Chapter One Hundred and Sixteen

Today was a day where Lila didn’t see Asher until lunch. He hadn’t swung by to see Lila, Elise, and Grace at morning tea, but Lila figured that, now that he was going over to Lila’s place in case he needed to help Daniel explain to their parents the Banker situation, he was either figuring out what to prepare or taking even more time with the remaining teachers to ensure their full support.

While she’d started the day in a decidedly good mood, which continued into today’s petri dish experiment regarding viral infections in Biology, now that it was lunchtime, doubt started to set in. With an overthinker like Asher, he might have changed his mind about kissing her…

Sighing, she softly closed her locker door. Since none of her friends or Asher had arrived just yet, she was finally left utterly alone with her thoughts. It wasn’t lost on her that she, too, was an overthinker – so being alone wasn’t necessarily a good thing.

Truthfully, going to sleep last night had been a battle – one that she’d very nearly lost. Her mind and heart had been racing in tandem, as though competing to see which was faster, as her senses were flooded with the feeling of their intense, passionate kiss on his couch. She was grateful for having been able to experience something like that with him, but she couldn’t hide her disappointment at Asher’s request to cut it short.

She grazed her lips with her finger absently, the touch bringing her memories into sharper focus. Yes… she wanted more, as much as he could give her. And, along with it, she wanted to explore his body in its entirety, particularly what she’d felt hiding away in his pants…

As she recognised exactly where her thoughts had led, she brought her face into both of her palms, the heat from her cheeks almost searing them, her breath unsteady once more. Did she need to splash water on her face again? She hadn’t imagined a scenario where her wild, lewd thoughts could get worse, but here she was, panicking as she tried to fight them off – whilst simultaneously wishing she didn’t feel the need to.

“Everything okay?”

Lila jumped, her instinctive shriek dying in her throat as she caught sight of Asher’s concerned expression. She brought her trembling hands to her ponytail, pulling it to the side, and starting to comb through the ends, trying to find the words to articulate what was happening inside her mind.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to spook you,” Asher said earnestly, shuffling backwards slightly.

“It’s okay,” Lila replied softly, her eyes wandering to the slight bulge in his pants. It was definitely smaller than what she’d felt yesterday, and the realisation began to set off her curiosity once again. She coughed slightly as she also realised that staring at it would surely be both obvious and exceedingly uncomfortable, given their conversation yesterday, and she forced herself to look down at the ground between them.

“Anyone else here yet?” Asher asked. Lila shook her head ‘no’ in response.

“Do you reckon they’d wait around for us all lunch if we just headed off now?” he queried. Lila attempted to shrug but was interrupted by the loud, confident voice of Isaac.

“Hell yeah we would,” Isaac said, causing Lila to look up at him. He was puffing out his chest in what seemed to be for comedic effect, and she gave him a pity laugh for his efforts.

“Would what?” came the inquisitive voice of Elise, who stepped past the trio with a singular backwards glance.

“Wait for Asher and Lila all lunch if they just went off and did their own thing before we showed up,” Isaac clarified.

“Ah. Well, I’d probably just message Lila or get the hint after a few minutes and leave,” Elise stated plainly as she shoved her bags into her locker and selected her lunch.

“Lame,” Isaac replied loftily.

“I distinctly feel as though waiting around for half an hour or more for people who weren’t going to show up is even more lame,” Elise called, slamming her locker shut.

Lila chuckled as Isaac and Elise began to squabble amongst themselves about what was actually lame in this scenario. Asher smiled down at her.

“C’mon, let’s head off,” he said in a low voice, handing her a lunchbox.

She nodded, waving goodbye to Elise and Isaac before holding Asher’s hand with her free one. They slowly walked away from the locker room, heading in the direction of their usual lunch spot when Asher paused. They had reached a fork in their path – one side leading to the library, the other to the Home Ec building. A tiny part of her hoped he’d decide on the library for more seclusion, but she figured that he’d pick the Home Ec building after yesterday.

Instead, he continued to stand there, looking left and right like he was watching a tennis rally. Was he having trouble making up his mind?

“Everything okay?” Lila asked, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. He glanced at her before squeezing her hand in return. As he did so, she noticed how slick with sweat his hand was. She didn’t mention it and instead took it as an indication that he was definitely nervous about something. Plus, the lack of a concrete answer didn’t exactly inspire confidence in Lila that everything was okay.

“Let’s sit by the Home Ec building,” she suggested, gesturing down that path. He exhaled deeply before nodding.

“Sounds good,” he said softly, beginning to lead her that way without another second passing. They silently journeyed through the grassed area in front of the Home Ec building, finally settling in their usual spots under the awning.

Unzipping the lunchbox he’d given her revealed a variety of sushi rolls today and she eagerly took a bite of a tuna, cucumber, and mayonnaise one.

As she continued to make her way through her lunch, she kept thinking about Asher’s strange behaviour in getting here. Should she ask?

She gave him an uneasy sideways look, only to find his eyes meeting hers. He gave a heavy sigh, putting down his half-eaten sushi roll.

“Lila, I can tell that you’re bothered,” he said gently, looking down at his forlorn sushi roll.

“Me? About what?” Of course, as she said this, a few things came to mind.

“You want to know why I stopped walking,” he replied simply. There was nothing in his tone or face to suggest that there was any question behind his statement. He just knew.

She lowered her food to her lunchbox too. “Yeah. I was thinking about asking you.”

“I knew it,” he affirmed, propping a knee up and placing his arm across it. “… I can’t stop thinking about it.”

Lila’s heart skipped a beat. “… A-About… what?”

The tips of his ears grew pink before the rest of his face followed with a much deeper hue. “Do I have to say it?”

Lila pressed her lips together as she contemplated his question. He didn’t have to say it, but… she wanted to know what he couldn’t stop thinking about – before she couldn’t stop thinking about it, either.

“Sorry,” he said quickly, shaking his head. “That was a dumb question.”

He poked his mangled sushi roll absently before he looked out towards the lawn, upon which Piper’s circle of friends were assembled – sans Ayla. But Lila didn’t concern herself with Ayla’s absence – that didn’t matter now.

“I… can’t stop thinking about how kissing you feels,” he finally uttered. If Lila hadn’t been hanging on to every word he was saying, she wouldn’t have heard him, with how quietly he said it. A strange pulse thumped within Lila – something more powerful than her stuttering heartbeat. An involuntary shudder flooded down her neck and she stared down at her hands, her mind whirling. What was she feeling?

“Especially… the one where… well, I think you know which kiss I’m talking about,” Asher added, his mouth twitching as if wanting to reenact it.

“I… can’t either,” Lila admitted. “I’ve been thinking about it all day. Specifically…” she paused, wondering if she should really add more detail than that before deciding to continue, “about wanting to do it again.”

She heard Asher’s breath catch in his throat but considered that if she looked at him, she’d try and throw herself into a reenactment. As much as Asher was battling with the fact that he was teetering on the edge of losing control, Lila was not any better – a fact that should’ve made her nervous, just as Asher was, but instead excited her. What would giving in entirely feel like?

The strange pulse returned, bringing with it a lightness to her fingertips and a blush to her cheeks. Was her breathing getting heavy? She hoped not – otherwise, Asher would hear it… and that would be beyond embarrassing.

Just as she finished her thought, her eyes locked onto Asher’s hand, which he raised to tenderly caress her face.

“I’m… really glad that you feel that way. I hate doing this to you all the time, but… I still think we can’t get into it too much. It’s so new and I don’t want to mess it up by going too fast,” he whispered. Her eyes flickered to his. The depth of his sincerity seemed to tinge his eyes with a deeper shade – one that she could get lost in as it suspended her in this moment for far longer than reality allowed.

He broke eye contact with her for just a moment, his eyes instead focusing on her lips. He hadn’t said that he didn’t want to kiss her anymore, so it was surely okay to feel his lips against hers again…

As if he’d reached the same conclusion, Asher closed the distance between them, brushing against her lips as though asking for permission. She responded by pressing her lips to his, and he seemed to accept this as the permission he was seeking.

They broke off for a millisecond before returning just as quickly, somehow simultaneously shuffling even closer to each other. It was as though the rest of the world fell away from beneath Lila, both her stomach and her sense disappearing with it. It was nowhere near as feverish as the kiss she’d been playing on a loop in her mind’s eye, but it was still enjoyable. It seemed to satisfy some measure of her desire, the longer they kept kissing, moving in near-perfect harmony in reaction to the other’s slightest movements.

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At least, that was the case, until she felt Asher’s tongue run along her lower lip, causing a small moan from Lila. He cupped her face, teasing her again and again with his tongue until she relented – allowing it to dance with hers. The desire that she thought had been satisfied reared again within her, stirring a feeling of desperation that needed to break out, and she could feel his own beginning to rise as he deepened the kiss even further.

Just as she was starting to fall into her body taking the reins entirely, he suddenly pulled away from her, his face nearing the shade of vermillion.

“I can’t,” he whispered, his voice trembling with poorly hidden longing. “Besides… we’re at school.”

Lila’s eyes darted over to where Piper’s friends were sitting. She saw a couple return her gaze, and others whispering amongst themselves whilst gesturing towards Asher and Lila. They were most likely talking about how Lila and Asher were kissing so out in the open.

A feeling of shame burst her bubble of happiness at having kissed Asher yet again and she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

“You… didn’t like it?” he queried in a low voice, the anxiety clear in the way that his eyebrows were crinkled.

“I liked it almost too much,” Lila clarified, also in a low voice. “But… well, I think Piper’s friends are gossiping about us now.”

Asher looked relieved as he smiled widely at her. “Let them talk.”

Asher’s unexpected openness to having gossip floating around about them thrilled Lila somehow, as though he was personally encouraging the news that they were dating – and kissing, Lila supposed – to spread, which Lila wholeheartedly agreed with.

There was a distinct air of happiness enveloping Asher as he plucked out his sushi roll and began stuffing his face with the remainder of his lunch, as though their kissing had starved him considerably. Lila smiled as she finished off her lunch as well, now holding tightly onto the feeling of today’s kiss along with yesterday’s.

Once they finished their respective lunches, Asher grew serious – which slightly worried Lila.

“Besides… uh, what I wanted to tell you before,” he began, clearing his throat somewhat awkwardly. “I’ve got another update.”

“About?”

“Daniel.”

Lila sat up straight, her attention even more devoted to Asher than before, if that was even possible. His cheeks seemed to turn a faint pink colour, but perhaps she was imagining that.

“Tomorrow I’m organising a meeting with the Headmaster for some time next week. Hopefully Monday, so we can get it out of the way.”

Lila swallowed harshly as the implication behind his words sank in. “So, it’s at that stage, is it?”

He nodded solemnly. “Sure is. I’ve already told Daniel, so he knows it’s coming up soon. He asked me if I was coming over on Saturday, and I said yeah. Otherwise, he didn’t say anything else.”

Lila sighed, folding her arms across her chest. “He’s nervous.”

“I’d be too. In fact, I probably wouldn’t tell my parents at all, if I were Daniel, ‘cause I’d be too freaked out.”

Lila gave Asher a small smile in return. “He may be an ass that loves exploiting loopholes, but he’s still a good kid overall.”

“Yeah, I reckon so too,” Asher chuckled, looking out over the lawn again. He seemed to catch the eye of a couple people and he tutted.

“Alright, I think we might’ve upset more than a few people with our kissing,” he observed, glancing back at Lila before staring down at his lunchbox. “Let’s escape before they start throwing stones at us or something.”

Lila snorted but heeded his suggestion all the same. Thinking back, now with a clearer head, it was probably a bit too intense of a kiss to be showing people around school.

English immediately followed lunch, though neither Lila nor Asher had time to communicate with one another during it. It seemed as though the English faculty had received a few too many complaints about this term’s poem assignment, and Ms Shard was frantically attempting to rectify it through enhanced examples.

Class ended after a flurry of notes and begrudging participation, and Lila finally exited with Asher in tow.

“Got a STEM class again?” he asked, already taking her hand in his and beginning to massage it.

“Yeah,” she replied with a sigh. “Maths again.”

“Perfect. Let’s go.”

They spoke about their English lesson along the way, hand-in-hand, before moving on to other school-related topics. It helped to distract her from any other thoughts floating around in her mind, and they eventually slowed to a stop by their usual break-off point with no Isaac in sight. Asher took the time to massage her hands, chatting away about a movie he wanted to see with Lila.

It actually reminded her that they had a few plans for the week that Asher was away in Vanuatu that they still hadn’t revisited.

“… the story, at least, seems really compelling-”

“Asher,” Lila interrupted him, looking up into his beaming face. It fell away slightly as he tilted his head in puzzlement at her.

“Lila?”

She suddenly felt bashful, looking back down at the hand still in his grasp. “I… I just remembered that we didn’t end up doing a few things.”

He blinked rapidly at her. “S-Sorry?”

“Over the holidays. We planned to do a few things, but then you went to Vanuatu.”

“Ah,” he replied with a breathy chuckle. “We did.”

“I was thinking… we should probably end up doing them. I mean, I know we can’t necessarily watch the movie in the park, or go to the show, but we could still go to that bookstore or Bounce.”

“They both sound like good choices,” he smiled. “I don’t think I’ve got anything going on next weekend unless you wanted to do something else?”

She wrapped both her arms around his left, hugging it close and halting his massaging altogether. He laughed as he brought his free hand to the top of her head, stroking it tenderly.

“I’ll take it as a yes,” he said, his voice light. “Oh, hey Isaac.”

“Hey Asher and Asher’s girlfriend,” Isaac’s voice caused Lila to lift her head to look at him.

“That’s quite the frown,” Isaac snickered. “Sorry for interrupting whatever you’re doing, but I do have to take him to class.”

Lila sighed, reluctantly releasing Asher. He glanced back at her, his mouth twitching in what seemed to be an attempt to hide an impending smile. He bent down, giving her a quick peck on the lips, which elicited a low whistle from Isaac.

“Y’know, I did hear something in class just now,” Isaac said, looping his arm with Asher’s and beginning to tug him in the direction of the Chem lab.

“What?” Asher asked, glancing back at Lila before looking at Isaac.

“That you two’ve been giving people a show,” Isaac smirked. “Should probably cut that down a bit. At least go somewhere private, yeah?”

“Like where?” Asher frowned. Isaac paused for half a moment before shrugging.

“Beats me. But I’m sure there’s spots no one goes to. C’mon, let’s get going before we get yelled at for being late,” Isaac insisted, pulling Asher with more force. Asher waved goodbye at Lila, which she returned with a slight grin on her face.

‘Somewhere private, huh…’ Lila thought as she headed to Maths. She hadn’t really ever tried to find somewhere private to go to at lunch, besides the library. They could just keep having lunch in a meeting room… though, maybe it was too private.

Today’s Maths lesson was far too theory-heavy for Lila to continue thinking about spots around school she could go to with Asher, which relieved her slightly. Her head could only spin for so long, after all.

Finally, school was over. With a weary sigh, Lila packed her bags and closed her locker. She briefly wondered if Asher had gone home just yet when the answer appeared before her.

“Going home?” he asked, pulling his bag higher on his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Lila smiled, glad to see that he’d apparently thought about her, too.

“Did you want me to walk you to the bus?”

Lila shook her head before stopping herself when she saw how disappointed he looked.

“Actually, that’d be nice. Are you sure you should keep George waiting though?”

Asher grinned at her, seeming touched by her question, and subtly shook his head. “He’s chill, as long as I’m not taking forever. I’ll jog back. Need to keep my fitness up for Saturday, anyway.”

Lila laughed and his eyes appeared to twinkle in response. He held out a hand, and she tried to place hers in it when he dodged her attempt.

“Bags first,” he said politely before adding, “please.”

“You sure? They’re a bit heavy.”

He nodded and she passed them over. He smiled brightly at her, now taking her hand in his. She chuckled.

“You know, it’s a bit unexpected that someone who’s got a maid, personal chef, and driver would want to hold my bags like an indentured servant.”

He seemed to consider this as they began to walk over to the bus station, before settling on an answer.

“Probably is, but at the same time, I can’t help myself. Not to say you’re weak, or anything like that, but I just like feeling important, I suppose. I mean, if you need something from your bags, you’d come to me, right? Plus, I happen to like being gentlemanly.”

Lila paused. Then, she laid her head on his shoulder for a moment. “Asher, you’ve been important to me far before you started holding my bags. You don’t need to feel as though you have to, even if you like being gentlemanly. It’s fine. I promise.”

He was silent for a few seconds before he shook his head. “I just like to see you unburdened, and I keep burdening you with a whole bunch of other things. So, it’s the least I could do.”

“Asher,” Lila sighed. “When are you going to stop being fixated on the idea that you’re burdening me? Even before we started dating, your problems never bothered me. And I’ve placed a lot of problems on your shoulders, too. It’s just how it works, being a team. I’m there for you, just as you’re here for me.”

He looked at her in surprise, before looking at the road they were still traversing. “You’re right… but I just hate the idea that I’ve put something on you that you never asked for.”

“If I ask for it now, would that change things?”

“… no, I’d still feel just as guilty.”

“Then that’s that, I guess.”

“What’s that?”

Lila shrugged. “If nothing I say or do would change your mind or ease your guilt, then you just have to live with it, or change your perspective on it. Either way, I’ll still be here, ready to support you, burden or no burden. Just as I hope you’re here for me, too. And Daniel, I guess.”

Asher snorted before pulling her in to a tight hug – one that constricted her ribs. She gasped for air and he immediately let her go.

“Sorry,” he said earnestly. “I just… never thought, I guess, that there’d be someone who wants to help and support me like you do. There’s Isaac, sure, but… I know letting him in on everything would end up breaking him. And it just feels like I’ve been taking advantage of you, and your willingness to help me, this whole time – not considering whether you’d break, too.”

“If I break, it’s your job to fix me where you can,” Lila winked, intertwining their fingers. “Deal?”

He sighed deeply before giving her a tentative smile. “It’s the least I could do, I suppose.”

“To be clear… I’m not asking you to fix me as like a therapist or anything like that,” Lila added seriously. “More so… being a shoulder to lean on. Turns out your shoulders are very good for that. I’ve learned more than a few times this year that sometimes all you need is someone to listen and support you. The healing… well, that’s more internal, in most cases. Not that I can’t help you along the way, but that’s something only you can act on to change. And… I guess that’s all I’m really asking for from you. Support where you can so I can stand, and I’ll do the same for you.”

He was eerily silent now, his face a carousel of emotions flashing by far too quickly for Lila to catch. Then, his grip on her hand tightened, and he cast a furtive look around them.

“Lila,” he murmured, his tone sounding almost desperate. “Lila, why did you decide to say that at school?”

“Sorry?” She looked deeply into his eyes, confusion plain across her face.

“I just… feel an overwhelming urge to kiss you again. But… like I really mean it… except… well, Mr Morrison’s just over there, checking hats for the buses.”

Lila glanced over his shoulder and saw that Mr Morrison was indeed standing by the bus station, telling off hatless students, or approving those who were appropriately hatted. Lila felt her face heat up as she contemplated just kissing Asher anyway, despite the presence of their Head of Year mere metres away. But, with the grimness of Asher’s expression, she decided not to push it. Besides… just being told that he wanted to kiss her again, like he really meant it, was almost just as satisfying.

They continued, keeping their eyes on Mr Morrison in case he set their sights on them and wanted to tell them off like all their other teachers had thus far. He hardly seemed to have noticed them, likely owing to the fact that their hats were firmly atop their heads, and Asher finally slowed to a halt outside Lila’s usual bus stop.

“Well… I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” Asher said, reluctantly passing her bags back to her.

“Sure will,” Lila smiled, adjusting herself so her bags sat comfortably on her shoulders. His eyes darted behind her towards Mr Morrison before flickering down to her lips.

“Just a quick one won’t hurt,” he whispered, before swiftly kissing her on the lips, tucking some flyaway pieces of hair behind her ear. She returned the kiss, longing for just a second more but he pulled away just as quickly. He gave her a dejected smile, squeezing her shoulder gently.

“Alright, well, get home safe,” he said, backing away so that his eyes remained on her.

“You too, Asher,” Lila smiled, hoping that hers was at least a little more cheerful so that he would at go home even slightly happier. It seemed to work as his smile brightened and he gave her a small wave goodbye before turning and jogging away, ensuring his hand was on his hat so it wouldn’t fly away.