Chapter One Hundred and Seventy-Five

George had hardly rolled to a stop outside Asher’s house when Lila started unbuckling herself.

“See you next week, George,” Asher said as Lila gave a hurried “Bye!” and closed the door behind her.

Asher placed all their bags on his shoulders and unlocked the door, his gaze seemingly fixed on the task at hand. He swung the door open and she kicked her shoes off, shuffling them so they weren’t entirely haphazard, and swiftly followed behind him.

He took her hand and called out, “Hi, Gabriel. We’re here. Going up. Bye.”

Lila thought she heard an affronted sound followed by a resigned sigh emanating from the kitchen, but she didn’t turn to look and see if Gabriel was standing there.

They took the steps two at a time and burst into the rumpus room, sharing a single look, before immediately moving to his bedroom. He dropped their bags to the floor and then directed her backwards onto his bed. Her heart was thundering, her body light – like her happiness at being here, at his place, in his bed, with his trembling hands unbuttoning her shirt, would make her soar right through his ceiling.

Neither needed to ask about the other’s intentions, nor ask for permission since there was nothing else implied behind either of their movements. How she’d missed this particular warmth from him as he ran his hands across her body, his breathing heavy.

“My love, with all those jokes and comments you’ve been making all week, stopping myself from having you has been the hardest thing I’ve had to deal with in a long while,” he murmured, kissing her neck with enough pressure to make her shiver. “Now, look at me – I need to see the faces you make.”

He brushed his hands across her jaw, his eyes desperately searching for exactly what he’d asked, with endless desire mixed in for good measure. There wasn’t anywhere else she’d rather look, truthfully. He made short work of getting her ready for him, though she didn’t need much help with the way he was looking at her, his focus finally, finally just on her.

Once it was over, he smiled, pulling her close to him in a loving embrace, their sweat mingling yet again.

“Those eyes of yours are telling me you want more,” he whispered. “I do too, but I need some time to recharge, my love.”

She reached her hand up to his forehead, lightly brushing his hair out of his eyes. “Okay. I’ve got a list of videos to watch with you.”

He laughed. “Doing some research during your study block?”

“Of course.”

With the promise of more waiting for them, they pulled on some comfortable clothes before making their way, hand-in-hand, to his couch. She rattled off a couple of the videos that she wanted to see and he made his comments about them as he poured them some juices.

Instead of her usual spot at the other end of the couch – or rather the usual before they started dating – she sat close to his spot. He smiled at her as he placed their juices on the coffee table and sat down, picking up a controller. She looked at him for a moment before she climbed into his lap, sitting so that her feet were resting next to his hips, and wrapped her arms around his neck. He didn’t object to this as he brought an arm around her, using the other to find one of her recommended videos for them to watch. The silence in the rumpus room gave her some comfort and she lowered her arms and nestled herself against his chest, feeling his heartbeat against her shoulder.

“… A while ago, there were a couple things that you said you’d tell me much later,” she murmured as he selected the video.

“Mm?”

“And I was wondering… if you’d tell me now. Since… well… it’s not like I have anything to hide from you anymore. So I’d assume the same would be true for you.”

He halted the video. “Anymore?”

“Yeah, well… I stopped myself from talking to you about my feelings with the whole no intimacy thing. Can’t really do that now, since there’s been plenty of intimacy, and… I’m not scared that you’ll take it back, or stop us from going further. Unless you’re not in the mood or we can’t for whatever reason, like at school, but that’s different from what you were doing before.”

He brought his other arm around her, pulling her close enough to feel his breath tickle her neck. “I… figured you were doing that. Sorry. For making you feel like you couldn’t be honest with me.”

“It… wasn’t like I was dishonest with you. I just didn’t feel like I could tell you the whole picture. Since… I didn’t want to upset you or pressure you.”

He was silent as he continued to hold her before sighing. He kissed her neck then let go of her and she readjusted herself so she could properly see his face.

“There were a few things that I said I’d tell you about later,” he said slowly. “One of them… was about me being worried about you.”

Lila nodded, resting her hands on his chest.

“Besides the fact that I’m always going to worry about you when there’s a murderer on the loose, I meant that I was worried about me hurting you. I meant it when I said I’d never forgive myself if something happened to you – and if it was by my hands, I… wouldn’t be much of a protector, would I?”

“Well, you haven’t hurt me,” she said quietly.

He curled his hands around hers. “Actually, I did.”

“Asher, that’s just how it goes, and it’s a one-time thing anyway. You’ve not hurt me since, and it was really short-lived when it happened anyway. Now when we do it… I feel too good.”

A smile flashed across his face. “That’s the goal.”

“So, please don’t feel guilty, or like you can’t forgive yourself.”

“It’s… not as bad as I was expecting,” he said softly, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “The not-forgiving myself part. Sometimes it comes up when I can’t sleep, but it’s an easy fix when I remember how happy you look nowadays. It’s kinda insane, actually. Like you’re radiant somehow. You were always gorgeous before, but now there’s something about the way you look at me now, and how you smile with everything you have that… makes me regret ever waiting and ever being scared. One day, I think I won’t be affected at all by it, but it really worried me when I hurt you.”

She looked into his sincere, honest eyes and stretched up to kiss him on the cheek. “I hope that day comes sooner rather than later. I love you.”

He smiled again, bringing one of her hands to his lips. “I love you too.” He paused before letting go and sighing. “As for… the stuff about your parents, and your Dad, specifically… well, your Dad’s a guy, Lila.”

“I know that one,” Lila replied. He glanced at her before continuing on.

“Which means… he knows exactly what a teenage boy is thinking. Which also means he’s well aware of my intentions with you.”

“But you didn’t have those intentions-”

“Lila, I’ve wanted to have sex with you for ages – long before we got together. Of course I had those intentions, but when it became real – that we actually could – I was… terrified, I guess, and so in my head about it. It felt like I had so much to lose if it didn’t go well, so I was scared to try. A-Anyway, when your parents asked me about our plans… they basically asked if we were going to have sex. I think it was from how I reacted when you asked your Dad if you could stay with me during the long weekend. I reckon I died about three times in that conversation.”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah. I mean, it wasn’t an outright question, but it kinda was. I said… I didn’t want to disrespect you, and I had no plans for it ever. Your Dad saw through that in a second and asked that I think about protection. He also said they were aware that they couldn’t stop us from doing it, even though they would’ve liked to. Which… made me really nervous. Then they said that I had to make sure to treat you well. That… I have to stop making you look so upset.”

Lila sighed. That had been something her Mum had said ages ago – that she had been worried about letting Lila hang out with Asher because of it. “No wonder you immediately wanted to go upstairs.”

“There were only so many profuse apologies and promises I could make before it’d look insincere.”

Lila gently touched his cheek. “Well, you haven’t made me look upset since.”

He looked at her intently. “You sure?”

“A hundred percent.”

“Good.” He touched her cheek as well before looking embarrassed. “As for… the conversation with Clare…”

Now this really intrigued Lila. “Yeah?”

He exhaled deeply, as though preparing to say something unpleasant. “Her opening line was ‘Touch my sister’s tits’. I thought I’d misheard, but she said it again.”

Lila placed both hands across her face. “Jesus.”

“I was really confused and I thought she was messing with me, so I said I wouldn’t. She then insisted I should cut the bullshit and just do it until I asked her why she was telling me to do that. Then… she said you were late to mine because you’d been crying so much she had to park.”

He began caressing the top of her head gently as he continued. “I felt like the worst person on the planet. That… my fear of hurting you was no longer a fear, and instead a reality. She said that it’d make you happy if I just gave you a little bit more. She said that it was fine if I didn’t want to have sex, but that you were distraught at the fact that I kept freaking out from just kissing, basically, and you needed some reassurance from me. She also said you’d never tell me because you were worried about pressuring me and upsetting me, which made me feel even worse. She pretty much asked why I was dating you if I wasn’t going to, well, do things that couples do. That we could’ve just stayed friends.”

“So… she meddled and pressured you.”

He shook his head. “She didn’t pressure me, Lila. You’ve said it a few times now, that you thought you were pressuring me, but you seriously weren’t. The fact that I held out for as long as I did was proof of that. You can’t pressure me to do something I want to do – that’s not how that works. I wanted to do it, and I really wanted to get out of my head and go for it. I just… felt like I couldn't.”

He looked at her before sighing. “Clare got me to open my eyes. I knew that stopping us made you upset, but I didn’t realise how upset and hurt it made you feel. It put into perspective how important it was to you, for us to be intimate. So… I spilled my guts out to her. Told her that I really, really wanted to – to the point where I couldn’t trust myself around you. That my hands started doing things that my brain hadn’t asked them to, like start taking your shirt off – and not giving me the time to ask you if that was okay. And how that terrified the shit out of me, since my brain is… meant to be in charge, and I rely on it a lot. But my body wasn’t listening.”

He paused, seeming incredibly ashamed now. “I… also said that sometimes with the way you look at me in class, I just want to get up and… do things with you right then. Intrusive daydreams, and all that. And that, above all, I was scared of hurting you, since I’d done a ton of research into it, and that if I did hurt you, you’d leave because I’d traumatised you. That’s when she stopped me and said ‘If I was Lila, I wouldn’t have had the patience with the way you cut off kissing and left already’. That perspective shocked me.” He hung his head, though he continued on.

“So… she said that, since I clearly wanted to do more, I should try and kiss you for longer. That I had to push past my instinctual panic and just… go slow. Show myself that I can be trusted and that you’d like it. She still said I should touch your boobs, which her strange insistence on that still confuses me. She said that I should try it and see what you’re like after, and… you were so damn happy. I felt like the biggest idiot again.”

He sighed once more. “Before that of course, I asked her… what I could do to face that fear of hurting you. She said that it’s up to me but, from how you talked about it and me, I should just go for it – and that I’d find that my overthinking was just that; overthinking. It didn’t sound to her like I wasn’t ready, but that I was just really nervous and she said that was entirely normal. She said even she gets nervous with new people, so I really didn’t need to put much weight into that feeling. She also said that sex takes at least two people and that you have your own agency. If it hurts and you didn’t like it, you’d tell me and we could try something else since we’d both want you to enjoy it. Then, once the first was over, I could relax. Kinda like what Isaac said, though his advice came too late, obviously.”

A flash of a smirk crossed his face as he said, “Then she told me to buck up and do that homework – kiss you for longer without cutting us off and touch your boobs, and see how you’d react. Once that was done, I’d see that I don’t have to be afraid of myself and see with my own eyes how much you’d like it. Which worked, of course. I couldn’t believe you were still happy the next day at school about it. It was like… it energised you, somehow.”

He smiled at her before adding, “I know you were worried about Clare meddling, but I really needed it – especially since I didn’t really have anyone close to our age to talk to about it who had experience. Well, except for Isaac, but he was keeping everything quiet for Elise. So, Clare helped a lot. Then your parents made me nervous again, but… Clare had said earlier that you were too important for me to let this self-doubt get in the way, especially since we both wanted it.

“It led to my epiphany, actually. The one I said I’d tell you about later. Essentially, I kept running from the way it felt when we kissed, and if I kept ignoring the fact that, actually, you also liked it when we kissed, then we may as well not be together. Like I said before, I kept thinking that it was an elaborate hoax, since I liked you for so long, that the fact that we were kissing kinda made me feel I shouldn’t ruin it… which, by cutting it short, I did ruin it each time. So I kept that in mind when I started building up to my decision to just try and let go of that self-doubt. I’d figured that it was a good time to do so that long weekend when you asked me about what changed. Didn’t mean I wasn’t nervous as fuck about it, though – to the point that I couldn’t bring myself to talk to you about it all before now. I probably would’ve if I’d known that we’d basically spend that whole weekend having sex, but that was clearly part of the problem.”

He looked into her eyes as he said, “I don’t regret spending our weekend that way. I could actually see that you really truly did want it, and weren’t just saying it ‘cause you knew I wanted it, which was helpful since I’d somehow convinced myself that was the case by then.”

He seemed to be finished with his recollection as he fell silent, tucking some more strands of hair behind her ear.

“Wow,” she murmured. “I’d been mad at Clare for telling you things that made you upset, like the fact that I was hiding how upset I was from you, but… I guess I owe her. I’ve never been happier.”

“I’ve never been happier either, my love,” he said, his smile genuine and radiating with love. She kissed him softly, which he reciprocated, before leaning back. Then, an amused smile crossed his face.

“Do you know why she was insistent about your boobs?” Asher asked. Lila sighed, leaning forward and lightly touching his forehead with her own before looking up at him.

“Part of my freak out in the car the day of the Show Holiday was about the fact that you’d said you’d touched Holly’s boobs over clothes, and that you thought you loved her at the time. So… my brain just leapt to the idea that you don’t, and wouldn’t, love me, since you hadn’t touched mine. I… also thought they weren’t big enough, or good enough, for you since you hadn’t.”

“Oh. Clare hadn’t said anything about that at all.”

So there were some things that were sacred between her and Clare.

“You don’t have to worry about all that stuff with Holly anymore,” he said, grasping her hands. “Easier said than done but, well, we’ve gone far further, I actually love you, and you’re far better than she ever was. In everything. Including your boobs. I know… I’ve made you insecure about her, but please don’t be. You’re my one and only, and the fact that I couldn’t stop thinking about you when I was with her makes me feel like you’ve always been that.”

Lila gazed into his eyes. They were so warm and sincere that she couldn’t disagree with him. When paired with what they spoke about over the long weekend regarding their first date, it left no room for doubt, either. But… there was one question that still bugged her. “So… I know you said before that you tried to force it but what did you feel for her?”

“She’d said ‘I love you’ first,” he said quietly, tearing his eyes from Lila’s. “So I just said it back. It was pretty much just me thinking it must be love since she said it. I also didn’t want to disappoint her by not saying it, and it’d been about two or three months or so at that point. It felt like I probably should love her by then. Now that I know in my heart what love actually is, what I felt for Holly was nothing more than maybe a simple crush at best since she was pretty enough. It made me feel like I’d accomplished something since she wanted to be with me. Of course, we saw how that turned out.”

“Do you think I’m prettier than her?”

“How is that even a question?” he pulled her tightly towards his chest. “Of course. Not only in looks, which you’ve always been the prettiest, most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, but your mind – your mind is even more so. Plus, the way you make me feel, your personality, everything about you – it blows my mind every day that you chose me. That… you’re mine.”

Lila remained silent as she processed his words. She was reminded of what her Mum had said, about their time in the Philippines together – ‘he said that I was beautiful, but my mind was more so’. The fact that Asher had said something similar made Lila’s heart flutter, a brief flash of their potential future whizzing past her mind’s eye. She couldn’t believe he was hers either.

“All in all though, it was a pretty fucking weird day at your house,” he joked, the sudden outburst shocking her into uncontrollable laughter.

He joined in, the gentle shaking from his laugh making her heart feel warm. Eventually, they sobered up and he met her halfway for a kiss. Once they broke away, she lifted the ‘L’ on his chest, watching it fall back onto him as her mind turned through what else she’d been curious about.

“This happened a while ago, but… you’d said you thought you were in trouble and when I asked what you meant, you said you’d explain one day. I mean, I think I know what it means when you say it now, but we weren’t doing those kinds of things back then.”

He looked at her blankly for a moment before giving a short laugh. “Right, right. I’d thought I was in love with you before we talked about me burdening you, but after what you said – it was undeniable. I knew you cared about me but when you’d said all that, about how you’d support me when I’m down and everything else, it felt like I’d crash-landed into the biggest jackpot imaginable. To think that you liked me – I’d grappled with that idea by then – was one thing, but to the extent you were saying? It felt like… you loved me, too.”

She pressed her head into his chest and said, “It wasn’t long after that that I figured out I’m in love with you.”

He placed his hand on the top of her head. “I’m glad my hunch was right that time.”

“We’ve said it time and time again, but we really are in trouble, aren’t we?”

“Absolutely.”

She sighed in contentment, bringing his hand down so she could hold it in hers. “At this point, being in trouble with you feels so natural.”

He laughed, placing his other hand on her cheek and stroking it softly. “While that’s true for me too, I think a little less trouble would be welcome at this point.”

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“That’s valid,” Lila replied, her eyes closing from his touch. They stayed like this in blissful silence for a little while until Lila whispered, “I wanna know what stars aligned for us to be paired together for English so I can thank them.”

He paused his stroking for a second before he asked, “Why’s that, my love?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” she replied, now moving so she could look into his eyes – eyes which looked, for the first time in a long while, mystifying. “It was the best thing that ever happened to me since it brought me to you. Everything afterwards… well, that’s the doing of both of us. I mean, despite what was going on, we kept coming back together. But that first time? I’ve got to thank someone or something for that. I’d thank Ms Shard, but I think she used the ‘name out of a hat’ method for the pairs, so… it must be something else. Either way, I don’t know what my life would’ve been like if that hadn’t happened, except that I wouldn’t be as happy as I am now.”

“You’re so sweet,” he murmured, cupping her face. “Why don’t we find out together? I need to thank them, too.”

She smiled. “Of course. Why would I ever want to do something like that without you? You’re stuck with me, remember.”

“And you’re stuck with me.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Eventually, after some more contented silence, Asher started the video she’d suggested and they both made themselves comfortable. They watched a couple more before Lila felt his hand wander down her chest.

“My love…” she said quietly, attempting to disguise the quiver in her voice. “What’re you doing?”

He stopped. “Exploring.”

“Exploring, huh,” Lila replied, taking his hand to encourage him to keep going. “What’re you hoping to find?”

He used both hands now, his breath dancing along her neck. “Something to play with.”

“I see,” she whispered, her voice quietening with each of his movements. “I think I can help you with that. Though, it’ll cost you.”

“Cost me?”

She nodded, looking up at his flushed face, taking in the desire etched across it. “I’ll also need something to play with.”

“Ah. I think I can help you with that, too.”

She smiled, about to turn her body so they could comfortably face each other when he held onto her shoulders, his lips trailing kisses down her neck.

Then, he stopped with his kisses and muttered after a second or two, “I… I can’t stop thinking about what you said earlier. You’re so adorable that you make me fall more in love each day – to the point where I could swear I’m reaching the limit. Yet, just when I think I’m there, that there can’t possibly be more depth to this feeling, you manage to prove me wrong and so further still I fall.”

He moved his hands from her shoulders to her torso, wrapping her in a firm embrace. “I know we don’t know who, or what, to thank for pulling us together at the start of this year, but… I want to thank you, my love. For showing me what love and trust truly is and what it can be. For sticking by me even though I can make things difficult. And… for being my best friend. Making me laugh. Making me smile. Making me-” he swallowed before adding, “-feel safe to be myself and feel safe in this batshit world we live in.”

She let his words soak in before squeezing his arms with her hands. “Thank you too, my love. For all of those things, since I feel the exact same. It… freaked me out a little, knowing that you had my heart in the palm of your hands a while ago, but the immense trust I have for you – that you won’t intentionally squish it to pieces – is unlike anything I’ve felt before. I’d almost given up before I confessed to you since I wasn’t convinced you liked me back, but my heart couldn’t let go. You’re so sweet and kind to me, and the way you talk about me and us to others keeps reaffirming that… choosing to keep going, to not give up on my feelings for you, was the best choice I could’ve made. I’ve forgotten what happiness before you felt like and now that we’re dating, I don’t want to remember since this just feels right. It’s still hard to believe that I’m capable of feeling this way to this extent – and that my love for you just keeps growing. The love you’ve given me – it’s the most treasured thing that I can call mine, even though it’s not tangible.”

He briefly tightened his hold on her. “My love… I can’t stand it anymore. Can I have you again? I know it hasn’t been that long b-but I need it.”

“You’re so polite all of a sudden,” she laughed. “My love, I’ve been waiting for you to be ready again.”

He helped her up from the couch, his face a bright red. “Then… let’s go.”

This session was much calmer than the previous, but it felt as though the very air in his bedroom was charged with deeply profound emotion. Lila was quickly swept up in it, in him, and the way he took care of her body as though she was the most precious person in the world to him – something she believed wholeheartedly.

“Asher, I love you,” she managed to whimper. “More than anything and anyone.”

“I love you too, Lila,” he groaned back. “You’re my everything.”

Her heart, which was already working at double time, skipped a beat as she swallowed, taking in his pleasure both with her eyes and her body. She grinned at him once his pants became deep breaths, his face red and shiny. His eyes met hers and he kissed her again. The passion behind this kiss – it was reflective of what she was still feeling, despite it being over.

He shook his head as if to knock his brain into place. Then, their eyes met again but, for some reason, he looked concerned.

With his free hand, he touched her left cheek and it was at this point that she realised tears were streaming down her face.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked, inspecting her body in various places.

“N-No, not at all,” she sniffled, wiping her eyes. He looked thoroughly unconvinced and panicked at the same time. She grasped his shoulders which halted his search.

“I’m fine, really,” she insisted, the emotion flowing through her causing yet more tears to fall. “I-I’m just feeling really emotional.”

“So I did-”

“No, my love. I… I’m feeling really happy and in love, actually. These are happy tears.”

“Happy tears?”

She nodded. “You make me feel really good, both physically and emotionally. I think this is just part two of my release.”

“I… see.”

Now Lila could understand why Elise had told Isaac she loved him the way she did – the intensity of what Lila was feeling now, enough to make her cry after doing that, was through the roof.

“I love you,” she said, wiping away her tears again. This time, no new ones took their place and the worry on Asher’s face faded.

“I love you, too.”

They gazed into each other’s eyes for just a second before the shrill sound of the intercom made them both jump. Asher looked down at himself, the tone still ringing.

“Uh, I’ll be back,” he said, slowly stumbling out of the room. Lila continued to simply lay in his bed, waiting for him to come back. It was probably Gabriel telling them that dinner was ready, but she really wanted to stay up here.

He returned, his face pink. “Gabriel said dinner will be ready soon.”

Lila sighed, listlessly sitting up. “Okay.”

“We have enough time for a shower.”

With that statement, her energy returned. “Let’s shower.”

He followed her into the bathroom, disposing of the condom as he usually did, and waited with her for the water to heat up.

“I’m glad you’re not crying anymore,” he said as she tested the water. She took his hand and gently pulled him in.

“Like I said, it was happy tears.”

“I know but you worried me for a moment.”

“Sorry.”

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad,” he said softly. “I’m just saying that tears from you are always going to worry me.”

“I’ll tell you if something’s wrong, my love.”

“You didn’t before.”

She pursed her lips, letting the water run through her hair. “That’s… because I didn’t want to upset you. I can see that keeping things like that from you upset you anyway, though. So I won’t anymore.”

“Good.” Then he mumbled, “Really good.”

“Why do you say that?” she asked curiously.

He glanced at her and reached for the shampoo before answering. “If there’s an issue, I want to know so I can solve it with you. It must’ve felt awful, being so upset but feeling like you couldn’t tell me everything. I don’t want that to happen again.”

“Okay,” Lila replied with a small smile. “I promise I’ll tell you if something’s wrong.”

He kissed her forehead in response and they spent the rest of their time showering in peaceful silence.

They arrived downstairs shortly after, settling themselves at the dining table. Gabriel placed plates of pork knuckle, apple cider gravy, roast vegetables and sauerkraut before them and Marlene poured them both cups of juice.

“How were your exams, Lila?” Gabriel asked kindly as he sat in his usual seat, the steam from his food still rising on his plate. Marlene also took her seat, her eyes on Lila as she seemingly waited for a response.

“Surprisingly, really good,” Lila replied with a smile. “Studying with Asher last weekend helped a lot.”

“Ah, you studied, did you?” Gabriel asked lightly. Lila exchanged an awkward glance with Asher, but Gabriel continued before either had the chance to address this. “I’m sure you did very well. Any exams in particular that stood out?”

It seemed like a well-used question, with how naturally he asked, and Lila considered this for a moment. “A couple questions in my Modern History exam tripped me up, but I think I resolved them.”

The rest of dinner revolved around questions regarding their exams, with Asher giving Gabriel such a detailed analysis of his performance – one he’d never given Lila, despite asking the same questions – that Lila figured it was part of some kind of post-exam block ritual.

Dessert was apple pie, made with the leftover apples from dinner according to Gabriel, which Lila and Asher accepted. This seemed to satisfy Gabriel as he sat across them with a beam.

‘He must’ve been really upset when we denied dessert last week,’ Lila thought as she dug into her apple pie. The bottom seemed to be close to shortbread, though it held its shape. Whatever it was, it was divine and she told Gabriel as such. As she had more, she remembered that the dessert they’d rejected last week was apple crumble. Had he tried a pie instead, in case the crumble was the issue? She decided not to ask in an effort not to remind Gabriel of the rejection.

When their plates were empty, they said their goodbyes and headed up to Asher’s rumpus room, hands intertwined.

“Wanna hang out for a bit out here?” he asked as he left her side to the kitchenette.

“Yeah,” Lila replied, floating towards the couch and her spot from this afternoon. He returned shortly after, placed their drinks down and made himself comfortable right next to her. They watched a couple of long-form videos, laughing and commentating as they did so.

It wasn’t long until they’d watched the videos she’d recommended and now they were on the hunt once more. With this moment of silence, Lila’s mind started to think about how delicious their dinner was – which reminded her of something else she wanted to ask.

“I… had another question,” Lila said as he scrolled through YouTube.

“Mm?”

“… Uh, why did you tell me you were ready right before dinner last week?”

He hesitated before wiping his face with his hands and clasping them before him. “I’d planned to just come out with it as soon as the rumpus room door closed but then I saw you put your bags in the spare room and I lost my nerve. I didn’t want to ask you to bring your bags back out and make it awkward so… I decided to ease into it, get my courage back. Freaked out pretty much the whole time the movie was playing and I hadn’t noticed how much time had passed. Sorry. I should’ve just told you-”

She placed her hands on his. “Asher, it’s fine. I was just curious. I was just hoping it wasn’t on purpose, like you wanted me to go crazy during dinner.”

“Sorry-”

She kissed him into silence. “My love, it’s fine. It’s kinda funny now. Like I said, I was curious.”

He sighed. “Alright.”

She leaned over towards a blanket and fluffed it over them, pressing herself into him in response and he evidently took it as a sign to keep searching for a suitable video.

“Excited for your match tomorrow?” she asked quietly as he painstakingly typed into the search function via his controller.

“I guess,” Asher replied, glancing down at her. “I’m more excited about the fact that you’re staying with me all weekend. Kinda feels like a chore to go to the semi-finals, to be honest.”

“Show off,” Lila laughed. “Charlotte almost sent herself into a coma with how distraught she was that we didn’t make it.”

“She’s pretty passionate about hockey,” Asher replied.

Lila nodded. “Yeah. She’ll probably be the Captain after Erika graduates.”

Speaking of Charlotte, though…

Lila smirked. “So, I sat next to Ayla during my study block.”

“What a change in subject.”

“Did you have anything more to add?”

He seemed to ponder this for a moment before shaking his head. “Carry on.”

“She told me a couple of things.”

“I’m guessing she was your source about Isaac and Elise’s activities?”

Lila nodded again. “Yup. Well, she also mentioned that Jackson apologised to her. She’s also talked to the school counsellor.”

“Both of those are good,” Asher said approvingly.

“Yeah. She’s got a lukewarm reception to those, though. She’s mostly still bothered that Brittany’s been really quiet with her.”

“She hasn’t talked to Brittany about it?”

“She’s too scared to.”

“I see.”

“After she mentioned that, though, she started asking me questions about Elise and Isaac about whether they’re dating and since when ‘cause, like, at least ten people have been talking about seeing them being suspicious when they hadn’t announced the fact that they’re dating. I almost lost my mind.”

Asher snorted. “They really aren’t sneaky, are they? It’s a miracle we didn’t find out before last week.”

“They really shouldn’t be as embarrassed as they are about it all at this point,” Lila said with a grin. It quickly faded when she remembered what else Ayla said.

“Definitely,” Asher replied.

Lila pulled the blanket up higher, contemplating whether she should keep the fact that they’d been spotted to herself.

“Did she say anything else?”

Lila caught sight of Asher’s amusement from the corner of her eye.

“Yeah, actually… um… she said people saw us.”

“Saw us?” Asher looked genuinely confused. “Doing what?”

“Well… you touched my boobs behind the IT building, remember?”

The realisation and subsequent embarrassment made Lila think steam would come out of Asher’s ears any moment now. “S-Seriously?”

“Dead serious,” Lila replied quietly. “I mean, what she said was specific enough.”

Asher ran his fingers through his hair before shaking his head. “Seems like we’re not sneaky.”

“Apparently.”

“… Definitely glad my Mum’s never hearing about that tidbit,” Asher said after a moment of silence. “I mean, I don’t want to tell her we’re doing anything sexual at all, but if she got a report from one of the teachers that we were doing something sexual at school? I’d have to move to a cabin in Siberia or something.”

“Maybe we should take the opportunity whilst she’s not here-”

“I know you’re joking with the suspicious way you’re smiling,” Asher interjected. “Would you want your parents to get a report about that?”

“Nope.”

“There we go.”

The TV turned off automatically and Lila looked at it in dismay. It was getting pretty late now.

“What time do we need to get up?” she asked, glancing up at Asher.

“Around 6,” he said, checking the time on his phone. “Now might be a good time to head to bed.”

She stretched her arms above her head and Asher helped pull her up. They shuffled along to his room and Lila hunted for her toiletries so she could run through her nightly routine. She plucked her toiletries bag out of her school bag and turned, seeing Asher abruptly stand up, his discarded blazer in his hands.

“What’s up?” she asked curiously as she crossed his room to the en suite, placing her toiletries bag on the sink. She briefly looked at him again, seeing his hand in his bedside drawer.

“Just… putting the condoms in my blazer somewhere easy to reach,” he replied, his tone slightly bashful.

She met her own eyes in the mirror, catching sight of how red her face was.

“I see,” she replied, uncapping her toothpaste. “A good idea.”

“I try to have some every once in a while.”

“You succeed every time.”

He snorted, joining her in the bathroom. They brushed their teeth together, the sound bringing Lila some comfort. Even doing mundane, everyday things with Asher was nice. Once they were done, she slipped into some pyjamas and slid into her side of the bed – swallowing down the impending giddiness of thinking that she even had a side of his bed – before getting back out.

“What’s up?” he asked, taking his shirt off. Her heart flopped and she looked back down at her bag full of sleepover things.

“I… I’ve decided that I don’t want to wear pyjamas,” she said, slowly taking them off and placing them back in her bag.

“I feel like I’m probably reading into this far more than the situation warrants,” he said quietly.

She took off her underwear and heard him take a deep breath in response. She wasn’t sure whether she should look at him, but she was done so there wasn’t anything else she could do.

“I-I’m gonna try and sleep,” he said as soon as their eyes met. He was already in bed as he added, “Um. Soccer and all that.”

“Yeah,” Lila murmured, getting back into bed, tiredness now overcoming her. “Okay.”

She switched off the lamp on the bedside table on her side. He didn’t move, despite the fact that his lamp was still on. Lila waited for him to turn it off whilst lying on her side. Quite a number of seconds passed – enough for Lila to speak up.

“My love, please close the light.”

“Close the light?”

“Yeah.”

“… How do I do that?”

Lila turned to face him, seeing that he looked incredibly confused – which made her furrow her brow in confusion.

“Is it not your lamp?” she asked.

“It is… but what am I closing?”

She stared at him before feeling her face heat up and spinning to the other side. “T-That’s not proper English. S-Sorry. I meant turn it off. Please.”

“Oh,” he breathed, flicking the switch which drowned his room in darkness. “I feel dumb.”

“No, no, I said it wrong. Sorry.”

He chuckled, inching his way towards her. She almost didn’t want him to, but when he touched her bare hip, she forgot why she’d ever not want him to.

“That’s so cute,” he said, his breath tickling the back of her neck. He embraced her fully and she felt that he was also naked. “Where’d that even come from?”

“… Mum says it all the time. It’s… the literal translation of what she says in Tagalog.”

“I see,” he murmured, pressing his chest even more into her back. “That’s cool.”

“Cool?”

“Yeah. I like it. Close the light. Sounds cool. Is the opposite open the light?”

Lila simply nodded.

“Hey, are you embarrassed?” he asked, lightly shaking her.

She didn’t respond.

“My love, you don’t need to be embarrassed. Like I said, it’s cute that you said that.”

“But… it’s not… it doesn’t make sense.”

“So? What a quirk,” he said fondly. “I feel like I’ve learnt a lot about you from that alone.”

She rolled to face him, her face still warm. “What do you mean?”

“Well… your Mum probably taught you English alongside Tagalog when you were little, rather than your Dad – or, at least, you were closer to your Mum as you were learning that particular phrase. It also means your siblings probably do the same thing – to the point that no one at home notices that it’s not right. It… also means, to me, that you think I’m close to you, like your family, since you made that mistake so easily. I mean, I’m not sure how fluent you are in Tagalog, but… making a mistake like that when you’re fully fluent in English feels comfortable – like you’re not caring about whether you’re correct or not. The last part might be a stretch, but it feels right to me.”

He was accurate about her Mum teaching her English alongside Tagalog when she was little, and the fact that no one at home pointed out that it was incorrect. She’d had plenty of sleepovers with Elise and Grace where she’d asked for things like lights to be turned on or off and neither of them had pointed it out – so maybe she didn’t say it with them. So… was he correct about the last part?

He brushed the hair out of her eyes with a small smile on his face. She pressed her lips together as she wracked her brain for the answer. ‘Yes’ felt right to her, too. Cosy, even. She’d already said he felt like home to her – and where was home if not where family was?

“I… think you’re right,” she whispered. “About all of it.”

He looked at her for a moment before his small smile broke into a big one. “I’m glad.”

She leaned forwards, kissing him. It was innocent at first, but, before she knew it, she found herself panting, “I-I thought you were going to sleep,” finding that catching her breath was a surprisingly difficult task.

“Am I not?” he murmured as they moved as one. “This feels like a dream.”

After a while, she could tell Asher had thoroughly enjoyed himself, his movements slowing to a stop. She smiled, bringing her arms around his neck, her lips to his ear.

“I don’t know how it happened, but once again, thank you,” she murmured, pressing herself closer to his body.

“Thank me? Thank you, my love,” he whispered back. “Though… I’m not sure we should’ve done that.”

“Why?”

“I’m suddenly… exhausted,” he yawned, trailing his hands down her back. “Not sure if I’ll have energy tomorrow.”

“Oh no,” Lila replied, her tone genuinely sad. “Sorry. I really wanted you to be well rested.”

“I’ll be well rested,” he said with a laugh. “Just… perhaps not on top of my game. A little more tired than usual.”

She continued to feel guilty, which he seemed to sense as he gently touched her cheek. “My love, let’s sleep. It’s what it is and… I don’t mind trading in some energy for feeling like that.”

She pursed her lips before rolling slightly to give him space to leave. He sidled out of his bed and shuffled to the bathroom in the dark, returning shortly after.

“I love you,” he said quietly, pulling her into his arms. She tucked her head into his chest, feeling his warmth against her cheek.

“I love you, too. I hope you have enough energy for tomorrow’s game.”

“I hope so too.”