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Scattering Lilac Ashes
Chapter One Hundred and Five

Chapter One Hundred and Five

Chapter One Hundred and Five

Out of her 10-day timetable schedule, ‘Day 2’ was one of Lila’s favourites. It started off with English and then Study – both of which, of course, featured Asher.

She was still rather giggly after watching Elise and Isaac head off for their Maccas shift together yesterday afternoon, and couldn’t wait to brainstorm with Asher once they had a chance.

He definitely caught on to her cheerful mood that morning in English as she took her place next to him, grinning from ear to ear. He mirrored her grin, though with a hint of confusion in his eyes.

“What’s got you so chipper this morning?” he asked, inclining his head curiously.

“I saw Elise and Isaac head off for their Maccas shift together yesterday afternoon and they were so cute,” Lila whispered fervently, her eyes sparkling. “It’s getting more and more obvious that they like each other. We’ve gotta make this happen, somehow.”

“Well, we’re going to the museum as a group,” Asher said thoughtfully. “We could probably slip away, you and me. Probably Grace, too. Watch them from a distance. You know, what they’ve been doing all year.”

Lila laughed. “That sounds like a plan. The more they hang out, just the two of them, the more likely they’ll want to date, right?”

Asher’s eyes darted to hers before returning to his desk just as quickly. “… Probably.”

Suddenly, the question of when Asher would ask Lila to be his girlfriend burned the back of her throat. While envisioning Elise and Isaac getting together helped to forget her woes, it was moments like these – where Asher seemed to be thinking of something entirely different to the context they were in – that reminded her of the predicament she was in. After all, they’d hung out, just the two of them, for many weeks – months, even – now. And yet…

Lila shook her head fiercely. She needed to exercise some patience. Besides, she had lots to focus on now. Perhaps it was a good thing that they weren’t together yet…

Once English was over, Lila and Asher strolled towards the library for their Study class. It wasn’t raining today, but it was still cold enough for Lila to tremble despite her layers.

“Did you want my blazer?” Asher asked, looking down at Lila in concern.

“I-I’ll be fine. Thanks, though,” Lila replied meekly, holding her bookbag to her chest.

Asher sighed, and she glanced at him. He seemed bothered by something, with the subtle way his brow was creased and his hands appeared clenched in his pockets.

“… Everything okay?” Lila queried, pulling at her scarf to give her more coverage – not that it did much, due to the wind.

“Yeah. Why?” Asher responded, blinking at her in surprise.

“You just… seem bothered by something.”

“Ah,” Asher sighed again. “Guess so. But it’s fine.”

“How can something bothering you be fine?”

“I mean, you’d be the expert in that field, wouldn’t you?” he countered, though not unkindly. It did still sting a little, though.

He must have sensed this as he immediately swore under his breath, roughly running his hands through his hair. Then he let out a groan of frustration, stopping entirely in his tracks. Lila halted as well, looking curiously at him.

“Sorry. Fuck. I don’t know what to do,” he confessed.

“No need to be sorry,” Lila replied, avoiding his intense eyes. “It’s true, after all.”

He folded his arms across his chest before shaking his head. “Fine. I’ll tell you what’s bothering me. But… it’s really my own fault. Nothing for you to be concerned about.”

This piqued Lila’s interest. She swiftly looked at him, and his eyes briefly met hers. His cheeks had a pinkish hue and he looked ahead at the path that stretched before them. With an almost undetectable exhale, he began walking and Lila followed suit.

“I… I want to do things for you,” he said softly after a few seconds of silence. “Things like… give you my blazer when you’re cold, carry your stuff for you at camp, buy you things that I think would make you smile… a whole bunch of things. And I know you’re independent, and you don’t need me to take care of you… but… there’s just… this desire that I feel. To do all that for you. To have you rely on me as a guy, I guess.”

“As a guy?” Lila repeated quietly. His cheeks reddened even further.

“I-It sounds… sexist or something, I know. Egotistical, maybe. Kinda like using those actions in order to feel adequate in… I dunno, my masculinity. It… yeah. But I know I have no right to any of that, or asking that of you. So that’s why I kept quiet. Sorry.”

“I… didn’t realise you felt that way,” Lila murmured after taking a moment to process what he said. “You’re right, though. You have no right to any of that. But… I think I get where you’re coming from, at least.”

She heard Asher take a short, sharp breath, as though what she’d said physically winded him, so she continued.

“It would be nice, though. O-On occasion. To rely on you like that. I… didn’t want to take advantage of you and your kindness by having you help me with things that I’m more than capable of doing myself. Or even borrowing your blazer when I’m cold. Things like that.”

Asher was still for a second before chuckling harshly.

“Well, look at that,” he muttered. “Seems like we’re both trying to be considerate of each other.”

Lila uttered her agreement, suddenly feeling awkward. What… now?

“What do you want to do?” Asher queried after further silent walking. “About… me doing things for you.”

“I don’t really know,” Lila replied honestly. “It… really sounds… like…” Lila couldn’t finish her sentence, embarrassment capturing her vocal cords.

“It does, doesn’t it?” Asher stated plainly. Lila’s eyelids fluttered in puzzlement. Were they on the same wavelength? She’d wanted to say that it sounded like boyfriend behaviour – something to be reserved between people in a relationship – but couldn’t find the words. Did he think the same?

‘Yeah, dummy. That’s why he said he had no right to do those kinds of things for me.’ Lila promptly thought to herself. She was a bit slow on the uptake today. Perhaps it was the cold. Her precious neurons were freezing together…

It wasn’t long before they reached the doors to the library. Asher exchanged a glance with Lila before opening the door for her. That much was out of politeness, at least – rather than dedicated boyfriend behaviour… so she supposed it was okay.

‘This is so confusing,’ Lila internally lamented. He wanted to act like her boyfriend, to the point of being bothered when she refused to give in, but… still, here they were, not dating. They liked each other, they hung out all the time, he’d basically showered her in gifts upon his return from Vanuatu. It was all she wanted, really – to be his. To be able to give herself to him in that way – to freely give her heart, her soul… possibly her body-

“Lila, the booth’s this way,” Asher’s voice roused her from her rumination. She was still standing next to their supervising teacher for Study. The teacher didn’t even cast a look in her direction, but she was still mortified – not only by her stupid, sappy thoughts, but because she hadn’t realised where she was or what she was doing to the point of needing Asher to call her out for it.

She scurried after him, face aflame with crimson. She definitely didn’t need his blazer now.

They silently set up their study stations, though Lila wasn’t keen to study despite the fact that she was sharing her table with the Dux.

By contrast, it seemed that Asher thrust himself immediately into studying, his focus being entirely on his laptop. Lila attempted to look through the poems they could choose from for English but the words were all swimming before her, melding together into an incoherent word soup.

With a dejected grimace, she looked up, towards where Ayla and Piper had usually sat in Study. Of course, Piper wasn’t there… but neither was Ayla. Lila seemed to recall that, even after Piper’s expulsion, Ayla had mainly remained in the same spot – most likely out of habit than for any other reason. Was Ayla away today? Or had she sequestered herself somewhere far away from others?

Lila wouldn’t blame her if the latter was the case. Ayla and Piper had seemed really close, after all.

“What’re you thinking about?” Asher’s question jolted Lila. She thought he’d been entirely absorbed in his studies – enough that he wouldn’t notice what Lila was doing.

“I… was just wondering where Ayla was,” Lila admitted, looking down at her laptop, which had fallen asleep long ago.

Asher shrugged. “Beats me. Is she a friend of yours?”

Had… Lila not told Asher about Ayla at all? She couldn’t remember.

“No, not a friend of mine… but she was a friend of Piper’s.”

“Oh,” Asher breathed. “Right. She… might be in counselling or something, then.”

“That’s right… there’s all that counselling stuff going on. Now might be the time for you to start, you know. It sounds like they’re pouring all these resources into it.”

“I’m not grieving,” Asher said pointedly. “It’d be a waste for me to take away the resources for students who actually need it.”

“I guess…” Lila pursed her lips before closing her laptop lid with a sigh. “I’m not going to focus on any work right now.”

“Looks like we’re in the same boat,” Asher nodded. Lila stared at him, shocked by the admission.

“But you look so studious,” she said, baffled.

“Well, I am. But not about school. It’d be easier if you come over here.”

Lila sidled out of her side of the booth and sat next to Asher, ensuring there was sufficient space between them to allow her heart to beat properly.

“Well, you can be closer, you know. You won’t be able to see my laptop from there,” Asher observed. He was right – she was perched on the opposite end, almost to the point of falling off. She scooted closer, but only just. Asher slid towards her, seeming careful to not get too close.

“Here,” he said gently, opening an Excel spreadsheet. “What do you see?”

Lila’s eyes darted around the spreadsheet, trying to take it all in. It looked like a variety of letters in different rows – though none of them looked to be in any particular order that she could recognise.

“Uh… a whole bunch of letters,” Lila replied, her voice trailing off, her confusion painfully apparent.

“Good,” Asher smiled. “Anything else?”

Lila narrowed her eyes, looking again at the string of letters. It seemed familiar to her somehow, but she couldn’t pick where.

“I… dunno,” she revealed with a tilt of her head. “It seems familiar.”

Asher reached into his laptop bag, fumbling around for a few seconds before pulling out a small bottle. One with a roll of paper in it.

Lila’s eyes glimmered with recognition and hope as he tipped out the paper and unfurled it. She peered at it, taking in what was written upon it –

Olssv, tf uhtl pz Wlyjf. Tf Tbt sprlz av jhss tl Ty Zubnnslibaa aol Aopyk. P dvukly pm fvb’ss il hisl av jhajo tl, Hzoly huk Spsh.

“Mr Snugglebutt,” Lila whispered in realisation. “This was tied on Mr Snugglebutt.” Then, her tone heightened to one of enthusiasm. “Did you crack the code?”

Asher gave her a knowing, cheeky grin. “Maybe. Click the other tab.”

Lila did so, opening up a different sheet. The message from the bottle as written was transcribed along the top. Underneath…

“Hello, my name is Percy. My Mum likes to call me Mr Snugglebutt the Third. I wonder if you’ll be able to catch me, Asher and Lila,” Lila read in a low voice. Her eyes flickered to Asher’s before looking back down at the spreadsheet.

“How’d you figure this out?” Lila enquired in wonderment, gently passing Asher’s laptop back to him.

“It was a relatively easy cipher. I just didn’t have time to try and work it out until now-”

“Wait, you cracked it literally just now?” Lila’s jaw dropped open. He looked bashful.

“Well, I set up this spreadsheet ages ago, but only really concentrated on it today,” he explained. “I looked mostly at the sentence structure. The random capital letters seemed important, at least – so it must have been a language that utilises capital letters without translation. That rules out most of the Asian languages, as far as I know, and so the focus was more on Euro-centric languages. Then, I thought I was probably overthinking things, as usual. I decided to go on the assumption that it was definitely English. With that, the punctuation made sense, too. Then I thought about how letters or notes are usually written – it usually either starts with a greeting, or the receiver’s name. So, with ‘Olssv’, I thought I found a pattern- am I boring you?”

Lila shook her head vehemently. “Absolutely not. I love hearing about your thought process.”

“L-Love, you say?” Asher murmured this question so quietly that Lila almost didn’t catch it. He swiftly moved on, his face slightly pinker than before.

“A-Anyway, um, ‘Olssv’ – yes. So, if we break it down to the likelihood that it’s a greeting, what’s a common five-letter greeting?”

Lila considered the options – there was only one that fit that bill.

“Hello?”

“Yeah,” Asher’s eyes lit up with excitement now, his whole body shifting so that he was stick-straight. His gestures began to open up and become more animated as he continued to speak. “So, if ‘o’ is h, ‘l’ is e, ‘s’ is l and ‘v’ is o, then the rest should follow. I picked out all repeat letters and basically did a game of hangman. Except there were no men hanged at the end. I figured out, basically, that the letters were transposed about seven down the line. Uh, by that, I mean if you string out the alphabet and assigned each letter a number – so ‘h’ is usually eight, then ‘o’ is fifteen – so seven numbers ahead. Does that make sense?”

“Perfectly,” Lila smiled. “I’m impressed.”

“As I said, it wasn’t very complicated. I just needed some time and space to think on it.”

“Still, I don’t think I would’ve figured it out,” Lila insisted. “Take credit. C’mon.”

“Alright,” Asher grinned. “Yes, I managed to figure it out. You’re allowed to be impressed.”

“Thank you,” Lila chuckled. “I’m taking that to heart.”

They shared another grin before Lila grew serious. “So, it said ‘Hello, my name is Percy. My Mum likes to call me Mr Snugglebutt the Third. I wonder if you’ll be able to catch me, Asher and Lila’. By ‘Mum’, I’m going to assume that means Marlene. I mean, Gabriel said he was going to feed the cat duck pate and told the cat not to tell ‘Mum’. Only person who might need that little fact hidden from them is Marlene, given her love of ducks. So… then Mr Snugglebutt’s ‘real’ name is Percy – probably what they call him at the vet or whatever.” Lila lifted a finger to her chin as she thought some more about the message.

“The fact that it directly references us by name must mean that the note was put there with the express purpose of us finding it. Additionally, they had to have had access to both the cat and the cottage at the time. I don’t recall seeing the collar on the cat the first time we saw it – and the collar’s bright red, so would be noticeable. So… someone had to have been watching us. Lying in wait to not only write down the coded message but give it to the cat to give to us.”

“Well, Marlene could’ve done all that if she was home. But that was a weekday – she would’ve been at the café, doing her barista stuff,” Asher said thoughtfully.

“That’s true… if she was at the café. We saw her leave, but maybe she doubled back? Called in sick or something?” Lila suggested.

Asher scrunched his eyebrows together, his eyes deeply contemplative and fixed upon a crack in the desk between them. Lila took a few seconds to think as well before looking back up at Asher.

“Also… it’s not relevant to anything… but I wanna know about what happened to Mr Snugglebutt the First and Mr Snugglebutt the Second,” she said.

Asher chortled. At first, it was a low, rumbling kind of chortle before turning into outright guffawing.

“It wasn’t that funny,” Lila said, bemused. Asher wiped at his eyes, though Lila wasn’t sure she saw any tears.

“It… just made me think – did I miss two more fucking cats? She’s been living with us for so long,” Asher said, shaking his head. “If I did, how dense am I? I just hope that maybe she just picked ‘the Third’ as a random nickname.”

“I mean, she calls herself the Quack Queen, and I don’t think she’s actually royalty,” Lila noted with another smile. “Don’t feel too bad if you did miss the existence of two cats previously. Marlene… is a master in remaining mysterious.”

Asher exhaled deeply, casting a look at the ceiling before meeting Lila’s gaze again. “She sure is.”

It was starting to feel really hot in the library, what with the outdated heaters blasting as much heated air as they could handle. Lila reluctantly unwrapped the scarf around her neck, neatly folding it into her bookbag. Asher glanced at her as she did so before doing a double-take.

“Are you wearing the necklace?” he asked, the surprise clear in his tone. Lila’s face flushed as she smoothly tucked the exposed chain under her uniform to conceal it.

“N-No,” she lied timidly before her brain caught up to what her mouth was doing. ‘Why did I just say that?’ Lila chastised herself, her blush flowing down her neck. It was as though she thought, in the back of her mind, that she shouldn’t be wearing it.

“You definitely are,” Asher asserted firmly, his own face taking on a salmon hue. “I- wow. That’s unexpected.”

“Why? It’s nice. A-And you bought it for me,” Lila lost her bravery by the end of her sentence and took to fiddling with the strap of her bookbag to avoid looking at Asher.

“I… just didn’t think you’d wear it at school. Especially since you can’t really have it out.”

“You’re not wrong,” Lila admitted reluctantly. “I don’t want to part with it, though.”

“I’ll definitely need to look at necklaces that complement that one, then,” Asher murmured, looking back at his laptop with glassy, distant eyes.

“You don’t,” Lila managed to whisper, loud enough that he definitely heard her.

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“I know I don’t. So, therefore I will,” he said with a smirk. “If you don’t like them, you can sell them.”

Lila gingerly touched where the pendant was hidden under her blouse. “I don’t think I’d ever dislike anything you pick out for me.”

“Anything?”

Lila nodded, meeting his inquisitive eyes with her own steady ones. “Just the fact that you thought about me, and what I’d like, makes it that much more precious.”

“I-I’ll keep that in mind,” he stammered, flickering his eyes down to the desk. He cleared his throat, inhaling deeply.

“A-Anyway. Uh, I think we should start studying now. W-While thinking about the message is good and all, I don’t think we should keep talking about it at school,” he said, his voice oddly squeaky.

“Okay,” Lila replied half-heartedly. Back to the poems, then…

It felt as though Lila had just opened up her laptop again when Asher alerted her that it was time for morning tea – and, therefore, time to be separated again.

Lila unenthusiastically packed away her things before walking with Asher to the locker room, clutching her bookbag tightly against her body.

“You look cold again,” he observed quietly. “Would you like my blazer now?”

Lila shook her head, a tender smile on her face. “I’m not cold. Just… yeah. Not cold.”

“It feels like there’s more to that sentence.”

Lila didn’t want to finish the sentence she’d been thinking – that she was feeling downhearted at the fact that they’d be apart for morning tea.

She didn’t have to, however, as Isaac jumped out from behind the corner of a nearby building, just in front of the locker room. Lila and Asher stopped in their tracks, neither of them apparently giving him the reaction he’d been hoping for. Isaac frowned, before his eyes sparkled, as though an idea had struck him.

“Boo,” Isaac whispered, raising his hands into claw-like shapes.

“Why did you whisper that?” Lila whispered back.

“Isn’t it more terrifying that way?” Isaac queried, still in a whisper.

“What’s terrifying is that I feel like you’ve lost a few brain cells over the break,” Asher said, not in a whisper – though his tone was rather unserious.

“I’m shocked, appalled, offended, and, of course, affronted that you would say that,” Isaac replied dramatically. “I’ve been holding tightly onto the few I have.”

The trio chuckled in unison before continuing on their journey to the locker room. Isaac took it upon himself to rattle on about his Engineering assignment, before his eyes settled on Elise, who was slightly ahead of them, making her way to her locker.

“… You like Elise, don’t you?” Asher stated plainly, turning to look at Isaac.

“W-What?” Isaac shook his head, though it seemed automatic. “N-No. She’s just a friend.”

“A friend whose mere presence makes you stop talking mid-sentence?” Asher raised an eyebrow, giving Isaac a rather astute look.

“What of it?” Isaac retorted, though his eyes were clearly nervous. “I think my food’s calling out for me – gotta go.”

He dashed off into the depths of the locker room, pushing through the swarming crowd of Grade 11s that had already arrived.

Asher sighed, pushing his hair back for a moment. “I’ll do what I can about Isaac. You okay with Elise?”

“Peachy,” Lila replied with a curt nod. “Unlike Isaac, she’s actually told me about her crush.”

“That makes it a bit easier, then,” Asher commented. “Alright, well, I’m going to take him for another grand tour of the school – hitting up those teachers that I need along the way. Has Daniel told you where he’s at with it all? I’m assuming that he’s just to continue plodding along as he has been, but I don’t want to interfere with his thoughts. It’s a big step.”

“He locked himself into his room last night after dinner and had locked it before dinner, too. I actually haven’t seen him for a bit.”

“That’s alright – for now. He’ll have to face the idea of getting this resolved someday – even if he decides to shut down the whole operation. Besides… it’s a liability for him, at this point, with those Grade 12s.”

“Agreed,” Lila murmured. “Thanks again, for helping him.”

“It’s not a worry for me,” Asher responded with a smile. “Actually, it helps me worry less – that I can be productive in helping him still, and that, if he follows our recommendations, everything will be running just fine.”

“Are you guys going to just stand here?” the sharp, impatient voice of Harrison asked. It seemed that Lila and Asher had progressively stepped closer together, leading to a pile-up outside the locker room. Lila rolled her eyes upon hearing Harrison speak – she still hadn’t forgotten what he’d tried to do to her in Term One.

“Was thinking about it, actually,” Asher replied coolly. It seemed that he wasn’t pleased with Harrison, either, despite the fact that they were soccer teammates. Asher did take a step back, opening up the hallway so others could get past.

With the rush of students brushing past them both, Lila knew they wouldn’t be able to carry on a conversation. So, she settled on catching Asher’s attention and waving at him. He gave her a half-wave, seeming slightly downcast at this turn of events, before heading off to his section of the locker room.

“Gee, you took your time,” Elise commented once Lila managed to reach her locker.

“Yeah, I was just talking to Asher about something. You ready to go?” Lila asked conversationally, plucking out her morning tea and shoving her other belongings inside her locker before closing it.

“Yeah,” Elise replied, her voice muffled due to the cookie she’d already started eating. “Grace’s got a music lesson, so it’s just us.”

They leisurely set off to an empty spot under an awning, before both decided that it was far too cold to sit down. They continued their walk, chatting about a variety of things before finding themselves by the Counselling Services building.

“I’m not gonna lie, I’m kinda curious about this memorial wall thing for Piper,” Elise said softly, looking towards the building apprehensively. From where Lila was, she could see a few students standing in a huddle inside the lobby. Were they crying?

“I’m curious, too, but… I don’t think I should take a look,” Lila replied just as softly, looking back towards the road.

“Why?”

“It’s… not like I was friends with her. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that we were enemies, but… well, you know what happened.”

Elise nodded. “Yeah. It was super messed up.”

“I guess it feels like I don’t deserve to be there. It’s a place to respect and mourn her. It would be wrong of me to stand there with her friends when I have such negative memories about her,” Lila said, her tone grave. Elise simply nodded again, and they strolled down the path in relative silence.

Once the Counselling Services building was far out of sight, Lila chanced a peek at Elise. Elise seemed deep in thought about something before her hazel eyes lifted to meet Lila’s.

“What’s up?” Elise queried, a small smile on her face. Lila returned her smile with a mischievous one of her own.

“So, make any moves on Isaac yesterday?”

Elise turned bright red, spluttering for a few seconds. “N-Not at all,” she finally managed to say.

“You guys seemed close yesterday afternoon,” Lila replied, bumping Elise gently with her hip. “You should make a move, you know.”

“Y-You reckon?” Elise sounded uncharacteristically timid, her usual fire seeming depleted.

“Of course,” Lila replied enthusiastically, bounding before Elise and walking backwards. “Seriously. I reckon you’d be in with a good chance, at least.”

“A… chance,” Elise mumbled, her face fire-engine red. “I dunno. M-Maybe not.”

“Aw, why not?” Lila pouted. “Haven’t you thought about it?”

“I-I guess… I just… think that maybe I’m not ready for a relationship,” Elise replied, avoiding Lila’s gaze entirely. “Uh, what with Mum and all that. I’m so busy, y’know. A-And Maccas doesn’t like it when their employees date each other.”

“Surely that’s only, like, when a manager and an employee’s dating each other, right?” Lila asked, raising an eyebrow. Elise still didn’t meet Lila’s eyes.

“No, just in general. They say it’s, um, distracting.”

“Boo. I mean, you don’t have to tell them, right?”

“I-I guess not,” a grimace flashed across Elise’s face so quickly as she said this that Lila thought perhaps it was an involuntary spasm. Then, Elise looked up at Lila.

“Why don’t you make a move on Asher?” she asked, her expression seeming smug. Lila wasn’t quite sure what kind of reaction this was – just that it was odd. Was Elise just trying to get Lila off her back about Isaac?

“I feel like I’ve already told you that I don’t want to pressure him,” Lila reluctantly said, turning around and waiting for Elise to catch up. They walked in unison, looping their arms together, down the path towards the tuckshop.

“Well, that was not wanting to pressure him into telling you what he’s waiting for,” Elise stated matter-of-factly. “You could totally make a move.”

Lila’s face felt as though she was next to an open oven. “I- well. I g-guess I could, but… h-he might reject me again. Say he’s not ready.”

Elise brought her head to Lila’s, soothingly patting her arm. “It really hurt when he rejected you, huh?”

“… Yeah. I’m glad it wasn’t a full rejection – y’know, where he said he didn’t like me back – but… it still was one. And then he’s been confusing me ever since.”

“Sounds rough,” Elise said sagely. “Are you sure you want to still stick around for him? So far he’s making you false promises.”

Lila exhaled deeply – it seemed to come from her very soul. “Look, realistically, I only told him, what, just over two weeks ago? It’s not that long.”

“Sure it’s not – but it’s also far too long for him to leave you hanging, don’t you think?”

“Holly really hurt him. I don’t blame him for wanting to take his time before rushing into things.”

“I don’t either, but the guy’s liked you since forever. I thought for sure by now you’d be banging.”

“I-It’s way too soon for that!” Lila insisted, her face burning.

It was Elise’s turn to flash Lila a mischievous smile. “Is it? How long would you be planning to wait?”

“I… haven’t thought about it.”

“About banging him, or about how long you’d wait to bang him?” Elise waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Lila’s stomach dropped as she considered the question, her heart making itself known – loudly – within her chest. She knew that her poker face had given way, what with the Cheshire cat-like grin on Elise’s face. Lila started fumbling for a response, searching for words within the stones embedded in the pavement-

“Lila!”

Lila turned to her left, seeing, to her horror, Asher and Isaac rapidly approaching. She squeaked, hiding behind Elise as her first instinct. Elise’s questions ran through her mind, over and over again – along with the answer her body was desperate to say.

But it was an answer that she didn’t want to tell with Asher standing right there.

“I’m not that scary, am I?” Asher chuckled, stopping just short of Lila and Elise. Elise snorted.

“Not scary at all, according to Lila. In fact, she-”

“Shut up!” Lila cried, beginning to drag a chortling Elise back the way they came – towards PC. To Lila’s relief, Elise didn’t ask again, or push the point… though, with the diabolical way she continued to grin, Lila was pretty sure that Elise had come to her own conclusion – whether it was true or not.

Today’s PC class was yet another free time period. Now that Lila had calmed down from Elise’s interrogation, she had begun to wonder… how long were people waiting to start having sex?

So, naturally, Lila turned to Grace, who was scrolling on her phone whilst humming softly – presumably what she was practicing in her vocal lessons.

“Grace, how long did you wait before you started having sex with your partner?” Lila asked in a low voice. Grace’s eyes almost bulged out of her head, her expression flustered and flushed.

“W-What?” Grace managed to choke. Elise’s eyes darted to Lila before she eagerly huddled close to Grace.

“Well, I was just curious. How long was it before you and your partner started having sex?” Lila whispered, leaning in towards Grace as well.

“W-Who’s to say we are?” Grace’s voice was distinctly shrill, though not loud enough to attract the attention of Ms Wang. Elise and Lila just looked expectantly at Grace, who sighed in defeat.

“I mean, each relationship is different. You don’t need to abide by any timeline,” Grace explained. Elise and Lila continued to stare at Grace. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

“It… was a couple of months.”

“A couple of months?” Lila repeated, blinking in surprise. “That doesn’t seem that long.”

“What, you think that’s a short amount of time?” Elise queried, whipping her head to face Lila.

“Well, I dunno,” Lila shrugged. “It just… sounds short.”

“Like I said, every relationship is different,” Grace said reasonably. “I mean, some people have sex on the first date, others have one-night stands, and some people are virgins until they get married. Why’d you ask?”

Lila glanced at Elise before looking back at Grace. “No reason. Just curious.”

“Could you warn me next time you’re going to ask me something like that?” Grace requested, her expression sincere. “I’m not ready to die of a heart attack just yet.”

“Sorry,” Lila replied sheepishly. “It just came to mind.”

Grace smiled, showing that she wasn’t angry with Lila, before switching the topic to Modern History.

The rest of the day passed without much incident, including lunchtime as a group. As usual, Asher delivered a delicious lunch to Lila’s awaiting hands, courtesy of Gabriel, and they sat together whilst Grace, Elise, and Isaac sat slightly away from them. As a group, they engaged in some light banter and jokes, though Lila couldn’t quite disentangle the idea that there was an unusual atmosphere in the room today. Perhaps it was because Asher seemed more interested in joining the group conversation than usual. He’d hardly met her eyes all lunch.

Though… Lila was also avoiding his gaze as much as she could – otherwise, she’d lose her composure. Elise’s questions still plagued the back of her mind, after all...

Or was it because of the way Elise and Isaac seemed to sneak peeks at each other, accompanied by a light blush, in between bits of fierce banter and even playful insults? It felt as though they were sharing a different type of energy upon returning to school. Was it because they’d been working so much together at Maccas over the holidays?

By the time they packed up, Lila still hadn’t settled on a reason for the noticeable shift in the atmosphere. It still bothered her throughout Modern History, but, once she was released for Biology, Lila had a different concern.

Cecelia and Lucas were already inside at their usual table, sitting almost on top of each other. They were giggling and whispering about something that Lila didn’t want to be privy to, for fear of throwing up.

“Hey guys,” Lila said cheerily, placing her bag down on the seat next to her. “How were your holidays?”

Cecelia and Lucas exchanged a meaningful look before looking back at Lila.

“Pretty good,” Cecelia giggled. Lila watched as Lucas tried to stifle his giddy expression, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

“I had a question, actually,” Lila said candidly, taking her laptop out of its case.

“Shoot,” Cecelia nodded, smiling brightly.

“Have you guys had sex yet?”

“Jesus Christ,” Lucas’ face was as red as a cherry tomato before being overcome by a hacking coughing fit. Cecelia rubbed his back, her expression concerned, passing over her water bottle to Lucas with her free hand.

“Sorry,” Lila said meekly. “I’ve been getting that kinda reaction all day, but I haven’t learned.”

“Why are you asking?” Cecelia asked once she was satisfied Lucas had drunk some water.

“Just… curious.”

“That’s a random thing to be curious about,” Lucas replied, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “I mean, I… I don’t mind talking about it i-if Cee’s fine with it.”

Cecelia glanced at Lucas before turning back to Lila with a nod.

“I mean, since it’s you, Lila, I don’t mind-”

“Sorry I’m late, class,” Mr Johnson’s gravelly voice travelled through the room before he did, the door to the Bio lab slamming shut behind him. “We’ve got a video today to start off, then we’ll be going through some worksheets.”

The class seemed to buzz with excitement at today’s agenda. Lila was also rather enthused by this turn of events – it meant that she could talk to Cecelia and Lucas without Mr Johnson breathing down their necks. Well, if they managed to keep their conversation to a minimal volume.

The trio sat in silence as Mr Johnson fiddled around with the projector. He finally started up a video about viral infections – this one being focused on the COVID-19 pandemic – and sat back, watching it as well.

Cecelia gestured to Lila to move a bit closer. She complied, her curious eyes taking in her friends’ blushing faces with interest.

“S-So, you wanted to know when?” Cecelia clarified, her voice just barely loud enough to hear with the video in the background. Lila nodded. Cecelia and Lucas exchanged another glance before Lucas spoke.

“It happened the night of Semi, actually,” he confessed, his face deepening in colour. Lila’s eyelids flew open, her expression frozen in stunned amazement at the revelation. Cecelia shifted in her seat coyly, tucking a wisp of hair behind her ear.

“That- wow. I didn’t realise it was so soon,” Lila managed to whisper after a few seconds.

“We… uh… couldn’t get our hands off each other,” Cecelia explained, her voice taking on an embarrassed note. “I… well, I at least had a crush on Lucas for so long that… once we became official, I couldn’t hold back.”

“It was the same here, don’t worry,” Lucas smiled at Cecelia. They looked tenderly into each other’s eyes before seemingly remembering that Lila existed.

“Why’d you ask?” Lucas questioned, his face slowly returning to its usual colour. “I know you said you’re curious, but something’s made you curious, right?”

“Wait,” Cecelia interjected, sitting up straight, her eyes sparkling. “Are you and Asher dating?”

“No,” Lila sighed despondently. “Nothing like that.”

“Friends with benefits?” Cecelia guessed.

“Definitely not. I… wanted to be in a relationship first.”

“Whoa, hold on,” Cecelia breathed, leaning in even closer. “You guys talked about it? Wait, wait, wait! That’s progress!”

“We… did talk about it, yeah. I told him I liked him, and then he told me he did too-”

Cecelia emitted the beginning of a squeal before Lucas expertly placed a hand over her mouth, effectively silencing her. Lila didn’t want to ask how much practice he’d gotten in at doing that and instead continued on.

“-but he said he couldn’t date me.”

“Why?” Cecelia pressed, batting away Lucas’ hand. “That makes no sense.”

“Well… he was pretty hurt by his last relationship…” Lila trailed off with a sigh.

“With Holly?” Lucas clarified, tilting his head while he waited for an answer.

“Yeah,” Lila sighed again, placing her head in her hands.

“I thought I heard he got her pregnant,” Cecelia said, her tone scandalised. Lucas shot her a stern look and she gave Lila an apologetic smile.

“That’s… kinda what messed him up. It’s not his,” Lila explained.

Lucas again stifled Cecelia’s attempted shriek in reaction to Lila’s statement. Lila met Lucas’ eyes and he nodded, encouraging her to continue.

“A-Anyway, I mean, that’s a hard thing to get over, right? So… I’ve let him be. But one of my friends asked if we were banging, or if I’d given any thought as to how long I’d wait before doing that with Asher. I mean, it’s not like we’re close to that at all, so I honestly hadn’t thought about a timeframe. That’s why I asked.” Lila finished up with yet another sigh.

“I see,” Lucas replied, removing his hand from Cecelia’s mouth. “Look, I don’t think you should compare what we did to what you want to do. Like Cee said, we’d liked each other for a while, so it just… kinda made sense. Not that… I really had any sense in my head at the time.”

Would Lila be like that? If they were to start dating? It… was admittedly harder to control herself. But, at the same time, Asher would probably want to wait. After all, Holly had tried for their whole relationship to get Asher to sleep with her and he didn’t… Would he be the same with Lila?

“The main thing is,” Cecelia cut in, her words forcing Lila to look at her, “that you shouldn’t feel pressured. If it feels right to you guys to wait, then wait. If you’d prefer to not wait, then don’t. I mean, it’ll happen eventually, right? Especially since you guys like each other and he’s not a virgin.”

Lila had to stop herself from correcting Cecelia on that front by firmly pressing her lips together.

“I… guess,” Lila reluctantly said after a few moments of silence. “Thanks for the intel, guys. Sorry for asking such a personal question.”

Cecelia smiled kindly at Lila. “Lila, I don’t think I’ll ever forget how you helped me before Semi. And technically during Semi, since you were standing there as we got together. I hadn’t told literally anyone about my feelings up until that point… and to hear that you were going through something similar gave me courage. Of course I don’t mind giving you that kind of info – well, with Lucas’ ‘okay’. Since it’s also about him.”

Lucas also smiled at Lila. “Happy to be of assistance.”

Lila returned their smiles with one of her own. She was particularly touched that Cecelia had felt that way about their talks earlier in the year. The feeling was pretty mutual, after all – after knowing that Cecelia was going through something similar, Lila’s own feelings had become more manageable to deal with since she wasn’t as alone as she’d thought.

The rest of their lesson plodded along, with Cecelia and Lucas making light-hearted jokes here and there about what they were learning. Lila didn’t join in, though she did occasionally laugh. Her mind was elsewhere, mulling over what she’d learned.

She was still thinking about it while changing into her hockey uniform that afternoon. She couldn’t understand why she seemed to feel so anxious about it all, or why she couldn’t get it out of her head. It had gotten to the point that even Willow and Alice noticed after Lila huffed in irritation, taking her shorts off and putting them back on the right away.

“Girl, what’s going on?” Willow asked, sharing a look with Alice, who was retying her curly red hair into a high ponytail.

“Just thinking about stuff,” Lila replied, undoing her hair so she could tie it up securely.

“Well, don’t think so hard,” Alice chuckled. “The hockey season is finishing up soon. Gotta keep some brain power for tactics.”

“Yeah,” Lila uttered lamely. She wasn’t quite convinced she could make any space in her brain for tactics. She supposed it was lucky that it was only practice, rather than an actual match.

“Talking about stuff can help,” Willow said sincerely. “I reckon we’ve got a minute or two before Ms Wright’ll start trying to find us.”

Lila gave a long, low exhale. “I’ve just… been wondering when people have started having sex.”

Willow laughed, clearly surprised. “That’s what’s occupying your mind? Maybe you should date Theo. Get it over with.”

Alice shot Willow a reproachful look before speaking to Lila. “I used to worry about that all the time – whether I should keep my virginity and wait for the right guy, or if I should just go for it, and if I just went for it, would I want to be dating them and if so, how long… it felt like everyone around me was having sex left and right. I… ended up getting a bit of FOMO.”

Willow gasped, staring at Alice in surprise. “Wait, since when? Who?”

Alice blushed, her face matching her hair. “Last term. It was just a one-time thing. Jason.”

“Holy shit,” Lila whispered. She’d almost forgotten about Jason entirely, what with how busy she was thinking about other things this term. But, now that she’d been reminded, she was struck by her other mission – finding out more about the morphine ring, and telling her Dad about the potential that Jason was getting supplies from his Mum… the second-in-charge of the Forestglade Private Hospital.

“You right? You went really pale all of a sudden.” Willow said, staring wide-eyed at Lila.

“I-I’m fine,” Lila replied with a weak smile. How could she be so stupid?

“Do you like Jason?” Alice questioned, suddenly looking very guilty. “I’m really sorry-”

“Definitely don’t like Jason,” Lila interjected earnestly. “I like Asher.”

Both Willow and Alice gasped dramatically.

“No, we’re not dating,” Lila added glumly.

“Friends with benefits?” Alice giggled, nudging Lila. “That’s why you’re asking about sex, right?”

The heat from Lila’s cheeks forced her to fan herself with her shirt as she looked away from both Alice and Willow. “Nothing like that. I… was just curious.”

“Well, tell her your story, Willow,” Alice insisted waving her hand at Willow as an invitation to speak. Willow looked hesitant before shrugging her shoulders.

“I’ve been dating Damian since Grade 9,” Willow’s eyes lit up as she spoke, a soft, tender smile on her face. Lila knew Damian to be another Grade 12 student, though not much else about him. Perhaps he did tennis?

“I think it was about a year until we started having sex,” Willow continued, tapping her chin thoughtfully.

“A year?” Lila repeated incredulously. Now Asher’s six-month refusal with Holly didn’t sound quite so out of the ordinary. Would Asher want to wait a year?

“Well, yeah,” Willow dropped her hand. “I was really nervous about it. I thought we were too young, even at 15 when we started. I think I just psyched myself out, really. He’s… a really good guy, so once we started I kinda wondered why we hadn’t been doing it earlier. Though, I had just gotten a lecture about teen pregnancy from my parents when Damian and I started dating and I think that scared the bejesus outta me.”

“Girls, practice started five minutes ago. Come on, hurry up,” Ms Wright’s exasperated voice rang through the changing room. It seemed that she’d only poked her head in to yell at them as the door swiftly closed and Ms Wright didn’t appear before them. Immediately, the trio scrambled to grab their hockey sticks and water bottles before rushing out onto the oval.

Practice went on as many had, though Ms Wright was distinctly peeved at Lila, Willow, and Alice. This annoyance wore away quickly, with Ms Wright reminding everyone that their next match was coming up shortly. From there, their easy-going lifestyle at one match every couple of weeks or so would ramp up to one every week for the following five weeks.

After that, they’d see if they were in the semi-finals and finals… though Lila wasn’t trying to get her hopes up that they’d make it to the finals. After all, the next school they were versing was St Peters College… They were always toe-to-toe with St Peters until the very end when they would typically lose by one or two points.

Lila briefly wondered if any of the people she saw from Asher’s debating match, since they had versed St Peters back then as well, would also be playing hockey, or even soccer.

Finally, practice was over, with Ms Wright appearing satisfied with their progress by her wry grin.

“See you on Saturday, ladies,” she called as Lila’s team shuffled off the field, dragging their hockey sticks behind them.

Lila cast her eyes over to where the soccer boys were wrapping up their practice. It seemed that Asher and Isaac were in a playful sort of mood, given they kept trying to trip each other up before breaking off into a sprint and chasing each other.

Both stopped, however, when they noticed Lila looking over at them. The rest of the soccer boys started filing off the oval and Isaac and Asher approached Lila.

“You guys look like you’re having fun,” Lila observed with a grin. Isaac glanced at Asher before giving Lila a dazzling grin of his own.

“Yeah,” Isaac agreed, his tone light. “Like I said before, being reunited with my buddy’s the best – especially when he-”

“I’ve gotta go,” Asher interjected hurriedly, his face looking strangely panic-stricken. “See you tomorrow.”

He jogged off the oval without another word. Lila and Isaac watched him go, both with identically bemused expressions. Then, Isaac’s grin returned in full force again, his eyes alight with definite mischief.

“Sorry, Lila, I’ve gotta run, too,” Isaac stated abruptly, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye, I guess,” Lila replied, her hand raised in a half-wave. Isaac ran towards the changing room and Lila heard, once he was within five metres of the entrance, Isaac bellow, “ASHER!”

It was certainly odd, that neither Isaac nor Asher stuck around for even a small conversation with Lila, but perhaps she was reading too much into it. She was incredibly tired anyway – perhaps they were just as keen as her to go home for the day.