-*Does he even know how to do anything besides shout?*- I ask the guard who is cleaning the items the kid dropped.

"Your highness, I think this spirit beast isn't common. It asked me a question," the guard whispers, head lowered.

"Of course it isn't common!" the kid shouts, grinning and lightly bouncing me in his arms. "How else would it be worth my effort?"

-*No, he means I can talk to anyone,*- I tell the kid, wiggling free.

"A valuable advisor," the kid nods, still yelling, bends down and scoops me right the fuck back up. Fack.

"Apologies, prince," the record keeper stands up, coming around the table and keeping his hand clasped over his fist. "But that is Kisandera the Devourer from the Rising Sun Empire. The Cataclysm?"

"A very imposing name," the kid says loudly, but not yelling, -- an improvement, question mark? -- while nodding somberly.

"Apologies, prince," the record keeper smiles, stopping short of chuckling in his friendly manner. Would he get in trouble for being too friendly? "But it means it cannot be tamed."

The kid turns to the guards who bow without a word and straighten immediately. Then he flings me to the ground.

-*You -- *-

Before I can call the kid a spoiled bitch he points a finger at me and I get blinded by a beam of white light similar to what Bubbles unleashed on the cliff, but only the width of his finger. I snap my jaws at where I think his finger is.

[Celestial Fire Consumed]

[Con. Qi +10]

[Karma +1000]

[Current Condensed Qi: 1831174/23764498]

[Current Qi: 252332/957945100]

[Current Karma: 95057992/107275977]

[Max Will: 9,579,451]

[Mortal Wallet: 10E,27K,180P,154R,179Da,155De,105k]

[Spirit Wallet: 0Dr,0Ph,0Th,1199Di,126Co,10506St]

-*The fuck is celestial fire?*- I ask, turning to glare at the kid. How the hell did I miss that badly?

"Kisandera the Devourer has a different color for every element they have," the way too fucking knowledgeable record keeper says while pointing at my wings. Shit. "And they're very close to the Phoenix Emperor of Rising Sun Empire."

-*I love you and I'm tempted to eat you for all of your knowledge,*- I accidentally compliment the record keeper when I'm trying to threaten him.

"It survived!" the kid shouts, waving his finger which he's still pointing at me.

-*I'm gonna bite his finger off,*- I send broadly, glaring at the offending digit on the entitle dipshit. -*He tried to kill me, he's free game!*-

"I will tell you everything I know if you spare the Imperial Prince," the record keeper says, dropping to his knees then pressing his forehead to the dirt with no hesitation.

-*I literally can't say no to that.*- I'm so excited I'm feeling nauseous.

Congratulations! You've unlocked 5 Confounder Cultivation achievements!

Confounder Cultivation Unlocked!

That's... the weirdest notification I've --. My thoughts are interrupted by something around my neck snapping and drifting away with the smell of coal and ash.

-*Did anyone else --?*-

My entire body cramps, my silk fusing and plastic wrapping me before I hear my shell cracking and splinting, held in place by my silk before everything pulses and I'm staring at my knees. I stumble, robing myself, -- there are children! -- and come to the realization that the emperor fucking sealed me! He reskinned my character of me as a cute, portable version of myself, and I couldn't change back.

"I think the Phoenix Emperor, as you lot call him, sealed me into that tiny form," I glare trying to figure out who to be most angry at or if I should just go after the kid now.

Wait... I turn my head, slowly, furious, as I remember the offer the record keeper made. He better pay up.

"I'm sparing your lord per the agreement you offered," I remind him.

I try to shift and I'm in mini form again. No charge. What the fuck? I think my robes went into my bank already 'cause they're not pooled around me and I remember auto banking stuff on me at one point. Then again I used to be able to fight.

-*And the Emperor of the Rising Sun Empire isn't just a phoenix. He's a Sacred Phoenix. That fire burns hot," I murmur, remembering the Emperor's Autumn. -*I still can't shift into my true form...*-

I start grooming and Nate casually picks me up. I glare at him but he's standing, head bowed, looking past me at the ground, between the pissy prince and Freckles. Oh. Right. He's mad.

-*You could maybe win if you caught everything else in the hunting ground,*- I tell the kid while continuing to groom my legs. -*The golden rabbit was only 200 points. You could beat that with 3 stone lions. Tigers might be worth just as much.*-

"Hmph! I'll have more points than some stupid rabbit! And I'll keep a tiger as a pet!" he shouts, before raising his arms up and waving forward. "Guards! Go catch the rest of the beasts and bring them here!"

-*I thought you had to use your own skill to --,*- I sound like a squeak toy as Nate squeezes me and air blasts out of my spiracles. -*Do you mind?*-

"We wish your imperial highness luck and fortune. Surely you can't lose," Nate intones, bowing deeply while not rolling me onto my back or side.

When he doesn't stand back up I go back to grooming my legs. I manage to finish my front four and my face, but the rest of me is kinda covered. I slip into my void to see if I can, and then take on my hunan form, get dressed, bank my robes back, and wander around naked. I head into the house, to the back rooms, willing the bedrooms clean, the mat gone, and then I test out both beds. I make them firm, fluffy, with thick quilts and large thick pillows, resisting the urge to fall asleep, making sure I find the beds comfortable before going to the kitchen.

This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.

"I... have nowhere to sit."

I turn back to the main room, Will a stone lined pit where I used to have a table and cushions, install a full padded perimeter couch, and place a table with one central support in the middle. The table is part of the floor and the seating is a couch formed in a hole in the ground. I doubt this will be enough, but, if Woodcock and company survived, I'm hoping it will give him pause enough for me to kick him. Out of my void, and maybe literally just kick him.

I go to sit down, remember I'm nekkid, wear one of the many four-armed robes Persephone made for me before it occurs to me that I don't have my stingers anymore. No extra limbs, arms, eyes, or bitchy advisor. In silence I look at how mundane I look. I'm pretty, yeah, maybe even beautiful to someone, but I don't look very happy. I form a tray, fill two bowls with stew, one with jelly, and get a plate of fish pastries before heading back to the table. When I will a spoon I end up unbanking someone's carved crystal spoon, wondering why the hell anyone would have a crystallized Qi spoon, and have a quiet meal.

Cleaning up and putting everything away I put on new pots of shiver thorn, grabbing my empty wine gourd and filling it with Black Blood Wine before heading back out. So, clad in robes, barefoot, spare sleeves knotted at my sides, and a drinking gourd slung over my shoulder, I go back to the hunting table, standing next to someone arguing that a knapped stone is an Earth Hare horn. I laugh. I can't help it. The stones on this guy. I walk around the table, pull a camp chair out of my bank and sit in the record keeper's personal space. He reaches over, placing two fingers against the back of my wrist after shaking back his sleeve.

-*I have a home in the same town as the Hunter's Association, the guild your companions are part of. You can stay with them and come over for lessons. I will speak to you more later,*- he nods respectfully, eyes closing briefly before he goes back to work.

-*I have no idea where those people are from. They caught me in a net after I was attacked by the golden rabbit,*- I mumble, slowly sipping my sweet tea. Gods, this is amazing.

"I'll guide you to them after his imperial highness' imperial guard comes back with his imperial highness' hunting trophies," the record keeper murmurs softly.

-*Don't tell me that brat had the nerve to not even walk to the frickin' barricade to pretend to walk the hunting grounds,*- I sit up, not even my tea able to comfort me.

"What are you drinking? Give it to me!" the boy shouts from in front of me. I blank as I realize I never even checked out the crowd in front of the table.

-*Black Blood Wine, but if you insist,*- I shrug. Malicious compliance...

Before I can smirk at the thought of not getting in trouble for obeying an imperial instruction the record keeper throws a wad of paper at me. I'm stunned from the sheer childishness of this action, and offended that it was enough to stop me in my tracks.

"Your imperial highness, Black Blood Wine turns the blood to ichor which oozes from every orifice. It's a virulent poison," the record keeper explains, keeping his head down.

"Well, give me what's in your flask!" the kid shouts at me.

I smile before taking a wad of paper to the face. Really?

"The Cataclysm of the Rising Sun Empire is immune to most poisons and venoms," the record keeper turns his head, glaring at me, then turns back to staring at the table. "Apologies, your imperial highness, but I doubt it is lying to you. They would get more enjoyment from telling you the truth."

"Where are my trophies?" the not boy, -- he has to be at least 15 -- possibly grown man --maybe even in his late twenties with one of those ageless faces -- shouts, flinging his hands out like he's shadow pimp slapping someone. The fuck is his problem?

"Sir," the guards around him back up and bow at the waist, a group of guards bicycle kicking the air and dropping off corpse after corpse after corpse.

"There are no prizes other than first," the record keeper whispers to me under the sound of bodies getting piled nearby. "If you wait by the river I will come get you."

I get up, wander over to the record keeper, give him a good sniff remembering that that used to be a thing I could do, then wander away, the little prince's face twisted in disgust as he recoils. But~ he doesn't stop me, so~... I hum, happy noises as I just slowly drain my gourd, letting the taste of sweet tea run over my tongue. I barely get past the tents before Freckles, with a new trinket hanging off of his belt sash. He explains that he's considered a blessed soldier, an imperial treasure, and that if he ever needs anything to contact the imperial guard. I congratulate him before asking why he's still hanging around if the others left.

"Well, Running River said he'd already invited you to our guild, and we all decided it was best for someone else to take you back to our guild hall. His blessing doesn't always work on you," he finishes, stammering, flushed and grinning.

I follow Freckles to the river, hopping on another ferry, this one some kind of Qi powered paddleboat. I was curious about the paddle until I saw the weird handle next to it. It's just a small thing, no way it could be a hand crank. Except it totally could be, couldn't it.

-Magical cultivator bullshit,- I grumble, giving my gourd a shake. Considering how much I thought I was drinking, half full isn't bad.

I don't want to put it away, but I'm satisfied for now, so I just sling it over my shoulder and wait for us to dock or hit land, or fly to a fucking moon. How bad is Nate with his trolling beast thing that this kid looks happy he got his ass shot down by any amount? Can Nate affect Bubbles? Is he trolly but harmless with all spirit beasts or am I so abnormal it made him extra? When I become official will he get better or worst? Are there more people like him there?

The ferry moves upstream past where Crimson Star climbed on and I feel a twinge of remorse at the kid's death and not telling Emo Lady goodbye. Fack. How bad is my luck that there are rumors of my inability to get "home" reaching other empires? In different languages no less. And learning that the Emperor used to be someone's pet isn't as much as a bombshell as it probably should be. I'm a terrible pet and people keep going "ooh, shiny".

The ferry stops at an actual dock this time, a little further the stream looks choked off with water plants and flowers. It smells not so bad, and there are tons of people milling around this little port town. Freckles is immediately greeted by people and it keeps up as we continue through the small city. This place feels more like it's supposed to be this big rather than rapidly expanded like Golden Rivers. Where Golden Rivers looks like someone over developed in the hopes of people moving in, and forgot about basic amenities and utilities, this place feels more organic and homey.

I take idle sips as Freckles has to vouch for me again and again, the people, actual cultivators with spirit sight, confronting me over and over, trying to contribute to what will be Freckles legend. Eventually I just ask and he points out that he's been blessed by the gods as a hero, and, despite his young age, he's already a proven genius, tried and tested, and he's destined for greatness. His path is hard, he has to constantly push, but he believes he can do it with help from his friends and guildmates. I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from saying anything too assholish or mocking the power of friendship, and then we start walking out of town.

-Where are we going?- I demand. This shit feels like a trap.

Freckles turns to me -- fucking polite customer service face -- and waits for me to repeat myself or elaborate. It takes me a second to realize that maybe he doesn't speak chitin. I sigh, realize I'm the asshole, apologize then repeat myself in this country's language.

"Oh! The guild has a tract of land with facilities. We're near this town, only a few hours out, and we'll be staying there most of the time. Outside of runs for requests and training, you don't actually come to town, most of us just like to."

He's so upbeat and cliché boy hero I try not to gag. He's nice, and he means it, and he works hard, and people like him shouldn't exist because it's way too much work! Tch. Being powerful and personable --. There's an imperial prince, a representative of the kingdom who acts like a spoiled merchant's son, and he can command a small army of high tier cultivators. I guess that's why the world needs heroes.

I calm down and take another long sip of tea. Did I ever finish making more before my shit downgraded? I have to set it back up again. I've got my hunan form back!