Chapter Forty-Eight

After having an abnormally tense dinner with Marlene and Gabriel, which consisted of a fresh, delicious ratatouille for dinner and some peanut brittle atop a slice of caramel mudcake for dessert, Lila went home. She was unable to properly rest, however. Waking up on Thursday morning was an absolute chore, but she made it to school at her usual time.

Lila had English with Asher first up. She felt strangely nervous. Which version of Asher would she be interacting with this morning? With so many things happening all at once to him, she wasn’t expecting any kind of meaningful interaction.

As she sat down next to Asher, he smiled at her.

“Hey,” he said, “glad to see you made it.”

“And same to you,” Lila said, relieved that he was talking to her this morning. She returned his smile with her own as she pulled out her English materials. She glanced at him again, and saw him yawning into his hand.

“Did you get much sleep?” she asked, placing her bookbag down on the floor. He shrugged.

“As much as you, probably,” he said, his eyes lingering on her face for just a moment.

“What does that mean?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You look like you’d rather be sleeping than here,” he said simply, looking down at his desk and thumbing the edge of his copy of Romeo and Juliet.

“I guess that’s true,” Lila laughed. She was surprised that he’d noticed.

“Can we have lunch together?” Asher asked, his eyes still fixed on his desk.

“Sure,” Lila said, slightly surprised. “Why?”

His golden-brown eyes rested on hers for a moment before looking back down at his desk. “Isaac’s my best mate and great and everything, but he didn’t witness… what we did yesterday.”

“Ah,” Lila breathed. “Makes sense.”

“I don’t even know if I want to talk about it, but I kinda… I don’t even know,” he huffed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I just… want to exist in the same place as someone who experienced it, too.”

“Sounds like an alien abduction,” Lila said monotonously. He snorted.

“Feels like it. I’ve been feeling like I’m out of my mind and body over the past couple weeks.”

“No kidding,” Lila replied with a serious nod. “You should try some counselling.”

“I would if I had the time,” Asher sighed. “They take you out of class, but I… clearly can’t do that. And besides, what do I even say? I mean, I did look into it, and they have all these obligations to report certain things. And… obviously, I can’t go into some things without there being a mandatory report.”

“You could just go through the Holly situation,” Lila whispered as Ms Shard crossed the room and plugged her laptop into the projector. “That would make anyone seek therapy.”

“Great,” Asher drawled. “Glad to know that experience was worth therapy. Feels like I should get a card or certificate or something.”

“Trauma’s like a certificate,” Lila said with a lopsided smile. “Wahey, I’m scarred for life.”

“Hope it’s not for life,” Asher said softly. There was a certain emotion in his words, but Ms Shard commenced the lesson, sharply drawing their attention to her before Lila could question it further. Once class was over, Asher confirmed that he’d have morning tea with Isaac before they split off to their next class.

Lila felt a pit growing in her stomach as she realised that she would need to tell Elise and Grace that she wouldn’t be having lunch with them, and instead be having lunch with Asher.

Just as predicted, Elise’s eyes nearly popped out of her head after Lila explained her lunch plans while they were hanging around their usual spot during morning tea. Grace simply gave Lila a heavy sigh.

“Lila, have you ever had lunch with just him?” Elise asked, still gobsmacked. “Won’t it be awkward?”

“A couple times,” Lila said automatically. Elise and Grace stared at her like she’d told them she’d grown a third arm overnight. “O-Outside of school, of course. And, besides, you guys know I’ve been hanging out with him.”

“I don’t think adding ‘outside of school’ made it any better,” Grace said, shaking her head. Elise gave Lila a hard look, appraising Lila for a moment before making a clicking sound with her tongue.

“Fine,” Elise said, shrugging. “I’m just going to drop it. Your… whatever you’ve got going on with Asher is weird, but you seem convinced that it’s fine, and you won’t get hurt. Keep doing what you’re doing, but maybe try telling Grace and me a bit more about what you’re doing or when you’re with him? Just in case something happens.”

“Like what?” Lila asked defensively.

“Lila, he just found out his girlfriend has been cheating on him for months and got pregnant by someone else. She doesn’t even know who the father is. He just got his stalker expelled. He’s still gunning for Dux. He’s got a lot of stuff going on – he’s going to unravel. And we honestly don’t know what that would look like when he finally does,” Grace said calmly, stepping between Elise and Lila before Elise could say anything else.

Lila couldn’t refute Grace’s words. Asher was under a lot of pressure. While Lila had seen him cry his eyes out over Holly, she couldn’t be sure how he’d react if it all became too much. Lila recalled his words from that morning – that he felt like he was feeling out of his mind and body over the past couple of weeks. Cracks were evidently starting to form.

“I do appreciate your concerns, guys,” Lila finally said. “But at this point, Asher and I are friends. And, just like you guys want to support me and not see me get hurt, I feel the exact same way about him. But… I guess I have been kinda keeping a lot of my hangouts with Asher a secret from you guys.” Lila added the last sentence in such a quiet whisper that Elise and Grace had to lean in to hear her properly.

“Look, some secrets can be good,” Grace said, straightening up. “Or at least kept for good reasons.”

“That reminds me,” Elise said, whipping her head around to look at Grace. “You still haven’t told us your gi-… partner’s name, or anything about them. You’re still in a relationship, right?”

Grace immediately turned pink. “Haha, yeah,” she said tentatively, breaking eye contact with Elise and leaning back slightly. “My p-partner and I are all good. Just… y’know. Secrets for a good reason.”

“Well, that sounds sus,” Lila said, crossing her arms. “It’s been like, what, four? Maybe more? Months since you told us you were dating someone. Surely it’s getting serious. I wanna meet them.”

“You’ve seen them around,” Grace blurted out, before covering her mouth with both hands, her pink hue turning scarlet.

“We have?” Lila asked, exchanging a look with Elise. “Do they go to our school?”

Grace seemed frozen for a moment before she lowered her hands and nodded.

“B-But they’re not, um… they’re not out yet,” Grace added in a small voice. “So, no meetings for a while still, guys. Sorry. But, maybe one day.”

“I guess we can’t force someone to come out if they don’t want to,” Lila said, unfolding her arms. “It can be hella dangerous.”

“Plus, a dick move,” Elise said, nodding. “That’s their private business. As long as you’re happy, I guess I can drop that too.”

“What about your love life?” Lila asked, giving Elise a playful grin. “Surely someone’s caught your sight?”

Elise shook her head ‘no’. “Too busy for a love life,” she said lazily, stretching her arms above her head. “What with school and work basically back-to-back, all day every day.”

“You sure are working a lot,” Grace observed, seeming relieved that the conversation had moved off her. “Like, a lot. You sure you need to work that much?”

“I enjoy it,” Elise shrugged, though she was looking past Grace and Lila rather than at them. “Plus, money is money.”

“Surely if you need money, your Dad can spot you?” Lila asked. Elise glanced at her. Lila could have sworn that there was something in the look she got from Elise, but couldn’t place it.

“I prefer my independence,” Elise said casually. “Plus, I’m saving up for a car.”

“And a holiday?” Lila asked, recalling what Elise had told her a few weeks back.

“Why not?” Elise shrugged again. She seemed to be overtly averting Lila’s gaze now, though. “I’d say those are some pretty good goals.”

“Meanwhile, my goal is to just survive school,” Grace said jokingly. “You’re amazing, Elise.”

“Why, thank you,” Elise replied, bending at the waist in gratitude. The girls laughed before starting to make their way back to their lockers to prepare for PC.

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Lila’s class after PC was PE with Asher. Today, they were separated into two teams for basketball, with Asher on the opposing team. Given the class was comprised of mostly amateurs, it didn’t take long for the basketball game to descend into absolute chaos. At one point, the basketball fell out of bounds and Connor, instead of using his hands to retrieve it, kicked it into the face of an unsuspecting Ayla. She collapsed to the ground like a bag of rocks upon contact, the thump ringing over the din. Play was suspended for a moment as Ayla was gently taken off the court and seen to by Ms Wright.

Connor stuttered an apology profusely to Ayla, who seemed much too annoyed to respond to him. Ms Wright quickly determined that Ayla would be okay enough to sit in the court, rather than proceed to sickbay. Play then resumed with a short blast of Ms Wright’s whistle.

Admittedly, Lila wasn’t very good at basketball. She felt much more comfortable extending her power through equipment, like her trusty hockey stick, rather than her own force. But that didn’t mean she was going to take losing lying down.

She moved across the court defensively and offensively with her team, though no one seemed to want to pass the ball to her. Then, she saw her chance.

“Asher!” she called. Asher instantly performed a chest pass and she received it perfectly with mischievous glee, immediately dribbling the ball and passing it to another player on her team. Extra teammates on the sidelines began cheering Lila and booing Asher, depending on the team they were a part of. Asher looked at Lila in shock, his face bright red, as one of his teammates began to berate him on their way to defend their basket. She winked at him and caught up to her team, one of whom subsequently scored her team three points after shooting the ball neatly into the basket. Lila’s teammates high-fived her as they reset their positions, their exuberant cackles echoing across the court.

Lila played for a few more minutes before being tapped out by one of her classmates, and she gratefully stepped off. Asher was shortly tapped out as well, and he made his way to her after grabbing his water bottle, an amused expression on his face.

“You play dirty,” he said, tutting and shaking his head. She grinned at him as he drank some water.

“Your head was obviously in the clouds if you were tricked that easily,” she said, shrugging innocently. “Besides, did you really expect me to not be competitive?”

“I didn’t expect you to play a trick on me,” Asher pouted. They burst into simultaneous laughter and watched their teammates play some more. They weren’t tapped back in, which suited Lila just fine. Lila’s team ended up winning, which she proudly declared after getting changed and meeting up with Asher outside the gymnasium to his playful chagrin. It was lunchtime now, so they ambled towards the locker room. Neither of them were in a rush. Asher was still loudly disapproving of her tactic, but in a light-hearted kind of way.

Asher retrieved his lunchbox and they shuffled off towards the tuckshop, chatting away about innocuous things, such as upcoming assessments. Neither of them seemed to want to touch the subject of what they had seen yesterday.

This changed, however, once Lila bought her food and they sequestered themselves in an empty meeting room inside the library. Asher opened his lunchbox with a long-suffering sigh, retrieving a Tupperware container filled with a delightful assortment of side dishes next to a crumbed, sliced pork cutlet atop some rice.

“I… can’t stop thinking about what we saw,” he said slowly, looking sadly down at his food.

“It’d be hard to,” Lila replied, shaking her juice box. “I mean, I can’t stop thinking about it either.”

“At least we know not to cross Marlene,” Asher said solemnly, jabbing at a strip of pork.

“Not that I was planning to,” Lila said, shuddering. Asher gave her a grim smile before biting down on his food. They ate in silence for a while.

“Asher, I’ve been wondering, though,” Lila said slowly, swallowing her pasta. “Do you know why your Mum fought with Gabriel like that? I know you said she wanted him out of the house, but did you hear why?”

Asher shook his head. “Not at all. I was in the library, playing a board game with my cousins when I heard the commotion and went to check it out. I pretty much only heard what I said.”

“How would we find out about it?” Lila asked, drumming her fingers beside her food. “I mean, would we ask Gabriel?”

“I… don’t know if we should,” Asher said, furrowing his brow as he stabbed a new piece of pork. His eyes suddenly lit up as he dropped his fork.

“Maybe you could ask your sister?” he said eagerly. “Was she working on the 27th?”

“I honestly don’t know,” Lila replied, shrugging. “It was so long ago and pretty insignificant to me whether she was or wasn’t. Plus, I didn’t even know she had a job until we stumbled in on her, dolled up and ready to perform. But maybe she did? What, you think I could ask her?”

“At least whether or not Gabriel was acting strange in the lead-up to or after the 27th or 28th,” Asher confirmed, nodding. “I know it was a Tuesday, but maybe he’d started doing odd things before then.”

“Good idea,” Lila replied, pulling out her phone and jotting Asher’s question down so she could ask her sister. She looked back up at Asher.

“I’m still bothered by the book,” she said, frowning.

“That book that you think went missing?” Asher asked, bringing a finger to his chin in contemplation.

“Yeah,” Lila nodded. “You remember that weird note?”

“The one where I apparently need glasses or something?”

“That one, yeah. I put it back in the top book before we left the first time we got into the study. But when I looked at the photo I took of the note, I could see that the top book on our second visit was a completely different one. Plus, it didn’t have the note.”

“That’s right, you did take a picture of the note. Have you tried deciphering it?”

“Nah,” Lila said, waving a hand dismissively. “Not smart enough for that.”

Asher grinned. “Challenge accepted. Can you send it to me?”

Lila complied with Asher’s request, and he peered at his phone once the picture arrived.

“This… doesn’t seem to follow any kind of logical pattern,” he said slowly. “Do you reckon this could all be a play on words?”

“Beats me.”

“If it’s a play on words, I don’t know whether I can crack it,” Asher said doubtfully, bringing his phone closer to his eyes. “But I can give it a go.”

“I’ve also been thinking,” Lila said quietly after a brief pause, “about Marlene not showing up in the CCTV cameras that day she caught us outside the study. Do you think she did something to the cameras? Or did they coincidentally fail except for the one near the kitchen or something?”

“I wasn’t watching them,” Asher replied, shaking his head. “Do you think she did something to the cameras?”

“Well, I hadn’t seen her at all, anywhere,” Lila replied. “Gabriel was still dancing, though.”

“If she did something to live CCTV footage,” Asher said gradually, picking up his fork and staring down forlornly at the strip of pork. “Then perhaps she did something to the footage showing my Mum going missing.”

“It’s a possibility,” Lila confirmed slowly. “But, at the same time, Marlene… could be a normal maid that just has a second job.”

“A normal maid who beats a guy to death or close to?”

“You could think of it as her defending the house.”

Asher snorted before looking off in the corner of the room pensively. “How did she know he was there? And why did she go through the city and to Gabriel’s nightclub before taking a taxi home or something?”

“All good questions,” Lila sighed. They sat in silence for a minute or so, eating their food, before Asher began to speak.

“Do… you think I’m scarred for life?” he whispered, looking down at his lunchbox, which he gripped tightly in his hands. Lila studied his face carefully, unsure at first how to respond.

“Even if you are, that doesn’t make you any less than who you were before all this,” she said quietly. “Do you know the concept of kintsugi?”

Asher shook his head, lifting his eyes to take in Lila’s face.

“It’s the Japanese art of repairing broken, chipped and cracked pottery with gold,” Lila said, meeting his gaze. “The fixed pieces end up being beautiful and resilient. Scars are something that we pick up through a life well lived – but, depending on how you deal with things, your scars can shimmer like gold. I guess what I’m trying to say is… it’s done. But you shouldn’t be ashamed or scared of your scars. They make you… sturdier. After you’ve finished all your healing, I’m sure you’ll find that you’re better off, having learned those lessons.”

He blinked at her for a moment. “I… think I know what you’re trying to say,” he said finally with a faint smile. “Thanks.”

“If anyone thinks less of you because of what you’ve gone through, that’s on them,” Lila said softly. “In case you were worried about that.”

“What would make you think that I’d be worried about that?” Asher said sharply, his voice seeming defensive. Lila looked at him for a moment, before shaking her head with a small smile.

“No reason.”

Asher frowned, seeming slightly perturbed. They continued to eat in a comfortable silence, the tension from trying to figure out Marlene’s motives having evaporated. Lila took the time to reflect on what they had been through over the past term and a half. It was funny, really. That they were able to sit here together, without awkwardness. She felt like she could almost see their bond between them slowly weaving itself into a stronger and thicker rope with each passing conversation. Lila couldn’t have predicted that they would be this close at the beginning of the year, what with Asher confiding in her so fully. It was a strange feeling, but not at all unwelcome.

“I keep relying on you,” Asher said suddenly, placing his emptied Tupperware container back into his lunchbox. “For a lot. But I’ve been feeling like you might be holding back on me.”

“What do you mean?” Lila asked, staring wide-eyed into his own scrutinising ones.

“I guess… I feel like I’ve been relying so much on you, but I don’t feel like you rely on me much at all. It makes me feel guilty. Like I’m using you.”

Lila shook her head vehemently. “No way,” she said firmly, “if it wasn’t for you, with the whole rumours thing, dealing with Piper, and even standing up for me with Clare, I think I’d be a nervous wreck all the time. I mean, you saw me. When I collapsed at your house from the pressure… Even just with the rumours, I didn’t want to be seen talking with any guy, just in case it got worse. I even turned down a semi date ‘cause of it all. But you helped me get through that, and here we are, eating lunch at school together.”

“You turned someone down?” Asher asked, his face a light shade of red. “Who?”

“Justin tried to ask me, but I said no,” Lila said. “Why’d you ask?”

Lila could have sworn that his face turned a deeper shade of red as he turned his head away from her. “I-Isaac was wondering if you turned anyone down.”

“That’s a surprise,” Lila said with a laugh. “He asked me if Elise or Grace were free, and I said Grace didn’t have anyone. He never asked me if I was available.”

A small realisation crept into the back of her mind as her own face turned crimson, and she faced entirely away from Asher. Clearly, Isaac wasn’t the one wondering. So, why would he lie about that?

“A-Anyway,” Asher said after a few seconds, “we should start heading off.”

They packed up and left the library, gently breaking into discussions regarding Asher’s new Switch game. He ended up playing some of it over the week, and he enthusiastically said that Lila needed to watch him play. Laughing, she promised that she would sometime when Elise, Grace and Isaac suddenly called out to them near the entrance of the locker room. The three of them shared identical, smug grins, with Elise and Grace swiftly linking arms with Lila and escorting her towards her locker.

“See you later, Asher!” Lila called behind her as Isaac appeared to be steering Asher towards his own locker.

“You guys look far too pleased with yourselves,” Lila observed with narrowed eyes once she pulled out her materials for her last two classes for the day. The trio began walking towards Modern History, with Grace and Elise exchanging an amused look. They didn’t respond to Lila’s comment, so she decided on a different tactic.

“Did Isaac have lunch with you guys?” she asked. Elise burst into a fit of giggles, and Grace glanced at Lila.

“Yeah, he did,” Grace said, nodding. “He was a bit put out that Asher ditched him, so found us.”

“What did you and Asher do at lunch?” Elise asked, smirking.

“Nothing weird,” Lila said with an annoyed look on her face. “I thought you were going to drop it?”

“I thought you were going to tell us more,” Elise replied in a sing-song voice. Lila flushed slightly and sighed.

“We just talked,” she said. “He got a new game last week and started playing it, so he was excited to tell me about it.”

“A game?” Grace queried.

“Yeah, the new Zelda one,” Lila said, stopping her sentence short suddenly. The image of Clare, wearing the elven ear prosthetics and her skimpy outfit as ‘Roxy Wurld’ flashed in Lila’s mind’s eye. There was no way she’d tell Grace and Elise about their adventure in the nightclub, though the tale was burning to get out.

“Sounds thrilling,” Elise replied, semi-sarcastically.

“It sounds pretty fun,” Lila shrugged. “Not that I’ve seen it myself, though. But you guys are acting a bit weird. What’s up?”

“Nothing at all,” Grace said smoothly. “Isaac was just pretty funny. But repeating the jokes would lose its effect.”

Lila remained suspicious of Grace and Elise, but forgot all about it once Modern History started.