Chapter One Hundred and Six

Wednesday was a day that Lila didn’t see much of Asher for class. This suited Lila just fine, even though she did want to see him. After her talks with Grace, Cecelia, Lucas, Willow and Alice yesterday, Lila felt that she needed time to process. She still wasn’t convinced that she’d be having sex with Asher anytime soon, but it was good to know that each relationship was different.

Of course, whilst it was logical that each relationship was different, hearing about the different timelines comforted Lila somewhat. Elise’s questions had nettled Lila – as though Lila needed a timeline. Finding out that she didn’t seemed to take a load off Lila’s shoulders.

Whilst Lila ate her lunch with Asher that day as planned, her mind wondered if he was thinking about it as much as Lila was. Had it even occurred to him that perhaps Lila was interested in having sex with him? Was he even interested in having sex with her?

‘Slow down,’ Lila reminded herself as she spooned some sticky pineapple stir fry in her mouth. ‘Let’s see if he’s interested in a relationship first, before all of that.’

Lila took a quick peek at Asher, who seemed to be concentrating on his lunch. A slight frown wrinkled her brow as she looked down at her food again. There was still something different about Asher – something she couldn’t identify but felt all the same. Was it just because it was the first week back? Or maybe it was because of the semi-constant reminders in PC class about Piper’s death and the resources available to assist students with coping? Was Gabriel still being weird? Or was he still pressed about his police interview?

Ultimately, it was no matter for the moment. If she was brave enough, she might ask about it during Study, without the presence of Elise, Grace and Isaac chattering away…

The rest of Lila’s classes went by, with Lila concentrating as much as she could. There was definitely a tangible increase in difficulty for these assignments that she’d need to pay attention to, lest she fail.

So, once Study rolled around, Lila was actually grateful. She’d ask Asher about why he seemed off towards the end of their Study lesson – for now, she’d actually focus on her upcoming assignments.

This dedication seemed to surprise Asher, as she could feel him glance at her every so often over the edge of his laptop screen. Eventually, after about ten minutes of this, Lila lowered her laptop screen, looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

“You’ve just been staring at me all day. Are you good?” she asked expectantly. His eyes flickered back to his laptop, the tips of his ears steadily turning pink.

“I’m fine,” he said unconvincingly, his tone somewhat stiff. Lila waited a few moments to see if he would add to that. After he didn’t, his eyes unnaturally fixated on one particular spot on his laptop, she sighed and closed her lid.

“Asher, I’ve been meaning to ask… something seems off,” she said gently. His eyes darted to hers before back to his laptop. He swallowed hard but didn’t offer anything else – not even a question as to what she meant.

Lila continued to blink at him, waiting for a response. Eventually, he sighed, closing his laptop as well. He pressed his lips together in a hard, thin line before running his fingers through his hair roughly.

“Nothing’s off,” he said firmly. “Nothing.”

“Asher-”

“I’m just trying to readjust to school life,” he asserted, though he didn’t meet her gaze. “Especially after all the police stuff. It’s… been a lot.”

He shifted his eyes to his hands, which were twisting together in a way that suggested to Lila that he was incredibly nervous.

“Asher, you know you can talk to me about anything,” Lila said softly, her voice taking on a pleading note. “You don’t have to sit there, suffering on your own.”

He winced, clenching his fists tightly for a moment before relaxing them. “I’m… I’ll… tell you… one day…” He sounded almost like a short-circuiting robot as he stammered, seeming to teeter on the edge of saying something substantial. He finally shook his head, looking up at the ceiling.

“… It… It’s… not ready,” he murmured, his whole body shaking. He definitely looked like a malfunctioning robot now.

“For what?” Lila asked gently.

“Just…” he gulped audibly before his eyes flashed to Lila’s, as though he had realised something. “Well… I just… home’s not going so great.”

Lila leaned forward, instantly hooked onto every word he uttered. His cheeks turned pink as he shuffled backwards slightly, his breathing stilted.

“U-Uh, yeah. Well… Gabriel… this morning. He, um, started yelling at my Dad in the kitchen all of a sudden,” Asher finally said, meeting Lila’s eyes. He quickly averted his gaze again, looking incredibly uncomfortable. “It kinda all blew up at once. Dad was working from home today, so he had breakfast with me. Gabriel walked in and saw him and just… asked him to come into the kitchen for a chat. I mean, you know how far conversations carry in my house. He just ripped into my Dad, yelling about why he didn’t tell Gabriel that Mum’s missing, yelling about why he had to hear about it from me six months after, yelling about why he hasn’t helped me, yelling about why he doesn’t trust Gabriel… from what I gathered, Gabriel felt really betrayed. Disrespected, even, since he’s been with us for so long. He even said that if it wasn’t for me, he’d probably quit right then and there. It… just got really unbearable so I left and got on the bus.”

“Damn,” Lila whispered, covering her mouth with her hand. “That’s so intense.”

“Yeah,” Asher nodded. “I kinda don’t wanna go home.”

“I could see if my parents would have you over for dinner?” Lila offered, already reaching for her phone.

“No, no, it’s fine. Thanks for the offer,” Asher instantly shut her down with a firm shake of his head. “I don’t want to go home, but I need to. I’ve… got some things I need to do.”

“Alright,” Lila said forlornly, returning her hands to their original position.

“Sorry. Maybe I can come over another time,” Asher mumbled.

“Yeah…” Lila trailed off with a sigh. Now that the atmosphere had changed to something far more awkward than it previously had been, Lila promptly opened her laptop. She couldn’t concentrate on her schoolwork like she had been before Asher kept staring at her, but refused to abandon her efforts. Eventually, Asher abruptly stood up.

“I just need to take a walk,” he announced. Before Lila could even offer to come with him, he turned on his heel and strode away from her. Though she was tempted, she didn’t follow him. If he wanted her to go along with him, he’d ask.

After Asher completely disappeared from view, Lila lowered her laptop screen, glancing around the library. Ayla still wasn’t within her line of sight. Had she found a new spot to study in? One that didn’t remind her of Piper?

Lila picked at her nails, biting her lower lip contemplatively. What did Asher mean by “it’s not ready yet”? What wasn’t ready? She turned these questions over and over again in her mind, but came up empty. Was he a mad scientist building a rocket or something? She wasn’t aware of any projects that he was undertaking, at least.

It didn’t take long for Asher to return from his walk, his expression seeming much brighter – far more approachable. Should she ask?

But, as he threw himself into his seat, wiping stray hairs from his eyes, Lila had the distinct impression that she should leave it alone.

“Came back,” he grinned, dragging his laptop closer to him. “Sorry, just needed to get some air.”

“You’re all good,” Lila replied, opening her laptop lid again. “Glad it helped.”

For the rest of their time in Study, Asher dedicated himself to typing rapidly away on his laptop with a renewed fervour. Lila couldn’t help but feel slightly envious – his enigmatic statement, Gabriel’s blow-up with Ivaan, and the questions about sex she’d been tossing her schoolmates recently were all jumbling together in her mind, causing a headache and unproductivity combined.

She couldn’t tell whether or not Asher was still off by the way he said, “See you tomorrow!” with a cheery wave outside the locker room once it was time to go home. Perhaps he was feeling much better after telling her what happened with Gabriel this morning? She hoped that was the case.

Though it would’ve been nice to have dinner with Asher and her family tonight, she remembered when she was reluctant to go home after discovering that Daniel was the Banker – sometimes, duty called. Sometimes, no matter how much one wanted, avoidance couldn’t be achieved. Now that she’d thought about it, Lila presumed that Asher was working on a school project, or similar – it was crunch time, now that they were in the latter half of the school year and he was the Dux, after all.

Lila hauled herself to the bus stop, chewing her lower lip as she continued to think about Asher. Even if she tried to think about something else, somehow her mind would always link it back to Asher. It was frustrating, really, that her mind seemed constantly occupied by him. Was it due to his reluctance to start dating? Or… was there something else behind this?

“Get on the bus already, sis,” Daniel’s voice commanded behind her. He pushed her forward gently and she stumbled, grasping the rail of the bus door just in time to avoid stacking it on the stairs. She whipped her head around, glaring at him, before seeing the impressively long line of students craning their necks to see what the holdup was. Without another word, she tapped her travel card on the reader and sat in her usual spot.

Daniel rolled his eyes at her as he passed, taking a seat towards the back, and she sullenly looked out the window for the rest of the ride home. It wasn’t exactly normal for Daniel to be taking this bus home with her, but she’d ask him about it later if she remembered. At the very least he was talking to her… which was a step in the right direction, given his hermit-like behaviour over the past few days – even if it was rude.

Luckily, Lila managed to get Asher out of her head enough to realise when the bus arrived at her stop. She exited, thanking the driver, and began meandering with a yawn to her house. She heard Daniel clomping along behind her and after about five minutes, Lila turned around to face him.

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“Hey,” she said, attempting to go for a friendly, approachable tone. He grunted in response, avoiding her gaze by instead looking at the road.

“What’s up?” she tried again, pausing so that he walked closer to her.

“Nothin’,” Daniel huffed, quickly overtaking her and hurrying down the path.

“Did you wanna talk about it?” Lila asked, matching his pace with ease.

“No,” Daniel replied shortly, speeding up.

“You sure?” Lila queried, also speeding up.

“Yes,” Daniel responded, breaking out into a jog now.

“C’mon!” Lila cajoled, chasing after him.

“Lila, dammit, stop acting like Clare!” Daniel yelled, running even faster towards the house now. Lila stopped for a second before sprinting after him.

“Sorry!” she called. He didn’t respond, slamming against the front door and fumbling with his keys. Lila caught up to him, clapping her hand on his shoulder. He froze under her hand before hanging his head in defeat. She patted his shoulder comfortingly.

“Sorry,” she repeated, sucking in a heaving breath. “I’ll stop. You’re right. I’ll be here if you need me.”

Daniel sighed, turning his key into the keyhole. “Thanks. By the way, you’re terrifying when you’re chasing me.”

“Years of practice. Not as effective if I’m not terrifying,” she smirked, letting go of Daniel. He entered first, kicking off his shoes, before immediately heading upstairs and closing his door with a slam.

By contrast, Lila slowly took her shoes off and shuffled into the kitchen, grabbing a cup of juice with a sigh.

“What’d you do to him?” Clare’s voice asked after a few seconds. Lila turned to face her sister, who was leaning against the archway to the kitchen with her arms folded.

“Nothing,” Lila replied honestly. “Want a juice?”

“Sure.”

Clare watched in silence as Lila poured her a cup and passed it to her. They clinked their cups together before each taking a sip.

“He’s been real moody lately,” Clare commented idly, setting down her cup on the counter. “What do you reckon’s wrong with him?”

Lila glanced at the ceiling, towards where Daniel’s room was, before shrugging. “Beats me,” she lied, twirling the ends of her hair with her fingers. “Puberty?”

Clare snorted before looking horrified. “Shit, you’re so right. I keep forgetting he’s a teen now.”

“It’s crazy,” Lila agreed, taking another sip. The two sisters stood there comfortably before Clare exhaled heavily with a vexed frown.

“Sounds like you’re real moody,” Lila observed, the corners of her mouth twitching playfully. She managed to keep her impending smile from showing as she waited for her sister to speak.

“Yeah,” Clare said begrudgingly. “I am.”

“What’s up?”

“Alex,” Clare murmured contemptuously, leaning her lower back onto the edge of the counter, her arms folded against her chest again.

“What’d he do?” Lila asked, taking another drink of her juice.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing,” Clare huffed. “He’s not texted, called, anything.”

“Weren’t you guys on a break?” Lila raised an eyebrow inquisitively. Clare threw her hands up into the air.

“Yeah! We are!” Clare’s voice was almost a shriek. She took a deep breath before clenching her fists with another huff and staring at the ground by her feet.

“… Is… he supposed to text or call you while you’re on a break?” Lila tilted her head curiously.

“No,” Clare stated brusquely, placing a hand on her forehead. “But why?”

“‘Cause that’s what you asked for?”

Clare slowly descended into a chair at the small kitchen table, pursing her lips. “… Yeah,” she admitted in a small voice, looking down at her hands. With a sympathetic smile, Lila brought both their drinks and sat down in the chair opposite Clare.

“What’s really going on?” Lila asked gently. “It feels like something deeper is bothering you.”

“Maybe I should get a fringe,” Clare stated softly, tugging at her hair. Lila’s eyelids fluttered in confusion.

“Huh?”

Clare gave her a humourless smile. “Change things up. Maybe I’d feel better. I’d probably look hot with a fringe.”

“Well, you look good in anything,” Lila concurred with a slight frown. “I feel like you’re avoiding the topic, though.”

“You’re right,” Clare reluctantly sighed again. “I am.”

“Why?”

Clare groaned in frustration, rubbing her forehead as if nursing a headache. “… It’s… I dunno. This is new territory for me, and I’m… anxious? Nervous? I dunno.”

“What’s new territory for you?” Lila inquired, pushing Clare’s cup closer to her. Clare gratefully took another sip before setting it down again.

“I think I really like this guy,” she admitted. “Like… more than I’ve liked anyone. Even that guy I told you about.”

“Alright…” Lila nodded, encouraging Clare to continue.

“I think I freaked out too soon and pushed him away,” Clare mumbled, her expression sulky. “I don’t think he’s gonna come back.”

“Have you talked to him since agreeing on a break?”

“… No.”

“Maybe you should start there.”

“But… but what if he says he doesn’t want to get back together? Not that we were really together. Fuck. This was meant to be casual.”

“Have you had any serious relationships before?” Lila eyed Clare carefully. Clare shook her head.

“I’d really thought that other guy would be ‘the One’. I mean, that’s why I agreed to be friends with benefits way back then. Since I thought it’d lead into something serious.”

“Clare… did you lose your virginity to that guy?” Lila looked at Clare shrewdly, carefully analysing her reaction. As expected, Clare looked shocked at Lila’s question. Then, her cheeks began to turn pink.

“I… yeah,” she admitted quietly. “I thought… after doing that… that he’d stay.”

“I see,” Lila replied just as quietly. “Do you think that’s why you’re still hung up on it?”

Clare took a sharp breath of surprise before gritting her teeth. “You… think I’m still hung up on it?”

“Look, I don’t know for sure. But from what you’ve been telling me over the past couple of months, it feels like there’s something from that time that’s holding you back. I’m no psychologist,” she flashed Clare a knowing, cheeky grin, to which Clare responded with a half-hearted one of her own, “but perhaps what you’re mostly scared of is being hurt again.”

Clare appeared to absorb Lila’s words for a few moments before nodding. “I think you’re right.”

“Besides, wasn’t it a couple years ago already?” Lila continued. “Not to judge you or anything, but… surely you should’ve healed from that?”

Clare buried her face in her hands. “You’re right,” she whispered. “Damn, Lila. Calling me out like this.”

“Have you seen a therapist about this? Or a counsellor or whatever?”

“No. I’m studying psychology myself. How lame would that be, me needing to see one?”

“Uh… I mean… I feel like everyone could probably benefit from some help,” Lila replied tentatively. “Like, even psychologists probably get help from other psychologists. Plus, it’d be like doing some practical study. You’d find out how it works being a patient and apply it to your studies.”

Clare snorted. “Sounds like a pyramid scheme.”

“I don’t think that’s right, either,” Lila chuckled.

“Fine. Sounds like something someone who cares about study would say.”

“Do you not care about study?”

Clare sighed again, revealing her face but keeping her head in her hands. “I do… but I don’t have to really work hard to get good grades for psychology. Maybe it’s complacency? Either way… maybe I should take up your suggestion.”

“Good,” Lila smiled. “You’ll have to be honest with them though.”

“Nope, nope, nope,” Clare said hurriedly, burying her face again. “Never mind that. Miss me with that shit.”

It was Lila’s turn to sigh. “It’s your prerogative. At the very least, you should be honest with him.”

Clare wiped her face with a deep, long exhale. “If I didn’t know that you were honest with Asher about your feelings, I’d say something really snarky right now. Guess your older sister has to get her butt into gear, huh.”

“Yeah,” Lila smirked. “You’re setting a bad example.”

Clare rolled her eyes before looking downcast. “You’re right.”

Lila sipped her juice, looking out the kitchen window. Clare didn’t say anything for a minute or two before finally saying, “Do you think I should pick up cooking?”

Lila stared at her in bemusement. “Come again?”

“M-Maybe he doesn’t like me enough to come back on his own because I’m not… I dunno, girlfriend material,” Clare muttered, also looking towards the kitchen window.

“I mean… you can pick up cooking for yourself,” Lila replied frankly. “But I doubt that’s the reason. I mean, if it was casual, he wouldn’t even know you don’t know how to cook.”

Clare pressed her lips in a hard line. “I’m just being stupid,” she admitted. “You must really think badly of me, huh.”

“Not at all,” Lila said, shaking her head. “It’s endearing. It makes you feel more human, actually. Someone I can actually go to and not feel judged for my silly problems. I’d kinda put you on a pedestal for all these years – so much so that you were like this idol that I couldn’t be totally honest with, in case you’d judge me as, I dunno, inferior or stupid or something.”

“Really?” Clare looked at Lila in shock before chuckling. “Guess making mistakes like I have has its perks.”

“We all make mistakes. That’s something I’ve learned over this year,” Lila replied, giving Clare a wry smile. “It’s how we navigate them that matters.”

“Huh. Profound,” Clare commented, tapping her chin. “Fine, I’ll talk to Alex. I’ll see where he’s at… and… I’ll tell him that… if he wants to, I wouldn’t mind being official. Committed and all that.”

“Good luck,” Lila beamed. “I hope it goes well. And, if it doesn’t, then… at least you tried. And figured out what you want. You said before that you weren’t ready for a relationship, but maybe you are now.”

Clare smiled softly at Lila. “You know, I’m so glad you’ve grown up a bit. Now I can bounce things off of you and get a half-decent response.”

“Hey!” Lila whined. “That’s rude.”

Clare leaned over and pinched Lila’s cheek affectionately. “Yeah. But at least you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. Must be all that time you’re spending with Asher.”

Lila could feel the blood rushing to her face in response, causing her to stand up. “I’m gonna head upstairs,” she announced, taking her cup to the kitchen counter and refilling it with juice. “See you at dinner.”

“See you then. And thanks. Really,” Clare said sincerely. “You’ve eased my mind a bit. Like I said before, I didn’t really have anyone to talk to about all this.”

“You can talk to me anytime,” Lila responded earnestly. “Let me know how it goes with Alex.”

“I will.”

After heading up to her room, Lila unceremoniously flopped onto her bed. As tempting as getting a head start on some of her more difficult assignments was (that is, not at all), a nap was pulling her eyelids closed, winning the battle of productivity versus unproductivity with ease.

She’d just barely drifted off when a knock sounded on her door. Was it time for dinner already?

“Y-Yeah?” she called out groggily, rubbing at her sleepy eyes. Daniel swam into view, awkwardly shambling into her room.

“Hey,” he said hesitantly, standing by the door still.

“You can come in,” Lila replied, gesturing to her desk chair. He closed the door behind him and sat down on her chair, swivelling to face her on the bed.

“What’s up?” she asked, sitting up with a yawn.

“I… I’ve been thinking,” he said uneasily.

“Sounds dangerous,” Lila nodded. He shot her a glare that quickly fell away.

“Maybe it is,” his tone was reluctant as he trailed off. He shook his head, looking up at Lila with a glimmer of determination in his eyes. “I’m gonna tell Mum and Dad.”

Lila blinked at him in confusion. “… About?”

“About being the Banker.”

“Holy shit,” Lila whispered, scooting closer to him. “Are you sure about that?”

“Dead sure. It… bothered me, going to the school and getting it sanctioned without telling them. Like, they’d probably find out, right? But they’d be less mad if I told them about it, versus them finding out from the school or something.”

“That makes sense,” Lila nodded again, swinging her legs over the edge of her bed. “So, when do you wanna tell them?”

“I don’t know,” Daniel confessed, looking down at his knees. “I really don’t want to but… I feel like I have to.”

“I can respect that,” Lila smiled. “I think Asher’s wrapping up getting support from the teachers pretty soon, but I can check with him about what he thinks.”

“… I think I’ll need a week, to be honest. Uh, what’re you doing next weekend?”

Lila shrugged. “This weekend I’m going over to Asher’s, Saturday and Sunday. As for the next, I don’t have any plans yet.”

“Alright. Uh… c-can you be there? When I tell Mum and Dad?”

“Of course,” Lila affirmed. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Thanks,” Daniel’s anxious face melted into one of relief. “I… I’ll need to figure out how best to put it.”

“Do you want Asher there too?” Lila suggested.

“I don’t wanna bother him,” Daniel shook his head. Then, he grimaced. “But at the same time… I’m so lost.”

“If you don’t want him there for the conversation, then perhaps he could at least give you pointers. Maybe you should message him.”

“I-I’ll only do that closer to the time,” Daniel said hurriedly, standing up. “It’s too soon. I just… wanted to check with you first.”

“I support you taking your time,” Lila replied matter-of-factly. “I’m honestly surprised that you want to tell Mum and Dad first. I thought you would’ve tried to see whether the school would keep it under wraps and not tell them.”

“I thought about doing that,” Daniel sighed, crossing Lila’s room before stopping short of the door. He turned to face her, rubbing his left bicep with his right arm comfortingly. “I just think it’s too risky, to hedge my bets on that. Plus… if the whole operation is gonna get bigger, like it seems that it will after being sanctioned, I really gotta tell them. While I’m glad that I told Mum I needed the juice boxes for a school project, the year’s just going by. I can only have the same school project for so long.”

“Alright. Thanks for the update. If you need ideas on what to do or how to say it and all that, you can talk to me.”

“Thanks, sis,” Daniel smiled at Lila. “You know, you’re not too bad when you stop being Clare’s mini-me.”

“Alright, you can get the fuck out,” Lila responded with a dramatic huff, chucking a cushion his way. He chortled before smoothly exiting, having bumped the cushion back towards her with his head.

Lila waited a few seconds to see if he’d return for something else. When he didn’t, she tucked herself back into bed, now even more keen for that nap she’d started.