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The Bartender at the End of the Universe
Ch 16: Chicken Soup for the Soul

Ch 16: Chicken Soup for the Soul

"Five days."

"You would think it would drown out that purple thing."

"Well, have you checked on it lately?"

"Hah! As if I could. Any of us getting that close to the edge would be swept away in an instant."

"Then for all we know, it is flooded."

Trizel paused right before throwing the sandbag in his hands. He brought it back in front of him as the rain poured down. Finally, he sighed and shook his head as he threw the full sack up against the outside walls of the oasis on top of other sacks.

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"Ugh, I hate rain." grumbled Narissa.

"At least Sid figured out a plan pretty quickly. Who knows what would've happened if he and Trizel didn't make those barriers, and then fix them up each day." Ted rubbed his eyes and yawned before he shook his head back and forth.

"Tired?"

"It's getting harder to sleep."

Narissa shook her head. "Oh yes, I hear you dear. Knowing those brutes are so close is absolutely unsettling."

"Huh? No, it's the sound of the rain."

"I heard that was supposed to be relaxing."

"I guess, but I can't stop thinking about what if the roof buckles under the pressure, or the barrier doesn't hold up while I'm sleeping, and I wake up to find everything flooded."

"It isn't that deep outside you know. Most falls over the edge I'd assume."

"Yeah, but how is it still coming down then? It hasn't stopped for even a moment."

"Yes, and Sentenza, with his allegedly legendary tracking skills, could find hide nor hair of another creature here other than us. Nothing strange to imply a cause for this torrential downpour."

"It just..."

Narissa gingerly placed her hand on top of Ted's. "I understand dear. Sometimes anxiety does not make perfect sense. Still does not change how you feel." She pulled her hand back as she went into one of her tirades. "Like that fool of a stepdaughter of mine. So worried I was taking her father away she poisoned him against me! Was I perfect? Of course not, who is? Then that fool prince, ugh what a simpleton. Perfect jawline though. Why I swear you could chop trees down with that, and those abs of his. Oh boy. Now those were picture perfect."

As she started to go off about her stepdaughter and the prince, Ted started to nod off until his head slumped onto the table. With a small snore, Narissa stopped talking. She rubbed her hand against her forehead. "I swear this stress is going to give me wrinkles," she murmured to herself.

While Ted slept on the table she stood up and headed into the kitchen. As she walked, her eyes darted around, making sure no one saw her. Finally in the kitchen she grabbed a pot and got to work. She pulled out her small book and flipped through the pages.

"Ugh, I hate using this while it's small..." she glanced around again, and then closed the little book. She grabbed it by its corner and pulled it to the opposite side, but instead of opening, it was as if she was unfolding the book as it doubled in size. She did this a couple more times until the book was nearly the size of her torso. "Much better," she cooed as she flipped it back open.

"Ugh, it's still fading. Cursed imp." she complained as she squinted at the symbols that varied from sharp black to almost completely faded away. She filled the pot with water, and then spit into it. She glanced towards the door of the kitchen, and then to the window that led to outside. Everyone else was busy, and Ted was sleeping. With a snap of her fingers the door to the kitchen slammed shut, and there was a clicking noise. As in the distance a quiet, "bawk" echoed.

She reached around in her clothes and pulled out a piece of chalk. "By the fires of Mount Forloth. By the Ancient rites of the Gurloks. I command thee to spring forth. Create life where once there was none. Hide the sun and shelter the faithful with your watchful eye. I command it. I command it!" as she chanted, she drew the chalk along a line over the window. With her final command, the wood started to bow and buckle, until from out of it deep purple curtains fell down to conceal her.

"Ah, now that's much better," she cooed before turning back to the pot. She looked at the chalk and sighed as she crumbled it up in her hand and let it drop into the pot.

She reached around her clothes again and pulled out a small pouch. "This is my last one, so you'd better not screw me on this Og'drimun."

As soon as the water in the pot was boiling, she dropped the pouch in. Smoke billowed up in a mushroom cloud from the pot, and it slowly formed into a smoky skull that seemed to let out a low moan. She tapped the side of the pot with a wooden spoon. "Hey! Can you hear me you lazy little freeloader?"

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She waved her hands through the smoke and tapped on the side of the pot even harder. "Do you hear that? It's the lovely Narissa telling you to get your head on straight!"

A deep, ominous voice bellowed out from the waters of the pot as the boiling waters started to spin on their own. "Who dares contact me? The all-powerful ruler of the deep! King under the mountain! Do you truly value your soul so little as to..."

"Cut the act you little brat!" she snapped. "I'm alive, so I know you haven't been forced back to your prison under the mountain. And you better believe I know you're not dumb enough not to realize that on your own." She put a hand on her hip as she scowled down at the bubbling waters in the pot. "So why haven't you been responding to my summons?"

"Uh, well, you see..." the voice had changed to a higher pitched, nasally shriek.

"You better think really carefully about what you say next, because I had to use my emergency pouch to connect us like this." she held the wooden spoon above the pot as if she was going to hit it.

"Come now Narissa. Things are...complicated. There are powers involved here that dwarf even my mother in her prime."

"Not so complicated that I couldn't finish us both with a simple spell!" she said as she whacked the top of the pot.

"HhHoOoOolLlddDd oOoOnNNn NnNoOoWwWww," the nasally voice reverberated as if the pot was the one speaking.

"Talk you greedy brat!" she commanded.

As the pot stopped shaking, the voice let out a sigh. "You've seen the book, right?'

"Do you think I'd willingly talk to you if it wasn't important? Of course I noticed!"

"When the prince shattered the altar of remembrance, he unknowingly cut deep into my power."

"Stop beating around the bush. Just get to it Og'drimun!"

"My powers are fading."

Narissa's eyes grew wide, "Which means..."

"Yes, yours are too."

She slammed her fist onto the counter and snarled. "Do you know what I sacrificed for this! Now you're telling me it was all for nothing! I gave you everything! And now it's all for nothing?"

"Hey, this is rough for me too you know! If I get sent back under the mountain in this weakened state, it'll kill me."

She tossed the spoon into the pot in frustration. Og'drimun let out a yelp of pain. "Hey! I'm right here you know!"

With a scowl she turned to her leather-bound book and flipped through the pages. Most of them were blank now. FInally, she slammed it shut and threw it against the wall.

"Oh dear, why so upset little one?"

Narissa spun around in surprise as a voice that sent chills down her spine came from deeper in the kitchen. It was the smiling man. In his black suit with his blindingly white smile.

"That voice. Narissa! You've got to...."

"Oh, that's no fun. He'll spoil the surprise!" the smiling man giggled as he suddenly appeared next to Narissa and with a quick wave of his hand, the pot was gone.

Narissa backed away until she bumped against the door. She clutched her necklace as she stared at him. "Who are you?"

"Names are so...pedantic." he said with a predatory grin. "Besides, it isn't who I am, but what I can do for you my dear."

"Wait...I know that smile..."

"Ah, it's true what they say about you then. Such a strong will." he pulled a small pouch out of his jacket pocket. "That might get you in trouble someday, but for today all I have is an offer for you."

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"Wakey wakey sleepyhead."

Ted groaned as he slowly came to. "Who, wa?"

He looked up and then jumped back, as he saw the smiling man standing to his side and gently shaking him awake. As he moved away, the man clapped his hands together and nodded.

"Yes, very good! Very good indeed. Your last batch was more than satisfactory. Such a delectable assortment. I must say we were all impressed."

"Uh...thanks?" Ted had not completely woken up, and part of him figured he was still sleeping. "Wait, but if I was sleeping, I'd never think to think I might be sleeping." he mumbled.

The smiling man tapped a finger on his chin. "A quite astute observation," he finally said. "Though I would think it depends on one's perception of reality and distrust of that as well."

"Huh?" Ted's mind was slowly coming into focus. He shook his head and slapped his cheeks a few times to try and speed up the process. "I think you're reading too much into my ramblings."

"Ah, but the flow of consciousness uninhibited by the filter of thinking so often catches glimpses of reality you might otherwise miss."

"Alright everyone that should...What's he doing in here!" Trizel squeezed his hat off as he walked through the door before he cut off mid-sentence and jumped back when he saw the smiling man standing at the central table.

"It appears he has arrived early for this week's shipment." explained Sid as he walked in behind Trizel.

"Ah, astute as always!" said the smiling man as he clapped his hands together again. "Oh, but I also wanted to check in on my gift? How do you like it?"

"Gift, what gift?" Ted asked.

"Why all this wondrous water of course! I know the poor giant was worried about your supplies, so I figured I would pick the most important one, and make sure you never had to worry about it again!"

"You did this!" snarled Trizel. "Ah, I should have known. Of course, you would do something this twisted."

"Twisted? Oh my, do you not like my wonderful gift? I would have thought you would be happy to have no need to worry about water anymore. That is the most important thing humans need to survive is it not?"

"Technically you are correct," Sid cut in before Trizel could yell some more. "But this much water given in this way adds more complications to our survival."

"Oh dear, it seems I have blundered again." There was a slight disconnect from his cheerful smile and the morose voice he let out that seemed exceptionally uncanny. It also made his seemingly regretful words seem more mocking than sincere.

"Well can't you just stop it then?" suggested Ted as he started to walk towards the kitchen.

There was a twinkle where the man's eye should be, and he stepped to the side to block Ted. "Oh, I'm afraid it is not so simple my dear Ted." He put his arm around Ted's shoulder as he shook his head. "You see, I had to pull a lot of strings to get this storm here, and the paperwork alone to take care of the water that fell over the sides was a nightmare. To simply take it all back. Well, that would be quite the cost for little old me."

"You blasted devil!" snapped Trizel. "You caused this mess and now you are saying you can do nothing to clear it up!"

"I never said I couldn't fix it. Just that it will be quite a burden on me to do that." the man corrected Trizel with a wag of his finger.

"So now you're extorting us?" Ted chimed in as he tried to slip out of the man's grasp but try as he might the smiling man's arm always ended up perfectly around his shoulders without outright using physical force to keep Ted still.

"Ooh, that's a fun word! But no. It simply is not worth my time to fix. I doubt any of you have something valuable enough to get me to take this back." He slipped away from Ted and in a moment was looking out a window at the storm. "Besides, this was a gift, and don't they say never to look a gift storm in the eye?"

"I think it's supposed to be don't look a gift horse in the mouth."

"But it's the eye of the storm, not the mouth of the storm. It'd make no sense to say never look a gift storm in the mouth."

"It's...nevermind," sighed Ted.

"Well fiend, you cause this mess and then say you shall do nothing about it! Maybe you should learn to take responsibility for your actions." snarled Trizel as he threw a sandbag at the smiling man.

"So bold," chuckled the man as he easily swerved out of the path of the heavy sack. "Ah, it seems I am underappreciated, like most geniuses in their time. Very well, if you give me ten extra barrels of that bush ginger beer on top of the twenty miscellaneous barrels you already owe me, then I shall...consider taking back my generous gift."

"Why you double sided no...."

"Deal," chimed in Ted.

"What!" snapped Trizel.

"It's a deal. We'll give you the barrels, and you can think about it after you get out of here." reinforced Ted.

The man appeared in front of Ted as he grasped his hand. "Then the deal is settled. No worries if they are not ready, I have no problem waiting. In fact, to show how much you're missing, I'll even head out for a leisurely walk. Would any of you care to join me?"

Ted and Trizel just stared at him as Sid answered, "No thank you."

"Ah, then I shall see you in a bit." He strolled towards the door, and as he approached Sid and Trizel he added, "Excuse me gentlemen."

Trizel glared down at him, but Sid moved away. With the opening, he passed by Trizel and slipped out into the storm.

Ted rubbed the bridge of his nose in silence before he finally asked, "Could you guys help me out? We're three barrels short, and I want to get him out of here as quickly as we can."