We are gathered here today to lay to rest a good friend.

Death had a black veil over his face and was wearing a full black suit covered by a black trench coat as he stood beside a freshly dug grave. The mist hung low and thick as it made the scene even more dramatic. Although, the atmosphere was anything but solemn. Death was clearly in mourning, but besides Og'drimun and Pockets, who almost looked more like a mime than a clown since she was also wearing all black, no one else seemed sad. In fact, several of them looked rather irritated. Trizel had his arms crossed with a scowl on his face while Sentenza was outright ignoring Death and just cleaning his rifle.

Everyone who knew them were touched by their life. They were always there to lift us up. To give us a smile when we were down. To remind us that life truly is worth living. I still remember the first time I saw them. I rejected them and their message of comfort. I was too stuck in my old ways and couldn't appreciate them as they were. I just... Death made sobbing noises in all their heads, but in his eerie voice, it almost sounded more like the moaning of a ghost.

Og'drimun sniffled, and Pockets pulled out a string of black and white handkerchiefs out from her red nose that she handed to him. The small demon blew his nose on one and dabbed at his eyes with another.

Anyway! Death composed himself and raised a finger up into the sky as he continued. This is not a time for mourning what could have been, or how they were cruelly stolen from us. No, this is a time to celebrate all the blessings they have given us. We should not dwell on the sadness their loss brings, but on the joyful memories we do have. Cherish them! Let the joy they brought bring you warmth in these trying times. Lean on each other and spread joy everywhere you can. It's what they would have wanted.

Death motioned towards the coffin. Ted sighed and walked over. Death turned to look up at Trizel, and motioned for him to head over as well.

Trizel rolled his eyes. "Is all this really necessary?"

Death gasped as he put a hand over where his heart would be. Ted shook his head with a weary look on his face. "Come on Trizel, just help me lift the coffin."

"Yeah!" Pocket scolded in a huffy voice. "Show some respect while you're at it! Some of us are in mourning."

"Strong talk coming from the murderer," Sentenza said nonchalantly as he continued to carefully clean his rifle.

"That's!" stammered Pockets. "That's not fair! They were just..." she shivered and smiled as she closed her eyes, "So stabbable. I couldn't help myself."

Death shook his head. This hardly seems appropriate talk for the funeral. You're supposed to be remembering good memories! Not talking about their horrific mutilation!

"But that's what brought me joy about them," Pockets cooed. "The knife just glided in so easily, and the rattling..." she shivered again. "Ooh, it gives me tingles just thinking about it!"

Ted sighed wearily.

"She's got a right to grieve in her own way," interjected Narissa. "And Trizel, just go help. I want to get this whole thing over with."

"That is...a good point actually." Trizel said before he walked over to the coffin. He lifted the entire thing up without Ted, and just tossed it into the hole. With a contented nod, he dusted his hands off.

Wha...what have you done! Bemoaned Death. Such carelessness. That's no way to lay someone to rest!

"Yeah, how would you know?" asked Sentenza. "I doubt you stuck around long enough to ever see a corpse buried."

"And you have?" cried Og'drimun before he blew his nose again. "You're so heartless! Can't you understand the loss some of us are feeling?"

"Of course I've seen someone buried," Sentenza smirked. "I made a man dig his own before I put two bullets in his back. Although if you're being technical, I never actually put the dirt back in the hole. Figured the buzzards might get hungry."

"More like you didn't want to do the work," said Narissa.

Sentenza nodded. "Fair enough, a bit of that too. Digging a hole is tough work."

You're all getting off topic! Trizel just threw the coffin straight down the hole. You're supposed to lower it carefully or something like that!

"Wwhhhyyyy?" asked Bakade.

Why? Death asked, flabbergasted. What do you mean?

Bakade scratched the crack in her skull. "Iiiifff ttthhheeeyyy'rrreee ddeeeaaddd, tthheeennn tthhheeeyyy cccaaannn'ttt tteelll aaannnyyywwaayy, rriigghhttt? Sssooo wwhaattt ddooeess iiitt mmaaatteeer?"

It, I...uhh. Death lifted up his veil to scratch his jaw. Then he folded his arms across his chest and nodded slowly. Of course! It's out of respect for them. So just tossing them into the hole is like disrespectful and junk.

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

"Well, there is nothing we can do about it now," declared Trizel as he grabbed a shovel and started to toss dirt in. "Just have to move forward, right? It is what they would have wanted anyway."

Whoa! Wait a minute, stop! Death ran around to stand between Trizel and the hole. We still need to give people time to speak about them.

"Shouldn't that have been done before their coffin was put down there?" asked Narissa. "A little late now."

No, it's just...unconventional! Yeah, that's it. I definitely know what I'm doing.

"Then why don't I refill the grave while people talk? We could save a ton of time that way." suggested Trizel.

Well, I don't know if we should be that unconventional.

"I'll start!" called out Og'drimun as he flew over to hover in front of the grave. He cleared his throat and said, "I didn't know them very long. In fact, most of our time together, I had turned my back to them. I wish.." he began to sniffle. "I wish I had known how short our time together was going to be. Then maybe I would've...would've spent more time appreciating the special relationship we had."

Og'drimun blew his nose again and took in a deep breath to steel himself. "They loved me like a brother, and I never told them how much they meant to me. Now it's...it's too late!"

As he began to sob again, Narissa face palmed and let out an annoyed groan. He immediately turned to her with fury in his eyes as he yelled. "Hey! I'm the one talking right now. Show me a little bit of respect!"

Narissa rubbed her temples as she said, "The worst part is you're actually sad about this, aren't you?"

"Of course I'm sad! It's such a tragedy." he bawled.

Death walked over and put a hand on Og'drimun's tiny shoulder as he nodded. It's alright. You have every reason to be sad. They were the greatest of us all by far.

Trizel took the opportunity to start shoveling more dirt into the grave again. Ted lifted his hand, and was going to stop him, but changed his mind. He did think this was a little silly, but Death was genuinely upset about it. Still, he didn't see the point in staying here longer than necessary. However, he saw Sid start to pipe up, but noticed it too late to stop him.

"If you are so sad," asked Sid, "why not just get another shirt?"

Death and Og'drimun's jaws dropped open at such a ridiculous suggestion.

"You can't just say that to someone!" Gasped Pockets. "Some things are irreplaceable, and that shirt...mmm, that stabbable shirt..." she shuddered again as she bit her lower lip.

"At least they're dumb enough to actually mourn the thing," sighed Narissa. "You just wish it was back so you could tear it apart again."

Pockets put her hand behind her back and kicked at the ground. "Well..."

"What makes that article of clothing so special?" Sid continued. "It was not even made of high quality, like Sentenza's coat that was ruined. We held no funeral for any of his clothing."

Well, we can't all be heartless machines!

"Except I do have a heart. I made sure of it when I designed this body." explained Sid.

You have a physical heart, sure, but no caring heart!

"Yeah!" agreed Og'drimun. "You don't have the emotions of a true heart!"

"Ah," nodded Sid. "I was attempting humor to diffuse the tense situation. It seems you understand the premise of my joke, but still misunderstood its humor. Allow me to explain..."

It was quite the mess of a funeral for Death's Bad to the Bone t-shirt Pockets cut up. The next few hours were filled with arguments, odd eulogies that humanized a t-shirt and their relationship with it far beyond what Ted had noticed. Eventually, Bakade and Narissa fell asleep. They seemed to have had enough of everything, and since they couldn't leave, they leaned against the outer walls of The Oasis, and fell asleep standing. Trizel kept trying to fill in the grave, but Death always seemed to catch him after a few shovels and interrupt everything to try and explain why he needed to wait. It was a car crash of an event, but in its own strange way, it was fun. Although, even with how fun it was, Ted wouldn't want to repeat it any time soon.

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Trizel set down two barrels on the table, and then took his seat. Ted filled nine mugs with one barrel, and then nine more with the other barrel. One had a brown liquid that practically shot out of the tap and into the mugs, which left them mostly foam. The other one poured beautifully and was a light yellow. Ted made sure everyone had one of both before he took two small saucers and filled one with the brown liquid, and the other the yellow. Then, at last, he took his seat at their main table. It was odd. He could have sworn it used to be two tables put together, but here it was a round one with just enough space for each of them, and Nugget in the middle

"Two experiments for tonight?" asked Trizel. "What's the occasion?"

"Well, a lot of things happened." Ted shrugged. "We were a little too busy to really sit down and try the...beer." Ted sighed as he looked down at the brown liquid. He didn't trust it. He was just sure it would be awful.

"Beer, as in actual beer?" asked Sentenza as he sniffed the brown liquid, which made him raise an eyebrow. "Almost smells like bread."

"Yeah it." Ted sighed. "It was a mess. Not only was it a hassle to make, and I made a million mistakes doing it, but it's over carbonated too. It's like it's ready to burst that entire barrel. Although it is supposed to taste kind of like bread, with hints of cloves and bananas if you believe people who say beer tastes like something other than beer."

"Whoa now," said Lulu. "You really need to work on your sales pitch. Instead of a million mistakes, just say it's highly experimental. Instead of it being over carbonated, it practically puts itself into the glass! And say it has all those fancy flavors. Just mentioning it is sure to make them think they can taste it. I mean, didn't you ever read the emperor's new clothes?" She slapped Ted on the back and smiled. "You gotta put a good spin on this stuff kid. A first impression is everything."

"I would not have used those words, but you should have a little more confidence in yourself Ted." agreed Trizel. "You have shown yourself a capable brewer and innkeeper. By far, the best I have ever known."

"And how many do you know?" asked Narissa.

Trizel smirked. "Ah, why countless! I made a habit of tasting the alcohol of each region I conquered."

"Ignoring Mr. Bigshot here," interrupted Sentenza. "I'm guessing you want to know what we think, right? So we should go ahead and taste it?"

Ted gulped. He was still nervous. What if it made them sick? Or what if some of the chunks made it through somehow? "Yeah," he was finally able to mutter. "Let's try it."

Ted lifted the mug of beer to his lips and tossed it back. Soon, everyone else followed him, except Narissa who took a careful sip, before shuddering and pushing it away.

Ted shook his head. It tasted like a cheap beer that had chunks of bread soaking in it. It was interesting to say the least, but he definitely didn't taste any bananas or cloves. Just grainy beer with the light hint of hops.

Trizel nodded. "It's not bad. Definitely beer. I would put it in about the middle range between good and bad. I have had much worse, but I have also had better. Though, I would not be upset if this was served to me, and I would indeed have seconds, thirds, and more!"

Sentenza nodded. "Yep. He's mostly right, though I wouldn't put it as far down." Sentenza took another long drink and set the mug down. "Maybe it's just that it's been a while, but boy is that beer flavor refreshing."

Sid slowly nodded. "I must say that I do not care for it. It is far too bitter."

"That's just the way beer is." explained Sentenza.

"This is the only beer I have ever had." Sid added. "I will say that I prefer the harder stuff, and the sweeter stuff to this."

"Ah, he's crazy." said Og'drimun. "This is absolutely delicious!"

"Nostalgic," smiled Lulu. "I don't love beer, but there's something nostalgic about a cheap beer like this. The rum is great, but this is quite nice in its own way."

Nugget looked down at her empty saucer. She pushed it aside and looked up at Ted before she nodded slowly.

Bakade shrugged. "Iiiittt'sss ffiiinnneee? IIIII ddoonn'ttt llooovvveee iiittt, bbbuuuttt III ddooonn'ttt hhaaattteee iiitttt eeeiiittthheerr. Iiiittt'ss bbeeeeeerrrr."

Narissa forced a smile as she looked towards Ted. "Yeah. it's a bit lowbrow for me. Just...not my style. Not that I'm saying you did a bad job of course, that's definitely beer, it's just..." she shuddered. "It's just not for me."

Death slammed the mug down on the ground before he lifted his arms up into the air. Whoooooooooo!!! That's the stuff! He lowered his arms as he looked down at Ted. Say, how alcoholic is this exactly?

"It's barely alcoholic really. Compared to the other stuff here at least." explained Ted as their mix of reviews left him slightly anxious. It was strange. No clear adoration, but respect from each of them in their own way. He didn't really know how to respond to it.

Oh dang, nevermind. I'm here to party, so I think I'd prefer harder stuff to this thing. But it is pretty bitter and does remind me of the smell of the dough balls before we put them in the freezer or fridge.

"Wait, how do you smell without a nose?" asked Lulu.

Why, very carefully of course! huhuhu

The rest of the table groaned.

Death turned around and fist pumped twice. Yes! You're absolutely killing it Death!

"Alright!" Lulu stood up as she held up the mug of yellow liquid. "It's high time we move on to the real star of tonight's show. The sweet nectar only possible because of my tireless efforts and labor! The mead!"