"We... Need to treat that..." Freckles sags, no longer awkward. Did I just break him with stupid?

I don't know what I get from eating things, it changes. Apparently eating myself does something, but I swear I've eaten my shed or something --. I bit myself in the ass. Was not willing. Why'd I do this again? I stare down at my wounded hand, trying to remember if I need to be in my bug form to heal or nah.

I sigh, unbanking one of the shiver thorn jelly dumplings and snacking on it while trying to figure out what I should do about my missing limb. If he uses any of that lotion I'm staying awake this time. Speaking of, why'd I pass out? I doubt I want to know what they did with my body while I was asleep so I grab another jelly dumpling to make sure I don't nod off again. I finally look around to see everyone's backed off, standing to the side of the road. That's when I realize I'm the numpty standing in the middle of the road having a snack. I walk off to the side, giving a polite bow as I stand next to someone with massive eyes, a triangular head, and a small pointed beard. I finish savoring my quick meal, remember I was supposed to figure out how to heal myself, then notice the strange-headed figure is staring at me.

-Hello...- I stare back at them, unamused but not belligerent. I hope.

-Shiver thorn is deadly. How can you eat it when it's concentrated like that?- the stranger juts their chin at everyone standing away. -Even the smell is enough to cause one's heart to race.-

I'm sorry what?

"When do you plan on leaving for the mission?" I turn to the group standing off to the side and staring at me like I grew a second head, then turn back to Trinity. "I was raised in captivity, apparently I'm very un-spirit beasty and even less bug-like."

"We'll come find you in an hour or two," Freckles chimes in immediately. "You... have an interesting aura."

"'Kay..." I haven't been hiding lately, but my scale shed made it pointless. Should start suppressing again. -You mind telling me more stuff everyone just knows?-

-Raised in captivity?- Trinity's nose is so small I overlooked it, but now it's wiggling and twitching like crazy. -I will help you and I would like to hear stories in return! I am Fresh Caught Fish, a common Red Fox Spirit.-

-What spirit beast is common?- I snort. Then again, I don't know shit so... -Kisandera, mutated wimble. Yes, I'm not a wimble anymore, but I'm supposed to be,- I roll my eyes, trying to interrupt the disbelief. -And I'm beginning to understand my development was a little odd.

-Would you be willing to come on this mission and continue instructing me?- I ask Trinity. Yeah, his name is Fresh Caught Fish, but I like my name for him better.

"What mission are you undertaking?" he side-eyes the group waiting on me.

"We're going to dig up some earth beast. The farm extermination mission," Joe shrugs.

"Would it be acceptable for me to tag along and continue instructing Kissy--."

"Don't!" They all shout as I feel my shoulders slump and my face go blank.

"Don't call me that. That name is ridiculous," I cut my eyes, shaking my head at this continued nonsense. "Call me Sandy or Sanders. Hells, 'bug' is better. Kissy Kissy is a stupid name."

"I'm sure you were quite adorable as a little grub with your little mouth," Trinity hunches, squealing and making tiny claw pinching motions with his hands like he's playing with my little grubby feet.

-Do you mind?- I groan at him and he grins, straightening up and beaming at me.

-Apologies. I will keep you company on your mission, but I don't feel like participating.-

-I need your knowledge, not your combat abilities,- I remind him, nodding towards Hatchet, Freckles and Joe.

Where's Nate. I look around and see him sulking on my other side. I stare at him but he seems to be behaving himself.

-Would you mind helping me find healing cream in the store? And how to check my rank and points?- I ask, Trinity grinning, and I notice his teeth are sharp, almost chipped, along the edges.

Freckles reminds me that they were giving me an hour to get settled in and familiarize myself with the guild grounds, shooing me off while stating that Fresh Caught Fish is known and can be held accountable if anything happens. We laugh, leave, and Fresh Caught Fish immediately steers me to the stables, telling me some of the creams and ointments sold there aren't as nicely packaged or perfumed, but they'll do as a start. He suggests, if I don't have a place to stay, that I should find out if there were any stalls available.

I shouldn't be offended, and when he continues by telling me most spirit beasts start out together in the stables, himself included, I let it go. When I ask about the weird looks I'm getting and why everyone's sniffing at me and recoiling -- do I smell like shit, death, or vinegar? -- he tells me they can still smell the shiver thorn on me. Then comes the explanation that hunans dilute it into a stimulant, but no level of diluting stops a spirit beasts much more efficient system from metabolizing it to the point where we die from being too turbo charged. So, my jelly rolls? Deadly to everyone, not just spirit beasts or hunans. I find them refreshing. Black Blood Wine? Too cruel and a crime against all life. Oops.

So we talk and tagalong as "my" team, The Naturalists, -- they're a group of cultivators with two people that are practically demi-gods and this was the best name they came up with? -- head to our mission location. Most of the walk is along a wide path, too narrow to be a road, and, while we walk through open areas, all along the edges of the plains are trees. Like someone clear cut the shit outta the road area. The trees themselves are so unnatural that I figure it's a magic thing, Trinity telling me they're a form of cloud grass, then explaining that the name comes from the fiber forming into fluffy balls high above the ground -- like clouds -- while being green, or forming in carpets at ground height. He also explains that most hunan-forms are considered more cosmetic, the diets and personalities of the spirit beast remaining. Raw meat in natural form? Raw meat in hunan form. Flowers in natural form? Yeah, no, apparently diets aren't too varied outside of special circumstances. Something else weird about me. At least I knew that part.

Less than an hour later we're walking through a cloud grass farm, -- bishes, this shit's just super cotton. It's literally giant cotton balls. A field of pumpkin-sized cotton balls growing just above the ground. -- heading up to the main complex. There are fucked up trees on the outskirt of the farm looking like a child's drawing. Clusters of straight or twisted vines rising from the ground upwards of 20ft terminating in bladelike leaves or green pumpkin-sized cotton balls. At one point a cluster of lanterns is released from the edge of the farm farthest from the river we crossed to get here and everyone oohs and awes at the beautiful display of whirligig flowers rising from a center pillar. Trinity literally has to tell me that they're, one, not lanterns, two, the nubs at the top aren't a pillar or motor, but the insect's head, and, three, those are wimbles.

This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

I do stop for a little while as the others continue up to the walkway, just watching the dancing sky flowers. They are super pretty, but Trinity warns me that they've got long, thin forelimbs they use for attacks that turn from stabbing to sawing and slashing as they thrash their limbs. I feel my face twist in a lopsided smile. I might have started out like this, but, I guess, from a certain perspective, my stained glass or rainbow glitter is a drastic turn away from the simple beauty of a spinning flower. I'm not ugly. Just built different.

"You've never seen a wimble before?" Freckles asks quietly.

"I've seen me," I snort back. "But by then I'd mutated too much," I frown thoughtfully. They might be living their best lives, but they're outside and I do like my bed. "Never seen cloud grass before, but there was someone who said they'd take me to see wild wimbles..."

As we walk up to the door I tell them about meeting someone at a tonin farm who said they owned a wimble as a pet. From Lana's shameless playfulness, to her final condemnation of me, to her seeing me in my hunan form when I had scales like a fish.

"And you just bleed black ichor..." Nate trails off thoughtfully.

I cock my fist back in preparation, Trinity doing his best to fade into the background, Nate looking like I was wifey material until I said I kicked puppies -- why does this dude look so gutted? It's a good thing someone can get around his bullshit so he knows he's not funny. 'Cause that shit wasn't funny. -- while Freckles laughs. Freckles is quick to explain that Wimble sail color indicates the color of their blood, and that the blood is more known as a bright dye or ink requiring special techniques to remove the high saturation stains. We converge on the door at the same time someone with long over robes, and, based on their bare legs, no underrobes, races up to us, wooden sandals kicking up dirt behind them.

"If you're the hunters, please come this way! Whatever the creature is, things are much worse now. It's now out and it has children with it!" the man shouts, bowing rapidly to all of us before turning around and sprinting back the way he'd come, looking back and bowing while urging us to follow him.

I think it's impressive that he's this flustered, running around and not stum--, nevermind, there he goes! He stumbles but doesn't fall, recovering pretty quickly, which is still impressive. The others are exchanging looks and trying to quietly come up with a battleplan, Trinity excusing themselves, saying they'd wait to continue talking to me on the trip back, and I do want the meat, so... I hop then lightly jog after the figure, feeling like I'm floating as I move to catch up to them, my robes drifting around me.

[New Skill Unlocked]

[Wind Walk Successful]

[Successful Uses 1/100]

[Qi -10]

[Karma +100]

[Current Condensed Qi: 1831174/23764523]

[Current Qi: 252322/957945100]

[Current Karma: 95058092/107275977]

[Max Will: 9579451]

[Mortal Wallet: 10E,27K,180P,154R,179Da,175De,105k]

[Spirit Wallet: 0Dr,0Ph,0Th,1199Di,126Co,10506St]

They're shouting, but they're not telling me to turn back, but the dude I'm chasing is slowing down and keeps staring back at me as I drift closer to him. It's when he stops, closes his eyes, and makes a duck face at me, head tilted back since I'm coming down at an angle, that I realize something's super off, and I'm not just being paranoid.

"What do you think you're doing?" I bark at him, wondering where he's going with this bullshit.

My voice startles him so much he clutches his robes shut while staring at me in shock. I'm not the one who was tugging at your robes, freak.

"What are you up to? Is the creature not in this direction?" Was this a trap? Is that why the others weren't following?

Tch, was I the only one who took the bait? If this dude's from a different hunting group trying to claim the reward he's about to disappear... I've noticed textures are different from my bug mouth. Gonna test that on this jackass if someone doesn't clear things up. My head tips sideways as I process the fact that I don't think I've ever cooked hunan before. I think I just consume them as quickly as possible to get it over with. But why--? Nope. It's that whole recovering from mortal wounds with a sip of tea for me. The fact that at any time they might have a life saving treasure, and the bullshit of putting them down might be repeated ad infinitum? Nah, I'm good.

Before he says anything there's a scream in the distance, this time the others quickly catching up and passing me in seconds even though Real Kissy Kissy had been running for a good while before I took convinced myself to steal the kill from my "allies". We're not in a party and I'm not about to get used for pest control without a pest barbecue after. 'Sides, if I get enough I'll be able to ask Trinity all the questions about it over a meal of it, maybe. They have lunch time in schools, right?

"It's a Fire Rat!"

"Shit! The whole farm could go up!"

"This is why we needed to gather more information first!"

I'm not even there and I feel like they're trying to blame me for this. We all chased a scream, assholes. Or maybe I'm projecting? I finally get out of the fields and past what I thought was a decorative hedge. Who the fuck makes a hedge maze in the woods near a farm near their house. There's too much going on for you to go, "Well if you didn't get lost in any of those places, try here!" or "We don't know where the murderer went! Someone go into the maze to die -- I mean-- catch them!". Or maybe that's just me, too...

I climb onto the hedge, surprised that it's letting me, then hop along the top until I'm staring down into an alcove with a hissing beaver with a wombat's butt instead of a paddle, and badger claws. This is a rat? What about the tonin? Those were demon rats, or is rat just a catch all for any small mammal or rodent. And now I'm assuming it's a mammal because it looks furry. I'm not a mammal and I'm furry AF in my natural form. True, it's silk and carapace, not actually hair and hide, but still. Who am I to judge.

[Piercing Shot Successful]

[Successful Uses 93/100]

[Qi -30]

[Karma -5]

[Current Condensed Qi: 1831174/23764521]

[Current Qi: 252292/957945100]

[Current Karma: 95058087/107275977]

[Max Will: 9,579,451]

[Mortal Wallet: 10E,27K,180P,154R,179Da,155De,105k]

[Spirit Wallet: 0Dr,0Ph,0Th,1199Di,126Co,10506St]

They said fire, but it's nothing's smoking, and, after I bank it I get to see into its little burrow of cloud grass and brown and red striped gummy bears. The babies don't look like they should be moving around, so how'd bro know it had babies? And that red looks way more like blood than fire, but that's just me. It kinda doark. I hop down, making "it's doark" jokes quietly to myself as I reach in a bank the nuggies and nest before shifting to my bank.

And now I'm stuck high stepping and dancing around as mama red rat tries to drive me off. Eventually she stops chasing me, stands over her exposed jelly beans, every one of them shrieking, while I try to decide where to drop this meat eating muncher. If I put her near my farm she's gonna tear my shit down for bedding, and I don't know if she can swim to fish. I've still got a few regular trees... I wander over to something that I think is just a basic ass, no frills, oak tree. No essence other than natural life and nature bullshit. I carve a hole into the ground, move some of the roots out of the way, -- yeah, no I eat some of the roots, but I bank some too.

I never really fucked around with basic wood. Might be missing out. Who knows? -- then move the nest, bebes, and mama into the new hollow. She screams at me briefly before retreating. I dust my hands off, head into my house, realize I never made an actual bathroom, head out back and wash up, refill my gourd and grab a handful of veg cake, then shift back out while having a snack.

"That's that done," I say as I come back to the maze.

There's a loud sound and my stomach cramps. I feel like I'm about to shit, but I haven't done that since I woke up in the woods. Every time I thought I would I the feeling went away and I just spun silk. But I don't have spinners... I look down and see that there's a weird patch of haphazard silk on my robes. When I move my robes out of the way they don't move, the silk going all the way to my stomach, and I think it's sticking to my back. I look up to ask what happened and the dude who I think made kissy faces at me -- was he mocking me? Do I know him? -- is holding what looks like a frickin' flintlock pistol or a game dwarven hand cannon. The thing is massive and smoking... I blink as part of me figures out that --.

"I think I've been shot?" I turn to the others in the guild in disbelief.

We came to do a job, I did it, then I got shot? In a world of magical bullshit, martial arts, and gods, some asshole shot me with a basic ass gun? Are you serious right now?