The more I know he exists, the more upsetting I find him... The Head Swapper isn't a head swapper. He's a swole grampa. He's 90 years old and built like a tank with broad shoulders, forearms the size of quiet girl's legs, and hands that can crush my little buggy skull. And dat voice. He got army general voice, not kind grampy voice. He's got so much bass... Why?!

And I realize I'm talking a lot of shit while he hasn't done anything except drag me somewhere I'm getting fed with shitty artifacts instead of literal garbage. Somewhere they train people to make artifacts. Or they're teaching them now.

The colorful kids? Cultivator hopefuls. Right now the people in active training, the emo kids -- wearing black and white 'cause adulting? -- are in their Qi infusing training. They'll be working up to elemental essences, then special essences, but you can't just leave the practice shit lying around, and it takes special disposal practices to stop Qi from getting wonky when it leaks from containers versus just pooling out in the open. And that's if it doesn't just go boom. So whatever are they to do?

...

Hello~, my comfy ass on a cushion within easy reach!

It's nice to figure out what's going on by just watching these dumbasses fail simple infusing, not complicated forging, but hardcore simple channeling Qi into a script circle with an object on it while holding an idea in their heads. Like they don't have to do purifying or anything, just channel while touching a mat and focusing on something for more than two minutes. Didn't think hyper-focusing was such a super power, but I'm shit at combat so maybe they're not compatible skillsets? Or they need more practice and I have a hard time paying attention if I'm not hyper focusing...

So I get to Disposal on Qi infused creations made with crude materials fetched by the younger kids who are better taken care of than the other people in their village. So that's that solved, but where the fuck am I, and how'd the old man know who I was? Or did he just gamble on the weird bug following colorful people through the forest? Does he have Ultravision? Prolly. Get styled on by Swole Grampa in his mansion as he low-keys a school for gifted children.

-*Why are you here?*- I ask Emo Lady.

She's been telling them stories about me. From an I-wasn't-there-but-I-heard perspective. Well, between her and the others talking about plans for hanging out alongside of what they wanted to create for their test, but I don't know what are names of places versus friends versus skills, so not me stories are getting back-burnered.

-*I believed in my cousin and wanted to help her as she proved that she was a viable heir for the family,*- she smiles lightly, eyes shuttered, but it doesn't feel happy... -*She got Imperial recognition, made a treasure, expanded the holdings into proper profit generating enterprises, made our name synonymous with Imperial Power again, but it wasn't enough...*-

I was there for most of that so I 'member. Hells, I was some of that. Wonder if the triplets learned to make silk?

-*When Golden Blade God tried sending her household to the front lines Grandpa came from exile to try to take us out of the Empire...*- Come again? We're outside of the Phoenix Emperor's Empire? -*Most of the people in the household are commoners with no hope of becoming cultivators, nevermind that they weren't strong enough to survive fighting in a war...*-

Her smile looks a little brighter as she actually shifts from where she's sitting on her knees on a cushion, facing me with her hands on the ground. I bristle as she bows and sits up, still smiling brightly even as tears fall down her face.

-*When you went to the canyons to defeat the renegades and then dug out dens of subversives you saved many lives.*-

Um, good to know? I kinda ate a lot of people so not sure how many lives I saved if they were only going after people raising spirit beasts. She laughs lightly, turning back to the table as the others murmur to her in this new language. She shakes her head, lightly patting at her eyes with a handkerchief she pulls from the inside of her sleeve.

-*To think that a demonic spirit beast of such power could be raised to defend the empire and its people? Truly, the gods have blessed our family even if the Red Empire is falling,*- she laughs lightly, again, they whiny teenager getting annoyed and throwing another failed creation into the center of the table where she lightly grabs it, and turns to offer it to me.

Ooh, that doesn't sound good. The Empire was shaky, but I thought people were trying to change who was in charge, not tear the whole place apart. I guess that if they knocked it down there'd be a fight over who went up next... Wow. What the hell did the Emperor do that caused this? He's been around for a minute and it's got no supporters other than people who say there needs to be an Empire?

Five failed ball fans. I finish off the fifth while the guy cranking them out tries to reaffirm his vision. A fan that opens into a wide circle. For throwing. He wants to make a throwing fan that collapses into a ball and expands like a ribbon unspooling before a pleated fan reveal. Neat. But what he's making are some weird baseballs with asymmetrical pleated skirts. Fascinating decorations, yes. Weapons of war? On brutalist art?

Dragon's Resounding Shout, Imma stick to Emo Lady, tells me and the others some of my baby stories, -- random grub turned devourer of worlds! But she doesn't know that last part so I'm just a pain in the ass versus actually dangerous. Good~. Good~. -- and I get to see the bullshit I went through from a different perspective.

The flowers that I thought were mainly food and later learned can be cycled by cultivators, grown in bulk, were also sold to various silkworm farms with dozens of grubs slowly noshing on the flowers, getting a little bit of the element and eventually trying to spin cocoons. The silk for the cocoons gets hijacked, the grubs die off, but lo and behold!, they'd have an egg layer to repeat the process.

And raising the silkworms to maturity is apparently not easy. I was right. Silk moths do lay hundreds of eggs, but the more mature ones just kinda sit around, mouthless, cycling to stay alive. So a whole lot of wasted produce, a whole lot of death, and the only worms that actually reach maturity are ones that learn how to be spirit beasts. Not all creatures are created equal, it's just that there's more insects that develop the ability to turn essence into Qi, and that's why I started with essence and moved on to Qi, and why bugs are such a huge fucking problem what with the swarming. Fucking Broadband Chicken in charge of raising Spirit Beasts but doesn't know how they're made? I'm not special, aside from my ability to consume and convert essence and Qi. My compatibility for essences, plural, is off the charts.

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

And all those dead silkworms? Food! For other beasties. Then here comes my high compatibility mutatey ass actually eating all the food, spinning silk for funsies, and doing it in all the simple elements of nature? And then elements that aren't so simple, and coughing up orbs? Drop the fucking mic! But there was nowhere for me to dump some of the energy so I just got bigger and stronger, becoming more me. As opposed to laying eggs and generating more profit. How dare!

Then my ass came back in a human form with advisors I called my children. Holy shiz, Shimmering Steel had to think she had a chance to be heir when my talking ass came back with smooth criminals that worked together like a well-oiled machine, could report directly to her, and kept trying to outperform everyone else. And I'm still sterile, unable to reproduce, can't make more of these awesome motherfuckers, -- those will and energy still assholes kept killing me, and telling me to Get Gud? Ass. Holes. -- and I was demanding full shares and threatening to unionize. Probably would have taken me more seriously if the triplets weren't able to bypass my shit and keep me down...

♪ Rollercoaster ♪

♪ of "da fuq...?" ♪

Then I ran away. Again. Kinda. More face for joining a school. More face for doing well. More face for still being a treasure. More face for finding hidden treasures. More face for finding hidden passages. Being able to use the hidden passages? All the face. Just raining respect and reputation for days. Massive Qi dump, reforge, purification? Boom. Face counter broken. More face for getting rid of crawling hands. More face for my advisors being bosses. More face for being a miasma purifying machine. More face for my brief foray into the medical field. More face for being able to clear a spreading threat. More face for being able to create script silks. Then I fucked off again and refused to do any more work because they weren't treating me fairly.

And she couldn't control me.

Face counter go down? Respect for all the things I was capable of, it's nice that you know them, backhanded compliments behind cold smiles, and I'm still running around doing epic shit. All the weird encounters I had weren't just me running into people around the world? Some people were actively trying to seek me out in an effort to control me. Imagine gaining all that awesome just by getting me to like you? Wat~?

But I keep mutating, and no one knows what I look like. I reforged live on exam-cam, and then tempered myself in miasma, changing my appearance. Teehee! Other spirit beasts know what I am, but not who. So the people who know me best know me best. And that's it. Kinda happy all those people I met just thought I was someone who learned a wimble fighting style.

Wait. Silkworm to wimble. Can silkworms turn into something other than a wimble? Like outside of mutations? Or are wimbles a silkworm mutation.

I accept Emo Lady's failed mirror, her second. Whiny Lad keeps jumping headfirst into forcing a project, Emo Lady taking more time and effort on her divination mirrors, -- she wants to use them to spy on people, and I'd think that was scrying not divining, but I still don't know shit, so whatevs. -- and some quiet, long faced, pretty sack of shit that is probably awesome but I have a bad history with attractive people keeps making brushes. And he takes even longer than Emo Lady to make a craft, murmurs his responses quietly, cements what he wants the brush to do by waving it around, going through the motions of writing with it, then brushing it lightly across his face, and he's failing, too. So 5 fans, 2 mirrors, and only one brush after hours of listening to Emo Lady tell these complete strangers enough to find me.

And they have no Qi. Like I thought I was gonna get fat and happy. Only 10 Qi per creation, failed or nah, and all these wasted materials. What the absolute fuck. How much money was Thousand Valleys making off of my shit?

Ooh, Whiny Lad is turning into a salt lord. Emo Lady tells me not to take him seriously, but he's giving me some interesting insights. For one, he's low on Qi, has been for some time, but there's a limit to how much hunans can actually dump before they just can't go any lower. Unless they're crazy suicidal or can push through. Luckily for Salt Lad he can't, so he's just drunk sounding, tired, and belligerent.

Not sure why she thinks I'm gonna get mad that he's calling me a freak butterfly or a broken pet. I agree on both counts, and I've heard so much worse, ignoring the whole man-eater bit. Not sure why he thinks I'm the safe bet, 'cause he's only going in on me. Nevermind that Shimmering Steel couldn't keep control of me, I'm disobedient. Nevermind I can't be summoned, -- that's a thing? -- she didn't have control of my broken advisors.

And then there's my advisors. I'm sterile, so worthless, -- really? -- and my advisors aren't real. Come again? Yes, they're condensed essence, but how's that make them not real? Flesh and blood aren't the only materials, my guy. Ooh, and they can't be controlled either. Hadn't noticed. At least I've got some feedback that they're not just spewing out babies for profit, selling them to the highest bidder or making an army.

He's crying now. 'Cause he can't gather enough Qi to make an item, -- not the problem, but sure. -- and I'm dumping enough essence to spawn sentient creatures. 'Cause that's what I was trying to do, asshole. I was trying to make drones but being sterile --. If being sterile affects spawning drones how the fuck did I get the option? ... Did being infested trick the system into thinking I had a swarm? I was swarmed not swarming. Could I have puppeted the swarms? If I let Frozen Coffin make zombies can I puppet him and he puppets the other zombies? No, wait. I chose the Queen not King. Fack!

Wait. What do I get for being Queen?

Queen I Brood evolves to obey the Queen

Fucking when? Rank 1 Queen. Doesn't slay. So I was supposed to upgrade it? How? Brood evolves to obey me? Was I supposed to pick their evolution? Assign them tasks? ... There's a fucking bug tutorial, isn't there? Fack! Where is it?

I hunker down on the cushion, trying to remember how to turn inwards without banking. Wait, bank stuff means focus on bank, so bug stuff is focus on...? I can't just focus on me, that does Qi stuff, so what's buggy about me? Food stuff is bank stuff... What did I do to get the Queen v King option? I was fighting. But I did a ton of fighting and didn't get more shiz. Or did I? Dear, gods, how far back do I have to read to find out? I did get some notification sounds, but I never opened them. I think they were mostly "you did that!" and achievements. 'Cause cheese.

If I hungy and I focus on my tumtum, wat dat do? Well, I'm not hungry, but I could eat and I've got condensed Qi pooled up in my bank. Nope, that's Smorgas-Board, but there are a few things that look maxed out. Focus me. What was I doing to trigger bug stuff? Wasn't just fighting, I auto new shit, was it because I was defending a group?

My brain feels weird and I hear me thinking "party strats", but my voice sounds weird. Am I drunk? Party?

A window, white and red and black, opens, small in the foreground, but there's a larger window in the background with more sub-windows inside its split frames.

Would you like to form a party?

Yes ~ No

Oh~... Party strats... Swarm stuff. Got it.