Shiver thorn, yay~... Breakfast of champions. Fack. First, check to see how much shiz I have in my bank... Got veg, got fruit, well berries from bushes, I haven't planted the fruit trees or Saint trees yet. I've got Qi, I need to condense it --.

No, I don't. I'm on a level where I'm fighting people blessed by the gods. Even with my shitty combat skill. Holy shit, I need to eat more brains. Do I have to have them in the party or just feel them? How did --.

Silent Howl would meditate on his dagger, a poisoned blade that he --. I know poisons. And I eat a lo~t~ --

I keep droning the word in my head, -- don't need lungs to think it -- and shift out of my void to see if they left anything for me. I see Emo Lady, groom myself in greeting, opt to follow her as she stealth waves, hiding her wave with her body, a basket hanging off her other arm, run back to check the box as Swole Grampa comes into the room, sees me in the chest, tries to glare at me, -- his eyebrows are impressive, but I'm not impressed. Gasp! -- snag the chipped and broken blades out of the chest, eat them real quick, then head out the door Emo Lady scurried out of when Swole Grampa came in.

-*What're we doing?*- I ask her as I skip after her.

She holds a finger to her lips and shuffles off quickly. Her robes are slightly too long, her free hand reserved for holding them up enough for her to move quickly, and I'm waiting for her to respond so I can pinpoint what she feels like at the back of my head. Wait. She's never sent to me. She just talks out loud. Quietly. Can she send? I thought she was taking her time to make something, was she just running out of Qi that quickly? Did it take her that long to get 10 Qi? Wait, is the Salt Lord a better cultivator? What about Lady Lord? What's his Qi pool lookin' like?

I freeze as Emo Lady reaches into her robes and pulls out a delicate silver looking blade. Whatcha doin'? I watch her as she kneels near some bamboo --. Where are we? This place looks like the serene lake. Wait, was I in the special section of the woods? Did my plan work? No, I wasn't far enough. How the --.

Dude, did someone infiltrate the empire with a hidden transfer circle? Or is that where he was exiled from and that's the only place he can go? Pretty sure Golden Rivers was in the empire. I was moving deeper into the empire, trying to Get Gud for the sake of the emperor. That's a good point. None of this was for the empire. I don't give a fuck about the empire, I was doing this for my buddy. I thought.

I sit and watch as she prunes little bamboo shoots. She cookin'? Or is this for crafting? She moves slowly, smiles gently, lightly harvesting the bamboo. And I don't know why.

-*What did you want me to follow you for?*- Bish, if you don't need me Imma go find some people to eat.

"Don't you want to know where we are?" she smiles, just short of going full crazy clown girl. Is that a playful grin or does she think she's lulling me into a false sense of security.

Bish, I woke up to people trying to harvest me. My body was used against my will to filter miasma. I found out that my intrusive thoughts might have been someone else puppeting me. Bitch. Try me.

She leads me around the forest, telling me about the little shoots, explaining the fully grown bamboo can be harvested for food, clothing, furniture, medicine, tools and more. Herbs and their uses, I'm not gonna remember, or will I? Nesting spots for various critters resulting in eggs and some fur tufts. All go in her long, flat basket with a handle nearly twice as long as the basket. When we get to clusters of bamboo that are too dense to walkthrough, and apparently not aesthetically pleasing, she "subtly" looks over her shoulder at me with a tight-lipped smile.

And I bank the entire cluster. She tries to chastise me for being greedy, and I tell her I'm not her fucking landscaper. If she wants my help she can ask, but she should know how Thousand Valleys treated me. If nothing else she's been keeping tabs through someone. Judging by how her face falls, she fucking knows. Not cute.

She's less playful as she explains more stuff. She tells me how to make a fishing rod, and I don't tell her I can snag shit with my silk. They've got ponds and pools they've made, somehow keeping them fresh and clean, seeding them with fish, and just changing the environment. She tosses random leaves into the water, trying to get the attention of some of the colorful fish. I watch as she gathers a couple of large fronds, setting them on the ground and then sitting on them, making herself comfy. She tries to get me to rest near her and I warn her that I still eat randomly so she drops it.

I am kinda hungry. I shift to my bank, finish making decorative baskets, putting a few veggies and fruits in them, one kind per basket, and the place looks like it's coming along. I'd love to have pots out, but no. Oh! The cellar! Do I have the energy? I attempt it, just carving out a little bit at a time and manage to make a space twice my width and three times my height. Crawling out of the hole I finish off my fish and veg cakes, and regret not setting stuff to cook and then remind myself that Emo Lady is waiting for me outside. Whoops.

-*Got distracted. Had to eat,*- I toss out, settling down on the ground as she munches on some shoots she'd harvested.

We wait and just watch the water. Well, I'm grooming while I wait, but I'm enjoying the ambience. When she finishes she quietly dusts herself off, offering me the fronds now that she's done with them, and I bank them because why is she doing this? Heading back she grabs random items, offering them to me, and I bank them. Mushrooms, straight sticks, large rocks, I have no idea what her game is but she's not gonna accrue much Karma for handing me garbage.

-*Stupid bug,*- speak of the devil. Shimmering Steel, how are you?

-*Hateful hardass.*- So that's me. -*Did you know my advisors knew someone was trying to steal me from you? Or did you think Silent Howl was helping you control me?*-

Wait, is Silent Howl why I could ignore her?

-*What are you talking about? Where are you? Shameless bug --*-

-*Eats the resources you offered or forced on me and catapulted your branch of the family into imperial notice, yeah, I know,*- I interrupt her before she can piss me off into closing the connection. -*Tell the triplets Silent Howl spoke to me. That's it.*-

-*You think you're my master?*- I can feel the--.

Wait, I really can feel her roiling through the connection. Must resist!

-*Silent Howl severed our connection and tried to convince me that he was my inner thoughts. I ate him. I know so much more now.*- I try to poke her through the link and she's so warm. Feels like pressing my hands into warm laundry with a shiatsu hard rolling massager underneath.

She's so unpleasant. Oh! Her voice isn't warm and comforting. When'd that change? She knows I'm an abomination. It's all in fun. Not.

-*He's a bug wrangler, that Silent Howl, and he's the reason my skills were all wonky. His knowledge and my resources.*- I point out, all helpful, because she kept forcing gifts on me then demanding payment. I gift you with information, fear what I ask for in return.

Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.

-*Complain that I don't answer to you, and then ignore me,*- I joke. She's been quiet...

Oh, shit. A quick check of her energy and there's nothing there. She hung up on me. Fack. How long ago did she hang up on me? Did she get any of the information I gave her? Imma charge her anyway.

Now Imma go get some greens. Trees~! I go into my void space, remember that Emo Lady and I just returned to the compound, then shrug and start dropping random trees and bamboo and herbs and veggies everywhere. Auto harvest if I have the Qi and focus on my greatest weapon. My stomach. And a screen with a bunch of panels opens up.

Holy shit it worked. Figured it would count as focusing on my hunger and my bank and me and just open the Smorgas-Board or I'd start cycling or something. Now I'm hungry. Tch. I'm supposed to get food going before I start working so's I can eat.

Oh, snap, I have so many things I can complete. Ooh, I killed at least five zombies. Does spawn camping Frozen Coffin count? I guess so. Und complete. Re-laid to rest tier 1 for 100 points.

Achievement Points 2500

Don't care, go away. What else did I complete? Tribulation complete. That's 1000 points. Wasn't I supposed to get another --. Oh. Qi Condensing III. Another 100 points. I'm supposed to do something with these, there were unlocks, but what was I doing again? Martial training! Quest board! Post Board. Post Board? Am I supposed to put out jobs that people hire me for?

Post Board has jobs on it. That people post wanting them to be fulfilled. So it's a regular quest board. Then what's with the name? Whatever... Bandits? Need 20. Don't got. Bugs? Don't got after I did the tutorial. Is there another pet battle arena event. Heh. Might be able to get some food before they ban me.

-Painted my ass!- Heehee...

Okay, maybe not all the times were bad, and Shimmering Steel was quotable, and I did enjoy making weird nicknames for her. I haven't been half as creative with anyone else, but she's a try hard and has no chill. You want to work hard? Fine. Good for you. What? You demand everyone else live up to your expectations? Nah, I'm out.

I close the Board and cultivator windows and climb into a pot of stew, regret it immediately when I remember I could be, and should be, making stew and veg cakes and drying veg, and I'm gross now. I finish the pot, clean myself up, and know I don't have the Will and energy to work on anything other than food. Persephone wasn't wrong, it takes a lot of resources to keep this shiz running.

Me. Stomach. Rawr! Combat? Kill stuff? Eat it, but no one has to know? There's counters, which totally should have finished. I look closer and find that it's for Green River combat. Thought it was Golden Rivers? Or am I in Green River now? How the fack does the Board know where I am? Magic shit.

I shift out of my void, tense and nearly go back in when I remember I didn't take anything off the stove, then stare blankly when I remember that I kept reminding myself to put stuff on. And never did. 'Cause I'm a dumbass. I sigh, go to check the chest, and they put a fucking lock on it.

Cool. I walk away and head outside, sliding the door open and shut. Good thing they didn't latch it or I'd have to unlock it, put a silk tether on it, close the door, then relock the door, and let. Them. Wonder.

So... Where all the spirit beasts at? I prepare to head in the general direction I'd gone with Emo Lady when I see Lady Lord, with a parasol, coming up behind me. I'm braced to cool bro nod at him as he passes, I'm slow and he's got long~ legs, but he scoops me up in passing. One. Good thing I groomed. Two? What the fack?

-*And what are you doing?*- 'Cause I don't know you, and I need to know if anyone knows where you are...

"I'm going on a hunting trip," he says brightly, barely smiling, face bright, nearly skipping, and still somehow blank.

Is he afraid of wrinkles? Move your face!

"I hunt as a test of skill, I don't make trophies or muck about with corpses. That's what you're for," he blankly beams at me, not slowing down or breaking stride.

I wanted things to eat, fair, but I wanted to get the credit for killing them. Wait.

-*Can I join the competition?*- If I can compete I can eat his kills and my kills. -*What are the requirements?*-

"You have to be a cultivator, you can't use any artifacts, and you have to be less than 30 years old," he folds in his fingers, starting at his thumb and my brain rebels on the last point.

Fack. How old am I?

-*Like 16 years old actively, or if you slept for 10 years do those years still count?*- I think I'm around 20, but I don't know I'm around 20. I think I've been actively awake for 7 years cumulatively...

"You need a sponsor to pay the entry fee," he chuckles at me, face barely moving and adam's apple bobbing. Musn't risk cracks!

-*If there's an entry fee, is there prize money?*-

I look around as he carries me out of the forest and into a grassy plain, high stepping even though the grass is chest high. To him. I'm just being dragged through the seediest parts of the fucking stalks. No. Think positive. Free seeds. Just have to groom.

Through the fields, onto a road for a short trip to a river, boarding a ferry, a long narrow boat with a straw roof, Lady Lord drawing a couple of looks. It finally occurs to me that he doesn't just have long legs, this sum bish tall. How high was that grass? I wonder if people get lost in it?

Leisurely ferry ride down a rapid river, the water's shallow but apparently fast so it's faster to take the ferry than walk. Which is blatantly false for cultivators, but I guess it is scenic. We unload on the opposite shore closer to mountains, walk into a large flat stony beach that expands into a rocky plain leading up to rocky mountains. Gonna guess there's some caves and hidden cliff valleys. This place doesn't seem very friendly.

Lady Lord takes me through the tents, striding confidently, a giant with a parasol and a fuzzy pet under his arm, just navigating through like we're going to market. I'm not sure where he thinks he's going, but he ignores all the tents, the groups, the tables, until he gets over to a pretty plain large tent with a table out front and people milling around. And I have no idea why we're at this tent recruit versus any of the others.

"Crimson Star, I have backing from Lord Heavenly Golden Fist," he says, pulling a large wooden badge out of his upper robe, placing it on the table and controlled smiling. "And I have this baby spirit beast that wants to participate, but we're not sure if it's less than 20 years old," he turns to me, bouncing me lightly while clucking his tongue before returning to the man frowning at him like he dropped a turd on the table.

"If the spirit beast is less than 200 years and of no heritage it can participate. 20 spirit stones," the man says and Lady Lord nearly crushes me.

[-20 Spirit Stones]

[Mortal Wallet: 10E,21K,228P,154R,179Da,155De,105k]

[Spirit Wallet: 0Dr,0Ph,0Th,1199Di,126Co,10526St - 20St]

[Current Condensed Qi: 1831774/23765716]

[Current Qi: 235612/957945100]

[Current Karma: 95062867/107275977]

[Mortal Wallet: 10E,21K,228P,154R,179Da,155De,105k]

[Spirit Wallet: 0Dr,0Ph,0Th,1199Di,126Co,10506St]

-*I paid, stop squishing me,*- I nag him, refusing to squirm but not wanting him to think squeezing me will get a reward.

"Hmph," the man looks super smug as he picks up the stones one at a time. He doesn't get to five before opening his mouth. "The rules for spirit beasts are --."

-*At 20 spirit stones the rules for me are if you annoy me I'll devour your family,*- I snap. I know it's a ripoff, and I know I shouldn't lose my temper, and I know I need to stop defaulting to "Imma eat 'em", but his attitude is just pissing me off so much right now.

"Spirit beasts can consume their kills, but you need the head as proof..." he continues slowly, side-eyeing me with a frown. He narrows his eyes at me, head angled away then gives a slight shake of his head before continuing to collect my "fee".

-*Do you need to turn in just the head?*- I ask Lady Lord, the statue.

"I'll be feeding my kills to the spirit beast, what do I need as proof?" the tall bastard asks politely.

-*I don't care what he says, I'll just store your bodies so you can show the whole thing. I don't like this man,*- I tell Lady Lord as what I'm guessing is the dude in charge of registration lists off needing this body part from this creature if it's found in this area. I don't know he's full of shit, but it feels like he's full of shit.