Chapter One Hundred and Fifty-Three
It had been pretty late by the time Asher left. Though she'd hoped to watch Marlene's stream that night, in case she spoke about what was in the bag her Dad had left behind at the café, she'd been too exhausted to. Between all the emotions that had run through her yesterday, plus the mystery of her Dad and Marlene and then dinner with Alex, as soon as her head hit the pillow, she was out. She'd just have to watch it tomorrow.
As a result, it also meant that Lila would check in on Daniel after returning home from school. A part of her also hoped that his feelings about Clare's boyfriend would settle by then – in which case, her interrogation would actually bear fruit; pun intended.
She was still rather confused by it all when she placed her school bag in her locker that morning and set herself up for her first two classes – Design and Japanese. Daniel was worried that Clare having a boyfriend would mean she'd move out? Considering the fact that he spent a good portion of his life in his room, Lila thought he'd hardly notice if Clare was gone. Plus, just having a boyfriend didn't necessarily mean she'd move out, either.
"Good morning," Asher's chipper voice made her crane her neck around her locker door. She beamed upon seeing him, closing it promptly and locking it. He took her laptop bag from her with an identical beam on his face.
"I see you're still in a good mood," he said, his own voice joyful.
"Of course," she replied. "I'm offended you'd think otherwise."
"Let's just say I'm glad I was able to turn yesterday around in the end," he said softly, holding his arm out for her to take. "Design first up, right?"
"Yes, sir."
He smirked. "Sir?"
"Well, you seem so fancy and formal, with your arm like this," she said playfully as they began to move along to the Applied Tech building.
"Only for you."
She giggled, and they chatted and joked along the way to her class. Eventually, he reluctantly returned her laptop bag and she said goodbye, carrying her good mood with her all through Design. Surprisingly, she found that it helped her concentrate on her project, which was due in two weeks time.
In fact, she felt the same in Japanese too, though her listening exam was at the beginning of next week. She took the time at the end of her lesson to look through her exam schedule for Japanese and was displeased to see that her speaking exam was in two weeks and her writing exam was in the second-last week of term. Asher was quite right to reduce the time they spent together, it seemed.
He was waiting for her outside as usual once class was over and she rejoined him with a touch more despondence than before.
"I hope that look isn't for me," he said jokingly. She shook her head.
"No. I'm just not excited for all these assignments and exams I have to do."
"But once they're done, we can hang out again," he reminded her gently.
"Doesn't mean there's any more excitement for my assignments and exams."
"At least I tried."
She laughed, stepping closer to him. "Thanks."
"Anytime."
Their journey to the locker room was much the same as this morning in its lightheartedness. After putting away their things and collecting their morning tea, they meandered over to the library, content in each other's company.
They sat down in an empty meeting room, snacking away for some time before her mind turned to the kiss they had in her room and… how he'd touched her.
She started choking, reaching wildly for her water bottle which Asher quickly gave her. She took a long sip, her face flushed from both her thoughts and the choking she'd just survived.
"What happened?" he asked, looking at her in concern.
"N-Nothing," she replied, wiping her mouth. She couldn't look at him directly anymore – her heart would give out if she did.
On the other hand, she wanted to ask him about it – maybe even ask him to do it again – since it was at odds with his typical behaviour when they touched a bit too much. It'd certainly been an escalation – welcome, but further than they'd gone previously.
She shook her head – no way was she going to ask about it. Probably not ever.
"You sure it was nothing?" Asher asked, his concern seemingly growing.
"Yeah. I'm fine. Thanks for checking," she replied after clearing her throat.
Truthfully, she'd been thinking about it all night, trying to hold on to the feeling of his hands and lips on her as far as her memory could allow. Now, though, with him sitting right there, it was a completely different scenario. It brought those memories to a much sharper focus, and her eyes couldn't help but drift towards his hands.
"If you're sure," he said somewhat dubiously. He eyed her carefully before leaning forward, causing her to lean back in reaction.
"So, I couldn't sleep last night," he said conversationally, seemingly not noticing her movement.
"W-Why?"
"Overactive brain," he said, looking intently at the table between them. Had he been thinking about what she'd been thinking about? She was tempted to ask, but couldn't find the words. Instead, she lightly touched where the 'A' rested on her chest, watching as his cheeks turned light pink before quickly returning to their natural colour.
"So, I watched Marlene's stream," he said after a brief pause. "In case she said anything about the bag."
Lila straightened up in her seat. "I fell asleep almost as soon as you left, so I wasn't able to. Did she say anything about it?"
Asher shook his head. "Not a single word. I watched the whole thing, too."
"You should've gone to sleep," Lila said, reaching out to touch his arm. "You need your sleep."
Asher gave her a slight smile. "I know that, but my brain and my body don't, apparently. At the very least, though, I'm a pretty good multitasker." He met her gaze before lightly brushing his hand against the one on his arm. "While I was watching, I also figured out part of the code. At least, what it's meant to be," he added.
"Someone was busy," she said, unable to keep the excitement out of her voice. "What did you figure out?"
"Well…" he pulled out his phone and opened up a photo that he'd taken of the code. "It's coordinates."
"Coordinates?"
"Yeah. Longitude and latitude specifically."
She surveyed the photo. It'd been a while since she'd turned her mind to longitude and latitude, but now that he'd said it, it seemed so obvious.
"Do you reckon it's for 'Beans & Biscuits'?" she asked breathlessly, looking up at him in excitement.
"I thought that too, at first, but I couldn't find a way to make the numbers fit the letters. The attempts I had in my head contradicted each other."
"Hmm… were you able to figure out any of the numbers or letters?"
He shook his head ruefully. "Nope. But… I've already handed in a couple assignments, so I'll be working on it today."
"Don't you have exams, too?"
"Yeah. I'll study in tandem."
"How do you even have space in your brain for that?"
He laughed. "Like I said, I'm a good multitasker. Besides, some of your curiosity has rubbed off on me. It's given me a superpower."
"Are you sure you should be sacrificing study time and, well, resources, since you're in class with your teachers?"
"It's not a sacrifice to get this out of my head," he said simply. "Besides… the way you looked at me just now when I told you that I'd figured out that it was coordinates…" he blushed before tearing his eyes away from her, looking once more at the table. "I really liked it. I wouldn't mind it if you looked at me like that again."
Her heart thudded. "R-Really?"
He simply nodded in response. He seemed shy all of a sudden, though she was one to talk – for some reason, she felt flustered.
"I… like looking at you," she found herself saying. She cringed as soon as she recognised what she said. That… sounded really weird.
"I-I mean-"
"I like looking at you, too," he murmured before lifting his eyes to meet hers. It was like a zap travelled between their eyes and her gaze immediately darted elsewhere. The atmosphere was suddenly intense, as though the zap had charged the very air around them. It… felt almost like the perfect setting for another kiss.
She decided against trying. Though yesterday had been rather successful in the comfort of her room, the reasons he had for maintaining his composure seemed specific to being in her house. She didn't want to get too hopeful too quickly that she wouldn't get cut off again, after all. If she did get cut off again, she might really end up crying without any way of stopping it.
"Pass me your phone again," she said after taking a moment to rearrange her thoughts. He glanced at her in surprise.
"Why?"
"Well, now that we know what it is, it should get us closer to solving it, right?"
He obliged and she looked at the photo with as much concentration as she could muster. If longitude and latitude were numbers now transformed into letters, at the very least the numbers at the end had been transposed from letters – likely the four cardinal directions.
"Did you compare your theory to your decoding spreadsheet again?" she asked quietly. She didn't necessarily want to look silly if he'd already figured out that much at least.
"Nah. I was pretty comfy in bed when I realised it was coordinates after Marlene's stream ended. Didn't want to drag out my laptop again since I'd just put it away."
Lila immediately suppressed images of Asher being 'comfy in bed' flashing in her mind, though her first image of him being tucked under the covers made her smile. The second… was sending her heart rate through the roof. Perhaps she should see a doctor – surely the way he sent her heart into a tizzy was unhealthy. Was there medication for this kind of thing?
"Why's that?" Asher followed up. She looked back at the photo.
"Well… at the very least, the numbers at the end – the 3 and the 2. Surely the '3' is actually South, and the '2' is East."
"Huh," Asher uttered, tilting his head to see the picture. She nudged his phone closer to him.
"Makes sense to me," he said with a satisfied nod. "So, with that, we can confirm that this location is in Australia."
"That's not as helpful as I'd hoped."
"On the contrary, it's pretty helpful. Since we received this message via cat in Australia, I'm going to assume that it's within a reasonable distance to the cat. If it was going to be further away – more international – I doubt the message would be sent via cat, especially if it's intended to be a meeting point. It'd be a lot of admin to set up an international flight based on a few numbers on a photo."
"What's a reasonable distance?"
"Driving."
"Well, you could drive to Alice Springs if you wanted to."
"I was thinking more like… within a couple hours, just to make sure."
"Alright. Let's get a radius up, then."
Lila opened her phone and downloaded a detailed picture of their State onto it. Once it was ready, she zoomed in to their general suburb.
"How far away would you say two hours is?" Lila asked. Asher tapped on his phone before helping her map out the radius.
"A two hour radius is massive ground to cover," Lila lamented. "Especially since part of it goes into the next State."
"True, but any type of narrowing at this point would be helpful."
"You're right, of course."
"I try to be."
"You're very good at it," she grinned, meeting his eyes. He returned her grin before looking back at the code and the radius they'd put on their map.
"Can you send the map to me? Just in case I need it when I try decoding again."
She did so and he nodded. "Thanks."
Lila checked the time and hurriedly stood up. "Shit, it's almost PC."
"Crap."
They packed their things away before booking it to the locker room, hardly slowing for any type of conversation. Lila didn't bother getting her Biology things, figuring that she could grab it on the way out from PC.
Asher still took the time to walk her to class but swiftly sprinted away with a "See you!" as soon as they reached her door. She headed in, finding that her whole class, or at least most of it, were already seated and Ms Wang was partway through the roll.
"Sorry, ma'am," Lila mumbled as she speed-walked to the cluster of desks Elise and Grace were sitting at. Ms Wang simply nodded before resuming the roll. Luckily for Lila, she hadn't quite made it to 'M' yet.
Once everyone who was present was accounted for, Ms Wang stood in front of the whiteboard, her arms folded across her chest and face incredibly serious.
"I hope you were able to enjoy your day off yesterday," she began, her voice stern. "Due to Jason Whitley's recent death, an assembly will be held tomorrow."
"Another one?" Liam grumbled audibly. Ms Wang shot him a disapproving look, but continued on.
"As per usual assemblies, formal dresses, stockings, long pants and blazers please. It will take place during PC."
"Ma'am?" Bailey's hand shot up and Ms Wang inclined her head at him.
"Um, so, why do we need another assembly? We all know he's dead."
Ms Wang was silent for what felt like hours. "You have the privilege of insider information at this point," she finally said. "As far as I'm aware, only Grades 11 and 12 were specifically told in PC classes on Tuesday. Younger cohorts might know due to the article, but they weren't directly told."
"Why?"
Ms Wang sighed. "It was a decision made by the Headmaster."
'Probably because he wants to control a certain narrative – but Grades 11 and 12 ought to know since we're technically the leaders of the school; 12 being current, 11 being incoming,' Lila thought to herself. There was at least some logic to that decision. 'Plus, there's a lot of damage control to be done. Two ex-students murdered within a couple of months or so of each other?'
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"What would you have done?" Bailey asked, his tone far more interested in this than the answers to his previous questions combined.
"I'd prefer not to answer that question."
"C'mon, Ms Wang," Bailey cajoled, looking around the room in an effort to garner support. "How would you have handled this?"
"I won't be entertaining those kinds of questions, Bailey. Undermining authority is not in my role description."
So… she did disapprove of how things had gone. Bailey resumed his protests, but Ms Wang artfully ignored him.
"Just another reminder to make full use of the counsellors if you need to. The rest of today's class is dedicated to free time."
Though Lila had been reminded of Jason's death yesterday, it seemed to feel far more real now that she was back on campus. It was likely that everyone in the school was now alerted to another assembly, which only made Lila wonder… how was Alice coping? Had she made a decision yet?
"The whole murder thing really makes me want to never get expelled, ever," Elise sighed, placing her face on her desk.
"Not that you should've wanted to be expelled before all this," Lila replied, turning her attention to her friends.
"Of course not," Elise grumbled. "I've gotta do well, remember?"
"I remember," Lila smiled, giving Elise an affectionate pat on her shoulder. "How's it all been going, by the way? It feels like you haven't really cut down on your Maccas shifts."
Elise turned her head, glancing at Lila before sighing. "Mum's… been okay. But it's still expensive."
"I thought you had enough saved up for this term," Lila replied gently. Elise turned her head the other way.
"I did… but… things have been getting more expensive, y'know? Have to keep up somehow, and if I drop too many shifts, they won't ask for me to cover and all that either."
Lila hadn't ever worked before, but she supposed it made sense. "Well, as long as you're able to juggle. It's getting to the serious point in the term."
Elise sat up, now looking intently at Lila.
"Sure is. I bet your boyfriend's stressed," Elise said knowingly. She narrowed her eyes at Lila. "Is he back to forcing-"
"Elise," Lila sighed, raising her hand in a 'stop' gesture. "We've talked about this. Asher's never forced me to do anything at all. Study included."
Elise pursed her lips before sinking back onto her desk. "Alright, alright. What about you, Grace? How's your partner coping with school?"
Lila cringed, though she tried to conceal it.
"She's doing okay," Grace replied smoothly. Lila couldn't look at Grace, so she had no idea what kind of expression she had.
"That's good. Are you going to let us meet her one day?"
Lila's curiosity overran her avoidance and she glanced at Grace. Grace looked conflicted, and her eyes met Lila's, as though asking for help. Lila folded her arms, waiting for Grace's answer.
"… Maybe one day. After school's done," Grace eventually said, looking down at her desk. "She's still not out, and she'll be moving schools next term anyway."
"You've got to let us meet her before she moves," Elise insisted, straightening up. "Easiest way for-"
"I can try, but I know she'll say no," Grace murmured. Elise looked at Lila.
"You want to meet her too, right?" she asked. "It's been, like, fifty years since Grace started dating her partner."
'Truthfully, meeting her partner's sucked the both times I did,' Lila thought before sighing. "Look, if Grace's partner is uncomfortable, then that's that. Talking about Asher forcing me and all that."
Elise pouted before raising both her hands in surrender. "You win. I didn't think of it like that, but I guess it'd be forcing her if she's not ready."
"Speaking of love lives," Lila said, desperate to now get away from the topic of Grace and her partner, "how's yours going?"
Elise pressed her face against her desk again. "Same as usual."
"Why haven't you made a move yet?" Grace asked, her tone kind.
"… It's hard to when he keeps talking to Anika at work."
"Well, it's not like Anika goes here. You guys spend heaps of time together at, like, lunch," Lila replied matter-of-factly. "At least, it seems like you do."
It looked like Elise was pressing herself even more into the desk as she mumbled indistinctly.
"Sorry?" Lila uttered.
"Just… don't want to talk about it," Elise said, the hurt clear in her voice.
"Alright," Lila replied softly, giving Elise another pat on the shoulder. Elise turned her head to Grace.
"Wait, why's your partner moving schools?" she asked, her voice still morose. "Surely she could finish the year here, at least?"
Panic crossed through Grace's eyes and Lila felt the need to help her this time – but how? And in a way that concealed that she knew exactly who Grace's partner was?
"… Her… parents are scared of the murders," Grace finally said, avoiding the eyes of both Lila and Elise. "They've decided that she shouldn't affiliate with this school anymore."
"Oh," Elise whispered. "That… makes sense. I bet hers aren't the only ones worried about that. Actually, Dad asked me if I wouldn't think about moving to a state school – not just for the money. I think he's nervous, too."
Lila released the tension that had curled her hands into fists on her desk. That was actually quite a good excuse. She briefly wondered how many more good excuses she'd been fed by Grace but decided not to think about it. Dwelling on something like that would only make her resentful, and she was hanging on by a thread in that regard for the moment.
"My parents have told me to be careful," Lila said after a pause. She may as well add on to this topic, to bolster Grace's claim. "Basically spend as much time as possible indoors."
"Have they told you to stop hanging out with Asher outside of school?" Elise asked.
"Not exactly, but we won't be for a while anyway. I've been taking him away from his studies a bit too much."
Elise looked ready to make a disparaging comment about this before Grace intervened.
"It's a bit unfortunate, but that means you can work on your studies too," she smiled. "Hopefully, all the panic will die down by the time assignments and exams are finished."
"Yeah… I mean, we do have plans in a couple weeks but until then I'll just be seeing him in class and during breaks."
"That's still every weekday," Elise replied, her disparaging comment evidently forgotten. "What's your plans?"
Lila halted, feeling her cheeks heat up. "Well… uh, nothing fancy. Just staying over at his. Uh, from Thursday to Sunday, over the pupil free day weekend."
"That's exciting," Elise grinned before waggling her eyebrows suggestively. "Sounds like you might end up getting up to something."
"No way," Lila replied, shaking her head. She could feel her blush spreading across her face to her ears. "He's still… a bit… well, he stopped us yesterday when we were kissing at his, but then he was fine at mine-" she coughed, forcing her memory of where he'd touched her before Clare interrupted them out of her mind, "-but I really don't think he's ready still. So I'm not going to count on it. We'll probably just end up studying for exams, since it's just before exam block."
"So, what, you just literally sleep together at night?" Elise questioned, seeming disappointed on behalf of Lila. "That's boring."
"Well, if we don't fall asleep on his couch, I'm in the spare room," Lila said quietly.
"Oh well," Elise said with a shrug. "It's only been a month. Ooh, how'd your date go, actually? Did he like the necklace?"
Lila smiled, remembering his reaction to the necklace with a flutter in her chest. "Yeah. He said he'll wear it forever."
"He's such a sap," Elise beamed, lightly tapping Lila on the arm. "You should tell him you love him. I bet he'll explode."
Lila shook her head. "Definitely not. Not… while he's still not ready for anything more."
Elise frowned. "But what if that'll make him-"
"I don't want to force him out of guilt. I… I will tell him one day. It's just too soon now."
Elise sighed in defeat. "Alright. What'd he get you?"
Lila almost answered 'lockpicks' immediately – but that was a suspicious as hell gift with quite a backstory. There was no way she'd tell her friends the truth.
"U-Uh, flowers," she said awkwardly.
"Flowers are nice," Elise smiled in a dreamy kind of way. "Have you thought about pressing them?"
"That's a bit of a random activity," Lila replied.
"Flower pressing is pretty easy," Elise said, "and you can use them for lots of things."
"I didn't know you were into flower pressing," Grace said.
"I didn't even know you were into flowers," Lila added.
Elise's face turned red. "Well, it's kinda a hobby that doesn't take a lot of my time. I can just set and forget it while I'm on shift and whatever. I also made a flower press as one of my first Manufacturing projects. I hate wasting things, so I put it to use every now and then."
Lila tilted her head. "Oh, yeah, I forgot about that."
Grace grinned. "Elise, I feel like you're so much more of a romantic than you portray. Looks like we should tell Isaac to get you flowers."
"Stop," Elise replied shortly. "He doesn't like me. There's no way he'd get me flowers. Besides, he's allergic. Remember how he was sneezing when he asked you to semi?"
"I forgot about that," Grace replied, looking crestfallen.
"Anyway, I can lend you my flower press if you'd like to give it a go, Lila," Elise said. "It's not the most thrilling hobby, but you get some pretty keepsakes."
"Thanks," Lila smiled, "I'll keep that in mind, but I don't need it for now."
"No worries."
The rest of PC involved some bits of gossip, but otherwise nothing of real note – which Lila was quite glad for. Though she was starting to become more normal with Grace, there were still plenty of uncomfortable moments.
As usual, Asher was waiting for her once PC ended, and she checked that he knew about tomorrow's assembly. He nodded grimly, but otherwise changed the topic back to something lighthearted that they'd discussed earlier in the day on the way to Bio.
The rest of the day rushed by, including lunch with Asher. He'd been no closer to solving the code, but otherwise they both enjoyed each other's company without any mention of the more stressful things that had happened over the course of this week.
English involved intense focus on their assignments, and Maths featured the same – minus Asher, of course. Once school was done for the day, Lila and Asher linked hands, walking towards the bus station after assembling all their things.
"Shame I won't be going home with you," Lila sighed as they approached the teacher on hat duty.
"I wish you could come home with me, but-"
"It's fine, truly. I'd feel terrible if you lost your Dux status because of me."
"The fault would be mine, Lila."
"No, it'd be mine, since I'm a distraction."
"Lila, I didn't say that to make you feel guilty," he said seriously, stopping them both in their tracks. "Believe me, it'd be my fault for not studying hard enough. Once this is all over, we can celebrate, yeah? Think about what you might want to do. You said you hadn't gone to see a play, right? That could be something. It's also warming up, so maybe we could go to a theme park, or play mini golf, or-"
"Asher," she smiled, shaking the hand that was still in hers, "it sounds like all you think about is date ideas."
He glanced at her before swiftly looking at her bus stop. "Not… entirely, but I do think about them."
Her smile widened. "You're so sweet."
"You think so? Despite-"
"If you bring up something to pull the mood down, I won't forgive you," she said sternly.
"R-Right. Then… I guess I am sweet."
"Exactly."
She started walking again, pulling him along with her until she reached the line for her bus. She turned around and he returned her belongings to her.
"I'll see you tomorrow," he said softly. He hesitated for a moment before giving her a goodbye kiss.
"See you then," she smiled, reaching up to gently touch his cheek. He squeezed her hand and stood back, for the bus had arrived and students were starting to clamber on. She waved, which he returned, just as she sat down. He remained standing at the bus stop until it pulled away from the station and into the heart of Forestglade.
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Daniel took his merry time to get home that afternoon. She'd almost forgotten that she'd promised to talk to him, since she was that absorbed in study, but when his door slammed she was rudely reminded of that commitment. She stretched, glad in some small part for the break. She was not glad, however, for the likely strange conversation she'd have to have with Daniel about Clare and her boyfriend.
She'd contemplated asking Asher for his opinion on it all when she'd seen him but decided against it in favour of a more lighthearted day. Now that she was about to knock on Daniel's door, however, she wished that she had talked to Asher after all. He usually had good insight into these things.
Though, he was an only child. Would he have advice for a situation so foreign to him as sibling dynamics?
She shook her head, taking a deep breath. No more stalling. She knocked twice.
"What?" came Daniel's sharp response.
"It's me."
"Yeah? What do you want?"
"Can I come in?"
She could hear his weary sigh from where she was standing.
"Whatever."
Lila opened the door. Daniel was sitting at his desk, though it didn't look like he'd turned anything on quite yet.
"Why're you here?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I wanted to talk to you."
"Clearly."
"About Alex."
He snapped his mouth shut and spun away from her. "What about him?"
"Daniel, what's going on?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well… you've been resistant about Clare's boyfriend ever since you heard she had one. You weren't like that with me, and it seems like something's still off with you despite meeting him."
Daniel roughly threw his hands into his hair before slowly turning back to Lila. "You can sit down."
She took a seat on his bed, watching his expression carefully. He seemed to be experiencing a whole range of emotions that he was having trouble wrangling, what with the way his lip trembled and his eyes darted around.
"You… said that you were worried Clare would move out if she had a boyfriend. What does that mean?"
"It means… what I said," he murmured after a very long pause.
"It's quite a leap to make, you know."
"I… don't really want to talk about it," he mumbled, placing his head in his hands.
"I feel like you should," Lila said gently. "If not with Clare, then with me. Or our parents. I'm worried about you."
Daniel stiffened before looking up at Lila. "Even if you think it's stupid, you can't laugh."
"I wasn't planning to."
He crossed his arms, now turning his eyes to his knees. "I… I'm scared that… now that she's got a boyfriend, she'll move out and leave us."
Lila didn't say anything, waiting instead for him to elaborate. He sighed.
"I'm… not stupid. I know that, one day, you and Clare are going to move out. And… it makes me sound like a little kid but that means I'll be alone then. As much as I love Mum and Dad… you and Clare have always been around. I don't want to be alone, but being the youngest basically means I will be in the end. Clare's five years older than me, so I always knew she'd leave first but… it feels too soon."
"Oh," Lila uttered.
"And… I want to make sure this guy's right for her, you know. It-" he looked frustrated as he searched the ceiling for the words he needed to convey what he was feeling. "It might not feel like it, but I actually do love you guys and I don't want to see either of you be hurt." He sighed, staring back down at his knees.
"When it came down to trying to get you and Asher together, it was a no-brainer. When I was younger, in like Grade 4 or 5 or whatever, he'd let me play with him and his friends at lunchtime when they were playing soccer. Then, when I joined the co-curricular, we had a few training sessions together and he'd always help me out. I don't even know if he remembers all that, since this was ages ago, but he'd also always be looking at you, or for you. At first, I thought it was weird and I'd try to keep you away but then I figured out what it meant. Year after year, it was the same and I thought… this guy's sincere, at least. Then, I heard he was really smart and I reckoned it wouldn't be a bad thing if you two got together. When he asked me for your number, I thought for sure it was to ask you out, so I gave it to him and waited. Didn't know he had a girlfriend at the time." Daniel shook his head disdainfully.
"Anyway, when he started helping me with the Banker stuff, and I saw how you two got along, it just made sense. We don't hang out and we're not friends, really, but I felt like I knew him well enough that I could trust him with you. So I bugged him to get his act together. With Alex… I don't know who the hell he is. He looks terrifying but his personality is terrified. I don't know where Clare found him, but I want her to put him back. I can't trust him farther than I can throw him, and I doubt I could even lift half of him."
He paused. Lila pursed her lips as she absorbed all of this information.
"He'll probably hurt her," he whispered. "She'll move out, get heartbroken, and won't be Clare anymore."
"Well, just because you go through a breakup doesn't mean you're no longer the same person," Lila interjected.
Daniel gave her a half-hearted smile. "Don't you remember, Lila? A couple years back? Clare never told me what happened, but one day she stopped smiling. For ages. You're on the other side of the hallway, so you probably didn't hear how much she'd cry at night. Not like I did, anyway. It… was pretty obvious to me that a guy did that to her."
Lila faltered. That must've been when Clare's friends with benefits situation fell apart. Now that Daniel said it, plus the stories Clare had told her about that guy, it suddenly locked into place. He was right – she had changed drastically around that time. But then… she bounced back. At the time, Lila had thought she'd had trouble adjusting to Uni, and Clare never shared her feelings even when Lila had asked. It was only this year that it started to shift, and really after Lila and Asher had caught her working as 'Roxy Wurld'.
"But the same thing could happen to Asher and me," Lila said quietly. "You don't seem so worried about that."
Daniel nodded. "That's because if you guys break up, it'd be you who did it."
"What?"
"That guy's way too obsessed with you to ever think about breaking up," Daniel said matter-of-factly. "And, anyway, you guys are still in school. If he hurts you, I just have to walk around campus to find him and beat him up."
Lila looked at him, her eyebrow raised. Daniel probably couldn't beat up a fly.
"I can feel you judging me," Daniel said curtly. "I might pay other people to beat him up."
"Well, that makes more sense."
Daniel slumped back into his chair, his eyes distant. "All this to say… I guess I'm scared that everyone's growing up and moving on. But I'm stuck five years in the past for Clare, then two years behind you."
"I appreciate you telling me all this," Lila said softly, now that it seemed he'd finished talking. "I get what you mean, too. With Clare going. It won't be the same here when she does. But I know that she doesn't have any plans for that anytime soon, at least. She said to me once that… she doesn't want to move out and leave us behind, but that can only hold her here for so long, you know? Change is always going to happen and it sucks, and it's hard to adjust. But we can't stop her from living her life too." Lila paused before pursing her lips.
"In terms of Alex, though… I, uh, hadn't met him before, but Clare did talk to me about him a while ago. Before they got together officially. She struggled a lot with deciding what she wanted and whether she could put aside her vulnerabilities – and whether he was worth her doing that, too. She eventually did, and she seems really happy. She's told me that she feels safe and comfortable with him, and that when they're together it feels like she's at home. She trusts him, too. The other guy… the one that made her cry, like you said – she wasn't able to be honest with him. Apparently, she is with Alex. She was pretty scared of losing him, actually. So… I don't think you need to worry about him so much. Obviously, if we see him again and he's giving off red flags, we should take note of them but otherwise, like I said, she's happy."
Daniel still looked troubled. "But, Lila, he looks-"
"I know what he looks like," Lila interrupted him before he could say anything rude. "But, like you said, his personality is quite the opposite of his appearance. Besides, Mum and Dad seemed fine with it." She wasn't about to say that they approved of what he looked like. She also wasn't about to tell Daniel that part of their Mum being fine with Alex came from their deep conversation with her about her past and Clare's happiness at Coolisimo. He was still too young for those revelations.
Daniel remained quiet for a while. Lila didn't want to interrupt his train of thought, so patiently waited for him to be ready for more discussion – if he still needed it.
"Sometimes I feel like… I'm mature. Mostly 'cause of the Banker stuff. But I'm really not. Even though I hear what you're saying, I can't… my feelings haven't changed. I'm still scared, and it makes me feel like I'm still at preschool, crying 'cause you two are leaving me to go to big kid school. Well, bigger than preschool, anyway…" he trailed off, his eyes shining.
Lila crossed over to him, pulling him into a hug with him still seated. "Who said you had to grow up fast anyway?" she murmured, patting his hair. She felt him tremble in her arms and he seemed to be holding back tears. "It's okay to still be immature. You're only thirteen. You're a tough guy, but even I'm immature, you know? Heck, Clare can be, too, and she's a legal adult. Kinda scary, if you think about it."
He snorted and relaxed into her hug. "Guess you're right."
"I, at least, won't be going anywhere for a while. Honestly, you'll probably be begging me to move out by the time I'll be thinking about it." She paused, though he didn't say anything. "It's fine to be scared, and it's fine to not want change. The thing about change though is that it happens anyway. We just have to take it when it comes. And, at least, when Clare goes, I'll be there with you. We can think of it as a practice run for when I leave at, like, 40. And you know exactly how to entice me back, too. Just have to get Mum to make tocino."
He snorted again and she rested her chin on his head. "You feeling okay?" she asked after a few moments of silence.
"Better. Just."
She patted his hair again. "You don't have to force yourself. I know what I've said doesn't change anything, really, but I hope it can help you feel okay about it one day."
"… Thanks, Lila."
"Anytime. I seriously mean that, too."
"I know."
She smiled. At least there was that.
To her surprise, he tightened his hold on her. "I'm glad you're my sister," he whispered.
That was probably the sweetest thing he'd ever said to her.
"And I'm glad you're my brother," she replied, squeezing him slightly. Neither spoke for a moment before Daniel wriggled away from her.
"Now… please get out before I throw up," he said, a small smile on his face.
"Alright, alright," Lila grinned, making her way to the door. She rested her hand on the handle before turning to him. "Clare's worried about you too. What should I say to her if she asks?"
Daniel sighed. "… Just that we've talked and I feel a bit better. Maybe throw in an apology for how I was with Alex. I was a bit of a dick. But… nothing else, please."
"Okay. See you later."
"See you, sis."