Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Three

Modern History was first up that Wednesday morning, a fact that Lila dreaded as she trudged towards her classroom. She’d never imagined a scenario where she wanted to actively avoid Grace – even when they’d fought over the years – and, with a feeling so completely foreign, Lila didn’t know what to do. Grace had always been the most sensible of the three – patient, too, and she always had good advice. Advice that would probably be very useful now, if it wasn’t for the fact that the advice was about her illegal relationship.

After talking to Asher about it yesterday, Lila was still standing by her decision to wait, at the very least, until they talked to Grace about the situation before deciding whether or not they should report it. But that, by no means, was an easy decision. The more she thought about it, especially in conjunction with Asher’s comments that Grace was likely groomed and that Lila would want to protect her, the more Lila was beginning to doubt this chosen path.

Lila took her seat at the table she shared with Grace and Elise, murmuring a ‘hello’ to them both as she pulled out her materials for class. Knowing what she knew now, it was no wonder that Grace wasn’t forthcoming about anything regarding her girlfriend…

As she tuned out the Modern History teacher’s lecture, Lila began to pick up the puzzle pieces that had been in the back of her mind regarding the identity of Grace’s girlfriend. They began dating in early February, so essentially once school resumed… Then, for Valentine’s Day, Grace was worried about whether she’d be seen by Forestglade College students – under the guise that she didn’t want people from their school to find out her partner was a female.

And… after that… Lila had seen them together. At semi formal. Grace had been talking to Ms Alexander, though Lila couldn’t remember if she’d heard any of their conversation or not. At the time, it seemed innocent. But, now knowing that at that point, they’d been dating for a couple of months… it brought an eeriness over Lila that she couldn’t shake. Had they enjoyed flaunting their secret relationship like that in front of all those teachers and students? Lila hadn’t noticed anything amiss with how Grace had been behaving back then. But, at the same time, she never would have suspected a secret relationship between Grace, her close friend, and a teacher.

The increased weight and pressure of all these secrets Lila was carrying started to worry her, too. Would she end up cracking?

She was glad, at least, that Asher somehow managed to be there with her for most, if not all, of them. None of the secrets she was still tightly holding on to were any that she could divulge to anyone else – but she’d be able to talk to Asher if she needed to. It would probably be worse if she were totally alone with these burdens.

“Lila, your pen clicking is driving me insane,” Elise whispered in Lila’s ear. She jolted, instantly being thrust back into the present moment. She looked down at her hand and let go of her pen.

“Thanks,” Elise looked slightly sheepish in her reply but Lila shook her head.

“My fault, sorry.”

“Is something on your mind?” Grace asked, her voice low. Lila glanced at her.

“No.”

This complete and utter lie, said to the earnest, concerned faces of her two closest friends, besides Asher, made Lila feel physically ill, her stomach twisting and twirling. Out of all the secrets she was protecting, this one was suffocating – crushing her from the inside out.

Secrets like Clare’s job, Daniel’s school activities, the morphine ring, entering an abandoned farmhouse, witnessing Marlene beat a man inside Asher’s family’s library, among all the others, were troublesome if she let them out. But, to Lila, the consequences of letting those out didn’t seem quite as dire as breaking Grace’s heart and throwing Ms Alexander under the bus. Could it be because it was so new? Or because the circumstances of finding it out were so shocking? Or was it actually just that terrible a secret?

She was regretting ever having seen it – heck, even ever going to the Performing Arts area. She’d never wanted her curiosity about Grace’s partner to be answered like this, nor had she wanted this to be the answer.

What was the moral thing to do? Probably tell someone about it. But was that right? That option also left a bad taste in her mouth.

“Seriously, Lila, are you unwell or something? Do you need to go to sickbay?” Grace’s gentle voice, previously a reliable source of comfort and reassurance, felt like daggers were being driven into Lila’s ears.

“Just… my period,” Lila murmured, clutching her stomach.

“I have some Naprogesic, hold on,” Grace said, rifling through her bag. Lila pressed her lips together. It wasn’t totally a lie – she’d started the sugar pills, but her period hadn’t quite yet made an appearance. Would taking pain medication be safe if she didn’t need it exactly now?

“Here,” Grace said triumphantly, passing her two, small blue pills. “It won’t work right away, but once it kicks in, you’ll be good.”

Well, there was no way to take back the lie. She accepted them with a mumbled ‘thanks’, drinking them down with water.

“Just let us know if you need to go to Sickbay,” Grace smiled. Elise enthusiastically nodded. Lila gave them a feeble smile in return.

Now that Lila knew Grace’s secret, each action that had always been par for the course for Grace now seemed to be designed to cause Lila to feel horrendously guilty about even entertaining the idea of reporting Ms Alexander. Of course, that was a ridiculous notion – considering Grace didn’t seem to be aware that Lila had seen something – but not one she could entirely shake.

Moden History finally wrapped up and Lila sprinted out of there like she was being chased.

“Li-”

Elise’s attempt at calling Lila back fell on deaf ears as the door between them closed.

Bio flashed by in an instant. Mr Johnson gave her class absolutely no opportunity to talk today, with a mock exam given to them to complete. Their mid-term exam was rapidly approaching and Lila felt nowhere near prepared. Which, she supposed, was the point of the mock exam.

“That wasn’t so bad,” Lucas said to Cecelia and Lila as they packed up once Mr Johnson dismissed them.

“I’m gonna fail,” Cecelia sighed. “How many times can I get held back before they kick me out?”

“None,” Lucas replied gravely, his glare halting Cecelia entirely. “You’re graduating with us.”

“But… what if I really do fail?”

“You won’t,” Lucas smiled. “I’ll help you study.”

Cecelia looked surprised. “Where has this option been hiding?”

Lucas laughed. “It’s always been available. You’re just not studious.”

Cecelia pouted. Lila snickered, looking up as she hoisted her bag over her shoulder. To her surprise, she could see Asher lurking just beyond the doorway.

“See you guys later,” Lila said to Cecelia and Lucas, who had started bickering about the need to study.

“Bye!” Cecelia waved cheerily at Lila before reengaging in her argument with Lucas once again.

“I thought you would’ve headed straight to the locker room,” Lila said with a smile upon approaching Asher, who had his hands in his pockets.

“Why would I? I had Maths just now,” Asher replied, gesturing vaguely to the direction of the Maths classrooms.

“Well, I don’t always see you outside my classes,” Lila said, taking his hand and beginning to walk to the locker room together.

“You know you haven’t given me your timetable, right?” Asher laughed. “I’ve just been guessing where you were this whole time, except for the classes we share.”

“Oh. Well, you haven’t given me yours either.”

“That’s true. Here, I’ll send it to you.”

They exchanged pictures of their timetables, with Lila looking at his with keen interest. He had Mandarin after PC, then Physics before Study today.

“You spend most of your life over in the STEM area of campus,” Lila commented, pocketing her phone.

“Well, it was a toss-up, whether I’d do the full Suicide Six, or ditch Bio.”

“Suicide Six?”

“English, Maths, Advanced Maths, Bio, Chem and Physics,” Asher said, counting each one on his fingers. “Doing all those gets you into the most amount of Uni courses. I’m pretty glad I ditched Bio and kept Mandarin, though. That way I can stretch my legs and go over to the Language Block from time to time.”

“You didn’t want to do a specialist class, like Engineering with Isaac?”

“Nah,” Asher shook his head. “I still don’t know what I want to do with my life, but Mandarin sounded more useful to me than Bio, what with how the world’s going.”

“I suppose there are a lot of Mandarin speakers,” Lila chuckled. His eyes twinkled.

“Exactly. What about you, though? You’re doing Design, Jap, Modern History and Bio, along with Maths and English. That’s quite a mix.”

Lila shrugged. “I don’t know what to do with my life, either, but instead of being smart about it and choosing subjects that would get me into most Uni courses like you, I picked what I was interested in.”

Asher nodded in apparent understanding. “That sounds smarter than my boring choice. At least you’re getting some interest out of them. Getting good grades in them, at least?”

Lila flushed, suddenly reminded that Asher was the undefeated Dux of their cohort. Her meagre B+ average would hardly impress him.

“I-I guess,” she settled on saying.

“Are you self-conscious about your grades?”

“W-What? Me? No.”

He gave her a doubtful look and she sighed.

“Look, I’m not an A+, or even an A student,” Lila relented. “Sometimes when I think about it, I wonder why you wanted to be with me. Since I’m a dummy in comparison to you.”

He stopped in his tracks and pulled her to him.

“Lila, I care about my grades,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. “I also care about who you are, not how well you can answer convoluted criteria sheets that arbitrarily measure a specific type of intelligence.”

Lila was silent, processing his response. He really didn’t care about her grades?

“But we don’t match up-”

“We do, though,” he said, gently extricating himself and looking into her eyes. “We match up in other things. And, if we don’t match, we supplement. Have you forgotten that we click so well it’s dangerous in some aspects?”

Lila’s breath hitched. She shook her head, staring down at the floor between them.

“Good,” he replied firmly. “You’re my partner, for more than just dating. So, like the word suggests, we’re two parts to one whole.”

Her heart felt warm as she brought her hands to her chest. “You’re right. We are.”

He kissed her forehead, seemingly prompting the sound of a hissing snake to make its way to their ears. They turned around to the source, spotting Isaac who was continuing to hiss, his fingers crossed like a crucifix and legs crouched slightly. He continued his slow, hissing approach as they watched on in amusement until he was within reach of them both.

“Idiot,” Asher smirked, bopping Isaac on the head. He only hissed louder.

It was at that point that Elise came across the trio, her face bemused.

“Why’re you acting like you’ve seen the Devil?” she asked Isaac. He cleared his throat, straightening up his stance.

“They’re not leaving space for Jesus,” Isaac declared, pointing at Lila and Asher. Elise inhaled sharply before turning around, her face pink. It sounded like she was stifling a laugh.

“You’re ridiculous,” she muttered, her response quivering with humour.

For some reason, Isaac’s face also turned pink and he cleared his throat again.

“A-Anyway, I’m just trying to protect them from teachers,” Isaac added defensively.

“Thanks,” Asher smiled. “So far so good.”

“Because I’m the one catching you two being lovey-dovey,” Isaac responded shortly. “I swear, it’s like I’ve got a magnet for it or something.”

“It must be your concern for your buddy,” Lila smiled, giving Isaac a quick nod.

“Yeah, I’m just that noble,” Isaac responded, a cheeky grin on his face.

The four of them filed in to the locker room, automatically walking towards Lila, Elise and Grace’s aisle, casually chatting away about their classes.

For once, Grace was already in the locker room, having already secured her morning tea.

“You guys took ages,” she commented with a breezy smile. “Having fun without me?”

“Asher and Lila, maybe,” Isaac snorted. Asher bopped him on the head again, but Lila noticed the undeniable shakiness that accompanied Asher’s arm.

“Are you guys excited for Sunday?” Grace asked, taking a sip of her water.

“Sunday?” Asher asked blankly.

Elise immediately perked up. “Heck yeah I am! I’ve been researching the current museum exhibits, and they all seem very interesting.”

Lila’s heart plummeted. She’d completely forgotten. They’d planned to go to the museum as a group – mostly to try and get Elise and Isaac together, but Grace was also going. Brief lessons at school was hard enough – but spending time together on the weekend?

“Is your partner coming?” Elise asked Grace with a smile. Lila saw Asher’s face drop out of the corner of her eye, but fought to keep her face neutral.

“Nah,” Grace replied, her tone sounding rather calm and collected. “She’s busy then.”

“Aw,” Elise pouted. “But you knew about this for ages! Surely she could’ve figured it out?”

Grace paused, her eyes flickering past Elise’s shoulder as though searching for the right excuse. “It’s a birthday thing for her family.”

“Shouldn’t you be there then?” Elise queried.

“Hold on,” Isaac said, folding his arms. “She? Her?”

Grace and Elise both stared at Isaac with wide, round eyes.

“Shit,” Elise whispered.

“It’s okay,” Grace said quickly, patting Elise on the shoulder. “I slipped up.”

Grace then sighed, readjusting her posture so that it was stick-straight. “Yes, my partner’s a she.”

“Aw man,” Isaac placed a hand on his hip, the other in his hair. “I kinda thought Asher and I finally wouldn’t be outnumbered, when we do end up hanging out as a big group.”

“You were thinking about that?” Lila blinked in surprise.

“Well, yeah,” Isaac shrugged. “It gets tiring, being outnumbered all the time. At least if it’s even, we can leave you guys to whatever witchy gossip you’ve got going on.” He waggled his fingers as though he was casting a spell for emphasis. Elise and Lila snorted.

“Now that you’ve brought it up, I’m glad you guys are outnumbered,” Elise snickered.

“Hey, I didn’t know anything about Grace’s partner! At least with guys, we can bond about anything guy-related without there being this big hullabaloo about it.”

“Hullabalo? I didn’t know you were possessed by an old-timey soul,” Lila chortled.

“Maybe I am. All those deaths around the world over the years, someone’s gotta be haunted,” Isaac huffed. “I’m just a delicious victim.”

“Enticement for ghosts aside, we’ve gotta go,” Asher interjected, looking intently at Lila. She nodded, immediately ceasing the conversation. Everyone else exchanged a look before scattering, except for Grace who continued to hang around where they’d left her. Lila shoved her things in her locker and retrieved her morning tea before heading to where Grace was. Lila inhaled deeply, hoping the act alone would suffice to assist her in acting normally.

“Did the Naprogesic work?” Grace asked upon Lila’s return.

“Y-Yeah,” Lila said, hoping her tone would convince Grace enough to not ask any follow ups.

“You need to drink more water,” Grace’s tone, as always, was warm – encouraging.

“I will,” Lila replied, pressing her lips together. Was Asher done with putting his stuff away yet?

Grace eyed Lila with a sigh. “Lila, something feels really off with you. Are you sure it’s just your period? You’re acting… odd.”

Lila cringed. Pretending to be normal with Grace was so much harder than she’d anticipated.

“Like I said, Asher and I got into a fight.”

“You’re still worried about that? Have you told him it’s still weighing on you?”

“No,” Lila mumbled. Of course she hadn’t – because she wasn’t worried about it. Even if she had been before seeing Grace and Ms Alexander yesterday, it was nothing compared to the worries she now had.

“You really should tell Asher-”

“Tell me what?”

Lila’s relief at seeing Asher, his hands full of morning tea, was immeasurable. She immediately went to his side, holding on to his arm.

“It’s nothing,” she smiled. “See you later, Grace!”

“Lila, you really-”

“Bye!”

She started pushing Asher towards the exit and he stumbled that way, saying goodbye to Grace as well.

Once they passed through the doors, Asher turned to Lila, confusion plain across his face.

“What do you need to tell me?”

Lila sighed, gesturing for Asher to head down the path towards the STEM area. They began walking that way as Lila tried to formulate her response.

“I… ended up lying to Grace and Elise yesterday. About why I was acting weird in class. I said that you and I got into a disagreement and even though we resolved it, I was still bothered about the fact that we’d disagreed.”

“Good excuse, but… well, I know that shit wouldn’t fly with Isaac if I said something like that. He’d hound me about it. Not that I can’t fend him off, mind you. He kept telling me to tell you that I like you, and then when Theo asked you out on a date, it steadily got worse. But anyway, Grace is a close friend. It’s no wonder Grace is concerned about you talking to me about it.”

“I know, but what else could I even say? I mean, today I said I had period pain and she gave me medicine. I haven’t gotten it just yet, so it’s going to be awkward when I do and I need medicine.”

An awkward expression flitted across Asher’s face.

“What’s with that look?” Lila queried.

“It’s nothing. Just… well, not really used to, uh, period talk.”

Lila stopped herself from asking why. Considering how soon into their relationship Holly got pregnant, she probably hardly mentioned anything about them to Asher.

“Sorry,” Lila uttered, now feeling very awkward as well. Had that been too personal to tell him? She’d gotten used to the idea that they could tell each other anything. Were periods off limits?

“Don’t be,” Asher replied. “I mean… it’s something that happens to you.”

“I… guess so.”

“Plus, uh, I did say we could talk to each other about anything. That fits under ‘anything’.”

Lila didn’t know how to respond, besides by giving Asher a nod. The uncomfortable silence between them continued until it was interrupted by their arrival at the lab. Like Monday, it was relatively quiet this morning tea.

“So, looks like we wait,” Asher sighed, pointing out a spare grassy patch just in front of the door to the lab. Lila shook her head.

“Over here’s better,” she said, pointing to an alternative diagonally across from the door, with a group or two of lounging students in between. “We have to watch first.”

“We’re not going to follow them straight away?” His voice was low, his eyes darting to either side of him.

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

“No. And even if we were, sitting basically right outside the door is too obvious. From this angle, we can see the door, and where they go, plus we’ve got coverage in between us,” Lila replied, her voice also quiet. He nodded, leading the way to the spot she identified.

They both sat across from each other, with Lila ensuring she could keep an eye on the door from her peripheral vision. From Asher’s vantage point, Lila assumed that he’d be able to see down the walkway past the labs and back to the main nexus of the STEM area, along with the break in the buildings towards the carpark.

She pulled her banana out from her pocket and immediately began peeling it.

“So… how long are going to keep coming back here?” Asher asked, peeling his mandarin.

“How ever long it takes,” Lila smiled. “At the very least, expect us to be here for the rest of this week. We still haven’t established a pattern – though we did establish that they could break the pattern that we thought they had before, and that Jake and Zack had previously done so.”

Asher exhaled deeply, shaking his head. “It makes sense, but I wish it wasn’t such a waiting game.”

“Hey, cops do stakeouts for hours on end. At least here, morning tea and lunch is about half an hour each.”

Asher opened his mouth, as if to reply, when the door to the lab opened. Lila and Asher both craned their necks so they could see what was happening.

Again, it was Jason who had stepped out. There would be no way for them to hear what he was saying on the phone that was pressed to his ear, so Lila didn’t attempt to even shuffle closer. For now, they just needed to see if he would go somewhere, or call his lackeys to do something for him.

He casually walked down the walkway, towards the opening where the food runners came through after their jaunt to the carpark.

Lila and Asher exchanged a glance.

“It’ll look suspicious if I keep looking behind me,” Lila murmured.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got it,” Asher replied with a smile. “Not my first rodeo.”

Lila bit back a laugh at the imagery of Asher in cowboy attire on the back of a horse.

She began to bite into her banana, attempting to pull up her mental map of what was down that way. Between this block of labs and the next was the opening connected to the lawns, which connected to the carpark. Was there a secluded area around there?

As she pondered this, Asher sat up.

“He’s back,” he whispered. “Looking very chuffed.”

She looked towards the door of the lab, waiting for Jason to naturally come into her view again. Asher was right. He looked pretty chuffed, with the confident way he strode into the lab.

“Wonder if someone will leave,” Lila muttered.

They continued to sit, picking at their food, for several minutes. There wasn’t any movement, which made Lila feel slightly nervous. Had Jason just taken a personal call?

“Nothing?” Asher queried, taking a sip of water.

“Nothing,” Lila sighed.

“We might see something at lunch,” Asher said, his tone measured. “We’ve both got LOTE classes before lunch, so I’ll take our lunches with me there. That way we can just come straight here.”

“Sounds like a good idea.”

“I try to have a couple every now and then.”

She laughed and he grinned at her, his eyes twinkling.

“We should start heading back,” Asher said after a few moments. Lila reluctantly stood and they made their way back at a snail’s pace. She couldn’t help but feel as though the moment they left, a deal was probably going to go down.

But… they were only trying to establish a pattern for the moment. Even if a deal was going on, she wouldn’t be able to follow them and check. Trying to slow down was more difficult than she’d expected, it seemed.

“Well, that’s one visit down,” Lila muttered, stretching her arms above her head.

“And another to go…” Asher trailed off, looking thoughtful. “You sure you don’t want to send me in and get it over and done with?”

Lila snorted. “And what, I’m supposed to send photos of you to my Dad?”

“He won’t know it’s me if you take it from the back.”

“Asher, I don’t know if you know how PIs work, but they’re generally pretty observant. I would presume he committed you to memory the moment you first visited my house.”

“You reckon?”

“Well… he's always tried to teach me how to observe people. Says it’s safer that way, in case someone wants to harm me or something.”

“That sounds serious. Are you secretly a spy?”

Lila laughed. “A spy? Asher, I didn’t notice Piper taking photos of me outside your house. If I was a spy, I should be fired.”

Asher gave her a hearty laugh, pulling her closer.

“Good advice from your Dad, though,” Asher added approvingly. “But I guess I’ll reluctantly agree that getting pictures of me would be bad. Even if being a mole sounds cool.”

She chuckled and they fell into step with each other, his arm slung around her shoulder. To think, he was already so comfortable with light touches such as these… as much as she wanted to lean into him, her eyes spotted something she couldn’t ignore.

“Asher,” Lila looked up at him and he smiled down at her.

“Yes?”

“I see a rather angry Isaac crouching behind the bin over there.”

Asher turned, looking at said bin, which jolted Isaac into standing.

“What, I can’t put my arm around Lila like this?” Asher asked as Isaac sheepishly made his way towards them.

“Should be fine,” Isaac reluctantly grumbled.

“I told you she’d spot you,” Elise sighed, emerging from an alleyway just behind Lila and Asher, making them both jump. “You're too obvious.”

Isaac hung his head low and Elise giggled. Lila was glad to see that they were getting along. Her hopes that they’d get together were certainly rising.

They walked in to the locker room together, with Elise wrapping her arm around Lila’s.

“Where’s Grace?” Lila asked once they reached the aisle with Lila, Grace, and Elise’s lockers.

Elise shrugged. “She said she’s been a bit busier with rehearsals for the musical that’s coming up.”

Lila’s blood ran cold. She tried to keep her face neutral. “I see.”

“See you guys later,” Elise said, turning around to wave at Isaac and Asher. They returned the wave and headed off to their lockers.

Lila assembled herself for her next classes with a small sigh. Maybe Grace actually was rehearsing… she didn’t need to be quite so suspicious of Grace. But, despite that, Lila couldn't help but think otherwise.

Lila and Elise slowly walked to PC, both rather subdued now that the boys had left.

“How was morning tea with Isaac, then?” Lila asked after they reached their classroom.

“Fine,” Elise murmured.

“That doesn’t sound fine,” Lila replied, glancing at Elise. “You were giggling with him just now.”

“It’s easy to,” Elise said quietly.

“What’s your progress with him?” Lila queried seriously, opening the door for Elise. Ms Wang and a couple other classmates were already inside, though no one paid attention to them as they sat down.

Elise blushed, her hands twisting together atop the table. “Same as before.”

Lila sighed, nudging her gently. “What’s stopping you?”

Elise averted her gaze, looking down at her hands. “I… I don’t think he likes me like that.”

“What makes you think that? Have you asked him?”

“No…”

“So, what then?”

“He… uh, just gives me vibes.”

Lila raised an eyebrow. “Vibes?”

Elise looked increasingly uncomfortable. “I… just don’t think he likes me,” she repeated.

Lila reached out a hand to Elise’s which were still clasped together. “Elise, being scared is fine. I was scared for a while. But you don’t know until you know, you know?”

Elise’s response was interrupted by the presence of a panting, sweaty Grace who threw her bag down on the table.

“Gee, Grace, do rehearsals include a marathon?” Elise blinked, moving aside slightly to give Grace more room.

“Almost,” Grace replied, gulping in more air.

Lila’s encouragement of Elise to tell Isaac her feelings immediately died in her throat. She pulled her Japanese materials to her, looking at her latest list of kanji to remember in an effort to seem busy.

“Did you talk to Asher?” Grace whispered after the roll was taken and free time was announced.

“Yup,” Lila replied shortly.

“It doesn’t seem like it went well,” Grace pressed.

“They were fine just before,” Elise interjected with a slight frown. “Lovey-dovey on the way to the locker room.”

“Oh. Then-”

“I have a mock exam next for Jap, sorry,” Lila cut Grace off with an apologetic smile.

Grace fell silent, her face downcast. Lila caught sight of Elise looking between them both, her confusion evident, but Elise didn’t say anything.

The remainder of PC was soured by Lila’s shutdown of Grace, but she tried to push through. Her oppressive worry about Grace – especially after Asher’s comment about her being groomed – was making it hard to think. She couldn’t get into it with Grace, with this looming persistent anxiety overhead.

Lila knew, reluctantly, that her behaviour was something that Grace undoubtedly noticed – and was likely hurt by. But Lila couldn’t even think of an excuse that would take Grace’s hurt away while she tried to adjust to her new knowledge.

Once class was over, Lila packed up as quickly as possible and left with a grimace. She could only hope that Grace would understand one day – once Lila was brave enough and able to talk to her about it.

Japanese passed without a mock exam, but instead preparation for one in the following lesson. It distracted Lila enough from her guilt momentarily, but once it was over it came back in full force.

Asher was standing outside her classroom, their lunch in his hands and a smile on his face. For some reason, she felt as though she wanted to cry, even though seeing him ordinarily made her happy.

“Ready for lunch?” he asked, his voice warm and gentle. She collected his lunchbox with a nod and quivering lip.

“You don’t seem okay. What’s wrong?” Asher’s smile dropped and he gently held her by the shoulders. She shook her head. Talking about it would definitely make her tears overflow.

He stood there for a moment, seeming unsure about what to do. Then, he took her free hand and began walking towards the labs.

“Let’s sit down,” he murmured. She nodded, though she wasn’t sure he saw it.

She was glad that they had headed straight to the lab, rather than stopping by the locker room first, as the spot they had sat in that morning was free again. As they sat down, Lila could see the flow of students starting to increase, though none seemed willing to enter the lab itself.

She opened her lunchbox in silence, finding a chicken wrap, salad and pieces of fruit within. She could see from her peripheral vision that Asher would look at her every now and then as they wordlessly ate, his concern glaringly obvious.

Lila tried to concentrate on monitoring the lab, which led to her eating twice as slowly. There weren’t many movements, aside from the occasional appearance of the food runners, or a student here and there – likely picking up an order or placing one. None of the key players left, at least, by the time she finally finished her lunch.

Asher was staring off in the distance, looking towards the road to the carpark, when Lila zipped up her lunchbox. He gave her a sideways glance before sitting up with a slight smile.

“How was the food?”

“Great, as usual,” Lila replied, looking back down at her closed lunchbox.

“I’ll pass the compliment along to the chef.”

“Thanks,” Lila uttered with a half-smile. Asher sighed. He reached over and gently tilted her head up with a finger so that she was forced to look at him.

“Lila, what’s wrong?”

His eyes were like liquid gold with the way the sun was falling across them. The tears she’d been holding back began to form once again.

“It’s… really hard, facing Grace,” she whispered, breaking eye contact and looking past his shoulder towards the lab.

“Ah,” he breathed, leaning back on his hands. “I understand.”

A tear slid down her face, which she hurriedly wiped away. “She… she’s really concerned about me. I just don’t know what to say to her anymore. I feel like… if I open my mouth, it’ll just come tumbling out. I won’t be able to stop myself. And… it’s just not the right time. It’s so new, and shocking, and… I don’t want to hurt her, but I know I am.”

“I know it’s not the same thing,” Asher said quietly, “but it was hard for me when Isaac told me about his betting debt. It’s not as though I thought any less of him, but it was just hard to reconcile and wrap my head around. Part of it was because I thought he should’ve told me much earlier. Another part of it was because I realised that was hypocritical of me. And… the final part was feeling like I was a dumbass for not noticing. I don’t really know if any of that applies here, but… it was much easier, knowing you were there for me. Even though I didn’t tell you right away, as soon as I did, a weight got lifted from my shoulders. Much more than I thought I had to begin with.”

Lila nodded slowly. “It’s kinda similar, in some parts. But this… this is big. Not to say 3k of debt isn’t big.”

“I know. It’s hard for me to grasp, especially since Grace has always seemed so… I don’t know if level-headed is the right word, but she’s at least seemed really reasonable. But I can’t imagine what it’s like for you, as she’s one of your closest friends. As a consequence of that, though, of course she’s picking up on the fact that your attitude to her has changed.”

“I don’t want it to,” Lila whispered. “I don’t know what to do, though.”

“I know,” Asher repeated. “I’d be surprised if you did. It’s not really like this has happened to you before.”

“Definitely not that I know of.”

Asher paused before he frowned and said, “I don’t know what you could say or do about Grace in the meantime… unless you want to make up more fights between us?”

Another half-smile flashed across her face. “No thanks. I don’t want her to hate you forever.”

“That does seem like a bad idea,” he conceded, his expression thoughtful. He turned to look behind him, towards the lab door, before looking back at Lila. “No movements?”

“None,” Lila sighed. “I’m starting to think that maybe we’re just making this whole thing up.”

“We’re not,” Asher replied firmly. “Maybe they just don’t do deals every day.”

Lila pressed her lips together before sighing again. “That would make sense.”

He checked the time on his phone. “Definitely seems like they don’t do deals every day. It’s time to start heading back.”

Lila pouted but stood all the same. “Feels like a waste.”

“Well, if it’s true that they don’t do deals every day, then perhaps that’s something valuable we’ve learned,” Asher said reasonably, standing as well.

They made their way back to the locker room, with Lila still pondering this turn of events. If they didn’t do deals every day, then was it on a schedule? And if it was on a schedule, would that not be risky? What was Jason’s phone call this morning about? Why did it make him so chuffed, if it wasn’t related to the drugs?

“Do you feel better, at least?” Asher eventually asked, slowing their approach to the locker room doors. Lila shrugged.

“I think the only thing that will make me feel better entirely is if I get it over with, or let time pass,” she said quietly, leaning her head on his shoulder.

“Alright. Well, we have Study this afternoon. If you want, we can talk some more then. Hopefully, we can come up with something.”

“I’d appreciate that.”

He smiled down at her before opening the door. Lila cast a quick glance around and was glad to see that Grace wasn’t here just yet. Neither, it seemed, was Elise or Isaac, which suited Lila just as well. While Lila was avoiding Grace, rather than Elise, Elise would surely pick up on it soon, if she hadn’t already.

She parted ways with Asher, already wishing that they were together again. Aside from being invested in finding out the secrets of the morphine ring, she really did enjoy his company.

Design was more of the same, though drafts were starting to be due. The stress that Term 3 always brought was beginning to pile on, far earlier than usual. It was the last term that really counted for things like ranks for awards and the like – which normally didn’t bother Lila, since her marks were never close for an award. But… surely Asher was starting to feel the pressure?

Should she scale back his involvement in the investigation? Whilst it was helpful, she could probably do most of it on her own – since all they were doing was watching and waiting, anyway.

She was still teetering on the edge of asking Asher for his thoughts on the matter as she left Design, her feet already taking her to the library.

“Leaving without me?”

Lila blinked, looking for the source of the question. Asher was just ahead of her, his face bright with a cheeky grin.

“I didn’t see you there,” Lila replied sheepishly.

“I would’ve thought you’d be looking out for me wherever you went,” his tone was playful as he held out an arm for her to take.

“I do,” Lila said, clutching at his blazer. “Normally.”

“So, what’s abnormal now?”

“The fact that you’re here when you shouldn’t be.”

He laughed. “I guess that’s true, but you did give me your timetable.”

“I know, but your Physics class is so much closer to the library than Design.”

“True, but getting to see you sooner makes it hard to notice things like distance.”

Lila’s heart skipped a beat, her face feeling warm against the cold battering against it. Would she ever get used to him saying things like that?

She glanced up at him, surprised to find that his face was rather pink, his eyes avoiding her gaze entirely. Was he shy again? She gently squeezed his arm and he looked back down at her.

“What’s up?” he queried, his voice slightly strained.

She smiled. “What’s up with you?”

“Me? Nothing.”

“You seem like you’re shy.”

“I’m not.”

She raised an eyebrow at him and he sighed.

“Fine. You caught me. I… just can’t seem to get used to the fact that I can just… say what’s on my mind like that. I guess I just get a bit worried that you’ll tell me off again.”

“Tell you off again?”

He fell silent for a moment before bashfully rubbing the back of his neck. “Well… I’d say a bit too much, and you’d ask me to stop… playing with your heart, essentially. Before we started dating.”

Lila’s breath caught in her throat and she shook his arm, causing him to stop. “T-That was then, this is now. I lo- like hearing you say those things.”

He stared at her. “Sorry?”

Had he caught what she was about to say? It had almost slipped out – that she loved hearing him say those things. It wasn’t a lie – but… perhaps it was too early to toss around the word ‘love’ like that. At least, she really really liked Asher, but love? As in… being in love? It was a scary word – one that Lila had heard him say, when he was with Holly and about Holly. But he’d recently taken that back… right?

She took a deep breath. “I like hearing you say those things. Always have, even before we started dating. But it made me feel too hopeful – which… wasn’t good for me, since you didn’t want to date back then. But now we are, so… say what you want.”

His face turned a deeper shade of red as he nodded stiffly. “Alright. I will.”

“Within reason.”

He blinked at her and she gave him a meaningful look back. If his head could swell to the size of a balloon and fly off, she imagined that it would be in this moment.

“Y-Yeah, I… I’ll keep it reasonable,” he managed to get out after clearing his throat.

“Good.”

They continued along their journey to the library and signed in as usual. Lila cast her usual glance in the direction that Ayla tended to sit, and saw, once more, that Ayla was absent. Had she changed schools without telling anyone?

“Uh, I… kinda have to actually study for a bit,” Asher said awkwardly as they set up their various materials. “O-Only for a bit. I know I promised we’d talk about what to do with the whole Grace situation.”

“That’s okay,” Lila smiled reassuringly. “I did have a question, though.”

“About?”

“Well… I know that schoolwork is getting more intense. And I know that you’re still studious… so I was wondering if you wanted me to just do the investigation on my own. So you can concentrate.”

He stared at her, jaw agape, like she’d just confessed she was actually a cat in disguise as a human.

“Huh?” he uttered.

“W-Well, I just… don’t want to distract you more than necessary. Since I know you… well, you kinda want to keep gunning for Dux. For your Mum, and yourself.”

He slowly closed his eyes, pressing his fingers against his temples. “Lila, I’ve told you before that I only go for things I have a fair shot of winning.”

“I know, but you also overwork yourself.”

His eyelids flew open, meeting her eyes for just a split second before looking back down at his laptop. “That’s true.”

“And I don’t want to overwork you if I could just do it myself-”

“Lila, I don’t know whether or not you’re thinking this suggestion through,” he said, his voice grave.

“What do you mean?”

“What do I- Lila, this is a bunch of Grade 12s we’re talking about. Jocks, mainly, plus the Head Boy. If they find out that you’re sniffing around, and I’m not there to protect you, who knows what would happen?”

“What, you think they’d be violent?”

He held her gaze with a grim expression. “Who knows?”

Lila shivered, folding her arms against her chest. “Surely not.”

“Drugs are funny, Lila. If you threaten something someone’s addicted to, you don’t know how they’ll react. Maybe it would be fine, but maybe it wouldn’t. If you want to stop the investigation on my account, that’s fine, I guess, but don’t do it on your own. Please.”

He paused before shaking his head. “Actually, it’s not fine. We’ve already started. We need to keep going, especially since the school’s probably going to sanction the Banker, and everything’s going to change. Plus, this involves our Dads, the Hospital, and countless people – victims, really.”

“I can’t disagree,” Lila sighed reluctantly. “I just… don’t want you to sacrifice your grades. Since it’s important to you, and you work really hard.”

“I do,” Asher replied, “but even with the craziness of this whole year, my grades haven’t slipped at all. Part of that comes from me knowing when I need to actually study… which…” he gave her an apologetic look and she waved at him to go ahead.

“Thanks,” he said bashfully, placing his earphones in his ears. Lila got stuck into her own schoolwork for once, looking up every so often to take in Asher’s focused expression, for about half an hour. Then, with a long-suffering sigh, Asher took his earphones out and closed his laptop. He gave her a weary smile.

“I just wanted to tidy up my draft,” he explained. “I’ve sent it in now.”

“I’m sure you did great.”

“We’ll see what happens when Mr Singh gets back to me.” He gave her another smile. “So, Grace.”

Lila closed her laptop, suddenly unsure if she wanted to continue their conversation about Grace.

“You can blame me,” Asher said simply.

She wrinkled her brow in confusion. “For?”

“Well, if she asks why you’re avoiding her, you can say that you’re not. You’re just trying to focus on schoolwork since I’m forcing you to. Which means you can’t really spend your time chatting.”

“You are?”

He chuckled. “No. I’m not. I told you before that I care about my grades, but yours doesn’t matter to me. At least, it matters to me that you’re happy with your grades and efforts, and I’ll help you where I can, but otherwise, it doesn’t bother me.”

“Do you really think that’ll work?”

“Probably not in the long term,” he shrugged. “Short term, it should.”

Lila shifted awkwardly. “I’ve never been so studious. I think she’ll clock on that it’s bullshit.”

“The drawback to this method is that you’ll have to actually be studious around her, yes. But you’ve never dated me before. And no one at this school has, either. Who knows, maybe I’m just a hard-ass that needs his girlfriend to be on par with him grades-wise?” His eyes twinkled as he said this, clearly amused by the idea.

“I guess I can try it,” Lila murmured. “It won’t feel good, to lie to her like that, but… there’s nothing else I can do for now.”

“I know.”

Lila continued to mull over this for a few moments before sighing in defeat. It was the best plan that they had so far, and she couldn’t think of any others.

“If you think of something better, by all means,” Asher added seriously. “I won’t be offended if you don’t end up doing that.”

“I don’t have anything better at the moment. Thanks for the suggestion.”

He inclined his head with another smile. As she smiled back, her mind intrusively reminded her of what she’d wanted to ask about yesterday. Was… now the right time?

She’d been so brave recently, ever since that vulnerable conversation over the weekend, but now that the moment that her question came up in had long passed, she wasn’t sure whether she should ask.

“You seem bothered by something,” Asher observed, placing his head in his right hand, his elbow against the table. “What’s up?”

“Well… I’ve been thinking, about what you said yesterday.”

“I said a lot of things,” Asher said with a nod. “What in particular?”

“… Uh, it’s about what you said. Um, about love.”

“Love?” He sat back, his expression surprised. “I don’t remember-”

“When I said that Grace and her partner said they love each other, you said something like… you thought you knew what it was, until you opened your eyes.”

He slowly looked at Lila before rubbing his forehead. “Guess I did.”

“So… I-I was just curious. What did you mean by that?”

“I… don’t know if I want to get into it, to be honest,” he said quietly, putting both of his hands in his hair and staring directly at the desk.

“Oh. It’s fine-”

“It’s not because I don’t want to answer your question. But… I guess I haven’t figured it out myself. So I don’t want to misspeak.”

“Oh.”

They both remained silent for a few seconds before Asher roughed up his hair and sat up, his eye contact with her now rather intense. She wanted to shrink away from it, but at the same time, her curiosity kept her pinned in this state of limbo as he continued to say nothing.

Then, he spoke. “You were there, when I said I loved Holly in the locker room,” he said, his face scrunched in disdain. “When I was telling Piper off.”

“I was.”

He closed his eyes, now rubbing his eyebrows. “I had thought, back then, that I did love Holly. That I was in love with her, in fact. But I was kidding myself.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means…” he looked frustrated now, his eyes fixated again on the desk. “Essentially, I was trying to force it.”

“Force it?”

He grimaced. “I’ve told you a few times that I still liked you when I was dating Holly. I was in denial about it, for a long time – especially then. Essentially, if I told myself that I loved her, then one day it would be true and I’d forget about you in that way. But before that ever happened, I found out she’d been cheating on me.”

“Oh.”

“And… I dunno, I think… if you think you’re gonna be in love with someone or love them, then you should feel comfortable telling them anything and everything. Maybe that’s just me, but I definitely don’t think I ever loved Holly. If I did, then I would’ve told her about my Mum.”

Lila’s eyebrow twitched. Did that mean he loved Lila?

As if he’d caught on in the same instant, his face turned red and he immediately spoke again. “B‑But there’s more that goes into it, I’m sure. It… not that I don’t like you… but it’s a bit early, i-if you think it is. I mean, we just started dating, so it’s not like-”

“It’s okay. You don’t need to get twisted up into knots. I know what you mean.”

“You… do?”

“Yeah. It is a bit early. I… don’t know if I know what love is just yet, and I don’t want to freak you out by… getting into it too early. I really like you, though. Have for a while. Beyond friends. I’m not taking that back or anything.”

He seemed relieved. Lila tried not to interpret that negatively. He reached out and tenderly squeezed her right hand.

“I really like you too, Lila.”

They shared another smile before Asher checked the time on his phone.

“Study’ll be over soon. We should probably start packing up,” he said with an air of disappointment.

They did so, spending the remainder of Study afterwards talking about their upcoming assessments. Once time had ticked over to the end of the day, they immediately began their journey to the locker room.

Now a usual activity, Asher reappeared beside her, hat on his head and bags slung over his shoulders, waiting for her to grab her things. She did so and they strolled to the bus station, with Lila still thinking about their conversation. He’d seemed so convinced at one point that he loved Holly – so to hear that he now thought that was fake made Lila nervous. Would he one day think the same about her?

‘Don’t be an idiot. He doesn’t love you just yet, so it’s not like you need to worry about that,’ she told herself firmly.

“Dollar for your thoughts?” he queried as the bus station came into view.

“Don’t have any,” Lila replied quickly. Though she was comfortable telling Asher most things, ‘love’ and its intense meaning seemed… just a touch too vulnerable for now. Besides, there wasn’t anything wrong with being careful with her heart. She still hardly knew him as her boyfriend, after all.

“Well, I’ve got several dollars if you’d like to share,” he offered with a light-hearted grin, “since you look very tense over there.”

“I do?”

He inclined his head with a smile. “A lot’s been going on today, so it’s to be expected- why’s Daniel marching over here?”

Lila looked up and saw that Daniel was, indeed, marching towards them, his face incredibly anxious.

“What’s up?” Lila asked, her eyes drifting to an unfamiliar teacher conducting the hat checks.

“The Headmaster’s called a meeting tomorrow afternoon with Mum and Dad and me,” Daniel said, his tone wavering with nerves.

“You’ll be fine,” Lila replied automatically. “What’s another meeting when you’ve already had one?”

“I guess… but he also said that that’s when he’d tell me what his decision is.”

“Heavy meeting,” Asher nodded. “Like Lila said though, you’ll be fine. It’s good that you told your parents on the weekend – it’s not like it’ll be sprung on them, either.”

Daniel sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I… guess.”

“Something had to give,” Lila said sensibly. “I know it’s a bit nerve-wracking now, but this will pass.”

Daniel sighed again, this time more forcefully. “I know… thanks for the reminder, sis.”

“If you wanna talk some more when we get home, just let me know,” Lila smiled. “The bus is almost here.”

“I’ll be right. Just… want to be alone for a bit.”

“If that’s what you want.”

Daniel turned on his heel and walked back to the bus stop, his hands still in his pockets. Asher gave a low whistle, shaking his head.

“You’re right, something had to give. But you really gotta feel for the kid,” he said in a low voice.

“It’s not an enviable position,” Lila concurred. “I’m kinda glad, though. After all this, I doubt you could say that he doesn’t know the meaning of responsibility.”

“That’s true.”

They continued on, past the teacher, to the bus stop at the end of the station. It suddenly occurred to Lila, as they waited for the bus, that they hadn’t kissed today. She’d been so distracted by other things and now that the day was at an end, she felt slightly aggrieved.

Just when she thought this, she felt Asher lightly touch the small of her back. She looked up at him, seeing that his face was pink.

“It doesn’t feel right to say goodbye without a kiss,” he said in a tentative voice.

“It doesn’t,” Lila agreed, a smile brightening her face. “Not anymore, anyway.”

He chuckled, reaching down to touch her face. She placed a hand on his, and they shared a short, sweet kiss before they heard the sound of dry retching. Lila turned around and saw Daniel, his hands on his knees and making exaggerated gagging sounds to the amusement of his snickering friends.

“Not the most romantic background music,” Asher smirked, squeezing her hand. She returned the squeeze, tempted to go for another kiss, when her bus screeched to a halt beside them.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said despondently.

“See you then. English first up,” he responded, squeezing her hand again. He slipped out of her grasp and took a couple steps back, avoiding the crowd that was starting to climb the bus steps.

“Bye,” she said softly, waving before turning towards the bus and boarding it. She made her way to her usual seat, keeping her eyes on Asher through the window. He remained there until the bus began to move away, his expression looking downcast. She wished that he wouldn’t look so sad when they parted at the end of the day. But, as she caught her expression in the window, she realised that she looked the exact same.