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The Bartender at the End of the Universe
Ch 9: Is There a Doctor in the House?

Ch 9: Is There a Doctor in the House?

"I would usually call a healer."

"Without a way to official diagnose him, or his full list of symptoms, the best I have is vague conjecture."

"Yep, seems we're all in a spot of trouble here," sighed Sentenza.

Trizel, Sentenza, Sid, and Bakade were all standing around Ted, who was lying in Nugget's bed. It seems the chicken was at least somewhat worried as well, as she had quietly insisted Ted stay there to rest. She even curled up and sat on his feet as if they were her own chicks that she was keeping warm.

None of them knew what to do. They all had skills in things like killing, hunting, leading armies, cheating at poker, and so on. But taking care of the sick? Well, that was not a priority for any of them in their last world. In fact, Trizel stormed out of the room in a huff.

A few minutes later, Trizel appeared. He threw down a box with a red cross on it, and it shattered against the floor. The others were startled, and Nugget even jumped off of the bed, and then strut out of the room. The box had been full of medical supplies and was now scattered about the floor mixed with splinters and big chunks of wood. Slowly the other three looked up at Trizel in disbelief.

"Why did you commit to such an action Trizel?" queried Sid.

Trizel was already on his hands and knees searching through the debris. "We do not have time to be cautious! Ted is plagued by some unknown curse or disease. Time is the most important thing right now, and the sooner we act the better chances he will have!"

As Trizel dug through the medical equipment Bakade knelt next to him and put a hand on his back. She held it there a moment before she turned her flaming eyes down and dug through the shattered crate with him.

"Curious. Simply opening the crate would have been sufficient. In fact, destroying it made it more difficult to obtain the proper treatment from inside."

"Oh? You know what the proper treatment is now Sid? Then why have you not spoken up about it yet?" snapped Trizel.

"Try and calm down," said Sentenza calmly. "Arguing isn't going to help anything. Although," he added as he turned towards Sid, "even if you don't know for sure what he has. Any suggestions that could be in the same ballpark are better than nothing."

"Absolutely incorrect Sentenza. If I suggest the incorrect course of treatment, it could exacerbate his condition. Not to mention my apprehension at how far diverged humans may be in the two different worlds or times we come from."

Sentenza shook his head. "Fine, do whatever you want. I don't like sitting here and feeling useless, so I'm going out. Who knows, maybe I'll find something." As he headed out of the room, he added under his breath, "At least I know I'll find less aggravation out there."

As he grumbled down the hallway, he scratched his neck. His seemed to be distracted in his thoughts as he almost didn't notice Nugget walking down the center of the hallway with a wet washcloth in her beak. Sentenza managed to swerve against the wall and avoid her as she passed by. Nugget strolled back into the room where they were still sorting through the crate while Sid stood over them trying to coordinate where different things should go. She ignored the three of them and hopped up onto the bed. She stood on the pillow next to Ted, and gently draped the cold washcloth over his forehead. Ted stirred slightly, as the cold touched against his burning hot forehead.

"Hey! Leave him alone you blasted bird!" snarled Trizel as he stood up with a chunk of wood in his hand.

Nugget hopped over Ted and stood on the bed between his sick body and Trizel. She stared calmly at the giant man. Bakade moved her moose skull head back and forth, looking from Trizel to Nugget and back again. She lifted her scrawny, long arm up to try and stop them, but the raw violence and aggression practically poured out from Trizel and Nugget. This seemed to keep her at bay, doing little less that quietly lifted her hand halfway up.

Sid also seemed to have been forced to pause as the two of them stared each other down. As they both stood in silence with Bakade weakly lifting her hand in protest, it became too much for him. Sid turned away and stared out the window. Oddly enough, he saw Sentenza outside. The cowboy was halfway in his covered wagon.

"Dang it! There's got to be something here." Sentenza had thrown the blankets to the side as he stuck his arm into the small, glowing portal in his wagon. He kept pulling out various things as he cursed under his breath. A book on lockpicking, a bunch of bananas, a box of cigarillos, a pouch of unrefined gold, and more and more varied things. He'd reach his hand down up to his elbow and pull something else out, complain how it was useless, and then toss it deeper into the wagon before he reached in again.

"Curious." murmured Sid as he watched Sentenza's spectacle from far above him.

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BANG!

CRASH!

Sid turned around to see Nugget and Trizel fighting as Bakade stood back with her hands up and mouth agape. She was waving them desperately, as if to try and call off the fight from a distance, but neither Trizel, nor Nugget seemed to pay any attention to her.

Trizel was throwing his fists around and shattering everything they touched. The door, the wall, the dresser, but not Nugget. She managed to dodge each strike by the breadth of a single feather. With each dodge, she made a quick strike with her beak onto Trizel. Soon his arms were covered in small red marks.

"Alright then foul demon!" snarled Trizel. "It's time I stopped playing around with you. He pulled back his arms against his sides and widened his stance as he took in a deep, slow breath.

Nugget had moved next to Sid and stood firm and calm.

The air started to get heavier as Trizel began to let out a deep hum that rose in intensity. Finally, when he was practically screaming, he blasted forward towards Nugget. "Twin...Moons...PUNISHING....BURST!!!!!"

As his arms stretched out towards the chicken, it was almost as if two large balls were forming from the wind being pushed away from his fists. The momentum and force of his attack let him move far faster than he could normally. And as his fists came crashing down like meteors, Nugget dashed past them. All in a fraction of a second, she had moved past his attack and spread her wings. She squatted low and slid on the hardwood before she jumped up, knocking Trizel's legs out from under him and sending him out of control towards Sid. Sid's mouth fell open as Trizel smacked headfirst into him.

CRASH!

Sentenza looked up as he saw Trizel and Sid flying out of the window. He quickly pulled his hand out and sneered as he held another book of matches. As the two of them fell to the ground, he covered the portal back up and quickly shoved the things he had grabbed around.

"Ugh...curse that devil...in chicken's clothing." groaned Trizel as he tried to get his bearings.

"I..." stammered Sid. "I did not think I could...feel this kind of pain."

Trizel swayed back and forth as he managed to bring himself to his feet. He reached a hand down and grabbed ahold of Sid's arm. With a firm grip, he forced the silver man up and kept a firm grip on him until Sid was steady enough to stand on his own. "I apologize for the rough landing Sid. I have never had someone dodge out of the way of my special move before." He looked Sid up and down and added, "Are we going to need to attend to you as well as Ted now?"

"Allow me a moment to appraise myself," said Sid as he was still struggling to find firm footing with his balance seemingly gone. "Damage appears minimal. With my advanced healing features merely restoring my fat reserves will be enough to ensure I return to full capacity."

"You two sure know how to make an entrance, don't you?" smirked Sentenza as he lit a half-used cigarillo in his mouth. "What happened? Did that lanky girl throw you out for being too loud or something?"

"What? Bakade?" asked Trizel. "No, she was compliant enough. It was that darned Chicken of course!"

Sentenza raised an eyebrow. "Sure, that chicken has some gumption, but you lost a one-on-one showdown against her?"

"That is correct," Sid chimed in as he put his skeletal hand on his chest. "Trizel seemed unable to lay a single blow on her, while she struck him multiple times before tricking him into throwing himself out the window."

"Trick! That's the word. It was a dirty move, and that she-devil..."

As Trizel put his own spin on the situation, Bakade and Nugget were up in the half-ruined room. Bakade scratched under her chin as she looked around at the destruction. Then, a "Bawk," from Nugget demanded her attention. She turned towards the chicken who had a pouch of powder from the scattered medical supplies in her beak. She jerked her head towards the door and then began to walk out of the room. While Bakade stood still as she tried to understand what was happening.

"Bakaw!" Nugget's cry was muffled from the pouch in her mouth, but she had stuck her head back in the room as she stared at Bakade.

Finally, Bakade seemed to understand, and she followed behind Nugget, leaving Ted alone in the room. His breathing was heavy as his face was bright red, but his eyes stayed closed.

Nugget led Bakade down into the kitchen, where she pulled down a mug from the cupboard. With the precision of an expert surgeon, Nugget used her beak to slice through the pouch that had "Pedialyte" printed on the side and poured half of the powder into the mug. She set the half full pouch down on the counter and looked up at Bakade. The gangly girl just stared back. So, the hen pushed the mug closer towards the sink and with a flap of her wings hopped to the faucet and turned on the water. Bakade finally understood and filled the mug with water. Once it was mostly full, Nugget stopped the water and hopped over along the counter. With her feet, she opened the silverware drawer and pulled out a long spoon. She dropped the spoon into the drink and nudged it with her head. The skin and bones woman seemed to understand as she began to stir the liquid.

Nugget led Bakade back up to where Ted was sleeping. The bird hopped up next to Ted on the pillow and nudged her head against the bottom of his neck. Bakade watched for a moment, and finally put her elongated hand gently under Ted's head and titled it up. As Nugget watched over her, she pressed the liquid to Ted's lips and forced him to drink. At first, he coughed and choked, but after a few attempts, he was drinking it just fine. After the mug was about halfway gone, Nugget squawked at Bakade. She pulled the mug away and set Ted's head back onto the pillow. Content, Nugget climbed back down to Ted's feet, where she settled down to sleep. Bakade set the mug on the one nightstand still standing, then began to clean up some of the mess.

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Days passed. With Ted refusing to fully wake up. Only having brief moments where he cried out. Sometimes it was gibberish, other times there were snippets of actual words, like "look out," "puppets," "don't leave me," and a few others. Besides Nugget, who seemed to switch out his cold washcloth every few hours and rest on his feet, the others took turns directly caring for Ted. Making this "Pedialyte" that none of them truly understood, helping him drink, changing his pillows and sheets, and just sitting up with him.

"It's strange," commented Sentenza as he rocked back and forth on the back legs of his chair. "I've killed plenty of people, but this feels different."

"Agreed," nodded Sid. "However, in my case. I deduce that is because of my lack of direct purpose. I now have more room for worrying about outcomes instead of trusting in whichever is most likely. It has been...quite odd."

"It seems we are all in similar positions," agreed Trizel. "I have worried of course, but it was not over a single life. They were more abstract worries over the fate of my kingdom."

"Nope, never even anything like that. If a guy was faster than me. Well, there'd be nothing I could do about that by worrying." Sentenza explained. "I'd prepare of course and be ready to win any way I could. But everyone meets someone faster than them eventually. The west is a young man's game after all."

"So, you accept your defeat at the hands of the bulletproof boy?" queried Sid.

Sentenza sneered while Trizel let out a quick snort. "That's different," said Sentenza as he flicked away the butt of his cigarillo. "When something like that happens, you can't help but feel cheated."

"You say you would be understanding, but your attitude says otherwise. This person beat you at your game. Perhaps he had some trick he used, but the end result is the same is it not?"

"You have him there Sid, but some things do not fit so well into how they should be. In fact, I'd suspect you are quite upset over your loss. When all those children did was turn the hunter into the hunted."

"You are correct, but I do not hold any false belief that if I had been defeated any other way, I would be any more content with it." explained Sid. "Any loss would be unacceptable in my..."

With a loud slam, the door from outside flung open. A shadowy figure was standing in the doorway with all of them cloaked in shadow, except for a wry smile as white as bleached whale bones.

The newcomer opened their mouth, and their voice was both condescending, commanding, and motherly all at once. "Gentlemen, I do hope I am not interrupting, but it is high time we settle your debts."