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The Bartender at the End of the Universe
Ch 295: The Difficulty of Convincing a Mother

Ch 295: The Difficulty of Convincing a Mother

"Really now, I know you're protective, but there's no need to rush to violence." The golden goddess warned.

The knight turned to look towards her, but her bright visage made him turn his gaze down towards the ground. He frowned as Harold's face started to turn slightly purple.

"As...as you command," he said through his teeth.

THUMP

Harold gasped deeply for air as if it was the last breath he would ever take.

As his face slowly returned to the right color he continued, to choke and gasp for air on the ground. Although the knight's hand had left a dark red imprint around Harold's neck that seemed to stick around.

The goddess knelt down in front of Harold. The principal looked shocked as he tenderly rubbed the red marks around his neck. A few stray coughs still caught him off guard before he looked up at the woman.

"Whoa, watch it with the light," Harold complained as he immediately turned away from her. He covered his eyes with his hand and let out a wince.

"As for you young man," Harold scowled. "That is completely unacceptable behavior. I'm going to have to...have to..."

Harold started to stammer as the knight bent over to stare into his eyes. The giant golden man had unbridled fury burning in his eyes as he stared right into Harold's eyes. For his part, Harold had a look of shock mixed with fear.

"I suppose...different cultures have different values, so I can't be too harsh on you," Harold gulped. "Well, as long as you join the football team that is. With a grip like that, you'd be a perfect running back, ooh, and maybe a linebacker too. We could use you on offense and defense."

Greed shined in Harold's eyes as he stood up. He seemed to be completely ignoring the goddess. "How're your legs sport? Might even be able to use you as a kicker. I mean, they seem long enough. Definitely have to pack a punch, don't they sport?" Harold gushed.

The knight growled as he clenched his fist. He took a step towards Harold, but the goddess wagged a finger at him. He saw her hand motion and dropped his jaw in surprise. But it was quickly replaced with frustration as he stepped back away from the principal he obviously wanted to pummel into the ground.

"Maybe you should address your questions to me," the goddess cooed. "I'm more than willing to talk to you, though I don't even know your name."

Harold frowned as he turned towards her. Again, her shining face nearly blinded him, and he had to bring up his arm to protect his eyes. "I don't think...Hey! I thought I told you to watch it with that light. You're going to make someone go blind if you keep this up."

"I'm afraid I must apologize, but this is simply how I look." she replied. "I'm sorry my form displeases you, Mr...?"

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"Harumph," Harold scoffed as he shook his head. "Proper etiquette would be to introduce yourself first before asking someone else's name. But, since you're so insistent, my name is Harold Wormer. I'm the principal of this fine institution." He shut his eyes and tried to straighten up his jacket as he stood up tall.

"Apologies Mr. Wormer. I'm afraid I don't have a name. Well, not in the traditional sense at least. I am merely a lowly goddess." she explained.

"There's nothing lowly about you," the knight argued.

She smiled warmly, but Harold looked irritated. "You expect me to believe that? Goddess? Really?"

"Show some respect!" The knight barked. "Or was your lesson earlier not sufficient?"

"Calm yourself my knight," The goddess reminded him. "I'm sorry if this is confusing to you, but I am what I am. I can't just say I'm something I'm not, can I?"

Harold opened his mouth, but then caught himself as he seemed to get an idea. "He...he's your son?" He asked.

The goddess giggled. "Son? Oh my no, I did not birth him myself. But I have taken care of him since he was just a baby."

"Ah, adopted. I see." Harold replied.

This just made the goddess giggle even more.

"Well then, perhaps you could help me." Harold suggested.

"Oh?" she replied.

The knight rolled his eyes.

"Yes, you see, I want what's best for your...ward. Our school is one of the most prestigious institutions in this country." Harold explained. "I'm sure you understand just how important it is for children to have extracurricular activities. Why, most colleges wouldn't look at an applicant twice if all they do is schoolwork."

"Is that so?" She said, as she humored Harold.

"Oh yes, it's quite the problem for the caring guardian." Harold said with a firm nod all as he kept his eyes closed so he could stand up as tall as he could manage. "But I have the perfect solution."

"I'm sure that you do," she nodded.

"Our school has one of the greatest football teams in the state. Why, with your son, we could probably be the best team in the entire country, nay the world!" he boasted.

"My, how humble," The knight scoffed.

"All I need," Harold continued as he ignored the knight's misgivings, "is for you to convince him that it's in his best interest. Why, it should be easy for such a protective and loving guardian such as yourself."

"An intriguing offer," she agreed. "And one I think I can agree to."

"What?" snarled the knight in a mix of anger and surprise.

"Ah, excellent, excellent," Harold grinned as he rubbed his hands together like a greedy weasel.

"On one condition." she interjected.

Harold frowned. "Condition? What condition?"

"All I want is to know how you got here, and why." She asked in a surprisingly serious tone. "How exactly did you come to be in this sacred place Harold Wormer? What bargain did you strike to arrive here, and for what purpose?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about?" Harold replied as he tried to open his eyes again.

But she was still too bright. However, Harold was stubborn. He pulled off his glasses, and he still couldn't look at her face directly, but without the glass magnifying her light, he could look down at her neck as he spoke.

"I was simply trying to find my office, when what I assume was a prank by some mischievous students," Harold paused a moment, and then reassured her, "Of course those sorts are rare at our school, but they are a nuisance that every facility has to deal with, rather regrettably I must add."

"Anyway," he said as he cleared his throat. "I simply found myself here. After I assume some mischievous youths drugged me and dragged me here."

"Although," Harold mused as he looked up towards the sky and stroked his chin, "The last time this happened, I awoke on an inflatable mattress in the middle of a lake. Compared to that, this is much more tame."

"Liar," The knight accused. "Tell me what your plans are! Are you a spy? A minion of the evil man who is now seeking revenge for your dead master?"

"ENOUGH!" The goddess's voice boomed out over them and even shook the ground around them.

The two of them quieted down, and as they did, the goddess raised a hand up to her chest and sighed. "Forgive me Mr. Wormer. But it seems you cannot answer my questions. So, I cannot guarantee that you will get your football player."

"What? But but but...." Harold stammered. "I answered everything you wanted! You don't understand, I need...I mean, the school needs him!"

"I see you are adamant about this. Very well, then lower your defenses, and allow me to enter." she said as she slowly walked towards him with her hand outstretched.

"I uh...what are you talking about?" Harold gulped.

"Hold him still," she commanded.

The knight stepped up behind Harold and hooked his arms under the principal's and then lifted him up into the air.

"What do you think you're doing!" Harold complained as he struggled.

But, against the powerful knight he may as well have been a sheet of paper. The goddess walked up to him and touched a finger against his forehead. As she made contact, his eyes glowed with a bright light, as if they were flashlights.

"Show me your secrets," She commanded threateningly. "Show me who dares invade my lands."