Chapter One Hundred and Fifty-Eight
Asher greeted her with a warm, comforting smile beside her locker. She gently caressed his face as her own greeting, delighting at the pinkness appearing beneath her fingertips.
"Good morning," she grinned, opening her locker and stuffing her bookbag with her Modern History and Biology materials.
"G-Good morning," he replied, coughing slightly. "You seem chipper."
"Of course," she said, her voice lilting with genuine joy. "I'll always be chipper when I get to see you."
He smiled again, caressing her face this time. "I hope that never changes."
"It won't," she replied confidently. "You're my best friend, you know."
"I know. And you're mine."
His eyes flickered to her lips and she smiled, her heart skipping a beat in anticipation of a kiss. She didn't have to wait long, though it was brief. She pouted as he drew away and he chuckled.
"Sorry. Isaac's on campus and he'd definitely ruin the mood if he saw us."
"What a killjoy."
"I know, but I think he's just frustrated he's not kissing Elise."
"Still."
They headed out of the locker room, hands joined, and bumped right into Isaac.
"Well, speak of the devil," Lila grumbled.
Isaac beamed at her. "And he shall appear. What're you talking about me for?"
"Glad to know you assumed we were talking about you," Lila remarked.
"And were you?"
"Yes."
Isaac looked particularly proud of himself with that fact. "And you made it sound like I was wrong," he admonished her. "Anyway, what's up?"
"Just talking about the fact that you're a pest," Lila sighed. "A killjoy, even."
"Well that's offensive."
"If you find it offensive, how about you just don't be?" Lila retorted. She could see Asher suppressing a laugh from the corner of her eye as she said this.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Isaac replied loftily. "I'm enhancing your joy by getting you two out of trouble."
"I think you're being excessive," Lila huffed.
"All I can say is you should leave space for Jesus. We do go to a Christian school, you know. He's here all around us, or whatever they say. He's in the air or something."
"Well that's offensive," Lila frowned.
"Look, as entertaining as it is to watch you two bicker," Asher said with a smirk, "I think it's time for us to get to class."
Isaac nodded before gasping dramatically and pointing at their still-joined hands. "Trying to flee the scene of your crime, I see!"
"You really should've taken Drama as an elective," Asher sighed, though he didn't let go of Lila's hand.
"Why, you reckon I'd be good at it?" Isaac grinned, pulling his hair back from his face.
"On second thought, definitely not. Perhaps a clown school would suit you better," Asher deadpanned.
"Oi!"
"Why do you all look like you're seconds away from a punch-up?" Elise's voice caused all three of them to look at her.
"He's being a nuisance," Lila said, pointing at Isaac.
Elise glanced at Isaac. "Isn't he always?"
"Hey!" Isaac pouted. "That's unfair."
A small smile flashed across Elise's face as she turned away from him. "I think that's pretty fair. Anyway, shouldn't we get to Modern History, Lila?"
"Yeah," Lila said, looking back at Isaac. He had a small smile on his face too, which disappeared as soon as he noticed Lila looking at him.
"See you later, guys," Isaac said, promptly walking away from them, his hand raised in a half-wave. They watched him go for a moment then finally headed off to Modern History.
"Elise," Lila said after exchanging a brief look with Asher, "not to say you shouldn't, but… aren't you giving Isaac mixed signals if you say things like that about him?"
"Huh?" Elise blinked at Lila. "What do you mean?"
"Well, don't you want him to know you like him? If you say he's a nuisance, he might think you don't want him around."
Elise exhaled heavily. "What's the point?"
"Elise-"
"I'm fine with how things are. That includes teasing him," Elise replied firmly.
Lila glanced at Asher who shrugged. "He didn't seem offended to me," he said.
She pursed her lips, carefully surveying Elise, who tightly clasped her hands together and avoided Lila's eyes.
"A-Anyway, you were saying that he was being a nuisance?" Elise said awkwardly, readjusting her bag and looking at the path before them.
Lila reluctantly moved on. "Yeah. Since Asher and I started dating, he's been really intense about us being close. You've seen him a couple times, but it seems like he's ramping up for whatever reason. It's a big vibe-killer."
"Why, are you guys going to get up to something on campus?" Elise asked suggestively.
"N-No," Lila spluttered, her face growing red in an instant. "B-But he's still a vibe-killer."
"Uh huh," Elise smirked. "Sure, Jan."
Lila didn't want to see Asher's reaction, the embarrassment at Elise suggesting such a thing taking hold.
"I-I just don't want to be interrupted," Lila stammered.
"Lila, you're digging yourself a hole," Elise laughed. "It definitely sounds like you guys are going to get up to something! Isaac should keep following you around, I reckon."
Lila put her face in her hands. "I don't think I should have lunch with you if you keep running off with the wrong idea."
Elise laughed again. "Well, it's not like Smarty McSmartPants over there is denying it either."
"I'm going to assume you mean me," Asher replied.
"Yes, Smarty."
Asher sighed heavily and Lila lowered her hands to find his face was beet-red. He met her gaze and instantly looked away. Elise chortled in response.
"You guys are so awkward," she said through ragged breaths, wiping her eyes. "It's like you don't want to admit that you guys want each other physically or something. I mean, you two are dating. If you didn't want each other physically, I'd be concerned."
"Looks like this is where I leave you," Asher suddenly interjected. The Modern History classroom was a few metres ahead and the trio stopped walking as Asher passed Lila's bag back to her.
"See you later," he said, averting his eyes from Lila.
"See you," she replied, though she wasn't sure he heard her with how fast he speed-walked away.
Elise began giggling and Lila glared at her.
"Stop it," Lila snapped.
"Sorry," Elise grinned, raising her hands in surrender. "It's been a while since we talked about it, but I'm getting the idea that you still haven't done anything more."
"You have to talk about that here?" Lila whispered desperately, gesturing to their classmates who were filing into the classroom.
"Sorry," Elise said sheepishly. "C'mon, let's get in."
They trailed behind the rest of their classmates to find Grace already seated at their usual table.
"Good morning," Grace smiled as Lila and Elise sat down.
"Morning," Lila replied quietly.
"Hey," Elise said, glancing at Lila with a touch of apprehension.
"You guys okay?" Grace asked.
"Yeah. I was just teasing Lila," Elise replied matter-of-factly, pulling out her laptop.
"Well, as long as you know that much," Lila frowned. Then, she placed her head in her hands.
"How hard were you teasing her?" Grace asked, gently touching Lila's shoulder.
"I didn't think it was that bad," Elise said frankly. "Sorry, Lila."
"No, no, it's… it's more just Asher's reaction," Lila sighed. "It felt like… he didn't actually feel like how you were saying he'd be feeling."
"Lila, I think you're reading too much into it," Elise said softly. "I think he's just awkward since your relationship is still new or 'cause I was talking about it."
Lila slid down in her chair, now placing her head on her desk. "I don't want him to feel awkward."
"I'm sure it'll change with time," Grace said confidently.
"Yeah," Elise agreed. "And probably when you guys start doing more stuff."
Lila pressed her head into her desk, as though she could become one with it by doing so. "But… we kinda did."
"Kinda?" Elise asked, her tone both incredibly curious and totally surprised.
Lila didn't want to get into it. She could hardly talk about it with Asher, and while she'd love to celebrate the win with her friends who supported her through her strife regarding intimacy thus far, she felt like she'd crumble into dust if she tried.
Lila was rescued from her friends' probing looks by Mrs Popovic demanding their attention for the next phase of their studies in preparation for their exam.
Elise and Grace looked as though they weren't giving up by the time class was over.
"Lila, you're going to need to explain," Elise said promptly as soon as Mrs Popovic released them. "I think I've got about fifty theories as to what 'kinda' means."
"Sorry, gotta run," Lila replied hurriedly, gesturing at Asher in the distance. "Can't keep him waiting."
Elise looked ready to protest but kept quiet after Grace placed a hand on her arm with a small shake of her head.
Lila rushed to Asher's side and began pulling him towards her Bio lab. He allowed her to do so for a few paces before he slowed them down with a bemused smile.
"Everything okay?"
"Yup."
"Somehow, I'm not getting that impression."
Her eyes flickered to his before she looked down at where her arm was wrapped around him. If she asked and his answer wasn't what she wanted to hear, what would she do? He'd said it in the past, that he wanted to do more, but his actions…
"Is it about what Elise said?"
Lila cringed. He sighed, sliding his arm out of her grasp and instead taking her hand and squeezing it.
"Sorry for leaving like that and sorry for not saying anything, either."
Lila shook her head. "That's-"
"I had to leave before I got myself into trouble," he said softly, squeezing her hand again before intertwining their fingers.
Lila gave him a sharp look. "What does that mean?"
"It means… I didn't want to admit to Elise that she's right."
Lila's breath hitched in her throat. "About what?"
He steadily met her gaze. "That I want you physically, wherever we are. That includes on campus."
"R-Really?" Lila wasn't quite sure whether she was capable of breathing anymore.
"Yup," he replied, now looking away from her, his face beet-red once more. "It's a bit of a problem."
"Why would it be a problem?"
He paused. "… As much as I tell Isaac that I don't care about getting detention, it does kinda freak me out."
"Really?"
"Not enough for me to not want to push my luck," he clarified, placing his free hand in his blazer pocket. "I've just never had detention before. Plus, it'd mean you'd get detention, too. Not sure if I'm up for doing that to you."
Lila lightly touched where her necklace sat on her chest, her heart beating so hard that she felt the pulse in her fingertips. "I wouldn't mind getting detention with you."
He stopped walking entirely, staring at her for a second, before chuckling.
"Well, if you say something like that, then we may as well push our luck together," he said, stepping closer. His eyes shone with an intense energy – one that displayed his intention to draw her forwards into a kiss. There was something different about him recently; something that she couldn't quite put her finger on, aside from how serious he was about studying. Whatever it was, it was stirring her heartbeat into overdrive.
"I wouldn't if I were you," a voice said firmly. Lila blinked, half-expecting it to be coming from Isaac. Instead, it was Lucas, who had approached them with a grinning Cecelia in tow.
"Sorry?" Asher asked, taking a step back.
"You're standing a bit too close to Mr Morrison's domain," Lucas replied, as though it explained everything.
Lila wasn't quite in the mood for riddles. "What?"
"Mr Morrison was the one who gave us detention," Cecelia explained, looping her arm with Lila's and jerking her away from Asher. "He's been really grizzly about displays of affection."
"Has he?" Lila asked, her tone surprised.
"Entirely. If he looks at me too long, I feel myself inching closer to death," Lucas lamented. "Detention sucked ass. No kissing. At least, not right in the open."
"Did Isaac put you up to this?" Asher questioned suspiciously.
"Isaac?" Lucas looked confused before he shook his head. "Nah, mate. But I talked his ear off about it, so he's probably just concerned."
"Right," Asher frowned.
"We'll take Lila to class," Cecelia giggled, tightening her hold on Lila's arm. "Don't worry."
Asher glanced at Lila before passing her bag over with an air of defeat. "See you at morning tea, Lila."
"See you," she replied, her attempt at reaching him blocked by Cecelia.
They watched Asher go before Cecelia giggled again. "You're turning him into a troublemaker, aren't you?"
Lila felt blood rushing to her face in response. "Huh?"
"I never would've imagined him to be playing with fire like this," Cecelia replied simply. Lucas murmured his agreement.
"I-It's not like I'm doing anything for that to happen," Lila said abashedly.
"You're not?" Cecelia raised an eyebrow, letting go of Lila so she could enter the Bio lab.
"I'm not," Lila replied, this time with more confidence.
"If you say so," Cecelia said, her tone mysterious. "That's not what I'm seeing, though."
"What do you mean?"
Cecelia shrugged. "Dunno."
"Cecelia-"
"Are you just going to block the doorway forever or are we allowed to get in, too?" one of Lila's classmates grumbled from behind Lila, Cecelia and Lucas. They scrambled to their table without another word.
Mr Johnson sailed in shortly after, apparently none the wiser to the hold up at the door, and furiously scrubbed the whiteboard.
As the lesson continued on, Lila's frustration climbed. What was she apparently doing to cause Asher to be a 'troublemaker', according to Cecelia? Whatever it was, she should probably stop, right? He'd just said that the idea of getting detention did kinda freak him out.
"If you're going to keep frowning like that, I'll tell you," Cecelia whispered, her mischievous smirk making Lila incredibly uncomfortable.
"No-"
"I can tell you want to know," Cecelia continued, raising both eyebrows in a way that left no room for Lila to disagree.
"Yeah. I can't figure it out."
Cecelia leaned forward, her mischief only increasing. "You guys have done it, haven't you?"
"We actually haven't," Lila murmured, looking down at her keyboard.
"Oh. Well, that throws my theory out the window," Cecelia said flatly.
"What was your theory?" Lila asked, her confusion even more apparent in her tone.
"Just that he was addicted to it," Cecelia replied with another shrug. "Once they get hooked, it's a mission to keep their hands to themselves."
"Cee, you do realise I'm sitting right here?" Lucas interjected, readjusting his glasses as though it would disguise how embarrassed he looked.
"Am I wrong?"
"… Like I want to admit something like that-"
"You're all awfully chatty," Mr Johnson's terse voice cut all three of them to size, instantly shutting them up and reddening their faces. "Care to include the rest of the class?"
"No, sir," Lucas said instantly, placing his face in his hands. "Sorry."
"Then concentrate on your studies, please. I don't care to listen to whatever your hands are doing."
Mr Johnson turned on his heel, marching towards a student who had their hand raised. Lucas' mouth flapped open in response as he gripped his hair. His whispered "Please kill me." had a squeaky quality to it that made Lila smirk.
They listened to Mr Johnson's instruction to concentrate for perhaps half of their remaining class time before Cecelia looked up at Lila, her mischief reappearing. The noise level in the lab was steadily increasing, though Mr Johnson didn't appear to mind at the minute, his attention drawn instead to leafing through papers.
"Anyway," Cecelia murmured, pushing aside her laptop and leaning closer to Lila, "if you guys aren't doing more, then his troublemaker tendencies must be emerging 'cause he'd do anything you asked him to."
"I wish," Lila sighed. "I think you'll need a new theory."
"Mine's just that he's fully in love with you," Lucas remarked. "It's making him throw caution to the wind."
Lila's surprise took the form of a coughing fit. She grasped her water bottle and chugged several large gulps to remedy this, her watery eyes taking in Cecelia and Lucas' concerned expressions.
"Gee, Lila, you okay?" Cecelia asked, her eyebrows furrowing even further.
"Y-Yeah," Lila stuttered, wiping her mouth with her blazer sleeve. "Just took me by surprise. In love? That… sounds impossible."
"I don't see why it would be," Lucas said seriously. "Hasn't he liked you for ages? Besides, love can make people crazy. Crazy enough for even the Dux to start breaking the rules."
"What, you're crazy then?" Cecelia asked, turning to him.
"Batshit," Lucas replied.
"… I guess that's true."
Lila snorted at the look of offence on Lucas' face.
"I'd thought you'd resist a little," Lucas said, his tone slightly dejected.
"Well, I'm crazy too," Cecelia grinned.
"Sickening, the both of you," Lila smirked.
"Says you," Cecelia replied, pointing dramatically at Lila. "The way you look at him makes me want to throw up from cuteness. Have you told him you love him yet?"
Lila shook her head.
"Why?"
"Cee, you're being intrusive," Lucas reprimanded.
"It's alright, isn't it, Lila?" Cecelia asked, her eyes wide and imploring.
Lila looked down at her keyboard, contemplating whether she should talk about it with Cecelia and Lucas. She glanced over at Mr Johnson, who seemed even more engrossed in his paper-leafing than he had moments ago when she last laid eyes on him.
"The… short explanation is that I don't want to pressure him," Lila said softly.
"Pressure him? For what?" Cecelia queried.
"Going further."
"Ah. So he's stopping it?"
Lila nodded.
"I'm surprised. I would've thought that it was you stopping it," Cecelia murmured, tapping her chin. "I mean, it's a big deal for girls."
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"And it's not for guys?" Lucas asked.
"Well, it is, but bigger for girls," Cecelia insisted with a wave of her hand. "You wouldn't get it."
"I definitely won't when you won't explain," Lucas frowned.
"I'll tell you later," Cecelia said dismissively. "That's not important now. Anyway, so, he's stopping it even though he looks at you like you're the only person on this planet. And you're worried that telling him you love him would pressure him to go further?"
"Yeah. He… well, he knows I want to do more, but if I tell him I love him, I think he'd give in before he's ready. At least, that's what I'm scared of. I want him to be ready 'cause of him, not 'cause I made him feel guilty for holding back or whatever."
"Ah," Cecelia nodded sagely. "That sounds fair enough. If it were me, I'd think the same. It didn't come to that, obviously, but I see where you're coming from."
"At least I'm not totally off base with that," Lila replied. Cecelia's agreement made her feel better about her decision to keep a lid on it, at least.
Lucas nodded. "I also reckon that's fair enough. I'm surprised he's stopping it too, but maybe something's going on to make him be that way."
"Like what?" Cecelia asked, turning to Lucas.
Lucas shrugged. "As if I'd have an idea. We just went for it.
Cecelia pouted. "But you've been giving lots of theories."
"This is one I have zero idea on. I really can't relate."
Cecelia pouted even more dramatically. Lucas shrugged again.
"I'm being serious, Cee. All I can say is that a guy like Asher's gotta have a reason."
"Fiiine," Cecelia reluctantly drawled. "Sorry, girl. I thought Lucas would have an idea since he's a guy."
"I may be a guy, but it's not as if we're all the same."
"I know, I know. I'm guessing you've asked him, right?"
"I have," Lila confirmed. "You don't need to theorise, since I know the answer."
"Oh," Cecelia said shortly. "Probably should've jumped in a bit earlier, then."
"Yeah, sorry. I kinda wanted to know where you'd go with it. He's… afraid of losing control, for one thing. Then he said he doesn't want to disrespect me."
"Eh, that's fair," Lucas remarked with a nod. "Both of those things would probably happen."
Lila's heart dropped. If that was true, then… they'd probably never go further.
"Seriously?" she asked, fiddling with her fingernails.
"Yup. But as long as it's consensual, neither of those things matter. Heat of the moment, and all that," Cecelia added. "Well, with the disrespect thing, there's a limit to that, of course. Depends on his definition of 'disrespect', but a guy like him? Probably just the fact that he'd have to do things to you is 'disrespect' in and of itself. Or maybe he's got a weird kink since he's not a virgin. Should someone talk to him?"
"I'd rather him not know I've been whining about it to anyone who'd listen," Lila said sadly, setting aside her kneejerk reaction to correct Cecelia's assumption that Asher wasn't a virgin. "Besides, it'd be weird if you just started talking to him about it."
"True," Cecelia conceded. "If you need me to, though, I'll brave the weirdness."
"Thanks," Lila smiled, though it was half-hearted.
"Looks like Mr Johnson's coming this way," Lucas said hurriedly. "We've got to look busy."
With that, there were no further opportunities for conversation with Cecelia and Lucas – which, truthfully, Lila was grateful for. The idea that Asher's fears would be realised was one that she didn't want to think too hard about. If they did it once and both of his fears came true? They'd probably never do it again… and if it hurt like Clare said, then that's all Lila would know, which didn't sound that appealing.
Once Mr Johnson finally released them, Cecelia reiterated her offer to talk to Asher, which Lila declined. Lila considered that maybe once exams were over, she'd work up the courage to talk to him herself – properly, and about her feelings on the subject. That way, he wouldn't need to stress unnecessarily in the midst of his studies and… maybe she'd feel a lot better. She'd said she wanted to do more, but she hadn't told him about her fears if they didn't, after all.
"Hey," Asher said upon Lila meeting him outside. She found she couldn't meet his eyes, but she disguised this by grabbing his arm and pulling him towards the locker room.
"Are you hungry?" Asher laughed, allowing himself to be dragged by her for the second time that day.
"Starving," Lila lied. After her Bio lesson, she had entirely lost her appetite.
"Alright. Let's fix that, then."
They promptly arrived at the locker room and collected their morning tea from their lockers before meeting up once more in front of Lila's locker.
"Ready?" Asher asked, providing her with his arm.
"Yeah-"
"Lila," Elise called, hurrying to them. "I've been driving myself crazy thinking about what you said in Modern History-"
"I'll talk to you later," Lila said, shaking Asher's arm with urgency in such a way that hopefully conveyed her want to skedaddle away. "I'm not going to talk about it here."
"Huh- oh. Hi, Asher."
"Hi, Elise," Asher said, looking at her in bemusement. "What do you guys mean?"
Elise shook her head. "Girl stuff. Don't worry about it."
Asher glanced at Lila, who nodded furiously, thankful for Elise's quick thinking.
"Alright. See you at lunch, Elise."
"Bye!" Elise responded a touch too enthusiastically.
Asher and Lila departed the locker room in silence and remained so until they were about halfway to the library. At this point, Asher looked down at Lila. "Girl stuff?"
"Um, about periods."
"Oh. Sorry to pry."
And now it felt oppressively awkward. They were silent once more until they entered an empty meeting room and sat down in their usual spots.
"So, we're having lunch with Isaac, Elise and Grace," Asher said casually, unwrapping his banana.
"Yeah."
"Any predictions as to how the dynamic between Isaac and Elise will be now?"
Lila pursed her lips. "Hopefully they'll be close. After this morning, though, I'm not sure."
"I'm pretty surprised that Isaac takes that kind of talk," Asher nodded, taking a bite of his banana. He swallowed before adding, "Though, given his usual confidence, I guess stuff like that just bounces off him – that he just assumes it's a joke."
"Maybe. I guess I'm mostly worried that Elise'll put her foot in it."
"Isaac's already done that for her, what with that panic response about liking Anika, I reckon."
Lila sighed. "You're probably right."
"We'll just see how they are," Asher nodded.
"Yeah."
Lila opened her small yoghurt tub, thinking about it a bit more. If Asher thought that Isaac wasn't offended, then perhaps she was worrying over nothing.
"You feeling ready for hockey to be over?" Asher asked, causing Lila to look at him.
"Beyond ready," Lila replied, spooning some yoghurt into her mouth.
"I would've thought that you'd be a little bit sad."
"I've come to terms with the idea that this is our last game for the year. No need to feel sad when it's not like I can change the future."
"Is it really like that?"
Lila nodded. "Unfortunately so. We got smashed towards the end there. There's no way we'd be able to catch up, unless Cedar Grove Girls' really lose the plot and let us score, like, ten goals or something ridiculous."
"Ah, righto."
"What about you guys? You seem close to making it to semi-finals."
"It's a guarantee," Asher replied, his beam infectious. "We've done really well this year. It's kinda freaky."
"Have you ever been this close to winning the whole season?"
Asher tilted his head, clearly trying to remember. "I… think maybe we made it to the semi-finals in middle school or primary school. Definitely not in senior school. Not that we've been in senior school for long."
"True."
Lila fell quiet, the mention of hockey reminding her about her conversation with Alice yesterday – and the fact that Evelyn asserted her innocence to Alice and had been released.
"I know that I said I wasn't feeling jealous yesterday," Asher said suddenly, "but what were you talking to Theo about?"
"Theo? Oh." Lila took a moment to look at Asher. His expression was laden with curiosity rather than jealousy, but the way his mouth pulled hinted to Lila that it did, in fact, bother him.
"I was curious about how he was," Lila said honestly. "Considering he was close to Jason. Well, in a way, at least."
"I see."
Asher didn't seem pleased, so Lila continued.
"Really, I was hunting for information about the others from him. I was right, he does know what happened to them. He's been getting texts from them – they were released the day after they were arrested, apparently. They're all pissed at him for escaping trouble – and he thinks that Livi killed Jason, or at least got someone to kill him for her."
Asher leaned back in his chair, lightly tapping the table as though it provided a beat to his thoughts. "Interesting that he thinks she did it."
"That's what I thought. I asked about Piper, and he seemed like he'd forgotten about her murder. He reckons Jason's murder is a copycat, to disguise why he was murdered. Pretend someone else killed him."
"What a hell of a copycat," Asher murmured.
"Not to say that it'd be easy to be a copycat, but the details from Piper's murder that the Forestglade Press released was kind of a blueprint. So, I guess it's not impossible."
"Livi is a Class A bitch and we did think that she could've been responsible for Jason's death. I'm just not sure how much I buy that copycat theory."
"I'm not sure either. Like I said, it's not impossible but why would anyone want to copy mutilation?"
"Yeah." Asher paused. "Did he say anything else?"
"Just that he regrets not reporting them and watching on for his own amusement. He blames himself and feels guilty for it going on for so long."
"As he should."
"I didn't tell him we reported it, obviously. I almost did but I think he'd realise that they all got expelled 'cause he told me about the morphine. That'd probably make him feel worse."
"Good call. That'd be an unnecessary revelation if he's feeling guilty."
Lila glanced at him, her question – about him approving of her not making Theo feel worse – evidently etched on her face. Asher raised his hands in surrender.
"I'm not about to kick a man while he's down like that, even if I don't like the guy. His sorta friend got murdered and his other sorta friends all got expelled over something he sat on his ass about. He's going through enough. Plus, we need him for the semi-finals and finals."
His cheeky smirk made Lila smile. "I can see what your true concerns are."
He snorted and she smiled again. It soon dropped, however, as she readjusted her posture. "I also talked to Alice yesterday."
Asher's initial bemusement quickly gave way to understanding. "Oh, right. You said she went straight to the police station after you guys talked. Did she tell you what happened?"
"Yeah. After talking to Evelyn, she decided that she's going to keep the baby. She reckons Evelyn's the nicest person in the world – so nice that she wasn't sure that Jason was actually Evelyn's son, except for the fact that they look alike."
Asher snorted again and Lila carried on.
"Anyway, Evelyn's really supportive, to the point of saying she'd provide whatever Alice needs, including shelter if her parents kick her out over this."
"That's certainly a promise from a lady in jail."
"Except she's not anymore. Evelyn said it was all a big misunderstanding and she was getting let out that afternoon. According to Alice, Evelyn's apparently really confused about why she was detained and she didn't know anything. She's also annoyed that her partner's abandoned her, essentially."
"Are we sure her partner's abandoned her, or is he also in jail 'cause of this?"
Lila shrugged. "No idea. I don't know if Alice would've even asked that, or if Evelyn would know."
"And Alice is sure she's not bullshitting?"
"I did ask if she thought Evelyn was telling the truth and Alice believes her wholeheartedly. I… don't know whether that's for convenience, though. I mean, you'd want to believe the grandparent of your baby is a good person, especially if she's promising you all these things. Alice is so vulnerable at the moment, I think she'd believe Evelyn if she told Alice the sky was red. So… I'm not sure if I believe that Evelyn wasn't involved in the morphine ring."
Asher gave an almost too-long exhale. "I hope Evelyn's not preying on Alice, at least."
"Same."
"Does Alice seem like she wants to go through with all this?"
"I'd say so. She seemed earnest enough to me, and she said she was thinking of taking a gap year anyway since she wasn't sure what she wanted to do."
"It's certainly going to be a gap year, that's for sure. Or maybe three."
"Yeah, I know. I just hope everything goes well."
"If Evelyn is genuine and all that, I'm sure it will, even if Alice's family disown her or something drastic. Jason's parents will be fighting for that baby's wellbeing since Jason's gone, I'm sure."
"Well, Evelyn, yeah. Morris, maybe not. Alice said that Evelyn said Morris isn't the friendliest of people nor generous."
"Probably where Jason got his personality from," Asher remarked.
"That's what Alice said."
"Must be true then."
"… Do you think Evelyn's genuine? At least, about not being involved in the morphine ring?"
Asher inhaled deeply and rested his head in his right hand. He was quiet for a few moments before seemingly reaching a verdict.
"I don't think it's impossible."
"Really?"
"Remember the picture of that Doctor? From your Dad's investigation file?"
"Yeah?"
"Well… the Doctor definitely wasn't Evelyn. I said before that he may have borrowed it under a pretence – it could've always worked that way. Everything was a pretence – maybe even their relationship – and she was none the wiser."
"How would you not notice something like that?"
Asher shrugged. "It sounded like her partner didn't live with her, and it also sounded like Jason didn't say anything to his Mum about it either. If she's being truthful, then she probably had no idea because why would you suspect your teenage son of being a kingpin? Your partner, too."
Lila pondered this. Could it be true? Could someone really be that oblivious? Especially since, if it was purely the Doctor's doing, it was done under name?
"… There's that strange signature, too," Lila murmured. "You know, how the initials on money orders were sometimes different."
Asher nodded. "Maybe he forged some of those initials."
Lila shuddered. "That just… feels so creepy. Someone you trust, going around and doing illegal things under your name without you knowing."
"One thing I've learned from this year is that everyone's hiding something," Asher said darkly.
"Yeah."
'Even me,' Lila thought, clasping her hands together under her desk. Aside from keeping the fact that she loved him close to her chest, she still hadn't told Asher about being on the Pill either… which… he should probably know about. Right? That'd… be helpful information, wouldn't it?
She squeezed her hands together as if it would stop the blush from forming on her face. At the same time, it'd be just as bad of an idea as telling him she loved him. If they weren't going to be doing anything like that, then she didn't need to tell him. Otherwise, it might make him think that she had a certain expectation, which might then pressure him.
"I really wonder, though," Asher said, jolting her out of her thoughts, "about this Hunter guy. I wish your Dad kept the file. Maybe he found more info on Hunter."
"I wish he did, too. I'd love to know what Livi said in her interview, and I'm sure he would've had that info somewhere."
"I agree, especially if she is the murderer. Or involved, at least."
"I… hope there won't be any more murders."
Asher gave her a very serious look – probably the most serious one he'd ever given her.
"I hope so too – but even if there are, I'll keep you safe."
She smiled at Asher. "I trust that you will, but it'd be helpful to know who the perpetrator is."
"It would be, but I'll keep you safe regardless."
She smiled again. "And I'll keep you safe."
"Lila, I don't need safekeeping."
"You do since you're really important to me, like I said before. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you."
"Worry not," he said, his smile genuine – almost blinding, "nothing'll happen to me."
"As long as you promise."
"Promise."
Neither spoke, though the seriousness with which Asher had said that was echoed in the gaze he gave her. Then, she smiled once more, taking his hands in hers.
But in an instant, her smile vanished.
There was something that she remembered.
She stood up.
"Everything-"
"Asher, the notebook."
"The… notebook? Like the movie?"
"What?" She blinked down at his utterly confused face. "How do you know about the movie?"
"Watched it with Mum a few times."
"A few?"
"She loves Ryan Gosling."
"Oh." Lila shook her head. "No, not 'The Notebook', but the notebook. Marlene's."
"Huh?"
"She had that weird scrapbook of, like," Lila flapped her hands, trying to remember specific details, "pictures of people relevant to your Dad's hospital."
He stared at her for a second before his eyes glimmered with realisation. "That's right. What about it?"
"Do you reckon Hunter's in there?"
"He could be. But you can hardly see any details of him from the CCTV screenshot."
"We might be able to see enough."
Asher placed his chin in his hand. "Maybe. What would you do with that info?"
"Be satisfied that puzzle pieces are lining up."
"What puzzle are you even making?"
"Well… I won't know until it's done. Gotta have it all together to see what I'm looking at."
"Fair enough," Asher nodded. Then, he smiled at her again, this time with a look of adoration – one that made her feel flustered. "I don't think I'd get tired of knowing what intrigues you."
"G-Good," she stammered, lowering herself into her chair, the heat from her face slowly making its way down her neck. Typically, her curiosity and nosiness drew the ire of her family members. Even her friends would grow impatient with her endlessly circular questions – a habit that she'd dropped significantly this year, now that her interests revolved around things she couldn't talk to them about. It didn't seem like Elise or Grace had noticed this absence, actually. Were they secretly hoping she'd stopped for good?
Either way… to think that Asher wouldn't grow tired of it – was there a limit to how in love someone could feel?
"That's quite a smile," he commented, a grin slowly forming. Strangely, his face was flushed. "Should I say that again?"
"N-No, it's okay," Lila said quickly, her blush deepening even more. "I just didn't realise that you felt that way."
"Of course I do. I've told you that I like the way you think."
"I know but… you don't think my questions are annoying?"
"Why would I?"
Lila squirmed slightly. "I've got a lot."
"I know."
She squirmed even more. "But sometimes there's no reason for my questions. Knowing the answers won't lead to anything."
He reached over, gently taking her hands in his and caressing the back of them with his thumbs. "So?"
She couldn't think of a response. He chuckled.
"A while ago, you said that you like how I look when I'm focusing. I know I moved on after you said that, but it's something I've replayed in my mind since then. It threw me since I've got 'resting scholar face', or whatever it was that Isaac said, and no one had ever said that to me before. I wanted to tell you that I really like how you look when you're curious. Hunting for answers seems to give you this glow almost. My brain short-circuited and I couldn't find the words to express that then. So, no, I don't think your questions are annoying and I never will."
"I… I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything at all." He looked incredibly pleased with himself as he caressed the back of her hands again. "The expression on your face tells me all I need to know."
She had no idea what kind of expression she had, though the mischievous smirk on his face told her that he wouldn't tell her even if she asked. She decided to try it though.
"And what does it say?"
"Something that I'll keep close to my chest."
"I knew you'd say something like that."
"You did?" This seemed to genuinely surprise him.
"Yeah," she nodded.
"Seems like you've spent too much time around me," he said playfully.
"Impossible," she grinned.
They gazed into each other's eyes for a moment – long enough for Lila to contemplate a kiss – until Asher pulled out his phone.
"Shit, I thought morning tea was wrapping up, but this is cutting it close," he said, panic suddenly colouring his tone.
Lila checked her own phone. He was right, of course, and they both swiftly packed up.
Now that they had left the private sanctuary that was the library's meeting room, Lila couldn't continue their conversation. Her shyness had kicked up to an unprecedented level, her mind trapped in a loop of repeating the things he'd said about her. Moments like these – well, they reminded Lila that Asher really did like her.
Though, was it love, like Lucas suggested?
She chanced a peek at Asher, who seemed content in the silence they shared with their hands conjoined. He definitely liked Lila – but had it progressed to love? Did… she make him feel like he made her feel?
She continued to ponder this all the way to her locker and again once Asher returned to her side. Should she ask?
"See you later," Asher said once they reached her PC classroom.
"See you later," Lila echoed, watching him leave without having asked any of the questions that swirled in her mind.
Once he was out of sight, she entered her classroom, catching sight of Elise's impatient scowl. Even Grace seemed poised to interrogate Lila. Her heart dropped. It seemed there would be no escape.
Lila slowly slid into her seat.
"Out with it," Elise said, her eyes glimmering like a lioness that had spotted her prey.
"With what?" Lila asked innocently, unpacking her laptop.
"You know what," Elise narrowed her eyes at Lila.
"… No?"
"Nice try, Lila," Grace said, her eyes also narrowed.
Lila sighed. "Kinda just means what it means."
"Kinda could be anything," Elise whispered, glancing at Ms Wang who had begun to take the roll.
"Well, not anything."
"Lila, pedantry isn't going to get you anywhere fast," Grace replied, leaning forwards across the desk. Lila glanced at Grace, hopeful that her snarky thoughts about that statement amongst Grace's insistence her relationship with Ms Alexander was fine didn't come through in her body language.
"Kinda could range from, like, necking to soaking," Elise whispered again.
"Soaking?" Grace looked perplexed.
"I'm not gonna explain," Elise said shortly, her face pink.
"Well it's definitely not soaking," Lila replied, her face just as pink. "Jesus."
"Then what is it? You can't just leave us hanging like that, not after what you said at camp!" Elise insisted.
"If Lila doesn't want to talk about it, Elise, maybe we should drop it," Grace said hurriedly after a flash of a grimace crossed her face at the word 'camp'.
Lila looked at Elise, who seemed ready to explode into a million pieces if Lila didn't tell them with the intense way she was holding her breath.
"It's… nothing exciting," Lila said, looking down at her hands, which she'd placed on her still-closed laptop.
"A win is a win," Elise said with a satisfied nod.
"I feel like you're really digging," Lila replied. "Like, a lot."
Elise looked at Lila for a moment before shrugging. "Gotta live vicariously through you guys since you're in relationships."
There was a certain sadness in the way that Elise said this that made Lila regret saying that. Of course Elise would want to talk about something like this to distract her from her situation with Isaac.
'Poor Elise. She must be in a lot of pain…' Lila thought, taking a deep breath.
"Like I said, it's nothing exciting. We just, well…" Lila faltered, taking another deep breath. She leaned in towards her friends, who similarly also leaned in. "Um, well, we've been kissing a bit more and he's not stopped it like he used to."
"Oh. That's anticlimactic."
"I told you it's nothing exciting, Elise. But… he was over at mine on the Show holiday and… he touched my chest."
"Your chest or your chest?" Grace asked, exchanging a look with Elise.
"… It was only for a couple seconds or so before Clare knocked on the door," Lila replied, feeling her cheeks redden and a smile appear. "And it's where you're thinking. I… hadn't expected it to feel good."
"Sounds like Asher's got some moves," Elise grinned. "I'd kinda thought you'd done something to him, to be honest."
"It sounds promising, too," Grace smiled.
"I just hope Clare didn't scare him away from doing it again," Lila sighed, moving now to rest her head on her arms.
"All I can say is that basically everyone likes a bit of boob touching," Grace said, the jarring nature of this statement making Lila snort in surprise, though she didn't lift her head.
"It's not like he can take it back," Elise said. "I doubt he'd be scared away from it."
"I hope so."
There was a pause before Elise said, her tone excited, "But, hey, it's a step in the right direction!"
Lila nodded, her hope fluttering in her chest. At least there was that.
"Alright, we've tortured you enough," Elise smiled, patting Lila's shoulder. "There was something else I'd been meaning to ask in Modern History – with the assignment, how much critical analysis is too much?"
----------------------------------------
"Ready for lunch?" Asher asked as Lila left her Japanese classroom, frowning as she desperately tried to remember her kanji.
"Sorry? Oh, yeah," Lila replied, looking up at Asher. "Kanji will be the death of me."
"Kanji's the one that's Chinese, right?" Asher queried as he discretely took her bag from her. They began walking towards the locker room, with Lila curling her hand around Asher's arm.
"Sorta," she nodded. "Some of it's originally Japanese, but most of it's borrowed."
"Maybe I could help then."
"I'm sure lots of it has changed. I mean, the pronunciation won't be the same, at least."
"Sure, but isn't your writing test coming up? I could probably help at least a little with that."
Lila smiled, which he instantly returned. "I'd like that."
"Did you want to work on it during Study this afternoon?"
"I'll have to see what's coming up on my list."
"Fair enough."
They continued on, discussing what was on her list, among other things, before separating in the locker room. Lila packed away her things and, once her locker was locked, turned to come face-to-face with Asher.
"This one's for you," he said, passing her customary lunchbox over.
"Aw, you're still doing that?" Grace asked, appearing beside Lila with her own lunchbox.
"Yeah," Asher replied, as if it were obvious. Which, given the fact that he'd just given Lila one, it really was.
"That's sweet."
Lila could tell that Asher wasn't quite sure what to make of Grace's friendliness, but they were all saved by Isaac's approach.
"Man, I'm starving," Isaac yawned, "and tired."
"What're you tired for?" Asher asked, shuffling aside to admit Isaac into their haphazard circle while they waited for Elise to join them.
"Late night McShift, my guy," Isaac replied, partially unzipping his lunchbox and rummaging around in it.
"Surely you can stop taking so many shifts," Asher said disapprovingly. "It's exam and assignment season."
Isaac waved a hand around, still inspecting his food. "Nah. Can do all the things."
"Are you sure you should? I mean, you'd hardly be sleeping."
"Says you," Lila remarked. Asher instantly looked guilty.
"I-I'm getting enough sleep," he said unconvincingly.
"Don't you need sleep to do well?" Grace asked, seeming genuinely interested in this topic.
"I run pretty well on about five hours-"
"Only five?" Lila raised an eyebrow at him.
"W-Well, I mean, I study in such a way that what I learn essentially becomes automatic-"
"Somehow he got himself into trouble," Isaac snorted, finally plucking out an apple.
"Who's got themselves into trouble?" Elise asked, looking around the group.
"Asher," Isaac said, gesturing at Asher, who looked like he was figuring out an escape plan in his mind.
"Hey, this all started because you mentioned your late night McShift," Asher frowned. "You're not getting much sleep either."
Isaac bit into his apple, turning towards the locker room exit with a shrug. "What can I say? The McLife's got me in a chokehold. Let's go."
"What an ominous sentence," Lila said, holding onto Asher's arm. He looked relieved as she pulled herself closer to him.
"I know you're trying your best to get some sleep," she clarified.
Asher relaxed, giving a slight, breathy laugh. "Thanks. I do try. Glad you're not actually mad."
She squeezed his arm in acknowledgement and he smiled at her. They all meandered towards the library, chatting idly about schoolwork. They found an empty meeting room and piled in, sitting comfortably in the same configuration that they usually sat in as a group.
Lila kept a close eye on Elise and Isaac, neither of whom were speaking and instead eating quietly. It was worryingly odd, considering that both of them tended to talk quite a bit, and Lila hoped that it wasn't due to Elise's nuisance comment earlier that morning.
Eventually, Elise did begin talking – about a topic that Lila immediately wished to avoid.
"Grace, since your partner's moving schools, you should definitely let us meet them," Elise declared, pointing at Grace. "We've only got, like, three full weeks of school left, and then a bit of this week."
Grace paled, though she answered with a dignified voice, "I'd have to check with her."
"So you would?" Elise asked eagerly. She glanced at Lila, as though expecting her to join in her excitement. "She could have lunch with us!"
Lila stared down at her apricot chicken and rice, wondering if she should start counting each grain to avoid being dragged into this conversation.
"Maybe," Grace replied, her voice now hinting at the stress this conversation was clearly putting on her. "Like I said, I'd have to check. She's still not out."
"Well, if it's just in a meeting room like this, no one else would know," Elise said, her tone rational. "Besides, no one here would tell anyone else, right? Don't you trust us? Lila, help me out here."
'42… 43… I've lost count.'
"U-Uh, well, if she's not comfortable, then she's not comfortable," Lila said lamely.
"Lila, that's not helping," Elise frowned. "Aren't you curious? You've hardly wanted to talk about Grace's partner this term. You wanted to meet her only, like, a few weeks ago."
"I've, uh, turned a new leaf. No more questions for me."
"Well, that sounds like bull," Elise's frown deepened. "I doubt that."
"Not that I've been asking you guys stuff."
"Not since Piper's stalking, no, but I just thought you were asking Asher instead."
Isaac coughed, stopping both Lila and Elise in their tracks. "I think that Grace is similarly uncomfortable about this. Maybe you should let it go, Elise," he suggested.
Elise whirled around towards him and he instantly looked away from her. "Isaac, you don't get it. Grace has raved on about this person and I just want to make sure that they're good for her."
'Well, Ms Alexander's not,' Lila thought, shovelling her food in her mouth to prevent herself from talking.
"Of course she's good for me," Grace laughed, instantly making Lila's skin crawl, "I wouldn't be with her if she wasn't."
Asher cleared his throat, which stopped Grace's smile immediately. Was she worried he was going to tell them who Grace's partner was?
"Why're you all looking at me?" Asher asked after a moment. "Just got some rice stuck in my throat."
"Sounded like you were going to make a speech," Isaac snorted.
"Definitely not," Asher replied bluntly. "Not my kind of thing."
"Says the master debater," Isaac quipped.
"Don't say that one too quickly," Asher joked.
"Masterdebater- hey, that's quite the juvenile joke from you," Isaac remarked, sitting up. "Where'd that even come from?"
"When you do debating for yonks, you get the whole suite of lame jokes that can be offered."
And, like that, the conversation regarding Grace's girlfriend was basically forgotten, with Asher entertaining them with other lame debating-related jokes.
Lila still kept her eye on Elise and Isaac, but she didn't see anything in particular. They seemed like they always had, though they didn't talk to each other directly today. Lila conceded that they probably didn't need to because, unlike previous lunchtimes that they'd spent together as a group, Asher and Lila were also joining in on the conversation.
Eventually, lunch was coming to a close and the group packed up with promises that they'd have lunch together next Wednesday, too.
"Well, that was fun," Lila commented as she walked beside Asher, having left the library.
"Some of it, sure," Asher replied with a tight smile.
Lila paused before nodding. "Yeah. Agreed."
The rest of the day passed without much of note, including Study. Lila had considered Asher's offer to help her with kanji, but it wasn't necessary just yet – besides, Asher had plenty of work to get done, too.
He brought it up once they started walking to the bus station, her bag on his shoulder.
"I just thought you still had a lot to do," Lila replied, readjusting her hat.
"I do, but I'd make time for you, especially during Study."
"But isn't that the reason why we're not hanging out after school and on the weekends at the moment?"
"… Alright, you've got me there."
"My exam's only after the pupil-free day, so we can work on it during the long weekend."
He nodded, though he seemed to be avoiding her gaze. "Yeah."
Then he stopped walking, causing her to stumble slightly.
"What-"
"It's Ms Alexander," Asher murmured, gesturing to the teacher on duty.
"Shit, really?" Lila looked ahead, seeing that Ms Alexander was indeed the teacher on duty. Her bracelet sparkled in the sunlight as she spoke to a student, laughing with them about something.
'At least she wears the damn thing,' Lila thought as she scuttled along the path with Asher, hoping beyond hope that they wouldn't be spotted.
"I don't think Elise and Isaac should meet Grace's partner," Asher said quietly as they successfully passed Ms Alexander without a second glance from her.
"Definitely not."
"Do you think Grace would have them meet her?"
"As a music teacher, sure, but seeing how terribly it went with us when we found out who her partner is? Probably not."
"Good. I don't think Isaac would cope."
"Would he-"
"Report them? Absolutely."
"Why haven't you?"
He looked down at her with a gentle smile. "For you, of course. I didn't want to make you feel guilty for whatever aftermath would follow, which would mostly include a breakup between the two of them. I thought you would've known that."
"Well, I know that you decided not to in the end, but I didn't think that I was the cause of it. I thought you were just being nice to Grace since Ms Alexander decided to go to a new school."
Asher shook his head. "Nope. I don't really care what Grace or Ms Alexander think of me. You, on the other hand, I do care."
"Did you force yourself not to report it?"
"Not really. It would've been harder if she was staying, though."
The bus squeaked into place at the bus station and Lila reluctantly took her bag from him.
"Don't look so sad," he said. "Otherwise, I'll have to get on the bus with you."
Lila pouted and he laughed.
"Looks like I'll need to give you a goodbye kiss to wipe that pout off your face," he said, running a thumb across her jaw.
She didn't need any more encouragement than that as she met his lips with her own. He laughed again, continuing their kiss for a moment longer before breaking away, his cheeks pink.
"That worked," he smiled. "See you tomorrow."
"See you tomorrow, Asher."