Oh, shit! I'm back in the hair chamber, but the crystal isn't glowing. I lunge, grabbing and banking it, then flee. I didn't eat the chest! I just touched it! I think. Maybe. I dunno!
I'm not gonna check while I'm slowly being buried under tons of heavenly saint imbued hair. The wig is going to kill me! I try to bank as quickly as I can, but apparently I'm only eating plaits of hair, not even entire twists or braids. There's so many and I'm getting dizzy...
[Barrier Successful]
[Successful Use: 19/100]
[Qi -10]
[Karma -5]
[Current Condensed Qi: 1,843,129/24,207,045]
[Current Qi: 794,556/5,850,300]
[Current Karma: 96,828,183/107,275,977]
[Mortal Wallet: 10E,26K,228P,154R,179Da,155De,105k]
[Spirit Wallet: 0Dr,0Ph,0Th,1199Di,126Co,10526St]
-Oof!-
I can't actually feel the weight of the hair, and my bubble doesn't break, but it's the principle of the matter! Notifications!
I wake up to a notification screen.
🦋 Soul Forging Successful
Successful Uses 236
Con. Qi -10
Qi -1000
Karma - 2000
Will + 10
🦋 Soul Forging Successful
Successful Uses 237
Con. Qi -10
Qi -1000
Karma - 2000
Will + 10
🦋 Soul Forging Successful
Successful Uses 238
Con. Qi -10
Qi -1000
Karma - 2000
Will + 10
🦋 Soul Forging Successful
Successful Uses 239
Con. Qi -10
Qi -1000
Karma - 2000
Will + 10
🦋 Soul Forging Successful
Successful Uses 240
Con. Qi -10
Qi -1000
Karma - 2000
Will + 10
Ack, bitch, what? Why am I converting shit into Will? I open my log and try to do a search to see if I've advanced my cultivation level. Nope. Still processing --. That's a lot of Qi.
I'd fallen asleep and tried to sleep cycle soul flame with a high will. I get ten-thousand Qi for every plait I process. 'Cause I didn't process whole braids. So instead of sleep cycling I've apparently advanced my Qi cultivation enough to attempt to condense my condensed Qi into soul flame. But I'm still in the squish phase. And there's a lot to squish. And I'm out in the open so I guess I banked while I forged, question mark?
[Aura of Suppression Successful]
[Successful Use: 14/100]
[Con. Qi -100]
[Karma -1000]
[Current Condensed Qi: 1,841,629/24,089,295]
[Current Qi: 654,557/5,850,300]
[Current Karma: 96,357,183/107,275,977]
[Max Will: 9,592,821]
[Mortal Wallet: 10E,26K,228P,154R,179Da,155De,105k]
[Spirit Wallet: 0Dr,0Ph,0Th,1199Di,126Co,10526St]
[Name: Kisandera “Kissy Kissy” or “Sandy”] [Affiliation(s): +Thousand Valleys, +Seven Moons, +Companion of the Sacred Phoenix Sovereign, +Inner Void Productions, +Wimble Sunrise, -Scarlet Silk Society] [Race: Celestial Void Moth Queen[Shattered] (Saint)] 🦋 [Current Form: Chibi! ;)] [Current Realm: Shimmering(Tier 5)] [Current Karma: 96,357,183/107,275,977] [Master: Shimmering Steel] Will: 9,592,821 Rank: SS [Current Condensed Qi: 1,841,629/24,089,295] [Mortal Wallet: 10E,26K,228P,154R,179Da,155De,105k] Emperor: 7 Regent: 54 [Current Qi: 654,557/5,850,300] King: 27 Dalin: 179 Block: 531 [Spirit Wallet: 0Dr,0Ph,0Th,1199Di,126Co,10526St] Prince: 180 Denii: 155 Sq: 126 Reborn Count: 5 Kin: 105 Rnd: 1199
I think my status screen is in wimble colors... Can I customize that? No. It'd be annoying as shit if it changed based on what I ate, and, seeing how I've consumed the shiz out of gold, and pearl, I really don't want my screen to look like his notifications. At least he died pretty.
But other than that... Back up to SS Rank, baby! Let's go! Look away from my insignificant ass, and I'll get all up in yours! Turn your back on me? Do you dare? Whoo!
[Arcane Lightning Successful]
[Successful Use: 1/100]
[Con. Qi -50]
[Karma -75]
[Current Condensed Qi: 1,841,629/24,089,277]
[Current Qi: 654,507/5,850,300]
[Current Karma: 96,357,108/107,275,977]
[Max Will: 9,592,821]
[Mortal Wallet: 10E,26K,228P,154R,179Da,155De,105k]
[Spirit Wallet: 0Dr,0Ph,0Th,1199Di,126Co,10526St]
I shift into my bank, take a face full of color flecks, and Arcane lightning the emperor's proxy. ... I stare at him as he blinks, just the once, and then I look down at the mess on and around me.
-Did you just throw diced food at me like confetti?- I start grooming and cleaning up. So many small pieces!
-*That actually tingled.*- Concerning and infuriating.
-That's not an answer...- I sigh, keep grooming, and he just snorts at me.
-*Congrats, and yes.*- Tch! No shame! -*What shame should I feel? I've been making you food and prepared something fun to celebrate. Something you're supposed to eat. You're welcome!*-
-Fair, and thanks,- I sigh.
I stop putting off looking around, and see that I'm in the kitchen, which is intact, and filled with all kinds of food sculptures. I examine and bank them, the emperor speaking up when I get to one that looks like a child sleeping with nothing but a bib on, so I skip it and keep stashing the rest. When I get back to the nakey baby he makes encouraging noises until I actually try to eat it.
It's not fruit. Or not just fruit. It's literally fish and fruit and tuber pastes, blended to different colors and consistencies, and then sculpted. He made me a baby out of baby food.
-*For your not teeth in case they got knocked out.*-
Cheeky bastard! I laugh, buzzing in amusement. Not gonna lie, I do feel much better. It's weird that I had a big boss fight, won, and then kept waiting to get my ass handed to me. I was almost crushed by its collapsing body! Didn't even know I had this much stuff in storage...
-*I can't hear you. I'm not the biggest one inside you now,*- he chimes up.
-Jealous?- What's with that phrasing?
He gives a quick little laugh, calming down way too fast considering how much nonsense he just spewed, and I know that the other shoe is still descending. But I won the fight, right?
-What aren't you telling me --,- I start and he snarkily stares blankly at me before I can finish. -About the tribulation I just finished, jackass. You didn't let me finish!-
This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.
-*You got a very minor minion. Probably someone on probation or who fucked up so badly they were sent here as a punishment. Or they could have just been so weak they were sent back down to Get Gud.*- 'Cause you can't just be happy for me. -*Most people who stray from an approved cultivation reach a tribulation before they learn to condense Qi.
-*You somehow backwards-ed the Qi thing, kinda almost got to soulfire, and just got your baby tribulation. So, yes. You won this one. This is the easiest one you'll get.*-
-And I didn't even do it right, right?- I know what's bothering him. -I had a problem... And I ate it.-
-*Fucking bullshit!*- he shouts before poofing. Got 'im!
-People saying I can't eat my problems? Explain how I eat my problems, then!- I crow, eating my puree baby. -This is concerningly tastey...- I wonder if the food tastes so good because he's skilled at cooking... -Tch! I still haven't learned crafting!-
The kitchen isn't a mess, but there are bits of scraps and debris here and there. He's awesome in the kitchen. Ugh, not spouse material. Not gonna catch feelings for someone running around in a kid's body. Why am I thinking about this at all? I blame Coal boy.
I clean up, see my tiny void space, remember that I still need to condense Qi for the Void board, pull out a plait, and make a creepy hair pool by wrapping it around me, then nod off to the internal soundtrack of my Qi cycling. I dare anyone to say I didn't earn this nap. The post-battle passing out thing doesn't count.
I wake up, peckish, and note that there's no hair around me. A not so quick check of my logs shows that, yes, I did eat, but, no, I didn't eat the braids. I've been waking up and grabbing Food. Apparently there's a whole sorting filter for just acknowledged food items, not just things I can, and have, eaten. So. Bank, sort for food, nomnomnom, then back to work. Noice.
-*Thanks for the lunches, Mom!*- I send to the void, keeping the emperor in mind.
-*Oh, eat me--!*-
-*If you think it'll help.*- What do I know? -*Or is part of the reason you're doing the not-sun is so you can roid up before you head out?*-
My silk starts smoking under the intense regard. My soft body drying, hardening, cracking under the emperor's scrutiny. Don't like that.
-*Getting mad at me for eating things because you think eating things is a big secret. Please! And then having the stones to tell me that's not how it works!*- The magnifying glass sun laser pisses off, but now I have a rapidly healing sunburn.
I opt to tear off the dead pieces instead of repairing them, wondering if it's better to make new versus fixing old, when there's a heavy pressure and a deep sigh.
-*Because it doesn't.*- So he says. -*If I'm at max capacity I can't add to it. If I drain it lowers my max so I can't just binge to regain. Normal people have to work their way back up, and, depending on their luck, they might get better. But usually you never get as good as you were...*-
...
-*That's weird.*- I get scooted, not even a few feet, so i guess he's not mad. Just focusing on me for real did damage. -*So...*-
-*No, I'm not going to eat it. No, you can't eat it. I'm going to try to figure out a way to assimilate it.*-
-*So you are gonna eat it,*- I point out, and get physically shaken. Oh, cool, he doesn't blow me up anymore. -*Why can't you do the aura suppressing thingy?*-
-*Because I need to cover the empire with my aura to claim it as a Spirit Beast.*- he sounds frustrated.
Did I learn this? He sounds like I should have learned this. When'd I learn this? Wait.
-*You say "spirit beast" like it's different for hunans.*- All these different ways to do things, and I'm the one doing it wrong? Not for whatever I am! -*What happens if your not-sun turns into a person?*-
-*You do know you don't have to say these things out loud, right?*- I can almost smell the stink eye. -*It's always a possibility with any gathering of essence or will, but thinking about it can actually affect such things.*-
-*So is the reason you want me to head to the capital to find out how I me?*- Zombie Gramps not gonna be the only one you're gonna run tests on, huh?
-*If you were normal it would be helpful, but you're so far off the map anything we'd learn would be to address anything else like you.*-
Yeah, but am I safe or getting locked up as an example for future comparisons? Best not to say such things out loud. Wouldn't want to be magnifying glassed again. Or give him ideas... Probably mostly that last one... I check to see that I'm healed, tired, but still conscious! Definitely maybe mostly that last one...
-*You're not just trying to trick me when I'm being all kinds of helpful, are you?*- Fucking shut up, me!
-*Pffft! At this rate we might be able to leave together and team up.*- hearing a god-thing posing as a child cackling madly, with a dose of desperation, while disembodied is apparently very disheartening. As in my hearts are failing, ack!
-*Dude! Eyeball or something! That's horrifying!*-
-*Oh, please! Like you don't do the hidden sending thing all the time.*- Oh, shiz. He right.
-*You right, but I'm weird.*- Yes! Shame him out of scaring me! -*You joining the creepy kids club? We have glitter? Mostly my old wing scales, but they're shiny!*-
Bodiless gagging sounds ensue, and I'm confused why they affect me so much, all things taken into consideration. I shake, somehow making a clattering rattle despite the fact that I'm not covered with massive plates, and glare. That's the sound, the shudder that nearly got me squashed.
-*Why do my scales sound like that?*- I ask EmpEmp.
-*Dude, I don't have my proxy out. I'm not there.*- Who's fault is that?
-*And whose fault is that?*- 'Cause alone with my thoughts again. Aw, now I'm sad. -*Get back here so I'm not lonely. Stop making your proxy-less self my problem!*-
And now there's a floating eyeball. Good.
-*You've made so much progress I don't want you backtracking, but you might need to go back to Seven Moons and pick up your advisors,*- the emperor says, rolling his eye.
-*For eating?*- God knows they're not very good company.
-*Pretty sure they were supposed to help you do the stuff you're doing now,*- The eyeball tilts sideways in confusion.
-*Dude, they didn't teach me shit!*- All the old hurts! -*They've flat out almost killed me a few times trying to set up their own clan thing! I think they actually might have actually killed me a few times...*-
-*You --. How?!*- The emperor thrashes. -*They're drones! They can't even do non-simple tasks!*-
-*Heran, Adonia, and Maru?*- We talking about the same bishes?
-*The cultivators you found?*- Da fuq?
-*I didn't find them! They're my spew babies! They're void brood I made!*- Fucking, why does he think I found them? -*Wait, why did you say I "found" them?*-
-*... Gimme a minute...*- the eyelid-shield slowly closes, narrowing as magnifying glass intensifies before the proxy disappears.
-*Wait, what? For what?*- Give him a minute to do what? I yelp when the eye returns, glaring phoenix fury. -*Fucking ow! What?!*-
-*How the... No. I'm good.*- The temperature drops back to normal and he disappears again.
-*Wait! What happened? How do I fix them?!*-
-*"How do you fix them?" How'd you break them!*- he thunders, volume all the way up but nothing breaking. He's still going easy considering I'm re-stripping off the Me Crisps.
-*I just made them. The whatever let's me do things went, "here! Spew babies! What kind would you like? 'Bring me shit' or 'How I use this shit'?" I chose "How I use this shit", and got those assholes!*-
-*New question,*- he says, eyeball popping back into existence. -*Persephone?*-
-*The fourth one I made? Or what are you asking? 'Cause I made her, too. After drinking banishment wine with Granin.*-
-*You fucking idiot.*- The eyeball disappears. Then comes back. -*No, I'm sorry. That was rude.*- No eyeball. Eyeball. -*No, fuck that, fuck you!*- Eyeball off. Eyeball on. -*Banishment wine?*- Eyeball away. Eyeball. -*What's wrong with you?!*- Eyeball gone away. Eyeball, the return!
I don't know what it is about his mental break that has me opening and closing my wings in time to his rants. Eyeball here? Wings up! Eyeball gone? Wings down... So I'm slow flapping in time to his appearances, and finding it really hard to care about piecing his rant together.
When the eyeball returns I raise my wings. And it narrows at me. No heat. I raise my wings a little more, wondering why he's not ranting. I close my wings then raise them and he still isn't talking. I tilt my head trying to figure out how I broke this.
-*You don't even know what you did,*- he says, sounding like he's accusing me of something awful.
-*I drank when I was underage?*- Does that apply to spirit beasts?
The pupil constricts, dilates, then constricts to normal before the emperor crows with laughter, the eyeball falling to the ground. I watch as his proxy rolls and thrashes. What? The "wine" was super fucking strong, and I don't think I was even 10 yet, nevermind 18 or 21.
-*Fucking drinking age?*- He pauses his floor show to stare at me. -*That's what you think is wrong? Seriously?!*-
-*I don't know!*- I throw up my forelimbs. Fucking frustrating! -*I don't know how things are supposed to work, and when I do shit, I keep getting told that's not how to do it, but no one can prove that since I obviously did it!
-*Why don't you just tell me what crawled up your ass, 'cause it's obviously not me!*- I huff. -*You got a problem with this shit? I got a problem with this shit! False advertising! Inconsistent! Nonsense!*-
-*Dude. Banishment wine is a way to discorporate spirit energy. It kills spirit beasts. End of story.*-
I hard stop, trying to process what in the hells he's trying to tell me. I drank wine with a spirit beast. Granin wasn't suicidal and the goblin babies make that shit on the reg. They've got a whole thing about death stuff. It's what they do.
-*But I got it from a spirit beast...*-
-*Death Moths aren't spirit beasts! They're a race of spirits! Magical people!*- He sighs in disgust, rolling the eye again. -*Dude fed you poison and you lived and made something? And you think I'm mad about some nonexistent legal drinking age!*-
-*... Magical people? Like dwarves and elves?*- I'm. So confused.
-*I --.*-
The eyeball disappears and I wait for it to reappear. And keep waiting. Then I lay down and wait. A quick test to see if my wings do affect his appearing. Nope. Kinda getting hungry.
I check my bank for more food things, scanning through to see I've still got breads and stews on top of all the high end fancy shit the emperor made. How he do? How I do? Wait! Can he drink Black Blood Wine?
-*Okay, so I've been drinking Black Blood Wine, --*- Why's it echoey? -* -- because it tastes like American Southern Style sweet tea, but like the half sugar version, not the full diabetes level of sugar version.*-
There's the sound of wind rushing. No eyeball.
-*Black Blood Wine isn't as bad as Banishment Wine, but only because it's weaker banishment wine. You numpty.*- That super sweet talking down voice. From the air.
-*... But it tastes like sweet tea...*-
-*Fack!*-