I wake up with stank face and dear gods, why in my mouth. Did I plant shiver thorn? Prolly. Was trying to cut down on down time before I figured out why I was always out. Blech.

So... I can multi task or set shit up without making advisors... Some reflex background brain, intrusive thought, group vote bullshit where I'm the only person not in the group chat.

What was I doing? I remember having a list of chores and fucking Woodcock cleaned me out. I remember! I started random ass kitchen shit, but then I got tired, and now I'm up so what'd I eat? I go to my logs, filter by consumables, remember just 'cause I eat don't mean it counts as food, and filter by consumed. And I don't recognize any of this shit.

Tattered outer robe? Broken cup? What the fuck? Is this garbage the temp refugees left behind? Where? Did they bury this or did someone find my anchor and use it as a dumping ground? Motherfuckers.

I leave my void to screech at someone to get off my lake lawn and there's no one around. And no garbage dump. And no reeds. Someone came by and harvested my scenery? There was no sign that anyone else was here, how the fuck did they track me down and troll me by de-beautifying the landscape? I spin a full circle, noping quietly, and catch a hint of movement from the other side of the lake.

-Gotcha, bitch!- I mumble, galloping my way around instead of flying over or swimming. -Gonna kick some ass then groom. 'Cause I can't groom unless all the ass is kicked or the ass will fuck up my groom.-

I have no idea why I'm rationalizing to myself other than it's taking me forever to get to this person casually harvesting the gods blessed reeds. They're not skulking or anything, they're legit just doing this like it's their job. They've even got a little basket and some mats to collect and carry the shit in.

I finally trot up to them as they're hefting a mat filled with reeds. It's a little girl with greasy black hair reaching to her shoulder blades, a short sleeved, short dark pink outer robe with little light pink flowers on it, no shoes, and she's filthy. Like this isn't fresh mud filth. She dusty. Got a whole ass lake and she's like bath? Nah. Although to be fair the water isn't very clear.

-*What do you even need those for?*- Wow, way to go me.

No hello, hi, how are you? No. Straight to the why are you fucking up the scenery. Kid's pale and thin in tattered clothes, doesn't bathe, how dare you ruin my view! I feel like a shit and think about offering her some food before remembering that I'm still restocking shit, remember I have bread, then wonder if she'll just throw it away because it isn't rice.

She does the most heartbreaking little look around, before turning around, seeing me, and then straight up just processing trying to figure out what I am. Like there's no fear. She's seen all this shit before. Now she's trying to figure out if I'm food or not, 'cause if I'm a threat it won't be her problem for long. Fack.

Oh, ew. She stumbles over, shifting the mat of reeds to one arm, squats a little, and pats me on the head. And, while I've smelled worse, I know her hands are grimy and slimy and all of that is now on my fur. If I could use Coal's spa treatment I would one hundred percent be spamming it right now. I know I've waddled through corpse rat juice, but I didn't have this much silk and the scales clean easy. I don't know if my silk is low-key barbed or not, but stuff is sticking, and stuff also includes smells. And liquids.

I take a second to process that I've gone from crawling into bodies to afraid someone's going to stain my white silky designer coat. Fuck me, what happened? Is it from eating so much hair model god? Was it the luxury spa treatments? Like I try to eat everything at least once and I'm about to ask if the kid is treated with steroids and antibiotics.

No, me. No eating the baby.

The kid doesn't say a word, just hefts their bundle and trundles off. So I follow her to find out why she's in such a poor state. I might not have prepped food, but I'm not gonna just give her raw veg she has no way to process. Kill her with kindness? Can make us some soup or soggy bread.

I'm expecting this kid to lead me to some dirty mat in the middle of the woods with a slightly hollow bowl as the only cooking utensil. But we wander into a full ass village of stick and reed huts. Takes me a while to recognize they've got some bamboo, not just wood and bank reeds, but this place looks like someone was hardcore camping. And then never got good. What is happening?

There's an old... person... with a full ass head of luxurious white hair, face a shrink-wrapped skull with tiny eyes that have me wondering if maybe Frozen Coffin's shit was genetic, and their knuckles are nearly as big as their throat, but they're just picking little nubs off of some giant grass stalk. And everyone moves so slow. I'm not sure if they're just laid back and living the life or if they don't have the energy or muscle mass to actually put pep in their step, but everyone's so relaxed feeling. They're quiet when they talk but they don't hold back on the laughter, no one's coughing or moaning in pain, there are people lounging on mats, but they don't look injured, and I'm not sure if they're just simple or dying and okay with it.

I realize I lost the kid I was following, recoil as I mentally go over all the reasons I'm going to be on a list somewhere, even if none of those reasons were why I was following the kid, because I was following a kid, and then wander towards someone squatting while using a tattered fan on the world's smallest flame. How the fuck has that not gone out already? Is fanning it helping it or the reason it's so small? What are they doing?

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

I wonder over to see what the fuck and there's literally chunks, slices, and pieces of herbs and roots on a leaf and they're fanning the heat towards it. Are they cooking or is this some kind of ritual...? Seriously, someone tell me what the fuck is happening. Is this a hell? Am I gonna turn around and there's a bunch of starving village people about to jump me because they think I'm meaty when I'm just really flooffy? There's still probably more in me than is on this leaf mat, so they'll probably still come up. If I weren't toxic as fuck.

Am I still toxic? I do a quick spin, strafing as I walk even though I still have Ultravision, because I don't know if I'm about to be sniped from offscreen, and try to find something familiar, or at least something that makes a little more sense. Wandering through the huts wondering why they're raised off the ground, and then wondering why if they can build raised houses they don't have more shit, I catch sight of something yellow through the stilts. I pause and do another spin. Everyone's wearing dark brown or off-white. But I saw a girl in pink and now I'm about to stalk someone in yellow.

There's a whole group of men and women in colorful clothing as I actually make my way over. Little miss solar death beam is the furthest from the group, dropping an armful of long, dark, thin sticks onto a mat of near identical dark, long, thin sticks. I keep destroying any legal defense I might be able to come up with by watching her as she treks back to the center of this little circle of huts to the girl in pink, a boy in a red kimono with red birds, an older boy in dark blue with light blue birds, and an older girl in bright orange with darker orange flowers. And watching over them as they rate, trim, and cook? reeds -- there's a large wok on the other side of the clearing that they lift the thick wooden lid off of to toss in pieces they cut off or whole ass, bright green reed stalks -- is someone wearing a black outer robe like a coat with a pristine white long robes underneath. This person has the head of a thin old person, but the shape of the robes makes them look big, and blocky. Like some athlete traded for some elders head.

I don't know that they're a head swapping monster, but I don't like the overall aesthetic of the poor, quiet village, a group of brightly dressed youngsters, -- 'cause there are other kids but they're dressed plainly if at all. Why these people have their babies running around with shirts and vests and no pants? -- and then there's this mis-matched sombiscuit just smiling down at them while hovering.

I park my happy ass near the girl in pink and watch, feeling absolutely justified, when the kids just keep working sorting reeds like there's not a giant fluffy poof ball. Even little miss in the pink robes is so focused she doesn't notice me.

Then it occurs to me that I've been running around after burying myself in gods know what. I slept, woke up, traipsed through the woods, and not once did I groom. Maybe I'm not as floofy as I think I am. I get to work remedying this and keeping an eye on the potentially focused corpse as it keeps tabs on me but still doesn't move or say anything.

I know why I'm not surprised, but I don't know why it still happens, but I totally stopped focusing on my surroundings at one point. I finish my groom, silk flooffed, wings refracting all the colors around the clearing, my antenna, not fluffy but feathery and luxurious nonetheless, completely confused about why Head Swapper is standing next to me. Just standing next to me and watching the kids like we're in this together.

While I'm wondering if he already stole something from me, and lamenting my sudden abundance of smooth criminals, they casually reach out to me, their hand glowing, and now I'm sitting on a fluffy cushion somewhere else. A quick neck swivel, head looking up around and back down again, and I'm in an upgraded version of the house I was trying to make. Black lacquered wood, white panels, dark brown floors and ceilings, simple ink drawing screens, no windows, but inside water pools set up to embody the beauty of the lake I'd just left.

-Is this a mind prison?- The place is so elegant. Which one of my brains thought this shit up? -No, good point. It's too nice to be something I think of. Unless the pools are Qi and not water.-

I'm totally going to make some edible decorations so I can art and food at the same time. Eat the real plants in the real mini pond art installation. Maybe mini lawns of herbal grasses... I get up and climb off the pillow, doing a quick spin and only getting halfway before noticing the group of people on a raised floor having tea. How the fuck long were they there?

Don't think I imagined any of these people... I yelp as I'm picked up, buzzing in distress as Head Swap gently sets me back on the cushion with a little push on my back as a kinda "stay". I'm tempted to immediately bolt until I realize I can't understand a single word the people at the table are saying.

Come again? Like. They're speaking another language or this is a fever dream. I 'member waking up thinking I was a grub was a dream and here I am, so it's pretty clear that I have no idea how to wake up. Am I dreaming I'm a butterfly dreaming I'm a man dreaming I'm a butterfly about to be butchered and eaten at a fancy tea party?

-What are you?!- I scream dramatically, pretty sure all they hear is a high pitched buzzing shriek.

The first person I'd noticed, some pretty plain lady looking like she's pretending to be fancy with a large cloth handkerchief on a frame standing on the top of her hair with thin braids falling out of it, smiles indulgently and I wonder who pale in all black goth lady thinks she's putting up with. I go blank faced as this bish picks me up and carries me over to the table, setting me kinda on her lap. Imma eat their shit.

I go to hop on the table and she pulls me back, easily, and then grabs a hairpick before going through my silk. Like, for real? Is she grooming me right now? I narrow my eyes at her as some grumpy black and white top-knot robed goth rapid fires something whiny before shoving what looks like a folding fan rolled into a ball at me. Goth Lady smiles again, thin but in the we're rich so we eat small portions of stuff way, gently scooping up the fan ball and offering it to me. Like a snack.

I side eye her, absolutely trying to figure out who the hell she is that she thinks I can do anything with it and wondering if I'm supposed to remember her in a she used to change my diapers kind of way. Was this the chick they dumped me on? The one with the murder sausage. I take the fan ball, eat it quickly, then look at her to see wat da fuq?

Devour

Who dat? I check my notifications to see that I've eaten over 200. I don't know 200 of what, it doesn't say, but I think it's a Smorgas-Board cheese. So I got an achievement for summin' and I guess I'm supposed to go to my logs now, but I think I just heard someone say Kissy. So either I know them or I don't. Or I'm just mishearing things.