The eyeball continues to glare lightly. This is bullshit. This is an OP life I lead? Explain! I need to know how this shit works!
-*The fact that you've survived --. No. Prospered. With no overt signs of what you are or are capable of. ... Part of you knows.*- A floating eyeball glaring and spewing cryptic bullshit at me without actually giving me any information. -*How about this... There are people who have been groomed... Knowledgeable people. Capable people. People who fell before you with barely a whimper. People who should have barely noticed you in their path. They didn't even give you indigestion.
-*Now imagine those same cultivator's, masters and geniuses, surviving the nonsense you went through. That's what makes you OP...*-
-Yeah, but I don't do it on purpose!- Rebuttal! Whining Rebuttal! -I have to eat ,and sleep, and do! But I can't do all of those, and there's a super secret order or I almost die! Joy!-
-*Almost,*- the emperor says. Then poofs.
-Ugh!- I flick my antenna in annoyance and try to remember what all I unlocked.
There's multiple boards to do stuff, but I fucked up on the Void one. The smorgasbord board. I went with energy hoping it'd auto-complete. But~ it didn't. So what makes it auto complete? I feel my own brain cringe away from me and realize the ones that auto completed just wanted me to have items. But they said "collect", too! Fuck you, brain! Explain that! I snicker at myself then get sad when I realize that I really haven't finished communicating and making my body my own. Battle pet... Why not just capable me?
So... Qi... Focus on the feeling and flow not on the me that I can see? Will that fuck up my diffuse Qi infusion? Pffft. Like I've never just jumped in and checked to see what would happen. So... Food. Check? Rested? Not really, but focused. Ready to go? I clean up the kitchen, eating the soot and ash, filtering the leftover energy, then groom so I don't get this shiz in my bed.
Trundle to the bed where I make myself comfy and try to cycle. I can feel the energy pulsing through me until I can actually trace the paths from inside flow up the edges of my wings, out through my scales, then in from the front and back via every speck of brilliant color I've got on my body. 'Cause they're not just colors. I've got nuggets of essences and energies embedded throughout my body, separate and connected, all working to provide a shield. And feeding points? What? Only reason I haven't been dunked on is because I don't have a swarm running around. I'm acting as my own little army. So much power. How'd I do that?
Common sense? Hmm? I can make trapdoors, and I need safe places to hid. Trapdoor spiders are a thing. I know that. So I did it. I've got silk. People have whips, ropes, chains. I know this. I have the ability to eat what I want, when I want, and gain power not pounds. I should be celebrating this! The forge burns hot and it needs fuel. I keep forgetting to fuel it. I see power, I need power, I get power and make it my own. I just don't use it efficiently.
[Qi Condensing II Successful]
[Successful Use: 2,401/100]
[Con. Qi +2]
[Qi -18]
[Karma 100]
[Current Condensed Qi: 1848206/23957480]
[Current Qi: 637,532/5,850,300]
[Current Karma: 95,829,923/107,275,977]
[Mortal Wallet: 10E,21K,178P,54R,179Da,155De,105k]
[Spirit Wallet: 0Dr,0Ph,0Th,1199Di,126Co,526St]
Qi Condensing II 2,401/100
Spirit Essence Forging Unlocked
Achievement +50
Wait, 'cause Broadband Chicken was super clear that it's spiritual not spirit --. Unless you're dealing with spirits. Holy shit I'm a spirit beast! Fuck you, Chicken! I was right! ... Fack! How many of these rounds do I have to go through before I can actually go anywhere not energy deficient?
-*You were fine after the first Qi thing. Or should have been,*- the emperor grumbles.
Freaking' Phoenix my ass! Someone put a bell on this bastard!
-*Oh, please. You're so used to my energy, I'm just here. I've invested so much shiz into you, you're like an idle thought at the back of my head now. And you're strong enough to survive that. But you probably don't understand that.*-
For some odd reason thinking about the emperor is making me hungry. No. Not odd. He's strong. I'd get a lot from eating him. But we're bros. But cultivation don't care. Not mine, anyway.
-I'm going to do my best to not try to eat you when we meet up,- I say out loud as a reminder to myself and an oath to him.
Unless he dies or sheds his body. Then all bets are off.
-*You... Are getting there. That's all I'm going to say. I'm not trying to shit on you, but you're slowly figuring out the basics. You're getting there.*-
He just politely "good for you"-ed me. And meant it. I groan and thrash dramatically, idly noting that if I can mess with people who have some of my energy in them it's not wonder he's got so much free access. I've got tons of will from our interactions. Wow. I did a lot before getting to the tutorials.
-*You really are figuring it out. And it looks like the you that tries to get the most done while doing the least, and actually cares that the job is done right, is coming back.*- But does that make me a threat or a better worker? -*You say this like they're mutually exclusive.*-
-Dude, is all the crazy shit happening because you're too strong, and you won't leave? Are you the final big bad?- Not trying to do spoilers, but don't do this to me, man... Don't be my friend, mentor, caretaker, then drop that on me.
-*I'm not gonna lie to you. But I'm not strong enough to leave and not get absolutely bullied by the ones waiting on the other side.*-
Don't like the sound of that.
-Are you going to get me to fix things before you eat, then--. What is it? The medicine pill thing people keep saying ominously. Refine me to further your cultivation? You gonna fatten me up then eat me, bro?-
-*Kinda hoping by the time you get here you can make some bullshit that boosts me enough to defend myself.*-
That's not a no... But it's not a yes. Fack.
-*Oh, please. You already knew all of this. And acted on it. You just hid it from yourself, somehow. You really are insane, you know that?*-
Sad joy! Bug me isn't a bug. I'm bug me. The other me was the hunan gibbering and trying to sneak all the side quests so I didn't get destroyed when I finally stepped up. Fack, that makes so much more sense. Like, I don't hate reading. If reading needs to be done, I'll do it.
And I'm a lot pickier than I have been. Casually eating shit just to see if I can? Sometimes literal waste? Casually eating things I have no business going near to gain more essence? Tch. No wonder people think I'm fucking with them. Here is --. How old am I now? Here is a ten to twelve year old. They represent me. Talk to them and let me build weapons of mass destruction, and god tier armor in peace! I'd kick my ass if I wasn't so grateful.
-You do know Broadband is still an asshole, right?- There's thunder, but no shaking. I'm getting there... -Wait. Do you know why my brood skill doesn't work?-
-*You say that like your other skills are being used as intended. Fucking, asshole...*- the emperor grouses in good-humor, just vibing in my void.
So that's my clue? I opt to start another pot of stew, hoping to get a good store of cooked foods ready in case I get shattered again. Still got plenty of fish, should set up a fish farm again. Plenty of tubers, definitely need to get more. Big meals to break big seals. I'm a calamity. Gotta keep my energy up. I need to dry and grind more tubers and get more flour, but I also need to work on getting my spirit essence bullshit going. I'm gonna be all growed up! If I wasn't this bloated monstrosity in the background I'd have gotten to this level in six months! Furnace my ass. I've got a nuclear reactor. Ha! It's gone critical so many times. I cackle, happy and sad.
All it took was cycling properly. Legit just Qi cycling to unlock my ass. Fack me. I'd almost done everything but. I'm not to soul flame levels, but that's because I haven't started on spirit essence yet. Wonder what kinda flame I'll burn. Wait. I've done soul flame.
-Oh, my fucking you!- I turn to the emperor's proxy. Horrified and amused. -When the brood tried to teach me to cycle Qi I accidentally a soul flame. And they tried to eat that shit. Holy balls!-
-*Do you have any idea how confusing that was to try to piece together?*- He's mad, but he's not blaming me. I feel the roiling flame, the giant eye that I mistake for a red sun, but it's not focused on me. -*Silkworm that's too stupid not to eat itself making self-sufficient minis accidentally-ing a soul flame without having cycled Qi? We thought that someone had managed to feed nonsense into scrying artifacts and were so blatant about their success they were spitting in our faces.*-
The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
-Nah, just me,- I grin, not feeling it, but finally knowing how ridiculous I am.
Was. No. I'm still figuring it out. I've got to get the different parts of me working together.
-Now I've got to figure out how to sprint without going anywhere.- Banking Devourer bullshit. Need fuel for my reactor!
-*You. Are. So. Broken!*- the emperor shouts, poofing again. Really? -*Good luck!*-
Like, the ash is useful. It's layered with leftover broken will and something I haven't figured out yet, released and diffused so it's not just his shiz anymore, but it's still a mess I have to clean up! Fack!
I know it's not him, that my real worry is the calamity I'm about to calamity all over. I need fuel? There's someone or something waiting outside ready to force feed me. And I've got a big appetite. But it's still going to hurt. Fack.
The city is fucked. If that thing's just sitting out there blasting shit while patiently waiting on me, the city is just getting pre-fucked. The real Fuckening will happen when I try to figure out how to stop said fucking. Carrots, onions, fish, with extra water. I'm gonna be gone awhile and I don't want it to burn. Soup's on so I better come back soon. I give a small smile, give a farewell spin, and take a deep breath.
Noise and light. There's still pressure, but the shocks don't send cracks along my reinforced, but still supple, body. My wings shiver, but don't flake. There's still pressure, but it's not breaking me. Deep breaths as I look about and see that the buildings aren't leveled, and the noise isn't just noise. If tuba's blasted trumpet pitches at tuba volume in the background. And someone had that as a voice box. Tubas. Plural. High layered, double pitched tubas at fuck you volumes as a voice.
-Do not be alarmed. I'm here to save you. There is a disgusting beast, a corruption, in the area. Reveal its presence to me and you shall be rewarded.-
I move from the blasted, but not collapsed, structure that has been patched and shorn to all hells and back, winding my way through side alleys and more abandoned structures until I can see a hint of a golden warrior towering above the city. Fack I'm short. I know I have aura suppression skills, but I haven't refreshed them, but I don't know if they need to be refreshed or if part of me handled it already. Either way, whoever this is knows that I'm supposed to be here but has no idea where. Okay. But who dis?
An unfocused tribulation? Thought this was some automated system thing that tracked down the user I.D. of my aura and then tries to hit me with the banhammer. Whatever this thing is is reading more like a plucky intern or a super nice nooby hoping to level up out of fetch quests so they can be like their heroes. Start from the bottom, but there is no top, but we're gonna keep hope alive, energy.
I finally find a building with a decent angle where I can climb to the roof via a stairwell, and still see the giant in the distance without the view being blocked by another building. I listen as they continue to plead for patience and understanding, working out their superhero persona at my expense, trying to denounce me without even knowing my crimes by the sound of it. It'd be offensive if it wasn't so sad.
This is why you don't try hard for any dead end job. Exactly this. They're trying their best, going above and beyond, making a fool out of themselves trying to project the "company's" ideals, and they probably won't actually get anything of meaning out of it if they do pull it off. It's just their job. If they fail, there's gonna be a punishment. If they succeed, here's more work. Or maybe I'm projecting.
-*'Sup!*- I call out flaring my wings to help them pinpoint my location.
[Mesmerize Successful]
[Successful Use: 2/100]
[Qi -10]
[Karma 100]
[Current Condensed Qi: 1,848,206/23,957,505]
[Current Qi: 637,522/5,850,300]
[Current Karma: 95,830,023/107,275,977]
[Mortal Wallet: 10E,26K,228P,154R,179Da,155De,105k]
[Spirit Wallet: 0Dr,0Ph,0Th,1199Di,126Co,10526St]
The effect is way too dramatic. Me talking to them had them shrieking and smacking at their helmet like I'd tried to fly into their ear. Surely they know about sends? The flash of my wings doesn't help. I've just freaked them out, embarrassed them, then given them a target. Not what I was going for.
-*Parlay?*-
They shriek, the mouth guard of the helmet dropping opening to reveal a giant glowing, green-irised eye that manages to look feminine. Eyelashes instead of teeth, eyelids instead of lips, the pupil isn't a pupil, it's a tunnel to a starless void, sterile and lifeless. What's with eyes in this place?
I yelp as the heavily armored eyeball knight launches themselves in my direction, so focused on ruining my day they actually ignore the buildings they're destroying. So much for no reason to be afraid. What's their problem?
-Digusting!- it, they, she?, shrieks, arm reaching up and back so far I worry their arm's gonna start windmilling.
An axe with a long haft appears in the raised hand, -- A polearm. Halberd? Are they one-handing a polearm? -- and they swing down at me, the air around their weapon arm turning red. That rage? Bloodlust?
The figure is broad chested, narrow hipped, with an even slimmer waist, and long legs. Humanoid, if they hadn't done their nasty eye shriek I'd assume they were just a giant knight. Their armor looks more pearl than white, the edges trimmed with gold, every plate looking like a wide chevron stretched across the width of whatever body part they're shielding. Mecha lady eyeball swings, and I know they don't want to split me or chop me, they want to erase me from existence.
[Barrier Successful]
[Successful Use: 5/100]
[Qi -10]
[Karma -5]
[Launch Successful]
[Successful Use: 6/100]
[Con. Qi -2]
[Qi -2]
[Karma +5]
[Current Condensed Qi: 1,848,204/23,957,503]
[Current Qi: 637,510/5,850,300]
[Current Karma: 95,830,013/107,275,977]
[Mortal Wallet: 10E,26K,228P,154R,179Da,155De,105k]
[Spirit Wallet: 0Dr,0Ph,0Th,1199Di,126Co,10526St]
I get bounced up, launching myself backwards as I wimble bubble, but not far enough. Luckily for me they launch me even farther. Thus I begin my life as a ping-pong ball.
Judgement
1/7 ☑ Demon ❌ Man-Eater ❌ Thief ❌ Glutton ❌ Insect ❌ Slothful
I'm sorry, what? Can you give me a little more contrast so I can see what you're accusing me of? Notifications?
🦋 Judgement
1/7
☑ Demon
❌Man-Eater
❌Thief
❌Glutton
❌Insect
❌Slothful
See? Isn't that--. My flight is interrupted by a backhand, my barrier shattering.
Judgement
1/7 ☑ Demon ☑ Man-Eater ❌ Thief ❌ Glutton ❌ Insect ❌ Slothful
I brake by opening my wings. Notifications.
🦋 Judgement
2/7
☑Demon
☑Man-Eater
❌Thief
❌Glutton
❌Insect
❌Slothful
[Mesmerize Successful]
[Successful Use: 5/100]
[Qi -10]
[Karma 100]
[Greater Personal Transfer Successful]
[Successful Use: 2/100]
[Con. Qi -500]
[Qi -500]
[Karma 1,000]
[Current Condensed Qi: 1,847,704/23,957,778]
[Current Qi: 637,000/5,850,300]
[Current Karma: 95,831,113/107,275,977]
[Mortal Wallet: 10E,26K,228P,154R,179Da,155De,105k]
[Spirit Wallet: 0Dr,0Ph,0Th,1199Di,126Co,10526St]
I don't want to try to keep up with that speed. I know I only have a few more hits to take but I'm kinda done. This isn't the first person more than willing to kick my ass. I wonder what'll happen to their soul when I try to filet it.
[Piercing Shot Successful]
[Successful Use: 5/100]
[Qi -30]
[Karma -5]
[Greater Personal Transfer Successful]
[Successful Use: 2/100]
[Con. Qi -500]
[Qi -500]
[Karma 1,000]
[Current Condensed Qi: 1,847,204/23,958,027]
[Current Qi: 636,470/5,850,300]
[Current Karma: 95,832,108/107,275,977]
[Mortal Wallet: 10E,26K,228P,154R,179Da,155De,105k]
[Spirit Wallet: 0Dr,0Ph,0Th,1199Di,126Co,10526St]
I piercing shot their plating where normal eyes would be, shifting and waiting to see how they'll respond. And the visor pops off, why? They scream, the blast pulling a throwback to when I was shittier, the pressure crushing in on me and shaking a rainbow cascade of scales from my wings. It worked, question mark?