. “You know you can tell me right.”

“Ben loves me despite everything,” Ann says while crying. “Despite knowing that… I am…”

“You’re what?”

“I…” the words don’t come of Ann’s mouth but Emma asks another question.

“Ann, why do you love Nicholas?” Ann looks at her friend confused. “I am not asking you to repeat yourself, I am asking you why you feel so close to Nicholas.”

“He is such an amazing guy,” Ann replies. “He makes me feel so special.”

“So, you like him because of the way he makes you feel,” Emma’s words catch her attention as she looks at her confused. For a moment Ann thinks back to her description of Nicholas and their relationship and notices one shocking detail, she always talks about how he made her feel as opposed to who he was. The times he embraced her and seemed to bend over backward for her were her core memories, unlike the ones she had with Ben. Good or bad, she remembers every moment with Ben lovingly.

“Emma!” Ann tries to defend her realization but is cut off by her best friend.

“It’s ok Ann, these things happen. Most often people never realize it happening unless it’s too late.” Emma places a book on the table and smiles at Ann. “I’m going for lunch,” she then proceeds to leave the room as Ann takes a look at the book. She takes a deep breath and despite her emotions screaming at her she decides to pick it up.

Eventually following a tiring day, Ben now sits alone at a pub holding a drink in his hand. As she stares into space, he turns back feeling a hand on his shoulder.