Chapter Eight

Though Lila and Asher didn’t manage to talk much during English the next morning, they did occasionally smile at each other, their eyes conveying an encouragement that penetrated deeper than their progress on the presentation. Lila left English that day with a small wave goodbye at Asher and an enjoyable sensation running down her back, hands tingling with the excitement of a secret shared between them. She made her way to her next class, grinning like an idiot, and remained more-or-less like that before her smile was dulled by the whispers of a rumour.

It was at lunch whilst waiting in line for the tuckshop that she heard someone sneer behind her.

“Lila is such a slut. Asher is taken and she’s just jumping all over him. Poor Holly.”

“I know right! What a pick-me homewrecker. Holly is wayyy too nice and pretty for that bullshit.”

“Ugh, Lila is so average too, like Asher really hit the jackpot and he’s going to throw it away for what? Some Asian chick?”

Lila resisted the urge to turn around as the two voices behind her descended into cackles, given she was unsure whether they knew she was just ahead of them. As her face drained of any colour, she suddenly wasn’t entirely sure whether she had the strength in her legs to even try and face them.

“Whoa, whoa,” a familiar voice said, coming to her side and grabbing her arm gently as she struggled to steady her footing. “You okay?”

Lila looked up at her saviour and found herself in the company of Isaac. He was significantly taller and more tanned than when she’d last been in his company, looking like a string bean in comparison. The warmth in his green eyes burst the floodgates holding her tears back. This clearly flustered Isaac as he looked around as if trying to find someone to help him, but no help came.

“Lila,” he said quietly, “do you want to have lunch with me? I already have my lunch, but I can wait for you.”

Sniffling, she nodded, wiping her face with her blazer, trying not to cry any further. Isaac remained next to her in line until she could get inside to grab some lunch before rejoining her at the exit. They walked in silence for a while until they found a spot to sit under the shade, some ways away from her usual spot with Elise and Grace. Despite being her best friends, Lila was a tiny bit grateful that Isaac had offered to have lunch with her today. She knew that her friends would just get livid on her behalf, and while it was certainly appreciated, it wouldn’t be helpful in mending her spirit.

Before opening up her wrapped chicken sandwich, Lila sent a quick text to Twisted Bitches’r’Us telling Elise and Grace that some lunch plans had suddenly come up and she’d meet with them in Modern History class that afternoon. A flurry of question marks and messages expressing concern instantly came through but Lila muted the group chat for now and locked her phone screen.

“Are you okay?” Isaac asked, surveying her with apparent suspicion as he peeled his banana.

“Yeah… well… no,” Lila said quietly, suddenly no longer hungry.

“I heard them too,” Isaac said, looking up into the branches of the tree they were under as a burst of wind twisted through the leaves. “The comments about you.”

Lila’s eyes watered again as she looked at her lap, knowing full well that if she took a deep breath now, it would all be over and she’d be a sobbing mess.

“Lila, I know you and I know Asher,” Isaac told her gently, abandoning his banana to look at her. “I know those rumours aren’t true… and I’ve heard worse.”

“Is that supposed to be comforting?” replied Lila morosely.

“I thought so, but now I don’t know anymore.”

“Thanks for trying,” Lila said with a watery smile. “Please never do that again.”

Isaac sighed heavily before looking down at his banana and taking a bite.

“I don’t think you’re average, by the way,” he said, swallowing. “I mean, clearly, given we dated a couple years ago.”

“Uh huh,” replied Lila, still looking at her chicken sandwich, considerably deflated.

“Despite all his smarts, though,” Isaac continued, taking another bite of his banana. “Asher sure is an idiot.”

“No, he’s not,” Lila said feebly.

“He is,” Isaac nodded vehemently, the remainder of his banana wobbling in agreement. “He knows how the rumour mill works. And despite that, he threw you under the bus not once, but twice.”

Lila remained quiet. It was true, though. Despite being Dux, Asher was always the butt of the joke as far as the rumour mill and popularity contests were concerned. But this year, it seemed like his standing had improved enough that it was now only Lila getting dragged through the mud.

“It’s because Holly is so popular,” Isaac said, as if reading her mind. “I know she doesn’t go here, but heaps of us went to primary school with her since our schools are so close.”

Isaac finished his banana with apparent relish before moving on to a cheeseburger that he pulled out of his blazer pocket.

“What do you mean by twice?” Lila asked.

“Well,” said Isaac over the frantic unwrapping of his cheeseburger, “firstly, he got way too close to you in the vicinity of Ayla Dean and Brittany Klein. Then he started telling everyone that he’s dating the most popular girl at Mulberry Heights. While some people backed off, others have just gotten nastier, thinking you’re still trying to get in his pants even though he’s in a relationship.”

“What do I do?” Lila despaired, throwing her head into her hands, her eyes brimming with tears yet again.

“The best you can do is ignore it,” Isaac said with a wry smile. “But that’s easier said than done. Trust me. I’ve been through countless nights with Asher trying to pick up the pieces.”

Lila’s shoulders drooped further, her head almost touching her knees.

“I will say though,” Isaac said, scrutinising her whilst chewing his cheeseburger. “Despite getting together with Holly, I don’t think he’s stopped talking about you with me. I feel kinda sorry for Holly if she’s getting the same treatment. It’d be hard to compete with the girl he’s been in love with for years.”

Isaac nonchalantly shoved the rest of his cheeseburger in his mouth while Lila contemplated the exact mechanism behind having the earth swallow her whole. Isaac dusted his hands before speaking again.

“You know that’s why I decided to end it, right?” he asked breezily, leaning backwards on his elbows and looking up towards the bright blue sky.

“Hmm?” Lila murmured, her heart suddenly beating loudly in her ears, half-drowning out Isaac’s voice.

“Asher is my best friend. And I didn’t realise until we started dating how gutted he was that you’d be dating someone else. Especially me, even though I asked if he was okay with it. Every time I tried to talk to him while we were dating, he’d just be all quiet or go hide somewhere. And while you’re great, my buddy is someone I couldn’t lose. It’s still true, though, what I said when we broke up. We’re better off as friends than partners.”

“That… was surprisingly very honest,” Lila said, shocked. Isaac grinned at her and shrugged.

“All I can say is that you’ve been bringing him back to life this year. I don’t know what happened over summer break while I was away in Bali with family, but he hasn’t been himself. I know he hasn’t told me about it not because he doesn’t trust me, but because he doesn’t want to worry me. But, man, he’s still making me worry.”

“I don’t think he’s in love with me, though,” Lila whispered, prodding her sandwich idly.

“I was just as surprised as the whole school that Asher started dating Holly,” replied Isaac, lying down on the grass now, hands behind his head. “But you could be right, of course. He’s very keen on her. Probably as keen on her as he once was with you. He still can’t shut up about you, though, that’s a fact.”

“What does he even say?”

“All sorts of stuff. Recently, he’s been raving on and on about your Daisy Buchanan analysis. Which, I’m sure it’s great, but what an absolute snooze fest. Says stuff like he can’t anticipate the way your mind ticks or something.”

Lila looked up at the sky, her face a deep red. But then she heard a familiar voice behind them call out to Isaac. Turning around, Lila could see it was Asher heading their way.

“O-Oh,” said Asher, locking eyes with Lila before stopping short of the pair and looking down at Isaac, who was still lying on the grass. “A-Am I interrupting something?”

Lila could have sworn that his voice sounded tight, as though he was struggling to enunciate the words he wanted to say. However, a strong gust of wind had simultaneously picked up some leaves and tossed them around their faces. Perhaps he’d swallowed one. Isaac waved a hand lazily to indicate ‘no’.

“Nuh. Just caught Lila crying cause of some rumours. Y’know, the ones you helped to start.”

“Isaac!” Lila admonished, burying her face in her hands and kicking his leg.

“I’m not gonna lie to Asher,” Isaac replied, rubbing the spot where she kicked him. “That’s unhelpful.”

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“Fuck,” Asher hissed, sitting down next to Lila. “I am so, so sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Lila said awkwardly. “I’ll just ignore it. It caught me off guard, that’s all. I hadn’t heard anything yet until today.”

“I can’t let you be the school’s punching bag, Lila,” said Asher gruffly. “Especially not after all your help.”

Lila could see Isaac lift his head a little and raise an eyebrow at her, but she ignored him.

“It’ll die out, I’m sure,” Lila said. “It always does. But… maybe you shouldn’t be seen with me at school. For a while at least.”

Lila looked up at the sky again, a hard lump forming in her throat.

“… That would help, wouldn’t it?” Asher mumbled. He rubbed his stubbled jawline, sighing deeply before standing up again. “Got it.”

He began to wander off in the direction he came as Lila called out, “Asher, wait!”. He held up a hand in a half-wave but didn’t look back.

“It’s no use,” Isaac said lowly, shaking his head. “He’s made up his mind.”

Lila gripped her sandwich, her mind jumping between the idea of swallowing it whole or finding Daniel and giving it to him.

“You sure you’re going to be okay?” Isaac asked, raising his eyebrow again as he looked at her. “I know you said it caught you off guard and, as I said before, that’s honestly not the worst I’ve heard.”

Lila swallowed hard and nodded, unable to form any words in response. Isaac gave her a small, encouraging smile.

“If you need anything, you let me know. Also, you should eat that sandwich instead of strangling it.”

“Thank you, Isaac. I… I really appreciate you rescuing me back there. Also, leave my sandwich alone.”

“I didn’t do anything particularly special,” Isaac replied, a slightly bashful grin on his face. “You needed help and I was just there at the time.”

“Either way, I’m still grateful.”

“You’re welcome… are you going to eat it though?”

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“Where were you?” Elise whisper-yelled at Lila in Modern History as the trio took their places at their usual moulded dark grey plastic table at the back of the classroom which was excessively decorated with wartime posters. Lila tried to ignore Elise as she pulled out her notebook and Rilakuma pencil case, which was made more difficult by the way that Grace was gently nudging her.

“Everything okay?” Grace whispered calmly. “I’d heard from someone that you were with Isaac, crying.”

Lila scowled at her notebook, forcefully flipping to a clean page and writing today’s topic at the top.

“It’s nothing.”

“Did he make you cry?” Elise huffed, her eyes narrowed in a death glare. “'Cause if he did, I’m gonna make him cry.”

“He was trying to cheer me up, actually.”

“Did Asher make you cry?”

“Guys, I know you’re concerned, but I’m serious when I say I’m fine. Just need to get over these stupid rumours.”

Elise and Grace instantly fell silent, glancing at each other briefly before buckling down to write some notes of their own.

“Wait,” Lila said quietly, her breath hitching slightly. “You guys know something. Or have heard something.”

Elise and Grace simultaneously winced, putting both their pens down.

“I’ve… heard a couple things,” admitted Grace, staring at her notebook.

“What have you heard?” asked Lila impatiently.

“It’s not worth it,” Elise said, shaking her head. “You don’t need to know.”

Lila made to argue before remembering Isaac’s advice to forget about it. And to hand over the sandwich. Sighing, Lila continued to jot down notes, tapping her foot against the floor in agitation.

“Lila, I can’t concentrate,” murmured Grace.

“I can’t either,” Lila replied, still tapping her foot.

“If we tell you what we’ve heard, will you stop?” Elise asked, rolling her eyes.

“… It might change things.”

“I don’t know whether it’ll be helpful to know what’s being said,” cautioned Grace, shooting Elise a warning look.

“Look, I don’t want to but I 100% get how Lila’s feeling,” Elise said quietly, looking down at her hands. “Knowing that people are saying things but not what’s being said would kill me, too. And… isn’t it better coming from us than someone else?”

Grace shifted in her seat, looking around the classroom, which was abuzz with table discussions regarding the Vietnam War. Lila peeked at the PowerPoint and saw that each table had been assigned different topics to briefly research and discuss before coming back to the group as a whole.

“It looks like everyone’s doing their work, at least,” Grace said finally, biting her lip.

“Let’s just get that out of the way first,” Elise suggested, pulling open her school-issued laptop. They worked quickly, reaching a consensus regarding their topic before huddling closer together around the table, Lila hardly speaking a word despite her mind racing. What did Isaac mean earlier when he said he had heard worse? What did Elise and Grace know? Should she just tell them not to worry about telling her? It would be easier to ignore if she didn’t know… But at the same time, she knew deep down that she wouldn’t be able to sleep that night, turning her thoughts over and over again until they became silt, to be compacted and turned even more thereafter…

“Lila, I just want you to know that we did warn you,” Grace began hesitantly after softly closing her notebook. “But… Elise is right. It’s better coming from us than someone else.”

Lila inhaled deeply before nodding solemnly. “I know you guys aren’t spreading rumours around about me, so it’s okay. And… I want to know. I… My curiosity is killing me.”

“Well… here goes…” Elise looked at Grace tentatively before continuing. “I heard that you’ve been trying to get into Asher’s pants when he got a girlfriend after stringing him along for years. And that you’re a stupid slut that doesn’t know when to back off.”

“Generally speaking, people have been saying that you have no morals and you’re a pick-me and a homewrecker. Heaps of people think you’re the worst kind of girl – one who doesn’t respect boundaries and just wants to claim victory over Holly by getting with Asher ‘cause you’re jealous of her.”

“There’s also a bunch of people who are just confused in general about why Asher would be a hot commodity. People who think Asher isn’t that bad of a guy have been wondering why you can’t let him be happy with Holly.”

“It turns out that a lot more people than I expected know Holly. Looks like she still does cheer, so if people didn’t know her from primary school, they certainly know her now. Our school goes toe to toe with hers for cheer and she’s their favourite flyer.”

Lila felt herself begin to shake as hot tears streaked silently down her face. Rage coursed through her veins, her body feeling as though it was pumping lava instead of blood. She closed her eyes as her nails dug into her palms and let out a forced exhale. Elise and Grace touched her arms in an attempt to be comforting, but it only fed the fire within her.

“Sorry,” Lila said stiffly, looking down at the desk. “… Thanks for telling me. I just need to be left alone. I’m not mad at you guys.”

Elise and Grace withdrew their hands and the rest of the class passed by in silence, with Elise designating herself as their table’s spokesperson. Lila absorbed nothing and continued to scowl at her notebook. If it wasn’t inanimate, it surely would’ve turned to dust by the time class was dismissed. Shoving all her materials haphazardly into her bag, Lila took off and out of the classroom.

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“Clare,” Lila whimpered, knocking on her sister’s bedroom door, her backpack still hanging off one shoulder. “Clare, I need you.”

Without waiting for a response, Lila opened the door, eyes blurred from tears. Clare was standing in the middle of her room in a mild state of undress, her shirt half over her head. Upon Lila’s entrance into her domain, Clare swiftly pulled her shirt down and folded her arms across her chest, looking half-concerned and half-terrified.

But, despite Clare’s quick reaction and the tears in Lila’s eyes, there was something that Lila could not unsee.

“Clare… what’s that on your ribs?” Lila asked, her backpack dropping to the floor of Clare’s bedroom with a thud.

“N-Nothing,” Clare replied in a high-pitched tone, spinning around to face the back of her room and away from Lila. “W-What’s wrong, Lila?”

“Did you get a tattoo?”

“No, ma’am,” replied Clare, still facing away from Lila. “That’s definitely not what that was.”

“What is it then?”

Clare spluttered for a moment before walking towards her door, slamming it behind Lila.

“You have to promise you won’t tell Mum or Dad or Daniel. Especially Mum.”

Lila held out her pinkie finger. “Pinkie promise.”

Clare still looked apprehensive, though she wrapped her pinkie around Lila’s. Carefully, she lifted her shirt again, exposing her right ribcage to Lila. Upon it was a delicate drawing of a carnation and a snowdrop intertwined with one another. Underneath were two sets of numbers in cursive lettering – 11.01 and 23.01.

Lila couldn’t quite process what she was looking at momentarily before it clicked.

“C-Clare, that’s clearly a tattoo,” Lila gasped.

Clare gently grabbed Lila’s wrist and pulled them both towards her neatly made single bed. They both sat down, Lila still dazed.

“Sorry I lied. I panicked.”

“When did you get it?”

“Last week. I’ve had it booked in for three months though.”

“… Those dates are our birthdays, yeah?”

Clare nodded, a sheepish look on her face. “Yeah. Carnations and snowdrops are the birth flowers for January.”

Lila just continued to stare at where the tattoo was on Clare’s body, her mind reeling. “Mum’s going to murder you.”

“I know. So, keep your promise and tell no one.”

Lila nodded, her expression severe. “Scout’s honour.”

“You’ve never been a scout.”

“I… picked that phrase up from someone.” Lila finally looked away from Clare and towards the closed bedroom door, choosing not to elaborate. They sat in silence for a few moments before Lila spoke.

“That’s really sweet, Clare.”

“What is?”

“Well,” Lila squirmed slightly, struggling to form the words to convey her true feelings. “T-That you got my birthday tattooed on you too.”

Clare smiled gently at Lila. “It’s not right to have a birth flower on there just for me. We’ve shared our birth month from the moment you were born, after all.” She squeezed Lila’s hand affectionately. Lila returned an affectionate squeeze of her own.

“So, what brought you bursting in here?” Clare asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh…” The emotions Lila had been harbouring on the bus ride back home suddenly flooded back, her eyes sparkling with tears.

“What happened?” Clare asked, taking Lila into her arms and stroking her head tenderly. Lila couldn’t help it now. She began to bawl into Clare’s chest, trying to form coherent sentences but failing to finish a single word. Clare didn’t interrupt, continuing to hold Lila as her body was racked with violent sobs that increased in intensity with each strangled breath. Eventually, Lila calmed down, wiping her eyes on Clare’s shirt and snivelling occasionally.

“That was a lot,” Clare said kindly, helping to dry Lila’s eyes with her hands whilst holding her face. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Lila took several shuddering breaths as she relayed the rumours that were swirling around her. Clare nodded at intervals, taking Lila’s words in without much outward reaction.

“Oh, Lila,” she sighed once Lila had finished her explanation. “I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.”

Lila flashed a feeble smile at Clare before she looked down at her hands, unsure about what she could say next.

“I’m only saying this as I’m older and wiser than you,” Clare said with a wink. “Isaac is right. Your best bet is to try and ignore these rumours. But I want you to remember that the people who actually matter – your friends, Asher, your family – all know that you have very good morals. We all know that you wouldn’t dare make moves on Asher while he’s dating Holly. You even said as much the other day, and I believe you. Though, hearing how many people seem to think you’re trying to get with him, it makes me wonder – you are a virgin, right?”

Lila nodded, blushing slightly. “But it’s not like anyone would believe me if I told people that,” she mumbled.

“People can think how they want to think,” Clare said firmly. “Not that whether you are or not actually matters. What people think and say doesn’t change the facts, and it doesn’t change who you are. You’re beautiful, funny and have a good head on your shoulders. And I’m not just saying that because I’m your big sister and I’m obligated to. I mean it. I tattooed your birthday on my body, after all. I wouldn’t do that for just any old Jane Doe.”

Lila laughed meekly. Clare rubbed Lila’s back in a comforting sort of way.

“I, unfortunately, don’t have any solutions for you,” Clare said, pulling Lila back into a hug. “But if you want to rant and rave at me about anything at all, I am here for you. It can help you feel better.”

“Thank you,” Lila said in a small voice, wiping her face again to ensure there were no more tears.

“I don’t like to see you upset, but I know it’s not about me. You should feel all of your feelings. Try not to push them down or bottle them up, okay?”

“Yeah…”

Clare smiled, gingerly pinching Lila’s cheeks. “Let me know if you need help with that too.”

“I will,” replied Lila, getting up from Clare’s bed and crossing her room to let herself out. Pulling her backpack onto her left shoulder, she suddenly turned around to face Clare.

“Are you going out again tonight?”

“Yeah, but I’ll leave at about 8,” Clare replied. “Uni doesn’t start for a couple more weeks, so my friends want to party like there’s no tomorrow.”

There was something in Clare’s voice that Lila couldn’t place, but she opened the door without questioning it.

“Okay. Love you. Be safe.”

“I will. Love you too, Lila. I’ll make some dinner for you and Daniel and keep it in the fridge.”