When she came into the store things were very awkward between us.
"Jeff, can we speak alone?" I asked Bruce.
"Sure." Bruce came up to me.
"Buddy I meant me and Natalie." I pointed at Natasha.
"Ohhh!" He smiled while giving me a thumbs up.
Seeing that there was something boiling between us, he went to sleep early instead of chatting with us like usual.
I sighed before I sat in front of her.
I had spent the 2 days thinking about what had happened between us. What made me open my heart to her?
I finally arrived at an answer this morning and boy did I realise how much of a douchebag I have been to both Natasha and especially Bruce.
I was in this situation due to my gift, all of this was related to my gift rooted potato. This wasn't caused by rooted potato but rather my way of using it.
Since I had arrived in this world I have constantly spent my time training and learning because I was in a way addicted to the usage of rooted potato. I mean who wouldn't with an awesome gift like that which would let you do everything.
When other kids spend their time socialising I spend it in training, learning, and making myself as strong as possible.
Sure, this wasn't a problem in the care home where I often interacted with the other kids around my age, but this changed when my parents adopted me.
The only time I ever interacted with anyone my age after I was adopted was in school and even then I used rooted potato to do it for me.
Instead of goofing or socialising with people around my age, I spend my time alone in library learning.
I did this for close to 16 years. The only time I broke this rule was for my family.
Sure, I had the mind of an adult but 16 years with the bare amount of social interactions while at the same time gaining so much knowledge about the true state of the universe caused me to close my eyes to the world except my family.
Not to mention this happened at a time where my brain and hormone fuelled body was once again going through development.
This had stunted my emotional growth by a lot. I was grateful for my previous experience and emotions from my past life that was still with me. Because if it weren't with me I would have become even colder and ignore the love of even my parents on my conquest to survival.
But this all began changing with Bruce. Till this moment I was using him as nothing but a backup tool for my plans and slowly moulded him into my back up by calling him a friend and speaking what he needed to hear.
However, unlike me, he considered me as a friend. I started talking- even if it were acting and for a purpose- with him as a normal friend would, without the help of rooted potato. This slowly began recovering my emotional side which hadn't really been in much use for the past 16 years.
The first evidence of my change was the man I had fed in the streets when he came to rob me. The normal me would have probably taken the man down before walking away. But back then I didn't and instead just took him back to the store and fed him.
Then came along Natasha. She like Bruce genuinely befriended me while I befriended her to avoid becoming suspicious and in a strange way to get Shield's attention.
2 friends that I would genuinely talk to(even though it was an act) other than my family without the help of rooted potato over the course of months. This caused me to unknowingly begin to experience emotions that I had accidentally buried in me.
Then there was our time alone with each other as Bruce always left us to sleep early.
As a healthy human, it was natural to feel attracted to the opposite sex especially when we both spend talking so late in the middle of the night talking about our common interest. Not to mention when my emotional side was recovering due to both Natasha and Bruce's unknown effort.
My mind had slowly begun getting attracted to her without my knowledge over a period of time as my emotional hormones finally began affecting my brains. I just wasn't aware of this.
As for Natasha, I believe she had begun developing emotions for me for a while now. She just didn't show it and repressed it because of the nature of her job, her past and who she was.
Combine these 2 things and our hands coming in contact was just the catalyst needed for my subconscious mind to open the dam of emotions I have been having for her unknowingly.
We both sat there quietly hoping one of us would begin.
"I am sorry for how I treated you the other day. Please understand what happened was an accident." Natalie started off after unable to bear the awkward silence.
"Why not let it be something normal?" I asked her. Her eyes for a moment looked happy before she brought her serious face-up.
"I am sorry but I can't have a relationship with you."
I felt a pang of pain in my heart when she said that. 'So, this is how it feels to be alive and kicking. It felt better than poking all the world and secret organisation into hunting me down.
Guess emotions aren't truly bad after all.'
"Can I ask why?" I asked her, knowing full well what her problems were.
"2 things…" She sighed.
"…one is my job. I am barely home most of the time, sometimes I won't even come back home for months because of my job amongst other things. Not to mention I won't sometimes be there for you when you need me." She replied.
"Why don't you find another job?" I know it was a stupid question, but I still wanted to ask hoping she would give me an unexpected answer.
"I can't." She shook her head.
"I love my job very much." That was all she said. But I knew her job was something she used to redeem herself of her past mistakes.
"You will find mediation has made me a very patient person willing to wait," I told her.
She sighed once more listening to my answer.
"Two- What if one day our relationship progress and you want a normal family?"
"Then we will have a normal family if you want it," I stated the obvious.
"But I can't." This confused me.
'Why can't she have a normal family?' Then I suddenly remembered something as her eyes had a look of something she regretted.
Probably due to seeing my confused look, she explained. "Something happened in my life and I had no choice but to have a surgery done, because of that I can't have kids anymore. We can't have a normal family David.
So, I hope you can forget what happened 2 nights ago and remain as friends. Just think of that night as some kind of 1-night stand." She said with much difficulty and sadness.
I reviled myself of even manipulating her in the past along with Bruce. 'How could I have done that to people like them?'
Just seeing her face that has lost all hope made me feel disgusted with myself.
"I felt something different in me that I have never felt before that night..." I began seeing her quiet apologetic face.
"You made me feel emotions I could never feel for another person for the first time in my life other than for my family members.
I don't care if it was because of coincidence or just other factors but I am truly indebted to you for letting me feel alive once again." She nodded with a pleasant smile.
"So when I got my emotions back I asked myself how I can ever repay you? I was lost for an answer till now when I saw that pain in you." Her smile vanished.
"I have decided that I want you, Natalie. Not for the kids or family but to let you feel the same happiness I felt when I got back what I had lost. This is the only way I can ever repay you." I smiled at her.
I could see the happiness in her eyes. She wanted to accept my offer right there, but she stopped herself.
Natalie shook her head. "It won't work David. A relationship will always need both parties together for it to work along with a good level of communication.
I simply will not be home most of the time due to my job. Not to mention without kids as emotional support in a long term relationship our life will simply break apart soon." She bit her lower lip as her eyes turned red.
I just wanted to scream that I didn't need kids, I didn't need any emotional support, all I needed was her. But what she said was the truth. Cold but true facts.
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The only thing that can make this work was my rooted potato with its ability to inhibit my emotions with calm mind.
But she didn't know about my gifts causing her to think I would break down after a while of being with her.
Especially when she was lying about herself and her job. It would eat her alive if we went into a relationship with her not telling everything about herself to me. It would eat me alive as well since I would be doing the same to her. However, both of us couldn't tell each other our secrets.
I wanted to let her know that there was a way.
I kept racking my brain to think of something.
I didn't want to lose her neither did she want to lose me. I could see it in her eyes, and she could see it in mine.
But if something wasn't done both of us will soon go our separate ways very soon.
I know everything she said about remaining friends is bull crap. She will most likely never visit us after this day in order to not make it uncomfortable for me.
We remained silent for a while before I broke it. "How about this? Why don't we just do something like a trial? If it works we keep going, until it fails?" I asked her.
She didn't seem sure. "What if one day that simply won't be enough? What if…"
I interrupted her before she could say anything more. "There are a lot of what if's in life Natalie. Getting past those what if's is what makes life fruitful." She shook her head and was about to say something, but I didn't let her.
"I am just asking you to give the method I told you a try. Both of us have got nothing to lose by trying. If it does work we will both be happy. If it doesn't…" I clenched my hands.
I was lying. We would both lose a lot by trying and failing. We would both crush our selves emotionally so much if this didn't work out.
Especially Natasha. Her job requires her mental acuity to be always perfect lest it became a distraction to her mission. It was the reason why the red room took away her ability to have kids.
She stared at my eyes in seriousness.
She was silent for a while.
I wanted to tell her that she wasn't the only one hiding secrets, but I did not just like she did not either.
I could practically hear her mind shouting at her not to accept my method and not to hurt me due to who she really was. But like me, her emotional state was in control of her right now rather than her logical side.
Her hands slowly moved across the table-reluctantly and unsure- and placed it on top of my clenched hands.
I froze as I felt her cold hands on top of mine.
Probably due to feeling the warmth in my hand's clarity returned to her eyes.
Just as I sensed she was about to pull her hands back I grabbed them and held her hands tight from moving back.
I could feel her entire being had just frozen as she felt my hands grab her before she could retract them.
What now? There are no formula books in the world to guide me. I was all on my own here.
'El if you are listening please make this work somehow.' I prayed.
I noticed something. She wasn't struggling or looking for ways to pull her hands back.
She let her hands go and hoped I would do something about the damned situation where we both were in.
I looked at her eyes to see they were staring down at the table in front of her rather than at me or my hands.
I let go of her hands to see a single drop of tear shed from her right eye. My heart skipped a beat seeing that tear, so I grabbed her hands once more tightly.
However, this time there was no reaction from her.
"You never asked for a discount or free food from us," I spoke after a while.
She looked at me with her tear-filled red eyes. "You told us that Jeff and I are one of the only few people you closely know yet you always paid us even when we refused."
She nodded as tears began dripping from her eyes. "Why don't you be selfish for once Natalie? Why can't you be selfish for once and just accept our free food? What have you got to lose?
Everything is going downhill after today so why not be selfish as a last resort." I asked her as she bit her lower lips to stop it from trembling.
"Why can't you be selfish for yourself just for one time? Don't care about me and just be selfish for yourself. Just say yes, just for yourself Natalie without caring about my feelings." I felt something wet on my cheek, but I ignored it as I looked at her teary face.
"Once you say yes, it will be my responsibility for everything else." I finished off.
She smiled and that was all I needed to calm me down.
"Can I think about it?" She asked to which I hurriedly nodded.
She got up and left while I stayed back.
I just stayed on the chair.
I waited in hope that she would really be selfish for herself and come back just to satisfy my own selfishness.
I just sat there waiting without realising the time.
I heard Bruce coming back down. I looked up at the clock to notice it was already morning.
I used Extremis to freshen up and got up to face Bruce.
"What's for breakfast?" He asked with an awkward smile.
"The usual," I replied with a sigh as I went to the kitchen.
The whole day passed dreadfully slowly for me as I waited in hope.
However, even 10 minutes before our closing time she didn't arrive. "You think she is working today?" I asked Bruce casually.
He grinned in response before he nodded. "Most likely. Now stop worrying and just help clean up." Bruce passed me the table cloth.
'What does he mean by worrying?' I looked at him as he ignored my gaze and carried on cleaning.
I didn't allow Bruce to close the gates. "I will close it. You go to sleep." He looked at me in worry.
"David..." He began but I didn't want to hear him right now.
"Just go. I have been thinking about cleaning the outside windows and doors." I took a cleaning cloth and a bottle of spray.
"I heard what you two were talking about last night." He quickly stated just as I was to step outside.
I stood still. "Don't misunderstand I wasn't eavesdropping. It's just that the materials in this building aren't exactly good at noise cancelling." He chuckled.
'Oh boy. I completely forgot about that.' I cursed myself.
"She is probably working late as always. So, stop worrying too much and just go to sleep." He said as he climbed the stairs.
"I hope you are right my friend," I said with a smile as I walked out and sat by the door.
'Friend huh? Haven't genuinely called anyone that in a long time.' I smiled and looked up at the night sky.
I knew El was surely having his fun watching me. He probably knew that my mind would mess up so much from not using the gifts properly in a time when the body and brain were rapidly changing.
It was a good thing I met both Bruce and Natasha under these circumstances.
I looked at the empty road hoping I could see a glimpse of a redhead anywhere.
Minutes passed by like this.
'What am I even doing?' I slapped myself to my senses as I took my phone out.
I looked at the shield database and noticed she was deployed on a mission in Egypt since this morning.
I smiled before I walked in and closed everything up before I went to sleep.
Needless to say, I could not sleep so I just worked on designing a few projects of mine.
I got ready in the morning and walked out.
I used the Extremis to rejuvenate myself.
As Bruce came in for breakfast he stared at me. "You didn't sleep did you?"
"What are you, my mother?" I asked back.
"Not sleeping won't help…"
"Yeah, I know. I just couldn't sleep, not because I was worried if she would ever come back but because…" I paused
'Yeah, why didn't you sleep?' I asked myself.
"Because…" Bruce repeated.
"Fine, I couldn't sleep because I was worried," I admitted.
Darn, I hated to be pointed out.
"Just give her some space as well Dave. She might have other problems other than the ones she told you." He said as he made coffee.
"I know..."
'I know more than anyone else!' I shouted in my mind.
"...I am not really that dumb even though I act like a cold emotionless person sometimes," I stated in annoyance.
Bruce shrugged and just walked off with his plate of breakfast.
We both ate in silence.
Customers started arriving a while later.
Every minute felt like a drag for me.
I just wanted the day to be over and the next day to come.
During a free gap during lunch, I checked my phone to see Natasha had finished her mission and was back in America now.
This soon became a fatal mistake as I could not focus at all.
'Start cooking in place of me.' I ordered my ability after I messed up the 3rd sandwich. I was constantly worrying and couldn't focus at all.
I sat in the corner of my mind. Every time I heard the door opening by a customer my mind would grow restless hoping it would be her voice I could hear.
'Bruce is right. I have to give her some space.
I am not really thinking about her problems at all.' I sighed after a while.
If she came, then I would do everything in my power to maintain this relationship.
If she didn't, then…
"Hey, Jeff." I forcefully took control of my body as I heard her voice.
"Hey Nat!" Bruce sounded surprised and almost excited.
I controlled myself from running over to meet her and instead prepared a dinner for all 3 of us.
I walked out hold a tray full of food for all of us. "Hi, Nat." I smiled.
"Hi, Dave." Natalie aka Natalia smiled back while Bruce had a happy smile plastered on his face.
All 3 of us made some casual talks before Bruce retired for the night.
"Shall we finish where we left off last time?" I asked to which she looked unsure how to reply.
"I mean about the pizza." She chuckled.
"Sure." Seeing her nod, I responded.
"Great now let's get to finish learning how to make that pizza." I quickly got up and walked towards the kitchen followed by her.
After finishing off with the lesson I saw that she was preparing to leave.
"Hey, can you drop me off? Because of the gangs and everything." She asked just before she left the kitchen.
"One moment." I smiled as I grabbed my jacket and walked out.
Natasha and I slowly walked towards her house quietly through the empty street.
Our hands would occasionally brush against each other. At one such moment, I caught her hand and intertwined my fingers with hers without saying or even looking at her.
This was the moment. This will tell me if she decided to become selfish or not.
Seeing her not say anything I just smiled.
"So… how was your day?" I tried to make a conversation.
"Not bad. Was busy finishing a mini assignment that was handed to me yesterday." Natasha answered.
"What about you?"
"Store was busy and agonising yesterday and today. But in the end, I think it was worth it." I smiled.
We became quiet once more as we didn't know what else to say.
We quietly walked to her house. 'Fuck! I messed up so badly.' I regretted not talking much during the walk.
"Do you want to stay the night?" She asked as I stood before her door.
"If that is okay with you." She nodded with a smile as she opened the door.
I hung my jacket up together with hers as she grabbed my hands.
She guided me to her bedroom and to her bed.
I just got into the bed and laid there as she laid down with me.
Her back was facing me but she was closer to me this time than how we slept 2 days ago.
"David?" Natasha called out to me.
"Yes." She was quiet for a while before she spoke up.
"Thank you for letting me be selfish." That was all she said.
I wished I could see her face right now but all I could see was the back of her head.
Therefore, I did the next best thing. I put my arm over her and placed my palm on her chest.
She didn't ask what I was doing and just let me do what I wanted with her.
"I am feeling your heartbeat since I can't see your face." I felt her heart pounding on her chest as if someone was trying to break down a door using a hammer.
A moment later as her heart calmed down I prepared to move my hand away when I felt I couldn't.
I felt that both her hands were holding my hand down to her chest.
I smiled and this time I let her do as she wished with my hand.
I slept with a smile on my face.
Morning arrived and I was woken by when I felt Natasha moving around. I opened my eyes to see her face up close to mine just before her soft lips met mine.
"I have to get ready for work." She said as she moved her lips from mine. I nodded with a smile.
She quickly got up and went for a shower while I reminisced the feeling of her lips once more.
Hearing the bathroom door opening I saw her wrapped in her towel with water dripping from her hair.
I got up just as she handed me a spare towel. "Thank you." I smiled at which she smiled back.
I came out of the shower to see the bedroom was devoid of life.
I moved downstairs to see her in the process of making breakfast.
"Do you need help?" I asked out feeling kind of awkward standing around doing nothing.
"You are the cooking wizard. Feel free to improvise as much as possible." I grinned and moved towards her to help her.
I was so darn glad I learned cooking.
"So what do you know about the fashion world?" She asked as I chopped the mushrooms.
"Nothing about the current industry but enough knowledge about how things work," I replied.
"Great that makes it easier to explain my job." She began narrating her fake job to me, which I listened to and took an effort to memorise. I could see the effort she put into perfecting her story of a fake job. She really wanted this to work just like I did.
After breakfast, we walked out of the door together. "See you tomorrow." She kissed me on my cheek.
"See you tomorrow," I kissed back and both of us went our separate ways.
Thus began our relationship which started off with lies and selfishness.