Chapter Forty-Nine

A text message interrupted Lila’s concentration as she was studying that night in her room. She rubbed her eyes and stretched her arms above her head, yawning. Asher’s insistence that she study was certainly influencing her. She checked her phone – it was a message from Asher. Smirking, she idly wondered if she had clairvoyance, given he’d just popped into her head.

Hi, he’d sent. There was nothing else.

Hey, Lila replied, slightly confused. He never really sent her a greeting when texting her. It was usually straight to the point.

Isaac’s being weird, Asher sent. Immediately afterwards, he sent another message. Can we have lunch tomorrow again?

Sure, Lila replied instantly. What’s he being weird about?

Nothing, Asher sent.

Then he’s not being weird? Lila replied, chuckling aloud in bemusement.

Uh he is. But it’s nothing, Asher replied. Sorry, gtg. See you tomorrow

See you tomorrow, Lila replied, shaking her head. Asher’s evasiveness with telling her what was up was a bit unusual, but maybe he’d go into it in person.

It was surprising, then, when Isaac himself appeared by Lila’s locker at the start of morning tea the next day. Elise and Grace were nowhere in sight, which wasn’t exactly unusual. While they mostly had morning tea together, it was also common enough that they were caught up after class, or with other classmates and didn’t have enough time to have morning tea as a trio. Though, after Elise and Grace’s suspicious behaviour yesterday, and Asher’s report that Isaac was being ‘weird’, Lila thought that perhaps there was a conspiracy brewing behind their absence.

“What’s up?” Isaac asked with a lopsided grin, leaning against the locker next to Lila’s.

“Nothin’ much,” Lila replied, her eyes narrowed. “Why aren’t you with Asher?”

“He got called into a meeting with Mr Barsch,” Isaac said with a shrug. “So, I’m all on my lonesome today.”

“Is it ‘lonesome’ or ‘ownsome’?” Lila asked, closing her locker door after retrieving some fruit.

“Dunno,” Isaac replied simply. “Clearly.”

Lila snorted and turned to look at Isaac properly, crossing her arms. “Righto. So why are you here?”

“Wanna chat with you,” Isaac said, a mischievous grin spreading across his face.

“About?”

“Let’s walk and talk,” Isaac said quickly, gesturing for Lila to follow him. She couldn’t deny her curiosity and fell into step next to Isaac. They found their way to the Home Ec building, and Isaac led her towards the spot under the awning where he typically sat with Asher. He flopped down with a heavy sigh as if the weight of the world was pressing against his shoulders. Lila sat beside him, biting into her apple.

“So,” Isaac said after noisily opening a snack-sized packet of Shapes. “Asher and I had a fight yesterday. Kinda.”

“About what?” Lila asked, lowering her apple in shock.

“Well,” Isaac drawled, giving her a sidelong look. “I may or may not have confronted him about you.”

“What about me?” Lila asked, her heart feeling as though it had stopped beating altogether.

“I may have said something about you being into him, and something about him being into you since the dawn of time.”

Lila began to splutter, teetering between being angry and bewildered. He grinned at her and continued.

“Told him he should go for it. He got all mad and defensive though. Flat out said no, especially not after Holly and he said you don’t like him like that anyway, and he doesn’t like you like that anymore. Said you guys are just friends, and he’s content with keeping it that way.”

Lila wasn’t sure whether she had a heart anymore as she dropped her head down, looking at her lap.

“Oh,” she said softly. She could feel Isaac’s eyes evaluating her, but she couldn’t find the strength to look at him anymore.

“He’s right though,” Lila finally said with a deep sigh. “We’re just friends. And I don’t like him like that. So, it’s not like anything could happen anyway. Plus, he doesn’t like me like that.”

She glanced at Isaac, who looked frustrated for a split second before he realised she was looking at him.

“Why are you like this?” he sighed, rubbing his forehead.

“Like what?”

“Nothing.”

The hush between them was incredibly awkward now as Isaac idly tapped his knees together. Lila was scrambling to figure out what Isaac had meant but came up empty.

“So… got any plans for the weekend?” Isaac eventually asked, looking at Lila’s face. She avoided his eyes as she answered.

“No.”

“Not even on Saturday?”

Lila looked at Isaac sharply. “Why are you asking?”

“Oh, just curious. Since you’ve been hanging out with Asher on Saturdays recently.”

Lila’s suspicions that Elise, Grace, and Isaac had conspired about something only strengthened. She had mentioned that she’d seen Asher the past couple of Saturdays to Elise and Grace the other day, and here was Isaac, bringing it up in a way that seemed forced.

“… Has he been telling you that?” Lila asked. Isaac gave her another sideways glance.

“Sure,” he said unconvincingly. “That’s exactly what happened.”

“Somehow, I’m doubting that.”

“Anyway, I’m glad you don’t have plans on the weekend. I need to hang out with Asher this weekend.”

Lila was surprised by Isaac’s phrasing. “Need to?”

“Yeah,” Isaac said, waving a hand dismissively. “It’s been a hot minute.”

They fell into another awkward silence, which lasted for an agonising ten minutes. It seemed as though Isaac was thinking deeply about something. As Lila was contemplating wandering off towards her PC class early, Asher jogged by, seeming out of breath. Both Isaac and Lila blinked at him in surprise.

“Oh,” Asher said, huffing slightly. “Why are you here, Lila?”

“Isaac wanted to talk to me,” Lila replied. She could feel the heat rising from her cheeks, which could only mean that she was blushing furiously. Asher’s face turned pale as he looked at Isaac, seeming nervous.

“What was it about?” Asher asked Isaac directly.

“Oh, you know. Stuff and things,” Isaac said offhandedly. Asher looked as though he wanted to interrogate Isaac further.

“I-I’ll just go,” Lila said, standing up. “I’ll see you at English, Asher.”

Before either Isaac or Asher could call her back, Lila escaped to the locker room. English followed Assembly, which was a real drag, filled with award ceremonies for the rugby and dance teams in particular.

Today, Asher provided commentary alongside Ms Shard’s analysis of the final few scenes of Romeo and Juliet. Lila noted his observations down with a small grin. It had been a while since he gave her his insight, and she was delighted that he felt comfortable enough to do so. Class was let out with Ms Shard’s reminder that their next lesson would be dedicated to working on their assessment.

Asher and Lila strolled leisurely to the locker room, though today Asher seemed quieter than he had yesterday.

“Is everything okay?” Lila asked once Asher grabbed his food from his locker. He held up two lunchboxes, inspecting them for a moment.

“Here,” he said, thrusting one at Lila.

“What’s this?” Lila asked, taking it in surprise.

“A lunchbox.”

“Well, I can see that, but why are you giving it to me?”

Asher sighed, averting his gaze from Lila. “… I told Gabriel that you always get lunch from tuckshop. He wanted to make you lunch so you could save some money.”

“Oh,” Lila said, somewhat embarrassed. “That’s sweet of him. He didn’t need to bother.”

“He insisted.”

They headed into the library again. The meeting room they sat in yesterday was empty, and they cracked into their lunchboxes. It looked like Gabriel had prepared a chicken tortellini with pesto and broccoli for both of them. As expected, it was superb.

“I know I just said Gabriel didn’t need to bother,” Lila said with a grin. “But I’m glad he did.”

“I’ll be sure to pass your message along,” Asher replied, smiling at Lila. They ate in silence, though Lila’s mind was active. For some reason, now that she was sitting here with just Asher, Isaac’s words kept replaying in her mind. ‘Flat out said no, especially not after Holly and he said you don’t like him like that anyway, and he doesn’t like you like that anymore. Said you guys are just friends, and he’s content with keeping it that way…’

Lila wanted to ask Asher about it, but fear was gripping her tongue. Though… what was there really to ask? Isaac wouldn’t lie to her about this. If Asher had said that he wanted to date Lila, she was sure that Isaac would have immediately told her, given his admission that he wanted Lila to have a crush on Asher. Asher surely would’ve told Isaac the truth about his feelings, too. They were best friends after all. So, that was it then. Asher… didn’t like her in that way, and he was content with staying friends.

Lila’s eyes began to water, but she quickly rubbed them. The fleeting feeling of burgeoning tears disappeared, and she sighed. Asher looked up at her. He seemed ready to say something, but shook his head instead and continued eating.

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“Have… you played any more Zelda?” Lila asked after a couple minutes. Asher gleefully looked up and launched into a play-by-play recount of his latest adventures. It helped distract Lila from what Isaac had said that morning, and she found herself enjoying her lunch with him.

“Did you manage to talk to your sister yet?” Asher asked after a momentary lapse in the conversation.

“Not yet,” Lila replied, shaking her head. “She’s… well, I guess ‘avoiding me’ is a bit harsh for what she’s actually doing, but she’s been hard to nail down at home anyway.”

“Oh,” Asher replied, seeming surprised. “I… guess that makes sense. I’m sure it’s probably confusing for you to work out how you feel about it all.”

“You could say that again,” Lila laughed. She placed the empty Tupperware she’d eaten from back into the lunchbox and zipped it up before glancing at Asher. ‘He said he felt like I don’t rely on him much at all… Does that mean he wants me to confide in him more? So that it feels equal?’ Lila thought, furrowing her eyebrows.

“A-Actually, I… think I need help with that,” Lila said tentatively. Asher’s eyes seemed to light up and he zipped up his lunchbox before pushing it aside. He seemed to be giving Lila his full attention. Lila took a deep breath.

“I… guess there’s a couple of things that I’ve been struggling to come to terms with,” Lila began, her eyes flickering to his attentive ones. “Clare’s the eldest of us three. And… she’s a really great sister. She cares a lot about me and Daniel, but because she cares so much, she can be a bit… well, into our business. She never really talks that much about herself and what she goes through, and I don’t know whether that’s because she doesn’t want to worry us, or if she thinks we can’t help her out. But, in general, she’s pretty selfless. And she’s always been pretty responsible, as the eldest. She’s… carried our burdens on her shoulders a lot. She used to fight our parents on our behalf without any regard for herself. I guess… I look up to her a lot. Always have, and always will.” She exhaled heavily, glancing nervously at Asher. “Sorry, I’m rambling.”

“That’s fine,” Asher said softly. “Go on.”

“N-Not that there’s anything wrong with being a dancer at a nightclub. On one hand, it’s her life, and she doesn’t owe anyone an explanation or anything. She can have fun, and do what she wants, as long as she’s not being pressured. But it’s still shocking. Mum’s a Catholic Filipina and pretty conservative. She definitely wouldn’t approve of tattoos or Clare acting, well, sexy for money. So, it makes sense that she wouldn’t tell me about her job, so that I can’t tell Mum, but it also kinda hurt. Knowing that she couldn’t trust me fully. There’s… also the matter of you.”

“Me?” Asher asked, his eyes wide with surprise. “What did I do?”

“It’s not like you did anything,” Lila said hesitantly. “But she… didn’t like you very much. She thought you were using me. She also didn’t like the fact that I kept hanging out with you while you had a girlfriend. She thought… I’d get hurt.”

“Get hurt? What does that mean?”

“I-I don’t know,” Lila stammered, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. Truthfully, she only had half an idea of what Clare meant, especially after Clare briefly mentioned her own experience with a guy who’d hurt her deeply. Though, why Lila herself would get hurt, she wasn’t too sure. Had Clare been implying that she thought Lila had feelings for Asher? And that Asher had the power to hurt her somehow? In saying that, Lila briefly remembered her conversation with Clare, Grace and Elise back in the beginning of the year, when they all discussed the idea of Lila having a crush on Asher in her room. It wouldn’t be so surprising, then, if Clare did think that Lila liked Asher in that way.

“I see,” Asher said thoughtfully. “I mean, how do you feel about it overall?”

“I guess having the past few days to process has helped me settle my confusing emotions. But, being able to articulate it with you has helped even more. Thanks for listening, Asher,” Lila replied earnestly. Asher’s face flushed slightly, and he scratched the back of his head.

“I… well, thank you for telling me. I hope you’re able to talk to Clare soon.”

“Same here,” Lila said with a soft smile. She looked down at the desk separating herself and Asher briefly, contemplating whether she should ask about what Isaac had said. She ended up deciding against it. The rest of lunch passed by with more discussion of Asher’s game, and some light discussion of tomorrow’s sporting practice. Then, something occurred to Lila.

“Hey, what did Mr Barsch want?” she asked. Asher looked at her in bewilderment.

“How’d you know about that?” he asked.

“Isaac said that’s where you were during morning tea. That’s why he hung out with me.”

“Ah,” Asher replied, running his fingers through his hair. “Well, Mr Barsch… was checking on me. He wanted to know why I quit so suddenly a few weeks ago. He said… I shouldn’t give it up.”

“I don’t think you should, either,” Lila noted lightly. Asher exhaled deeply, looking up at the ceiling behind Lila’s head.

“I don’t want to,” he finally admitted in a whisper. “B-But I just can’t face the idea of… versing her school. A-And it just reminds me of her, now.”

“I know that it reminds you of her, but you’ve had such a long run of it, I’m sure you have way more memories without her in them. And, if your old memories are haunted by her, you can make new ones,” Lila said softly.

“… You’re right,” Asher said, his eyes flickering to hers for half a second.

“Plus, surely you could sub out for matches against her school,” Lila reasoned.

“I guess I could,” Asher said, looking down at his hands now. “We do have enough people in our team.”

“I’d kinda been looking forward to watching you, one day. When we had a home match,” Lila murmured, intertwining her fingers in her lap. She wasn’t quite sure where she’d received the courage to say this to Asher, but she was grateful that she had when looking at Asher’s delighted expression.

“Well, now I gotta get back on the team then, don’t I?” Asher replied with a laugh. Lila grinned at him.

“Let me know when your next home debate is, yeah?”

“Of course.”

----------------------------------------

On Saturday morning, Ms Wright stood before the hockey girls, her arms crossed.

“Ladies, the first match is on the 3rd of June,” she announced. A slight amount of chatter emanated from the group. Ms Wright silenced them with a frosty glare.

“So, as usual, we’re going to change up our practice sessions. We’ll still meet here on Saturday mornings, same time, to do some warmups if we have a home game. But we’re going to need another session during the week. I expect you all to be here on Tuesday afternoons, starting on the 30th, as well as Saturday mornings when we don’t have a game.”

A resounding groan sounded from Lila’s teammates, but she personally didn’t care. A schedule change like this happened every year. She wasn’t quite sure why anyone would be surprised.

Lila’s team launched into practice without much further discourse. As far as Lila could tell, it was going well. She didn’t feel rusty anymore, at least, and the team seemed to have whipped up into shape, too. Passes were being received with ease, across longer and longer distances without issue.

Once practice was over, Lila slowly made her way off the field. She’d worked a bit harder today than she had last week, so she was feeling sufficiently tired.

“Yo,” Asher’s voice called from behind her. He was grinning and incredibly sweaty.

“Hey,” Lila replied, smiling. “Got any plans for the weekend?”

Asher shook his head. “Nah, just study.”

“Sounds boring.”

“Thrilling, actually,” Asher said playfully. It was at that moment that Isaac strolled up to Asher and clapped him on the shoulder.

“Mate, Lila’s right. That’s too boring. Can we hang out instead?” Isaac asked. He seemed flushed, though Lila figured that would be because of soccer practice. But there was something in his eyes that seemed nervous. Asher looked at him in surprise.

“Sure,” he said, his face breaking into another grin. “Did you wanna come over now? We can play a couple games.”

Isaac, for some reason that Lila couldn’t figure out, glanced at Lila, his face incredibly guilty.

“Yeah, sounds good,” Isaac replied with a trembling smile.

“Awesome. I’ll just tell Marlene.”

Asher jogged over towards the carpark, though Isaac didn’t follow him. He instead looked at Lila, his face contorted in pain.

“I’m about to do something stupid,” Isaac said softly. “I hate myself for it.”

“If it’s stupid, then don’t do it,” Lila said, giving Isaac a bemused look. She couldn’t figure out what Isaac was trying to convey with his facial expressions, but Asher called for Isaac, hanging out the front passenger door of Marlene’s car and waving excitedly. Isaac took a deep breath and walked away, hands in his pockets, leaving Lila perplexed. What did Isaac mean?

Lila shook her head and grabbed her sports bag from the changing room. Today, Clare was waiting for her in the carpark. Lila figured now was as good a time as any to talk to Clare, given Clare had no escape.

“Hey,” Lila said as she hopped into Clare’s car and buckled her seatbelt.

“Hey,” Clare replied, turning up the music in her car and exiting the carpark. Lila pressed her lips together before she reached over and turned the music down.

“What-” Clare started to say before Lila cut her off.

“Can we talk?”

Clare sighed heavily and turned down her music more. “I was wondering when you’d want to.”

Lila didn’t know where to start, so sat there, awkwardly mute. Clare glanced at Lila via the rearview mirror before sighing again.

“Now that I’ve had some time to think on it, I’m still mad, but not as mad,” Clare admitted, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

“I’m sorry, Clare,” Lila murmured. “Sorry for taking your ID and your clothes. And sneaking into a nightclub.”

“Don’t be sorry to me,” Clare huffed. “Be sorry to yourself. I’m disappointed that you’d stoop so low. You have, like, one and a half years until you can just go into a nightclub legally. How could you be so reckless?”

“I know,” Lila mumbled. “Sorry.”

“I just- never mind. How are you feeling about it all?”

“I guess… I was really confused at first. Then, I felt hurt. Like, realising you couldn’t trust me enough to tell me. I mean, if I didn’t happen to be at Gabriel’s nightclub, I never would’ve found out, would I? Like how I found out about your tattoo. That was an accident, too.”

Clare remained silent for a few seconds, so Lila continued.

“I’m not weirded out, or ashamed about your job or anything, if you were worried about that. You give your all to everything you do, so I’m not surprised that you’re the fan favourite of the nightclub. And… I’m glad that you’re enjoying it. I was worried whether or not you were being pressured to do it, but when I found out Gabriel was the owner, it gave me such a sense of relief.”

“… You don’t tell me everything, either,” Clare countered softly. “Sometimes, I feel like you can’t trust me. Especially this year. You’ve been really mysterious. Ever since you started hanging out with Asher. Which… still doesn’t make me feel confident that you should be hanging out with him.”

Lila didn’t have a rebuttal to that.

“But it’s not my business. After meeting the kid, and knowing that he’s the kid Gabriel goes on about, I’m… feeling a lot better about it all. Like I can probably trust him, I guess. Just… stop making dumb, illegal decisions. Please?”

Lila looked at Clare, though Clare’s eyes were still fixed on the road. Lila remembered her suggestion to Asher to break into the cottage. That… probably would fall into illegal activity. But, she wasn’t about to tell Clare about that.

“Yeah,” Lila replied. “I’ll try.”

“Try?” Clare said, giving her a quick glare. “Would rather that you ‘do’.”

“Okay, I’ll stop,” Lila said with a resigned sigh, looking out the car window.

“He’s pretty cute, though,” Clare said, giving Lila another sideways look. “I can see why you want to hang out with him so much.”

“Clare, I’m not hanging out with him because he’s cute,” Lila said sharply, though she could feel her face burning. “He’s more than that.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Clare laughed. “Being the Dux and everything. I wouldn’t be mad if he became my brother-in-law, but I still think you shouldn’t try anything too soon.”

“He… said he doesn’t like me like that,” Lila whispered, almost too quietly for Clare to hear.

“Did he tell you that?” Clare queried, looking at Lila briefly before turning her attention to the road.

“No,” Lila replied sullenly.

“Then how do you know?”

“Isaac told me.”

“The guy you dated a couple years ago?”

“Yeah. They’re best friends.”

Clare gave a low whistle. “Girl, that sounds messy.”

“It’s not,” Lila sighed. “It was only a couple of months.”

“I see,” Clare replied. She paused before adding, “But if you didn’t hear it from Asher, then I’m not sure whether you can take that as the truth.”

Lila didn’t respond to Clare’s statement. Asher had no reason to lie to Isaac about that, nor did Isaac have reason to lie to her about it. Lila didn’t need to hear it from Asher directly. That would just sting even more.

Clare drove for a few more minutes before Lila pulled out her phone and looked at her Notes app.

“Say, Clare… were you working on the 27th of December?”

“Where’s this coming from?” Clare questioned, clearly surprised.

“Just wondering. ‘Cause Gabriel or Asher mentioned something about it, but I wondered what you knew.”

“Makes sense. Let’s see… well, that was the day of the break-in.”

“Break-in?” Lila stared at Clare, who glanced back at her in confusion.

“Yeah. Surely Gabriel said there was a break-in, if he mentioned the 27th of December. He had to go in before opening to sort it out. The Police were there and everything. Some idiots stole some audio equipment. Gabriel asked me to stay a bit later to get some more revenue for the club to replace it. I remember it clearly ‘cause I got a lot of tips that day, especially since it was after Christmas.”

“Was Gabriel acting weird before or after the 27th?”

“I mean, he was a bit on edge after the 27th. He kept going back and forth with the Police and filling out insurance forms and all sorts of stuff. He was pretty stressed out. He usually has a dance or two on the dancefloor every couple days but he didn’t even come dance until, like, mid-January or something like that.”

Clare gave Lila a sharp look. “Your questions are odd,” she said suspiciously. “Why are you asking?”

“I was just wondering,” Lila insisted, shaking her head. “Asher was a bit worried since Gabriel left early on the 27th, but didn’t want to ask him directly in case it was super sensitive.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Clare murmured. She still seemed suspicious, but Lila swiftly changed the topic to something that had been playing on her mind over the past week.

“So… what’s up with the name ‘Roxy Wurld’?” Lila grinned cheekily. Clare’s face turned red and she seemed to be far more interested in the road than she had been before.

“Well… it’s a play on words,” Clare said lamely. “I didn’t make it up. There was a list of available names, and Gabriel and Haylee – uh, she manages us girls – said a few out loud, to see what suited me. Roxy was the only one that stuck.”

Clare’s eyes flickered to Lila, and she seemed displeased at the fact that Lila was overtly holding back a snicker.

“It’s fine,” she said despondently. “You can laugh. It is a ridiculous name.”

That was all Lila needed. She began laughing heartily, and eventually Clare joined in. Once they sobered up, Clare immediately began talking about a show they had been watching with the rest of the family. By the time they arrived home, Lila felt as though things had gotten back to normal between her and Clare.